Yesterday, when we discussed Gottman’s The Four Horseman as an instrument of cheater mindfuckery, an alert chump sent me further reading on the Gottman’s. Apparently they were gods of relationship research and then seem to have veered off the rails into full blown Reconciliation Industrial Complex madness. I give you this sales and marketing pamphlet, “Reviving […]
UBT: “Your Cheating Spouse Is the Victim, NOT You!”
Oh hey, were we talking about DARVO this week? (Deny, attack, reverse victim offender.) Do I ever have a heaping pile o’ mindfuckery for you today. Introducing Reconciliation Industrial Complex therapist quack, Dr. Robert Huizenga. A chump on his mailing list sent me his super special offer to Save My Marriage from my imaginary trauma. […]
Why Blame the Chump?
Dear Chump Lady, Why are these so called experts so rabid about blaming chumps for their part in creating a situation where they got betrayed? Can’t they just admit that cheaters are sick fucks? Ugh. I loved my ex-husband and he knew it. I did the whole forgiveness thing and he acted remorseful and ultra […]
UBT: He Blew Up the Marriage to Improve It
A submission here from “Deaun” to the Universal Bullshit Translator that was too fucked up to pass over. According to my counselor [the affair] was a subconscious way of blowing up our marriage to improve it. It was physiological, my brain enjoyed the dopamine. I’m assuming from the “my brain enjoyed the dopamine” Deaun is the […]
Grieving the Affair Partner and Other BS
Here’s a Reconciliation Industrial Complex trope that can die in ignominy — chumps being patient as their cheater “grieves” the affair partner. Ain’t that special? What sort of quack gives license to the mope-fest that is the tragic loss of cake? “Oh, if you reconcile, you must show love and understanding to your partner right […]
Apologize to Your Cheater, Says RIC Quack
In my inbox this morning was a note from the publicist of Andrew G. Marshall, British “therapist”. Hello Tracy, I saw your article about infidelity “7 Idiotic Things Cheaters Say, and How to Respond” and wanted to share with you the exclusive interview with the UK’s most famous relationships therapist Andrew G. Marshall who reveals […]
The OW Recommends a Self-Help Book
Hi Chump Lady! I wrote to you over the holiday’s, detailing how my cheating EX got cheated on by his mistress and how karma, completely un-looked for at this stage, caught up with him. WELL….Today I received a package (at my office!) from the EX mistress with an “inspirational book” and a letter from the […]
UBT: “Blowing up the Marriage to Improve the Marriage”
A submission here from “Deaun” to the Universal Bullshit Translator that was too fucked up to pass over. According to my counselor [the affair] was a subconscious way of blowing up our marriage to improve it. It was physiological, my brain enjoyed the dopamine. I’m assuming from the “my brain enjoyed the dopamine” Deaun is the […]
‘My therapist wants to know how I caused my husband to cheat’
Dear Chump Lady, I just finished reading your book. Your words about using caution when finding the right therapist were life changing for me. I found out after 24 years of marriage that my husband had been having an affair for over a year. In the many counseling sessions I have attended since D-Day, I […]
Where’s the Data on Reconciliation?
Dear Chump Lady, Here is what would have helped move me forward, something that seems more rare than unicorns themselves: unicorn research. I’d expected that relationship experts would have gobs of years-long, scientifically blessed research on topics that really matter when you’re struggling to figure out what to do, right? Because when you go unicorn […]
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