People send a lot of dumb articles to the Universal Bullshit Translator, so it takes a whole lot of stupid for the UBT to be agog — but this one takes the biscuit. “Here’s how to get definitive proof your partner is cheating” by HuffPo. You’ll never guess what the secret is — YOU ASK […]
Maybe He’ll See What He’s Missing
Dear Chump Lady, I am a little over three months out from D-Day now and I feel I have given myself a major setback. I came across another website that in some ways should probably be called “The Chump Maker.” They do have some good advice and articles, but you really have to be on […]
The ‘Dual Accountability’ Therapy Fallacy
Hi Chump Lady, I thought you would line to see the “official point of view” of the majority of therapists that treat infidelity: “Infidelity occurs in a dyadic system, and any approaches that place all blame, responsibility and accountability on a single member seems contraindicated.” I replied to this: Yes, Fred,that’s that problem, the dyadic […]
UBT: The Mayo Clinic
The un-chumped people of the world sometimes think I exaggerate The Reconciliation Industrial Complex. When my book was first being pitched to publishers, this came up. Leave a cheater? Well, DUH. No, you see all the infidelity resources are predicated on reconciling with cheaters. There isn’t a single “leave the jerk, you’ll feel a lot […]
Am I the Jerk for Wanting to Leave?
Dear Chump Lady, My husband cheated almost three years ago. Since that time he has been remorseful and been the husband that he was before cheating and more. Three years in… I’m at a loss. I feel like I have wasted his time because I’m seriously thinking of leaving. Last time I had a bad […]
Debunking “Affairs Are About Opportunity”
One tenet of the Reconciliation Industrial Complex is that “Affairs are about opportunity.” (Also known as the Chris Rock line, “You’re only as faithful as your options.”) Why on earth is this the accepted “wisdom”? Yeah, affairs are about opportunity, the way bank robberies are about Thursdays. If affairs are about opportunity, (and not lousy […]
I Want My Cheating Wife to Read Your Book
Dear Chump Lady, I have been cheated on by my wife a few times. She has also committed financial infidelity a few times. I have stayed and tried to work things out in fairness to our kids. Our youngest turned 18 and is off to college. That was my finish line. After reading your book, […]
It Was a ‘One-Off’ — Let It Go?
Dear Chump Lady, Been married 21 years, and late last year my wife was on a vacation with my adult daughter, where she had a fling with a guy which included a sexual betrayal. Flirting by the pool, exchanging texts, eventually getting together for drinks, back to his room, and it turned sexual. My daughter […]
Debunking Marriage Builders, Inc.
One piece of advice the Reconciliation Industrial Complex likes to give after D-Day is telling chumps it is their responsibility to make the marriage “a good place to be” after an affair. That way your cake-eating spouse will see what they’re missing. Often this advice is combined with the contradictory advice to be all 180 […]
Ex Wants Chump to Go to Therapy with Her
Dear Chump Lady, My ex-wife (20-year marriage) went to my therapist. (Chump that I am, I recommended that the cheating ex-wife use my therapist to save money because she knew the story.) Now she wants me to go to a meeting with her this coming Monday the 14th! Therapist called, told me it was about finding […]
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