Category: Chumps Decoded

The Pretzel Logic of the 180

If you’ve spent any time reading the reconciliation literature, you’ll notice a lot of reference to the “180.” She won’t stop seeing her affair partner? …

Read More

Living with Uncertainty After Infidelity

I remember once upon a time when my life was going to Hell, a friend wrote me a cheer up email and ended it with …

Read More

Potential Addiction

On my birthday post, several people commented on the line that “Codependency is the addiction to the POTENTIAL of things.” No one is a bigger …

Read More

Early Wingnut Warning Signs

Wouldn’t it be nice if every toxic person just came with a giant forehead tattoo? Then you could really sort the wheat from the chaff. …

Read More

Naming Abuse

So I was watching this TED talk recently, of Leslie Morgan Steiner talking about being a victim of domestic abuse. She was the classic “battered …

Read More
inert chump

The Good Advice Chumps Won’t Take… Now

Since the Ashley Madison hack broke, a lot of folks have emailed me to ask — hey, did you get a huge swell of numbers …

Read More

What is the difference between cheaters and chumps?

Today’s guest post is by Tempest (who has a PhD in psychology) Yes, yes—the obvious; one betrays their marriage or family as the other is …

Read More

Your “It’s Not Okay” List

The other day, a chump sent me this letter of her “It’s Not Okay” list. I thought this would be a useful exercise. What will …

Read More

The Compassion Trap

“What we want most is only to be held…and told…that everything (everything is a funny thing, is baby milk and Papa’s eyes, is roaring logs …

Read More

Dear Chump Lady, How do I heal my “kindness flaw”?

Dear Chump Lady, How do I stop caring about my husband of 22.5 years — his health and state of mind? He has significant anxiety …

Read More

The Chump and the Psychic

Did anyone see this crazy story in the New York Times yesterday? A very gullible 32-year-old man in Brooklyn paid over $700,000 to a psychic. …

Read More
zombie

The Dreaded Fear They’re Going to Be Better for Someone Else

I get the same letter here at Chump Lady over and over again. It goes like this: I know he’s a liar and a cheat. …

Read More
maintain your dignity

Dear Chump Lady, When does the pain stop?

Dear Chump Lady, Tonight is a hard night for some reason. It has been 11 months since D-Day. And since then stories of other affairs …

Read More

Nice vs. Kind

There was an interesting side discussion the other day on Chump Lady about the difference between niceness and kindness. Many people noted that their cheaters …

Read More
maintain your dignity

Why Did You Stay?

So yesterday we were theorizing about why Beyonce stays in her marriage — what was your reason? Fear of failure? Living alone with cats? You …

Read More

80 Rosebushes and Other Chump Manias

When cheaters cheat, they take a lot of time, attention (and money) from their marriages. Nature abhors a vacuum. So what takes place in  that absence? …

Read More

Being the Marriage Police

If you didn’t leave right after D-Day, you’ve probably spent some time in chump Police Academy. You know, those dark days of “trust but verify” …

Read More

What Would You Tell Yourself at D-Day?

Who wouldn’t love a do-over? I’m sure a few of you navigated this shit perfectly right out of the starting gate, but most of us …

Read More

Dear Chump Lady, How can I get my chumpy friend to wise up?

Dear Chump Lady, I just wanted to get your advice or insight on what you would say to this extremely naive, gullible chump. She and the cheater …

Read More

A Public Service Announcement for Chumps?

Wouldn’t it be nice if there was a public service announcement on the effects of infidelity? I mean, gee whiz, we have them on smoking, …

Read More
>