Dear Chump Lady, I’ve been separated about 8 months from my STBX cheater. We were married for 7 years when he began having an affair with his ho-worker. I went through the hell of false reconciliation several times and I finally said enough was enough, because I just couldn’t buy his bullshit anymore, and I […]
Situational Truth
Stephen Colbert coined the awesome word “truthiness” — when referring to politicians who spin their own versions of reality. They seem so sure of themselves, who cares if it’s not the truth? It’s truthy! Similarly, the food writer Michael Pollan in his book “In Defense of Food” distinguishes between actual food (things “your great-grandmother would […]
Dear Chump Lady, Why is he copying me?
Dear Chump Lady, My ex cheated on me relentlessly, with a mind-boggling amount of women. We had four D-days before I had the strength to get the hell out of there, so yes, I’m a super chump. It’s been a couple of years, but he still reaches out and seems clueless as to why I […]
Dear Chump Lady, Why won’t he get a life?!
Dear Chump Lady, Cheater has been with the same OW since all this started — over three years ago, when I was pregnant with my now 2.5-year-old son. WHY does he insist on continuing to harass me? Why isn’t he content to ride off into the sunset with the woman of his choice, and just […]
Character Assassination? Expect It.
A lot of my Chump Lady mail can be divided into two categories, “I got chumped… what are people going to think?” and “I got chumped… and my cheater is telling people terrible things about me.” Both followed with “And what can I do about that?” Nothing. Sorry, chumps. You can’t do anything about what people […]
Cheater Warning Signs?
Wouldn’t it be nice if every toxic person just came with a giant forehead tattoo? Then you could really sort the wheat from the chaff. But as we chumps sadly know, they don’t. And we have the therapy and legal bills to prove it. I’m often asked — did you see any signs? What would […]
Divorcing the Disordered — An Interview with Dr. George Simon
In 2013 I interviewed friend of the blog, Dr. George Simon for HuffPo. I thought it’s long past time to rerun this column, as I can’t recommend Dr. Simon’s works enough (see the Resource page for his books or check out his site at www.manipulative-people.com ). Simon is a psychologist who has spent over 25 years […]
The Day of the Deadbeat
By request, today’s “fun” Friday challenge is to share your deadbeat ex stories. #dayofthedeadbeat Unfortunately, infidelity tends to go with other sorts of shitty behavior like fiddling the books and stealing funds or failing to pay bills. Hey, kibbles don’t come free you know! And when you’re a super, special person who deserves more, what’s […]
The Ready Chump Response to “I’ve Changed!”
I reckon I’ve read tens of thousands of infidelity stories to date. Maybe hundreds of thousands. (I should crunch the numbers.) And one common recitation I read time and again after D-Day, is when cheaters threatened with the loss of cake, don unicorn costumes and tell chumps that they’ve Changed. Really? Upon discovery of affairs and […]
Dear Chump Lady, How do they flip so fast?
Hi CL, I’m guessing by now you’ve heard it all but here’s my story: My soon-to-be-exhusband and I have a one-year old together, we never had any marital problems and he was actually one of the most caring, involved fathers I’ve ever met. Then we found out he was deploying (military) and he said “well if […]
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