Oh hey, were we talking about DARVO this week? (Deny, attack, reverse victim offender.) Do I ever have a heaping pile o’ mindfuckery for you today. Introducing Reconciliation Industrial Complex therapist quack, Dr. Robert Huizenga. A chump on his mailing list sent me his super special offer to Save My Marriage from my imaginary trauma. […]
‘I Have a Hate in My Heart Where Love Used to Be’
Dear Chump Lady, My husband had an affair during our 19th year of marriage with a person in his graduate class. She sent me a text message that she was in love with him and he with her. Of course he lied lied lied, but I wore him down until he told the horrid details. […]
Why Blame the Chump?
Dear Chump Lady, Why are these so called experts so rabid about blaming chumps for their part in creating a situation where they got betrayed? Can’t they just admit that cheaters are sick fucks? Ugh. I loved my ex-husband and he knew it. I did the whole forgiveness thing and he acted remorseful and ultra […]
UBT: He Blew Up the Marriage to Improve It
A submission here from “Deaun” to the Universal Bullshit Translator that was too fucked up to pass over. According to my counselor [the affair] was a subconscious way of blowing up our marriage to improve it. It was physiological, my brain enjoyed the dopamine. I’m assuming from the “my brain enjoyed the dopamine” Deaun is the […]
Is It Okay to Give a Cheater a Second Chance?
Dear Chump Lady, I find your advice spot-on, and I share you skepticism of the Reconciliation Industrial Complex. I’m wondering if you ever could be convinced in any case of reconciliation? The cheater in my life’s affair wasn’t nearly as egregious as the people who write in — I get that isn’t saying much since […]
What Kept You Stuck with a Cheater?
Very few people react to betrayal with calm and clarity. We’re broadsided. Flattened. Confused. Most of us ran with the unicorn herd for awhile and tried to reconcile. Some are still working it out, either hanging in there to see if the remorse is real, or lining up the ducks in case it isn’t. I’ve […]
My Sister Is the Marriage Police
Dear Chump Lady, My sister is a chump, she actually sent me to your site years ago when she still seemed to have some sense. I still read your articles (as I love your humour and spot-on advice) — but she doesn’t read this blog anymore as she is a firm unicorn believer. So, it’s […]
Is This Meh or Did I Just Give Up?
Dear Chump Lady, Here’s my problem (and I’m sure this is due to hopium): Three years ago I caught my cheating husband in an emotional affair with a friend of mine. Went to counseling. He used it as a shield to continue and escalate the affair to a 2.5 year physical affair. All the time, I feel […]
Grieving the Affair Partner and Other BS
Here’s a Reconciliation Industrial Complex trope that can die in ignominy — chumps being patient as their cheater “grieves” the affair partner. Ain’t that special? What sort of quack gives license to the mope-fest that is the tragic loss of cake? “Oh, if you reconcile, you must show love and understanding to your partner right […]
How Do I Support My Friend’s Reconciliation?
Dear Chump Lady How do I support my friend through “reconciliation” with her abusive cheating husband? Last year one of my best friends, “Dianne” found out her husband, A-hole, had been having an affair for six months, he told her they only slept together once, yeah right. When she confronted him he walked out on […]
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