So much freakiness. So difficult to choose.
Where to begin? The pregnant chump who walked in on her husband blowing their lawyer? The guy who would sneak to the barn at night to “photograph his tractor”? (Add that euphemism to “hike the Appalachian trail.”) The apple-flinger?
I just want to give you all a collective (((HUG))). I know I say here that it’s not the pain Olympics, but if it were, even the Russian judges would be impressed.
That’s a lot of freakiness to endure. My one-pound bag of coffee has nothing on you guys.
I must, alas, declare a winner and I apologize for the delay. (I spent the day yesterday in my PJs, jet lagged and fell asleep at an embarrassingly early hour, then woke up at 2 a.m., ate some lebkuchen and went back to bed again. 2020 is the Year of the Sloth.)
The WINNERS are…
Quicksilver! for the cheater who promised he’d give up his mistress if the chump would just buy him a bicycle.
1. Promised he’d drop AP if I bought him a new bicycle so he’d have something else to do.
2. Gifted me an inspirational 8×10 glossy of himself going over a tiny jump on his bicycle with the inscription “Aim high and you can achieve your dreams”… autographed.
3. Claimed he was using viagra to improve his performance – on bike rides.
The glossy 8×10! The Evil Knevil delusions! The viagra!
Succinct and hysterical. I’ll be in touch Quicksilver — and I hope your cell phone designation for your ex is “Tiny Jump.”
Our next winner is AF5! for the cheater that goaded her into a pick me dance by sending her a SARONG from his Hawaiian fuckfest!
1. Cheater took OW on Hawaii vacation we had saved years for (also d-day).
2. Cheater mailed me a sarong from said vacation with a note that read ‘we thought this would look better on you’.
3. He hovered back a year later to complain that she cheated on him with the guy she regularly hired to clean their carpets.
Mr. CL punned: “That’s Sa-WRONG.”
Pick-me hula anyone? We can only hope that AF5 strangled him with it.
And that’s it for this year, CN.
Keep up the good work on your sanity. (((HUGS)))