ChumpLady.com

Leave a cheater, gain a life!

Dear Chump Lady, Please kill my hope

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Dear Chump Lady, Three years ago, I found out that my husband had had a three-year affair. When I found out, he told me I was the “love of his life” and he’d made “the worst mistake of his life” and he wanted to stay married. At that time, we’d been married 15 years and […]

How Did You Get Rid of Their Crap?

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Leaving a cheater is a massive clean-up effort. (Like Superfund clean up sites, only without the federal financing.) There is the crap the cheater gave you. And then there is the other detritus of cheaters — the crap they leave behind. Their high school year books… their pilled sweaters… their children. Somehow cheaters seem to think […]

Dear Chump Lady, I want out, but I can’t afford it

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Dear Chump Lady, I have been working at this marriage for 34 years to someone with a supposed sexual addiction. This included exhibitionism, one-night stands, hookers, phone sex, and that’s only what I know. What I know trickled out over the years and he had great, believable explanations. And great skill to minimize and to […]

Dear Chump Lady, Ethical non-monogamy was a bust

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Dear Chump Lady, I was in a relationship for 15 years, married for the last five. I’m not wired to be jealous over sex — I like it when pretty people do things to each other. Sensing he wanted to wander, though, I’d negotiated three rules: he could do whatever as long as it was […]

How to Confront a Cheater

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Dear Chump Lady, When you discover cheating, how do you break the news? I’m a strong person. I help domestic violence victims, I have an answer for everything. I don’t know left from right today. Today I’m rereading emails my other half sent to a woman he believed was a Craigslist honey wanting to get […]

But He’s a Really Nice Guy

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I’d probably make a terrible lawyer. It’s not that I don’t like to argue (clearly, I do… at least on the page.) It’s that I tend to bludgeon in cases where subtle diplomacy might be a more effective tactic. Contrast me with my husband, an awesome lawyer and a consummate persuader. (I’m exhibit A. He […]

Snooping in the Modern Age

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I recently had to research a story on the modern phenomena of losing your job because of something you posted on social media. Back in the pre-Internet era, when newspapers roamed the earth, and privacy was more or less a thing, you could be as offensive and shady as you wanted to be, and your […]

Dear Chump Lady, Can I leave if he has cancer?

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Dear Chump Lady, I have been reading your blog for the past year and, while it has helped me tremendously, I have a nagging sense of uncertainty and a feeling of “stuckness.” I desperately need guidance as I decide how to proceed. A year-and-a-half ago, My husband of 16 years was diagnosed with a rare […]