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How Do You Get Past the Revulsion?

July 1, 2020 by Chump Lady

Dear Chump Lady, Have you ever addressed how to get past the feeling of revulsion or “ick” when you finally see the cheater for who they really are? I was involved with a cheating freak for 8 years. Very covert guy — likeable surgeon that always knew how to navigate social graces with well-placed humor […]

Filed Under: Trust that they suck, Untangling the skein of fuckupedness Tagged With: Double life, Trust That They Suck

‘Maybe He Was Right About Me?’

June 8, 2020 by Chump Lady

Dear Chump Lady, I was totally blindsided by my husband a year ago. (Before D-Day I’d say we were a happy marriage, you heard it thousands of times…) He cheated, I was shocked (perfect life we had, right?), antidepressants, reconciliation, later it turns out he was still in contact with his co-worker, then he fell […]

Filed Under: Blameshifting, Trust that they suck, Untangling the skein of fuckupedness Tagged With: Blameshifting

He’ll Send Support If She’ll Send Naked Pictures

June 4, 2020 by Chump Lady

Hi Chump Lady, Thanks so much for your blog that always keeps me on track. I have been no contact for 6 months. The peace has been amazing. A few days ago I had to have contact. He found out I had filed for divorce 6 months ago and knew the date it would be […]

Filed Under: Divorce, No contact, Untangling the skein of fuckupedness Tagged With: exortion, Revenge porn

When You Need Cheater Twu Wuv to Fail

May 12, 2020 by Chump Lady

Voodoo doll

We’re all about Meh here at CN — that Promised Land of acceptance where the pain stops and you don’t really care what your cheater does any more, or with whom. That said, a lot of chumps wouldn’t mind an exit ramp to Schadenfreude. “D-Day was 6 months ago and I’m fine… I just want […]

Filed Under: Trust that they suck, Untangling the skein of fuckupedness Tagged With: karma

What Do I Do with the Phantom Pain of Abandonment?

March 18, 2020 by Chump Lady

broken heart

Dear Chump Lady, First, thank you. Your truth is like a laser ripping through the threads of the tangled skein I’ve struggled with for three years. I’m two years out from divorce after a torturous separation. I’m guilty of reality-bending, crippling doubt, doing the pick-me dance for ages — leading to self-loathing that took years […]

Filed Under: Abandonment, Untangling the skein of fuckupedness Tagged With: Trust That They Suck, Untangling the Skein

Did She Cheat Because She’s Bipolar?

March 16, 2020 by Chump Lady

Untangling the skein of fuckupedness

Hi Chump Lady, You have a very unique perspective about infidelity that I appreciate, even though it directly contradicts everything I’ve tried to convince myself of to stay with my wife. My wife had an affair at work, literally at work, for almost a month. After she was forced to finally confess by taking her […]

Filed Under: Untangling the skein of fuckupedness Tagged With: Bipolar, Personality disorder

‘He’s a Different Person Than I Used to Know’

March 2, 2020 by Chump Lady

Serial cheater

Dear Chump Lady, The past several months have been some of the worst of my life. Three months after having a baby, I discovered that my husband had some sort of relationship with the 46-year-old neighbor across the street. We had just moved in and got married when I was pregnant, so he immediately started […]

Filed Under: Deception, Divorce, Early days after discovery, Untangling the skein of fuckupedness Tagged With: Untangling the Skein

Is He Gay? A Lost Soul? A Sex Addict?

February 27, 2020 by Chump Lady

Untangling the skein of fuckupedness

Dear Chump Lady, I’m writing to you as I was forwarded your website by my therapist. I found myself in a shrink’s chair when I caught my husband out meeting a gay man he had found on Adam4Adam. My husband and I have been together for seven years, married for 2.3, separated since Valentines Day. […]

Filed Under: Gay cheating, Untangling the skein of fuckupedness Tagged With: Blameshifting, Gay husband, Untangling the Skein

Cheater Doesn’t Understand Why Partner Is Reconciling with Him

February 24, 2020 by Chump Lady

Dear Chump Lady, I’ve cheated on almost every partner. My brain doesn register it properly and I usually just shutdown after and pull away. I cheated on my partner. I was a piece of shit going into the relationship and never took it seriously. Until one day the guilt consumed me. I entered therapy and […]

Filed Under: Genuine Imitation Naugahyde Remorse, Untangling the skein of fuckupedness Tagged With: Cheater introspection

He Thinks He’s Done ‘Nothing Wrong’

February 4, 2020 by Chump Lady

Mindfuck blender

Dear Chump Lady, I am a month out from D-Day. After noticing a bunch of suspicious late night phone calls, I “accidentally” saw some Instagram DMs from my husband to a co-worker (in which he referred to himself as “self-partnered” and sent a bunch of “miss you” messages with kissy-face emojis.) When I confronted him […]

Filed Under: Genuine Imitation Naugahyde Remorse, Trust that they suck, Untangling the skein of fuckupedness Tagged With: Not Sorry

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