If you’re a chump, you were completely blindsided by cheating. I was. I mean it never occurred to me to ask if my cheating ex if he had a 20-year long affair, a kid, dodgy financials, or P.O. boxes. Whoddathunkit, right? But like all chumps, in retrospect I could kick myself for being such a trusting […]
Who You Thought You Were, Who You Really Are
So riffing on last Friday’s post “What You Thought It Was, What It Really Was,” I thought we might turn things on their head a bit and consider our self-perceptions — then and now. Who did you think you were then, living with a cheater — and who are you really? How deeply did you […]
Dear Chump Lady, Why blame the chump?
Dear Chump Lady, Why are these so called experts so rabid about blaming chumps for their part in creating a situation where they got betrayed? Can’t they just admit that cheaters are sick fucks? Ugh. I loved my ex-husband and he knew it. I did the whole forgiveness thing and he acted remorseful and ultra […]
Dear Chump Lady, I’ve got a problem with self-worth
Dear Chump Lady, I’m a little over three months out from my STBXW meeting a new guy, and beginning a divorce a little over a week later, after being together for 12 years, married for 10. I have read all the usual advice for moving on, and I’m doing it the best I can: find […]
5 Things That Keep You Stuck with a Cheater
Are you on the fence about leaving a cheater? Is this not their first rodeo? Here are some common traps that keep you stuck with a cheater and prevent you from moving on. 1. Hope. Codependency has been described as the addiction to the POTENTIAL of things. Are you hooked on a cheater’s potential? Wow, […]
Dear Chump Lady, Why am I thinking “If only…”?
Dear Chump Lady, Would love some tough love. One night after making a healthy gluten-free meal for my husband, kid, and kid’s sleepover friend, hubs and I had a quickie in the shower while the kids were outside. Fifteen minutes later I am walking into the den with my dinner (you know…feed everyone else then […]
Being the Marriage Police
If you didn’t leave right after D-Day, you’ve probably spent some time in chump Police Academy. You know, those dark days of “trust but verify” spent trying to hack into email accounts, cell phone SIM cards, velcro-ing voice activated recorders under carseats… Just how far did you go? (Anyone have a shoe phone?) Today’s column […]
But I Love Her (Him)
On any given day at Chump Lady, you’ll see the following recitation: awful thing, awful thing, unforgivable thing, run-away-like-your-hair-is-on-fire abomination! …. and then the chump utterance, “But I love him.” (Or “But I love her.”) Oh. You LOVE her? Then King’s X! Why didn’t you say so! I was totally mistaken that someone who threatened […]
UBT: “My husband has stopped cheating on me after 35 years.”
Many people sent me this article that appeared in last week’s Guardian, “My husband has stopped cheating on me after 35 years.” “Kate Simpson’s husband was serially unfaithful all through their marriage but she chose to ignore it. At last she has an exclusive relationship with him – has it been worth the wait?” At […]
Dear Chump Lady, I need to be needed
Dear Chump Lady, I’m a little over three months out from my STBXW meeting a new guy, and beginning a divorce a little over a week later, after being together for 12 years, married for 10. I have read all the usual advice for moving on, and I’m doing it the best I can: find […]
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