Category: Universal Bullshit Translator
UBT: ‘I Do Not See Him As a Cheater’
Dear Chump Lady, I’m getting my ducks in a row. Interested on your take on Schmoopie’s correspondence. I can scarcely wrap my head around it. …
UBT: ‘I Had a Moment of Weakness As a Fragile, Broken Human’
Hey there, Chump Lady. I’ve got a few texts from my FW’s big apology day that may be good fodder for the Universal Bullshit Translator: …
5 Ways to Decode a Non-Apology Apology
If you’re a chump you might have a hard time distinguishing between a real apology and a non-apology. Welcome to Genuine Imitation Naugahyde Remorse. GINR is …
UBT: Affairs Can Be Self-Care
Oh Bustle, you vapid little blip of clickbait… Of all the things you could choose to amplify on your site — world’s worse pizza toppings, …
UBT: Cheater Wants to Get Back Together With Ex-Wife After 20 Years
Well, Dear Amy whiffed it this week with her reply to a cheater who was considering leaving his Schmoopie for his ex-wife — after 20 …
UBT: The Heart Wants John Tory in Office
Happy Valentine’s Day. The Toronto mayor John Tory resigned the other day for schtupping a staff member and the Universal Bullshit Translator is here for …
UBT: ‘Schoompie Wants the Scoop-y’ on Chump’s Dead Husband
Dear Chump Lady, I am not sure what category you would classify this event. In 2020, after 20 years of marriage to a man that …
UBT: ‘I Like Me. A Lot.’
Dear Chump Lady, So, I finally left my FW husband of 27 years after enduring two years of mindfuckery after I learned of a series …
UBT: ‘I’m in a Good Place Now’
Dear Chump Lady, So two years ago my husband of 25 years left me for his technician, immediately moved her in, got her pregnant and they are …
UBT: The OW Sends a Self-Help Book
Hi Chump Lady! I wrote to you, detailing how my cheating ex got cheated on by his mistress and how karma, completely un-looked for at …
UBT: You Encouraged My Wife to Leave Me
I get some weird mail. But perhaps none so weird as this letter sent to my Universal Bullshit Translator by John — a cheater. Yes, probably …
UBT: The OW Who Just Wants to Help
The Universal Bullshit Translator just can’t get enough of supercilious, OW twatwaffle condescension. It’s like popcorn to the UBT. Popped fresh from Satan’s own blast …
UBT: How Do I Handle the Death of My Secret Lover?
Hello from across the pond, Chump Lady. Been a fan of your warmth, wisdom, and compassionate but arse-kicking blog for a few years now, and …
UBT: Bad Cheater Poetry
Dear Chump Lady, While rage packing FW’s stuff after D-day, I found a poem she had penned on a Post-it. It was in the bottom …
UBT: A Million Dollars to Reconcile
Dear Chump Lady, I separated from my partner of 20 years after I found out about his porn and prostitute addiction. The FW wants to reconcile …
UBT: I Am a Broken Empty Person Searching for Meaning Before I Die
Dear Chump Lady, It’s nearly one year to the day since ex walked out on me and our two kids into the arms of the …
UBT: I Always Felt Trapped
Hi Chump Lady, It’s been since Oct 2021 that he left me for the OW. Finally, today I got an email from him trying to …
How Do I Know When I’m Done?
Hi Chump Lady, I feel like I’m asking a stupid question, but at the same time, it’s like I don’t understand my own mind. Some …
UBT: Should I feel guilty about 25 years of cheating?
Leave it to the Guardian to muff it on infidelity advice. Many alert chumps sent me the advice column by Pamela Stephenson Connolly — an actress, …
UBT: ‘It Has Nothing to Do with You’
“It has nothing to do with you.” That single sentence was sent to the Universal Bullshit Translator. One Stupid Shit Cheaters Say cliche, so much to …
