Category: Blameshifting
Why Blame the Chump?
Dear Chump Lady, Why are these so called experts so rabid about blaming chumps for their part in creating a situation where they got betrayed? …
‘I Thought You Were Okay With It’
This nugget of Stupid Shit Cheaters Say was recently submitted to me: “Let’s be honest. You’ve had another man in your life for the past …
So Why the Hell Isn’t She Happy Now?
Hi Chump Lady, So my wife had an affair and after being found out asked for a trial separation. She said she had been “struggling …
He Says I’m “UnChristian” for Divorcing Him
Dear Chump Lady – I’m 6.5 months since D-day and filed for divorce 2.5 months ago. My daughters are 17 and 20. The 20 year-old …
UBT: ‘Don’t give up on me!’
Dear Chump Lady, Long-time reader, first-time UBT submitter. I’m a gay man and was with my ex-boyfriend for about 7 years. I need some UBT …
‘My therapist wants to know how I caused my husband to cheat’
Dear Chump Lady, I just finished reading your book. Your words about using caution when finding the right therapist were life changing for me. I …
‘I Can’t Trust That She Sucks’
Dear Chump Lady, My wife left me for another man 8 months ago. You could argue that she didn’t TECHNICALLY cheat on me (at least …
Redefining Intimacy
Jammy had a stellar comment on yesterday’s UBT post, which I think merits its own discussion today. To wit: For the love of all things …
UBT: ‘It’s Not Who I Am’
Dear Chump Lady, Can you please put this through the Universal Bullshit Translator? I do know what the affair did to you, and I’m sincerely …
Dear Chump Lady, What’s my ‘role’ in the break-up?
Dear Chump Lady, I have started my divorce, working on the settlement, and I’m a few months after my D-Day with a spouse of 20+ …
The Pollyanna Blameshift
When fuckwits are caught doing something they shouldn’t, there are only a few moves on the chessboard. Admit it. Deny it. Or blameshift it. Although …
Stupid Shit I Thought About Infidelity Until It Happened to Me
In the past, we’ve catalogued Stupid Shit Other People Say about cheating. However, I feel it’s only fair to acknowledge that I was once capable of saying …
Dear Chump Lady, I went grey rock, he went nuts
Dear Chump Lady, My chronically cheating EX husband is unfortunately stuck in my life until one of us keels over because I had a baby …
When You’re Married and ‘Fall in Love’ with Someone Else
Dear Chump Lady, I am a recovering chump, happily divorced and living in the State of Meh. Your blog saved me, and I still read …
How to Deflect Gaslighting
Today’s How-To-Keep-Your-Sanity tips come from CN’s own Amiisfree, who sent in scripts she uses to deflect mindfuckery. If you’re anything like the average chump, (decent, …
Dear Chump Lady, I’m angry with myself for not leaving sooner
Dear Chump Lady. I recently read your book, and it’s helped me a lot to not contact my ex-boyfriend (which had previously been very difficult), …
Cheating Wife Needs a ‘Safe Space’
Dear Chump Lady, I got married 3 years ago and recently my wife and I had a baby. My wife and baby are both gorgeous, …
You Don’t Need Closure
Once upon a time, a fellow “Chump Chap” wrote to me after he realized that he’d gotten a non-apology apology from his cheating ex. He’d …
‘I Haven’t Been Happy for a Long Time’
The other week someone asked me to decode, “I haven’t been happy for a long time.” (Also sometimes expressed as “WE haven’t been happy for …
Dear Chump Lady, He says I’m ‘selfish’ for leaving him
Hello, My story is pretty much the same as everyone else’s with a small twist. Married for 12 years. He said he wanted another child …
