Dear Chump Lady, I have a small but delicious morsel for the UBT to chew on. I also have a predicament, and I would greatly appreciate your and CN’s feedback. A few years ago my husband — we’re not divorced yet, but will be soon — had a very sexual affair with a coworker. Let’s […]
Dear Chump Lady, I don’t want to make nice with my OW SIL
Dear Chump Lady, I am 10 years out from leaving my cheating ex-husband. I found out about his affair on July 4, 2009, and have referred to that day as my “Independence Day.” I had dated him through high school and college and we were married for 16 years when he decided his sales representative […]
Dear Chump Lady, How do I forgive myself?
Dear Chump Lady, I stayed in a marriage with a serial cheater/sex addict. I know I should have been out of there thirty seconds after the first discovery but unfortunately I just emotionally shut down ten seconds after that first discovery. I stayed and ignored obvious incongruities and lies. I stayed and became immune (or […]
Forgiving the ‘Sex Addict’
Whenever I think I’ve overstated the pernicious ubiquity of The Reconciliation Industrial Complex (RIC), something pops up on my news feed and gobsmacks me all over again. No. I’m not imagining it. There really is this fucked up societal message — and literal industry — insisting that chumps not just forgive, but reconcile with their […]
Dear Chump Lady, I want him to stay with the OW
Dear Chump Lady, I’m new to reading your column (just found it). I’ve been divorced 10-years after 14 years of being married. I found out from my then 2-year-old that her daddy was “naughty” because he kissed “girl.” We also had a 10-month old baby at the time. I knew from the look on his […]
Dear Chump Lady, My ex has cancer
Hi Chump Lady, I’ve been a former Chump for 8 years; I’ve got the fair settlement, a great house I bought and restored pretty much myself, the better career than I’d ever thought possible, a closer relationship with my kids and No Contact unless ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY for our adult daughter. My other grown up sons […]
Pain Shopping, Anyone?
A chump wrote to ask me what I thought about “pain shopping.” I had no idea what it was. So I asked her, “What’s pain shopping?” She wrote back, “Like when I ask my husband about his affair.” Oh. So I googled. Apparently, in unicorn circles, “pain shopping” is that chump habit of hyper-vigilance, you […]
Dear Chump Lady, Why does he want to stay ‘friends’?
This column goes out to JB from yesterday’s post. Who seemed to be suffering a bad case of Bargaining Stage of Let’s-Be-Friends grief. What’s in it for cheaters to remain friends? A lot. You? Not so much. *** Dear Chump Lady, My husband has said that he cannot bear the thought of never seeing me […]
Dear Chump Lady, Is this apology total baloney?
Dear Chump Lady, It’s hard to know where to start, but I divorced a serial cheater. Not only did he cheat with multiple women over the course of our 21-year marriage, he was mentally and physically abusive and he possessed this mind-boggling dodge and weave gift that he carries over from his political spin doctor […]
I Don’t Write for You
Dear Chump Lady, I love the UBT letters. But, what if a cheater realized their affair was the biggest mistake ever, and they were truly sorry, and that they wanted their spouse back? What would that look like, exactly? Words, actions, whatever. Use made up characters if you’d like. A physical affair, emotional, or in […]
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