Dear Cheaters, Apparently there is still some confusion out there that your extracurricular shenanigans are wrong. In the interest of members of the unsuspecting public that may hook up, marry, or have children with you, the following PSA is offered. 1. You aren’t “edgy.” You think we lack the sophistication and intellect to understand your complicated love […]
We Could Be Friends!
One submission that I get over and over again for “Stupid Shit Cheaters Say” is the cheater insists — you know, you’d really like the affair partner! You’re a lot alike! You could be friends! The betrayed person is absolutely gobsmacked by this (clearly, or they wouldn’t submit such nonsense to be immortalized in cartoon […]
The “People Pleaser” Excuse
I used to see this “wayward” excuse all the time on infidelity RIC forums, and it came up again in that last UBT piece — the cheater isn’t a vapid, selfish, destructive person. No! They’re a people pleaser. See, she cheated on you for the noblest of motives — to please another person. He wasn’t a horrid man — the […]
Early Wingnut Warning Signs
Wouldn’t it be nice if every toxic person just came with a giant forehead tattoo? Then you could really sort the wheat from the chaff. But as we chumps sadly know, they don’t. And we have the therapy and legal bills to prove it. I’m often asked — did you see any signs? What would […]
Naming Abuse
So I was watching this TED talk recently, of Leslie Morgan Steiner talking about being a victim of domestic abuse. She was the classic “battered wife” and she talks in this video about what was going on in her mind, why she didn’t leave her abusive husband. Well, eventually she did leave — she’s very […]
What is the difference between cheaters and chumps?
Today’s guest post is by Tempest (who has a PhD in psychology) Yes, yes—the obvious; one betrays their marriage or family as the other is trying to keep it healthy. Chumps free associate “CL” as Chump Lady, cheaters as CraigsList. And, of course, we suspect that there are gross personality and cognitive differences between cheaters […]
Honor Among Cheaters
Cheaters have a weird moral code. They may have fucked the babysitter in the family van, on the sofa, and on the twirling teacups at Disney World, but if you ask: “Did you screw her in our bed?” The answer is: “What? Do you think I’m some sort of monster?!” Far be it for us to think […]
Unconditional What?
One common example of the Stupid Shit Cheaters Say is cheaters’ disappointment that they were not loved “unconditionally.” Apparently, they are capable of “unconditional love” and we, being irrationally angry, small-minded meanies, are not. Unconditional love, from what I can tell, seems to be this perpetual state of Grace, where no matter what cheaters do, no […]
Dear Chump Lady, What is it with cheaters and ennui?
Dear Chump Lady, What is with the cheaters gripped by ennui? My cheater started cheating about a year ago with a co-worker. I had noticed that he was texting her a lot a few months before the affair became physical and he typically dismissed it as “a work friend”, she was “very interested” in the […]
It’s “Complicated”
One thing that baffles me about cheating is that people think it is “complicated.” There’s even a relationship designation for that on online dating sites — you aren’t married or single, no, you’re in a state of “it’s complicated.” Apparently, infidelity is so full of nuance and subtlety that only enlightened sophisticates can understand it. […]
