Category: Universal Bullshit Translator

sadz

UBT: When Your Affair Partner Ghosts You

Many an alert chump sent me yesterday’s Yahoo news article: “What it Means if The Married Man You’re Having An Affair With Ghosts You Out …

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UBT: ‘He Hurt You, Not Me’

Dear Chump Lady, Your blog has saved my butt and brought me up from the way dark hole. And I thank you. However, today one …

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Universal Bullshit Translator

Translate Some BS

The Universal Bullshit Translator is not a humble machine. It’s been known to demand songs of praise after it devours bullshit. It eats a metric …

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UBT: When Your ‘Match’ Is a Married, Motivational Speaker

Happy Memorial Day, CN! Especially to all the veterans and military spouse chumps in our ranks. Thank you.  Forgive the day off, but I just …

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Mindfuck blender

UBT: ‘They are all deep connections with different colors’

Hi Chump Lady, I read your book right after D-Day, lying on the floor, to stop myself from feeling like I’m falling. At the time, …

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Universal Bullshit Translator

UBT: ‘Sorry I Was So Lame’

Dear Chump Lady, I thought I had reached meh 3 1/2 years after D-Day till I received this email from FW the other day: blah …

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Universal Bullshit Translator

UBT: “Just Let Me Try”

Hi, Chump Lady, Three days after Christmas, my husband told me that our 18-year relationship was over, that he hadn’t been happy in years, and …

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Universal Bullshit Translator

UBT: ‘You Should’ve Been a Better Husband’

Dear Chump Lady: Since my previous UBT experience was very informative and helpful, I thought I’d serve up another platter of sanctimonious cake speak from …

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Hopium

UBT: ‘It Has Not Broken Me’

Most of us understand being high on hopium, lost in the Reconciliation Industrial Complex. But a unicorn who polygraphed a Jesus-cheater-sex-addict? That’s some Pablo Escobar-level hopium. …

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Universal Bullshit Translator

UBT: ‘You Made Me Leave You’

Hi Chump Lady, Thank you for being there as a light post through this journey. My question is more of a request for some classic …

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mindfuck

UBT: ‘You Were So Perfect, I Had to Cheat’

Usually cheaters run chumps down and blameshift their affairs. You Weren’t Meeting Their Needs. You suck. They love you, but just not in that clandestine-hooker-profile-rent-a-room kind of way. …

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UBT: Brent Sadler’s Douche Solidarity

If you cut Brent Sadler, does he not ooze? Sadler, has-been war correspondent in search of relevancy, wants the world to know that #HeToo has …

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UBT: ‘My Ex Owes Me Money’

Dear Chump Lady, I found out my 40-year-old ex-husband was cheating on me with a 19-year-old in Feb. 2018, shortly after found out she was …

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respect

UBT: ‘Respect My Relationship with the OW’

Dear Chump Lady, I’ve been divorced from my lying cheating ex since January 2016 after I found out he was cheating on me with his client. …

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UBT: “My Handling of Your Situation Is Beyond Fault”

Dear Chump Lady, A family member is divorcing her serial cheater and is attempting no contact. Below is a recent email from her not-soon-enough-to-be-ex that …

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mindfuck

UBT: ‘Emotions at Many Times’

Hi Chump Lady, I was wondering if the Universal Bullshit Translator could help me translate this one. I was in a relationship for a year. …

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Ben Taylor

UBT: Narcissist Cheater Life Coach

Here’s a curious business plan: be a serial cheater, embrace your narcissism, and monetize that shit as a life coach. Ooh, where do I sign …

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shrink

UBT: Investigative Questions for Couples Experiencing Infidelity

Every crime needs an investigation. Not to worry, Inspector Esther Perel is on the case! And now you can be an amateur sleuth too thanks …

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UBT: ‘Accept My Truth’

Dear Chump Lady, My children, 4 and 7, and I had a talk the other day. I asked my son why he thought his parents …

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glorious asshole

UBT: The Sugar Daddy

New York magazine runs a feature called “Sex Diaries,” sort of like Penthouse forum but without the improving articles. Readers anonymously send in details of their …

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