I was once approached online by a nice man Trevor, who sent a complimentary email introducing himself and his website, thinking we had much in common. He wanted to inform me and my readers of his services. His website was a commercial sales site for catching cheaters and other miscreants — including lazy employees and […]
Dear Chump Lady, He lies about everything… and why won’t he watch our dogs?
Dear Chump Lady, I am trying to overcome my Chump title and to divorce my husband of 37 years after his two affairs. He had me convinced this was my fault and he was broken and I didn’t respect him enough and so on. Seeing that I was not the first chump who got this […]
You might be a chump if…
If you’re a chump, you were completely blindsided by cheating. I was. I mean it never occurred to me to ask if my cheating ex if he had a 20-year long affair, a kid, dodgy financials, or P.O. boxes. Whoddathunkit, right? But like all chumps, in retrospect I could kick myself for being such a trusting […]
Situational Truth
Stephen Colbert coined the awesome word “truthiness” — when referring to politicians who spin their own versions of reality. They seem so sure of themselves, who cares if it’s not the truth? It’s truthy! Similarly, the food writer Michael Pollan in his book “In Defense of Food” distinguishes between actual food (things “your great-grandmother would […]
What You Thought It Was, What It Really Was
How many times do we write “tip of the iceberg” around here? When faced with a D-Day, chumps never get the full picture. And, fact is, many years out, you realize “the whole truth” is unknowable with a cheater. There are skeletons you will never unearth. Meh is walking away from the shovel. But I […]
Dear Chump Lady, He proposed… and then he cheated
Hi Chump Lady, I was in a relationship for 8 years, engaged for less than a year. I didn’t push for a proposal, that was all his decision. Whilst we (read: I) was planning the wedding, he was having an affair with a work colleague — we had booked everything, I had got my dress […]
Dear Chump Lady, In our bed? WTF?
Dear Chump Lady, I would love to hear your take on this: When my former significant other was sneaking around behind my back having her affair, she would wait until I went out of town and then invite her affair partner, (from another country!), to book a flight and spend time with her in our house, […]
The Trickle Truth is Neither Trickle Nor Truth
Add to the list of Reconciliation Industrial Complex euphemisms I despise — “trickle truth.” I’ve ranted about “wayward” before and the “fog,” but it only recently occurred to me that “trickle truth” is equally moronic… or Orwellian. (Moronically Orwellian? Deviously Orwellian? Anyway…) “Trickle truth” is like “truthiness,” the term comedian Stephen Colbert coined for the rebranding of […]
The Unlikelihood of True Remorse
There’s an article over at HuffPo on how a cheater should tell their spouse they’ve been having an affair. There’s some discussion on tell versus don’t tell. (I’m not going there — duh, TELL. Yes. Of course.) But what interested me about the interview with Dr. Scott Haltzmann is his peculiar warning that cheaters might […]
UBT: “I can’t remember”
Probably no other statement gets sent to the Universal Bullshit Translator more than “I can’t remember.” What is it about cheating that fogs the mind? (Did all that boinking lead to traumatic brain injury?) Here are some possible UBTs and manipulations around “I can’t remember.” I can’t remember. I totally remember, but I’ll be goddamned […]
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