Dear Chump Lady, My husband has been having sex with the same person since before we got married in 1995 and I never knew it. Yet, he has accused me of cheating on him our entire marriage and I have never cheated on him! On a recent visit to the doctor, he was sent to […]
‘Is it my fault my ex ran off with our nanny?’
Dear Chump Lady, My ex-husband cheated and ran off with the nanny. According to my ‘friends’ and family, it’s all my fault and they knew all along that this was coming. I feel like I’m being abused and cheated on all over again when they say these things. Can you please please put these sentences […]
Dear Chump Lady, He wants a character reference
Hi CL, I was married for 25+ years to a serial cheater, liar, sex addict, abuser, manipulator (yeah, he was all that and a bag of chips). I finally threw him out last summer and we were divorced last fall — best thing I ever did. We haven’t communicated much (a good thing), but we […]
Dear Chump Lady, I don’t have any good memories of him
Dear Chump Lady, I am having a problem. I was chumped 5 years ago this month. I am in a good place now, remarried, etc. But my issue is — I have two teenagers and I cannot talk to them about their father. They know what happened and all that, but I cannot talk to […]
Character Assassination? Probably.
A lot of my Chump Lady mail can be divided into two categories, “I got chumped… what are people going to think?” and “I got chumped… and my cheater is telling people terrible things about me.” Both followed with “And what can I do about that?” Nothing. Sorry, chumps. You can’t do anything about what people […]
Dear Chump Lady, So why the hell isn’t she HAPPY now?
Hi Chump Lady, So my wife had an affair and after being found out asked for a trial separation. She said she had been “struggling with her feelings for me”, that whilst I was a great dad and someone she admired, she had changed and we had “drifted apart”. Yadda Yadda Yadda. I told her […]
Be the Support You Wish You Had
I begrudge no one their meh. It’s so hard won. But do me one favor as you move on to happier pastures — be the support you wish you had. I trust that you are. I also know how hard it is to out yourself to the world as a chump. But maybe if more […]
Keeping Secrets
To be chumped is to be conspired against. Does that sound paranoid? Over the top? Like I’ve got a tinfoil radio transmitter in my head? To change the narrative, we really need to get straight on this part, people. To be chumped is to be conspired against. Actively and with aforethought. If you’re super lucky, it’s […]
Stupid Shit That People Say to Chumps
People say a lot of stupid, insensitive things to chumps. It’s everything from the grossly mistaken — “Gee, the affair partner doesn’t seem all that bad!” To the dunderheaded smugness of, “I’m so glad my husband would never cheat on me.” (Bully for you.) Chumps, being pretty nice people, are usually taken completely off guard. […]
Dear Chump Lady, How do I stop the smear campaign?
Hey Chump Lady, D-Day was November 20, 2017. I was coming home late after working one of my 4 jobs I had taken to sustain my wife’s insatiable and inscrutable spending habit and found her asleep, phone still in hand in the middle of a text conversation with another man she had known for years, […]
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