The new Jim Gaffigan comedy Being Frank is a chump Springtime for Hitler — a terrible idea that someone inexplicably green-lighted. Of course The Producer’s “Springtime for Hitler” is fiction (and the joke is it’s a hit); Being Frank is an actual movie that’s a flop. The premise: Teenage son, Phillip, discovers his hard-ass father, Frank, […]
UBT: ProJared’s Divorce Statement
The Universal Bullshit Translator was awakened from its slumber to several insistent tweets that it tackle some sort of ProJared bullshit. The UBT had no idea what a ProJared was, as the “Pimp my dragon mount!” segment of the economy is unfamiliar to a simple analog machine. Apparently, among the savvy sorts who fancy themselves goblins, ProJared […]
Shocker. Rudy Giuliani Still a Cheater.
Well, he may look like Nosferatu, but his dick still wanders. Yes, ladies, former New York City mayor Rudy Giuliani is back on the market (if he was ever off it). Wifetress #3 is divorcing his ass for cheating on her. Now some of you may say, “Once a cheater, always a cheater.” But that would […]
Monica Lewinsky Isn’t Going to the Ball
I interrupt this Fun Friday challenge to report the very distressing news that former White House intern Monica Lewinsky was uninvited to a vapid celebrity event because… Bill Clinton. USA Today reports: Monica Lewinsky said Wednesday that her invitation to an event about “social change” was rescinded when former president Bill Clinton decided to attend the […]
When the Pick Me Dance Turns Deadly
I read the news of a murder/suicide in Philly this week with a sad horror. Jennair Gerardot, 47, confronted the woman who was having an affair with her husband, Meredith Chapman, 33, and shot her. Then she turned the gun on herself. Two women dead and the cake-eating bastard who enjoyed the competition of two […]
UBT: What Sleeping with Married Men Taught Me About Infidelity
Oh Modern Love, what-the-everliving-fuck? A bazillion of you sent me Sunday’s New York Time’s ML column — a look at relationships from the point of view of a 49-year-old woman who screws married men. Because… well, you know how it goes after divorce, when you create Tinder profiles for no-strings-attached sex, and lonely, tragically misunderstood, sexless men reply […]
Australia, You Need to Up Your Scandal Game
Maybe I’m jaded by reading millions of batshit crazy infidelity stories over six years, or feeding Jesus cheaters through the Universal Bullshit Translator, or living in Washington, D.C. under the Reign of the Pussy-Grabber-in-Chief…. but Australia, really? Is this the best you’ve got on douchebags? Barnaby Joyce? A two-bit “family values” hypocrite who left his […]
Mayor of Nashville Feels Really Sad About Her Taxpayer-Funded Affair
Nashville Mayor Megan Barry has a bad case of the sadz. She’s broken up with her hunky police bodyguard Robert Forrest, Jr. and would like you all to know that her chump husband Bruce is standing by her… and Jesus too. They’ve both forgiven her, and if they can forgive her, I’m sure you all […]
New Script for Betrayed Political Wives?
Chumped wives in the media. It’s never pretty, is it? If they’re even in focus, that is. Bit players to their husband’s malfeasance. Hanging in there, standing by their man, issuing media “we” statements… (How did you get ownership of this, chump? Dude can’t even use a singular possessive pronoun?) I don’t envy anyone suffering […]
Esther Perel in the #MeToo Era
I really find it bizarre that cheater apologist Esther Perel is having a moment at exactly the same time as #MeToo. When the zeitgeist on workplace sexual hijinks is “Touch my ass and you’ll pull away with a bloody stump,” we’ve got this barmy Belgian defending sexual entitlement. (Perel, you’ll recall was the deep thinker […]
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