Dear Chump Lady, Have you ever addressed how to get past the feeling of revulsion or “ick” when you finally see the cheater for who they really are? I was involved with a cheating freak for 8 years. Very covert guy — likeable surgeon that always knew how to navigate social graces with well-placed humor […]
‘Maybe He Was Right About Me?’
Dear Chump Lady, I was totally blindsided by my husband a year ago. (Before D-Day I’d say we were a happy marriage, you heard it thousands of times…) He cheated, I was shocked (perfect life we had, right?), antidepressants, reconciliation, later it turns out he was still in contact with his co-worker, then he fell […]
He’ll Send Support If She’ll Send Naked Pictures
Hi Chump Lady, Thanks so much for your blog that always keeps me on track. I have been no contact for 6 months. The peace has been amazing. A few days ago I had to have contact. He found out I had filed for divorce 6 months ago and knew the date it would be […]
When You Need Cheater Twu Wuv to Fail
We’re all about Meh here at CN — that Promised Land of acceptance where the pain stops and you don’t really care what your cheater does any more, or with whom. That said, a lot of chumps wouldn’t mind an exit ramp to Schadenfreude. “D-Day was 6 months ago and I’m fine… I just want […]
What Do I Do with the Phantom Pain of Abandonment?
Dear Chump Lady, First, thank you. Your truth is like a laser ripping through the threads of the tangled skein I’ve struggled with for three years. I’m two years out from divorce after a torturous separation. I’m guilty of reality-bending, crippling doubt, doing the pick-me dance for ages — leading to self-loathing that took years […]
Did She Cheat Because She’s Bipolar?
Hi Chump Lady, You have a very unique perspective about infidelity that I appreciate, even though it directly contradicts everything I’ve tried to convince myself of to stay with my wife. My wife had an affair at work, literally at work, for almost a month. After she was forced to finally confess by taking her […]
‘He’s a Different Person Than I Used to Know’
Dear Chump Lady, The past several months have been some of the worst of my life. Three months after having a baby, I discovered that my husband had some sort of relationship with the 46-year-old neighbor across the street. We had just moved in and got married when I was pregnant, so he immediately started […]
Is He Gay? A Lost Soul? A Sex Addict?
Dear Chump Lady, I’m writing to you as I was forwarded your website by my therapist. I found myself in a shrink’s chair when I caught my husband out meeting a gay man he had found on Adam4Adam. My husband and I have been together for seven years, married for 2.3, separated since Valentines Day. […]
Cheater Doesn’t Understand Why Partner Is Reconciling with Him
Dear Chump Lady, I’ve cheated on almost every partner. My brain doesn register it properly and I usually just shutdown after and pull away. I cheated on my partner. I was a piece of shit going into the relationship and never took it seriously. Until one day the guilt consumed me. I entered therapy and […]
He Thinks He’s Done ‘Nothing Wrong’
Dear Chump Lady, I am a month out from D-Day. After noticing a bunch of suspicious late night phone calls, I “accidentally” saw some Instagram DMs from my husband to a co-worker (in which he referred to himself as “self-partnered” and sent a bunch of “miss you” messages with kissy-face emojis.) When I confronted him […]
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