Ben recently submitted this glorious bit of bullshit from his not-terribly-remorseful wife. She’d like to set the record straight that the woman who cheated on him was NOT her. Well, not the core her anyway. (And if it’s just your genitals cheating, and not your core, it doesn’t count, right?) You’ll all be relieved to know that […]
UBT — He Took the Soup
Hello Chump Lady, I have been an avid follower of your blog since my soon-to-be ex left. We were together nearly 4 years, married for less than a year, when he announced he no longer wanted children, but he couldn’t permit me to give up my dream of becoming a mother (though I offered to […]
UBT: The OW Wants Me to Save My Marriage
The Universal Bullshit Translator is still recovering from its burger-flipping Ruby adventure, but it couldn’t resist this recent submission. (Okay, I had to scratch its quarter panels and sing the “UBT Is So Great” song…) The Other Woman Whose Sole Objective Is Improving Your Marriage. The submission from landingon2feet. E-mail to my spouse on D-Day: […]
UBT: The Burger-Flipping Love That Dare Not Speak Its Name
I’m sure you’re all shocked to learn that HuffPo has yet another steaming heap of clickbait triumphant OW pick-me-dance winner essay. About happiness and personal growth. (CN files its nails.) No, no, it’s different! They get married! (CN excuses itself to pick lint out of dryer vents.) And she LEARNED A VERY IMPORTANT LESSON ABOUT […]
UBT: “You Were So Perfect, I Had to Cheat”
Usually cheaters run chumps down and blameshift their affairs. You Weren’t Meeting Their Needs. You suck. They love you, but just not in that clandestine-hooker-profile-rent-a-room kind of way. Yet every now and then chumps get this particular bit of mindfuckery from the self-pity channel: “I cheated because I was insecure and needed a distraction. I suffer from low self-esteem […]
UBT: ProJared’s Divorce Statement
The Universal Bullshit Translator was awakened from its slumber to several insistent tweets that it tackle some sort of ProJared bullshit. The UBT had no idea what a ProJared was, as the “Pimp my dragon mount!” segment of the economy is unfamiliar to a simple analog machine. Apparently, among the savvy sorts who fancy themselves goblins, ProJared […]
Dear Chump Lady, How did he turn into a douche?
Dear Chump Lady, First time chump and I would have bet my life on the fact I’d never be in this position. I had a genuinely lovely husband, together 14 years, married 8 years. My best friend and partner and a nicer man you would have struggled to meet. We got through 7 recurrent miscarriages […]
UBT: Why Happy People Cheat
I’m sure you’re all curious “Why Happy People Cheat.” ChumpPrincess sent me a link from the Good Men Project with that title. The UBT groaned, “Haven’t I regurgitated this bullshit before?” Probably. There are about a bazillion exact titles of Why Happy People Cheat on the interwebs, from the Atlantic Monthly to Psychology Today to Esther […]
UBT: “The Second Mountain: The Quest for a Moral Life”
Well, I hope you enjoyed your background reading yesterday, CN, and can properly focus your minds on some new David Brooks bullshit. (Or have at least bought the missing gravy boat on his wedding registry.) What? Two days of David Brooks? Look, if you think you feel bad, imagine how the Universal Bullshit translator feels, […]
David Brooks Can Bite Me
I’m sure you’re all thrilled to crumbs to learn that New York Times columnist David Brooks — deli meat snob, scourge of single mothers, and misunderstood love moppet — has a new book out. “The Second Mountain: The Quest for a Moral Life.” From the guy who left his wife for his muse much younger research […]
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