Category: Universal Bullshit Translator

UBT: “How to break free from monogamy without destroying marriage”

The Universal Bullshit Translator is weary. So many stupid articles, so little time… The gears crank for the Washington Post’s “How to break free from …

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shrink

UBT: “Affair Proofing” Your Marriage

“Affair Proof Your Marriage” articles are so ubiquitous, I hesitate to feed them to the Universal Bullshit Translator. It just rolled its circuits at me. Really? …

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UBT: “I have the best sex with married men.”

Boy, the UBT never runs out of material. Today’s I’m a Terrible Person Who Did a Wonderful Naughty Thing! submission comes from www.yourtango.com — an …

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UBT: “The explanations were never good enough.”

Hey, it’s UBT narcissistic rage week here at Chump Lady! We seem to be getting a spate of UBT submissions in the dumped-cheater-feels-hard-done-by category. The …

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UBT: “You’re not capable of forgiveness.”

Dear Chump Lady, I’ve been divorced since February but now my ex is asking if we can “try again.” His last text tirade started with, …

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gift

UBT: “Monogamy Is a Gift”

You know you’re wading in deep bullshit when you see the title “The Unsparing Genius of Esther Perel.” Oh please do spare us such genius. …

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UBT: “There Are No Right Answers in the Aftermath of Infidelity”

Dear God, the UBT has a buffet of crap to choose from. A alert chump sent me this HuffPo article that ran the other week …

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limbo

UBT: Joseph’s Letter

If you’ve spent any time on reconciliation boards, you’re familiar with Joseph’s Letter. It was written by a member of a defunct forum “BAN”, but …

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The UBT Takes on Aimee

The other day, Sweetz posted that the Other Woman sent her an email and asked that we decode it for her. By request, I will …

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UBT My Husband’s Craigslist Ad

The Universal Bullshit Translator (UBT) gets some weird submissions, but this one stood out. Chumpified shared her husband’s Craigslist ad. Or, excuse me, one of …

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bitter bunny

The UBT Takes On Mother-In-Laws

How sharper than a serpent’s tooth is it to have a thankless mother-in-law. You raise their grandchildren, consider them family, and spend countless holidays in …

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Nice

UBT: I Wish You Were Still Nice

The Universal Bullshit Translator gets a lot of “It’s not what I did, it’s how you reacted” pitchforked into it. Blameshifting lays around in piles. Why …

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UBT: Maybe Our Problem Is We Work Too Well Together

Since yesterday’s post, everyone has been sending me their Universal Bullshit Translator submissions. Oh, the moist, delicious cakey-ness! I chose Andrew’s submission today. It could …

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Stupid Shit Cake Eaters Say

Here’s a new category — Stupid Shit Cake Eaters Say. A chump sent me this lovely text message (name obscured to protect the cake eating) …

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The “Plan B” Offer

If things don’t work out with her, perhaps you and I could work things out. This was in my “Universal Bullshit Translator” requests this morning. …

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Don’t Ask Amy

An alert chump sent me this advice column, “Ask Amy” inquiring “When the Affair Leads to Marriage, Is It Right to Celebrate?” The writer didn’t want …

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