Leave a cheater, gain a life
I get the same letter here at Chump Lady over and over again. It goes like this: I know he’s a liar and a cheat. He did 14,357 unspeakable things (all described). I can’t let go because I know if I do, he’s going to change and be different for the other woman! And after […]
Last week this chump metaphor caught my eye — as the world mourned the death of Nigel, the lonely gannet on a remote island off New Zealand. Nigel was renown for his steadfast love of a concrete decoy. Apparently there are chumps in the animal kingdom too. The Washington Post reports: Nigel, a handsome gannet […]
If you’re a chump, you were completely blindsided by cheating. I was. I mean it never occurred to me to ask if my cheating ex if he had a 20-year long affair, a kid, dodgy financials, or P.O. boxes. Whoddathunkit, right? But like all chumps, in retrospect I could kick myself for being such a trusting […]
So riffing on last Friday’s post “What You Thought It Was, What It Really Was,” I thought we might turn things on their head a bit and consider our self-perceptions — then and now. Who did you think you were then, living with a cheater — and who are you really? How deeply did you […]
Dear Chump Lady, Why are these so called experts so rabid about blaming chumps for their part in creating a situation where they got betrayed? Can’t they just admit that cheaters are sick fucks? Ugh. I loved my ex-husband and he knew it. I did the whole forgiveness thing and he acted remorseful and ultra […]
Dear Chump Lady, I’m a little over three months out from my STBXW meeting a new guy, and beginning a divorce a little over a week later, after being together for 12 years, married for 10. I have read all the usual advice for moving on, and I’m doing it the best I can: find […]
Are you on the fence about leaving a cheater? Is this not their first rodeo? Here are some common traps that keep you stuck with a cheater and prevent you from moving on. 1. Hope. Codependency has been described as the addiction to the POTENTIAL of things. Are you hooked on a cheater’s potential? Wow, […]
Dear Chump Lady, Would love some tough love. One night after making a healthy gluten-free meal for my husband, kid, and kid’s sleepover friend, hubs and I had a quickie in the shower while the kids were outside. Fifteen minutes later I am walking into the den with my dinner (you know…feed everyone else then […]
If you didn’t leave right after D-Day, you’ve probably spent some time in chump Police Academy. You know, those dark days of “trust but verify” spent trying to hack into email accounts, cell phone SIM cards, velcro-ing voice activated recorders under carseats… Just how far did you go? (Anyone have a shoe phone?) Today’s column […]
On any given day at Chump Lady, you’ll see the following recitation: awful thing, awful thing, unforgivable thing, run-away-like-your-hair-is-on-fire abomination! …. and then the chump utterance, “But I love him.” (Or “But I love her.”) Oh. You LOVE her? Then King’s X! Why didn’t you say so! I was totally mistaken that someone who threatened […]
