Dear Chump Lady, Been married 21 years, and late last year my wife was on a vacation with my adult daughter, where she had a fling with a guy which included a sexual betrayal. Flirting by the pool, exchanging texts, eventually getting together for drinks, back to his room, and it turned sexual. My daughter […]
Getting a Friendly ‘Weird Vibe’ from Ex-Wife
Hello Chump Lady, My ex wife and I divorced in July and since then, I’ve gotten very strange vibes from her. I discovered she was cheating on me with multiple men and that she had a plan to ask me for divorce only after our kids had finished with the school year in the springtime. […]
UBT: This Isn’t the Real Me
Ben submitted this glorious bit of bullshit from his not-terribly-remorseful wife. She’d like to set the record straight that the woman who cheated on him was NOT her. Well, not the core her anyway. (And if it’s just your genitals cheating, and not your core, it doesn’t count, right?) You’ll all be relieved to know that however difficult, […]
What Advice Would You Give a Serial Cheater?
Dear Chump Lady, What advice would you give a serial cheater? I broke my family, lied to those closest to me, and mentally and emotionally abused the man that I had pledged my life to. Veronica Dear Veronica, Accept the consequences of your behavior. Before we get into the particulars though, ask yourself — as […]
The Apology That Wasn’t
The UBT lives on a steady diet of cookies and non-apology apologies. Why just this week it regurgitated “I feel pain” and “I have grown a lot” — self-pity and self-congratulation passed off as remorse. There’s a lot of lame-ass sorry going around. Anyone following the lurid story of NXIVM? Head creep and sex cult freak […]
‘He Had a Complete Change of Heart’
Hi Chump Lady, My favorite thing about your writing about cheating is how swiftly and ruthlessly you cut through the waffling to reach the unpretty but true things, and I need that right now. In January, my husband and I were talking seriously about splitting up so that he could join a religious community. We’d […]
No One Is Entitled to Reconciliation
I know my message — “leave a cheater, gain a life” is not popular with cheaters and the Reconciliation Industrial Complex. I mean, duh. At times, I’m asked do I mean all cheaters? Shouldn’t I distinguish between the remorseful and the remorseless cheaters? Remorseless? My answer is leave. Get the hell out. Remorseful? Your odds are long, […]
Yeah, That’s Not an Apology
Today’s column is on Genuine Imitation Naugahyde Remorse. You know, those weak-ass apologies that upon closer inspection don’t really convey “sorry” at all. If you’re a chump, you’ve probably put a lot of stock in weak-ass apologies. Maybe you even begged for a weak-ass apology, got one, and inferred great depths of humanity from it. Today I’m […]
Cheater Doesn’t Understand Why Partner Is Reconciling with Him
Dear Chump Lady, I’ve cheated on almost every partner. My brain doesn register it properly and I usually just shutdown after and pull away. I cheated on my partner. I was a piece of shit going into the relationship and never took it seriously. Until one day the guilt consumed me. I entered therapy and […]
He Thinks He’s Done ‘Nothing Wrong’
Dear Chump Lady, I am a month out from D-Day. After noticing a bunch of suspicious late night phone calls, I “accidentally” saw some Instagram DMs from my husband to a co-worker (in which he referred to himself as “self-partnered” and sent a bunch of “miss you” messages with kissy-face emojis.) When I confronted him […]
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