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Don’t Send It, Three Reasons Why

February 15, 2021 by Chump Lady

maintain your dignity

Psssst! I have a little secret to lay on you…. People are not interested in your messy divorce. Okay, maybe your parents and closest friend. Certainly it sucks for your children. But the rest of humanity? I’m sorry. They do not care for the particulars. I know how unjust this is, especially if you’ve been cheated […]

Filed Under: Divorce, Revenge, Telling people Tagged With: Disclosure, Oversharing, Trust That They Suck

Can I Tell His Family He Cheated?

February 3, 2021 by Chump Lady

cheater manifesto

Dear Chump Lady, My STBX informed me two weeks before Quarantine Thanksgiving that we had to talk. I shut the lid of my laptop and asked, “What do you want to talk about? Do you want to watch something together?” (I was deep into an episode of something that he hated.) He said, “I want […]

Filed Under: Divorce, No contact, Revenge, Telling people Tagged With: divorce, Grey Rock

Controlling the Narrative

November 23, 2020 by Chump Lady

Dear Chump Lady, My now soon-to-be-ex husband of almost 30 years cheated on me twice — that I know of. The first one and the current one were/are full-blown long-term affairs. I’m heartbroken, but doing my best. I divorced him after the first affair, took him back, and gladly remarried him upon his request. I […]

Filed Under: Abandonment, Telling people, Trust that they suck Tagged With: Controlling the narrative

When Your Kids Believe the Lies

November 5, 2020 by Chump Lady

Dear Chump Lady, What can you say to your adult children to make them understand that the gaslighting, lying, cheating, stealing, abusive break up and divorce is not “People grow in different directions, so all relationships are temporary.”? Background, my EX, her father, started gaslighting, lying, cheating, stealing and being abusive and I, like most […]

Filed Under: Children and infidelity, Telling people Tagged With: Lies

‘My Sister Blames Me for My Husband’s Affair’

September 22, 2020 by Chump Lady

bitter bunny

Dear Chump Lady, I just had a conversation with my sister about my cheating husband. I can’t seem to get it through her head that his cheating wasn’t because there were marital problems. Nothing pisses me off more than having to listen to people say, “Well, he cheated because he wasn’t getting what he needed […]

Filed Under: Blameshifting, Telling people Tagged With: blame the victim

Is Reporting Him Revenge?

August 3, 2020 by Chump Lady

cheater manifesto

Dear Chump Lady, My ex cheated on me with a very good friend for almost 2 years. We were actually couple friends as well. She filed for divorce last summer after a year of their affair and her divorce was final the end of Feb 2020. I found out about the affair 1 week after […]

Filed Under: Revenge, Telling people Tagged With: Pick Me Dance, Revenge

He Cheated… Everyone Feels Sorry for Him

July 6, 2020 by Chump Lady

Dear Chump Lady, It has been 9 months since D-Day #2 and today would have been our 9th anniversary. A few days ago my STBXH made a public social media post about his mental health — admitting contemplating suicide, being in counseling and on meds — even (and this made me sick) making a vague […]

Filed Under: Ego kibbles, Switzerland Friends, Telling people Tagged With: Sad sausage, Switzerland Friends

How Come No One But Chumps Seems to Get It?

June 17, 2020 by Chump Lady

Muffin top

Hi Chump Lady, Could you please give some advice as to how I can stop obsessing about cheater apologists? Absolutely nobody except those who have been cheated on seem to get it. My own mother told me that she can’t judge all cheaters because she doesn’t know the circumstances — there could be gray areas. […]

Filed Under: Switzerland Friends, Telling people, Trust that they suck Tagged With: blame the victim, Cheating

‘I Want to Blast Them on Facebook’

May 26, 2020 by Chump Lady

Dear Chump Lady, I just found out after 5 or 6 years of absolute insane digging (mental breakdowns, trips to rehabs, gaslighting to the extreme, abuse that would cause anyone to want to kill themselves) that my dear darling husband’s side piece is no other than my fucking NEIGHBOR!!!!! I was on here about a […]

Filed Under: Early days after discovery, How to leave a cheater, Revenge, Telling people Tagged With: Facebook, How to leave a cheater, Other Woman, Outing cheaters

6 Ways to Respond (or Not) to Character Assassination

April 28, 2020 by Chump Lady

A lot of my Chump Lady mail can be divided into two categories, “I got chumped… what are people going to think?” and “I got chumped… and my cheater is telling people terrible things about me.” Both followed with “And what can I do about that?” Nothing. Sorry, chumps. You can’t do anything about what people […]

Filed Under: Telling people, Trust that they suck, What Not to Do Tagged With: character assassination

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