ChumpLady.com

Leave a cheater, gain a life!

Nice versus Kind

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There was an interesting side discussion the other day on Chump Lady about the difference between niceness and kindness. Many people noted that their cheaters appeared to much of the world as “nice people,” but in point of fact, lacked kindness. (Sure, it’s an understatement to say that cheating is unkind.) Now, I don’t want […]

UBT: “Blowing up the Marriage to Improve the Marriage”

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A submission here from “Deaun” to the Universal Bullshit Translator that was too fucked up to pass over. According to my counselor [the affair] was a subconscious way of blowing up our marriage to improve it. It was physiological, my brain enjoyed the dopamine. I’m assuming from the “my brain enjoyed the dopamine” Deaun is the […]

‘My therapist wants to know how I caused my husband to cheat’

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Dear Chump Lady, I just finished reading your book. Your words about using caution when finding the right therapist were life changing for me. I found out after 24 years of marriage that my husband had been having an affair for over a year. In the many counseling sessions I have attended since D-Day, I […]

Where’s the Data on Reconciliation?

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Dear Chump Lady, Here is what would have helped move me forward, something that seems more rare than unicorns themselves: unicorn research. I’d expected that relationship experts would have gobs of years-long, scientifically blessed research on topics that really matter when you’re struggling to figure out what to do, right? Because when you go unicorn […]

How to Save Your Marriage After Infidelity

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(No, not really. I’m just trying to mess with Google Analytics today.) Many people tell me they wish they’d found Chump Lady sooner, before their ex inflicted another affair/ran off with the 401K/impregnated the schmoopie —  but alas they were googling “How to save my marriage” instead of “How to leave a cheater.” So, all you […]

Are ‘Emotional Friendships’ with Other Women Cheating?

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Dear Chump Lady, I’m eternally grateful to my friends for directing me to your site, even though it complicates most of the advice I’ve been hearing about my marriage. Here’s my situation: I’ve been married to John for 9 years. We have an infant son. About four months ago, John told me he and one […]

UBT: My Husband Stopped Cheating on Me After 35 Years

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The UBT can’t even. The Universal Bullshit Translator got several requests to shred the Guardian’s “Family” feature (seriously editors, FAMILY? Really?) “My husband has stopped cheating on me after 35 years“. It’s the confessions of a woman who stood for her marriage and at last report has won a decades-long pick me dance. Among the […]

Therapy Fails?

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Most chumps have tried therapy with fuckwits. No knock on the mental health profession, but therapists are not wizards. They aren’t going to hand out hearts, brains, and courage. You either bring that stuff to the shrink sofa, or you don’t. So today’s Fun (?) Friday Challenge is to share your Therapy Fails. It can […]

UBT: Investigative Questions for Couples Experiencing Infidelity

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Every crime needs an investigation. Not to worry, Inspector Esther Perel is on the case! And now you can be an amateur sleuth too thanks to this free download on Amazon: Investigative Questions for Couples Experiencing Infidelity. Whodunnit? Well, that’s obvious. It’s that cheater sitting next to you. (Gasp!) But is it really? Maybe… maybe… […]