Dear Chump Lady, I am four years out from D-Day. I found out my husband was sleeping with a 25-year-old co-worker while we were trying to start a family. I’ll never forget having to explain to my doctor why I needed an STD test. Or how he blamed his cheating on all the attention I […]
UBT: “I Forgive You”
Dear Chump Lady, Thank you for your insightful and supportive blog. I am a chump. Married 6 years and separated for 7 months, I have already filed for divorce. Mr. Sparkles cheated repeatedly and blames me for the separation and divorce, but the biggest mindfuck is HE forgives me. I hope this one makes it […]
“I Need to Forgive the OW” WTF?
Dear Chump Lady, My divorce was final just 3 months ago. I went back to using my maiden name. I have been living with family and I expect to be living here awhile. Meanwhile, cheater ex and the OW live together. Life is going on. I am moving on as much as I can from […]
UBT: “We Are Teachers, Not Demigods”
Dear Chump Lady, I have a small but delicious morsel for the UBT to chew on. I also have a predicament, and I would greatly appreciate your and CN’s feedback. A few years ago my husband — we’re not divorced yet, but will be soon — had a very sexual affair with a coworker. Let’s […]
Dear Chump Lady, I don’t want to make nice with my OW SIL
Dear Chump Lady, I am 10 years out from leaving my cheating ex-husband. I found out about his affair on July 4, 2009, and have referred to that day as my “Independence Day.” I had dated him through high school and college and we were married for 16 years when he decided his sales representative […]
Dear Chump Lady, How do I forgive myself?
Dear Chump Lady, I stayed in a marriage with a serial cheater/sex addict. I know I should have been out of there thirty seconds after the first discovery but unfortunately I just emotionally shut down ten seconds after that first discovery. I stayed and ignored obvious incongruities and lies. I stayed and became immune (or […]
Forgiving the ‘Sex Addict’
Whenever I think I’ve overstated the pernicious ubiquity of The Reconciliation Industrial Complex (RIC), something pops up on my news feed and gobsmacks me all over again. No. I’m not imagining it. There really is this fucked up societal message — and literal industry — insisting that chumps not just forgive, but reconcile with their […]
Dear Chump Lady, I want him to stay with the OW
Dear Chump Lady, I’m new to reading your column (just found it). I’ve been divorced 10-years after 14 years of being married. I found out from my then 2-year-old that her daddy was “naughty” because he kissed “girl.” We also had a 10-month old baby at the time. I knew from the look on his […]
Dear Chump Lady, My ex has cancer
Hi Chump Lady, I’ve been a former Chump for 8 years; I’ve got the fair settlement, a great house I bought and restored pretty much myself, the better career than I’d ever thought possible, a closer relationship with my kids and No Contact unless ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY for our adult daughter. My other grown up sons […]
Pain Shopping, Anyone?
A chump wrote to ask me what I thought about “pain shopping.” I had no idea what it was. So I asked her, “What’s pain shopping?” She wrote back, “Like when I ask my husband about his affair.” Oh. So I googled. Apparently, in unicorn circles, “pain shopping” is that chump habit of hyper-vigilance, you […]
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