Dear Chump Lady, I’m the OW and I’m terrified he will cheat on me
Dear Chump Lady,
I am probably the biggest chump of all, but here goes… I was married for 21 years and had an affair (the only one) with a married man I work with, who had been married for 17 years.
He said I’m number 8 for him. He told me about all of them — even about sleeping with his wife’s best friend (who also happens to be his best friend’s wife and neighbor). My naiveté made me believe that it was a one time thing. He told me it went on for 15 years! I can’t even begin to wrap my head around that, but I am still with him.
He also told me he went to a strip club when he was away for work for a month and picked up a stripper — also that she stayed with him the entire time he was there. We both divorced our spouses and are living together, but as you can probably guess it’s not good. I obviously don’t trust him and a lot of times can’t stop thinking about his past. It makes me want to vomit. I am terrified he will cheat on me — he said he won’t of course. AM I THE BIGGEST CHUMP OF ALL?
DB
Dear DB,
No. You’re not a chump at all. You’re the victor in the fuckwit Thunderdome. You’ve beat out the competition and won the sparkly turd, DB. No tag backs. He’s all yours.
If Chump Nation wonders why I run these OW letters (which invariably devolve into troll fests) consider them a public service announcement — this is what winning the Pick Me Dance looks like.
The obvious but nauseating realization that you’re not special? Check.
Twitchy, mind-bending hypervigilance? Check.
Living together (presumably between strippers), clinging to the facade of your shitty relationship, to prove that annihilating two families was worth it? Check.
DB, I’m sorry. You competed for this Dreamboat with the full knowledge of who he is. Regretting your decision doesn’t make you a chump.
Perhaps you think being a chump means making stupid relationship decisions. Or having the kind of piss poor self-esteem that allows a person to tolerate fuckwits. Let’s be clear on the concept. Chumps are UNKNOWING. They are duped, lied to, humiliated, used, conspired against, conned. You are none of those things. You knew exactly what you were getting — a cheater. You’re a cheater. He’s a cheater. You aren’t us. Chumps are acted UPON, they are not the actors. Chumps do not consent to be chumps. You, on the other hand, signed up for this shit.
Ergo — you are not the victim here. You’re Number 8. One idiot in a long line of idiots.
So now you’re terrified that he’ll do to you what you were complicit in doing to another? And you want MY sympathy? Who the fuck do you think you are?
Look, I’m an actual chump, so part of me feels bad ripping you to shreds for reaching out to me. You has a sadz and maybe I can help. But then I bitchslap myself, because post-infidelity Tracy has zero tolerance for your kind of malignant entitlement.
Entitlement? Yeah, the kind of chutzpah that writes “I had an affair (the only one)…” You want a bitch cookie? Tell it to the guy who lost 21 years of his life to a cheater (YOU). You’re scared shitless that Mr. Wonderful MIGHT do to you what you actually DID to your ex-husband. Meditate on that.
Or how about the entitlement that led you to fuck a married co-worker? Did you consider his chump wife? Let me guess — she didn’t Sufficiently Appreciate Him. Compelled him to fuck those strippers and her best friend, huh? She must’ve deserved it. Unlike YOU there Sparkletwat. Best of luck with all your super specialness. Hope it serves as a magic barrier against STDs.
DB, it takes some gobsmacking gall to come on a support site for chumps when you’re the OW. I’m sorry that merely thinking of being betrayed makes you “want to vomit.” (Actually betraying chumps, however, must be just tickety boo.) How hard it is to be you.
I’d hate for your visit to Chump Nation to be for naught, as you wanted advice and all, so here’s some:
Regular pap smears.
Good luck.
The good news here is that mature grown ups don’t have to stay in relationships when we don’t want to. Part of me hopes you cheat on this new guy, he deserves it. Then again he probably won’t care too much because cheaters don’t seem to get too attached to those around them. Good luck with that.
Just gotta get this off my chest—
Do the initials DB stand for DUMB B*TCH?
or maybe she should change her name to KARMA… …..GOOD LUCK TO HER..not bwahahahhahaaaaa
No….Douche Bag
Just gotta get this off my chest—
Do the initials DB stand for DUMB B*TCH?
I don’t know. This one seems pretty attached. Or maybe she is just sensing that she might be losing her douchebag winner crown to a new rival.
She’s not attached to him, she’s attached to the idea of being special. Suddenly she might not be so special after all! The horror! She’lol fling herself after the next man who makes her feel special and blame it all on her cheating ex for treating her so badly. Pity party at 9:00. Stay tuned:
She’s probably experiencing the ‘devalue’ stage and realizes she’s not special after all. It’s inevitable.
Has no one else done the math? He started cheating on his wife after just TWO YEARS OF MARRIAGE. That’s when everything is still supposed to be sunshine and roses. You really think he’s going to be faithful with the devastation of two households imploding?
mine cheated on me before our 1st anniversary….before he even let me buy him a wedding ring….I’m sure that SPARKLETWAT HATED seeing that ring on him….who am I kidding he took it off. {forehead smack}
Mine started cheating on me a year before we got married and continued the affair for 6 years until I found out. They’re still together.
Ohhhh I hope they are together. She has 5 kids and he was ready to be done w kids. Let us only hope karma gets him
Maybe she thought this was true love. It’s ok to lie and cheat for love, right? Now she has her sparkly turd.
Wow #chumplady #deep
mic drop
No more words
I REALLY needed to read this response today from chump lady! I am in tears of laughter!! “sparkle twat”. OMG!
But this person asking the questions is seriously asking for it with that letter on this site 😉
Oh, and this letter reeks of Jerry springer type shit..
I don’t know how she does it- she nails it every time. This is just the most spot-on response.
Tracy, you’re awesome. Thank you.
Hmm…let’s see…Karma is a bitch and hope you get yours..
The funny thing is that final OW is a yoga instructor and on her 5 or so yoga FB pahes she aaaaaalways posts things like corny sayings and pics about karma…
Doesnt she get that if karma would be real it would NOT be a good thing for her?? Like this letter shows how they might really be oblivious about what their actions inflict.
My cheater X had a best friend whose wife was cheating on him. It was so F’d up: My cheater X was giving his best friend advice on how to handle his cheating wife. Cheater X even had the audacity to ask ME if I would speak to the cheating wife, you know, to try and figure out what was going on with her. I told Cheater X, “why don’t YOU talk with her, you’re the one cheating, you of all people should understand what’s going on with her”. It’s absolutely mind blowing how detached and unaware these narcs are. They each think of themselves as having unique and exceptional circumstances… they’re not cheaters… they’re special.
Oh yeah so true. My liar in chief listened to everyone elses sad marriage probs . Taking time to recant every detail so it would sound like he was some sort of guru for counseling. .. unfortunately for me he was already planning his escape from our “bad” marriage. ..but didnt think to tell me …. i think this is their opportunity to get the script.
So my husband had this work friend who he would occasionally hang out with. He had a pretty wife and three small children. Pretty wife was an ex addicted and ended up spiraling down into pills really bad. She wrecked their finances, totaled their car, got arrested and sent to rehab out of state where she cheated on work friend with a number of junkies.
My husband would come home and tell me all the gossip, play by play how their relationship was crumbling because work friend’s wife was a cheater, was a junky, work friend deserved better and he’s broke and falling apart and….
The entire time he was calling friend’s wife a junkie whore, my husband had a pill addiction and was in a long term affair with a different little work friend.
My X actually named his new cat Karma. I feel sorry for it though. He never really liked cats, and apparently treats this one pretty badly.
Thankful If your x treats the poor cat badly, report him to animal rescue or find it a better Home.
Cheater doesn’t deserve a wonderful loving pet
F—k him!
May your cheater’s cat Karma be related to my cat.
This of you here long enough to have read about my cat know that’s pretty much a threat to your cheater.
OMG! My ex’s Skank Ho posted all about KARMA! WTF? She didn’t get it? She fancied herself SO full of Karma Co existence crap. So wise—– Yuk
hehe yes same thing!!!! she calls herself spiritual and a yogi and lots of stupid yoga peace whatthefuckever talk… i still hate her but in a way i can kinda sorta laugh about how fucking stupid she is, so i guess thats progress…
hey they are kina like jesus cheaters!!! same thing, sooo spiritual, enlighted and above all of us LOL
In that order????????????
A friend wrote, (or repeated)
Here about the new restaurant called Karma? It has no menu….you get what you deserve..
Hi my name is Karma and I’m a big ole bitch !
Dear Tracey SLAM DUNK !!! Reading your response makes me feel elated thank you for speaking up for us true chumps ????????????
Fuckwit thunderdome..loving it! Your colorful use of my favorite cuss words make me think you are from my block back home for real..thank you so much..made my day
“Malignant entitlement” oh, ChumpLady, you stellar wordsmith, you!
And, thanks, DB, but this is neither your tribe nor your safe zone. You are persona non grata, here, where actual honest people are lifted out of and away from your cooterstench. Reap on! Don’t let the screendoor hit ya where the good lord split ya.
Oh Jesus fuck. Don’t let the screen door hit yah where the good Lord split yah. Bravo bravo bravo.
I also really liked “winner in the fuckwit Thunderdome.” ????????????
Fuckwit Thunderdome: Three people enter, one lucky chump leaves
We must stop. I’m laughing so hard I fear I won’t be able to catch my breath.
Chump Nation Lexicon.
Cooterstench!!! Help! My belly is hurting!
Love it, Diva!
Too bad I hadn’t met you in my pre-D-Day days, when chumpy me actually noted to cheater that his breath smelled different and joked scientifically about its origin, that he had received a transplant of some foreign vaginal microbiota.
Cheater was really miffed about that joke, he pouted around the whole day.
So it’s really called cooterstench HA!
My word! The terms I learn here at Chump Nation. Malignant entitlement. Cooterstench.
And thinking scientifically, since this DB creature is number 8 she probably has LOTS of microbial mixing going on that does make for a pretty good stench.
Regular Pap smears are indeed in order. Very kind of Chump Lady, DB, take her good advice for the good of Public Health.
There was a thread not long ago when so many checked in about the cheater smell changing dramatically while cheating. I experienced this myself when my cheater’s nreath smelled like ammonia or acetone…it made me sick to mu stomach! Worst in bed at night. I think it’s promal warning systems, personally.
Cooterstench just came to me as I read DB8’s letter. CN is an inspiring environment!
Mine completely smelled different! His truck smelled like her also! (His excuse was his buddy wears too much cologne) I could smell Her disgusting whore perfume smell a mile away. His clothes made my clothes smell like her if I washed them together. My son’s clothes smelled like her Skank smell when I washed them together. EWW YUCK—– So now with time having passed, when my son brings his stuff back from staying with Dad, even though Dad does not live with her, I still know the smell and it is still there— but I am over it. It just is what it is. It might be certain cleaners she introduced him too, her doing his laundry, lotions she infects his space with from rubbing off on things—stuff like that brought into the mix because I can’t imagine just perfume permeating things like that.
Ugh typos! Breath…..my…
optimal
ClearWaters
Don’t forget Sparkletwat! ????
My cheater developed stinky bum breath during marriage. ugh *shudders*
Cooterstench! Reap on! I think I love you ChumpDiva. ????
Beth,
They reap what they ho…
Oh, yes, I did.
Lol! Love you too!
Stop it! I’m at work and I’m laughing so hard I have tears. 😀 😀 😀
Bwahahahahaha!!!!! ROTFLMAO!!!!
This is all about character isn’t it.
DB thinks it’s alright to cheat because she did, so she knows her current man ( a serial cheater ) will do it again. She knows you can’t trust what cheaters say because they lie ( she did to her husband too ) so she knows her cheater man is lying.
Tough shit as they say. Karma. Consequences. Perfect.
Yeah, but their cheating was all different and special and stuff because reasons and what not.
She deserves every second of this emotional hell, which she brought upon herself.
Nanki poo….love how you put that! …because reasons and what not!
Laughter Laughter Laughter!
“Yeah, but their cheating was all different and special and stuff because reasons and what not.”
BAHAHA You made my day, Nanki Poo!
Hahahaha….”their cheating was all different and special and stuff because reasons and what not!”
Standing ovation to you CL! My advice to DB? Enjoy that bed you made of lies and deceit and destruction of family and friends because you’ve earned the disrespect of CN that comes with it. My 32 years of marriage was blown apart by someone who was an employee who serviced the father of my children while attending family functions at my house . She just smiled while they skimmed off money for their double life. DB, you go live like chumps do: get tested for STDs, sit in the dark so you can pay electricity, comfort your children about the loss of their family unit , put on a happy face for your grandchildren when they ask why gramma had to move , endure the pain and exhaustion of grief work. Yup, good times curtesy of OW. Go pound sand .
Hey, that OW sounds awfully familiar. They “skimmed off” thousands upon thousands together: house, furniture, antiques, art, private chef, wine collection, you name it. But if I bought clothes for the kiddos or supplies for their team parties? Why, it was all, “Cashmere is so irresponsible with money.” Yup. That spending on the actual family sure does interfere with the double life. Once, I took some of my own paltry bit of money and popped it into DS’s checking so he could have a little extra spending money in college. Got an *immediate* complaint call from the fuckwit. After that, I sent the kid cash. Sheesh, yeah. Begrudge the college kid pizza and gas, but go crazy with those dinners prepared by a private chef. Sigh.
So glad to be living a life free of that disorder. #blessed.
In a similar vein, a Switzerland poseur, a medical professional I have had to see regularly this summer is creeping me out. When I shared about my very recent separation & the reason, his comment was. “Well, you know us men…” trailing back off into the nothingness from which such drivel comes. Red flag! That was 2 or 3 visits ago. Now I think he’s trying to hit on me, and even scheduled extra appointments that don’t seem necessary now. Really???!! Ugh! Why in God’s name would I ever switch roles to become the skank I despise? It appears he’s JAFC (Just Another Fucking Cheater) who thinks he can take advantage of a chump. So glad I don’t think like them!
Tracy, you provide so much to us of CN:
~ sane, salty guidance that empowers us
~ safe haven from a culture that no longer rejects narc perpetrators and often even blames Chumps for cheaters’ cheating
~ clear, consistent boundaries & how to create/maintain/defend our own!
~ excellent education & references about cheater/narc habits, justifications, tells, patterns to help us spot the signs
~ a great example of post-chump devastation & recovery in reclaiming list selves/places/experiences with joy!
~ courage to call abuse and torure by their actual names, thereby validating our pain, opening the way to
~ fuckwits, fucktards, so many f bomb delights!
Thank you, Tracy. You’ve saved my chumpy life!
Tell that “well you know us men” to all the men who have been cheated on by their whore wives—- For every cheating man there is a either cheating woman or a woman who knows she is with a cheater. I have a non cheating Dad who has been married to my Mom for 72 years, and four non-cheating brothers (one who was cheated on by his first wife). All non-cheating nephews as well (so far—-time will tell, I probably shouldn’t be too confident on the 100% track record 🙂
YIKES LongingforMeh-Ca!!! It sounds like my STBX might be your doctor! (Do you live in NV — be careful…). 😉
Can you see a different medical professional or are you stuck with this one due to availability and/or insurance/other? If he is creeping you out it might be time to avoid him if at all possible.
Hear hear!
That’s all I wanted to say, but it was too short.
What BS. Only cheaters cheat. Not all men are douchebags, just those who rationalize their magic members’ naughty habits.
Yep. This. I know women outnumber men on this site, but the statistics show that men and women cheat at about the same rate, with men nudging a bit ahead of the women.
There loads of non-cheating men (and women!) out there. Once we’ve lost our cheater and start gaining our lives, we just need to fix our pickers so we don’t become attracted to the same people we just ditched.
I, for one, will never forget meeting one of my neighbors, a 92-year-old man who walks 2 miles each day when the weather permits (i.e. not slippery). He’s lost a lot of his hearing, but he told me that he’s been married to his wife for 72 years (yep, she’s alive), saying, “We suit each other!”
What a great reminder that love and marriage can stand up to time!
OMG, love the troll vomiting up a rainbow!
As has been said here before: “the best gift you can give a cheater is another cheater.” This letter is such a great illustration of why chumps shouldn’t fret over how “wonderful” Mr. and Mrs. Cheater McCheaterson’s new lives are (according to Facebook of course). This is what they live with every day and really who could ask for Karma more sweet than that?
I found out my ex married the OW after we divorced. This was after a 3 year attempt at wreckconciliation which in retrospect makes that attempt even more wrecked. Anyway the news of their blessed nuptials had an odd effect on me. A sense of calm and serenity washed over me as I began to imagine what it would be like to be discarded after my ex decided to “work things out” with me and then have him run back when I told him I wanted a divorce. My ex was never thrilled that she went back to her husband during our wreckconciliation because I guess he thought she should hang around, pine over him and remain celibate until he threw her another crumb. Cue a lifetime of pick me dancing.
Romantic isn’t it? I guess my advice to all OW/OM is good luck with that!
Cheaterssuck
I won’t have to worry about my STBX coming back because not only did I write the OW a letter letting her know what she has, but I decided to include her parents and let them know what she is shacking up with. He is narcissit that mindfucked me for five years. When will this pain go away??? The OW is posting pictures on Facebook.
He was so pissed that I wrote the letter to her parents that he texted me and said, it is over. Then he said, he was done with me as well. I’m not going to be second best.
Now the XMW who is now the OW can live with the pictures in her mind when my STBX was having sex with me and the OW, not to mention constantly worrying if he will cheat again. But hey let’s just say the asshole will never respect or love you because he is a narcissit
My deadcheaters OW thought herself a Chump too, from what I gathered. Her boyfriend/fiance cheated on her then she took up with my husband who was supposedly “fair game” since our marriage was “already over”.
Funny how one would still have to sneak around and lie to hide a relationship if a marriage were “already over”. Oh yea, we still LIVED TOGETHER AS A FAMILY….husband/wife in same bed, 3 kids with lunch boxes and stuff, family dog and minivan…you know the stuff of suburban marriage and family.
But somehow I deserved for them to lie to me to extend business trips so that they could fuck in hotel rooms paid for my the US Government and her employer while I drove his son named after his father to hockey.
She was no Chump, she was a selfish shrew liar.
unicorn-
My stbxh loved that phrase to, “all ready separated.” He would try to justify the hidden relationships that intermingled with his attempts to gain me back and “reconcile our family.”
No. No. No. No.
You don’t hide things (or relationships) that you are proud of.
According to my STBX’s spin our marriage had been over for years. My son called STBX a liar and faker, so now he’s rationalized faking happiness during our “marital troubles” so that the kids, family, and friends wouldn’t know what was going on. He’s conveniently forgotten that he didn’t let me in on our troubles!
We’re still married. No paperwork in progress. He’s shacking up with his “friend”. Totally upset about being shunned by his children, and just cannot fathom why they aren’t happy with him. The tales he’s spinning of what he’d like the history books to read just aren’t working for them.
I suspect that he’ll stay with her until she’s figured out how much of a dud he really is.
Quick, divorce him before she catches on!!!
Absolutely. I feel compelled to agree. If you are unsure, keep coming back and keep reading the stories of others.
FooledMeTwice–You can file the paperwork; don’t need to wait for cheater (or it will never happen & you’ll end up in never-ending limbo hell).
Ex’s Schmoopie was cheated on by her ex husband. I guess he told me that so I would have sympathy for her. It actually just made me hate her more. She knew exactly how much pain she was putting me through. She also knew I still loved him and wanted to reconcile, but she still went out of her way to “win” him because she decided she was special and deserved love more than I did. I can only hope she someday gets the kind of Karma this woman is getting. I don’t know if he will cheat on her or not (right now he is still starry eyed over her), but he still isn’t going to be happy and she will still have to deal with living with a man who is perpetually dissatisfied with life, even if he isn’t blaming her for it. That tends to bring you down after a while. Also, he still has just enough feelings for me that it will drive her crazy even if he has clearly chosen her and there is no chance of us getting back together again. It will be a constant reminder of what she destroyed and she will always have to fret over whether or not she was really worth it and if he might regret it someday.
I would also settle for her cheating on and leaving ex so that he gets hit with the Karma bus. Then maybe he can find some new woman (after a few months of IC) who I might actually like and with whom I can be friends. That’s my fantasy.
Yes, Nowdeadcheater one time REALLY tried to drive home the idea that I should have compassion for the OW because “She was CHEATED ON!!” completely ignoring the cheating-on which he did to create the cluster-fuck we were in.
What I really wish I would have done is to have waited just until OW was married and pregnant then (acting like I had no idea of OWs circumstances) tell NDC that I really tried at our wreckonciliation but I just couldnt make a go of it and he was free to go do whatever.
I feel the same way. I can’t fathom even saying hello to the affair partner turned husband. He represents everything my ex and I (I thought) were trying to raise our 3 boys to reject in their lives. I secretly hope the day comes where their quicksand fake lives collapse under it’s own weight and she has to do the work of finding a legitimate partner who isn’t made of glitter covered diarrhea. I might shake that guys hand. Until then I’ll just keep explaining to my boys that no, their soul mate will never be someone else’s spouse.
I love this version of a sparkly turd – glitter-covered diarrhoea! No need to be friendly with that man, and I feel the pain of having him in your boys’ life. At least mine rarely have to see their former music teacher / now stepmother. They have zero respect for her and consider her an idiot.
Oh, yes, the “They weren’t REALLY married, they just acted like they were.” How well I know that bullshit, because that was OW’s mantra to all who would listen, and many did. It sure was news to me all those times we were laying in bed sharing our dreams for the future, raising kids, cooking, laughing, crying, burying loved ones, watching our lives unfold together, you know, like married people do.
“My” OW was also married and this letter could have been written by her (except my X wasn’t as gross as this guy). What she doesn’t want to admit is that she chumped herself! She is where she is because of the decisions she has made. She is not the victim, but instead, went into this with her “eyes wide shut.” She saw precisely what she wanted to see because it enabled her to fuck over the people who loved her. After all, doesn’t true love prevail?
I do have some advice for her, though. Run, run as fast as you can. Leave this guy immediately! Your misery is only beginning. Fuck with you, fuck on you. Stem the blood flow now. Admit that you have hurt many, many innocent people. Apologize, but do not expect that anyone will believe a word you say. Look inside yourself to see why you are so damaged that you think it is morally permissible to intentionally hurt other people to satisfy your own selfish whims. Know better, do better.
Do I expect this LW to follow my advice? No, because it has been my experience that people like her are unable to admit that they bear any responsibility for the damage they have caused. Lacking insight into how their own conduct has contributed to their situation, such people constantly look for someone else to blame. This lack of insight will keep this woman, and others like her, locked in a cycle of deflection, denial and victimization. The keys to unlock the door of her self-imposed anxiety are in her hands. She is the only one who can use them. But if she thinks for one second that the cheater she has thrown all away for will ever change, she is delusional.
There is shame that leads to indignation, and there is shame that leads to repentance.
Well said Violet!
DB
You believe it’s eight? Try double or triple that number. Imagine the devience it takes to have a fifteen year affair on an unsuspecting loyal spouse.
Your remorse (karma) isn’t for the families the two of you blew up. It’s the realization you earned what you’re stuck with. And I wonder if you were the one that took part in the fifteen year affair. My chunky feelers think ‘yes’.
A number. That’s what you are feeling right now. Your math needs a touch up. Keep him close. You earne every last ounce of pairing up with a serial cheater.
“A hole is a hole is a hole” to quote Patti Stanger, a real classy broad.
You’re one of many
Hey #8, he cheated on his wife with his best friend’s wife for FIFTEEN YEARS and you wonder whether he’s cheating on you? Eighth in a line of fuck buddies? Hahahaha. You really are a special kind of stupid, aren’t you? I hope that if you’re collecting any spousal support from your ex (AKA actual Chump) he can get the order terminated on the grounds that you are cohabiting with your partner in crime. Now that would be some Karma!
I thought maybe db’s letter would give some insight into stbx’s whore but instead it made me realize there is nothing worthwhile there. DB doesn’t mention any regret over the cheating and discard of her x. The only concern is her and keeping her sparkly turd.
After whore’s deposition, I thought why would Stbx make her go through that and why would she put up with that? All he would have to do is say: yes I had an affair and there would have been no need for that. Yes, they partner’s in crime and looking out only for themselves.
She is his sparkly turd too. Inevitably, the sparkle will probably wear off of one or both and then it will be time to go after a new one. In the meantime, they can revel in a shallow relationship full of new and fresh sex (until it isn’t)
Feelingit,
Why would he make her go through the deposition you ask ?? DRAMA and lots of it is like sweet sweet candy to a Narc. His new schmoopie is having to fight for her love of him–how wonderful is that ?? Also seeing her testimony causing you pain is sweet for him because you deserve to suffer because of all the things that you did to him..he can’t say exact what “things” but “things” and you made him unhappy (actual statement by my ex during the divorce).
He can’t say exactly what things you did to make him unhappy but you did things. The same bs I got LGator!
I wonder if current ho-wife’s suddenly frequent travels and night-time absences (as reported by my kids) are making him unhappy now. ????
He put her through that for the same reason he is putting you through a high conflict divorce. People have no real value to him.
“People have no real value to him.” Simple but profound. Thanks for that!
It also shows his power over her and that she will do anything for him. You can be sure there is no reciprocity there>
It’s called KARMA, and it’s pronounced “haha f*ck you!
“The VICTOR in the fuckwit Thunderdome!”
GOLDEN.
Listen #8
May #8 and her cheating cheater enjoy living in the kitty litter box they deserve.
It seems like cheaters think in their brain that they are a victim of something. I guess it helps them to rationalize their cheating. My cheater wife has proclaimed over and over “Yeah I cheated but I’m not a bad person !” Originally I thought she was trying to convince ME, now I think she is trying to convince HERSELF.
this is true, mine abandoned us and then became a devout christian
I am so sorry you had to go through that, nomar. There are few things in this world more disgusting than someone using religion as a perfect cover for their image management.
I usually don’t judge another’s spiritual state but I sure will in this case!
I have felt spiritual conviction in my life and believe me, it takes you low, low, low. If he is not showing real sorrow toward you ( as in being grateful to lick the gravel upon which you tread) I am VERY suspicious of his devout Christianity.
Jackassery, all of it. Appallingly Disgusting.
I mean *nodancing. Did u used to be Nomar?
Yup, my X’s last written line to me was , one year after the divorce, was “I’m not as bad a person as you think I am.”
He’s actually worse than I thought at the time as the full story of his perfidy is now know.
My ex did the same thing! I told him he was a liar and his response was, “That is your opinion and not the truth”. He really thinks that he is at no fault!!
Mine said “I can’t believe you think I’m that kind of guy!”
Umm. . .I can’t believe you DON’T think you’re ‘that kind of guy'”. This is what scares me the most. If he can spackle over his own behavior, what else is he capable of?
Truly chilling. Does anyone else feel this way? By all outward accounts he seems harmless. Kind, even. But last year when his dad died, he changed.
Before CN I would have called it grief. Now I see the crazy goes way beyond the temporary irrationally that comes with grieving.
He was the same guy all along. When his dad died his mask slipped and I got a glimpse of his true self. And I am afraid. I am not afraid for my immediate safety so I am lining up my ducks very carefully. Also I have the beginnings of a safety plan.
Anyhow, even though I do not have evidence of him cheating, I feel this little germ of fear, and it grows every day. Thanks to CL I recognized the emotional abuse and gaslighting. I learned about spackling and stopped doing it for the most part. Boy, the truth hurts.
Anyway, I have not told any mutual friends or family that I am afraid of him. I sound like a crazy person because I don’t have proof of anything he has done. I believe in my gut (thank you CN) but my family sure won’t.
All I know is, once I file I need to take the kids to an undisclosed location.
Has anyone been through this? How do you know when it is safe to go back?
It may never be safe to go back to where he can find you and the kids. If he’s acting scary enough or your gut is telling you he is dangerous enough for you to ask that question, I think you have your answer. There ARE sick freaks out there who will harm their own flesh and blood just to make you pay for crossing them. Please be careful!
@Zell said It seems like cheaters think in their brain that they are a victim of something.
When I retained my lawyer, she told me that 1) a year after the divorce, I’d be so much better off than I was at that time, and 2) that no matter that CheaterX was the one who blew up the marriage with his cheating, he’d see himself as the victim.
Both statements turned out to be true.
See my entry from a few days ago about KK’s narrative that was posted with her lingerie pics. It’s all “I’m the victim of a bad situation, but I’m overcoming it and flourishing as a result — and here are my escort service pics to prove it.”
It’s part and parcel of their high placement on the narcissism scale. Everything, EVERYTHING, is about them.
I have to say that the tales of KK knock the Narc Ball out of the park.
It’s funny you say that, my stbx and his ow both constantly say they aren’t bad people, who are you trying to convince the general public or yourselves?? We all know you both suck, no matter how many times you try to dress a llama as a bunny that llama is still a llama( they are bad people no matter how many times they say they aren’t) cant reason with the disordered and in denials.
I know. NiceGuy now wears a tan shirt, proclaims the BoyScout oath infront of many. See??? He’s not a BadGuy nor a Hypocrite even though he continues with his strippers, escorts, porn and new targets!
Whoops… submitted before I was done!
#8, you won’t get sympathy here. They only hope for redemption youve got now, is to get right with Jesus. Leave the Grand Prize of Sparkle Turd, pick up the pieces of your life, embrace a life of celibacy, and buy a plant. If you can keep it alive for 3 years, maybe you can get a cat.
You need to turn your pathetic excuse for a life, to a different direction that does not include any human being who might depend on you too much. You’ve got you, babe, so work on that.
Golden. “Buy a plant and if alive in 3 yrs get a cat”. Love this. Chumpland, so funny. CL so nice to just have a good ole belly laugh at some of these retorts, you go fellow chumps. I wish I could be creative but I can only say what I say to my STBX.” you are an idiot and I am so glad I am not you.” I mean the level of stupidity that one has to do these things to their families is not something we chumps can understand. So thanks #8 for giving us clear vision into this other worldly thinking. in this case, forgiveness for STBX behavior will have to come from God cuz I got nothing right now but resentment and it is not eating me up it is driving me to fight for my rights. Power on fellow chumps!
Attn DB: If he did it with you, he’ll do it to you.
Put two SparkleTurds in a blender and what do you get? This.
Lest we Chumps ever doubt what’s really at the end of a SparkleTurd’s rainbow. It’s this lovely pot of Sparkleturd Smoothie right here.
Sparkle turd smoothie. Another good one. I am having so much fun this morning!
Sparkle turd smoothie…I am dying of laughter. The BEST.
Hi 8.
You probably have nothing to worry about. After all those years of his serial cheating, you and your
“Magic Vagina” have surely put him on the straight and narrow.
What comes around, goes around, and a lot of it grows
on those stripper poles. Good luck to you, you surely won the prize.
ok, gotta be honest here, I kinda get a sadistic kick out of the OW/OM trolls that come here. I do enjoy the absolute stupidity of these special, entitled beings trying to pass themselves off as chumps. Explaining how they are special and how they hurt oh so very much.
Watching CN rip them a new one is actually quite satisfying. It’s like getting the chance to tell your ex and his special whore off without breaking no contact/ gray rock. Their special brand of stupidity in coming here is really quite amusing when you think about it. So like our exes justifying their behavior, they have no clue about boundaries or what real humans would do.
Rock on CN, keep evisterating the trolls and then go have a good laugh at their stupidity and entitlement. They are nothing to us.
I don’t like to pile on, but I’m so glad Chump Lady went int the direction she did with this one. For a second I thought it was going to end with tea and sympathy. You can be stupid, but being stupid and arrogant is an unforgivable combination. The arrogance comes in the “exception” belief. All along she was convinced she was the exception. That’s some grade A arrogance.
The OW, not Chump Lady. I wish we could edit our comments. I’m never good at first try.
Dear DB,
I represent your ex-husband because he is “My People.” He and I should have coffee sometime and exchange war stories about our shitty, cheating ex-wives.
Just wanted to let you know that while you are knee deep in your constant worries about Dick Tracy, your ex is slowly putting his life together watching his black eyes heal every day.
Do you know how exciting it is to meet a wonderful woman who loves your every ounce of positive and negative qualities? The fireworks, sweet text messages, dry meatloaf, messy morning hair….everything that is the greatest feeling of being in a true, loving relationship.
Well, I do….and so will your ex-husband. He just doesn’t know it yet. And when he does, he will be thankful you were a piece of dogshit and left. You gave him the Golden Ticket to heaven on earth. He just doesn’t know it yet.
Thank you very much for being a Douchebag. You put a wonderful man back on the market for all the wonderful women in the world.
yes, this is what happened to me, he left and tried to destroy me but I slowly bounced back and am continuing to gain momentum, the cheaters, they just have complicated lives and strained relationships, i got my freedom and the opportunity to experience actual love
Boom! Preach, homie! I told my ex that even though my new love is superior in nearly every way, I would never have traded in my vows or family for the upgrade. I thanked her for doing it for me. Sometimes nice guys do finish first…
I need the number of a guy like that! Love this.
My Dear….no number needed. He will appear when you least expect it.
Before long, you will get to be “that bitch who got ‘Just Because’ flowers at work today.”
Lordy I hope so, thanks for reminding me that the sparkly ones are shit and the good ones will come quietly….and permanently…
You win the internet today SuperDuperChump!
SuperDuperChump
I will take this and change the he for she!! I needed to read this! Thank you stbx for placing me back on the market!! I look forward to the dry meatloaf and messy morning hair with a man worthy enough to be with me!????
The burnt pork chops weren’t my fault….Texas Tech went into overtime and I forgot about them until the smoke detector went off…..but, she just laughed it off while we were eating at Sonic.
Damn those Red Raiders!!! It was their fault!!!
Too many tortillas flying lol
That’s what I need. A man who doesn’t need me to be perfect. And he had darn well better not be perfect either. I lived with nearly perfect for years and it wasn’t much fun.
Love this! You are so awesome!
YES, YES SuperDuperChump!!!! Love it!!!
You go super duper jump! Often times I am just embarrassed to admit I was married to fucktard.
Me too. 🙁 I’m embarrassed and feel so stupid for falling for all his lies and manipulation. 🙁 Over and over again he made me doubt my intuition or even things I uncovered. And at the end, he blamed me for everything and it took Chump Lady and Chump Nation to tell me it was him and not me!
Take heart, Martha. They are sicker than we are smart.
They are also VERY good at what they do.
My well-respected college professor encouraged me to marry my narc. This prof worked on Capitol Hill for 20 years. He has an excellent BS detector. But my narc fooled him!
When I think of it like that, I don’t feel embarrassed anymore.
BTL, they sure are good at what they do (lying and cheating)! I’ve have read over and over again that they can even fool therapists, etc. My ex has so many people fooled and they believe whatever stories he’s been pedaling for I don’t know how many years. I honestly don’t know how he can look at himself in a mirror, but I’ve read they don’t have a conscience, so I guess that means he doesn’t feel bad about anything. Pretty scary that there are so many people out their like them.
Not your Shame Martha. He’s the pathetic one.
Thanks, Doingme. I just wish I could go back in time and slap Young Martha and tell her to “Wake up! Trust you gut! Run!!” But I can’t and now I have to live with all that I put up with. How I abandoned myself and didn’t take care of myself by leaving a man like this. It sure would be nice to have a Do Over with all the knowledge we have now. 🙂
Your words inspire me to keep going forward against my cheater wife. Thank you for making my day.
My Brother…keep going. That tick may have sucked all the blood from you, but YOU get to control YOU now! The future is YOURS….go take it! Go bundgy jump this weekend…skydive…serve a meal at a shelter…college football game….take some snacks to a fire department at midnight….whatever. Start doing stuff, just stuff.
My NewFaithfulHusband was dumped by his first wife because GreenerGrassoverthere. Mr GreenGrass eventually got a restraining order against her. Much later she remarried to a guy who seems a decent fellow but he has to deal with SheWhoRulesWithIronFist.
We see them very seldom, but NFH looks at this guy with sincere pity.
Ha ha ha ha haaa!
Sorry, I shouldn’t laugh.
Has she got over you yet, UNM?
THIS, SuperDuperChump.
Yes!! Good to represent the mighty chump!!! You are awesome
After my ex ran off with the Skank she was with him (for the money I suspect) for 3 years before she cheated on him. I heard from a friend many years later that she had to leave him because “she was afraid he would kill her as he was violent”! Ha, bloody ha. If only you had cared to ask before you started fucking my husband I could have showed you the domestic violence conviction I have against him! I also know for a fact that despite his earning eight times what she did, he was forever asking to borrow money because he was “just a little short this month”! Who’s laughing now Skank?
Thank u for posting this. I do relate to a lot of this woman’s anxiety about the situation. I knew my cheater had problems in the past, I had gut intuitions on how he treated women, bounced from relationship to relationship. But he was in AA and I assumed that when he settled with me and said he loved me that that somehow he had worked on himself and was prepared to have a relationship. Bc he told me he didn’t love those women. He LOVED ME. Needless to say my anxiety of his past would come up now and again. I would question how he treated me, disrespected me around women, disappeared at times. But it always got turned around on MY defects MY flaws and my relationship ridiculousness. It was always a fight and I would apologize. But the truth is his double life continued. The blatant lies to my face. The letting me think I was crazy. Allowing me to go on medication. Being mad at me and frustrated when questioned. Disrespecting me to everyone and isolating me. Letting me think that we loved each other and trash talking me to people. Checking out of the relationship long before I knew…
This is a person incapable of true intimacy, who will live in a loneliness hell, who wants to do image and damage control so people won’t see he’s rotten on the inside. He’s so fucking charming, funny, popular, friendly, helpful. But that is his candy coating. He is a rotting pile of bile refuse shit and decayed pig flesh underneath. I just need to keep reminding myself of that
I could have written this post.
Addiction problems that I helped him through only to get sober and start cheating, emotional abuse and blame shifting all the way. Like I should be ok with being his emotional vomit bucket because you know its my fault and if its not I should do spend my energy trying to fix him.
I will not date a man who has had substance abuse issues when Im ready to date, too hard.
Hand me a nice strong homely chump who does yoga and I’m set.
Lady B – having a cheater with an addiction problem just adds the toppings and condiments to the shit sandwich that the chumps get served! Cheaters lie and gaslight. Addicts seem to find a whole different level to mindfuck you with and bring in even more dangers to the family.
I am 100% with you on your statement of….”I will not date a man who has had substance abuse issues when Im ready to date, too hard.Hand me a nice strong homely chump who does yoga and I’m set.” Well said and thank you! I’m putting that boundary in place and I don’t care what sob story I get….it’s still gonna be “fuck off” and if I’m alone forever then at least I know my own truth and not some BS version of it.
Way to go crushedfifi,
You have seen threw his “candy coating”
You are angry!
You are gonna be ok!
Keep that Mighty Crown in place.
It fits perfectly!
Wow I just read my post and I sound like I’m backing her up. I’m not. I’m happy to hear these fuckers who blow up lives get what they deserve. The winner of the pick me dance. I just can relate to the amount of spackle that I applied to red flags. But like every victim of narc abuse- you get clumped and get told a million sadz stories on how bad their life was before you and how great it is now. I should of trusted my gut on those red flags
Crushedfifif, No it doesn’t sound like you are taking the OW’s side. I can relate to so much you said. My ex did and said a lot of the same things yours did. And I went on meds too, because I got depressed after we got married (he withdrew from me and withheld sex just after our honeymoon — I felt like I was being a bad wife — no, I just married a disordered fuckwit!). I sure would love to hear all the sad sausage (lies) stories he told about me to his OW’s and the flying monkeys. Maybe God will be good to me and let me see them when I die. I’m just curious as to how long he’s been talking bad about me behind my back, all the while telling me what a wonderful wife and mom I was. And I was or at least I tried my best!
Martha, ditto to the letter! I can’t wrap my head around the occasionally very loving way X was with me while he was trashing me to others/APs at the exact same time. It’s a major mind fuck.
MotherChumper99, that’s just what cheaters do! They talk bad about us behind our back to get sympathy or whatever from the AP’s or the Flying Monkeys. It’s not based on reality at all! Don’t let it fuck with your mind. I know I was a great wife. Not perfect, because no one is perfect. I tried hard, because I didn’t know what I did wrong for the other times he devalued me or cheated on me, so I walked on egg shells (didn’t even realize I was doing it!) and Picked Me Dance (didn’t know I was doing that too!) for close to 24 years.
And today I had another A-Ha(!) moment. At least four years ago, the X and I were at our sons school, waiting in a group of people to get inside of the auditorium for our sons concert. X and I were holding hands as we usually did. Everything was fine and dandy between us. X saw a newly divorced woman that he works with and what did he do? He immediately dropped my hand and stood against the concrete wall like we weren’t together. I knew about her divorce, because he told me about it and some of the details. At the time I was very suspicious about his behavior that night, but I didn’t say anything, because it would lead to another fight/discussion about his women “friends.” Fast forward a few years and just about two weeks after D-day, we ran into the same woman at Target and her face was a look of total confusion. You see, X and I were holding hands again and laughing. She looked in shock and all she said was, “Where are your kids?” X’s face turned completely red and when I asked him about his red face all he said was, “Don’t you get embarrassed to see your coworkers outside of work?” Ugh, no. I realized a few months later that he was already talking to this coworker (lies about me I’m sure based on the look of shock on her face) and then my today’s A-Ha moment was remembering back a few years back how he dropped my hand that day. I have no doubt in my mind that he was feeding her bs lines about our marriage even back then. I have no doubt he was grooming her to be a future AP. These cheaters are all the same and they’ll say anything they need to say in order to get what they want or to protect their image. THEY SUCK and WE DON’T!
Martha, wow, your ex is bonkers! That line about embarrassment is really over the top. Damn. The grooming they do of future AP’s is shameless. Kudos to you for figuring it out and extricating yourself from a very thick fog of manipulation and weirdness. I’m impressed by your mightiness!
I know my ex had been living a double life for years. Years of lies to me and about me. Question…. Have any of your ex’s ever when forced to have a photo taken with you ,looked mad, or sad in them ? Mine could be laughing one minute but God forbid look happy on a social media pic with me a minute later.
Yup. And at the time I never noticed that he never really posted any pictures of us or me on social media. Like it wasn’t an issue. “Oh he’s a man and he doesn’t use Facebook much! He doesn’t Want everyone in his business!” Well Beans, motherfucker was Mark Zuckerbetg when he wanted to use Facebook messenger to cheat on you, so…..
After DDay I promptly told my mother in law there would be no more “faaaaamily” portraits done with me in them. That felt nice. ☺️
Thank you, Jo. 🙂 It took A LOT of thinking/remembering and A LOT of help from Chump Lady and Chump Nation. When you are not a cheater or disordered person, it doesn’t come naturally to see the red flags and *off* behavior. I felt like I was going crazy after the discard, because nothing made sense! Coming here almost every day and reading just about everything helped me to figure it all out. Plus family, friends and counseling of course. I don’t feel mighty, but I can look back on the last three years and I’ve done some pretty mighty stuff. 🙂 It makes me happy that I’m learning to stick up for myself and create boundaries for the first time in my life. Have a great weekend! 🙂
It doesn’t sound that way at all. You are describing the classic cheater tactic of gas lighting. It begins to make you feel as if you are the crazy one, that everything is your fault. It is something most of us have experienced. I know I did and frankly, it still angers me when I remember how skillfully X employed it. All the created conflicts to throw me off track, all the blame I accepted for my supposed paranoia, all the times I thought I was the one causing unnecessary problems in our marriage. No, it is yet another tactic in the cheater handbook and your comment describes in accurate detail.
I too need medication because “I am too sensitive”, “I overthink everything”, I remember everything wrong because “That never happened”.
My life is a shattered mess and I am barely hanging on. Most days I would prefer to stop hanging on.
My special Golden Dick spouse will not let me go. He has me so trapped that I can’t even think clearly. I am damned if I do and fucked if I don’t.
ChumpLena – hang in there. It WILL get better I promise. Reach out where you can trust people. Don’t give up. The best way to get to him is to live a happy life. It may seem far off in the distance right now but I promise you it will come. Sending you big hugs from France.
Back when I was waiting on the Karma Bus, I would hope that my XW experienced the similar fears that this woman does. My XW was also an OW and a cheater, and now she has a baby girl with her OM.
Then I realized it won’t work that way. When gets to that point, she’ll just find some other married loser and branch-swing to him. Because although she tells herself otherwise, it’s not about the man; it’s about not being alone.
So, DB should get her vine ready, and branch-swing to the next classy dude willing to destroy his marriage for her. And then the next. And then next. The caliber of these men won’t increase over time, of course, but at least she won’t be alone.
And that’s what she’s really scared of—being alone. Otherwise, she’d act on her alleged fears and leave this guy today. Either that…or all of her fear is just an bunch of bullshit to get a rise out of us. Either way, she’s screwed (and not in a good way).
So so so familiar!! I love the concept of branch swinging — never thought about it, but the scared to be alone thing nails my own STBX to a T. He’s always had OW “backups” waiting in the wings, or booze, or ANYTHING to distract himself from being alone. I never did understand his weird need to have every TV blaring and turn on every light in the house whenever he was home (even if for only 15 minutes). I used to think he was scared of the dark. Now I think he just can’t stand quiet time alone because in his own head, there’s nobody of substance home, and it’s too boring.
“I never did understand his weird need to have every TV blaring and turn on every light in the house whenever he was home (even if for only 15 minutes). I used to think he was scared of the dark. Now I think he just can’t stand quiet time alone because in his own head, there’s nobody of substance home, and it’s too boring.”
OMG, Chickynot! You just turned on a lightbulb for me! This! This exactly! Every damn light! TV turned up to unbearable (for me and the kids) levels! Even when he was “working” out in the garage he had a TV or the stereo blaring – usually to music he’d heard over and over and over, or TV reruns. Wow…
Yep, I’ll second all of that. Couldn’t be alone either. A total drunk, who had to have music/TVs ANYTHING blaring all the time, even if he wasn’t in the room. Crikey, they really are all the same aren’t they!
Branch swing to the next one—-love, love the imagery. Thanks for the morning pick-me-up!
Ding ding ding. I was thinking the same thing. This is the official start of her discard of him. Of course it started the day they met, but so it begins in earnest. Its your classic borderline meets narc story. So beautiful really.
“This is the official start of her discard of him…..Its your classic borderline meets narc story. ”
YES! This! EXACTLY!
yeah the “alone” part rings in my ears. My therapist tells me my Borderline Personality Disorder cheater wife just sees me as ‘useful’ not necessarily able to love me in a normal way. And definitely not able to be faithful. They fear being alone/abandoned yet they do everything to want their partner to flee- including cheat. Very weird. Your term “branch swinging” is a perfect term. I understand her previous relationships from a different perspective now. My therapist told me to prepare myself for how quickly my wife will find her next man once the divorce papers start rolling.
Funny, my Stbx is accusing me of being BPD. He had me believing it but now that I am out of the craziness and read the criteria from my new perspective, I think differently.
Acting out sexually. Me no, him yes.
Drinking excessively. Me no, him yes.
Excessive spending. Me no, him yes.
Afraid of being alone. Me no, him yes.
Unstable personal relationships ranging from idealizing to devaluing. Me no, him yes.
Inappropriate anger. Me no, him yes.
A lot are internal so I wouldn’t know but you get the idea.
Projection is real.
I used to wonder if Ex might be mildly BPD. His dad was diagnosed as such. Ex’s mood swings weren’t extreme, but it was almost as if he had PMS as it seemed to be a monthly cycle of being tense and discontented and then being mostly content until it morphed into being discontented some of the time and down right depressed and angry the rest of the time.
Ex nails every item on the above list except for “Drinking excessively”. I am lucky on that account. Otherwise the “Inappropriate anger” might have been violent instead of just annoying at best emotionally hurtful at worst.
I think that is the real reason he doesn’t want to see a counselor. I think he knows BPD is a possibility and doesn’t want to find out.
Yep. I think my STBX has BPD. I think he refuses seeing a counselor because of this. He has all the traits: rage, quits jobs because he gets bored easy, love me/hate me mentality, and he excessively drank, and he cheated. I think he definitely has a fear of abandonment.
Wow, does this ever bring up memories. I too thought the ex had monthly cycles, as well as seasonal ones. Is it autumn? Cue the annual rage, dissatisfaction, complaining, and acting out. Pick up a new girlfriend on the sly to help make life more exciting. Don’t know if he’s BPD or full-on narc, I’m just glad to get out of the crazy.
P.S. This is no reflection on those with seasonal affective disorder or depression. His mood swings and rages and blaming went on for thirty years, even while on antidepressants and he could be the nicest of nice guys to any and all women at work during the same time. He had no time or inclination to have a relationship with any of his relatives, only howorkers. He never had a single male friend in 30 years.
Finding bliss, Your P.S. My Stbx would accuse me of those things too. I can’t count how many times he said “you need to get some sun on your cranium” as if I had s.a.d. rather than just needing some support from him. One time I had enough of him accusing me of being depressed and did “rage” at him. I said “I am not depressed. I get up, shower, dress, homeschool and take care of the kids, make dinner, clean, and then have sex with you. Clinically DEPRESSED people don’t do that!!!” That shut him up for a moment.
I really just wanted a partner.
Amen! Mine did similarly abusive shit. Accused me (behind my back to our friends) of having postpartum depression because I got irritated at him for not putting ice remover on our front steps when I had an 8-day old infant in the middle of winter, and the ice caused our oldest child to fall and hurt himself. Then he raged at me while holding our infant from me, and would not give the baby back to me to nurse.
“I really just wanted a partner.” Yes!!!
Antidepressants won’t cure personality disorders, that’s why his mood swings prevailed.
Ex couldn’t be alone either. From my perspective, if I was worth leaving I was worth leaving before he strayed but I don’t think he would have been capable of that. He needed somebody new to latch onto. He might be stuck with her for a long time, however, because he has discovered that making the switch is painful too and he probably won’t want to go through that again.
Last winter I suggested that maybe he just needed to be on his own and be celibate for a while to clear his head and get through the divorce and then maybe find somebody new in a year or two. His response was “That’s what got me into this mess in the first place”. I took exception to that because he was not, in fact, celibate. I know. I was there. We were intimate on a regular basis, but he still considered himself celibate? What a shitty thing to have said to me.
Ok, gotta admit that I get a sadistic thrill when these trolls come here. To me, the sheer chutzpah of these entitled assholes is astonishing. And we then get a chance to unload all we wish we could say to our exes and their special twats without breaking no contact/ gray rock. How fun is that?
In the end, they are just sad empty shells passing as real humans who get what they so richly deserve, the disdain of CN, the karma of being absolute pricks and the specialness (not) of being with another cheater. We, on the other hand, get to unload a ton of our justifiable anger onto these twats and then skip merrily away to better lives.
Rock on CN, laugh at the stupidity of these idiots and then have an awesome day. You no longer have to deal with their specialness and sparkly. You get to be REAL. Something they will never, ever be.
DB-
I’m not religious. I have known people like you to hide behind their Faith. Go reread the tenets of your faith. For thousands of years people like you are known to suck. Your behavior and choices to harm others has zero to do with being modern, open minded or whatever Gywneth/Ester want to spout.
You made your bed, go lie in it you ridiculous twat.
So harsh and unfeeling! We’re not even considering all the things that DROVE her to cheat on her husband of 21 years. He didn’t tell her she was pretty! He’d take the whole family out to dinner instead of just her! He paid for the kids’ activities and she had to control her spending at scrapbook/kitchenware/makeup parties! He got depressed at one point and started leaf-blowing the yard too often… so she filled her time and herself with Sparkly Cheater Dick. And we KNOW her husband never really loved her because she only had ONE affair and decided the marriage was over; if he really loved her and those 21 years were so great, he would have FOUGHT for her. It’s *his* fault, not hers!
::puking emoji::
Scamper away, WhoreTroll.
Heart emoji. You nailed it!
Awww CL opened the door and threw in a hunk of raw meet for CN. Thank you. Happy stories for the cheaters always brings a smile to my face. Sure that’s not the path to meh to wait for the explosion of my ex and his young schmoopie 2.0 with a bucket of popcorn and a soda pop, so thanks for the early viewing with these fuckwits.
Twiceachump, happy stories of the cheaters always bring a smile on my face too. And since I brought myself and my two kids through post cheater hell and I am finally at a point where I am fine with not ever forgiving my ex for what he did, I’d say: bring in the popcorn and soda! Meh will come eventually.
twiceachump,
We will all join you in the theatre.
Bring on the popcorn and sodas!
I absolutely LOVE this cartoon!! It’s brilliant!!
It’s from a series called Gravity Falls. My daughter has actual socks of him!
Ooh, you’re right. My boys loved that show, too, and were sad about it ending. It was one of those shows I didn’t really watch with them, now that they’re older. They’d watch it, while I cooked or did laundry, etc. Unlike Max & Ruby, which all episodes are burned into my brain, as I had to watch with them when they were younger and couldn’t be left in the room alone.
Ahhh. Gravity Falls. My kids mourned the loss of that show. They are 20-somethings and young teens.
“ You aren’t us”…..
Pretty much says it all..
STILLhere, yasssss! This ???????? …her kind ain’t part of our gang ????????
Chump lady slays again ???????? #I’mLovinIt
Hey DB,
Do you still have your ex husband’s phone number? Is he still single?
Nice!! lol. 🙂
Hee hee! This is awesome. Love this!
Hehehe…love it, SoSG ????????
Great post! The troll vomiting rainbows made me spit my coffee! DB? dumb bunny is worried this cheater will cheat on her?! Thats a given. Three words for you db. Karma karma karma!
I thought it meant douchebag
You’re too kind, Kar marie. I thought DB stood for Dumb Bitch. Bunnies are too cute and fluffy.
Chump Lady,
Your words,
PRICELESS!
” Regular Pap Smears”
(And full STD testing)
Just stay in the stirrups DB,
Much safer there!
I might extend my sympathies to someone who has majorly screwed up other people’s lives and is truly, utterly repentant, wants to know how to make amends, etc.
It would be different if this person was afraid that her current partner, ex-cheater, might cheat on her.
But this dude cheated WITH you. You’re part of the problem you fear, DB.
Want to fix that? Get yourself out of that situation and work on becoming a human person!
What you have now is an announced disaster, and you’re here because you know it’s only a matter of time. Actually, about that stripper? I think your D-Day has already come, but it may have flown over your big, entitled head.
Tracy, I am sorry, this sounds so contrived and improbable. Who on earth writes I am number 8? Go and gloat somewhere else with your number 2.
I get several of these kinds of OW letters every week.
Seriously, Tracy, these women write you all the time? What the actual fuck? The self-centeredness of these people shocks me over and over. And do they believe they are going to get sympathy? Holy Entitled Asshole, Batman!
I can hardly believe the gall of these OW. I mean, why are they writing to you, ChumpLady? What do they expect from you, or from CN?! Sympathy?? Understanding?? I don’t get their special kind of stupid, inviting an ass-kicking like that. Morons.
On the upside…their idiocy provides more entertainment for us! ????
Yes, they do expect sympathy. Because they are HURTING! Can you not feel their pain?
“If you prick us, do we not bleed?”
And where better to go fishing for sympathy kibbles than people brimming over with empathy. (pssst,but, DB, not for you. Sorry.)
DB:
We are NOT your tribe. We didn’t cheat on our spouses/partners… we were abused, lied to and cheated on by the likes of YOU.
Here is some advice for you:
1. Go apologize to your X for being a whore and blowing up his life. I don’t care how fucking unhappy you were in that marriage… YOU CHEATED. Own up to it.
2. Look in the mirror. You’re not special. Nope. Not even close. You have no character. Want to change that reflection – leave the douchebag and work on you and making amends to all the people you harmed.
3. Stop thinking you’re a chump. You’re a whore who WON the man who told you from day one that he was a liar and a cheater… but for some reason, you thought your magic twat would keep him from cheating on you? That just illustrates how delusional you are.
4. Like CL… get regular Pap Smears… enjoy winning the pick me dance while laying back in the stirrups.
5. You may want to grow a pair and leave him, just saying. Many people have to rebuild their lives after a divorce. Again, you’re not special.
As for #2, she won’t.
She’s a cheater too, and now she’s saying “hey,wait a sec., now that I’m the wife…”
It’s not her ah-ha moment…..it’s karma.
She’s a cheater like him, plain and simple. IF she were a decent human being and IF this was truly the love of a lifetime she would of said “go home and handle your marriage one way or another…”
but she didn’t.
If he’s still living with his wife and kids, it ain’t over ….js.
What goes around, comes around.
I agree Paintwidow. She’s just as much as a deadbeat as the cheater. Then she expects for him to treat her right. Ha ha ha, joke is so on her!
Ohhhh, the OWs when they reach out. It’s hilarious when they come down from the high of bamboozling and feel so bamboozled.
The Sluterus was so invisible during my marriage. This was an intentional thing. When I called her number not knowing who the fuck would text my husband thousands of times while he was on vacation with us, she was vewy silent and smol. When my stepdaughter was ripped from the room she’d slept in for years on D-Day and never allowed to see it again, she had no comment. On social media, she preemptively blocked me so I had no idea she existed till I saw that phone bill. Till then she had been presented as a married coworker with whose HUSBAND he hoped to be friends.
There was no husband. Should have known, beacause he never had a friend over for fun in all the years I knew him.
OWs get awful cheeky when they think they’ve won the shitball Sweepstakes. It took years for the Sluterus to grow the balls to stalk my Facebook and send me PMs.
She signed them The Future Mrs Shitball. Well, she used the name he goes by, which I dumped when he left.
I told her I couldn’t think of a better fate for her than Mrs. Shitball. I congratulated her told her they’d surely have all the happiness they deserve ( none, bitch) and the 3 Lady Cavalry of Former Mrs. Shitballs might all chip in on a classy set of paper plates for the Shitball Nuptials.
You seem bitter, she said. Oh god no, I said. I laugh about this murder of my family all the time. I’m glad she won.
I hope you are both so happy that someday, when you are most happy and proud and in love you open a phone bill, and find your King Shitball has met someone EXACTLY like YOU. But don’t be bitter.
I like how SHE’S the one PMing you in the first place, but when you don’t respond how she wants YOU’RE the one who’s obviously bitter. What was the subject of the PMs in the first place?
Apparently at some point she unblocked me from FB and was monitoring my page.
Fuck all knows why. I never contacted her once after D-Day and rarely mentioned the divorce there.
Friends were giggling over a meme where celebrities give their kids stupid names and then dumb civilians use them for their kids.
I mentioned in the comments The Howorker had done this with her Adultery Baby and named her kid after cheese.
After three years This Bitch felt the need to reach out and correct me in a comment buried in a several months old post.
She was summarily dispatched, and then she blocked me again.
I have not looked at her Facebook page since friends sent me screenshots in 2014.
I stand corrected. She didn’t name her Seabiscuit after cheese or an actress. She named her kid after those tar pits where the Wooly Mammoths got swallowed up. J/K who the fuck cares. I told her she had all the freedom in the world to enjoy her accomplishment of breeding with a man who sheds families like the crud in a loofah.
If she really were happy and carefree why am I even a concern? I hadn’t spoken to Skin Tab Turtle Dick in over a year.
“Skin Tab Turtle Dick”
Hahahahhahaaaa!!!! The Evil One has skin tabs all up along with his inner thighs leading up to his nub, bwahahahaaa
I have yet to hear from his OWife, nor have I yet to be introduced to her.
Yes, being a winner in the sparkly turd contest must be exhilarating
Sluterus must be so proud.
OMG We lived the nightmare! I hope Mrs. Shitball loves her trips to Skin Tab Mountain!
She named her kid LaBrea?! Like the tar pits?
At least you get the satisfaction of knowing she’s a paranoid insecure mess three years later, lmao!
And the thing that pisses me off the most? It’s not enough that you went on your merry way and you can tell your kid whatever the fuck you want about her conception and that two girls’ lives were ripped apart. Nobody fucking cares what Throne of Lies you sit on. Have your Free Love Bonobo Monkey Circus across town. But I’ll be damned if you attempt to whitewash what you did to the daughters and me. On my social media. That’s not your narrative to control.
You are mighty, Luziana. Thanks for the power post.
Only the ONE infidelity on her part … innumerable on his. So, what did her “only one” infidelity add up to?
— Two destroyed marriages.
— Two screwed over Chumps (her exH and his exW)
— A combined 38 years of the Chumps’ lives stolen
— and, I must wonder how many children’s lives were shaken to the core
She fails to mention the kids. I think it’s a good assumption that either of the marriages (probably both) also had children. Yet she doesn’t mention them … maybe because mentioning little, innocent victims might rain on her SADZ parade?
Fuck her. Fuck him. Both of them suck endlessly.
CL — your response couldn’t have been better. Keep rockin’!
This is a FANTASTIC response!! I avidly read and hung onto to every single word. It delivers at every turn and the best advice is to get pap smears. Lolol!!! Tracy, you hit this one out of the park, as you always do!!!
That. was. epic! Thank you Tracy!!
Character is built and maintained with integrity. It’s not magic. You don’t get it b/c you found your “schmoochie pie soulmate.” He’ll do it again b/c he’s done it for 15 years. There’s no loyalty in cheaters except to themselves. You DB will do it again too b/c you’re just like him.
I ❤️ u CL!!!! I so needed this today as I was having doubts just early this morning that OW and Narcs married life was greener. Thanks for the reminder of sweet reality!
You know that fog that everyone talks about? Well, this it. This woman talked herself into believing that a sociopath has a heart. She talked herself into believing that finding her twu wuv is more important that integrity, and certainly more important than two Chumpy spouses. Aaaaannnnndddd look how that turned out. I think Chump Nation ought to get stopwatches out to time how long it takes before The Sociopath whips it out for the next one.
Chumplady, you are brilliant.