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UBT: I Can’t Remember

January 20, 2021 by Chump Lady

can't remember

Probably no other statement gets sent to the Universal Bullshit Translator more than “I can’t remember.” What is it about cheating that fogs the mind? (Did all that boinking lead to traumatic brain injury?) Here are some possible UBTs and manipulations around “I can’t remember.” I can’t remember. I totally remember, but I’ll be goddamned […]

Filed Under: Deception, Gaslighting, universal bullshit translator Tagged With: Universal Bullshit Translator 50 Comments

UBT: I Only Date Married Men

January 12, 2021 by Chump Lady

other woman

Several folks sent me the archived Dear Prudence article that ran last week, “Help! I Only Date Married Men. And I Like It.” Which is a peculiar lede. This is a request for validation, not advice. It’s like writing in “Help! I Drown Kittens. And I Enjoy It.” Yes, kitten drowning is generally frowned upon, […]

Filed Under: Other Women, universal bullshit translator Tagged With: Universal Bullshit Translator 175 Comments

UBT: Affair Proofing Your Marriage

December 17, 2020 by Chump Lady

“Affair Proof Your Marriage” articles are so ubiquitous, I hesitate to feed them to the Universal Bullshit Translator. It just rolled its circuits at me. Really? This crap again? Don’t you have some juicy psychobabble from a certified Yoga Imago Sex Therapist I can parse? Are you really going to make me read “keep the home […]

Filed Under: Blameshifting, universal bullshit translator Tagged With: Universal Bullshit Translator

UBT: “True Love Is Never a Scandal”

November 12, 2020 by Chump Lady

swanning cheater

Dearest Chump Lady, In July, 2018, my musician husband of 16 years finally confessed to a year-long-plus affair (we know it is likely longer) with a longtime “super fan” of his band. She went to every gig over nearly 10 years, during which time I typically did not, as I was most often either child […]

Filed Under: Other Women, universal bullshit translator Tagged With: Universal Bullshit Translator

UBT: Married Trader with a Sugar Baby

November 11, 2020 by Chump Lady

New York magazine runs a feature called “Sex Diaries,” sort of like Penthouse forum but without the improving articles. Readers anonymously send in details of their sex-lives — “with comic, tragic, often sexy, and always revealing results.”  The other week, a 42-year-old corporate trader shared his hijinks with a much younger Sugar Baby. (Which could be a post […]

Filed Under: Deception, Sex addiction, universal bullshit translator Tagged With: Sugar Baby, Sugar Daddy, Universal Bullshit Translator

UBT: “I Forgive You”

November 9, 2020 by Chump Lady

Dear Chump Lady, Thank you for your insightful and supportive blog. I am a chump. Married 6 years and separated for 7 months, I have already filed for divorce. Mr. Sparkles cheated repeatedly and blames me for the separation and divorce, but the biggest mindfuck is HE forgives me. I hope this one makes it […]

Filed Under: Forgiveness, universal bullshit translator Tagged With: DARVO, Universal Bullshit Translator

UBT: “You Might Appreciate Knowing Some of This”

October 28, 2020 by Chump Lady

Dear Chump Lady, I’m a chump a year and a half out with 5 kids and a 25 year marriage. Your website, friends and a good therapist have saved my life. My cheater led a double life wherein he hired a firm to coach him how to get women, he hired high end prostitutes, has […]

Filed Under: universal bullshit translator Tagged With: Sorry Not Sorry, Universal Bullshit Translator

UBT: ‘Mark Is Fine’

September 24, 2020 by Chump Lady

Dear Chump Lady, After I kicked out my cheating ex-boyfriend Mark, he moved in with one of my best friends, Heidi, as a “roommate.” Yeah, right. I went no contact with them both because I needed to step away from the drama, but Heidi just sent me a Christmas card which I hoped you could […]

Filed Under: Other Women, universal bullshit translator Tagged With: Smugness, Universal Bullshit Translator

UBT: ‘He Played Me Too’

September 14, 2020 by Chump Lady

You guys won’t believe the letters I get from Other Women wanting my advice. I know, it’s like gnats wanting wisdom from a bug zapper. But really, it happens. Behold a recent missive: Dear Chump Lady, I’m the other woman. Well, actually I refused to be the other woman. We fell in love, he said […]

Filed Under: Other Women, Pick me dance, universal bullshit translator Tagged With: Other Woman, Universal Bullshit Translator

UBT: ‘If You Need Me, I’ll Be There’

September 9, 2020 by Chump Lady

Hi Chump Lady, I got on the hopium and had a terrible fake reconciliation. After the most recent D-Day (two weeks ago tomorrow) — found out my sex addict STBX had visited the same hotel two days in a row, while I was working — I kicked him out and filed for divorce. I have […]

Filed Under: universal bullshit translator Tagged With: Genuine Imitation Naugahyde Remorse, Universal Bullshit Translator

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