Dear Chump Lady, What advice would you give a serial cheater? I broke my family, lied to those closest to me, and mentally and emotionally abused the man that I had pledged my life to. Veronica Dear Veronica, Accept the consequences of your behavior. Before we get into the particulars though, ask yourself — as […]
The Apology That Wasn’t
The UBT lives on a steady diet of cookies and non-apology apologies. Why just this week it regurgitated “I feel pain” and “I have grown a lot” — self-pity and self-congratulation passed off as remorse. There’s a lot of lame-ass sorry going around. Anyone following the lurid story of NXIVM? Head creep and sex cult freak […]
‘He Had a Complete Change of Heart’
Hi Chump Lady, My favorite thing about your writing about cheating is how swiftly and ruthlessly you cut through the waffling to reach the unpretty but true things, and I need that right now. In January, my husband and I were talking seriously about splitting up so that he could join a religious community. We’d […]
No One Is Entitled to Reconciliation
I know my message — “leave a cheater, gain a life” is not popular with cheaters and the Reconciliation Industrial Complex. I mean, duh. At times, I’m asked do I mean all cheaters? Shouldn’t I distinguish between the remorseful and the remorseless cheaters? Remorseless? My answer is leave. Get the hell out. Remorseful? Your odds are long, […]
Yeah, That’s Not an Apology
Today’s column is on Genuine Imitation Naugahyde Remorse. You know, those weak-ass apologies that upon closer inspection don’t really convey “sorry” at all. If you’re a chump, you’ve probably put a lot of stock in weak-ass apologies. Maybe you even begged for a weak-ass apology, got one, and inferred great depths of humanity from it. Today I’m […]
Cheater Doesn’t Understand Why Partner Is Reconciling with Him
Dear Chump Lady, I’ve cheated on almost every partner. My brain doesn register it properly and I usually just shutdown after and pull away. I cheated on my partner. I was a piece of shit going into the relationship and never took it seriously. Until one day the guilt consumed me. I entered therapy and […]
He Thinks He’s Done ‘Nothing Wrong’
Dear Chump Lady, I am a month out from D-Day. After noticing a bunch of suspicious late night phone calls, I “accidentally” saw some Instagram DMs from my husband to a co-worker (in which he referred to himself as “self-partnered” and sent a bunch of “miss you” messages with kissy-face emojis.) When I confronted him […]
Bad Apologies
If you’ve been through the meat grinder of betrayal, you’ve probably gotten some really lousy apologies. “I’m sorry your errant chin hair has compelled me to cheat. Belinda is always perfectly groomed. My deepest regrets on not being Belinda.” or “Apologies for me not following my true happiness. I know you only want the best […]
The Unlikelihood of Immediate Remorse
There was an article over at HuffPo once on how a cheater should tell their spouse they’ve been having an affair. A discussion on tell versus don’t tell. (I’m not going there — duh, TELL. Yes. Of course.) But what interested me about the interview with Dr. Scott Haltzmann is his peculiar warning that cheaters might […]
When You Piss Off the Unicorns
I’m sure it will come as a surprise to no one to discover that I am not exactly revered in RIC circles. You’d think given the entire internet to preach the good news that Affairs Make Your Marriage Stronger (Send Me $400 and I’ll Show You How), they’d leave me out of it. But occasionally […]
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