Dear Chump Lady, I have a question for the New Year — as we’re all thinking about new beginnings. It’s a simple question but I’m sure the answer is not so simple: Do you have any advice on how to fix a broken picker? I’m nowhere near ready to date yet. Not even close. But […]
Join the International Academy for the Advancement of Chump Studies
This one goes out to the pseudo-therapist-sexologist quacks everywhere and the diploma mills who love them. I’m rerunning my piece on Chump Credentials. Join IAACS now! It’s about time I fluffed up my resumé. I mean, what’s keeping me from a TED talk and international corporate stardom? Goddamn it, I need an Institute! There, let me […]
You Might Be a Chump If..
Time for another rousing round of You Might Be a Chump If… ! In the vein of comedian Jeff Foxworthy’s “You Might Be a Redneck If “… tell me how you might be a chump. What are the signs? Ever wonder what quirks are particular to chumps? You might be a chump (YMBAC) if … instead […]
Dear Chump Lady, Why does he want to stay ‘friends’?
This column goes out to JB from yesterday’s post. Who seemed to be suffering a bad case of Bargaining Stage of Let’s-Be-Friends grief. What’s in it for cheaters to remain friends? A lot. You? Not so much. *** Dear Chump Lady, My husband has said that he cannot bear the thought of never seeing me […]
Dear Chump Lady, I drunk dialed
Dear Chump Lady, I was in a six-year relationship with a compulsive liar, so I have really appreciated your articles. We broke up last year. He proposed on my birthday. Unproposed two weeks later saying his parents did not approve. He got married last month. That’s that. I was wondering whether you could give me […]
Owning Your Chumpiness
My name is Tracy, I’m a chump, and I’ve been spackle-free for ten years. It’s a struggle, of course. Some woman from the local charitable sorority will press me into service for the garden tour and it’s a battle to say no. I’ll think, “I just did two straight years of graphic design for you […]
Why blame the chump?
Dear Chump Lady, Why are these so called experts so rabid about blaming chumps for their part in creating a situation where they got betrayed? Can’t they just admit that cheaters are sick fucks? Ugh. I loved my ex-husband and he knew it. I did the whole forgiveness thing and he acted remorseful and ultra […]
“Closure,” Don’t Do It.
“Closure” is just another word for hopium. Put down the crack pipe, chumps. Don’t confuse closure with acceptance. We’re all about the meh here. Acceptance — learning what you control and what you do not — is peaceful and hard won. I’m talking about that insane stage chumps go through where they try to speak […]
Nice vs. Kind
There was an interesting side discussion the other day on Chump Lady about the difference between niceness and kindness. Many people noted that their cheaters appeared to much of the world as “nice people,” but in point of fact, lacked kindness. (Sure, it’s an understatement to say that cheating is unkind.) Now, I don’t want […]
Entitlement Reinforcement
We talk a lot here about intermittent reinforcement — that power that makes chumps stay because you get a small pay off. A kibble? For me? Wait. Wait. Wait. Nothing. (Tectonic plates shift, the earth ages, glaciers melt…) KIBBLE! OMG! A scrap! It’s so, so significant because it’s as rare as unicorn teeth. My precious! […]
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