Announcing My New Book
At last, I’m proud to announce that The Chump Lady Survival Guide to Infidelity has been picked up by the trade publisher Perseus and will be published by Running Press, March 2016.
I’ve mentioned it a few times here and there, but I didn’t want to make a formal announcement until I finally signed the contract. Which I did on Sunday. 🙂
My self-published book came out June 28 of last year. The first day it was for sale, it went number one on Amazon in Divorce. Thanks guys! That was also the day, coincidentally, that I was at a conference in Austin pitching agents. Talk about cosmic synchronicity. Nothing like attending a writing conference and getting a tweet that your book went number one as you are just about to meet an agent. I signed with an agent I met there.
But, as aspiring writers know, it’s not enough to get an agent. You have to be able to sell your book to publishers, which is some subjective science of How Much Is Your Book Like Another Best Selling Book? As anyone who has read my book realizes — it’s nothing at all like any other book on infidelity. For one thing, I argue against the presumption of reconciliation (which puts me at odds with 99.9 percent of the existing literature), and for another — I draw cartoons.
Here are some of the rejections I got:
Pass – She’s great – really funny and in-your-face — but I’m afraid I just don’t see a readership for a print book version of her work. I’m sorry. I hope you find her an editor who proves me completely wrong.
Pass – Although I appreciate Tracy’s updated approach to cheating and her tell-it-like-it is tone, I feel like it would be a tough sell beyond her devoted fanbase as I found most of the advice intuitive.
Pass – I love Tracy’s voice—she has great energy and really masters that “feels like a friend talking to you” tone. I like how she is direct and reasonable and funny all the while dealing with a very serious issue. But, to be honest, I don’t think I’m the right editor for this. Maybe it’s because I’m engaged to be married and am having a tough time swallowing the idea of being cheated on (!), but I just don’t feel the passion for this project. If she ever writes something else with a different beat to it, I’d love to take a look because her voice is one that is not easy to come by.
Pass – I really enjoyed Tracy’s empowering, un-pitying approach – she’s the best friend you want to have when you are going through something like this. I can totally see the appeal of this book, and obviously so can others, since she has done nicely with her self-published edition. But in the end, after talking with a few folks here, I’m afraid I have to pass. I’m afraid our concerns about topic overshadowed our enjoyment of her voice, and in the end I’m just not sure I can sell a book about infidelity survival, even one as take-charge as this.
Chump Lady just doesn’t seem like a phrase that women might identify with.
Essentially, nice writer, shame about the topic. I had to laugh that it wouldn’t work in print — after the BOOK went number one on Amazon in Divorce. Yeah, I don’t think it works at all…
As for the advice seems intuitive — well, that’s probably true, until it happens to you and then you realize that common sense is sorely lacking in the existing lit.
Well, thank goodness for Perseus/Running Press who decided to take a chance on me. The cartoons sold it — the new book will be around 256 pages in FULL COLOR with 30-40 new never-before-seen cartoons. If you wonder why I keep using recycled cartoons and e-cards? This is why. I’m saving my mojo for the new book.
Speaking of which — the title will remain the same, but the subtitle will be familiar — “Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life.”
The new book has the same material as the old book, BUT twice as much new content, including “Letters to Chump Lady” that illustrate each chapter. I’m making up the letters myself, based on actual submissions and comments I get here. (The stories are so much alike, you may think I chose yours.) Gives my snark free rein. Also there will be new chapters on Switzerland Friends and Family, Obsessing Over the Affair Partner, The Unending Punishment of Breeding with a Fucktard, more chapters on “gaining a life”, and true stories of the mighty. I’ve privately asked some readers here to share their inspirational stories with me. The publisher asked that the participants remain anonymous, but I assure you, these are real stories of triumph over cheater adversity.
All to say, if you bought the old book, I hope you will buy the new one too, as it is significantly different. And I also hope you’ll support the book, because buying it in droves the first year ensures its survival. How it ranks and compares to the existing titles decides things like whether it will be available overseas, will it get reprinted, etc. And finally, I hope you’ll review the next book as positively as you reviewed the first one. All of these things get the Chump Nation message out there to new chumps, and knocks a few unicorns out of the fairy forests.
On a personal note of chump triumph — do you see the fountain pen that I signed the contract with? I bought it in Paris on my honeymoon with my cheating ex. I bought it for him, an extravagant 18-carat-gold nibbed Dupont fountain pen, and spent around 400 Euros. An absolutely stupid amount of money to spend on a pen, but he loved that sort of thing and I was making a bold gesture for his birthday. (Because hey, Paris wasn’t enough?)
When D-Day hit, I hid that pen, and feigned ignorance of its whereabouts. It sat in a drawer. I thought about giving it away several times, because of its sad mojo. I didn’t really want it, I just didn’t want him to have it. I couldn’t get back my wasted time or money or the way he fucked up my son’s life, or my life. But I could take back the damn pen. (I left everything else.)
So the other day, it came out of its dusty drawer to sign the publishing contract for the new Chump Lady Survival Guide to Infidelity.
I thought about giving it away again after that, but reconsidered. Heck, I can sign some books with that pen. Every day I put it into service, I like to think people get a little less chumpy.
So maybe that was 400 Euros well spent after all.
Anywho, the old, existing book will not be for sale after mid-August (except used ). As soon as pre-orders are available, I will update the Book Page here and include the new table of contents and info on ordering. The new Survival Guide comes out March 2016 with Running Press. Thanks Chump Nation — I couldn’t have done it without you.
Tracy, congratulations. This is fantastic. You took an absolutely horrific situation and turned it into something positive for yourself, not to mention the boatload of others you have helped. This is a well deserved kudos. Cheers.
YES!! Congratulations! Count me in on a few books!
Congratulations, Tracy!! YOU. ARE. MIGHTY!! And I LOVE that you used the pen that you had intended for that x-douchebag. It was meant to be yours all along, for you to sign this document. I don’t believe in coincidences THIS big.
Massive thanks to you for providing an outlet and safe place for all of us Chumps, and providing a way for us to move through this hell without feeling alone after the betrayal. You’re truly an inspiration!!
xoxo & (((hugs!!!))) =D
Tracy – dear Tracy – the PEN (regardless of what it cost), Is indeed mightier than the sword. : )
You’ve armed us all. I am grateful. : ) Nain
Congratulations on your new book and publisher! Can’t wait to get a copy!!!
I’m laughing with regard to the comment about Chump Lady because “chump” has become such a part of my vocab. I recently signed up for online dating and thought about mentioning that I’m a chump and looking for another chump. It seems so appropriate to me!
An another laugh — I too bought my STBX the same pen in Paris on our honeymoon 32 years ago. His was stolen off his desk … at work. Wish I thought of that!
What wonderfully exciting news!! Congratulations! I will be among the first in line to purchase your book, and I will be telling all my fellow chumps to join me. You saved my sanity. Bravo to your publisher for recognizing that a book has that much power–get it out there to the masses!!
Congratulations! Wonderful news, can’t wait for the new book.
Congratulations to you! Onward and upward. So happy for you. Thank you for all you do!
Congratulations! I can’t wait for the new book. I will buy two, right off the bat. One for me and one to share, sadly, when necessary. Please try to come to Joseph-Beth Booksellers in Lexington, Kentucky, for a signing! It is a very large independent store. I know they would love to have you and there are fans in this area! Lyn and I know each other and we would be there, first in line!!! Tracy, you rock!!
Let’s start a list of independent bookstores for Tracy to visit throughout the country! I vote for The Bookmark in Atlantic Beach, Florida. An extra bonus-it’s located in a small scenic town, which is beautiful in the spring.
Powell’s Book Store in Portland, OR! Gorgeous city and the bookstore is recognized country wide as being one of the best.
Yes, come to Powell’s!
I think you’ll have to petition the publicity department of my publisher. Not every author goes on book tour. But I would love to visit anywhere I’m invited!
Please come back to PA – Chester County Book Company. I will rock your visit with good will
: )
This is wonderful news Tracy. The more you get the truth out about cheating the more voice you give to all of us. I am grateful for you and can’t wait for your new book.
If you do go on tour, please come to Greenlight Bookstore in Brooklyn, NY!!
By the way, my civil divorce is in sight. I am doing much better providing much less mental real estate for those doula monsters and sick ex. Some days I have real feelings of meh. I will make it.
Awesome news! I can’t wait to get a copy!
Congratulations Tracy! I’m very happy for you. Also glad the next generation of Chumps will benefit from your and the collective CN wisdom from your new book. Hopefully it will reach folks that might not have found your blog. I’ll be putting in for at least two copies.
Congratulations CL – this site came as a breath of fresh air to me after many years of unicorn hunting and as a veteran of the pick-me mindfuckery. I learned that my “special case” breed of cheater was nothing of the sort and that all the unique factors that made my story different were actually rather standard fare.
What the reconciliation industry has to sell is buckets of much needed hopium – maybe I can fix this and control the uncontrollable – and that is what new chumps want to hear. The truth might scare them out off.
The very popular “He is just not that into you” challenged the lies we tell ourselves about common relationship dilemmas. He has lost our number, he is shy, we have put him off by being too keen/not keen enough, he is going through stress at work, his dog has just died. In our hearts we know that none of these things deter guys who want us – it is just spackle.
That book was made into a successful film that told the truth in a light hearted way – I would love to see the same outcome for CL!
I look forward to your book and, in the interest of preserving the sanity of chumps everywhere, would love to see it as an international bestseller.
Me too Mary…I thought our situation was special and I was figuring out a fabulous way to save my marriage…turns out he was a garden variety cheater.
Awesome news Chump Lady. I will definitely be buying a couple more!
Congrats Tracy! This is wonderful news! I’m so very happy for you. I will be buying my copy when it comes out.
Congrats Tracy, You tell the truth in a way no one else does, I think it scares some people. But your legion of fans at Chumplady have lived it and you are our Voice! You are One of a Kind! Rock On!
Congrats! I only wish your book was out when I was in the thick of my divorce! As for the fan base, do they think that the world is going to stop spinning and cheaters are going to stop cheating?
and the fact that your fanbase is in the millions from your site means nothing to them?
Good question. You know, going through this process just really confirmed to me what a stigma there is about being chumped. Think of all the grisly subjects publishers publish. True crime, murder mysteries, dead children, pestilence — and what are your ODDS of that happening to you? But infidelity? Oh, horrible subject! Couldn’t possibly sell. Cannot IMAGINE this ever happening.
And if it DID? Well, I’d know what to do. The advice would be “intuitive.” Half the battle has been trying to win people over that yes, this shit is really COMMON, and people do get stuck and don’t feel supported doing that “intuitive” protect yourself thing.
Any Erma Bombeck fans out there? I am trying to find a reference to something I read decades ago about a young woman who was in prison for killing her child. She said when she read one of Bombeck’s collections she learned that she was not alone. She had been alone, penniless, no support group, no family, no knowledge of raising children and what a screaming baby can be like on those nights when nothing seems to help.
My point is that you may well have saved a life or two out there. You are needed and appreciated.
And if what I read on a book jacket is true, and there is one sociopath out of every twenty-five people, you will, sadly, never run out of material and your fan base will only grow.
Pearshaped, I have no doubt that a life or two have been saved. Just knowing that the suicidal thoughts are all part of the process, along with the paralysis, the PTSD, the whole up and down cycle, makes you feel like you’re normal and having the same reactions as other chumps. And like the survivors, I know I will get there someday. On days when I go off the rails, I come here and reread older posts for encouragement. This and DM’s site which has pulled me out of the darkness countless times. I guess my point is I wish everyone who feels like they are alone and no one understands could get this kind of free therapy. I’m sure the book will help with that.
I prefer to think of it as the gynocracy.
Actually, I meant to include that she read the book while in prison. She knew her life would have been completely different if she’d had a little knowledge. No internet back then, either.
Pearshaped–YES!!! I remember my mother (a HUGE Erma Bombeck fan) telling me that story. Didn’t the woman in prison say that she wouldn’t be there if she had known she could laugh about things?
I inherited my mother’s EB books, but won’t have time to look through them for at least a week (living through finals week).
Love, love, love Erma Bombeck! My mom loved her books too. One day I walked in on her absolutely hysterical with laughter (tears rolling down her face and everything) while she was reading one of her books. I made note of the book she was reading and when she finished I read it too.
I was only 12 at the time so a lot of the humor was over my head. What I did understand, I found hilarious. The book I found my mother reading was called “Just wait until you have children of your own”. I re-read it as an adult after I had my first child and it really resonated. It sounds like it could be a contender for the book that woman in prison read.
I gather from Erma’s writing that husbands weren’t a big help when she was raising her children. I know a lot of husbands still don’t help that much but I think there are more that help now than did in those days.
Well Arnold, at least you finally recognize what the patriarchy took from men as well as women. Glad to see you understand that now.
Yes, and many more women are pitching in on the financial aspects of raising a family now, too. Seems both genders are making progress toward equality and sharing responsibilities. It is amazing how many men, now given some more freedom to enter the child rearing/nurturing realm are doing so. If only society had granted them this opportunity earlier…
You know, even though the site and book are about infidelity, I find the advice has more universal applications. People can be crappy, even when they keep their pants on, and it takes a lot of gall to make decisions and live life on your own terms while being decent. That’s what being a “chump” is all about.
I’ve said this before – that the lessons learned on here are great for all non-infidelity cheating as well.
Lots of people are manipulative snakes, and these lessons help to carve through that shit too.
I agree – I just used several Chump Lady terms to help a friend chumped – or betrayed – in the workplace after 20 years of hard work. Telling her she would get to Tuesday and it would be ‘meh’ (to make her laugh) made me realise how betrayals of any kind can result in similar, disorientating trauma.
Manipulative snakes – yes. And they can certainly wind themselves round inside your head.
I have a friend who constantly gets bashed about for her speaking out that losing your husband and family unit as you know it through a divorce when you’ve been chumped is worse than losing your husband who has died. They just don’t get it. Maybe this is something you can address and target those people who really don’t understand what it feels like and what we go through. There is such little empathy from the ‘rest of the world’ and I hate when they say “Get over it already!” Sigh…..
My husband died and then I discovered all his secrets. I can say with absolute conviction that grief over his death was a walk in the park compared to the total devastation of learning of his betrayal and infidelity.
Cheryl…that is exactly what my daughter said to me after months of discovery of ALL the sick activities, the HUGE financial tear down, the many skanks and the EA/PA and her children that he was supporting. “Mom, what if he died and then we found this all out!” (He was 68, a non compliant diabetic, overweight and sedentary.). My heart goes out to you Cheryl. Sending you a huge Chumpy Hug. BA
Chump Lady…I am singing with the choir here and part of the standing ovation. Congratulations on the new book and giving back to a Nation desperately in need of help. Your blog has been such a support for me over the past year….I know when I arrive on Tuesday in the land of Meh and look back on this time in my life, a large piece of my memories will be reading Chump Lady. Looking forward to buying and reading your book.
I like that image – the creation of Chump Lady memories in the land of Meh.
My x was extremely ill when his infidelity came to light. I agree that dealing with his terminal condition was child’s play compared with coming to terms with the fact that my one great love was one great lie…
By all appearances, I have “gotten over it”, mainly because my profession abhors a chump. The fact of my betrayal remains with me every day. It’s kind of like being the victim of a violent crime; the assault on one’s core identity never goes away (especially for those of us who are older and were married a very long time). So this place really is my refuge and the people who post here make me feel less alone. I think Tracy’s book is going to find a very large market and will end up on bestseller lists, much as Can’t We Talk About Something More Pleasant did. Time to start negotiating movie rights!
Good Guys/Good Woman don’t cheat, lie, get hotels, spend money on porn, blame their spouse, spend money on others and walk away from their life as if it never existed, and further the pain by disregarding/manipulating their children. The list goes on. These are cruel, selfish, entitled, disordered assholes. Their exit is classless and sleazy leaving the good honest spouses and children to pick up the pieces. It is a death of knowing your life was a series of fake memories from the past and of the illusion of commitment for the future. Nothing was real but the pain they leave in their wake. I hate the fucking x cheating narc and pray he lives a horrible shitty life and suffers for his actions. There is no intuition great enough to combat their indifference or fucked justification which I never heard. We didn’t ask for this burden. I would have taken a PASS if I knew. This book is so valuable.
Wow! My story is like Violet’s but I’m not over it as it is still fresh (3 months ago.) I’m shy on this site but have learned a great deal from reading it and will be brave sharing in the future. Great therapy. Congrats Tracy! Being in Texas, I hope you will have some book signings in Dallas area!
happily never after – I’m in Dallas too. Perhaps we could connect. I will post in the forums.
Me, too , Violet. I was really quite in love with my first wife and I was happy with my family, including my two young sons when her infidelity was uncovered. that was just about 21 years ago. I still think about how she tore our family apart by cheating serially while I was completely oblivious to it as I trusted her so much.
My life has been changed so much since then, some for the worse some for the better.
When this happened again, in my second marriage 8 years into it, it tore open an old wound. No one should go through this even once, but twice messed me up forever.
I have real trouble with intimacy and trust now. My brain is much more scattered. I fight anxiety a lot. I think of suicide fairly often.
Tracy’s site has really helped me and I will bury a few copies of the new book , as I , often , encounter people going through this.
I go pretty far back on this site, and believe I was one of the first folks here, having encountered Tracy on TAM and SI, before I was banned. I had to laugh when one new poster accused me of being a troll after some back and forth about the patriarchy and male oppression stuff that had invaded the site. I’d been here years before her and contributed regularly.
Anyway, congrats CL. If I qualify for the Senior Open ( unlikely , but possible) I will advertise for you on my bag.
Arnold, don’t start with the poor sausage and misogyny on this post celebrating CL’s new book. Just stop
Damn, Arnold. You make it really hard for me to embrace you as a fellow chump. I’ve been here about 6 months, so I don’t know your history. Dat, you go!
Arnold, no one should have to go through this ever. I too loved my life with my family. I will never understand how anyone can make a choice to cheat. It’s just not part of our makeup. I had a dream before Mother’s Day that I saw them together and beat him to a pulp with my bare hands. I woke up unable to breath. When I am here I find hope knowing there are people in the world who share the same experiences and have integrity.
A movie that actually portrays the truth of infidelity would be something of a miracle.
Or a documentary.
How about a CL Cruise!!!
Well yeah. True crime, murders, etc.?? Well that stuff happens to *other* people and we can be voyeurs to it. Infidelity? That hits a little more close to home…. Why tweak something I might be in denial about 🙂
Gotta love those strange squirrels, book publishers. Ha! Thanks for doing this work, CL. And I am excited to see the new book when it comes out! Will it come out as an eBook as well? I hope so. Moving too many paper books these days…trying to go digital and save my back 😉
Yep, ebook too!
I think some of those rejection letters are the publishing equivalent of “ILYBINILWY”! 🙂
Congrats!
I thought the same thing–they love you, but they’re not “in love” with you.
There is some beauty in the right publisher being named after Perseus. He was mostly raised by a strong single parent, had a good stepparent figure, he faced down some scary monsters, drove a pretty great karma bus, and he had some fantastic shoes that helped him run out of bad situations…sound familiar?
I’m so happy the right publisher saw your tremendous value. And that you reclaimed your pen.
Typing with fingers crossed that the book has a cartoon of that goldfish who is not gonna knit me a sweater.
Congratulations!
I love this!! I hadn’t thought of the Perseus connection! He’s also the guy who cut the head off Medusa. Slaying gorgons… yeah, that’s me. 🙂 (Actually I rather look like Medusa, but best not to over think this..)
And I chose a gorgon for one of my patronuses/patroni. Don’t slay her.
I’m viewing it as an lovely auspicious coincidence. Slay on, CL.
And yeah, that throw away line about the gold fish has stuck with people. I need to cartoon that.
please send reference to “gold fish line”. I am so out of it….
Here you go, Happily Never After: links to the best phrase ever regarding the futility of expecting a human being to change his or her fundamental character and behaviors (at least that’s how I deploy it!). When someone says “have no expectations”, picture the goldfish and the knitting needles. That sweater is never going to appear. I’m looking forward to the cartoon so I can place it in a fancy gold frame in my office.
https://www.chumplady.com/2013/08/narcissists-be-crazy/
https://www.chumplady.com/2014/11/life-post-cheater-buy-try/
https://www.chumplady.com/2014/09/chump-lady-gets-a-letter/
https://www.chumplady.com/2015/02/dear-chump-lady-break/
My post with the goldfish references is awaiting moderation. In the meantime, here are some of my other all time favorites regarding the futility of it all:
Expecting closure from a cheater? Might as well expect tap-dancing from a snake. – Nomar (2013 post called Why, Why, Why Closure)
Might as well try to teach a toddler physics. Mephista (2013 post called Where’s My Meh?)
This one from Red especially hit home for me: trying to reason with an alcoholic is like trying to discuss quantum physics with a two year old: it doesn’t work. (2013 post How Do You Divorce a Narcissist)
Oh totally. You have to have a really thick skin to subject yourself to this. Fortunately between HuffPo and the trolls, I’ve developed one. (Well, they would argue with that, seeing as I delete them.) 🙂
What a fantastic achievement Tracy, I am so glad I found your website 3 years ago, I look forward to the new book and the artwork, you are so very talented.
As an aside -perhaps you could post an inspiring article on how some of us Chumps can get our own ‘mojo’ back my own illustrated kids book project is lying in my portfolio 75% completed but I haven’t physically been able to open it since DDay, it’s like a light went out……
Anyway, congrats again and keep the pen it’s obviously come in handy!
Don’t wait for mojo. Try discipline instead. Just force yourself to do it, and set your expectations LOW. At first anyway. Just do it. Do it. Do it. Then it comes.
Yes, I know, I am doing that with everything else work/health etc. but I am procrastinating deliberately on the creative side, back life drawing every week though – so that’s a start…….:-) I shall take a deep breath and have a peek……….
Well done again!
// , I think that’s a great start! It’s good to see you doing something you enjoy.
Congratulations!! You deserve another best seller! I agree with Irene. I think this can be a scary topic for sure – especially for someone who *thinks* their SO *might* be cheating.
This has likely been said before, but IMO, I think the Reconciliation Complex plays on the emotion that people are afraid to break off their marriage and be alone. It’s an extremely hard thing to face, but, more often than not, necessary.
Congratulations. The voice for Chumps just got louder. I look back and realize I would not be where I am now without YOU and the CN. Count me in for a copy and maybe I will send one to the Mr. 50% responsibilty MC I had. Haha.
I think we should all send a copy to whatever therapists we have seen. Maybe that will influence change in the way these therapists handle the topic.
I was going to send one to my former therapist. I went to this woman for a year while trying to find the ‘Unicorn’ I decided to have my cheater husband attend a session with me. I thought it would be a good idea to have her meet him and talk to him about a few concerns. Well by the end of the hour he had bamboozled her with his half-true stories and blame shifting excuses. He totally manipulated the situation and she fell for it. I left there shaking my head. Of course I never went back.
Shortly after that I found CL’s book and the first thing I thought of after I read it was that I have to send her a copy. Well I am definitely doing it with this book! And maybe keep an extra copy in case I ever come across another chump to spread the Chump Power.
Cheers to CL!!
I’m with you, amjive!
Congrats!
Well Done CL. It’s a fact – if you do good, good comes back to you. When I stumbled onto your site (after reading some nonsense about “standing for your marriage” in the middle of the night), I stopped sobbing and got a little more of a grip every day. I’m not sure how well I would be if it wasn’t for you, the CN, and your book.
Humor and a fighting spirit – the tools that keep me skipping …and sometimes crawling to MEH were reborn in me when I decided I wanted a new life.
Gratitude does not adequately describe the emotion that I feel for you and the CN. Congratulations!
Congrats Chump Lady. Will definitely be buying your new book.
Woohoo! Wonderful news, can’t wait to read it!
WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL!!! AND THE ADORING CROWD ERUPTS IN APPLAUSE!!!!
That is a great story about the pen, it certainly needs to accompany you to book signings.
In addition to the book, I am so anxious to see the new cartoons; I love them! I have submitted a few suggestions and in my mind’s eye I can see how you would illustrate one in particular. I have mentioned the XBF’s inane utterance a few times over the months and always get gleeful snarky remarks from CN regarding it. Maybe it passed the cartoon worthy test. (We couldn’t let the entitled narc know though or he would claim ‘intellectual property’ and demand royalties–lol)
What a great accomplishment, Tracy! I hope you have a book signing in San Antonio!
You would think the market would be wide open for you CL. But there are those who chose not to live in the light of the truth. Thanks for living out loud.
Cant wait for the book!
OH Yay!! Congratulations, CL! I will continue to support you by purchasing the new book, and please let me know if/when you might return to Lancaster County for a signing 🙂
Okay, only if you promise me pickled beets. 🙂
I agree in that this is obviously the Elephant sitting in many living rooms. If somebody hears your spouse may be cheating (or you tell them) – they avoid you, in case it’s contagious. So, what is SO surprising about your refusals on the book (other than the freshly married editor) is that they don’t think that 50% of us are going through this?
My God – bury your head, publishers.
To be truthful, I also thought ChumpLady was a silly stupid name.
I hated the name chump..and lady combined.
Of course, that didn’t matter in the end.
She got me out of my marriage quicker than you can say Lady Chump. (lucky me – found her in a week)
I bow to you – and wish you great success on this book.
And, I’d be proud to read Chump on one side of my sweatshirt, and Lady at the backside. (I get it now)
Doesn’t this world (our country anyway) need to pull their heads out of their asses and start TALKING about this issue, and the complete devastation of families – which, of course, ARE society’s problems? Why hasn’t there been a book out there that talks about the truth of Adultery, being the main cause of D. ooo…sweep it under the rug.
There are just too many of us for this not to become a movie..(or yes, documentary).
It’s way overdue to get the word out how much damage this does to families and our society in general.
Bowing – CL
Congratulations, Tracy, on this wonderful opportunity! So glad a publisher has recognized the value of your message and hope you reach even more chumps, far and wide.
I’m not only going to buy multiple copies of the new book (it’s amazing how many people I find to ‘lend’ them to!), I’m going to take the couple of copies of the self-published one that I have left and insert them into the self-help section at the library ….. Somebody who needs it will find it!
Brilliant!
Congratulations CL! That’s great news.
So… congrats, CL!!! Great stuff!
As a fellow writer, I can tell you what one famous person in my topic niche once told me: “there is a special place in hell reserved for publishers!”
Here’s a potentially awesome karmic thought:
If you are in the Philly area you can look me up, and we can see if we can get you and your ex-cheater-pen set up for a book signing at the local independent book store where my STBXW used to work, and which her AP owns!
That would be so much ironic karmic chumpy mightiness in one location, we all might explode! 🙂
You rock!
Congratulations Tracy!! I will most definitely be buying the updated version of the book Loved the first one. You and Chump Nation were there when I needed to hear the brutal truth and deal with the cheater. Y’all were right on time for me. You gave me words and actions to move forward so I didn’t stay stuck for very long. Everyday just gets easier and easier. God bless you!!
Now if I could just figure out this whole dating thing….
Fantastic!
Love your writing Tracy and although I never read your first book, I’ve just ordered it. Looking forward to the next although I am hoping to by then, writing in as having reached meh and only relating the good stuff! Congratulations.
Bravo Chump Lady on your Book deal, for being such an inspiration, and for leading us out of the darkness into the light.
Woo-Hoo! Congratulations Tracy! I will definitely be buying a copy of the new book (maybe more than one)! I am so happy for you! I know I would not have been slapped into the reality of my “real” existence as quickly had I not found your blog. Before finding your blog, I felt like I was mired in quicksand even though I had already begun therapy. Coming here was like that slap in the face that Cher gave Nicholas Cage in “Moonstruck” and being told to “snap out of it!” – and snap I did.
Thank you so much for everything that you do and thank you for paying it forward to help Chumps like me navigate and get past one of the worst things that can happen to someone. Big hugs and kisses and a toast to you! Continued success!
Chump Princess, I can relate to that slap in the face. “Get busy living!” Lol
Congratulations!!…Looking forward to the new book!
Tracy, it’s almost amusing that people are so uncomfortable with such “negative” subject matter that they’d turn down an opportunity to publish your book. I guess it’s easier for them to be in denial and pretend that cheating doesn’t happen to good people. Nobody actually wants to look this pain in the face (except you), so thank you again for all you do here.
Congratulations!
I think you’ve changed the language around infidelity and introduced much needed and well-aimed snark. You deserve the success.
As a phrase as a man, I’ve identified with “Chump Lady” just fine, thank you.
Congratulations CL!!!
I have a feeling those agents who didn’t sign you will be smacking themselves.
Congratulations Tracy! I know that many more chumps will be helped by the wider publication of your book. It is no exaggeration to say that this site saved me. I found it through a link on an RIC site, where I was learning how to “make the marriage the better place to be.” I knew in my heart that was bs. God bless whoever posted that link. I’m 8 months out from d-day and still in hell, but I know that I’ve been spared years of dragging out the misery through false hope.
As for your perspective being intuitive–well of course it is. You never claimed to be a psychologist or to have conducted extensive empirical testing–this is REAL life, and we’re all learning from each other. Neither your book nor your blog have ever said what I wanted to hear (with the exception of the pain is finite and you will one day get to meh), but what I NEEDED to hear. What finally got me off the stay-or-leave seesaw was the striking number of chumps who refer to their 2nd D-Day. 2nd D-Day?!?!? I’m already in shreds. I’m not sticking around for that. Traditional infidelity advice books and the RIC don’t tell you about subsequent d-days. The proof is in everyone’s stories and similar experiences. I now know that I’m not alone, I’m not crazy, and it’s not my fault.
Again, so thankful to have found CN. I can only afford very limited counseling, and I get more out of this. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
That’s how I found my way here too Carmella1722! It was from a RIC site and one of the less liked contributors posted an article from CL. At the time I was in my third year of wreck-con-ciliation; dancing like a pro and trying to make the marriage a better place to be. I too feared the ever popular second dday that I read about on this site horrifically often.
Reading the Chump Lady and her words of wisdom was like a veil was lifted up and I could see clearly again.The more I read on her site the more I grew tired of playing the role of marriage police so I stopped. I also stopped feeling a connection with the exhole almost immediately. I had a niggling feeling that what we had wasn’t real and everything I read pointed to the fact that I didn’t have a unicorn; I had a run of the mill, non contrite cheater. I had learned to become a master spackler.
About 8 months after my first visit to this site, I asked him for a divorce and shocker of all shockers, he’s living with the OW now. Gives me a real warm and fuzzy feeling that their affair never really ended and I totally did the right thing. Never got the official second dday but I have no doubt if I stayed it was a sure thing.
I’m not at meh yet but I’m getting so close!
Glad you found your way here cheaterssuck. We are all the lucky ones. (If it’s possible to feel lucky).
How to tell a cheater from a healthy person.
Narcissist Cheater: “Talk about cosmic synchronicity.” means “The fact that the OM flirted exactly one week after a seagull flew over me as I walked in the rain without an umbrella is a sign that my affair is true love.”
Healthy Person: “Talk about cosmic synchronicity.” means “I self-published a book that went #1 while I met with an agent and I stuck with it and now have a book deal, and throughout the whole process, my spouse and I supported each other.”
See the difference.
I cannot wait to get my copy of your book and would LOVE to have you sign it with your pen! I have gained so much strength from visiting this blog daily and could not imagine going the distance without CL and Chump Nation!
Life changes……..it doesn’t end after the divorce. My story isn’t over……I’m just starting a new chapter!!!
Tracy, you helped me start that chapter! THANK YOU!!!!
I would definitely pay MORE for a signed copy! (Tracy, you could donate the extra money to a good cause!)
I am thrilled for you Tracy. I think your new book is going to be a huge success and I would not be surprised to see you on lots of tv shows once the new book takes off. I just know it will. The legions of chumps you will help will be astounding. You Go Girl!
Years ago I wrote a self help guide for people who have lost loved to murder. Let’s just say I have a most impressive rejection slip collection. Lately I’ve been thinking of giving it another go. Things are different than they once were as far as self publishing goes and you have given me hope that maybe the perception that no one wants to read about recovery from a loved one’s homicide has passed. Thanks Tracy.
Go for it, Tessie. Self publish your book. While it’s true that the topic is very niche, that niche desperately needs to hear the voice of one who has survived the ultimate nightmare. You are so strong and your words are so clear… I think your book could well be a lifesaver for many people.
Give it another go, Tessie! Self publishing has really evolved and IMO will kick traditional publishing’s butt in a few years. We’re just on the cusp of that change. I have nothing but good things to say about createspace.com and Kindle Direct Publishing (all owned by Amazon). It gets your book to an international audience immediately — there are MANY people in the world who could use that support. Yes, you have a sad niche, but an important one. Go for it!
I wholeheartedly agree Tessie – you should give it another go. You have a very distinct voice and strong writing style. You have inspired me and so many other Chumps have said the same. Your message is powerful and I am very sadly sure there are many people in the world who must feel utterly alone with their tragedy. I am certain there is a wider need for the world to hear you. xxx
Congratulations and all the best wishes!
Great News! Hang in there all you chumps out in the world who have yet to discover CL – help is on the way. And the cheaters? Start quaking in your boots, the jig is about to be up!
Is it too early to pre-order? 🙂
As soon as I get the green light to pre-order, you’ll know. It’ll be up on this site. Probably early this fall.
Yay! You go, CL! Can’t wait to read the book!
YAY! Can’t wait to get the new book. Just when I think I am at “meh” I find myself back here looking for help decoding the craziness of my XH. Who needs counseling when you have Tracy’s blog & books! Congrats!!!
Yes, I never did the counseling thing (perhaps because his OWife was a licensed marriage/family counselor) and Tracy’s blog did more to heal me than everything else. I am not perfect but I was ALL IN with my marriage. My ex, however, wasn’t. He was always looking for greener grass! Lol
Congratulations, Tracy! Fabulous news! Maybe the next one could be “How NOT to be a Chump”. With hindsight being 20/20, you could really help women and men who are dating and/or engaged to listen to that distant warning bell. No one was more stunned than I that my asshat cheated on me, but looking back, those red flags of narcissism were waving from the very beginning. If I had had your tell-it-like-it-is voice back then, I just may have saved myself 25 years of misery. Your voice helped me dispense with the denial, the excuses, the bullshit and helped me trust that he sucks. Thank you!
Oh yes, the perfect sequel to ‘how to leave a cheater’ would definitely be ‘how to avoid marrying a future cheater!’
Yes, THIS! <3
Yay!!!!!! So glad to here it CL! Will definitely be buying at least 2 copies of the next book, and then will probably buy more as we’ve bought our own copies, then given them away to friend chumps and bought ours again.
The irony of using your cheater’s pen to sign a contract for a book about kicking cheaters out the door is so awesome!! Congrats!!!