Dear Chump Lady, I got divorced several years ago, then remarried this last summer. I’m meh. Everything’s been great. I’ve been no contact for 3+ years… but then the other day my ex started following my current wife on Instagram (which she uses for her business) and she promptly sent me a screenshot. I probably […]
‘I Lost My Meh’
Dear Chump Lady, I thought I was really close to meh, until I had a tough day with kids, and then ran into my XH and his howorker at a trailhead and ended up wishing my XH would “disappear or just go somewhere and never come back,” to his face. Worst part is that the […]
Coronavirus Hoovering?
Hi Chump Lady, Do you think that toxic relationships can be re-started — years later after both of you have had other partners and lived separate lives? So many of my exes are reaching out to me during this COVID time… I find it fascinating and traumatizing. What are your thoughts? Too Many Bad Options […]
Dear Chump Lady, He wants a character reference
Hi Chump Lady, I was married for 25+ years to a serial cheater, liar, sex addict, abuser, manipulator (yeah, he was all that and a bag of chips). I finally threw him out last summer and we were divorced last fall — best thing I ever did. We haven’t communicated much (a good thing), but […]
How Do You Divorce a Narcissist?
Dear Chump Lady, Although he fits the readings, although the therapists tell you he is a narcissist, you don’t quite believe it. It isn’t quite human. How can someone be this weird? I decided when I worked out that our “reconciliation” was actually emotional abuse, when I discovered I had descended into a bitter, hopeless, […]
The Plan B Offer
If things don’t work out with her, perhaps you and I could work things out. This was submitted to my “Universal Bullshit Translator” inbox. It’s so cake-y and so common. Yeah, right, I want to be Plan B! Thanks for being so bold and out there with it, Cheaterpants. How many in CN have gotten this […]
David Brooks Can Bite Me
I’m sure you’re all thrilled to crumbs to learn that New York Times columnist David Brooks — deli meat snob, scourge of single mothers, and misunderstood love moppet — has a new book out. “The Second Mountain: The Quest for a Moral Life.” From the guy who left his wife for his muse much younger research […]
Dear Chump Lady, Do I owe him an explanation?
Dear Chump Lady, I was married 6 years. No kids. Three years ago was D-Day. Got the usual “I love you but…” A month later he gets off our phone plan, gets an apartment, of course I think affair, but no, he says he’s just depressed. Needs weren’t met, etc. But he does want to […]
Respond to Mindfuckery with Ridicule
Ideally, no one sticks around for gaslighting. The best response is no response — because you’re not there. But if you’re still in the thick of this infidelity crap, and every day is a whizz in the mindfuck blender here’s a pro tip — disengage and stop trying to help the manipulator “understand.” They understand perfectly. […]
“Closure,” Don’t Do It.
“Closure” is just another word for hopium. Put down the crack pipe, chumps. Don’t confuse closure with acceptance. We’re all about the meh here. Acceptance — learning what you control and what you do not — is peaceful and hard won. I’m talking about that insane stage chumps go through where they try to speak […]
