Category: Blameshifting
Dear Chump Lady, Did he cheat because I confided my fears?
Dear Chump Lady, Please make me feel better about my situation or at least help me to stop blaming myself. It took me 25 years …
Dear Chump Lady, “We never had sex anymore…”
Dear Chump Lay This is a “My truth hurts” story. Been married 20 years and found out 4 months ago that hubby was cheating. Truth …
Meaningless Flings and the Myth of the Good Cheater
Decided to rerun this one today. You Bitter People can obsess over that “meaningless fling” that doesn’t define your cheater. Feel free to comment! So …
Dear Chump Lady, I have a back-stabbing mother-in-law
Dear Chump Lady, I’m 3 weeks a chump and my cheater is your usual no-remorse, gaslighting passive-aggressive joy who is now playing at being the …
UBT: Cheaters didn’t know “what else” to do!
Yesterday’s post on closure got this response from “gdmmt” accusing chumps of victim mentality and not caring enough about the feelings of cheaters. I thought …
UBT: “You don’t love me the way I need to be loved”
Today’s Universal Bullshit Translator request comes from Keep on Thriving: Hey, CL, can we analyze this: “You don’t love/value me the way I need to …
When Escape Is Your Best Option
Today’s guest post is by J.C. You were one of the mighty chumps. With the universally understood truth that it is the cheater who should …
Unconditional What?
One common example of the Stupid Shit Cheaters Say is cheaters’ disappointment that they were not loved “unconditionally.” Apparently, they are capable of “unconditional love” …
What Dreams Did You Crush?
Apparently, many of us stood in the way of cheater greatness. One thing I noticed, reading all the stories here, is how so many chumps …
I Haven’t Been Happy for a Long Time
The other week someone asked me to decode, “I haven’t been happy for a long time.” (Also sometimes expressed as “WE haven’t been happy for …
Dear Chump Lady, My teenagers blame me
Dear Chump Lady, I have 2 teenaged girls. They are lovely kids, handling all the mess and changes as well as I could possibly imagine. …
UBT: I Wish You Were Still Nice
The Universal Bullshit Translator gets a lot of “It’s not what I did, it’s how you reacted” pitchforked into it. Blameshifting lays around in piles. Why …
Don’t Judge Me
In yesterday’s comments the subject of “judgement” came up and a chump asked if I would write a column on, you know, the phenomenon of calling …
You Might Actually Suck, But You’re Still a Chump
Several people sent me the HuffPo article that ran recently “4 Huge Mistakes I Made As a Wife (Now Ex-Wife).” Crap that bookends nicely with yesterday’s …
Dear Chump Lady, Where do you find the strength?
Dear Chump Lady, In October, I discovered my husband was trolling for men online while on business trips. This isn’t new — I had a …
Dear Chump Lady, Lack of melatonin made him cheat
Dear Chump Lady, Today I found another secret phone line that my husband has been contacting the OW with. We have an initial appointment for …
Dear Chump Lady, My sister blames me for my husband’s affair
Dear Chump Lady, I just had a conversation with my sister about my cheating husband. I can’t seem to get it through her head that …
But I Always Come Back to You
If you ever had any doubts that cheating was about unbridled narcissism, look to the Boomerang Cheaters. They screw around but then assure you, hey, it’s okay — …
The Cure for Cheating — Plastic Surgery? WTF?
As long as we’re blaming the victim, did any one catch this wing nut Louise Van Der Velde who claims that women should have plastic …
Blame a Chump, Save a Unicorn
When it comes to infidelity, there are a lot of fuckwits awfully invested in the blame-the-victim narrative. Of course, chumps aren’t alone in this. You can …
