It has been 4 years since we divorced. I found out she was on a dating site. She confessed she was dating a number of men. I moved out and have been focused on my kids and life.
I did not date, but decided recently to start dating as I have a lot to offer to the right person. I met some nice women lately and will only introduce the kids once I found the right person.
Last week my ex wife informed me she found a new guy that makes her happy and will introduce him to the kids. I wished her much happiness.
My ex wife then had a weird request. She asked me if we can go on holidays together and spend Christmas together, without her new man. I told her no. She got upset.
My ex wife than asked me if I was dating. I said yes. She asked me not to date a younger woman and not to have children as we have a family already.
Why is my ex wife of over 4 years having this bizarre request?
Dear John G,
Because she lives on Planet Narcissist. It’s hard to understand her strange dialect, MEish, but what this freak is saying is “Have no other Gods before me.” (It’s not a request, John. It’s a demand.)
Let’s call your alien narcissist “Karen.” Karen expects you to build a shrine to Janet. Got some old wedding pictures? Good. Keep ’em up. That should scare off the potential girlfriends.
Next rule, have no life. Yes, Karen may date — but she is the Almighty Karen. You sir, need to tend the shrine and keep Karen central in all things. (Hey, she needs a babysitter next Saturday. I know it was her week with the kids, but….KAREN Has Spoken!)
For four years you’ve been a good subject/human satellite/chump, but NOW you are dating? What?! This is a threat to kibble production. (Kibbles are the life force of Planet Narcissist.) Sedition! (See “Have no other Gods…”) Time to reel you back in as Plan B. Thus the vacation request (minus the boyfriend). We can all be one big cake-y family together!
Of course the ONLY family is the family in which Karen is central. So you may not make any false Gods (competing babies). She, of course, can make more babies. But that’s just expanding the Karen brand (and colonies on Planet Narcissist). NOT YOU.
It’s exhausting the way Karen has to explain these things to do you, John. Ruling the universe is so difficult when the chumps get uppity.
What should you do, John?
Remember that you don’t live on Planet Narcissist anymore. There was an intergalactic revolt and you escaped to Planet New Life. Alas, in the chaos, you lost your Universal Bullshit Translator and don’t understand ME-ish.
However, pantomime may work. Gesture wildly at the Narcissist using your middle finger.
Hope she gets the message.
Enjoy that date, John.
This week will be reruns. (Except tomorrow, there’s a new podcast to write about.) I’m a podcasting conference in Denver.