Well, I hope you enjoyed your background reading yesterday, CN, and can properly focus your minds on some new David Brooks bullshit. (Or have at least bought the missing gravy boat on his wedding registry.) What? Two days of David Brooks? Look, if you think you feel bad, imagine how the Universal Bullshit translator feels, […]
David Brooks Can Bite Me
I’m sure you’re all thrilled to crumbs to learn that New York Times columnist David Brooks — deli meat snob, scourge of single mothers, and misunderstood love moppet — has a new book out. “The Second Mountain: The Quest for a Moral Life.” From the guy who left his wife for his muse much younger research […]
Serenade the Universal Bullshit Translator
The Universal Bullshit Translator is a balky, vain old thing. It often requires coaxing to fire up the ol’ transponders. Sometimes it warms to the task. Nothing like a drunken ex sext to set its carburetor humming. But unfortunately, when offended, it resists me. “NOOooo! Not another Esther Perel discourse on the exquisite unbearableness of […]
UBT: “People sometimes lie or ‘forget’ to keep their promises”
Do you know how many verses of the “UBT Is So Great” song I had to sing to get it to translate Dear Therapist? I need a lie down and a lozenge. Following up from yesterday’s bullshit — When the OW Doesn’t Trust Her Boyfriend — today we’re putting Dear Therapist’s answer through the chipper […]
UBT: When the OW Doesn’t Trust Her Boyfriend
Dear Therapist over at the Atlantic Monthly is on break, so perhaps she doesn’t mind me answering this godawful letter she got from an OW lamenting that she can’t trust her married boyfriend. Oh hang on, Dear Therapist did answer it. Appallingly. Well, I think it could use an assist from the UBT. It’s balking, […]
UBT: Eat, Pray, Happy Day?
The Universal Bullshit Translator has feasted on Elizabeth Gilbert bullshit (of Eat, Pray, Love fame) since the early days of this blog. Frankly, anyone who addresses their readers as “Dear Ones” deserves to have their prose shoved down a chipper shredder with a stick. YOU DON’T KNOW ME, Elizabeth! ENOUGH WITH LOVEBOMBING! (Says the woman […]
UBT: “I should be nice to you”
Dear Chump Lady, While I am reaching meh, I was wondering if the Universal Bullshit Translator could help me out. During one of our last few conversations, where I was begging Ex to just be nice to me while I moved out — I was in the process of packing everything to move across the […]
Soul Blazing and Navel Gazing
Once upon a time, I took apart this execrable article — “Is It Time to Change Our Ideas of Adultery and Marriage?” This is all you need to know — the author of the Fluff-Po clickbait, Lisa Haisha, lists her profession as “soul blazer.” Guess what! Lisa does think it’s a good time to rethink our […]
Be the UBT
There is only one patented Universal Bullshit Translator. But alas, there’s more bullshit in the land than one UBT can handle. That’s why your fun Friday challenge is to help the UBT translate bullshit into snark. These stables aren’t going to muck themselves. Do you have some creepy text message? Is Schmoopie sending you Bible […]
UBT: “People Grow Apart”
Dear Chump Lady I have a request for the UBT. I’m just over a year out after D-Day and am pretty much no contact with my ex apart from arranging his once-every-3-weeks weekend visit with the kids. I’ve had him and OW blocked on social media since last summer and it’s made a huge difference […]
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