Dear Chump Lady, I’ve cheated on almost every partner. My brain doesn register it properly and I usually just shutdown after and pull away. I cheated on my partner. I was a piece of shit going into the relationship and never took it seriously. Until one day the guilt consumed me. I entered therapy and […]
He Thinks He’s Done ‘Nothing Wrong’
Dear Chump Lady, I am a month out from D-Day. After noticing a bunch of suspicious late night phone calls, I “accidentally” saw some Instagram DMs from my husband to a co-worker (in which he referred to himself as “self-partnered” and sent a bunch of “miss you” messages with kissy-face emojis.) When I confronted him […]
Bad Apologies
If you’ve been through the meat grinder of betrayal, you’ve probably gotten some really lousy apologies. “I’m sorry your errant chin hair has compelled me to cheat. Belinda is always perfectly groomed. My deepest regrets on not being Belinda.” or “Apologies for me not following my true happiness. I know you only want the best […]
The Unlikelihood of Immediate Remorse
There was an article over at HuffPo once on how a cheater should tell their spouse they’ve been having an affair. A discussion on tell versus don’t tell. (I’m not going there — duh, TELL. Yes. Of course.) But what interested me about the interview with Dr. Scott Haltzmann is his peculiar warning that cheaters might […]
When You Piss Off the Unicorns
I’m sure it will come as a surprise to no one to discover that I am not exactly revered in RIC circles. You’d think given the entire internet to preach the good news that Affairs Make Your Marriage Stronger (Send Me $400 and I’ll Show You How), they’d leave me out of it. But occasionally […]
Dear Chump Lady, The OW gave me a brownie plate
Dear Chump Lady, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you cover this topic, and my fellow chumpy friends and I are mystified by this behavior… Schmoopie (the one that my husband/partner of 23 years left me for last year) gives ME (the chumpy ex-wife) gifts! What the…..? I have never met Schmoopie in person. She […]
Dear Chump Lady, Please kill my hope
Dear Chump Lady, Three years ago, I found out that my husband had had a three-year affair. When I found out, he told me I was the “love of his life” and he’d made “the worst mistake of his life” and he wanted to stay married. At that time, we’d been married 15 years and […]
Dear Chump Lady, Is this apology total baloney?
Dear Chump Lady, It’s hard to know where to start, but I divorced a serial cheater. Not only did he cheat with multiple women over the course of our 21-year marriage, he was mentally and physically abusive and he possessed this mind-boggling dodge and weave gift that he carries over from his political spin doctor […]
I Don’t Write for You
Dear Chump Lady, I love the UBT letters. But, what if a cheater realized their affair was the biggest mistake ever, and they were truly sorry, and that they wanted their spouse back? What would that look like, exactly? Words, actions, whatever. Use made up characters if you’d like. A physical affair, emotional, or in […]
Dear Chump Lady, He’s stuck on his ‘intentions’
Dear Chump Lady, I caught an incoming text on my husband’s phone from a coworker. Of course, he lied and said it was nothing and that it was the only text she had ever sent. In reality, they had been texting back and forth for a month. I was able to download the messages through […]
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