Category: Universal Bullshit Translator

UBT: “I Didn’t Mean To”

Dear Chump Lady, I was married to a very lovely man for 15 years. He was “nice,” yet he needed parenting. That’s where I came …

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UBT: “In Defense of Dating a Married Man”

So here’s some MSN clickbait just begging to be Universal Bullshit Translator-ed this morning. A fluffy little piece of sociopathy by Shannon Boodram, sexologist, entitled …

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Dear Chump Lady, He’s come out of the “fog” and wants us back

Dear Chump Lady, I’m in need of a situational bullshit translator. My story is long and ridiculous so I will do my best to give …

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UBT: “Found Myself and Had an Affair”

An alert chump sent me this letter to “Meredith” an advice columnist, that ran in the Boston Globe’s Love Letters. In it, a cheater laments …

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not a unicorn

Dear Chump Lady, He “can’t cope with the guilt” of who he is

Dear Chump Lady, I was cheated on by my ex, for the first year I hadn’t any idea. There were 5 to 6 other women. There have been …

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glorious asshole

UBT: Married Trader with a Sugar Baby

New York magazine runs a feature called “Sex Diaries,” sort of like Penthouse forum but without the improving articles. Readers anonymously send in details of their …

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UBT: “Other Men” Explain Their Affairs

I found this obnoxious piece of dreck “17 ‘Other Men’ Explain What It’s Like To Have An Affair With A Married Woman” by Jessica Winters because …

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UBT: 7 Reasons Why Cheating Was Your Fault

I always enjoy my mindfuckery when it’s wrapped up with Shutterstock photos to look like innocuous relationship advice. Double bonus points if it’s a parenting …

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UBT: Mo’Nique’s Give Men a Pass for Cheating

So, this was in my Facebook feed this week, and probably yours too — comedian Mo’Nique gave an interview saying you should give your spouse a “pass …

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bad friend

UBT: “The Ethicist”

Several people, (including my husband) asked if I would UBT last Sunday’s New York Times column in “The Ethicist” by Kwame Anthony Appiah — Should I Tell My …

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UBT OW: I Just Want to Reach Out and Help You!

The Universal Bullshit Translator just can’t get enough of supercilious, OW twat waffle condescension. It’s like popcorn to the UBT. Popped fresh from Satan’s own …

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UBT: “I’m Not Trying to Be Dramatic.”

Yesterday, chump LemonSqueezy posted this text she’d gotten from the Other Woman, a co-worker of her soon-to-be-ex husband. He and the OW had a four-year affair. LS and …

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UBT: “Loving Your Husband Hurts ME Too!”

There is no sadder sausage than the Other Woman and her unrequited love. An alert chump sent me this submission, YourTango, “Loving Your Husband Hurts Me …

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UBT: “How Having an Affair Saved My Life.”

Sorry the Universal Bullshit Translator is getting to this late. A bunch of you sent me the HuffPo piece “How Having an Affair Saved my Life” …

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UBT: “I’m unable to remain faithful to my perfect husband.”

Today’s Universal Bullshit Translator tidbit is this Salon article: “I’m the woman you met on Ashley Madison — How the rush of infidelity led to affairs online.” (You can …

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UBT: “It happened and it’s not my fault.”

Oh the sad sausage cheaters! Are there any other kind? They betray you for kibbles, steal your life, shatter your heart — yet they want you to …

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UBT: Cheaters didn’t know “what else” to do!

Yesterday’s post on closure got this response from “gdmmt” accusing chumps of victim mentality and not caring enough about the feelings of cheaters. I thought …

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UBT: “You don’t love me the way I need to be loved”

Today’s Universal Bullshit Translator request comes from Keep on Thriving: Hey, CL, can we analyze this: “You don’t love/value me the way I need to …

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UBT: “Sometimes You Need to Betray the Social Order”

God, I love me some Orwellian doublespeak. I like to end the week on a participatory note. So your homework today until Monday is to write …

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UBT: “I Wasn’t Trying to Manipulate You”

Today’s Universal Bullshit Translator tidbit comes from Arlo, who sent it in after reading an article I shared on Facebook about gaslighting. (Which is a …

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