Category: Reconciliation
Debunking “Affairs Are About Opportunity”
One tenet of the Reconciliation Industrial Complex is that “Affairs are about opportunity.” (Also known as the Chris Rock line, “You’re only as faithful as …
I Want My Cheating Wife to Read Your Book
Dear Chump Lady, I have been cheated on by my wife a few times. She has also committed financial infidelity a few times. I have …
It Was a ‘One-Off’ — Let It Go?
Dear Chump Lady, Been married 21 years, and late last year my wife was on a vacation with my adult daughter, where she had a …
Debunking Marriage Builders, Inc.
One piece of advice the Reconciliation Industrial Complex likes to give after D-Day is telling chumps it is their responsibility to make the marriage “a …
Ex Wants Chump to Go to Therapy with Her
Dear Chump Lady, My ex-wife (20-year marriage) went to my therapist. (Chump that I am, I recommended that the cheating ex-wife use my therapist to save …
Reconciliation with the Timid Forest Creature
After you’ve been cheated on, you’d think it’s a pretty simple decision tree — reconcile or divorce. Choose divorce, it doesn’t matter if your cheater …
We Reconciled… He Cheated Again
Hi Chump Lady, I just finished your book… For the second time. Two years ago I found out he had an affair with a 20-something …
‘Why Do Reconciliation Bloggers Annoy Me?’
Dearest Chump Lady, Why does the Reconciliation Industrial Complex annoy me so much? I don’t want to name any names, but while looking for support …
Esther Perel’s Myth of the Good Cheater
So, Esther Perel follows me on Twitter. Which is big of her considering I told her to bite me. On the other hand, there might be something …
The ‘People Pleaser’ Excuse
I used to see this “wayward” excuse all the time on infidelity RIC forums — the cheater isn’t a vapid, selfish, destructive person. No! They’re a …
The Pretzel Logic of the 180
If you’ve spent any time reading the reconciliation literature, you’ll notice a lot of reference to the “180.” She won’t stop seeing her affair partner? …
No One Is Entitled to Reconciliation
I know my message — “leave a cheater, gain a life” is not popular with cheaters and the Reconciliation Industrial Complex. I mean, duh. At …
UBT: Gottman’s ‘Reviving Trust After an Affair’
Yesterday, when we discussed Gottman’s The Four Horseman as an instrument of cheater mindfuckery, an alert chump sent me further reading on the Gottman’s. Apparently they …
The Resentment Rap
Dear Chump Lady, It seems if people aren’t on the Esther Perel train when it comes to their relationship ideologies, they talk about the Gottman’s. …
UBT: “Your Cheating Spouse Is the Victim, NOT You!”
Oh hey, were we talking about DARVO this week? (Deny, attack, reverse victim offender.) Do I ever have a heaping pile o’ mindfuckery for you …
‘I Have a Hate in My Heart Where Love Used to Be’
Dear Chump Lady, My husband had an affair during our 19th year of marriage with a person in his graduate class. She sent me a …
Why Blame the Chump?
Dear Chump Lady, Why are these so called experts so rabid about blaming chumps for their part in creating a situation where they got betrayed? …
UBT: He Blew Up the Marriage to Improve It
A submission here from “Deaun” to the Universal Bullshit Translator that was too fucked up to pass over. According to my counselor [the affair] was a …
Is It Okay to Give a Cheater a Second Chance?
Dear Chump Lady, I find your advice spot-on, and I share you skepticism of the Reconciliation Industrial Complex. I’m wondering if you ever could be …
What Kept You Stuck with a Cheater?
Very few people react to betrayal with calm and clarity. We’re broadsided. Flattened. Confused. Most of us ran with the unicorn herd for awhile and …
