Dear Chump Lady, Your blog and book have been real lifesavers for me, and they’ve helped me both frame my own experience and describe it to others. I certainly have seen several other LGBTQ+ people who routinely comment on your posts and participate in the related discussion forums elsewhere. I, for one, appreciate that your […]
‘Other Chumps Infuriate Me’
Dear Chump Lady, I was cheated on years ago. It was a horrible, messy, painful two years. I wish I’d had your book back then to save me the heartbreak. I’m mostly over it, except for one thing. Every time I hear a chump making the same excuses I used to make, I get absolutely […]
Stupid Shit I Thought About Infidelity Until It Happened to Me
In the past, we’ve catalogued Stupid Shit Other People Say about cheating. However, I feel it’s only fair to acknowledge that I was once capable of saying such stupid shit myself. Maybe you were too. One lasting gift of infidelity is that you’re never so smug again. What did I learn? Well, I thought I’d make a […]
Chump Lady Gets a Check
A little miracle happened Friday night — and I wanted to post and say thank you to Chump Nation. I came home from work, went through the stack of mail, and found a letter that looked rather ominously official. It was from the literary agency that represents my book — Leave a Cheater, Gain a […]
Dear Chump Lady, I’m angry with myself for not leaving sooner
Dear Chump Lady. I recently read your book, and it’s helped me a lot to not contact my ex-boyfriend (which had previously been very difficult), and to fully acknowledge his bullshit answers on evidence that never made sense. I first (yes, first…) discovered his cheating about three years ago. It came with the baggage of […]
Devastating Writing on Making Your Needs Small
Whoever this writer CJ Hauser is, she’s done an absolutely magnificent job of describing the chump condition. Go read her. Go buy her book. A reader sent me Hauser’s recent essay in the Paris Review — The Crane Wife. It begins as Hauser has just canceled her wedding and goes ahead days later with a […]
When Men Are Cheated On
If Google analytics are to be believed (and they know everything right?) about half of the people who read here are men. Where are they? Mostly lurking. (Assuming they aren’t your stalking ex. Google doesn’t have a break down for that. Yet.) With 26 million-plus page views and nearly 5 million unique visitors — that’s […]
The Silent Chumps
The first year I started this blog, I was asked to appear on a HuffPo video panel. The subject was on being friendly with your exes. (Mine was the “no thanks” vote.) Before the segment began, the other panelists and I were chatting and introducing ourselves, off air. I said howdy, mentioned my blog, and […]
Dear Chump Lady, Am I the toxic one?
Dear Chump Lady: I’m not sure it’s possible to get through this nightmare of truth-trickling and gaslighting without picking up a maladaptive strategy or two. But I am really really ready to put them down now. From raking him about his movements to stalking his social media, I am starting to resemble the Eight Signs […]
Dear Chump Lady, How do I forgive myself?
Dear Chump Lady, I stayed in a marriage with a serial cheater/sex addict. I know I should have been out of there thirty seconds after the first discovery but unfortunately I just emotionally shut down ten seconds after that first discovery. I stayed and ignored obvious incongruities and lies. I stayed and became immune (or […]
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