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UBT: “I Forgive You”

November 9, 2020 by Chump Lady

Dear Chump Lady, Thank you for your insightful and supportive blog. I am a chump. Married 6 years and separated for 7 months, I have already filed for divorce. Mr. Sparkles cheated repeatedly and blames me for the separation and divorce, but the biggest mindfuck is HE forgives me. I hope this one makes it […]

Filed Under: Forgiveness, universal bullshit translator Tagged With: DARVO, Universal Bullshit Translator

“I Need to Forgive the OW” WTF?

May 5, 2020 by Chump Lady

Dear Chump Lady, My divorce was final just 3 months ago. I went back to using my maiden name. I have been living with family and I expect to be living here awhile. Meanwhile, cheater ex and the OW live together. Life is going on. I am moving on as much as I can from […]

Filed Under: Forgiveness, Other Women, Switzerland Friends Tagged With: Forgiveness, Other Woman

UBT: “We Are Teachers, Not Demigods”

August 13, 2019 by Chump Lady

Dear Chump Lady, I have a small but delicious morsel for the UBT to chew on. I also have a predicament, and I would greatly appreciate your and CN’s feedback. A few years ago my husband — we’re not divorced yet, but will be soon — had a very sexual affair with a coworker. Let’s […]

Filed Under: Forgiveness, universal bullshit translator Tagged With: Universal Bullshit Translator, workplace affair

Dear Chump Lady, I don’t want to make nice with my OW SIL

July 8, 2019 by Chump Lady

Dear Chump Lady, I am 10 years out from leaving my cheating ex-husband. I found out about his affair on July 4, 2009, and have referred to that day as my “Independence Day.” I had dated him through high school and college and we were married for 16 years when he decided his sales representative […]

Filed Under: Forgiveness, Other Women, Switzerland Friends, Trust that they suck Tagged With: Boundaries, Shit Sandwich

Dear Chump Lady, How do I forgive myself?

April 10, 2019 by Chump Lady

Dear Chump Lady, I stayed in a marriage with a serial cheater/sex addict. I know I should have been out of there thirty seconds after the first discovery but unfortunately I just emotionally shut down ten seconds after that first discovery. I stayed and ignored obvious incongruities and lies. I stayed and became immune (or […]

Filed Under: Chumps Decoded, Forgiveness, Meh, Spackle Tagged With: Forgiveness, Forgiving cheater

Forgiving the ‘Sex Addict’

March 12, 2019 by Chump Lady

Whenever I think I’ve overstated the pernicious ubiquity of The Reconciliation Industrial Complex (RIC), something pops up on my news feed and gobsmacks me all over again. No. I’m not imagining it. There really is this fucked up societal message — and literal industry — insisting that chumps not just forgive, but reconcile with their […]

Filed Under: Forgiveness, Reconciliation, Sex addiction Tagged With: Sex addiction

Dear Chump Lady, I want him to stay with the OW

March 6, 2019 by Chump Lady

bitter bunny

Dear Chump Lady, I’m new to reading your column (just found it).  I’ve been divorced 10-years after 14 years of being married. I found out from my then 2-year-old that her daddy was “naughty” because he kissed “girl.” We also had a 10-month old baby at the time.  I knew from the look on his […]

Filed Under: Ask Chump Lady, Cake Eating, Forgiveness, Other Women, Reconciliation Tagged With: co-parenting, divorce

Dear Chump Lady, My ex has cancer

February 4, 2019 by Chump Lady

Hi Chump Lady, I’ve been a former Chump for 8 years; I’ve got the fair settlement, a great house I bought and restored pretty much myself, the better career than I’d ever thought possible, a closer relationship with my kids and No Contact unless ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY for our adult daughter. My other grown up sons […]

Filed Under: Ask Chump Lady, Divorce, Forgiveness, Meh Tagged With: No Contact

Pain Shopping, Anyone?

January 17, 2019 by Chump Lady

A chump wrote to ask me what I thought about “pain shopping.” I had no idea what it was. So I asked her, “What’s pain shopping?” She wrote back, “Like when I ask my husband about his affair.” Oh. So I googled. Apparently, in unicorn circles, “pain shopping” is that chump habit of hyper-vigilance, you […]

Filed Under: Bad infidelity advice, Forgiveness, Reconciliation Tagged With: Pain shopping, reconciliation

Dear Chump Lady, Why does he want to stay ‘friends’?

November 20, 2018 by Chump Lady

This column goes out to JB from yesterday’s post. Who seemed to be suffering a bad case of Bargaining Stage of Let’s-Be-Friends grief. What’s in it for cheaters to remain friends? A lot. You? Not so much. *** Dear Chump Lady, My husband has said that he cannot bear the thought of never seeing me […]

Filed Under: Chumps Decoded, Forgiveness, Trust that they suck Tagged With: Trust That They Suck

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