Category: What Not to Do

don't touch

She Admitted to Cheating, Then We Had Great Sex… WTF?

Good Morning Chump Lady, I am probably going to word vomit on you, as I am still completely and utterly shocked. So I apologize in …

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leave a cheater

How Do You Confront a Cheater?

Dear Chump Lady, When you discover cheating, how do you break the news? I’m a strong person. I help domestic violence victims, I have an …

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Muffin top

5 Things NOT to Do When You Discover Cheating

Very few people navigate chumpdom gracefully. Accept that you’re going to wobble and fail sometimes. It’s okay. The goal, upon finding out that you’ve been …

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no contact

Returning to Caretake a Cheater Late in Life?

Dear Chump Lady, Yesterday I was speaking with a friend of mine who is now 82 and she mentioned she had moved to the nearby …

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cyclops lonely

Fix Your Picker Tips

Hey, it’s Friday and maybe you have a date this weekend. Or a bad rash just thinking about dating. Or maybe there’s still a cheater …

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‘I Trolled the Other Woman’

Hello Chump Lady, I screwed up. I fed the beast. I know you say “If it feels good, don’t do it,” but I confronted my …

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lies

6 Ways to Respond (or Not) to Character Assassination

A lot of my Chump Lady mail can be divided into two categories, “I got chumped… what are people going to think?” and “I got chumped… …

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Avoid feelings of paralysis

Lies Are Exhausting

A primer in mindfuckery today — exhaustion as manipulation tactic. If you’re a cheater and you want your chump to back off? Keep ’em running …

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chasing unicorn

‘I’m Trying to Show Her the Guy She Fell in Love With’

Hi Chump Lady, Great website!  I just discovered last Sunday that my wife of 13 years has been cheating on me with “some one she …

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Narcissist Goldfish

Worst Infidelity Advice Ever?

Sometimes you need a good example of a bad example. After you’ve been cheated on, a lot of the advice out there is atrocious, like don’t …

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Husband Cheated. Mother Disappointed in ‘Us’

Dear Chump Lady, I am about to embark on a separation, which most of the time I feel is leading to divorce (I live in …

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How to Save Your Marriage After Infidelity

(No, not really. I’m just trying to mess with Google Analytics today.) Many people tell me they wish they’d found Chump Lady sooner, before their ex …

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maintain your dignity

If It Feels Good — Don’t Do It

Psssst! I have a little secret to lay on you…. People are not interested in your messy divorce. Okay, maybe your parents and closest friend. Certainly …

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broken heart

Dear Chump Lady, Am I the toxic one?

Dear Chump Lady: I’m not sure it’s possible to get through this nightmare of truth-trickling and gaslighting without picking up a maladaptive strategy or two. …

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The Futility of Confronting Affair Partners

Here’s a rookie chump mistake — confronting affair partners. Maybe you did this. Maybe you agonized about doing this. Maybe you’re still waiting to come …

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maintain your dignity

Dear Chump Lady, When does the pain stop?

Dear Chump Lady, Tonight is a hard night for some reason. It has been 11 months since D-Day. And since then stories of other affairs …

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Dear Chump Lady, He shoveled my snow, so he cares?

Dear Chump Lady, Situation:  I had a feeling that my husband of 8 years messed around with my best friend on New Year’s.  I was …

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UBT: ‘Our Marriage Was Already Over’

Here’s some one-size-fits-all cheater bullshit for you — “Our marriage was already over.” Cheaters say it to affair partners, “We’re all but divorced!” “We’re separated!” …

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Dear Chump Lady, He wants me back

Hi Chump Lady, Thanks in large part to a daily diet of your advice, things have gotten pretty good for me recently. I’m almost at …

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The Unicorn of Reconciliation

Financial Abuse and Your D-Day

Today’s guest post is by Vickie Adams, a certified financial planner / certified divorce financial analyst discussing the financial risks post-D-Day. (Men, this advice goes for …

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