Dear Chump Lady, After I kicked out my cheating ex-boyfriend Mark, he moved in with one of my best friends, Heidi, as a “roommate.” Yeah, right. I went no contact with them both because I needed to step away from the drama, but Heidi just sent me a Christmas card which I hoped you could […]
UBT: ‘He Played Me Too’
You guys won’t believe the letters I get from Other Women wanting my advice. I know, it’s like gnats wanting wisdom from a bug zapper. But really, it happens. Behold a recent missive: Dear Chump Lady, I’m the other woman. Well, actually I refused to be the other woman. We fell in love, he said […]
UBT: ‘If You Need Me, I’ll Be There’
Hi Chump Lady, I got on the hopium and had a terrible fake reconciliation. After the most recent D-Day (two weeks ago tomorrow) — found out my sex addict STBX had visited the same hotel two days in a row, while I was working — I kicked him out and filed for divorce. I have […]
Be Your Own UBT
The Universal Bullshit Translator bursts its sockets with pride to think it has spawned a multitude of other UBTs. You see them on the CN boards, or the comments here — hey, translate this! And a new army of snarky bullshit translators are on the job. Your Friday Challenge is to shred some word salad […]
UBT: Cheating on My Husband Made Me a Better Mother
Who’s ready for another personal testimonial to the wonders of cheating? It brightens! It whitens! It dices! It slices! And it’s good for stubborn stains. I bring you Medium’s Cheating on My Husband Made Me a Better Mother — “My affair made me happier and, by consequence, also my kids” by Elle Silver. I know, […]
UBT: ‘My Dad Sucks’
How children feel about their cheating parents is a topic the Universal Bullshit Translator has rightly shied away from. My standard advice to chumps here is let the kids figure out that relationship for themselves. Tell the truth (“Dad has a girlfriend, that’s why we’re divorcing”) and don’t editorialize (i.e., “Dad’s a slut”). Recognize that […]
Your Best Word Salad, Please
I created this site not just to offer an alternative to the Reconciliation Industrial Complex, but to lampoon the pomposity of cheaters. And there is nothing sillier, no deeper vein of humor, than someone trying to defend the indefensible. That’s why bad actors have to torture their syntax, speak in high-falutin’ vagaries, smother their verbs, […]
UBT: ‘Shortcut to Happiness’
Dear Chump Lady, I could really use the Universal Bullshit Translator to determine if this is a genuine apology. We have an 11 year relationship with 2 kids riding on it. D-day was 4 months ago. The context: his affair lasted over a year and was with a 28-year-old coworker (I’m 39, he is 37) and […]
UBT: Jada’s ‘Entanglement’
To all of you who sent me Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith’s Red Table public service announcement for Reconciliation After Entanglement — the Universal Bullshit Translator is toast. It’s a simple machine and it really can’t handle this much Esther Perel sophistication before breakfast. To those out of loop, Deadline reports: The Friday episode of […]
UBT: “Your Cheating Spouse Is the Victim, NOT You!”
Oh hey, were we talking about DARVO this week? (Deny, attack, reverse victim offender.) Do I ever have a heaping pile o’ mindfuckery for you today. Introducing Reconciliation Industrial Complex therapist quack, Dr. Robert Huizenga. A chump on his mailing list sent me his super special offer to Save My Marriage from my imaginary trauma. […]
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