Hi Chump Lady, I was married for 25+ years to a serial cheater, liar, sex addict, abuser, manipulator (yeah, he was all that and a bag of chips). I finally threw him out last summer and we were divorced last fall — best thing I ever did. We haven’t communicated much (a good thing), but […]
How Do You Divorce a Narcissist?
Dear Chump Lady, Although he fits the readings, although the therapists tell you he is a narcissist, you don’t quite believe it. It isn’t quite human. How can someone be this weird? I decided when I worked out that our “reconciliation” was actually emotional abuse, when I discovered I had descended into a bitter, hopeless, […]
The Plan B Offer
If things don’t work out with her, perhaps you and I could work things out. This was submitted to my “Universal Bullshit Translator” inbox. It’s so cake-y and so common. Yeah, right, I want to be Plan B! Thanks for being so bold and out there with it, Cheaterpants. How many in CN have gotten this […]
David Brooks Can Bite Me
I’m sure you’re all thrilled to crumbs to learn that New York Times columnist David Brooks — deli meat snob, scourge of single mothers, and misunderstood love moppet — has a new book out. “The Second Mountain: The Quest for a Moral Life.” From the guy who left his wife for his muse much younger research […]
Dear Chump Lady, Do I owe him an explanation?
Dear Chump Lady, I was married 6 years. No kids. Three years ago was D-Day. Got the usual “I love you but…” A month later he gets off our phone plan, gets an apartment, of course I think affair, but no, he says he’s just depressed. Needs weren’t met, etc. But he does want to […]
Respond to Mindfuckery with Ridicule
Ideally, no one sticks around for gaslighting. The best response is no response — because you’re not there. But if you’re still in the thick of this infidelity crap, and every day is a whizz in the mindfuck blender here’s a pro tip — disengage and stop trying to help the manipulator “understand.” They understand perfectly. […]
“Closure,” Don’t Do It.
“Closure” is just another word for hopium. Put down the crack pipe, chumps. Don’t confuse closure with acceptance. We’re all about the meh here. Acceptance — learning what you control and what you do not — is peaceful and hard won. I’m talking about that insane stage chumps go through where they try to speak […]
The Case of the Dangling Former Spouse
Dear Chump Lady, I am nearly at meh, three years from D-Day and two from my divorce from a world class Cluster B, alcoholic, successful asshole who shared “sex addiction camp” with the stars… I got some news today that rekindled a WOW moment provided by your amazing insights in my early days of chumpdom. […]
Dear Chump Lady, The OW must be really great for my wife to give up everything
Dear Chump Lady, You wrote on your post Ego Kibbles that: “Part of that problem is the cheater – they’ve got a hole in their soul where empathy and connection should be.” What puzzles me about my cheater’s situation is that she won’t stop her affair because she has found a “deep connection” with the […]
You Could Be Friends!
Among the more patently moronic submissions to Stupid Shit Cheaters Say is the assertion that if you knew the affair partner, you’d really like them. Gosh, you’re so much alike! You could be friends! Sometimes the cheater is lucid enough to add the caveat “under different circumstances…” But often not! Usually, it’s some “sister wives” […]
