ChumpLady.com

Leave a cheater, gain a life

“What do I tell my crying children?”

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Dear Chump Lady I have been reading your site for weeks now after discovering (after several years of suspicion) that I am an enormous chump and finally plucked up the courage to ask for help. I don’t know what to say to my two children when they are crying because they feel that their family […]

Recidivism?

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I usually bridle at the reductionist criticism “once a cheater, always a cheater.” We’re not the final word on anyone’s character. While I don’t believe in sudden character transplants, I do think character can change over time — slowly, painfully, with a lot of introspection, and a shit-ton of consequences. As I’ve argued elsewhere, however, […]

Dear Chump Lady, My husband got engaged

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Dear Chump Lady, My husband got engaged. (This statement does not contain a typo, although even a search engine tried to get me to add “ex” to the topic prior to displaying the full results as apparently even the internet knows that this isn’t appropriate behavior). We are still married. Last night, he posted on […]

I Haven’t Been Happy for a Long Time

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The other week someone asked me to decode, “I haven’t been happy for a long time.” (Also sometimes expressed as “WE haven’t been happy for a long time.”) It’s trotted out when the chump is looking for an explanation as to why their family life just blew up. Well DUH. “I haven’t been happy for […]

UBT: I Will Return with a Fuller Love

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There’s nothing like a good serving of cake to make cheaters really appreciate their chumps. Shana submitted this gem to the Universal Bullshit Translator and says it was from an exchange of emails with her husband as he worked overseas. She asked him: “Are you seeing someone, having sex, etc.?” “I really appreciate the courage and […]

Dear Chump Lady, Am I an insensitive jerk because my husband wants to date?

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Dear Chump Lady, Am I being unreasonable for having a problem with my husband’s ongoing relationship with a woman he tried unsuccessfully to seduce? One night about a year ago, we both got home from our respective jobs and my husband burst into tears. I’m talking, deep, rasping sobs. With his head on my lap […]

Dear Chump Lady, He keeps returning and crying

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Dear Chump Lady, From the time I caught them coming out of Motel 6 holding hands and reeking of sex… (The affair partner tells they’re “just friends.” I respond — do you fuck all your friends? In her defense, she probably does…) Anyway, back to the cheater…. from Motel 6 day to just last week, […]

Dear Chump Lady, The OW must be really great for my wife to give up everything

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Dear Chump Lady, You wrote on your post Ego Kibbles that: “Part of that problem is the cheater – they’ve got a hole in their soul where empathy and connection should be.” What puzzles me about my cheater’s situation is that she won’t stop her affair because she has found a “deep connection” with the […]