Dear Chump Lady, My husband of 20 years has been replaced by a terrible person. He has gaslighted me in the strictest sense — insisting in marriage therapy that I am bipolar (no shame, but inaccurate), and in general just been very mean and nasty to me when he’s upset. EVERYONE, including my individual therapist, […]
He Says ‘It’s Not What It Looks Like’
Dear Chump Lady, I feel crazy, that my mind can even be wavered, or try so hard to not believe what my eyes saw!! I just don’t understand how someone could be so cruel, how someone could treat another person like this? I have been dating this man for 14 months, from day one, he […]
The Crying of Gabby Petito
Hi Chump Lady, I don’t have a specific question and the Gabby Petito murder may or may not have anything to do with infidelity but…… Have you seen the video of the police interview of her and her fiancé? The one where several white male police officers determined she was having a “mental health crisis” […]
I Keep Getting Messages He’s Having an Affair
Dear Chump Lady, About 2 months ago I got an message on Facebook stating my husband of 28 years was cheating on me and to look at his messenger for proof. So I did and found messages between him and a female coworker. And I got livid. Instead of sending the messages to myself for proof, I […]
It Took Balls to Cheat on Him?
Dear Chump Lady, Been married 15+ years, to the sweetest person ever. One reason I was attracted to her was because I knew there would never be a chance at infidelity. In 15 years nothing more than a few disagreements. I am rather passive and care free. In 2016 she changed jobs and over the […]
‘I Thought You Knew’
So this was submitted to Stupid Shit Cheaters Say this week: “I thought you knew about my romantic and sexual relationships all along and were okay with it!” Which is really a pernicious sort of mindfuckery. Not only are you cheated on, you’re apparently so dimwitted as to have forgotten you consented. Oh right, last […]
Jealousy and ‘Just Friends’
Dear Chump Lady, My wife and I were having issues. It got incredibly bad. I found evidence of something going on. I got suspicious when she suddenly was wearing kits of makeup and sexy underwear, I didn’t get to see. So I accused her of cheating when I saw a message. She admitted having feelings […]
UBT: This Isn’t the Real Me
Ben submitted this glorious bit of bullshit from his not-terribly-remorseful wife. She’d like to set the record straight that the woman who cheated on him was NOT her. Well, not the core her anyway. (And if it’s just your genitals cheating, and not your core, it doesn’t count, right?) You’ll all be relieved to know that however difficult, […]
Reconciliation with the Timid Forest Creature
After you’ve been cheated on, you’d think it’s a pretty simple decision tree — reconcile or divorce. Choose divorce, it doesn’t matter if your cheater is sorry or not sorry, the infidelity is a deal breaker. If you choose reconciliation, however, the matter of How Sorry Are They comes to the forefront of the decision. […]
UBT: I Can’t Remember
Probably no other statement gets sent to the Universal Bullshit Translator more than “I can’t remember.” What is it about cheating that fogs the mind? (Did all that boinking lead to traumatic brain injury?) Here are some possible UBTs and manipulations around “I can’t remember.” I can’t remember. I totally remember, but I’ll be goddamned […]
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