Dear Chump Lady, I have a small but delicious morsel for the UBT to chew on. I also have a predicament, and I would greatly appreciate your and CN’s feedback. A few years ago my husband — we’re not divorced yet, but will be soon — had a very sexual affair with a coworker. Let’s […]
UBT: “I Miss the Kitties”
Dear Chump Lady, Wow, I can’t get it together. I have tried so very hard , but I do not know why after so many years, 35 to be exact and 2 years post divorce, I’m not doing well. Here is a letter from my ex-husband after I told him I am divorcing him. A […]
UBT the Trust Bank
CN, why haven’t we deconstructed the bullshit trope of the Trust Bank yet? OMG, I’ve let you down! Recently, I got a letter that went like this: Two years into the relationship he left his email open and I found the Craigslist ads, dating site profiles, etc…, but he eagerly agreed to couples counseling and […]
UBT: This Isn’t The Real Me
Ben recently submitted this glorious bit of bullshit from his not-terribly-remorseful wife. She’d like to set the record straight that the woman who cheated on him was NOT her. Well, not the core her anyway. (And if it’s just your genitals cheating, and not your core, it doesn’t count, right?) You’ll all be relieved to know that […]
UBT — He Took the Soup
Hello Chump Lady, I have been an avid follower of your blog since my soon-to-be ex left. We were together nearly 4 years, married for less than a year, when he announced he no longer wanted children, but he couldn’t permit me to give up my dream of becoming a mother (though I offered to […]
UBT: The OW Wants Me to Save My Marriage
The Universal Bullshit Translator is still recovering from its burger-flipping Ruby adventure, but it couldn’t resist this recent submission. (Okay, I had to scratch its quarter panels and sing the “UBT Is So Great” song…) The Other Woman Whose Sole Objective Is Improving Your Marriage. The submission from landingon2feet. E-mail to my spouse on D-Day: […]
UBT: The Burger-Flipping Love That Dare Not Speak Its Name
I’m sure you’re all shocked to learn that HuffPo has yet another steaming heap of clickbait triumphant OW pick-me-dance winner essay. About happiness and personal growth. (CN files its nails.) No, no, it’s different! They get married! (CN excuses itself to pick lint out of dryer vents.) And she LEARNED A VERY IMPORTANT LESSON ABOUT […]
UBT: “You Were So Perfect, I Had to Cheat”
Usually cheaters run chumps down and blameshift their affairs. You Weren’t Meeting Their Needs. You suck. They love you, but just not in that clandestine-hooker-profile-rent-a-room kind of way. Yet every now and then chumps get this particular bit of mindfuckery from the self-pity channel: “I cheated because I was insecure and needed a distraction. I suffer from low self-esteem […]
UBT: ProJared’s Divorce Statement
The Universal Bullshit Translator was awakened from its slumber to several insistent tweets that it tackle some sort of ProJared bullshit. The UBT had no idea what a ProJared was, as the “Pimp my dragon mount!” segment of the economy is unfamiliar to a simple analog machine. Apparently, among the savvy sorts who fancy themselves goblins, ProJared […]
Dear Chump Lady, How did he turn into a douche?
Dear Chump Lady, First time chump and I would have bet my life on the fact I’d never be in this position. I had a genuinely lovely husband, together 14 years, married 8 years. My best friend and partner and a nicer man you would have struggled to meet. We got through 7 recurrent miscarriages […]
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