Category: What Not to Do

The Unicorn of Reconciliation

Financial Abuse and Your D-Day

Today’s guest post is by Vickie Adams, a certified financial planner / certified divorce financial analyst discussing the financial risks post-D-Day. (Men, this advice goes for …

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Dear Chump Lady, Help, I slept with my ex!

Dear Chump Lady, I have been an absolute idiot and an asshole. For almost one year after X and I split (we hadn’t gotten married …

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Waiting for karma

Dear Chump Lady, I can’t get over being replaced

Dear Chump Lady, I was chumped big time. My once sweet, loving husband left me for a girl at work. Problem is, it was a …

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Cheater Warning Signs?

Wouldn’t it be nice if every toxic person just came with a giant forehead tattoo? Then you could really sort the wheat from the chaff. …

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When You’re the Parent in the Relationship

One common thread I see running through a lot of stories here is that the chump is takes a parental role in the relationship. Gah! …

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Dear Chump Lady, Sex with the STBX just to mess with him?

Dear Chump Lady, What do you think of sex with the STBX? I’ve lost weight and am looking pretty good. I want him to see …

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Dear Chump Lady, I’m an ex-Marine chump

Dear Chump Lady, Here’s my story and I’ll try to keep it short. I married my high school sweetheart and we’ve been married for almost 20 …

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Dear Chump Lady, Hysterical bonding… WTF?!

Dear Chump Lady, Why hasn’t anyone mentioned hysterical bonding related to finding out about adultery? I am a recent chump. I found out 30 days …

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Dear Chump Lady, Did I do a bad thing?

Dear Chump Lady, My ex got involved with my daughter’s hockey coach. It lasted a year. I discovered months of “I love you more and …

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Dear Chump Lady, Any advice for a new chump?

Dear Chump Lady, I am a new chump. As in my wound is so raw that I don’t think I’ve entered any significant stage of …

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The Futility of Confronting Affair Partners

Here’s a common chump mistake — confronting the affair partner(s). Maybe you did this. Maybe you agonized about doing this. Maybe you’re still waiting to …

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Dear Chump Lady, Sex with the STBX?

Dear Chump Lady, What do you think of sex with the STBX? I’ve lost weight and am looking pretty good. I want him to see …

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‘Kids Are Resilient!’ and Other Things Cheaters Should Never Say

Here’s a familiar scenario: A chump, distraught over impending divorce, will worry about the kids. Invariably, the cheater blithely says, “Oh, don’t worry about the …

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The Compassion Trap

“What we want most is only to be held…and told…that everything (everything is a funny thing, is baby milk and Papa’s eyes, is roaring logs …

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Grieving the Affair Partner, Don’t Make Any Decisions! and Other Nonsense

Oh Tammy, Tammy, Tammy. I’d taken a break from commenting over at HuffPo Divorce for a couple weeks. Just general life business and sorting things …

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I just discovered I was cheated on. Now what?

If you just discovered you’ve been cheated on, your job right now is to take very good care of yourself. You’re in shock. Most likely …

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What NOT to do

Very few people navigate this crap gracefully. Accept that you’re going to wobble and fail sometimes. It’s okay. The goal here, upon finding out that …

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