People send a lot of dumb articles to the Universal Bullshit Translator, so it takes a whole lot of stupid for the UBT to be agog — but this one takes the biscuit. “Here’s how to get definitive proof your partner is cheating” by HuffPo. You’ll never guess what the secret is — YOU ASK […]
UBT: ‘I Am Feeling Sad About This’
Dear Chump Lady, I was wondering if I could donate some extra Lebkuchen for the UBT for this one? This is about the 4th (I think?) email I have received from Fuckwit since telling him I wanted a divorce in May 2020 (still in process). Brief History of our “Marriage”: Married 25 years, 2 lovely […]
UBT: I Know My Truth
Dear Chump Lady, I am 6 months post d-Day. My husband of 40 years finally has a move out date and I am starting to get a taste of what closure might look like. I’m still in pain, but getting better. I would like some help parsing the communication I received from the OW. She […]
UBT: My Husband’s Craigslist Ad
The Universal Bullshit Translator (UBT) gets some weird submissions, but this one stood out. Chumpified shared her husband’s Craigslist ad. Or, excuse me, one of them. Not everyone can craft such 50 Shades of Schlock, ladies. Stand in line. Chumpified writes: I thought it’d be fun to share with you just one (out of hundreds) […]
UBT: ‘I Wish You Were Still Nice’
The Universal Bullshit Translator gets a lot of “It’s not what I did, it’s how you reacted” pitchforked into it. Blameshifting lays around in piles. Why can’t you chumps be NICER? Someone needs kibbles! In today’s UBT submission, Lori writes: He was on his way out last year and did a complete 180, I figure the […]
UBT: The Mayo Clinic
The un-chumped people of the world sometimes think I exaggerate The Reconciliation Industrial Complex. When my book was first being pitched to publishers, this came up. Leave a cheater? Well, DUH. No, you see all the infidelity resources are predicated on reconciling with cheaters. There isn’t a single “leave the jerk, you’ll feel a lot […]
UBT: ‘Monogamy Is a Gift’
You know you’re wading in deep bullshit when you see the title “The Unsparing Genius of Esther Perel.” (Editor’s note: They changed the title since I first ran this. I guess my snark hurt their feelings.) Oh please do spare us such genius. Sorry. “Leading Mindful Living Expert” and “Certified Yoga Therapist” Ira Israel broadcasts to […]
UBT: Leaving and Cleaving
Awhile ago, I got a request to UBT David Brooks’ word vomit “Leaving and Cleaving” — a missive in the New York Times to his dumped, chumped wife. (Brooks, the Foremost Expert in Character, left her for his much younger researcher assistant.) I needed a rerun today, so why miss an opportunity to underscore what an odious […]
UBT: “Thank You for Always Being There”
Dear Chump Lady, My ex-husband and I were together for ten years, married for one when he asked for a divorce. I was heartbroken and didn’t understand where this was coming from (we had been trying for a baby). So, in the midst of a pandemic, I moved in with a friend and her family […]
UBT: “I Made a Mistake”
I get some weird mail. But perhaps none so weird as this letter sent to my Universal Bullshit Translator by John — a cheater. Yes, probably inadvertently, John has asked me to decode his own bullshit. Here’s the letter: Maybe you should focus a little more at actually responding and helping people a little more. My […]
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