Dear Chump Lady, I would love to hear your take on this: When my former significant other was sneaking around behind my back having her affair, she would wait until I went out of town and then invite her affair partner, (from another country!), to book a flight and spend time with her in our house, […]
Cheaters Suffer from “Low Self-Esteem”?
If you spend any time on reconciliation boards, you’ll read a lot of creative excuses being thrown around about the deep shame and inadequacy that cheaters feel. Really, it’s there buried deep under their secret cell phones, dating profiles, and FOO issues. The whole time they were screwing around on you, somewhere deep in their […]
Cheater Warning Signs?
Wouldn’t it be nice if every toxic person just came with a giant forehead tattoo? Then you could really sort the wheat from the chaff. But as we chumps sadly know, they don’t. And we have the therapy and legal bills to prove it. I’m often asked — did you see any signs? What would […]
Stupid Shit Schmoopies Say
If you’ve ever had the pleasure of discovering your partner’s secret correspondence to a fuckbuddy, you know how ridiculous kibble-speak can be. Devastating? Sure. But also hilarious in a gallows humor kind of way. What’s more absurd than the breathy adolescent sweet talk of two cheaters in limerence? Your fun Friday challenge is to share that stupid shit […]
Unconditional Love
One common example of the Stupid Shit Cheaters Say is cheaters’ disappointment that they were not loved “unconditionally.” Apparently, they are capable of “unconditional love” and we, being irrationally angry, small-minded meanies, are not. Unconditional love, from what I can tell, seems to be this perpetual state of Grace, where no matter what cheaters do, no […]
What Did Your Sad Sausage Want Sympathy For?
The sad sausage self-pity channel probably provokes more Stupid Shit Cheaters Say than the other two channels, rage and “charm.” It’s kind of absurd for chumps to expect succor from the cheaters who gutted us, but it’s exponentially more ridiculous that cheaters want sympathy from chumps. Really, dude, you want me to understand that you’re grieving […]
Compartmentalization
The excuse is often given for cheaters that they are “compartmentalized.” Cheating on you is nothing personal, it’s just that you were in Spouse Compartment, as distinct from the Schmoopie Compartment, and it’s best if the cake slices don’t touch. The compartmentalization excuse is trotted out in various ways. There is the sad sausage variant — […]
Cheating Is a Very “Individual” Thing
One of the mindfucks that surrounds infidelity, or really disordered behavior in general, is that it is “exceptional.” Hey, this isn’t the real him. He was provoked and cheating was a bad coping mechanism. Okay, she cheated, but it was just an emotional affair that never any went further. Anyone can cheat. Good people cheat. Once […]
Dear Chump Lady, Why do cheaters work from the same script?
Dear Chump Lady, After faithfully reading this blog and thinking about all that we have been through I still have questions. 1. How did all of these cheaters from all over the world basically learn the same script? I read everyone’s posts and I keep hearing the same dialogue that I had with my ex. […]
I Love You But I’m Not In Love With You
“I love you but I’m not in love with you” is classic cheater-speak. Chumps misunderstand this statement as a definitive goodbye, I’m leaving for my fuck buddy, when I really think it’s more subtle — it’s cake and impression management. Lyn asked: I was just curious about your opinion on using “I love you, but I’m […]
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