Dear Chump Lady, It seems if people aren’t on the Esther Perel train when it comes to their relationship ideologies, they talk about the Gottman’s. The Gottman Institute has put out all kinds of info and studies over the years, and my complaint isn’t with their ideology. However I do get frustrated when people cherry […]
The Mindfuckery of Reverse Victim Offender
There must be a bazillion “How To Tell If He/She’s Cheating” articles on the interwebs. You know, the usual — new cologne, sudden penchant for 9-hour Pilates classes, weird showering habits, furtive texting, requires cavity search to reveal cell phone… But here’s the real clue you’re dealing with a cheater, and it’s not lipstick on […]
Is All This Anger Normal?
Dear Chump Lady, My husband walked in on Christmas Eve to break the news that he had fallen out of love with me and was leaving me for another woman. I had spent the day wrapping gifts for his family and prepping food for Christmas dinner, while he was with the other woman planning their […]
How Do I Get Over Feelings of Unfairness?
Hi Chump Lady, So I chucked out my ex after D-Day 2 a couple of months ago (although D-Day 1 was technically affairs…. I also suspect there have been more). We have been together 22 years, married for 13, and have 3 young kids. I had to be the one to end our relationship despite […]
Imagine Justice
Chump Lady is feeling a little stabby lately. This is what comes from following the news cycle. I won’t get into it. I try to keep things nonpartisan here, which when you’re a stabby person, isn’t the easiest thing. Trust me, there’s a lot of imagined lapel-grabbing and shrieking. And then a beta blocker and […]
Dear Chump Lady, How do I stop being so mad at my ex?
Dear Chump Lady, How do I stop being so angry at my cheating ex? I get flashes of it and it makes me tired. He’s off living his single life with affair partner and gets 50/50 shared custody of our child. (I’m happy with that, although I miss my child lots). He’s just become so […]
Playing the Victim?
Dear Chump Lady, During my shock of learning and trying to understand why he cheated on me, when I thought we had a great relationship (he was full of remorse after girlfriend #1 and begged for forgiveness..) — he is now leaving me for girlfriend #2. I have stated the obvious to him that what […]
Dear Chump Lady, Where do I go with this anger?
Dear Chump Lady, After a year of being told lies about an affair I finally found the truth on the laptop. So he’s 50 and she’s a 24 year old work colleague who still lives at home. We have been together 11 years and have a little boy. He told me he is with this […]
When You Need Cheater Twu Wuv to Fail
We’re all about Meh here at CN — that Promised Land of acceptance where the pain stops and you don’t really care what your cheater does any more, or with whom. That said, a lot of chumps wouldn’t mind an exit ramp to Schadenfreude. “D-Day was 6 months ago and I’m fine… I just want […]
Sunshine, Lollipops, Middle Fingers
If you’re a woman, you’ve probably had a stranger tell you to smile. I remember the first time it happened to me, I was 19 years old and walking to class at the London School of Economics. Lost in thought, probably thinking about Kant or something pretentiously liberal-arts-ish. A construction worker told me to smile. […]
