ChumpLady.com

Leave a cheater, gain a life

Which Came First, The Dead Marriage or the Affair?

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Dear Chump Lady, I spend a lot of time thinking about the chicken and egg question — which  came first, the death of the marriage or the affair? My soon-to-be-ex said that it was never good from the beginning, (which would be 35 years ago). I know that isn’t true, but I don’t know when things started to go bad. […]

Dear Chump Lady, She changed him

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Dear Chump Lady, I want to first say that I am SERIOUSLY thankful for your blog. I found it a little too late, and pick-me danced too long, but once I found it, I suddenly found the courage to stay strong and give up on the ‘perfect family’ dream. When I found you, it was […]

Dear Chump Lady, He claims he still loves me

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Dear Chump Lady, You may have addressed this in the past. I’m leaving a partner of 43 years whom I’ve learned has been visiting prostitutes for years while claiming to still have loved me the entire time. Just writing that gives me a clue, however I would still value your feedback. Bonnie Dear Bonnie, I […]

Dear Chump Lady, Am I the toxic one?

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Dear Chump Lady: I’m not sure it’s possible to get through this nightmare of truth-trickling and gaslighting without picking up a maladaptive strategy or two. But I am really really ready to put them down now. From raking him about his movements to stalking his social media, I am starting to resemble the Eight Signs […]

Dear Chump Lady, I feel like she traded up

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Dear Chump Lady, I’m a multiple D-Day chump. Like many of us chumps I regularly engaged in the pick-me dance for my cake eater—talk about degrading. I’m approximately four months out from the last D-Day and it’s been two months since filing for divorce. I’ve been going to therapy and ingesting anti-depressant pills for the […]

UBT: Why Happy People Cheat

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I’m sure you’re all curious “Why Happy People Cheat.” ChumpPrincess sent me a link from the Good Men Project with that title. The UBT groaned, “Haven’t I regurgitated this bullshit before?” Probably. There are about a bazillion exact titles of Why Happy People Cheat on the interwebs, from the Atlantic Monthly to Psychology Today to Esther […]

Playing the Victim?

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Dear Chump Lady, During my shock of learning and trying to understand why he cheated on me, when I thought we had a great relationship (he was full of remorse after girlfriend #1 and begged for forgiveness..) — he is now leaving me for girlfriend #2. I have stated the obvious to him that what […]

Dear Chump Lady, The OW gave me a brownie plate

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Dear Chump Lady, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you cover this topic, and my fellow chumpy friends and I are mystified by this behavior… Schmoopie (the one that my husband/partner of 23 years left me for last year) gives ME (the chumpy ex-wife) gifts! What the…..? I have never met Schmoopie in person. She […]

“Do Cheaters All Work from the Same Script?”

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Dear Chump Lady, After faithfully reading this blog and thinking about all that we have been through I still have questions. 1. How did all of these cheaters from all over the world basically learn the same script? I read everyone’s posts and I keep hearing the same dialogue that I had with my ex. […]