If you spend any time on reconciliation boards, you’ll read a lot of creative excuses being thrown around about the deep shame and inadequacy that cheaters feel. Really, it’s there buried deep under their secret cell phones, dating profiles, and FOO issues. The whole time they were screwing around on you, somewhere deep in their […]
Dear Chump Lady, Is he just your average narcissist?
Dear Chump Lady, I’ve been reading your blog for quite some time now and am learning tons about all the different kinds of fuckwits out there. For some reason I really need my cheater to be a narcissist. I’m stuck on the idea that if he isn’t a narcissist then maybe there was something wrong with […]
UBT Me, Please
Well, this doesn’t happen very often. A cheater submitted their OWN bullshit to the Universal Bullshit Translator. Yes. Really. This blog is absolute crap! I believe that the infidelity person should be given a second chance to prove that they can have the life they had before they caused and made a big mess of “you’ve […]
The Dead-Eyed Stare
So what about those dead-eyed stares, huh? The other day a thread broke out on the blank look cheaters give you when you confront them with their lies. What is that look? Condescension? Vacancy? Amusement? Are the manipulation wheels spinning so fast, the facial expressions are set in neutral? What’s going on in there? I remember […]
A Public Service Announcement for Remorseless Cheaters
Dear Cheaters, Apparently there is still some confusion out there that your extracurricular shenanigans are wrong. In the interest of members of the unsuspecting public that may hook up, marry, or have children with you, the following PSA is offered. 1. You aren’t “edgy.” You think we lack the sophistication and intellect to understand your complicated love […]
We Could Be Friends!
One submission that I get over and over again for “Stupid Shit Cheaters Say” is the cheater insists — you know, you’d really like the affair partner! You’re a lot alike! You could be friends! The betrayed person is absolutely gobsmacked by this (clearly, or they wouldn’t submit such nonsense to be immortalized in cartoon […]
The “People Pleaser” Excuse
I used to see this “wayward” excuse all the time on infidelity RIC forums, and it came up again in that last UBT piece — the cheater isn’t a vapid, selfish, destructive person. No! They’re a people pleaser. See, she cheated on you for the noblest of motives — to please another person. He wasn’t a horrid man — the […]
Early Wingnut Warning Signs
Wouldn’t it be nice if every toxic person just came with a giant forehead tattoo? Then you could really sort the wheat from the chaff. But as we chumps sadly know, they don’t. And we have the therapy and legal bills to prove it. I’m often asked — did you see any signs? What would […]
Naming Abuse
So I was watching this TED talk recently, of Leslie Morgan Steiner talking about being a victim of domestic abuse. She was the classic “battered wife” and she talks in this video about what was going on in her mind, why she didn’t leave her abusive husband. Well, eventually she did leave — she’s very […]
What is the difference between cheaters and chumps?
Today’s guest post is by Tempest (who has a PhD in psychology) Yes, yes—the obvious; one betrays their marriage or family as the other is trying to keep it healthy. Chumps free associate “CL” as Chump Lady, cheaters as CraigsList. And, of course, we suspect that there are gross personality and cognitive differences between cheaters […]
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