I have a question for you. I’m not sure if this is a topic you have covered I’m 55 and I seem to have a lot of friends, and friends of friends whose husbands have left after 30 years. I was recently Chumped by my husband 3 weeks before Christmas last year 2022 and that was my D day. He told me because OW gave him an ultimatum. I know everything is never Roses in a relationship that long, but the disrespect of being with someone that long and having grown children and investing in a life with someone was a real shock to the system and I just wish that he had broken up with me properly, but no, its not as fun that way. It’s more thrilling to creep around.
It’s like they just can’t stand to be faithful any longer and they want to give it a whirl!!! (The cheating – like its like “Hey I’m gonna try skydiving”) Mine said something like “OMG this is not me I’ve never done anything like this before! I’m actually a really good guy! I’m so sorry it ended like this, with you finding out about my Skanky cyclist girlfriend”.
So you’ll be proud of me I moved into a serviced apartment the next day and asked him to hurry up and move into an airbnb. It took him 5 weeks because its “So hard to work from home in an airbnb”……poor thing……..Eye roll.
I booked a mediator, sold my house and now I have a rental……. I’m getting happier but it’s still really sad how it all ended (Overmight) because we had some really great years lots of nice holidays with our kids, and I have lost his side of the family. We grew up together virtually! I met him at 25.
It was like coming off a very bad drug, because it was 30 years…….. I wanted to kind of throw the possibility around that someone nice can turn nasty. What do you ladies think?
We answered in the latest Tell Me How You’re Mighty podcast — Nice or Nasty? which just dropped last night. (Patrons get it early. Thank you patrons!)
Have a listen — and please review and subscribe.
My jumping off point on the mind-bending issue of abandonment is that I don’t believe in changelings. That good partners are swapped out of their cradles with bad partners by evil, meddling fairies. I think there are shallow people and deep, committed people and we can project our values on to those we love.
Also, based on a gazillion stories on this blog, I also don’t think people wake up after 30 years of committed marriage and start cheating. Sadly, I think double lives are more common than we imagine and some freaks compartmentalize well.
Clare’s now ex-husband believes that he’s still a “really good guy.” Good grief. They’re so quick to forgive themselves, huh?
I’m curious what you think — Nice or Nasty?
Meanwhile, hello from Denver! I’m at the Podcast Movement conference immersing myself in all things podcast and avoided the 100 degree temperatures outside by wandering around cavernous, air-conditioned ballrooms. Just done one day so far, orientation for newbies, and met some very nice folks. It kinda looks like Austin. Tech bros in flashy tennis shoes. But also earnest people who just want to tell their stories.
I sat next to a guy who is a Christian missionary in Japan. He has a podcast called Run with Horses, which I first thought was about large animal veterinarians. (But no, it’s a Bible verse.) We got talking about Jesus cheaters and sinister ministers — and he agreed that most organized religion really falls down on the job of supporting chumps. He did relate, however, a story in his parish, where he encouraged a woman to leave her cheating husband — by bringing five burly men to her house to help throw the jerk out.
Then I met a woman who does a podcast for kids, called Kitten and Clucky, about an abandoned kitty and a rooster with ADHD. And another group of Native American women from Arizona who are creating a whole podcast outreach for their nation. It’s all rather invigorating — creativity! content! and IT gobbletygook I need to wrap my mind around.
Thanks for giving me a few days off with reruns (except today, of course). We’ll be back in September with more podcasts and some great upcoming guests — Christina Pavlina of Jane Does Well, Dr. George Simon and Dr. Omar Minwalla. Stay tuned!