ChumpLady.com

Leave a cheater, gain a life

Dear Chump Lady, He wants a character reference

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Hi CL, I was married for 25+ years to a serial cheater, liar, sex addict, abuser, manipulator (yeah, he was all that and a bag of chips). I finally threw him out last summer and we were divorced last fall — best thing I ever did. We haven’t communicated much (a good thing), but we […]

Dear Chump Lady, Please kick my ass

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Dear Chump Lady, I’ve been doing good at no contact / grey rock for awhile now (8 months) and was getting to be a regular visitor to Meh. But the cheaterpants was-band has a new Schmoopie and I got weak. I looked at his online profile and apparently he dropped the last one because — […]

Out of Sight, Out of Mind

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A common point of chump bafflement is why we attach so hard when cheaters detach so easily. I get some very, very long letters trying to untangle this particular skein. She told me she loved me, and texted the OM hearts and smileys 30 seconds later. He walked out on four children. I had cancer […]

UBT: “I Don’t Mean to Worry You, But…”

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Dear Chump Lady, My (now ex-) husband of 23 years (together since we were both 16 at school, so 31 years in total) began behaving strangely. One night while he was sleeping, I crept around his side of the bed to check out his phone and found, to my horror, that he was engaging in […]

Holiday Hoovering

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🎵 It’s the most vulnerable time of the year! 🎵 Time for a public service announcement about holiday hoovering. Has your ex gone all misty? Does she need a Plan B/plus-one/last-minute babysitter? Did Schmoopie stand him up for the office party and you’ll do? Does someone need a payday loan? Won’t you have him over to open […]

Dear Chump Lady, “I still wish I could call him”

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Hey CN, I’m up super early to VOTE today. I hope you are too! (You better be, or I’m going to come throttle you. VOTE!!!!!) I don’t know if we share political views — and let’s keep it that way, shall we? — but I do know that democracies don’t work unless we USE them. […]

Respond to Mindfuckery with Ridicule

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Ideally, no one sticks around for gaslighting. The best response is no response — because you’re not there. But if you’re still in the thick of this infidelity crap, and every day is a whizz in the mindfuck blender here’s a pro tip — disengage and stop trying to help the manipulator “understand.” They understand perfectly. […]

Who’s Hoovering Who?

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Dear Chump Lady I am no contact with my ex-boyfriend, and have been since August. He “wanted a break” in January, but I didn’t know that he already had his vastly inferior-to-me girlfriend already waiting in the wings. At this time, he would hoover me in once a month using some pretense (documents he could […]

UBT: ‘I hold no animosity for you’

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Dear Chump Lady, I am a chump. I was married for two and a half years before I grew strong enough to leave. After multiple DDays and therapy, I finally got out. Last November, my then-husband became very sick while we were on vacation and I took him to the ER. He was in ICU […]