Dear Chump Lady, Been married 15+ years, to the sweetest person ever. One reason I was attracted to her was because I knew there would never be a chance at infidelity. In 15 years nothing more than a few disagreements. I am rather passive and care free. In 2016 she changed jobs and over the […]
‘I Thought You Knew’
So this was submitted to Stupid Shit Cheaters Say this week: “I thought you knew about my romantic and sexual relationships all along and were okay with it!” Which is really a pernicious sort of mindfuckery. Not only are you cheated on, you’re apparently so dimwitted as to have forgotten you consented. Oh right, last […]
Jealousy and ‘Just Friends’
Dear Chump Lady, My wife and I were having issues. It got incredibly bad. I found evidence of something going on. I got suspicious when she suddenly was wearing kits of makeup and sexy underwear, I didn’t get to see. So I accused her of cheating when I saw a message. She admitted having feelings […]
UBT: This Isn’t the Real Me
Ben submitted this glorious bit of bullshit from his not-terribly-remorseful wife. She’d like to set the record straight that the woman who cheated on him was NOT her. Well, not the core her anyway. (And if it’s just your genitals cheating, and not your core, it doesn’t count, right?) You’ll all be relieved to know that however difficult, […]
Reconciliation with the Timid Forest Creature
After you’ve been cheated on, you’d think it’s a pretty simple decision tree — reconcile or divorce. Choose divorce, it doesn’t matter if your cheater is sorry or not sorry, the infidelity is a deal breaker. If you choose reconciliation, however, the matter of How Sorry Are They comes to the forefront of the decision. […]
UBT: I Can’t Remember
Probably no other statement gets sent to the Universal Bullshit Translator more than “I can’t remember.” What is it about cheating that fogs the mind? (Did all that boinking lead to traumatic brain injury?) Here are some possible UBTs and manipulations around “I can’t remember.” I can’t remember. I totally remember, but I’ll be goddamned […]
The Mindfuckery of Reverse Victim Offender
There must be a bazillion “How To Tell If He/She’s Cheating” articles on the interwebs. You know, the usual — new cologne, sudden penchant for 9-hour Pilates classes, weird showering habits, furtive texting, requires cavity search to reveal cell phone… But here’s the real clue you’re dealing with a cheater, and it’s not lipstick on […]
Does Mental Illness Make Him Less of a Cheater?
Hi Chump Lady, Your blog and book have sustained me since I learned last Monday (merry fucking Christmas) that my husband had an ‘emotional’ affair starting in 2014 and didn’t tell me until I finally made myself sick with paranoia and confronted him seven days ago. He has indicated that he’s not sure if he […]
The Apology That Wasn’t
The UBT lives on a steady diet of cookies and non-apology apologies. Why just this week it regurgitated “I feel pain” and “I have grown a lot” — self-pity and self-congratulation passed off as remorse. There’s a lot of lame-ass sorry going around. Anyone following the lurid story of NXIVM? Head creep and sex cult freak […]
‘I Fail to Understand Your Hostility’
There is no mindfuck like the I Fail to Understand Your Hostility mindfuck. As mindfucks go, it’s Jedi-level mindfuckery. Oh sure your lesser manipulator can sputter some pathetic lies, or shrug and play dumb. The IFTUYH mindfucker, however, is one cool customer. Zero adaptive anxiety. Your inchoate rage just bounces off their wall of smug. This crazy […]
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