ChumpLady.com

Leave a cheater, gain a life

How Do You Divorce a Narcissist?

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Dear Chump Lady, Although he fits the readings, although the therapists tell you he is a narcissist, you don’t quite believe it. It isn’t quite human. How can someone be this weird? I decided when I worked out that our “reconciliation” was actually emotional abuse, when I discovered I had descended into a bitter, hopeless, […]

You Don’t Need Closure

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Once upon a time, a fellow “Chump Chap” wrote to me after he realized that he’d gotten a non-apology apology from his cheating ex. He’d committed a common but grievous rookie mistake — he asked his cheater why. For “closure.” Chump Chap didn’t realize it was a fake apology until later. After he wrote me. […]

Meh Sightings?

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Have you had a glimpse of the Promised Land? Are you Meh? “Meh” — that liberating place of acceptance — is where you no longer are consumed with cheater drama. You don’t love them. You don’t hate them. You sort of pity anyone within a five-mile radius of them, but their existence doesn’t rock yours anymore. You’re […]

Facebook Is NOT Helping You Move on

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Previous generations got to break up with people and never had to see the jerks again. A hundred years ago, if you were lucky your cheater rode the rails out of town to Butte, Montana and fell down a mining shaft. Unfortunately, you’d never get to enjoy that particular bit of schadenfreude. However, you wouldn’t […]

Why No Contact Works

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What’s the secret sauce to getting a fuckwit out your life? No Contact. I thought today I’d do a refresher course on why no contact is so effective. First a caveat about what no contact is NOT. It’s not the 180. It’s not some passive-aggressive silent treatment to get your wingnut to behave. Fine! Harrumph! […]

Dear Chump Lady, Am I the toxic one?

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Dear Chump Lady: I’m not sure it’s possible to get through this nightmare of truth-trickling and gaslighting without picking up a maladaptive strategy or two. But I am really really ready to put them down now. From raking him about his movements to stalking his social media, I am starting to resemble the Eight Signs […]

Dear Chump Lady, Do I owe him an explanation?

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Dear Chump Lady, I was married 6 years. No kids. Three years ago was D-Day. Got the usual “I love you but…” A month later he gets off our phone plan, gets an apartment, of course I think affair, but no, he says he’s just depressed. Needs weren’t met, etc. But he does want to […]

Dear Chump Lady, He moved down the street

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Dear Chump Lady, I divorced my (abusive) ex-husband a year ago after 17 years of marriage and 4 children. That wasn’t fun for him, so he decided to choose bars, cocaine parties and hookers over the whole marriage/family gig. He is now allowed 4 hours a month with the kids, which he rarely blesses us […]

Playing the Victim?

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Dear Chump Lady, During my shock of learning and trying to understand why he cheated on me, when I thought we had a great relationship (he was full of remorse after girlfriend #1 and begged for forgiveness..) — he is now leaving me for girlfriend #2. I have stated the obvious to him that what […]