The Universal Bullshit Translator delights in the word vomit of the Other Woman with a bad case of the sadz. The sort of star-crossed luvah who clamors for recognition that only publication in a major newspaper can confer, that says — Yes You Were Special (clickbait). Thank you, the legions of Chump Nation who sent […]
UBT: “I wish I could take it back”
When a cheater apologizes, it can seem awfully churlish not to accept their “sorry.” After fucking around, at last they’re owning it! Chump hearts swell, a little waft of hopium hits the neurotransmitters, and you begin to wonder, “Maybe I was mistaken? Maybe I’m being a bit cold-hearted? Maybe there’s a chance for us?” Oh, […]
UBT: “There Are No Right Answers”
Dear God, the UBT has a buffet of crap to choose from. A alert chump sent me this HuffPo article by Samantha Rodman, PhD entitled “My husband had a one-night stand.” Rodman, who goes by “Dr. Psychmom,” pens an advice column. Reader Crushed writes: I just found out my husband had a one night stand. It […]
UBT: “I Want to Dive Into You”
Dear Chump Lady, I am currently in the divorce process with my cheating wife. We have been married for 15 years, with 4 kids. This summer, she started an affair with a friend of ours, the husband of a close friend of hers, and the godfather to one of our kids. You know, the kind […]
UBT: “I Don’t Mean to Worry You, But…”
Dear Chump Lady, My (now ex-) husband of 23 years (together since we were both 16 at school, so 31 years in total) began behaving strangely. One night while he was sleeping, I crept around his side of the bed to check out his phone and found, to my horror, that he was engaging in […]
UBT: “You Represent Christmastime”
Hi Chump Lady, If you could run the following email through your UBT, I would GREATLY appreciate it. This is coming from someone who cheated on me with three different women over the course of a year, one of which was a prostitute. He has since been trying to get me back after I broke […]
UBT: “I’m in a Good Place Now”
Dear Chump Lady, So two years ago my husband of 25 years left me for his technician, immediately moved her in, got her pregnant and they are now living their happy life with a 17-month old, while I struggle. Anyway, we are still not divorced. It’s in process, but very expensive and we disagree on many key points. […]
UBT: “I Don’t Understand”
Dear Chump Lady, I have a gold mine for the UBT that deserves its moment in the sun. At the time, it was a mean attempt to get me to ask for less in the divorce settlement. Now that it is final and I’m working on my cool new life, I occasionally look at this […]
UBT: “Loving Your Husband Hurts Me Too”
There is no sadder sausage than the Other Woman and her unrequited love. An alert chump sent me this submission, YourTango, “Loving Your Husband Hurts Me Too“, for the Universal Bullshit Translator. After all this time, I still hope he leaves you. I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine. Except for his pesky wife. We sit across from […]
UBT: “I Found Myself and Had an Affair”
An alert chump sent me this letter to “Meredith” an advice columnist, that ran in the Boston Globe’s Love Letters. In it, a cheater laments his pain since his affair partner moved away and how the affair was a chance for him to Find Himself. (Look in the file under “Douchebag.”) Meredith handled it pretty admirably […]
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