I’m sure you’re all thrilled to crumbs to learn that New York Times columnist David Brooks — deli meat snob, scourge of single mothers, and misunderstood love moppet — has a new book out. “The Second Mountain: The Quest for a Moral Life.” From the guy who left his wife for his muse much younger research […]
Dear Chump Lady, Do I owe him an explanation?
Dear Chump Lady, I was married 6 years. No kids. Three years ago was D-Day. Got the usual “I love you but…” A month later he gets off our phone plan, gets an apartment, of course I think affair, but no, he says he’s just depressed. Needs weren’t met, etc. But he does want to […]
Respond to Mindfuckery with Ridicule
Ideally, no one sticks around for gaslighting. The best response is no response — because you’re not there. But if you’re still in the thick of this infidelity crap, and every day is a whizz in the mindfuck blender here’s a pro tip — disengage and stop trying to help the manipulator “understand.” They understand perfectly. […]
“Closure,” Don’t Do It.
“Closure” is just another word for hopium. Put down the crack pipe, chumps. Don’t confuse closure with acceptance. We’re all about the meh here. Acceptance — learning what you control and what you do not — is peaceful and hard won. I’m talking about that insane stage chumps go through where they try to speak […]
The Case of the Dangling Former Spouse
Dear Chump Lady, I am nearly at meh, three years from D-Day and two from my divorce from a world class Cluster B, alcoholic, successful asshole who shared “sex addiction camp” with the stars… I got some news today that rekindled a WOW moment provided by your amazing insights in my early days of chumpdom. […]
Dear Chump Lady, The OW must be really great for my wife to give up everything
Dear Chump Lady, You wrote on your post Ego Kibbles that: “Part of that problem is the cheater – they’ve got a hole in their soul where empathy and connection should be.” What puzzles me about my cheater’s situation is that she won’t stop her affair because she has found a “deep connection” with the […]
You Could Be Friends!
Among the more patently moronic submissions to Stupid Shit Cheaters Say is the assertion that if you knew the affair partner, you’d really like them. Gosh, you’re so much alike! You could be friends! Sometimes the cheater is lucid enough to add the caveat “under different circumstances…” But often not! Usually, it’s some “sister wives” […]
Dear Chump Lady, He butt-dialed me from the OW’s
Dear Chump Lady, I left my fiancee after finding out he had an affair with a subordinate of his at work. I still haven’t gotten the whole story out of him (to this day, he still sticks by his story that they only “made out a little bit” even though there were nights where he […]
Dear Chump Lady, What do I make of this “goodbye letter” from my ex?
Dear Chump Lady, What do I make of this goodbye letter from my cheater ex? It has been 7 months since since we said our goodbyes following D-Day #1. She left me to be with the affair partner. But she replied to my goodbye letter. I still cannot read it without crying. The letter starts with […]
Dear Chump Lady, Why does he want to remain friends?
Dear Chump Lady, My husband has said that he cannot bear the thought of never seeing me again after our divorce. He wants to remain friends and still visit me. I said his OW, who he admits he might marry one day, and who he is living with now, might not let him. His reply […]
