And the Cheater Affliction Award Goes to…
Yesterday’s post on Dean McDermott’s “remorse” dramatics inspired quite a few stories of cheaters disintegrating into madness when faced with the loss of cake.
Now I realize that some of you were spared the throw pillow gnashing, sleeping bag hopping, shrieking banshees and got the cold fish cheaters. The kind that just look at you wanly and shrug. Gig’s up. WTFever.
Today’s contest is for those of you with the flamboyant crazies. The OW who barfs in your toilet. The cheater who falls on the sofa, tossing pillows in spasm fits of self-pity. The hypochondriac who feigns a migraine just at the moment you ask a question. (“It’s like an ice pick in my head!”)
In short, the sort of cheater who having dealt you the sucker punch of betrayal wants to immediately make it all about THEIR pain — the mysterious pain of Cheater Affliction.
We shall award the winner of the first annual Dean McDermott Cake Antics Contest the “Golden Sleeping Bag” in honor of BarristerBelle’s crazy who jumped into a swimming pool at having been found out, then wrapped himself into a sleeping bag and bunny hopped away from his baffled family. (A story that lives here in chump infamy).
Mine did operatic, crazy “remorse” — but it was more of the “please don’t throw me out into the cold, cold winter!” variety. Wherever shall he sleep? Whatever shall he do? You would’ve thought he was a wounded little sparrow and not a 250-lb lawyer with a credit card.
His diverting cheater affliction was a stye on his eye. Didn’t matter the question. Didn’t matter the circumstance — we must IMMEDIATELY direct all attention to his agony. Where was he last night? Hey, there is a SWOLLEN BUMP ON MY EYELID! Stop the presses.
I think cheaters engage in dramatic cheater afflictions because they know what chumps we are — we’re empathetic chumps. They’re going to use that empathy against us, because it’s worked so well before. There we were making their needs so central, attending to their boo-boos, picking up the check — why would we stop now? Did we register anger and upset? Then the proper response is just to amplify their NEEDS, make them up if they have to, and quickly return all attention to them where it rightfully belongs.
I also think in crazy land — they really are in distress at the loss of cake, it really does feel horribly unjust. Recognizing the injustice they perpetrated on you with betrayal would require the higher cognitive functioning narcissists are incapable of. So they swallow the throw pillow instead.
So whatcha got, chumps?
My cheater told me he was going to commit suicide. He was driving around town instead of working and he was calling me telling me how he was going to kill himself. He’s boring, huh? At home he did let out an anguished scream, once. He really is boring.
My STBX threatened suicide a trillion times in our relationship, I would cry, beg for him to get help. He said “you know I’d never do it, right” and I was like “then stop saying it”.
The day he walks out to be with his new ego kibble supply – he says he’s going to kill himself if I don’t let him walk out, and I try to talk “sense” to him, then he says, “okay, I will not kill myself, if you don’t let me go be with her, I may just kill you” and I said “leave the key and get the effe out”…and then he cried because I wouldn’t let him take the key.
Mine also threatened suicide when I told him I was going to stay at a friend’s house to clear my head after we had a horrendous fight the day before. He left a note on the bed while I was in the basement looking for a bag to pack some things. I found him sitting in the car in the drive way. I managed to get him back inside the house and within minutes the waterworks dried up and we were ordering take out for dinner. He won! I stayed and didn’t go to my friend’s house because I was scared he would do something. Looking back though… it’s insane how these nut jobs can turn the drama and water works on and off so easily. After dinner, he looks at me with this cold expression on his face and said to me “I hope we can keep this between us.” When he said that I realized he was just trying to manipulate me. People in real pain don’t just switch on and off like that. I didn’t call the cops but I did call his therapist the next morning (going to therapy was his way of hoovering me every time I threatened to end it).
And that was only the beginning. That night I decided that I had to leave. I packed all of my things and moved out by the following week. Once the Ex-H realized I was really leaving what ensued was even more Cake Antics. He did everything from more crying to throwing fits, first telling me to leave already (at 7:30 in the morning while I was getting ready to go to work) to offering to help me unpack if I stayed, to coming on to me and trying to have sex with me (this is really funny because he always thought himself to be irrisistable to women… puh-lease!). This final fit was when he showed up just as I was about to leave with last bit of my things. He cried and cried saying that he wanted his wife back, that he wasn’t a man he was a little boy, what was he going to do without me…. blah blah blah…. Of course not once did he say he was sorry, not once did he say he wanted to make it up to me and do everything he could fix our marriage…. he should have been presented with an Oscar for his perfomace. Needless to say, I left and never looked back.
My Little Slice of Ted Bundy said he felt suicidal, that’s why he had to cheat. He needed a way to snap out of it.
On DDay 2 the evil X asked me if I was going to kill myself despite the fact that I have never been suicidal. That really freaked me out. Even more so when I discovered shortly thereafter that he had made himself the beneficiary of two different life insurance policies in my name. I am convinced that I LITERALLY dodged a bullet.
My ex threatened suicide and went much further, I almost ended up a statistic. Most of you have heard it before, not funny so I’ll not repeat. New chumps, remember, anyone who threatens to kill themselves because of YOU is abusing you, it is a control play. And if it doesn’t work, the next escalation could be violence directed at you. Be careful.
That is great advice. Mine started punching the wall. Then he threatened to “beat me senseless.” He was never violent before.
By the way I forgot to mention the police in my country says “a threat” is only that. You have no marks on your body.
Oooh, that’s an automatic 72-hour involuntary commitment to the psych ward where I come from. I’m with CL, if it’s real he needs to be committed, and if it’s a pretense….he needs to be committed!
In all seriousness, I knew he was being manipulative and I resented that, but I also knew that I would have to call authorities if he didn’t calm down. I stayed on the phone with him and just talked to him and he got it together and was all right. I knew that I had to take it seriously but I was pretty sure he would not do anything that drastic. He has never threatened that again. It was a manipulation tactic. If he ever did threaten suicide again, though, it would most definitely be a call to authorities.
I got the suicide threat too. In the beginning right after his ‘big’ news came out, he would threaten suicide. I would say don’t talk like that, you need to see a counselor, blah, blah, blah. When I finally got my mind back and came out of the fog, I knew he was doing it just to manipulate me. He would always say it when I was the most upset and it would turn the situation around and I would start patting him on the back and comforting him. I finally called his bluff and said go ahead and do it. He never mentioned it again.
Same here . . . he “eluded” to suicide. I didn’t worry about it though, since he is far too in love with himself to ever actually do it. He only mentioned it because it’s in the first chapter of the Cheater Handbook under, “Things to do after you’ve been caught.”
My cheater threatened to leave this world too, in an epic head spinning rant of “FUCK me, Fuck ME, I am so fucked…” He then told me I “should kill him” or he “would kill himself, it didn’t matter…. ” He was assuming there was still weaponry in the house. I had previously stowed it in an inaccessible place. I told him as attractive as the offer was I wasn’t about to ruin the rest of my life.
When you figure that most of these cheaters fall under the category of sociopath, it makes sense that they “act” so bizarre. They are just empty shells and they mimic behavior. Odds are they are trying to pull off what they deem to be appropriate behavior for a “person in distress.” My cheater spent loads of time in front of the TV at night watching emotional, romantic scenes or violent, dramatic crime shows or over-the-top slime shows like a Jerry Springer.
So when he made the offer to die, my bet was that he would enact some struggle scene where poor irrational me was trying to kill myself and he couldn’t get the weapon away in time. No way to feel or live.
Boring? No, I’d say unhinged. I would take EVERY suicide threat seriously, especially if you consider they’re doing it to manipulate you. You call the authorities and say this person is threat to themselves, and get them in for a forcible psych evaluation.
If it’s for real — you’ve helped. If it’s not for real — they won’t pull that manipulative shit again or you call the cops.
It Does get Boring…After the 100th Time you’ve heard It…
” If You Don’t Come Back to the HELL I want to Trap You and My Unborn in, I’M going to Kill Myself”………. YEA, THAT REALLY Makes me Want to RUN Back..Cause you Know, My Baby Deserves a ” Dad” like That.
I got Sick of that Shit..Eventually Told Him to HAVE AT IT…Save EVERYONE Including HIMSELF from His DANGEROUS, MISERABLE, INSUFFERABLE, INCURABLE, DELIBERATE ASSHOLERY.
DickHead’s Still Alive..
It’s a Headtrip…thy don’t MEAN It.
Regarding Terrible EXes Like MINE….Wouldn’t be Much for Anyone to Mourn the ” Loss” of Them…
Actually, Some of us would Breathe a Sigh of RELIEF….. NEVER AGAIN would he cause ANYONE Pain…No More FUTURE VICTIMS.
I’m interested in knowing how many chumps went through this. I was IN the vehicle when mine threatened suicide. I was terrified but I did manage to get him to pull over because I thought he would kill me too. I had a brother who did make threats and eventually did it because no one believed he was serious. Threats must be taken seriously. When I told him I’m calling the police he suddenly became sane again.
Mine also blamed me for sleeping with everyone including my pastor, even if I just managed to answer the phone. Hehehe! We always hug each other as greeting and I was told that I am always whispering in my pastors ears even while his wife is within earshot! Really !!!! They just have a way of reversing all the shit on you.And to top it of tears, tears and more tears. I’m treating him so badly!
They are mindfucks. If they get the chance they will fuck with your mind till they drive you crazy all the while sobbing boooohoooo poor me.
Mine did. When caught in lies he would make comments like, “I don’t know why it’s worth living anymore…”
The day I caught him at his AP’s, he beat me home – He was gone when I arrived home. But the floor was littered with shotgun shells (in different rooms) and his shotgun was gone.
I called cops. I called phone company and when he called, the call was traced to a hotel 60 miles away. “I hate myself”, blah blah. The police picked the trace and troopers showed up at the hotel and took his gun but not him. All an act. He even admitted it was an act later.
I told him any more suicide threats and I would have him committed for the full 72 hours somewhere. He never did it again.
I asked my AWESOME, no-nonsense divorce lawyer if my STBXH was at risk for suicide (I’d gotten a restraining order and brought the hammer down,) and she said, “narcissists never suicide. Never.” I believe her.
You had a cheater who threatened suicide when he knew you had lost a brother to suicide?
What. A. Piece. Of. Shit.
Yeah, I had the suicide threats a couple of times. He’d call from the car crying, saying how he can’t live without me, how I was the best thing he’d ever had. He’d always finish with something like ‘thanks for the life you have given me, tell the kids I love them’. Then he would hang up.
TBH it really made me angry more than anything, I knew he didn’t have any intention of hurting himself. He just wanted me to tell him to come home, which I refused to do. Instead I phoned his sister and suggested she deal with him.
Okay my favorite little sociopath (as I like to call my ex), just did the wan shrug and evaporated, so I’ll just vote on my fellow chumps hilarious stories.
The winner continues to have to be Barrister Belle’s ex hopping around in that idiotic sleeping bag. Although a close second must be the toss-pillow-eating wife (or is that wives? weren’t there two reports of pillow eating yesterday or did I read that thread wrong?). And of course who could leave out the sobbing cheater crawling across the kitchen floor and ending up in a fetal position. So many cheaters in fetal positions, so little time….
“Okay my favorite little sociopath (as I like to call my ex), just did the wan shrug and evaporated, so I’ll just vote on my fellow chumps hilarious stories. ”
LOL! I like “favorite little sociopath. I’m going to call mine my favorite big fat sociopath, as he’s 6’1” and weighs over 325 pounds. I guess when he did his wan shrug and evaporated, I lost 325 pounds of pure asshat!
Oh btw Sandy R, my ex is 6’3″ tall. The “little” was not referring to his height, it was referring to his….well….um…something apparently a bit nearer and dearer to his heart, if you know what I mean 🙂
LMAO Kelly!!!!
LIKE!!
Double like!! 🙂
I cannot beat pillow eating or sleepy hopping, but on several occasions, when confronted with “difficult facts”, my exH would go completely wack, and scream this horrible banshee noise, as well as pulling out huge chunks of his OWN hair, punching himself in the face and chest with his fists, and tearing his clothes. Like a total 2 year old Tarzan-ish meltdown on steroids, done by a 35 year old man.
The first time I was so shocked, I just stood there…I mean, it just went on for what seemed forever, then he did the dramatic sink-to-the-floor fetal position sob that is clearly featured in their handbook somewhere. Then, just as quickly as it started, he simply took a deep breath, stood up, and went out to the porch to smoke. And it was like…WTF just happened? The only good news was that during one of the meltdowns he ripped up the nasty black flammable velour pj’s that the skank gave him. So that one was worth it to have that piece of nasty out of my bed. Yay for tantrums!
So definitely one of the things I do NOT miss about him. Can you imagine having children witness that kinda crazy?
ReDefiningMe,
Growing up, I witnessed my father doing these very things over and over each time another confrontation began from my mother about yet another infidelity ( many many many). He punched himself in the face, smashed his head against the walls, broke things over his head, and the worst was going out to the barn with a shotgun saying he was going to blow his brains out because WE wanted him too. He went out to the barn, and we heard the gun fire. My mom was so emotionally scarred and raw by then she just sat there. I went out to see if he had indeed shot himself. Nope. He was sitting on a haybale grinning at me. I was 16. She finally left him when I was 18 (which triggered all kinds of outrageous behavior and lies to cover his ass to the public), but it was years worth of damage for her and us kids. My brother used to climb out the window when the fights would start, because he knew what was coming. I hid in the closets a lot, and sometimes went down stairs after it got quiet to make sure no one was dead or stabbed. He slept with the 17 year old who lived down the street, he had an affair with a girlfriend of mine ( in high school )who used to come spend the night with me, and so on and so on, too many to name. We didn’t know until years later about that one. His norm was to call my mom crazy anytime she balked or questioned his blatant affairs. He kind of wrecked her and she was in survival mode most of our childhood. So, kids DO witness this shit and yes, it impacts them. I have no relationship with my father now. He is a full fledged narcissist socio and a con man who pathologically lies. Apparently his new girlfriend can’t understand why his ‘horrible’ daughter won’t talk to him. She clearly has no idea the man she is with. He doesn’t try to have a relationship with me anyway, because that would mean addressing the real issue why we don’t talk and he will never, ever admit he did any of those things, including cheating on my mom every other day. The day he stopped trying with me was the day I said “I know what you are and you know I know it.” I was 18. WE had very minimal contact after that but I haven’t talked to him in at least 15 years now. My mom and I are very close. I’m sad for the years she suffered, but I understand her inability to leave sooner better now because I ended up in an abusive relationship and experienced similar mindfucks where you aren’t even sure what reality is. So, years later I got married and cheated on my husband. I knew it was horrible and I have huge guilt and remorse over it. I am not my father, but I had no idea how to function in a normal relationship. It’s not an excuse, I knew it was wrong. I have since done some serious introspection and unraveling of my own dysfunction. I’m a better person now, so some cheaters do change. My dad never will, I understand that, but I am not like him. I have empathy and will always regret hurting my ex husband the way I did. I feel dirty admitting what I did, so I do feel shame. I don’t feign ice picks to my head but instead feel like I a deserve an ice pick to my head, even now many years later. I still don’t forgive myself, nor should I. I got my heart stomped on more than once after the divorce ( including the abusive relationship), and yet it doesn’t compare to the pain I caused my Ex, I still feel I haven’t paid enough yet. I’m sorry to the chumps. I’ve been a chump but I’ve also been a cheater. I know I will never do that to someone again.
Thank you so much for your post. It is so insightful and is a true example of what remorse looks like. You have obviously given alot of thought about how the “ghosts in the nursery” came back to haunt you as an adult. I wish my X had been as willing to examine the roots of his behavior. The best phrase that I learned in all this was repetitive compulsion and it explained alot to me.
Hopefully, you are in therapy, as the kind of mindfuck you had at an early age really needs a lot of work. Yours is also another example of what may happen when parents remain in a marriage when infidelity is present. Others have discovered that their family dynamic prepared them to be Chumped because their pickers were damaged.
CL, especially last year, had quite a lot to say about the varieties of cheaters and the ability that cheaters have to turn themselves around. While it’s rare that a cheater will exhibit true remorse, even in those cases where remorse is there, the marriage is still the casualty. Real remorse absolutely involves owning one’s unfaithfulness and doing the work to turn things around. It’s tough work, but even so, the marriage has been damaged. Trust was broken.
Even so, just as divorce offers healing for the Chump, it also offers a chance for the Cheater to heal. Neither can do so in each other’s company because the Chump always knows that s/he’s been Chumped by the Cheater, and the Cheater has to live with having Chumped the Chump. Going their separate ways allows each to work on themselves so that they learn to build healthy relationships–just not with each other.
I agree Kb. I cheated, but honestly I’ve been cheated on more ( the father of my child cheated on me with my best friend while I was pregnant) , by multiple men. Almost every relationship. I understand both sides of the fence and also that my picker was worse than broken. I did go have some therapy when I was younger, in my 20’s, and it helped, but it didn’t really sink in until my 40’s. I feel more grounded and emotionally healthy than I ever have. I agree that it’s better to leave a dysfunctional unloving relationship rather than subject children to the confusion of it. When I hear that people stay together ‘for the kids’ without any real fixing of the marriage, I think oh no….more scarred kids who grow up with a warped sense of love, like I did. My ex forgave me, and was willing to work it out, but I knew I was messed up and didn’t want to hurt him more. We divorced and became very close friends, which is rare. He knew I was not a horrible person, but just really mixed up. He is now remarried and happy which brings me some comfort. He sends me updates here and there.
” I still don’t forgive myself, nor should I.”
Yes you should. You experienced deep remorse, you learned your lesson, you improved your character, and you need to stop dragging the guilt and need for eternal atonement around behind you.
We cannot change a single second of our pasts, but we can live a different kind of today and tomorrow.
From a spiritual perspective, chikadee, God forgives us when we experience true remorse, repent and change our ways. To not forgive self is arrogant and an affront to God because we are putting our own judgement above His. The proof of true repentance is the changing of the ways.
I agree that changing of the ways is the path of true remorse and regret. God may forgive me, but he knows I am still working on it and sincere. I still feel shame, but as with healing, growth takes time. I forgive others who have cheated on me, yet it’s taking a little more time for my own.
Chik,
Big hugs to you, and I’m glad you’re here.
Your father’s actions were pure eveil. Your words give me courage, as it took years for me to realize that exH was truly a bad guy; I saw that behavior and believed he was damaged and wounded and I could love/fix/help him. My kids were 5 and 2 when he did leave; the 2 years old remembers almost nothing; but my daughter did hide in closets a few times, and witnessed one instance in the car that did some real damage. She despises him, but still loves him too. That part kills me; as I know how she feels from back then – the loving and hating. Your courage; and your mother’s courage in facing and surviving that is epic. God Bless you both – may you both live in peace for all your days.
I can relate to you past as well, and it took incredible courage to admit. I was a cheater too as a teenager. It was encouraged by my mom, who thought I needed to “date lots of different people” – the fact that they overlapped for her was good, thinking I wouldn’t get serious (i.e. have sex) with anyone that way. I hurt some very decent young men – hurt them badly. One even pursued me after he was engaged, and because we had agreed to “see other people”, my thought process as a 21 year old was that he was MY boyfriend, and his fiance was the one at fault. I continued to see him up until the month before his wedding, when I knew it had to stop, and I ran away to Europe…and met exH who looked, acted, and was an almost perfect clone of him. Talk about karma for me. Oh, and that ex boyfriend? He and that wife cheated on each other..and divorced in 3 years. By then I’d married his clone-cheater, who brought me here.
I have thought for years – and often still do – that my marriage, my abusive husband, and several other painful experiences in my life were my well-deserved punishment for being a cheater. My faith tells me that I’ve been forgiven, and I have done everything since then – for over 25 years now – to prove I’m NOT a cheater, and that I would never again do that to another woman, or to my partner. I never cheated on my husband, and don’t even remotely entertain flirtations from attached men then or now (and I work with 98% men, so there are lots of that kind of thing). I know that I have grown up, but I pray my children won’t make the mistakes I have – knowing you caused pain to others. I think we both know we did wrong, but continuing to believe that we deserve continued pain in return will definitely keep up trapped with the wrong ones. Maybe that’s one of the reasons I don’t date…I still believe I deserved it.
Thanks RDM. I don’t date either. If I ever do date or get married again, I’ve grown enough to know that I’ll never inflict that kind of pain on someone again. I’ve done my best to bleach and scrub out the ugly that lived inside me, but self forgiveness comes slow. I am a better person now, but I’m so sorry it came from hurting someone to see that I needed to change and grow up and stop letting my past guide my choices. Being sorry means nothing really, if changes doesn’t come from it. That’s what drives me.
W T F ?!
RE…….. I Am soo SORRY you Ever MET that….. PSYCHO.
Well thank God he destroyed the flammable velour PJs. Otherwise you would’ve had to throw them into the fires of Mount Doom.
Lol!!
ChumpLady – you are awesome.
The kids and I love Hobbit/LOTR – my daughter actually would like to marry “a nice guy like Sam” and my son can perfectly voice Arwen, dwarves, Smaug, and especially Gollum (who he compares to his “dad”). We actually have used those movies to talk about choices, greed, and how wanting what “isn’t yours” can ruin your life.
Mount Doom indeed 🙂
My precious! 🙂
Lord of the Rings reference for the win! That cracked me up.
ReDefiningMe:
Mine, too! He would tear his clothes off and punch himself when confronted. It was very disturbing. I had a running count of things that had made contact with his head in my house: The TV Remote, a paper towel holder, a door jam, the refrigerator, the living room floor. He had to make himself the victim, and if I wasn’t going to hit him (I’ve never hit anyone in my life), than he was going to wage war with inanimate objects.
Crazy.
My STBX was the king of dramatic bodily afflictions, particularly after the affair began. I came to realize that if I were ever ill, he would always contract that illness, but with more flair. If I had a cold, he would catch pneumonia. My sore throat became his COUGH!!!. Honestly, his coughs were yelled across the room. I’ve never heard anyone cough as loudly as he did. They were obvious stage coughs. There were several occasions where I had to pretend to sleep while he pretty much screamed the word “COUGH!!” with much self-pity.
I once had to stay home from work with painful menstrual cramps. This was during the painful phony reconciliation period. I just told him my stomach hurt, without getting into too much detail. The next day – like clockwork — he stayed home, curled up in bed moaning because “I caught your stomach ache.”
Yes, that’s right. He was curled up in bed with menstrual cramps. I’m sure that after I walked away from him shaking my head that he called the other woman for some sympathy for his uterine contractions.
Laughing so hard I’m crying right now. Got to love the shit they come up with.
Too funny!!
COUGH….COUGH….
I’d send him an anonymous box of maxi pads, midol and cough syrup every Christmas….oh and a throw pillow just for the heck.
Wow…
That is so funny. And pathetic at the same time.
LilyBart,
Your STBX put the stupid in idiot! What a Maroon! LOLOLOLOL!!!
Hahahahaha! I can’t! I’m laughing so hard I’m crying!
Me too.
Wow!!!
I thought the details of the man-cold were bad…I get “official notification” if he gets one, and I get graphic information of geography, colour, consistency, volume, frequency and flavour of all mucus-related excretions.
pms must be really bad for guys, lololol
P.M.S. = Pathetic Man-child Syndrome
LOL seriously.
OMFG. That’s fantastic!
HE Caught your RAGpains ?? !!!
Call the SCIENTIFIC COMMUNITY….
You Shoulda Thrown a Tampon at Him and Told Him to STFU and Have a MIDOL.
Lilybart,
We may be married to the same cheater. He talked himself into having Parkinson’s and when his appt with the specialist came up, he did not want me to accompany him.
I wanted to since I knew he could talk an MD into anything, being an articulate atty.
Because…if I was there, I could have cut through the doodoo. Thank goodness the MD knew he was seeking cake. He even once said that he was prone to cancer since his mom had uterine cancer. I thought you were a man, but now you have a uterus? Coulda fooled me. And did!
When our then 6 year old had pneumonia, he asked the pediatrician if he had it… I could go on. I imagine he went to his then girlfriends for tea and sympathy.
Your ex was just nuts, but actually, colon cancer, breast cancer, and ovarian cancer can run in a family. So if a female relative had breast cancer, a guy might get be more likely to get colon cancer. Fun facts to depress you.
Bostonirisher: Yup, sounds like the same jerk. Isn’t it interesting how obvious their self-centered nature is in retrospect?
My ex claimed that his mom had cervical cancer (“cancer down there…” he called it.) Then he told me once that he was worried he’d have cancer someday since his mom dad (if she ever DID have cervical cancer, it was my guess that it was the STD type since ex’s dad f’ed every hooker/stripper/whore in eastern Europe). Yep buddy, dudes get cervical cancer ALL THE TIME. I can only dream he gets the “cancer down there” that will cause his bits to turn black and fall off. That would be karma.
Lol. “Cause his bits to fall off” too funny!
Omg that is hilarious! What a dumbass!
OMG. That definitely takes the cake!!! Lmfao
Oh, this is one for the win. You should’ve offered him some Midol.
I should have. Or a copy of “Are You There God? It’s me, Moron.”
LOL! Like!
LMAO !!!
You gotta be shitting me. lol lol lol
Cramps! Oh that is hilarious!
When I dumped my ex fiance, I told him that he needed therapy. In fact I had been telling him this for months, but he insisted that he didn’t. If anything, I was the one who needed therapy because I was the one who was unhappy and depressed. How could I be so unhappy? I was blessed to be graced by his presence!
My ex was working nights at a building that was under construction. I told him on a Sunday that I wanted to end things, I couldn’t live the way we were living anymore. Monday morning, as I was getting ready for work, he shows up and tells me that he got laid off (how convenient!)
Later, when I got home from work, he tells me that he met a therapist that weekend at his job. The therapist’s name was “John”, and they spent several hours during his night shift talking about his issues. So what did “John” tell my ex? That there was nothing wrong with him, of course!
I asked the ex what “John’s” last name was and he said he didn’t know. It never came up! “John” also didn’t charge him for his services, because “John’s” office was going to be in the building and apparently “John” provided free therapy to all of the nice guys like my ex (ha!) that worked in the unfinished building (apparently, “John” was so devoted to his practice that he showed up in the middle of the night, on weekends, to “see how the construction was coming along”)
I told my ex that unless he could provide me with a business card or a last name there was no way I was going to buy his story. He told me that wasn’t possible because now that he was laid off he couldn’t go back there. But hey, he thought I’d be happy! He finally talked to a therapist, and it turned out the therapist said there was nothing wrong with him! He did what I asked him to, so now I had to take him back right?
I didn’t take him back. My ex then descended into a meltdown most toddlers would be embarrassed by! He fell to the floor and began kicking and screaming. He laid in a heap, pounding the floor with his fists. He looked up at me, his face wet with crocodile tears, and he said “Why won’t you believe me?” To which I replied, “because you’re a liar!”
…and that was before I even found out about his cheating!
Love it, he can’t go back he was laid off and the last name of John will never be known.
HaHa, I had to chuckle at this cos my STBX spent sooo much time with ‘John’ from work. He’d stay with ‘John’ after I first kicked him out. He’d go out with ‘John’ all the time, went to the gym with ‘John’, you name it – he did it with ‘John’.
When I questioned things that didn’t add up about ‘John’ based on what he’d told me in the past, there was suddenly another ‘John’ at work too!
He even once said he was going away for a few days with ‘the two ‘Johns’.
After months of pretending he was alone, it eventually came out that he was living with OW and I never heard him mention ‘John’ again. lol
I thought most guys had an imaginary friend named “Dick”….
So it turns out she was the HO and he was the “John”. How ironic.
LOL …Sometimes they DO actually Tell ya The Truth….. Slantedly.
Yes! ‘John’ cause he’s a toilet and full of shit.
Temper tantrum on the floor!
My ex also considered his OW to be his therapist. He thought dishing about all the things he hated about me and our marriage to her – while FUCKING her – was therapy.
Ha!
Ha ha. That is so bizarre. John the all-night free therapist.
OMG! These are hilarious! I just fell on the floor laughing! I wish I had gotten some of that reaction, to at least add some humor to my post DDay conversations. I only got the “ashamed” version, headaches and some tears three months after DDay when I finally decided to reveal that I was following his lies through the Skype messages to his OW. He was embarrassed and ashamed about me knowing his “dark side” but not so much about the pain he caused our family….
Yeah, I finally figured out that it was the fact that I SAW who ex really was that pissed him off so much, not that he was actually that person. He remains enraged that I see through him thoroughly. Even today he tried to make a simple text I sent about scheduling into something much bigger. I didn’t bite. I never do anymore. I just laughed and rolled my eyes that he thinks he can fool me about any single thing ever again.
So after he told me via phone “get health insurance, I want a divorce” I flew to Saudi Arabia where he was stationed at the time to discuss in person (crazy that I am, I believed marriages shouldn’t end with a phone call)
I sitting with him on the couch going step by step through the RIC’s guide on how to save your marriage alone getting him to list the needs he has for the marriage. Silly me deviated from the guide for a bit and I began to list my needs that I had as well. He began sobbing, rocking back and forth, talking about what a failure he was. Chump me fell for this and said ” it appears you are overwhelmed right now…”
His response?: “I am. Let’s go snorkeling”
Well dumb dumb me fell for it and off to the Dead Sea we went for some snorkeling….
Because don’t cha know that all overwhelmed people want to go snorkeling….
On the bright side, I can now say I’ve been snorkeling in the Dead Sea. Lol.
Ouch, how do you snorkel in the Dead sea? It must have hurt like hell. I tried to bathe in the sea after shaving my legs in the morning. The pain from the salty water getting into the little cuts left from the razor was unbearable. Can’t imagine getting any in my mouth or eyes…. I guess this goes well with the pain from the cheating… Or could be you went for the lesser evil
Sorry….I meant the Red Sea …..Although the Dead Sea is a much better metaphor!!!
I loved the metaphor too. I thought it was very clever 🙂
“Snorkeling in the Dead Sea” is about the best euphemism I can think of for false reconciliation.
As in, “I wasted two years of my life snorkeling in the Dead Sea before I figured out my cheater was never going to change.”
Snorkeling in the Dead Sea sounds like an awesome play.
Yeah, maybe by Beckett.
This!
Someone should suggest snorkeling to the RIC…
I don’t have any crazy antics from my cheater. But I did get him on his knees begging me not to leave him and take him back. Cake was ending and he was freaking out.
Oh! you guise (as my d22 and friends would say…). These stories are, sadly, outstanding.
It’s like Cheater Performance Art.
(I think I prefer the Meat Dress.). All I got, really, is many emails signed off, “At least you’ll have the life insurance.” (Of course, that is court mandated, but anything pathetic in a storm, right?). There were many tearful storms, but nothing like the magnificent displays of self pity you have all described. Where’s Mark Morris when you need him?
I wish I had something fun to share! My ex ran upstairs during “the talk” and took aspirin because he thought he was having a heart attack. Meh. He was a cold fish ever since and married the OW less than a month after the divorce.
sig, I’m not sure the ex noticed that I’m not there.
Same here Sara,
Chumped and never thought of again…. . Not even considered cake material.
But as usual OW is so overweight, no education, rough as a …. Classic case of trading down to get more kibbles…..
Awesome you know he traded down. woman!! Mine was too busy cyber screwing images of impossible perfection (what is with the butt obsession?) By then he’d lied so much about his ex and the ahem- “football buddy” actress he was hanging out with I guess he had his hands full. So to speak.
Eh, like Kelly, I’m going to just read – mine didn’t really give a shit he got caught. The only thing he did was when I was at my lowest, in a deep depression that I thought I’d never get out of, he told me – Do you think this is easy for me? Everyone is mad at me!
pfft, stupid me hadn’t found CL at that point so I threw him more kibbles and got me a therapist.
Grabbing some popcorn and jumping on the couch to enjoy the stories –
I doled out a moderate amount of kibbles right after I found out about his affair. Looking back, I think I was just in shock. For about 3 days, I had absolutely no clue what I was doing. He was telling me how he had the sadz and was devastated and same as you, it was like I was flattened and more depressed than I’ve been in my life and . . . he really never noticed. He looked in the bathroom mirror at one point and said, “Wow, I look like shit. I haven’t slept or anything.” Five feet away, I’m gutted and staring at my shoes. Ha ha!
It makes me laugh to think about it now; how he pitied himself while he ripped me apart and tried to financially ruin me. What a fucking loon he is! So long sucker. 🙂
Am I the only one to notice that CL’s cartoon of a cheater in a sleeping bag looks a lot like a big, angry . . . turd?
Yeah… A turd in a sleeping bag, CL is brilliant.
sooo…the staff at my office are peering into my office wondering why I’m doubled over with laughter right now. The Golden Sleeping Bag Award — LOLOLOL! I’m envisioning an Oscars-style award ceremony, where the past winner announces the nominees, shows a little vignette of each, and then presents the trophy to the newest winner.
It’s almost surreal to think back on that day and remind myself THAT SHIT ACTUALLY HAPPENED. All the other outbursts from previous DDays were full of self pity for the poor sausage, who said he wished that I had a drinking problem or something wrong with me so he’d feel better about himself, who swore he’d get help/get counseling/needed to make changes in his life about sooo many things …. but the other ones weren’t as bat-shit-crazy as that day, because until that point, the OW didn’t officially know that I knew. I saw her text on his phone as we’d returned from dinner with his grandmother and confronted him, and he jumped in the pool fully clothed in his suit and shoes.
The hiding-upstairs-naked-in-a-sleeping-bag-and-bunny-hopping-down-the-stairs part happened AFTER I called up the OW, told her what I knew, that I had proof from my PI, told her I knew that her own father had ditched her mother due to an affair and OW must be truly f-ed up to knowingly do that to another (I’d met OW’s mother & friends of mine grew up in the same neighborhood as her family, attended same church, etc. It was a well-known story there), that she belonged back behind the scummy bar where she worked previously, and that I would be suing her for more than she’d ever be worth (thanks to the “heartbalm” laws in my state that provide that cause of action). So in summary, I royally screwed up XH’s cake supply and HE. LOST. HIS. FRIGGIN. MIND.
But looking back, that experience was undoubtedly the best thing for me – as it finally (!) clicked in my mind that it was time to step awaaaay from the crazy, and there was nothing wrong with me for wanting to divorce that clusterfuck-of-chaos.
So to all of the nominees for the Golden Sleeping Bag Award — Congratulations, fellow survivors! and Cheers to a much happier life now!
BarristerBelle — you realize your ex set the benchmark for crazy, don’t you? The Golden Sleeping Bag award! I think you should open the envelop and crown the next winner, for sure.
And I totally get the looking back and going OMFG that was my life? That happened? I lived in that psychodrama? Thus this blog. It’s a better life after the bunny hop.
I gotta admit, the other day I was in a crappy mood and vented my misery but this life is definitely better than 3 years ago. Being able to ignore his ranting texts and emails and laugh at how crazed they sound is so much better than the bunny hop! 😉
My X has some very serious medical conditions, which made it all the worse when he would use them as a way to avoid the difficult discussions. I was always afraid I was going to give him his next heart attack or stroke. To be honest though, I was the one who really showed my ass. I was so damned furious about what he had put my family through, I did ALL the “wrong” things. Called the OW and cussed her out (and I don’t care what anyone says, it was the best thing I ever did), leaned on my kids way too much, begged X to come to his senses; I was a total train wreck.
My X, on the other hand, was the master of under dogging me. Poor him. He had “ruined” everything, he was the laughing stock of our community, his kids would never respect him again. All true statements, but I was supposed to feel bad for him. It became clear to me that he was the master of avoidance. Whenever the discussions got tough, he would find a way to throw me off track. Another page out of the cheater’s handbook…
Kudos Louise for calling out the OW. I still play little mean tricks. Like yesterday. Little background – she was a good friend of mine and I knew her daughter/granddaughter well. I KNOW she doesn’t want them to know she’s fucking my husband at this current moment. (he has to hide like on Easter Sunday when daughter and family comes over) I assumed (bluffed) daughter didn’t know anything about her affair with my H.
So – and sue me….I sent him an email that said I just got an invitation to a surprise party for HISwhore from her daughter. (well, Mothers’ Day is coming up after all)
Told him I hit the ‘will attend’ button. He was at her house so am assuming she saw the email. (none of it true, btw!) Just hope she’s sweating for the next few weeks wondering when this surprise party will happen and when she’ll get to see me fuck it up for her. ha ha
Way to go Louise! Love that you called the OW out. Why should we have all the consequences of their actions and they have none? I’m sure it won’t penetrate their heads or make them suddenly have a soul or a conscience, but it sure feels good.
I too confronted the OW. I wanted her to know that my children and I are real people, not just obstacles to the high school grade romance that she and my husband were having. (Sample dialog from their texts:
OW: do you like chocolate?
H: Yes.
OW: Wow that’s amazing. I like chocolate too!)
Here’s a sample of my X’s to the OW:
OW: Haha! you have a baby! Gross diapers!
X: I’d like to change your diaper.
OW: I wish we could do a shot of Jaeger together right now.
X: Gulp.
OW: I’m thirsty for YOU
X: Parched.
OW: You are my whiskey.
So, so so 1) disgusting 2) pathetic 3) can I reiterate pathetic?
Seriously? That is disturbed!
You know what’s crazy? I also like chocolate! What are the chances?
Mine got down on the ground of the church parking lot sobbing. With his two hands, he held onto my ankles so I could not get into my vehicle to drive off. He made such a scene that a pastor from the church was tipped off of the scene and was called to intervene. Then my husband got up from the parking lot and started walking towards the freeway. This episode took another 45 minutes of my life. My husband did this after he was caught in another lie. This lie was after the fact that he swore that there would be “NO MORE LIES”. After that crazy episode, I moved our shotgun that we keep at home to my dad’s house and hid it. I wasn’t going to take any chances with my husband acting this way. The divorce is in process. I’m still holding out for more crazy behavior because he hasn’t been served divorce papers yet. Hopefully soon…..
I am still laughing, you would think he could stay standing and hold something else, but no the feet make you go, gotta stop those feet. What a day at church then the freeway walk. Good move on moving the gun.
He’s on the ground, holding on to your ankles. You have GOT to be kidding me! Then he tragically throws himself over to the freeway in such dramatic fashion..expecting you to dodge traffic and save his soul! What as assfart!
“It’s probably not even going to last with her! And my whole economy will crash! And I’ll end up homeless on the street!” (screamed at the top of his lungs)
“I don’t even know if it’s real with her! Or just.. just.. just another THING!” (screamed at the top of his lungs, and first hint that the cheating was serial)
“I TOLD YOU! I do still love you! I told you I wished I could split myself in two so half of me could still be with you! (screamed at the top of his lungs, with tears flowing)
“You know, Muse, if you play your cards right, you might just get a second chance!” (Blubbered in a sobbing voice, with tears streaming down his cheeks).
There’s more but I don’t recall it all. HIGH DRAMA. High dudgeon.
Lots of narcissistic “it’s all about him”
Oh god, I got the ‘it might just be you’ speech. Back when I was still ‘in love’ with him still wanting him back. So I waited for months after he moved out (he told me he was living alone but later I found out he’d moved in with OW).
So one night I got really fed up stuck in limbo as I was. I confronted him. I said “I’m tired of waiting for you to make up you mind. What’s going to happen about the house we’ve just bought together, our future, our children, etc..”
There was a long silence, he was out drinking and had gone out on to the street to take the call. Next thing I hear retching and he tells me it’s all too much and starts to throw up but lets me hear it all – didn’t even hang up while he puked.
What do you say/do when someone is puking over the phone. I hung up.
LOL…
What a PRIZE.
You might get a second chance if you play your cards right? Is that projection or WHAT? If I manipulate my chump right, I might get a second chance!
Wow. Just. Wow.
I like the part where he declares that 50% of him is entitled to 100% of you. Not the brightest bulb in the box is he?
The night this happened he had just left our house on one of his umpteen trips to retrieve his belongings to go move into OW’s house. I was astounded that he said this… he had gotten into his truck then stepped out turned around and said that to me. I was speechless and he drove away.
Then I went inside the house, slammed the door and said out loud to no one, “a second chance with a loser???? why would I want THAT?????” But yes. Projection of the most extreme sort. He said it again four more times in five months till I told him to stop in Dec 2013 and I’m NC since Jan 14 now. Still gives me some laughs.
Hmmm, ironically you did play your cards right, and you are getting a second chance – at an authentic life without the fucktard. I’d say you played that hand really well! Hang in there with the NC for the win!
“You know, Muse, if you play your cards right, you might just get a second chance!” (Blubbered in a sobbing voice, with tears streaming down his cheeks).
This is hilarious!
Just like most of the posters so far, my cheater also threatened suicide. Honestly, I did not even flinch when he said it. I turned and walked away. Harsh, maybe. But I knew it was a scare tactic. He LOVED his life too much to ever end it! He didn’t have a hair on his ass to actually put that gun to his head and pull the trigger. The gun was right in his closet and he never even made an attempt to open the door. Stupid ass!!!
He also did the two year old temper tantrum fits of despair! Threw himself onto the floor, all the while crying and screaming that he had “derailed” and would do anything to win me back. Which he never even attempted to do. Five ddays and still no therapy, no spending time with his family, still going out once a week with his OW (oops I mean “buddies”) drinking, working long hours and travelling for his hobby! WTFever! After the last dday (I’m a slow learner!), I told him I was DONE. No more cake. He cried every night…..ALL NIGHT LONG! We were still sleeping in the same bed (I didn’t want the kids to know something was happening yet) and I just couldn’t take it. I couldn’t get any sleep. He would cry and heave and get up to throw up. One night I jumped up out of bed, so damn tired from endless sleepless nights and told him he had better stop the crying and shut the fuck up or I would go sleep on the sofa or be forced to hold my pillow over his face until he stopped breathing!!!! Yes…..I was THAT tired!!!! LOL
My ex threatened to join the military if I left him because without me “his life was meaningless.” After the breakup but before I found out about the infidelity, I asked him when he was going to enlist, and he told me he couldn’t because at age 27 he was “too old” for the military.
Unfortunately, my ex-wife of hysterics in living room and bouncing off and on the couch as she shoved a throw pillow in her mouth, as I refer to it as cheater “trauma” was bizarre to witness.
I’m a guy, but I liked those throw pillows. Those throw pillow didn’t deserve the saliva screaming assault as she hyperventilated about losing her cake.
That night….she did the thumb sucking fetal position in a corner of our bedroom walk in closet.
What a show….
I am confused about the fetal position / closet thing. My STBX did the same thing. Alllllllllll the time….to the point where I would just step over him and get my stuff or put stuff back. I could kick myself for not viewing that as a “red flag”…or a thousand red flags I refuse to see still.
I hope you bought yourself some nice drama-free throw pillows after the divorce, P.F.
Sure did, got suede throw pillows, scotch guarded against hysteric cheater induced gnashing.
Wow, P.F. She sounds like a prize. You know you’re living with a crazy person when you have to laminate the furniture.
Yeah…never imagined I’d be witness to the death of a throw pillow by crazed cheater.
Smh
LOLOLOL!!! New Chump List! You Know You Are Living With a Crazy Person If:
1. “You have to laminate the furniture.”
HILARIOUS!!!!
I had the same reaction. Burst out laughing at that one. My kids are puzzled.
As I saw him drive by with the ow in our car I saw his mouth drop open, turn white and drive off at over 100mph, I know I was driving behind him and could not catch up, our car was finally a small red dot on the road.
He must be a fast rate exiter because after saying “don’t make this harder than it has to be” he would run, literally run, maybe bolt, right out of the house, leave doors wide open, garage door, front door whatever, and leave.
PF I know it must have been traumatic to see your spouse like that stuffing a pillow into her mouth, it would be nice if she remembered being such a freak then.
Actually, that performance of attempted throw pillow swallowing as well as the thumb sucking fetal position in our bedroom closet was all about her trauma. Her pain…her loss of cake….her loss of the image she had manufactured.
Witnessing her fuckupness saved my life, unfortunately I had to bury a very nice throw pillow that didn’t deserve to gnashed in such a horrific manner.
Can we have a male and female winner? “Yeah (yawn) my ex wife tried to swallow a throw pillow.” It’s the delivery too, like “whose ex wife hasn’t tried that old trick..,”
Funny….
P.F. you are making me laugh!
I’m almost 8 months divorced from Imposter Mike as everyone calls him–a husband of 10 years who pretended to be sweet, loving and doting, but who was having sex with as many other women as he could find in our home town and on Ashley Madison–preferrably married women, because it made him “powerful” to steal other men’s wives.
So I found out about one of them in the Fall of 2012, although he swore he was happy and that I was imagining the whole thing. He had just taken a job 3 hours away, and was thus gone 3-4 nights a week. He was saying he wanted to fix things but he was doing nothing to make me feel better, and he’d get irate if I wouldn’t pretend to be perky and happy all the time.
When he was away at his job, he would call me, and if I asked ANY questions, ANY whatsoever, he would rage and yell and say he had to leave the office, I’d made his bloodpressure skyrocket, that he needed to see a doctor, then he’d say he was going to kill himself becasue of me. I’d have to calmly try to talk him out of it while he blamed everything on ME being paranoid and suspicious. The conversation would end when he’d hang up on me, tell me that my words meant nothing, and that this would be the last time we ever talked, because he was going to shoot himself.
He would then not answer his emails, phone or texts for a matter of hours or even a day or two. I was insane with worry and didn’t know whether to call someone (I knew no one where he was staying) or drive there (I had a job and animals to take care of, so I couldn’t just leave). Words cannot adequately express the grief and terror I felt thinking he would kill himself.
This happend six times over the course of nearly 2 months. It finally occurred to me how selfish and manipulative it was that at a time when *I* needed to be supported and comforted, this asshole kept threatening to kill himself and I’d have to talk him up and tell him I loved him and how great he was so that *he* felt better!
Finally, the seventh time he tried this, I tried to calm him down, and when it didn’t work once again, something in me totally snapped. I got extraordinarily calm. I told him to PLEASE GO DO IT, RIGHT THE FUCK NOW IN FACT. I said (and I still cannot believe I said this!): I WANT TO HEAR THE GUN GO OFF; I WANT TO KNOW THAT I NEVER HAVE TO PUT UP WITH YOUR STUPID SHIT EVER AGAIN. I told him it would be such a relief to me to be done with his manipulative, sorry ass, and that the world would truly be a better place without him in it. I told him to make sure he did it right so I wouldn’t have to take care of him, because to be clear–I wouldn’t. I told him I’d make sure he ended up in the worst nursing home possible if he screwed it up.
Is that horrible? Yes. But I was also seeing a licensed counselor who said he was so narcissitic that he’d never kill himself, because he loved himself so much. She was right. And he never pulled the Suicide Stunt again.
” I told him I’d make sure he ended up in the worst nursing home possible if he screwed it up.”
LMFAO!!!!!! Tears on my cheeks! Best moment of my day!
I think what you said was what he needed to hear. Basically that you weren’t going to fall for that trick to gain sympathy again
What a story. And your counselor was right on. And if a narcissist with no intention of suicide plays that card against someone he or she is abusing, then they are asking for a plate full of indifference. Which to a narcissist is like death, only with shorter consequences.
This line really resonates with me: that your husband prefers married women “because it made him ‘powerful’ to steal other men’s wives.” I’ve come to the same conclusion about the cheater in my life.
A Person who Who ONLY Feels POWERFUL when they Are STEALING is a FUCKING WIMP of EPIC Proportions.
I love that you told him to do it.
Yes, it sounds horrible, but I know exactly how it feels to be manipulated in that way. You did the right thing. Good for you.
Nah, I don’t find it horrible, what he did was horrible, because he mindfucked with your head all along! That’s so not right!
GOOD for You, Mary !! 🙂
I love this story. It’s exactly what a disordered narc needs — to hear that their bullshit is OVER. You rock, Mary J!
Mary J..more out of the Cheater’s Handbook, I swear! These people do everything they can do deflect our suspicions, like turning it all on us! I got what you did..he accused ME of cheating on HIM, would hang up on me, and not call or text for days. I love love love reading the stories here today! Although they were painful when they happened, it’s nice to see so many here being able to look back at an insane situation and laugh about it. There’s so many good ones..I don’t know who to vote for!!
Mine was the cold fish type at Dday, In fact he was fucking ecstatic ! He paraded himself and the OW around town proud as a peacock, while I was pretty much blindsided and DEVASTATED! That’s until I handed him my lawyer’s card and let him know that I was divorcing him. He begged for ‘ time and space’ and assured me HE didn’t want a divorce. I told him that it wasn’t all about just what he wanted. Anyway, when it came time to be around the settlement table with the lawyers, he was like a 350lb bowl of shaking jelly! Even my lawyer noticed it and said” look at his hands, he can’t even hold onto a pen.” Just goes to show you when they lose control and power over everything, they are reduced to a shaking bowl of jelly!!!
After Dday, when he announced he never should have married me, had nothing in common with me, no passion for me, had only married me so I would take care of a home and children, my ex also expressed that “I’m not even sure I WANT a divorce,” when I filed. This despite the fact that he had TOLD me he was interested in two married women — he denied anything physical, but in fact he was fucking BOTH of them, and occasionally at the SAME TIME.
He actually wrote to my attorney to tell her that “It isn’t true that I told Glad I’m interested in another woman — I told her I’m interested in TWO other women.” My attorney couldn’t believe that one, he actually thought that made him look GOOD. He also called my attorney up at another point, crying hysterically and telling her that he just wanted to “buy gifts” for my mother, our son and my family. Um, okay.
After the news of the affair, I was honestly contemplating suicide I was so destroyed. And when my jerk would ask if I felt sorry for him, has I thought about him he was thinking of killing himself….well, it stunned me. I mean I was really barely holding on, yet from his actions of cheating and LIVING with the ow at that time, he said that. Yes, all they think of is themselves, no matter what else, it is always them.
Tess. I felt the same and then someone in his family said something to me that changed my outlook. I was sad, I was despondant, I was freak out and in shock and he told anyone that would listen “All this happened because of what I did, I hurt a lot of people” and people were like “no duh, ofcourse”…but what a family member of his said to me changed my perspective, he wasn’t saying it in shame, he was saying it in pride “look at what I did, look what I’m capable of, look at what I can do, I have the power to hurt all of these people”. It was the beginning of seeing for me, I still have a way to go but it was the beginning
Tess I know how you feel. The whole ordeal had just wrung me completely out until I was just tired of living. Really glad I am feeling much happier now. Hope you are too!
So glad you are here among us, getting healthier every day.
I Got an Award winner…
Turned off the ELECTRIC in the house so I Couldn’t SEE To Leave. * 1st Incident*
2nd Incident : Stole The Keys to My CAR, that was Full of the LAST of MY Things, so I Couldn’t Leave. ALL of it woulda been Locked in HIS Garage that I didn’t have a Key to Open. To MAKE me Stay with him. ** my Destination was 2 States over…I guess I Coulda WALKED , huh ? and When I FINALLY got BACK, Sat OUTSIDE Cause My HOUSEKEYS were ALSO on The Same Keyrings ***
WHAT AN Insane ASSHOLE.
His Explanation for FALSE IMPRISONMENT… ” I Didn’t Want you to Leave”…
oh..REALLY, you Don’t Say…
CRAZZZYARSE !!!!!!!
You Know Being KIND and RESPECTFUL to Encourage you to WANT to Stay…. NAH, Can’t do THAT..
Be Cruel and Inhumane….SURE..TOTALLY Doable.
They SOO Don’t GET It.
Holy shit that is fucking crazy CRAZY !
It’s horrible and disgusting what was done to you.
I’m speechless. Damn…..
Thanks for WITNESSING, Guys….
I Keep thinking… at Least he didn’t Hit me..or Hurt The Baby… **Small Solace..Still doesn’t Erase what he Did to Me **
Like I said on Other posts.. Regarding Pain….
What I Went through isn’t SHIT compared to what the 3 Ariel Castro Kidnapping Victims from Cleveland Ohio went Through for a DECADE…..
I Look at Them, and I Think… Man Are THEY Strong… I Only went through the Whole Relationship start to finish 9 months…Mostly Apart..
I Think of the Little Girl Spawned by THEIR Psychopath, and I Weep for Her..but at Least HE’S DEAD.. Can’t hurt anyone Anymore…Can’t Come After them Anymore.
Mine’s Still Breathing.
I Worry about my Lil girl… EVER Having to be Forced to be Around him…
I Won’t lie…
I Pray EVERY DAY for his Death.
OMG! That is insane and hilarious at the same time! WOW
Nothing Hilarious About it.. I Got Raped After the 2nd Incident.
5 People were Aware of him Stealing my Keys and My Having Nowhere Else to Go..NONE of them did ANYTHING to Help Me… Including..YES..a COP.
I’m sorry. 🙁
Grrrr…so many fucking corrupt cops around here.
Sara – beg. Where is *here*? I like my cops where I live.
We do have many news stories that could make you never trust a cop again. SoCA. Where are you?
Little town on the Oregon coast.
Can I come over? 🙂
But it also really makes me appreciate the good guys!
BRIW, it is awful that you went through that. I hope that you heal more and more every day and that you’ll become ever stronger than you are now. Sexual assault/abuse breaks you and leaves a dark stain that takes time, patience and understanding to fade. Luckily, if you are strong enough, you will grow past it. By what you’ve written here, you seem to be going strong and I hope that all will work out for you in the end.
BRIW – my God. The strength you must have had to get through that kind of abuse. This may be inappropriate but I almost think rape by a stranger would be better than by a husband. (yep, hands up for me on the rape) I really appreciate hearing your story as awful as it is – it sure makes me think *I* should have nothing to be complaining about. You sound mighty and I get strength from your words. Glad you hung in there and did what you could to beat the unfair system towards you and get rid of that Fuckwad for good. ^5
I’m Soo Sorry for what Happened to You too, SheChump…
Are YOU Okay ?
and SheChump,
RAPE Hurts….Doesn’t matter WHO Does it… Mine isn’t Worse than yours…it just..Different… It’s all Dehumanising. ** hugs*
They KNOW when you WANT Them….
He Soo Friggin KNOWS I Didn’t…
Strangers can at Least Say it Didn’t MEAN Shit to Them..You Don’t…
Husband or Fiance’….NAH…
Horrid thing..Before… I Left him…He Made me feel Soo Damn Ugly, Pregnant and All…Hardly Touched me….
at 3 months pregnant, I Looked to be about 6 months along, Because I was all of 98 lbs Before I got Pregnant.
but as I Was Leaving..Forced me to Stay…Then Take it When I Didn’t Want Him…
Yea.. Those Monsters Get off on CONTROL it’s Not the Sex.
Thats just fucked up,,,,, man why are people just so fucking wrong fucking scum bag,,,,
The 5 ” Men” who sat there and WATCHED the Shit and Did Nothing are JUST as Guilty.
No REAL Loss to ME..Them..That City…
NONE at ALL.
These Monsters only ACCELERATE their Abuse Until you Make Yourself TOTALLY Untouchable to them.
My WORST Mistake was EVER thinking he could do Anything with Dignity, nor Allow Anyone to Retain THEIRS in having to Deal with them At All…Especially ENDING it with Them.
You can’t WAIT for HELP…Sometimes it Never Comes.
I’m so sorry you went through that. I hope karma bites him ASAP.
Your posts are always inspiring– you advocated for yourself and saved your child. You are MIGHTY and BADASS.
Thanks, Dating…
Dear God, BRIW, I’m sorry.
So sorry to hear about your trauma and rape. I hope you are on the path to healing and that he is imprisoned.
GOD’s Got a Prison for Him… He THINKS he Got AWAY with it..
He Didn’t…Believe Me.
I won’t get justice in THIS Life, I Know…
But I’M Strong, and He didn’t get what he Wanted…to BREAK Me..
I’m One BADARSE Bitch I Got MYSELF out of that Mess . He’s Nothing but a COWARD.
I Let him THINK He Won…Till I Could get Away for me and my Unborn Child, at the time.
it’s been Almost 4 Years….
I’m still Alive.
I’m Awesome.
I’m FREE.
These stories are a combination of hilarious, pathetic, disturbing and shake-your-head-in-disbelief-at-the-disorder. The antics of the disordered cheaters are so bizarre, so over the top, and so SIMILAR in many cases, it really drives home the fact that something is WRONG with their brains.
My ex never cried, flipped out or showed the slightest sign of remorse. The closest I got to that was a greeting card he left for me the morning I moved out of the house to my own apartment. The card said some such bullshit like he was feeling strange and sad and it was hard to believe it was all ending. I tossed it in the trash before the moving truck arrived. I don’t think he was really all that sad about my moving out, however, because I know for a fact that he had a nice party at the house later that day with all the OWs and various people he was fucking.
I must have missed that Hallmark card….maybe more accurate like this…
I’m not really sorry at all,
for cheating and making you bawl,
This card’s to pretend
That I’m still your friend
Can you believe that I have the gall?
With cute puppy on the front, of course.
Ha ! LUD. 🙂
Perfect rhyme! You are so talented
Glad,
you should Thank your Lucky STARS.
So right on, GIO. Reading your story, I realized that mine was somewhat similar. Zero remorse at all, if anything he kept mentioning the OW because she’s trying “help me as to what to do with you.”
He too left a note when he moved out saying “Maybe with some distance I’ll realize what I have missed” or something to that effect.
These crazies are cut of the same cloth!
Mine too…no remorse!! I had several Ddays over 2 months and each time he lied and lied and I was dumb enough to believe him as I trusted him!!
1st DDay- nothing happened with the OW “she was attractive sure but I didn’t look at her that way. We had a close friendship where we talked about our problems. That is the whole truth and you don’t believe me.”
2nd DDay- “ok we had feelings for each other but we pushed them aside. Again I tell you the truth but you don’t believe”
3rd DDay – “ok we were in love but we never acted on it as I was married, I thought it was ok as I didn’t think you’d even care if I left”
4th DDay – after I cloned his phone and recovered deleted text messages about anal sex etc “I slept with another person from work in August.” Another OW.
That was the final straw for me after believing his string of lies!! I spat, punched him and kicked him out at that moment. Did a slight pick me dance afterward and didn’t understand why he wasn’t fighting for our family (we had a newborn baby and a 2 year old). He became arrogant, entitled and had absolutely no remorse! His mask was finally off! DDay was 3 months ago and I still wake up and cannot believe he did such things.
I have told this story before on this site, but it’s the only one I got because he just shrugged and left too.
It was about a month after D-Day, he moved out of the house. I got a text from him saying “FYI there’s a lump in one of my testicles and it’s very tender. I am seeing a doctor tomorrow.” I didn’t respond, I just shrugged, said “KARMA” out loud, and continued to eat my dinner while watching Judge Judy.
He texted me the next day: “FYI it’s not cancer.” (He said “FYI” a LOT during our separation).
A month after that, during his one and only attempt at reconciling, he screamed “WHEN I TEXTED YOU ABOUT MY TESTICLES YOU WERE THE FIRST PERSON I CONTACTED!!!”
I started to laugh, which only made him angrier. 🙂
Now that’s funny! The testicle text takes the cake!
LOL I chocked while reading that, hilarious, now that should be on a coffee mug
I love this story. You were first on his Testicle Emergency Contact list, yet you failed to recognize the honor that he bestowed upon you.
“In case of emergency about my balls, contact Lunachick, she’ll know what to do.” HAHAHAHAH! RIDICULOUS!
Yeah, maybe he needs a medical bracelet.
“LUMPY NUTS”
I’m sure you were waiting on pins and needles waiting for the status of his balls. lol
Exactly! hahah Why on earth would he think I would care about his nuts? SO delusional.
Well, it’s not like he was telling you where he’d been taking them to before that, why should that change now?
Yeah! 😀 LOL!
Say “testicle text” three times very fast….and feel free to giggle….
OMG – now the dogs are wondering why I’m laughing out loud…I actually tried saying out loud, TESTICALTEXTTESTICALTEXTESTICALTe…..and couldn’t finish!
This thread is fantastic for picking up my mood today, that’s for sure.
HAHAHAHAHA love it! I wanted to say “you just hurt me in one of the worst ways possible, and you want me to care about your BALLS? ARE YOU FOR REAL?” LOL! 😀
Wow, in a way, I almost wish my ex made an attempt at theatrically pretending to be sorry. I got some tears and a whimper of “I couldn’t help it” when finally, finally, finally being cornered with undeniable evidence after a long term virtuoso gas-lighting act.
After that it was hot anger at me for my unfair pillorying. She had cake for years apparently, and bringing her into reality was not met peacefully. I still get echoes of that anger 2 years later…AND got that anger from the OM too. Lovely.
The OM too? What? He didn’t want her all to himself?
I got a lot of anger from final OW, mainly because I spilled that she wasn’t the only one to anyone who would listen. Also, I told her partner and that ‘made her angry’ because it ‘wasn’t my business’. Seriously. She’s banging my husband and she’s pissed I told her partner? Fuck. Right. Off.
Anyway, rumour has it that now she ‘doesn’t have a problem with me’. Which is, you know, really a relief to hear. Maybe we can go get mani-pedis together sometime.
These people truly are insane.
Nord, I know you’ll sleep better knowing that she doesn’t have a problem with you now. Lol
I am blessed with the ability to forget the theatrics.
I probably have some emails in the inbox (there are like 9,000+ emails in there) that could remind me, but I’m not interested.
No chance of contending for the First Annual McDermott Staged Theatrics Award for Worst Actor in a Dysfunctional Relationship Involving Cheating because I am not going to do anything to try and jog my memory.
But it is fun reading others’ stories from the cheap seats.
Me too, TimeHeals. I was thinking the same thing. And then I thought, am I just repressing the awfulness…or do I just no longer give a rat’s ass about him and all his shit-bird antics? Is this what MEH feels like? But I do love me some crazyass chump-tales. Off to pop the popcorn and keep reading!
My wonderful NPD wife just kept it simple. She blamed me for all of her short comings. After 14 years it was all my fault that she cheated,,,, even after the MC told her hun you have a serious case of NPD lol yea that was pretty funny she brushed it to the side like it never happened & I still think she blames me to this day. Yea she said she was sorry & that lasted oh about a month & yea I am a chump I actually thought it was my fault and tried to be a better man and prob still try too hard & trust me I am far from the mommas boy weak minded wimp. I just kept thinking of my kids and what would become of them if I was not there. I know I know you can beat me up for that. I will say that every little fucking illness is always ALWAYS a drama scene (sigh)
IDK I keep plugging along,,, karma is on my side and as long as I stay honest do the right thing,, be nice loving,, giving, calm & sober the good karma will come my way and it does in spurts. And sorry if my spelling sucks just one of those things I dont worry much about in life !!!!!!!, 🙂
Micheal, not only did ex blame me for all his cheating, his parents did as well. Not in so many words but basically it was pretty much he wouldn’t have cheated if I hadn’t sucked so much as a wife. And that my freaking out when I found out he was cheating was really the problem. They still aren’t fully aware of his serial cheating – or maybe they just don’t want to know. Who knows, who cares. The only thing that bugs me is that I have to see all of them on the odd occasion involving the kids. I hope the kids elope so I don’t have to do entire weddings with that lot.
I’m a teacher. I’m giving you an A in writing. Keep up the good work!
Thanks 🙂 You made my Friday !
And the DRAMA oh my GOD the drama. In the end she was and is more worried about her image,,,,,fucking sad I sometimes feel bad for her.
They’re always worried about their image. I apparently ruined my ex’s reputation by telling people why we were divorcing. It had nothing to do with his numerous affairs – it was all because I told people. how’s that for disordered thinking?
Oh, and 2.5 years later he is still angry with me. Because I ‘ruined’ things by flipping out, telling people, and not going along with his ‘we grew apart’ line of bullshit.
Its just fucking sick, when I caught her the only thing she was worried about was WHO I was going to tell and HOW SHE WOULD LOOK . She was not worried about our kids and how this would fuck them up the same way her mother fucked her up by cheating on her dad, not worried about what it did to me,,, she was only worried about how she looked,,,,,yea I am still fucked and no I didnt drop the bomb. I thought of my kids 1st. She will prob cheat again and yea it sucks to be the marriage police its getting old,,,but I just could not face a day without hearing good morning daddy or reading his last book of the night and hearing your the bestest daddy ever 🙂