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“Our Marriage Was Already Over”

July 30, 2020 by Chump Lady

Here’s some one-size-fits-all cheater bullshit for you — “Our marriage was already over.” Cheaters say it to affair partners, “We’re all but divorced!” “We’re separated!” “Just roommates!” And cheaters say it to their spouses when they’ve been discovered cheating. Our marriage was already over. Well, yes, it is now. But did chumpy you get that […]

Filed Under: Blameshifting, Cake Eating, Pick me dance Tagged With: Blameshifting, Marriage Over

UBT: ‘Shortcut to Happiness’

July 22, 2020 by Chump Lady

wayward

Dear Chump Lady, I could really use the Universal Bullshit Translator to determine if this is a genuine apology. We have an 11 year relationship with 2 kids riding on it. D-day was 4 months ago. The context: his affair lasted over a year and was with a 28-year-old coworker (I’m 39, he is 37) and […]

Filed Under: Cake Eating, universal bullshit translator Tagged With: Happiness, Sorry Not Sorry, Universal Bullshit Translator

He’s Sad and I Feel Responsible

May 6, 2020 by Chump Lady

mindfuck

Hi Chump Lady, I left my house and asked my husband for divorce after 4 years of marriage. I found out through the OW’s ex-husband that my husband was cheating on me, and later on, I discovered photos on her instagram that were enough proof that he cheated. (Not photos on them, but things that […]

Filed Under: Cake Eating, Trust that they suck Tagged With: Crocodile tears, Genuine Imitation Naugahyde Remorse, No Contact

He Told Me He Loved Me

April 29, 2020 by Chump Lady

broken heart

Dear Chump Lady, My boyfriend of 5 years has been cheating on me for 6 months with another “woman”. She claimed she didn’t know about me, and that he told her we had broken up, moved out of our home etc. I’ve been fed so many lies now, I don’t even know what’s true or […]

Filed Under: Cake Eating, Deception Tagged With: Rejection

He Left Me. Why Won’t He Agree to a Divorce?

April 22, 2020 by Chump Lady

cake man

Dear Chump Lady, How do you deal with a fuckwit who won’t do the things necessary to separate from you? On the very rare times I’ve seen my ex (child drop offs), he says under this breath, “we need to separate NOW!”, like he means business. So, I think to myself, “Yep, couldn’t agree more.” […]

Filed Under: Cake Eating, Divorce Tagged With: cake eating, dragging out divorce, withholding

UBT: “Will Our Affair Survive the Lockdown?”

April 20, 2020 by Chump Lady

schmoopies

A few bazillion of you sent the Universal Bullshit Translator the Guardian’s “I’m involved with a married man. Will our affair survive the lockdown?” Penned by “Anonymous,” filed under “Relationships,” I’m not really sure what the point was. Is she looking for advice? (None is given. Comments are off.) Is she shouting her true love […]

Filed Under: Cake Eating, Other Women, universal bullshit translator Tagged With: Affair Partners, coronavirus, COVID, Universal Bullshit Translator

Can You Imagine Being Quarantined With Your Ex?

April 9, 2020 by Chump Lady

At Chump Nation we’re a wee tad sensitive about Conscious Uncoupling. You know, the divorce narrative where you remain best friends forever (For The Children!) and share Thanksgivings together with all your partners, and go on Carnival cruises (when that was a thing), and form minor softball leagues and religious sister wives cults, and post […]

Filed Under: Cake Eating Tagged With: Bruce Willis, coronavirus, Demi Moore

Cake Speak?

April 3, 2020 by Chump Lady

Whenever I’m trying to categorize posts, invariably I file most under “cake eating” — the act of having both a chump and an affair partner (or 6) and all the entitlement therein. Which made me realize we have an entire sub-category of Stupid Shit Cheaters Say — Cake Talk! “After we divorce, we could always […]

Filed Under: Cake Eating Tagged With: cake eating

When You Work With Your Ex

March 26, 2020 by Chump Lady

Dear Chump Lady I’m in the unfortunate position of having to continue to work in a business with my ex. I know this isn’t ideal, but we work on opposing days and most communication is via email and purely business related. I’m hoping that we can sell the business and finally go our separate ways […]

Filed Under: Cake Eating, Hopium, No contact Tagged With: No Contact, Working with ex

Grieving the Affair Partner and Other BS

March 10, 2020 by Chump Lady

cake

Here’s a Reconciliation Industrial Complex trope that can die in ignominy — chumps being patient as their cheater “grieves” the affair partner. Ain’t that special? What sort of quack gives license to the mope-fest that is the tragic loss of cake? “Oh, if you reconcile, you must show love and understanding to your partner right […]

Filed Under: Cake Eating, Quacks, Reconciliation Tagged With: Grieving affair partner, reconciliation, Reconciliation Industrial Complex

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