ChumpLady.com

Leave a cheater, gain a life

Dear Chump Lady, He claims he still loves me

by

Dear Chump Lady, You may have addressed this in the past. I’m leaving a partner of 43 years whom I’ve learned has been visiting prostitutes for years while claiming to still have loved me the entire time. Just writing that gives me a clue, however I would still value your feedback. Bonnie Dear Bonnie, I […]

Dear Chump Lady, Am I the toxic one?

by

Dear Chump Lady: I’m not sure it’s possible to get through this nightmare of truth-trickling and gaslighting without picking up a maladaptive strategy or two. But I am really really ready to put them down now. From raking him about his movements to stalking his social media, I am starting to resemble the Eight Signs […]

Dear Chump Lady, I feel like she traded up

by

Dear Chump Lady, I’m a multiple D-Day chump. Like many of us chumps I regularly engaged in the pick-me dance for my cake eater—talk about degrading. I’m approximately four months out from the last D-Day and it’s been two months since filing for divorce. I’ve been going to therapy and ingesting anti-depressant pills for the […]

UBT: Why Happy People Cheat

by

I’m sure you’re all curious “Why Happy People Cheat.” ChumpPrincess sent me a link from the Good Men Project with that title. The UBT groaned, “Haven’t I regurgitated this bullshit before?” Probably. There are about a bazillion exact titles of Why Happy People Cheat on the interwebs, from the Atlantic Monthly to Psychology Today to Esther […]

Playing the Victim?

by

Dear Chump Lady, During my shock of learning and trying to understand why he cheated on me, when I thought we had a great relationship (he was full of remorse after girlfriend #1 and begged for forgiveness..) — he is now leaving me for girlfriend #2. I have stated the obvious to him that what […]

Dear Chump Lady, The OW gave me a brownie plate

by

Dear Chump Lady, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you cover this topic, and my fellow chumpy friends and I are mystified by this behavior… Schmoopie (the one that my husband/partner of 23 years left me for last year) gives ME (the chumpy ex-wife) gifts! What the…..? I have never met Schmoopie in person. She […]

“Do Cheaters All Work from the Same Script?”

by

Dear Chump Lady, After faithfully reading this blog and thinking about all that we have been through I still have questions. 1. How did all of these cheaters from all over the world basically learn the same script? I read everyone’s posts and I keep hearing the same dialogue that I had with my ex. […]

Out of Sight, Out of Mind

by

A common point of chump bafflement is why we attach so hard when cheaters detach so easily. I get some very, very long letters trying to untangle this particular skein. She told me she loved me, and texted the OM hearts and smileys 30 seconds later. He walked out on four children. I had cancer […]

What Do We See in Narcissists Anyway?

by

As much as I advise against untangling the skein of fuckupedness, we chumps (myself included) spend a lot of time decoding cheaters, narcissists, and the other assorted wing nuts in our lives. But really, the best policy once you’ve determined someone is toxic is to steer clear. File them under “Creep” and adjust your life […]