Dear Chump Lady, I can’t believe I am writing this but I really need some help. 5 weeks ago I discovered my husband was having an emotional affair with a colleague. No sex. But intimate kissing and real emotional connection. They have both said they love each other. She tried to break it off and […]
5 Things NOT to Do When You Discover Cheating
Very few people navigate chumpdom gracefully. Accept that you’re going to wobble and fail sometimes. It’s okay. The goal, upon finding out that you’ve been cheated on, is to take back your power, maintain your dignity, and not do anything homicidal. Some pointers on what NOT to do: 1. Do not confront your cheater until […]
How Come I’m Not Over It Yet?
Dear Chump Lady, I feel like I’ve been doing all the “right things” to move on and heal from my soon-to-be narcissistic cheating ex-husband. I’ve gone no contact, I moved out, I practice yoga, read self-help books, attend weekly therapy and surround myself with good friends. However, I don’t feel like I’m far enough along […]
Confrontation Flops?
On yesterday’s post, I advised “Jenn” to not, for the love of all that is holy, confront her husband about his Craigslist “adventures” ads. With chump hindsight (which is most of this site — regret served up as warning, with a side dollop of snark) you can see the utter futility of confrontation. May as […]
How Do You Leave a Cheater?
Dear Chump Lady, When you discover cheating, how do you break the news? I’m a strong person. I help domestic violence victims, I have an answer for everything. I don’t know left from right today. Today I’m rereading emails my other half sent to a woman he believed was a Craigslist honey wanting to get […]
Most Ridiculous Excuse After Being Busted?
Dear Chump Lady, I found several ads my husband posted on Craigslist, of all disgusting places, for group sex and friends with benefits. When I confronted him with evidence of his posts and others responses, he told me: “They weren’t real ads! I was doing a psychology research project to see what types of people […]
When Does the Pain Stop?
Dear Chump Lady, Tonight is a hard night for some reason. It has been 11 months since D-Day. And since then stories of other affairs and how long I have been a chump has been trickling in. I finally said I can’t take anymore information and stopped all the asking of how many and how […]
‘I Want to Blast Them on Facebook’
Dear Chump Lady, I just found out after 5 or 6 years of absolute insane digging (mental breakdowns, trips to rehabs, gaslighting to the extreme, abuse that would cause anyone to want to kill themselves) that my dear darling husband’s side piece is no other than my fucking NEIGHBOR!!!!! I was on here about a […]
What Kept You Stuck with a Cheater?
Very few people react to betrayal with calm and clarity. We’re broadsided. Flattened. Confused. Most of us ran with the unicorn herd for awhile and tried to reconcile. Some are still working it out, either hanging in there to see if the remorse is real, or lining up the ducks in case it isn’t. I’ve […]
Is This Intense Hate Normal?
Dear Chump Lady, Is it okay that I actually feel hate toward my cheater until I get to my Tuesday and meh? 20 years and a 15-year-old daughter; D-Day 1 in September 2019. I agreed to reconcile for our daughter’s sake. D-Day 2 this March 2020 as the world goes on lockdown, the cheater tells […]
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