Category: Universal Bullshit Translator

Universal Bullshit Translator

UBT: Bad Cheater Poetry

Dear Chump Lady, While rage packing FW’s stuff after D-day, I found a poem she had penned on a Post-it. It was in the bottom …

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Universal Bullshit Translator

UBT: A Million Dollars to Reconcile

Dear Chump Lady, I separated from my partner of 20 years after I found out about his porn and prostitute addiction. The FW wants to reconcile …

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Universal Bullshit Translator

UBT: I Am a Broken Empty Person Searching for Meaning Before I Die

Dear Chump Lady, It’s nearly one year to the day since ex walked out on me and our two kids into the arms of the …

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Universal Bullshit Translator

UBT: I Always Felt Trapped

Hi Chump Lady, It’s been since Oct 2021 that he left me for the OW. Finally, today I got an email from him trying to …

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How Do I Know When I’m Done?

Hi Chump Lady, I feel like I’m asking a stupid question, but at the same time, it’s like I don’t understand my own mind. Some …

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Universal Bullshit Translator

UBT: Should I feel guilty about 25 years of cheating?

Leave it to the Guardian to muff it on infidelity advice. Many alert chumps sent me the advice column by Pamela Stephenson Connolly — an actress, …

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UBT: ‘It Has Nothing to Do with You’

“It has nothing to do with you.” That single sentence was sent to the Universal Bullshit Translator. One Stupid Shit Cheaters Say cliche, so much to …

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Universal Bullshit Translator

UBT: Other Woman Doesn’t Want the “Mistress” Label

Many alert chumps sent me the Carolyn Hax column from yesterday, “Will She Always Be the Mistress to Her Now-Husband’s Children?” Having been elevated to …

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Universal Bullshit Translator

UBT: The Children Made Me Cheat

In loathsome clickbait news, many chumps sent me the Daily Mail’s “I didn’t want to cheat on my wife. But having children wrecked our sex …

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Universal Bullshit Translator

UBT: Dr. Keith Ablow “Infidelity Is a Lousy Reason to End a Marriage”

Back in 2016, the Universal Bullshit Translator parsed some RIC nonsense from Dr. Keith Ablow — a popular therapist commentator on Fox News. I’m rerunning …

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bullshit bird

UBT: The Burger-Flipping Love That Dare Not Speak Its Name

I’m sure you’re all shocked to learn that HuffPo has yet another steaming heap of clickbait triumphant OW pick-me-dance winner essay. About happiness and personal …

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Universal Bullshit Translator

UBT: ‘I Had an Affair And Now My Kids Won’t Forgive Me’

Woe the sad sausage who demands forgiveness. Recently, one such entitled FW wrote to the advice column, Care and Feeding, at Slate magazine. Dear Care …

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UBT: Renegade Sex Therapists

Raise your hand if you think good sex is an important part of a good relationship. Oh, hey, is that all of you? I think …

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butt face

UBT: ‘I Will Return With a Fuller Love’

There’s nothing like a good serving of cake to make cheaters really appreciate their chumps. Shana submitted this gem to the Universal Bullshit Translator and says …

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I forgive you

UBT: Sad Sausage Poetry

Dear Chump Lady, I’m seeking feedback on a text my ex sent. We were married over two decades and shared what I thought was a …

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Universal Bullshit Translator

UBT: ‘I in no way want be looked at as a home wrecker’

Hi Chump Lady, My ex was a serial cheater, cheated on me our entire 7 year relationship (7 years together married for 4; 2014-2021), even …

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Universal Bullshit Translator

UBT: ‘Give Me Some Clarity’

Dear Chump Lady, I’m nearly one-year post-divorce, 19 months post-separation kicking the FW out. While some days are still really difficult, with the power of …

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UBT: Don’t Give Up on Me

Today’s it’s Tuesday on a Wednesday. (Tuesday: the day the pain stops.) I got a really nice update from Gay and Monogamous, whose ex’s self-serving …

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sadz

UBT: I Am Not In Control

Dear Chump Lady, Thank you for your wonderful site which has helped me no end after finding out my STBXH had cheated on me with …

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Nice

UBT: I Wish You Were Still Nice

The Universal Bullshit Translator gets a lot of “It’s not what I did, it’s how you reacted” pitchforked into it. Blameshifting lays around in piles. Why …

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