Dear Chump Lady, Why do you use foul language?
Dear Chump Lady,
Why do you use foul language? My wife cringes when I use bad language (she is a linguist). It detracts from your heartfelt advice.
I bought your book on Amazon and it is right on. Do yourself a favor and cut out the potty mouth.
Your truly,
Jim
Dear Jim,
Thank you for your concern about my potty mouth.
I blame my upbringing. I learned to curse from my father — a United Methodist minister. He takes the Lord’s name in vain every time he drives, operates a radio, or dresses himself. And yet, they let him baptize people. Go figure.
Christ on a crutch, Goddamnsonofabitch, and Jesus H. Kee-Rist are as comfortable to me as old hymns. (I know a lot of those too.) And if you think that’s bad, you should’ve met my grandfather.
What time is it, Grandpa?
Milking time! Grab a tit!
(Or, “Time for all fools to be dead. Ain’t you feeling sick?”)
Perhaps your wife the linguist needs to get out more.
Why is my writing of interest to you anyway? Is your wife a cheater as well as a linguist? Perhaps she should look up the etymology of “hypocrite.”
Gotta love the pearl-clutchers who shag randos and then take offense at four-letter words.
I run a liberation campaign from fuckwits here, Jim. When discussing sex and power, all the satisfying words are naughty.
I don’t know how to write about infidelity without profanity. When I went through it, I found myself channeling fishwives. I assure you, I’m a pretty pleasant, granola-headed person ordinarily. But when I was chumped, I had no words to describe it that were not transgressive, because the experience was transgressive.
I curse because the subject makes me angry, JIm. I know, an angry woman is unattractive. (You should see my Medusa hair. I’m the total Gorgon package.) These days, with fuckwits assaulting our reproductive freedoms, I feel like chaining myself to federal buildings or immolating myself in front of the Alabama state house. And yet, Jim, I content myself with fuck.
I think I’m exercising incredible restraint, all things considered.
Of course, as a writer, I do worry sometimes that I’ve over-egged the pudding. How much cursing is too much cursing? Is it lazy? Am I strident? Is there a kinder way to say “I wish Jesus would descend from a cloud of angels and thug-kick your deadbeat”?
But I wonder, Jim, why you feel the need to do me a “favor” and tell me how to write? Do you read Bukowski and wish for less suicidal ideation? Expect Wagner operas to be more hummable?
I’m a chump with a potty mouth. A woman with a platform. I’m not doing market surveys on how fuck is trending. This is not an exercise in consensus — I write in my own voice. I created this place to support people and I let them say fuck too. Because when you’re deep in the shit, you need somewhere to be righteously pissed. Or sad. Or viciously snarky. I’m not censoring chump feelings. Things can get quite raw.
If Chump Lady is not the flavor of which you like your support, I invite you to create your own fuck-free environment.
And if you don’t like salty language in your self-help books, please enjoy the vast array of bland, dry, but earnestly blameshifting RIC resources available.
My book is not those books. I wrote my book to be provocative. Because I was tired of all the soppy infidelity euphemisms. Wayward. Betrayed spouse. Affair fog. I was offended at language that sanitized abuse, or worse, romanticized it. Do you have trust issues? Hey, affairs are exuberant acts of defiance! Did a cheater give you the clap? He was on a quest for aliveness! And isn’t his happiness worth more than your abnormal Pap smears?
The resources also — nicely! politely! without a single fuck! — blamed me for my part. Did I anger him? Fail to meet his needs? They assumed I would be giving this save-my-marriage shit all MY effort. Even if it took “on average” 4 to 7 years of sobbing. It’s a rollercoaster! And don’t you want to spend 7 years puking on a carnie ride for a chance at a Much Stronger Marriage?
(Where is cheater? In a fog. Grieving Schmoopie. It’s hard for cheaters. Harder really. Setbacks are to be expected! So book another therapy appointment. That will be $180.)
Oh, I ROARED with FUCK, Jim.
I dumped the cheater, built a better new life, and a few years later (fucks still fomenting), I wrote the chump book I wish existed.
It says FUCK.
As in, fuck no, it’s not the chump’s fault.
Fuck those fucking Switzerland fucks.
Fuck the Reconciliation Industrial Complex.
Yes, I want to shock you, JIm.. My fuckity fucks are deliberate. I want to smack you the fuck out of your hopium haze. And I’m not nice about it. Which is rather the point — GET MAD. DO SOMETHING. PROTECT YOURSELF.
Straight talk is not a soft pillow. Strong messages are often laced with profanity. I tell people things they don’t want to hear (“You don’t control that.”) Which I would argue is a kindness compared with the send-me-$399-to-affair-proof-your-marriage bozos monetizing false hope.
George Bernard Shaw said: “All great truths begin as blasphemies.”
Don’t say fuck?
Fuck that.
Fuck ya!!
That’s right Jim we’re here for the fuck this and no fucks given mentality. Chump lady, this is my favorite response ever and why I continue to follow this no bullshit forum! ❤
I love agreed I’m so tired of these cheating losers it’s so pathetic they can all go fuck themselves, male or female!
My h was outraged every time I used word “ whore”- apparently, abusing another human being for $$ was perfectly ok, risking my life by having unprotected sex was fine… but using a “ whore” word was too distasteful and disrespectful (!) in civilized conversation…
Fuck it!!!
I was always soft spoken … mindfuckery and destruction seems to have an interesting effect on me;)
LOL, I love it, I called my ex husband a male whore and he was livid at my front door as he walked away from the dog and I! His lastest SLUT waiting in his new “FINANCED” truck! Goodbye loser! What a prize she won!
Yep, mine too. Pearl-clutching Jesus cheater. He would NEVER swear! But lie, cheat, and steal? All day, every day.
Yes. This describes my ex husband completely. He Would leave the room and refuse to speak if I cursed, but he was totally fine regularly attending church while hiding a porn addiction and a 22 year old girlfriend.
Mine was appalled when I said shit, “I’m tired of your bullshit,” he then called me white trash, and trailer trash.
He must have forgotten where he came from, every other word out of his sister’s mouths is fuck.
To outsiders he acts like he’s John Boy from the Walton’s. You’d think he’d never said a cross word or ever did anything wrong in his life. In conversations he’d like to mention a situation of tell heroic stories about himself. For example going someplace with his crew members and the crew took home the hotel robes.. he’d let everyone know he could never do something so dishonest.., all stories had the same theme, the other’s were bad, Mr. Self Righteous good.
Crew members picking up on women in the hotel bar but not Mr. Self Righteous.., he’s a man of integrity, unlike the others.. He’d make sure I knew how lucky I was being married to him. All the other guys were fucking around but not Mr. Integrity. Yeah, lucky me..
He’s full of shit..,
Oh my… same here…. he went to the party alone ( doesn’t have many friends and I never had issue with letting him go) and was complaining about drinking, flirting etc
He was telling me stories about business trips and other men picking prostitutes at the bar… how embarrassing it was for him ????????????
All bs.
He was fucking left and right whoever was willing ( sadly he was trying so many sites, dating apps etc. that he had no issue finding a fuck/ dating buddy /whore)
Except for not having friends and being an awkward egg among other ( often younger men)
That’s why our social life never existed- unless you count the family…
My social life was always steady- not spectacular ( my choice) but never had an issue meeting new people, or finding gf to go for coffee etc.
All bs
Loona, ex also would tell me how embarrassed he would be when crew members were picking up on women at the bar or flirting with the waitress when they’d all go out to dinner. I remember one story about the other men how they were flirting with their waitress and being inappropriate. Mr. Integrity, being the sensitive guy he is, felt so bad for the waitress, that afterwards he returned to the restaurant to apologized to for their behavior.. How thoughtful, such a gentleman, yeah, right.
As I’m sure he had no other motive than to express his sincere apologies..,
Ex never had a social life, when we did socialize which wasn’t often, ex would be uncomfortable, he would say it was because the others weren’t as educated as he is or they had nothing in common. One of the things ex said when he left was that we had nothing in common. 20 years of marriage, a child, but we had nothing in common. He had more in common with a women he met one night in a hotel bar.
Loona**In social situations ex would be awkward, unless the focus of conversation revolved around him.
That’s it! Chumps are soft spoken people. So cursing ???? is a good way for chumps it take back their power!! Therapeutic foul language!
Chumps cursing in reaction to the humiliation of betrayal, isn’t hurting anyone. If someone is offended they’re free to move on. I doubt there are many people who have had their lives implode by cheater are offended when hearing a bad on CN. I’m more offended whenever I read a Cheater story here on CN. After reading the betrayal stories here on CN,
cursing should be the least of a Cheaters’ concerns.
Sorry for the typos, my computer is stalling..
I think he wants his cheater wife to read the book but knows the language will put her off. Book isn’t for cheater. It’s for the chump.
Jim replied below. His wife isn’t a cheater. He was chumped in a previous relationship.
Foul situations deserve foul language. Betrayal is a one of those foul situations. Saying “fuck off & die cheater” helps you heal.
“…the message that it isn’t what the cheater has done but rather how the chump responds to it that is the problem.” #nailedit
I read a study that said that people that curse are generally the most honest…..so swear away Merrill, swear away (reference to the Movie “Signs”).
I dont see Jim saying anything except he doesnt like cuss words. Maybe i am just a chump but i think Jim has been brainwashed. .. .. i say welcome Jim. He needs this message too if he can get past the profanity. Can you imagine your wife cringing at your words? Wasband once told me that “sometimes he cant stand the sound of my voice” only sometime thou so why you mad? Messed me up in the head pretty good because i was never sure when thise times were. I spent days and weeks and months trying to look back at ever argument we had, i was timid on every new arguement.. .. worried that the sound of my voice was bothering HIM.
Jim obviously bought the book for some reason. I pray he finds what he is looking for. I am sure there is more then just his wife cringing at his talking, she is obviously making jim feel bad about himself. Which is not ok.
Good luck Jim. Dont worry about the cuss words. Sometimes strong words are needed to discribe what is going on
Mrs. Vain, I’m not sure if you are right, but I know that you are kind, and I hope that Jim is a person (even perhaps a chump) who can benefit from your kindness. And I thank you for your message — the reminder that “sometimes strong words are needed to describe what’s going on” is getting written in my journal today.
thank you medusa.. ..
i am just a chump and my kindness often gets used against me. maybe everyone else is seeing something i am not but if Jim is a person who can benefit from my kindness then i would be glad. if he is a person who takes advantage of others kindness well then i fell right into that one.
i have many things written to remind myself. haha
most are posted on my computer monitor since i am at this computer 8 to 5.
have a peaceful day.
Dear Chump Lady,
Thank you so much for allowing me to say fuck, for allowing all Chumps to say fuck after our hearts have been ripped open by a cheater and we lay bleeding on the floor.
Thank you thank you THANK YOU! There is a time and a place for propanity! Thank you again and again for helping Chumps to heal.
Yep, move along Jim ~ nothing to see here.
Git!
Fucking ‘A’ Tracy… you nailed it!
I find myself only swearing when I have to discuss X. Other than that, no need. But a good, “fucking douchebag loser” every now and then just feels right.
I FUCKING love you Chump Lady!!!! If it wasn’t for your book and website with all these fucking awesome people here to offer support I don’t know where I would be. All of you fucking saved my life, my sanity and helped me get it together and become FUCKING MIGHTY!!! My stbxh is Jim…..so FUCK you Jim.
Fucking eh!!
????????
Fucking EH yet another Canadian chump I know exactly the nightmare!????????????
Happy Victoria Day!
-expat Canuck
????????????
I would drop the F word when I was at my utter wits end with the mind fuck that was my marriage, my holier than though huaband would blame it on my upbringing. It was a sure fire way to induce me into a feeling of guilt, that I was some how less of a person and proving myself as such for using such languge.
My Ex would never use the F word because it was beneath him, but had no problem going and hooking up with guys in public toilets.
Thankful,
Isn’t it IRONIC that your husband can’t believe that you would use the word FUCK (as in— a word use to express anger, excitement and to add emphasis) but then he would go FUCK (as in—the motion and actions of licking, sucking and sticking his dick into a wet hole after promising to be faithful) others in a public bathroom? How the fuck is that even comparable on the scale of fuckedupedness? If you want me to restrain my mouth then you should restrain your dick mmmmkay?
Fucking well fucking said.
Exactly!
When this went down, my Mom came out to help me watch the kids and came to deposit starting money into my new non joint checking account (he has drained ours over years of abuse) so I could begin the divorce proceedings. (Thank God for parents!)
At the time, we were newly separated and I picked up the kids from summer camp when Cheater was there – and was acting like all was normal and I told him I didn’t want small talk with someone sleeping with his secretary. He was irritated and told me that we need to make everything seemingly normal for the kids.
I came home with the kids where mom was waiting, and cheater then came too. He wanted to then take the kids to dinner – no custody schedule was set yet and he was acting like him moving out was no big deal and everything was normal.
I had beat him home, and told my Mom ahead of time how he doesn’t want us to talk about anything. At this time, her righteous anger nearly matched mine, and her ability to suppress it was far worse (gotta love Mom????)
Anyway, he comes over trying to take the kids to dinner after camp, and when they are in the other room my Mom says something about him it’s wrong that he is telling us we can’t talk about it, especially since he’s the one ducking his secretary. Cheater looks aghast – mind you, my Mom is not unlike the writer Jim, often changing TV if the swearing is superfluous. Cheater attempts to tell my Mom to calm down, but this only inflames her.
She stated, “you can fuck, but I can’t talk about it?”
Cheater is silent and stunned.
She repeats, “You can fuck, but we can’t talk about it?”
He gets beet red faced, and aggressive. It looked like he was going to hit my mom.
Days later, Chumplady has a column where she used this exact sentence – about how they can Fuck, but we’re not supposed to talk about it.
My happily married Mom (for 45 years to my dad with fights from time to time but no infidelity) tows the Chumplady line without even realizing it.
I’m lucky to have my wise and supportive Mom in my life. (Dad’s great too)
And thanks to Chumplady for being my guide through it all.
They get scared when we goody two shoes chumps get pissing mad.
Hugs to your mum. My mother was the same. The voice of reason til she saw what he was doing and lost it.
Hell yes for your mom for calling out that absolute piece of shit cheater! My mom was almost as livid as I was… gotta love her ???? And if it wasn’t for chumplady saying it like it is, in all her foul-mouthed glory, I’d never be where I am now.
Said this last night (during emergency family meeting) to one of our high schoolers who was clutching his pearls at the topic of some of his recent his choices. He was thinking that this conversation should be more ‘private’.
“You can stick your dick in a girl’s mouth and post photos of it online, but we can’t talk about it?”
To his credit, this did seem to cool his moral outrage.
Now we can get back to the real problem.
Super Mighty Mom!!!!
Your Mom is da bomb!!!
She gets it without having to experience it personally.
So many people just don’t get it.
Great story!
How amazing to have a mom who has your back and will stand up to a fucker!
????
Yay for your mom!!!!!
Yes, your Mom totally rocks!
I’ve got to say that that was the one thing i related to when i first came here, the fucking raw, heart rending language. It was what i was feeling and i could relate to it in my smacked down, beat up, where the fuck is my life now state.
Keep on fuckin Chump lady we love it and love being able to express ourselves the same way with no inhibitions. If you don’t like it, don’t keep reading even though the advise is honest and just keeps coming. And it helps, oh God how it helps.
Agreed!! I don’t use a lot of profanity but a while after my cheater was caught I swore at him for 5 hours straight! I know it was a waste of time, he was and always will be “numb”. But it was great release for me!!!
Ditto! Everything was ‘fucking shit’ in the immediate aftermath of d-day. Felt good to be able to call my shitty spouse (and other bad spouses) a a useless POS!
If there’s one thing Chump Lady has taught me, it’s listen to what people say-WATCH what they do.
I’ll take a foul-mouthed, heart of gold, walks the walk friend/boyfriend/partner for life over lying, cheating, scumbags.
Can’t take the heat, Jim? Then get out of our fucking kitchen.
“Kill the wabbit. Kill the wabbit. Kill the wabbit.”
Yes, Wagner opera are very hummable!
Yes! As coolinmn says, Wagner operas are eminently hummable!
This is the only part of Tracy’s post that I disagree with!
????????????
Great!
Now that is stuck my head
The profanity underlines and capitalises the epicness of Chump Lady and all the residents of Chump Nation. Fuckers fucking around on us fucking got us here Jim! We’re not about to walk away politely now are we?
Fuck that shit.
As you were.
PS. Jim, I too have frizzy hair and am officially unmarriagable. For which I thank God on a daily basis.
PPS I am sure you are just a nice guy trying to help, but you’re not. Not really. But you know that now.
“OOOOOOOOOoooo000hhhhhhhhhHHHhh!!!!!
Sacrilegious, fulmination expletive-profanation!”
– better?
If I were a linguist, I would make it my mission in life to study profanity.
I daresay that would make me quite cunning.
(SOOOOOO glad I got in first with that one)
LFG, would that make you a cunning linguist? LOL?
Bwahahahaha
I’m a psycholinguist and I LOVE the word fuck. Also twatwaffle, OWhore, RIder of the Purple Dildo, and all the other swear words and novel words and nicknames that routinely appear on CL’s blog.
Flatterfuck? Glitterballs? Sparkledick? These are all great descriptions of vulgar souls that I picked up with Chump National.
I love this conversation about language. CL’s book comes from a place of rage– and she’s a wordsmith, clever and creative! So are lots here on CN, which makes me laugh and for a brief moment, makes me feel better. I’ve internalized so many phrases it’s amazing how many apt ones there are. I can’t even decide which is my favorite. Jim, Tracy happens to use the f-bomb and other flowery language. It happens to be very effective for these circumstances.
Maybe I am showing my own prudish side here but I like the term Schmoopie. It implies a certain level of distain without the need to be vulgar.
I see your point, but Schmoopie always sounds a little too cotton-candy for my taste, obliterating the extraordinary moral violations and human suffering that OW/OM cause.
I also use the word fuck buddy, or side fuck – as that’s exactly what the infidelity world amounts to. “Mistress” is a disaster of a word – implies some sort of sexy legitimacy – and glosses over things like minivan hookups.
My Tuesday arrived a while back thanks to Chumplady bitch slapping me into reality. Thanks CL!
I’ve always used Mistress Cock to refer to schmoopie, because that is actually her last name!
Linguistically, schmoopie is a great put down. It it implies cutesy, flippant, brainlessness. Someone with no depth.
Yes, but when your fuckwit or as in my case the divorce mediator with the background in couples counseling chides you for using the term Schmoopie to describe the AP because it shows a lack of respect you can come back with “well it is a lot nicer than some of the terms I could use to describe her that would be much more descriptive and accurate considering the level of disrespect she showed me” But yes, the others are much more amusing when used here.
Really? My attorney LOVED that I called the AP Schmoopie. She said she was going to use it going forward. While I appreciate calling a fuckwit a fuckwit, I loved calling Schmoopie “Schmoooopie.” Think Tony Curtis in Operation Petticoat, but saying “Schmoopie” instead of “Ramon.” It should sound just as patronizing.
I thought she didn’t deserve the dignity or the centrality of being an OWhore, Howorker, etc. She was simply “Schmoopie.” Sure, she was/is a parasite, but she’s not what made CheaterX cheat. He did that all on his own and because he could.
Can things get any weirder? And YOU were not disrespected?????!!!! What the FUCK!
Schmoopie to describe the AP
Schmoopie to describe the AP
Schmoopie to describe the AP
Schmoopie to describe the AP
Schmoopie to describe the AP
I am with you!
How could there be anything vulgar in infidelity?
Of course infidelity is vulgar but Schmoopie provides an option for those times when, for whatever reason, you chose not to be. It’s always good to have options depending on the moment.
I call bullshit. No true linguist objects to swearing. Since linguists are interested in how real people actually use living languages that are ever evolving, they actually spend a lot of time examining the beautifully darker (and often funny) aspects of language. Lots of work on the specialized diction of emergency room gallows humor, for instance. They wouldn’t fucking flinch at routine cursing,and very interested in regional variations. (My dad’s “Jesus H. Christ on a popsicle stick in Bamberger’s window,” for instance, would tell a linguist which part of the country dad was from.
I only have a Bachelor’s degree in linguistics from a top school, but I graduated with honors, and Jim is a (fucking) liar. Even as undergrads we studied profanity, including its use as an intensifier by correctly inserting profanity into the middle of multisyllabic words in English: identifying why “Ala-fucking-Bama” is spoken English but “Alaba-fucking-ma” is not. We had about twenty words to chant aloud with “fucking” dividing different syllables until we as a group could correctly and technically describe the pattern. The profanity-shy attitude Jim describes is not one of a linguist being a linguist.
Best insult below: calling Mrs Jim a “prescriptionist,” which is the best insult against a linguist, essentially de-linguisticking her. I howled with laughter.
Mr and Mrs Jim might be happy faithful church going English teachers or editors, with or without linguistic training, but Mr Jim’s borrowed authority from his wife (I’m a good married guy) (authority source is female like most of you!) (linguistics: she has an intimidating credential!) is sadly too much like the odd but not quite true justifications I used to hear from my ex.
Mrs. Jim must be a prescriptivist.
https://www.health.com/mind-body/benefits-of-cursing
Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer. (Mark Twain)
Totally agree Lola Fucking Granola (great change for your moniker). It would be a benchmark study in the linguist world (if there aren’t already two thousands of such studies)
My ex, when he was trying to feel superior to me, would also reprimand me for swearing. Somehow he was the better person because he didn’t swear in the middle of an argument or in front of our child. Except he really did once and a while, I just wasn’t allowed to call him out on it or it was different, insert another excuse here…Also, I guess lying and cheating were not as bad as swearing to him? Also things I was not allowed to call him out on btw.
There have been studies done that people who are more intelligent swear. There are also studies that say people who swear are more honest. I remember reading these studies and telling the ex about them. He thought they were a bunch of bs. Fuck him.
This weekend my ex contacted me asking if he should be worried that a debt collector contacted him about me. I asked for me info, so he sent me a screenshot of the message translation and said the message was to jarbled to get any info. The message was from 2 days earlier and no where in it did it say my name. He said it was probably a scam. Since we were on the topic of money, I brought up that he still owed my parents $1000 as part of the debt in our stipulation. He also owes me $1000. He responded with typical childish rage. Saying he’d never give me a heads up again, crying about some tax woes and throwing in that the neighbors were moving, so I’d have to finally mow the lawn myself.
Guys like my ex and Jim aren’t trying to help us. They are trying to feel superior. Get us in a gotcha moment.
True story. When I stalked the ex’s email (because my company, too, and I ran the IT from stem to stern) I saw one from one of their clients at the far flung epicenter of cheating. This colleague threw himself on the sword for, gasp, using blue language in front of the AP.
I about died laughing. Um, yeah, the whore’s delicate fucking sensibilities must have been deeply bruised by the dirty joke or cuss word or whatever. Because she’s just a sweet little flower or something.
Snort. I thought that was rich, especially since one of idiot ex’s earliest affair-oriented emails to her consisted entirely of this single image: picture of a very overweight boy wearing a tee that said, “I fuck on the first date.” Inappropriate (and bigoted) on every possible level.
Heh. Rumors of her sensitive, ladylike ways? Highly exaggerated, to say the least.
I got the whole “I can cuss whenever I want but you can’t ever” paradox, too. My psychologist helped me to see that people with NPD often do two things very well: splitting and projection. He couldn’t be anything less than all good in his mind, which meant that someone had to be the bad guy. (Me, obvs.) And he couldn’t reconcile the thought of me as a whole human being with a range of complex emotions, including anger when he lied/cheated/etc., so he would call me out on anything less than 100% of his ideal for purity/perfection (which is not humanly attainable anyway but it is an especially impossible way to live when someone is projecting all their flaws and sins on to you.) I desperately wanted to keep his approval so I fell into this emotional abuse and couldn’t see it for what it was.
Anyway, just wanted to share that in case others are experiencing this and trying to put their finger on why they feel so awful about themselves. It’s because even if you are the most devoutly pious religious person in the world, anger at cheating is NORMAL and RIGHTEOUS!!! Like CL says, it’s GOOD to get angry – it is protective! But cheaters don’t want you to be self-protective, they want you to stay compliant, and the best way to do that is to mindfuck you into thinking all the problems reside with you.
I think our ex’s must have been clones what with the perfectionism and all. In all fairness, ex tried to blame other things for his dissatisfaction in life (his job, where we lives) but then he started to run out of things to blame and I was next in line. Thank god he left before he got around to blaming the kids. Good luck Schmoopie.
Yeah, for the first years of our relationship, his unhappiness was usually because of his job, or sometimes the lack thereof. Plus the general idiocy of … nearly everyone on the planet, it turns out.
But once he figured out I wouldn’t be his Plan B (again! I had ‘won’ the pick-me dance around his previous affair)? And that the kids, too, weren’t buying his bullshit anymore (I love you so! And my moving 5 hs away to live with Shmoopie wasn’t abandoning you! I never stopped being a good dad! Despite my constant demands that you do what I want you to do, and sulking when you won’t!)? WE are the cause of his unhappiness! Mostly me, I’m sure, because clearly I have alienated the kids!
So now his constant fucking unhappiness can be blamed on evil me and his never seeing his kids. Poor him! I feel bad for whoever is falling for that line these days ….
@KarenE, your ex sounds hauntingly familiar to mine, only he moved 3 hours away.
This is my X too. Split and project. But no bad language- no emotion at all thanks.
I hate these fucking, mother fuckers, assholes, trou de cul de marde, tabarnack!!! Yes bastards, I can swear in 2 fucking languages! My ex can’t blame me anymore, so he is now blaming our 14 year old daughter for the trouble with his twuluve. Arrrgn
Are you Fucking kidding me?
Why do I want to know Jim’s backstory so much? ????
Fucking is literally what got us all here in the first place! The cheating ex wasn’t doing something as nice as “making love”. I think we have the right to use that word if anyone does!
You are spot on CL. Us chumps are climbing, crawling, and eventually striding out of Painville. Jim, do you ever swing a hammer? When you hit your thumb with a hammer do you sing angelic hymns, or do you roar “SON OF A FUCKING BITCH”. Nuff said?
As always love to CL and CN.
When you are mad, pissed and ready to cause physical harm, a slew of cuss words is much better – FUCK, SHIT, DAMNITTOHELL.
My cussing has calmed down as my anger and time spent thinking him as lessened. But you want to get me mad again? Let’s start talking him and the fuck channel will get turned up.
I am (so) wondering why Jim bought Chump Lady’s book…. (Jim’s linguist wife can delete the ‘so’ if she prefers).
Precise communication is vital to getting ahead, to making advances.
Le mot juste, from Gustave Flaubert (copied from google): “All talent for writing consists, after all, of nothing more than choosing words. It’s precision that gives writing power.”
When dealing with cheaters and their behavior, profanity IS le mot juste.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Np-PjftJN8
Captain:
Bad language or abuse, I never, never use,
Whatever the emergency;
Though “bother it” I may
Occasionally say,
I never use a big, big D —
Chorus.
What, never?
Captain.
No, never!
Chorus.
What, never?
Captain.
Hardly ever!
Chorus.
Hardly ever swears a big, big D —
Then give three cheers, and one cheer more,
For the well-bred Captain of the Pinafore!
Then give three cheers, and one cheer more,
For the Captain of the Pinafore!
I love Gilbert & Sullivan! Thanks for the smile.
Me three!
Actually, Jim’s defense of his wife’s prudishness may be a form of spackle and or pick-me dancing?
Sort of like “my wife doesnt use profanity so even though she is a cheater …._______ (fill in the blanks)
Yes, that is certainly a possibility: Jim found his chump’s copy of LACGAL and seeks to disqualify it. You have more imagination that I do, Kintsugi. And Jim certainly seems too occupied with trivial things for someone being cheated on.
You’ve made Jim’s life difficult, Tracy. She doesn’t appreciate it. His lovely cake providing wife, who would never explore the linguistics of swearing, has become a person that he doesn’t recognize! He’s blaming you Tracy. He’s found your book in the parlor, and his wife has become a pod person! You must be the one to blame! Because before your book Tracy, his lovely wife didn’t think for herself.
Sorry. I am using voice to text while I’m driving, and somethings get lost in translation. Either way, Jim is confused.…
Edith is pissed and Archie doesn’t like her curses!!
Why does Jim hide behind his wife while criticizing Chump Lady? His WIFE “cringes” so HE cringes? HE has no objection but his WIFE does so could Chump Lady please refrain from telling it like it is? Fuck that.
I admit that the some of the language here slowed my conversion to chump lady might from RIC rollover and die, but I made it and I would never turn back.
“I had no words to describe it that were not transgressive, because the experience was transgressive.”
Maybe if this were at the top of the site, I would have converted quicker. The truth is wonderful. Sometimes to speak of things of the devil, it takes words of the devil. Even my most pious friend absolved me saying healing takes many forms and the Lord will forgive you. Interesting that I got here through divorce minister in the first place.
And Jim, it is fucking funny snark and what is better than a laugh when you feel like dying!
Jim, if you don’t understand the reason for the potty mouth after being here, maybe you should click off. This place is a lifesaver as is.
Good post. I got here through Divorce Minister too.
Divorce Minister got me here too!
DivorceMinister.com
This is hilarious.
Jim,
What is your story? Why did you read the book? And, after reading the book, your only question is about profanity? Seriously?
Dear Jim,
Let me tell you a little something about the Power of Fuck.
It saved me from driving my car into a ditch when the husband I adored pulled the rug from under my life with a long series of graft and deceptions, then had the gall to pretend I deserved it. That was my life.
Fuck shit damn it to hell was his and the Sluterus’ face on every nail and SCREW as I and my 9 year old daughter tore down a deck to the posts and joists and rebuilt and stained it ourselves because we no longer could afford the basics of our previous life.
And then, Heyyyyy, Bitches! We did that shit exactly SEVEN MORE TIMES gutting rooms in our house with no debt while paying off 28K in debt.
When I began to hit my stride and accept that I had lost my stepdaughter and Cold Slab O’Meat had a new baby conceived during our marriage, my son died. Pardon me Jim for thinking at that point that God might be a fucking Asshole.
And yeah Jim. When I hustled another promotion out of my ass it was super cool to use that raise every year to pay for the deductible on a cone biopsy on my cervix Because after 48 years on this earth of ethical monogamy and clean Pap smears, the Welsh Manwhore gave me HPV which turned cancerous. The Sluterus still has HER Uterus.
Any real linguist would tell you that from the time of Chaucer to Joyce to Redd Foxx profanity has it’s place in our lexicon.
Cursing and Exaltation are the natural bookends of Human Experience.
So Let me ask you, Gentleman Jim, of the Top Five Worst Things that can happen in a life, I’ve hit THREE.
My Marriage My Child My Health. I haven’t lain down. I haven’t given up. If it takes a sprinkle of Piss and Vinegar to get me out of bed in the morning, what’s it to you? If not now, Jim, when would cursing be the appropriate response?
My current wife and I were both chumped in our first marriages. We will be married 15 years next month. Her first born son died last year from his alcoholism. Al Anon has been her lifeline, while I think Chump Lady has helped me face the grief and anger over being chumped that ties into this new grief.
It is a fucking mess!
We are digging out and so will you.
I love your example of mightiness, Luz. When I think I can’t remodel or fix up a home myself, I picture you rocking that remodel from start to finish and I feel empowered.
Your daughter is blessed to have such a strong Mama.
All the above laudations.
Luz is light and inspiration
“Cursing and Exaltation are the natural bookends of Human Experience”
Just Wow–you are one mighty FUCKING chump.
And I thought my FUCKER sucked Schmoopie’s small tities. I’m two years from DDay and one from Divorce, and I’ve been having a hard time putting one foot in front of the other. You’re mightiness has inspired me so much today—you’re a rock star. My daughter told me that I was unkind to Schmoopie because I called her “whore”. WTF?!?
As for Jim—Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn………….
Well written, Luz.
Damn Luziana – you’re one tough soldier – you give us all a REAL dose of how shitty reality can get – it can always get worse! We’re pulling for you!
Go for it – you deserve the best and karma owes you!!
Our sweet and oh-so-very-mighty Luz, this is why you are adored by all of CN. You teach and inspire each newbie and each seasoned vet. I always slow down my read when I come to one of your posts. The content and exquisite writing is always a gift.
I cry now for the loss of your son, and for the loss of mine. When my son was in the ICU he would flip me off and I would return the gesture. It was how we joked. Damn, I miss the little rodent.
????
Rock the FUCK on, Chump Lady. I fucking love you!
Well, I run in some pretty religious circles where a lot of people have dealt with Jesus cheaters and somehow still found refuge in their faith community. I have referred many people to Chump Lady but usually tell them there’s a lot of profanity. Most laugh. Those who don’t, I also refer to divorceminister.com, an excellent site run by one of our fellow chumps.
Its good to have options
Yes. I have to admit that in real life, I rarely (and I mean RARELY) say any kind of curse word. The truth is though, that like CL says, I have no other words for some of this stuff. My husband was FUCKING fetish prostitutes. No euphemism applies. What am I supposed to say? He wasn’t “making love” to them! He wasn’t “sleeping” with them –not at $800 an hour! That swear word is really the only one that applies. I don’t generally like swearing in the course of ordinary life because it really just isn’t necessary and can add anger and aggression in situations where it really isn’t warranted. But this stuff isn’t ordinary life and the anger and aggression is warranted here. Ugly terrible things can only be described with ugly terrible words. Those words were coined to describe the ugly and terrible. I don’t think they should be applied to random ordinary life happenings as they often are. I don’t like habitual swearing for that very reason. It will become so habitual it will lose its power. And we need those words to retain their power. We need those words to continue to shock and appall because they describe shocking and appalling things. It is nice to have options. Because both approaches give me things I truly need.
Jim. Your linguist (ha!) wife doesn’t give a tinker’s damn about the wonderfully foul language in your CL book. Your linguist wife is using the language to deflect you from its very powerful information. You need to keep reading.
I was never much of a swearer, mainly because I think overusing curse words dilutes their power so they’re not available to you when you really need them. I saved up all my fucks and shits for 45 years, and then ran through my carefully husbanded resources with abandon for about two years after the deception / discard. I’m pretty much back to normal, but I know that they’re in reserve for the next major conflict with XW.
Foul language has its place, and this is it.
Absolutely. I rarely cussed, never used the F word until the rug was pulled out from under me. I think hearing me call him a mind-fucker was what shocked him the most, even though he swears if he wakes up with bad hair, if the coffee isn’t warm enough, if rain is in the forecast, etc.
When I swear, it has impact. I have cussed more in the past two years than in my entire life, because those are exactly the words that describe my situation and what he is. #allfuckedup
I also never regularly cursed for the same reason of not wanting to dilute their power. But if ever a situation called for profanity, this was it. Upon finding out about x’s 10 year affair with our best friends wife, I fired off more expletives than I had in my entire life. Cuss words I didn’t even know I knew. It was appropriate for the situation and it definitely made me feel better. When faced with evil, nice was off the table. Time to drop the F bombs.
“Cuss words I didn’t even know I knew” Ha! I can relate. You get to a point where you run out of the ones you know you know but you aren’t done yet so you have to dig deeper to find some more.
Jim’s letter, as written, is a wonderful example of how to alienate.
He asks a question, then proceeds to invalidate the person he addressed. He doesn’t say anything about himself. He (1)says another person (who he credits as having expertise) thinks the language is bothersome, (2) tells CL things he represents as global facts (How would he know that the language detracts from the message for anyone but himself? He doesn’t speak for the entire world.), and (3) invalidates and patronizes her based on his myopic generalizations (Do yourself a favor…).
He doesn’t take responsibility for himself ONCE, nor does he figure in the reality that his perspective is one among countless in the world and address her with the humility appropriate to that truth as he shares his unsolicited opinion.
That kind of arrogant sanctimony doesn’t earn a response at all. It definitely doesn’t demand a respectful one.
Want respect? Offer it.
Amiisfree,
I respect all the negative comments. One should know one’s audience before expressing opinions. As a wise man once said, “opinions are like assholes, everyone has one.”
I have bought more than a few self-help books and they all offer platitudes and exaggerations. Our country is built on copious quantities of that type of bull shit.
Again, I repeat myself, I found Chump Lady’s book by searching Amazon for the word “chump.”
I am not interested in all the F*this and F*that on this message board.
What I am interested in is building my self-confidence and self-respect. I apologize if I come across as being as condescending since that is never my intention.
Good luck to one and all on this message board!
Jim Creamer
He writes below that he was chumped in a previous relationship. I think he was just offended at my language. Or my mismatched socks, LOL at Tempest.
Standing Ovation, Amiisfree–Jim’s attempt to invalidate. It’s like pointing out to the Boston Marathon winner that their socks don’t match, rather than lauding them for just breaking the Marathon record.
That’s exactly on point. Sets up a straw man as an expert. Disparages. Criticizes. Demeans. Signs off.
A hit and run.
We should dial down our rage for Jim’s ( and the linguistic genius wife) comfort level after catastrophic betrayal.
Nah. Pass.
My ex is squeamish about profanity. It’s part of his clean cut and bright eyed “nice young man” facade.
He doesn’t have a problem with sticking his dick into a budget tier dominatrix who stuffs dildoes up mens’ asses in hourly rate trucker motels for drug money. But if you are crass enough to say shitfuckcuntbitchprickgoddamnittohellyoubastard in his presence, he clutches his metaphorical pearls, sucks in air through his teeth, and recoils in horror.
It felt SO good to torment him with profanity and blunt sexual terms when I would confront him over his lying and cheating before I finally decided to dump him and be done with it. I would follow him around my house and out the door spewing out a stream of consciousness rant full of language that would make a sailor blush.
He’d whine at me to “stop being gross” and I’d come back with a vivid description of how his behavior was gross. One time I made him puke with it.
Good.
Hypocritical fake goody two shoes P.O.S.
This
Is
Comic
Gold
Holy shit Chump Lady – I’ve got to remember to NOT be drinking my coffee when reading your latest – I started laughing so hard I spilled my coffee – before I even got a sip! This one was hilarious (even more than usual) – poor Jim – he’s new here and doesn’t know the danger in this ‘Area of Operations’ yet – it’s filled with troops with bad attitudes – and we all have knife wounds – all in the back! Gentelman Jim is going to have get a fuckin’ war face on to hang out in this part of the perimeter – it’s where the all the fuckin’ ‘problem childs’ end up – and when you get here you realize – it’s home!!
Fuckin’ Aye!!!
Why is he reading the book, he or his wife could have cheated. I could be wrong, if she cheated the last thing he would be complaining of is swearing, sounds like he trying to put you down, of being controlling.
Cheaters are complex beings, they come in many varieties, mostly crap.
I deal with my ex, using the grey stone method, it really fucks him up.
Where I had to deal with the lies, sti, fake suicides, even worse lies than that, prostitutes phoning my house.
Your letter is confusing to me Jim. On the one hand your writing reeks of narcissism, kind of like the cheaters that we all have to deal with, yet you bought CLs book. I presume you read the whole thing too. You say Chump Lady’s message is right on so it would seem that someone (your linguist wife?) cheated on you. Most cheaters aren’t equipped for the kind of introspection it takes to digest her message, with or without “potty language.”
I guess I don’t have to know what your angle is to reply to your letter. It’s pretty simple actually. It’s a free a country. If you don’t like the language, move along.
I agree Cheaterssuck. Jim comes off as a narcissist more than a legit chump. Controlling, deflecting, and patronising of CL, and even kind of gaslighting considering the actual message of CL. I’m calling troll.
Amiisfree perfectly UBT’s it.
Another tip-off: it’s whiny and kind of indignant as in “It’s not [the] behavior, it’s your [collective] reaction [swearing! pottymouth! low rent!] to it.
If you’ve truly been chumped the LAST thing you’re worrying about is a bit of swearing. Especially when it’s so fucking funny and always deployed in context. My spidey-sense says possible cheater suffering narcissistic injury at being so accurately portrayed here.
If nothing else this seems like a bid by Jim for centrality and moral one-upmanship so he may need to do a LOT more reading if he is indeed a chump.
“I was offended at language that sanitized abuse, or worse, romanticized it.”
Fuck yes.
Also, I run a support group for parents whose children died. They say “fuck” a lot…I close the door so that people like Jim don’t hear their grief…its too sacred for the Jims …those Jims arent worthy of our “fucks”.
Mine was a Jesus cheater. Did not like my occasional profanity. Same person sent her boy toy messages about fuck me, sucking your dick is my favorite pass time, I want to be more than just your fuck buddy. Didn’t take issue with his romantic comments such as I am going to cum on your face then eat your pussy. Jim your cheater is no different. She is just trying to get you to skip in by CL. Doesn’t work well for her.
When I read this letter I was reminded of all the times fuckwit cheater admonished me about the WORDS I was using in response to his ACTIONS.
Fuck that shit!
And somehow I feel like this is tied to the whole “angry woman” crap our culture foists on us (yeah, not everyone here is a woman, but men aren’t admonished about their anger or cursing in the same way).
Anger is the proper response to the injustice done to us.
Humans curse when angry.
Woman are human.
So fuck off, Jim’s Wife. If you don’t want to hear “bad” words, don’t do bad things.
“yeah, not everyone here is a woman, but men aren’t admonished about their anger or cursing in the same way.”
Yup. I’ve never heard of a man being told “my, such swearing just because your wife cheated on you! How ungentlemanly!”
I am not sure it is really true that it is more acceptable for men to be seen as angry in this day and age. They tend to be seen as violent and angry and dangerous when all they have done is swear. They are more likely to have allegations of physical abuse levied against them and people are more likely to believe it.
They are not, however, considered ‘unmanly’ for their anger.
Women are often told it is not feminine or ladylike to be angry or show anger.
BTW, men are more likely to face allegations of physical abuse, and for those to be believed, because 99.9% of it’s true. That doesn’t make it less horrible for the falsely accused, but it makes it easier to understand.
Being ladylike is so overrated. “Feminity” is a wide umbrella; my definition certainly includes swearing like a sailor when a situation calls for it.
Tempest, same here…in public you will NEVER hear the F word. When in the company of chumps, I let the F word fly….like an eagle! It is sooooo freeing!
You’re right. It is when a man is being abused by his wife (physical or mental) that people find him unmanly and laugh…at him…for being abused. The only way to be considered a man is to get visibly angry, but then you risk going to jail. Tough choice.
It sucks all the way around for both men and women who are begin abused.
I was told by the X Asshat during the bit discard abandonment that I was angry every day.
I have thought quite a bit. I realize he probably saw it that way, much like a naughty child sees their mommy as always upset with them I know I was angry at him constantly for ignoring me and having to be the only adult in the relationship. He prevented me from enjoying myself at all since I was always walking on eggshells to accommodate him.
I am not angry in my new life.
Yes, exactly what my experience was. He did not allow me to exercise my own existence as an individual. I had to be there FOR HIM. And when I was angry for being neglected, for being a third or fourth priority, or for simply not being listened to, he would accuse me of having anger issues. I am no longer angry.
It’s good to see that trolls can be useful. This is a post for the ages.
And as someone who pretends to be a linguist when the course rotation calls for one, I can say Jim’s wife ought to know better. There are no bad words. 1500 years ago, “fuck” was just a useful Anglo-Saxon word. Jim would do better to worry about how cheaters use language to lie and to gaslight and to manipulate. That’s the obscenity.
Well if this isn’t the perfect fucking post for a fucking Monday morning I don’t know what the fuck is. Keep up the good fucking work, CL. We fucking love you exactly the way you are. And Jim? Shut. The. Fuck. Up.
Yeah Beth, Today’s fucking post was fucking great! hahahaha, love it!
This!
LOL, Beth. Spot on!
I refuse to sanitize what the X Asshat did.
He fucking abandoned me (by fucking e-mail) for a ho-worker our daughter’s age. It was the second fucking younger OW in our 28-year marriage. And as Luz says, he had the fucking gall to tell me that I deserved it. That fucking hurts.
So fuck off, Jimbo. I don’t have any elegant words to explain it to you any clearer that that.
During my marriage my cheater would often call “fucking bitch” whenever he felt I was not whatever he wanted me to be at that time.
It got so bad that after one time where he simultaneously pushed me against the wall and called me a few other names (his reason for this: he did not like my tone) I told him that the next time he calls me any name, I would divorce him. He stopped, but went completely still and made me feel like I was the worst, most disgusting person on the planet. That was when he made full on transition to the OW. I apparently stood up too much for myself and would no longer accept blame for his words and actions.
Dday came 2 years (!!!!) later.
After DDay I swore at him for making my life living hell for the two years. I used every colorful word I could find. Which was quite a shock coming from me; someone who basically never really swore before. He of course blamed me for his actions and then proceeded to tell me how disgusting my swearing was.
Fuck him.
My Ex had been threatening and violent in the past, so I did not curse at him. (And my confronting him about the second affair and every convo afterwards about the split occured in public places. The moron thought we were talking on the front steps so the kids wouldn’t hear.)
But he’s still super butt hurt that in a family counselling session much later (he was trying to repair the relationship with our kids that he had torn up, thrown in the garbage, then stomped on), I called him a jackass. Several times. (Kids were not present.)
Yeah, so awful, considering what you did, you fucking jackass.
I am a Mormon. Believe me – we are masters of “oh my heck” and “gosh darn.” “That sucks” is about as close to swearing as we get.
And then my fuckwit ex confessed he had cheated on me for ten years and that the cheating involved sex clubs, orgies, and two long term mistresses, and suddeny I couldn’t say “fuck” enough.
Cloud, my sister was a mormon, married a bigwig in the church in Denmark. He had mistresses all over the world, the phone calls would come around pay day where he had to send money to them. He had 4 kids with my sister, the last one is legally recognized as blind. He almost left her homeless (it wasn’t for want of trying) when he ran off with a Russian woman he “fell in love with” over the internet. I’m sure you can imagine the rest. She took all his money from the sale of the house and kicked him out. But what really got me was when two of the elders showed up at my parents house to lecture them on accepting my sister’s decision to become a mormon! My sister was a lying bitch and had told them all kinds of lies about my lovely parents. And it turns out that one of the elders was cheating on his wife, who had MS. That’s not a dig at mormons, moreso just a shout out to the fucking Jesuscheaters! Lying bastards all of them!
Cloud… I think I heard your story as we sort of functioned in the same orbits. (No outing people here, we all need our anonymity). When I heard it, I was heartsick and hoped you would find your way here. If I had had any way of contacting you then I would have invited you for coffee. I was a loving trusting Catholic wife whose long term spouse was a serial cheater. I’m so glad you found your voice and strength. If you ever want to chat you can ask Tempest to give you my email address.
Cloud I am Mormon also. But I swear frequently and have been told that you sure swear a lot for a Mormon. This book saved my life! After reading multiple divorce books some how I stumbled upon this one 9 months ago. When I started to read it and after the first fuck I knew I was hooked. It spoke to me in a way no other book I had read did. It spoke truth and if it took a few fucks it was well worth it. I finally saw things differently and started to realize my ex sucked. I was still addicted to him and couldn’t figure out why I didn’t hate him. Holy FUCK this book is amazing and I refer it all the time to people. Of course I tell my naive mormon friends about the swearing LOL. People ask me what has changed with me and I always say CL and her wonderful book!
Gosh darn frickin phooey used to be a big part of my vocabulary.
Because when your spouse is cringing at your words (linguist or not) and doing everything to make you feel like shit and inferior is the perfect time to say Fuck..
Sometimes strong words are the only way to describe what is happening to you.
There is a time for swearing. When the emotions run high, it let’s off steam in a relatively benign way. It does make one feel better. There used to be only two times I would ever swear, when I was on the computer (hey, they are frustrating machines) or when I was behind the wheel (channeling my road rage into words that nobody else heard). I took great pains to control myself when driving with the kids in the car and avoided potentially frustrating computer work at home. After DDay, I suddenly discovered a whole new host of reasons to swear. It was the first time I had ever sworn at someone to their face. I did so several times and I didn’t care who heard me (to be fair, my preteen and teenage kids had already heard it all before, just not from me directed at their dad). I really couldn’t control myself because my emotions were that raw and swearing provided an outlet for my anger that didn’t involve physical violence. The lesser evil you might say. Of course this made me a flaming hypocrite. The only boundary I enforced on my ex during our marriage and before DDay was that I wouldn’t let him swear at me. If he swore at me the conversation ended right there. But honestly, the things he tried to swear at me over really weren’t swear worthy (“damn it don’t you care about the smudges on the wall going up the stairs at kid hand height. Why the fuck don’t you stop the kids from doing that”). What he did was definitely swear worth and I am not ever going to apologize for calling him out on it in the most forceful way I could.
Now that the dust has settled it’s all bland politeness between us. It’s the easiest way to manage kid issues, child support or anything else that requires us to interact. It works because we both seem to get that but it’s all fake.
P.S.I might have let ex swear at me if he swore on a regular basis around everybody, but no, he only swore at me, never in front of anybody else because he didn’t want that to be his image. He saved all of his worst for me. I guess I was just that difficult.
I use a linguistics professor’s excellent advice: Profanity is always appropriate in the right context. The example she gave was her teenage son calling during class one day to tell her: “Mom, there’s a fucking bird in the house!” There’s also research suggesting that profanity reduces pain.
I’ve been reading Chump Lady for a few months, concurrent with starting EMDR and brain spotting, and the archives have really helped. Seeing that my ex is in no way special is always a relief. Treatment over the past 17 years has focused on more extreme abuse and never addressed the cheating aspect, so Chump Lady’s site has been a godsend at this point in therapy.
I love it when men tell me how to be more of a proper woman, I mean who else would know what’s best for me other than some Internet loser?
https://youtu.be/Vqbk9cDX0l0
Always a classic!
Best song about giving a fuck
In our one and only marital counseling meeting, Hannibal and I sat in front of the counselor. I asked him if he wanted to tell her our problem, or should I? He declined to admit what he had done, so I said, “Hannibal seduced a graduate student for 3 weeks, then fucked her for 3 weeks.”
He stated, in his pompous Oxbridge accent, “I object to that language.”
Even in my decimated state, I looked at him with incredulity.
(also–was not just 3 weeks + 3 weeks; it never is)
Heh, with the benefit of staircase wit, I would have replied “oh, I’m sorry. He stuck his cock in her cunt repeatedly – better?”
Perfect! Wish I’d thought of it (but I think my mouth stayed agape too long).
Tempest I’m English and it used to drive him nuts when I would put him down with my best English accent. I’m not naturally “posh” but boy I could stick it to him when I wanted and he HATED it! Oh well, he should have kept his dick in his pants shouldn’t he!
The whole point is to call people on their shit. In order to do that, you need to use the word ‘shit’.
An when you’ve been literally fucked over, you’ve earned the right to say ‘fuck’.
I really wish this guy had not used his name. I know a lot of decent people (some that I am close to) named Jim and I have to cringe a bit seeing everybody tearing “Jim” apart. I know people are not intending to pick on all Jims, but imagine how you would feel if his name was the same as yours. I feel bad for any chump here named Jim. I supposed some chumps cheaters were also named Jim and those chumps are probably loving it.
Yes this particular Jim is emblematic in this particular setting. We are somewhat sophisticated people who understand context though… if it were my name I would understand the meaning. We’re not all going to go out and curse out the first Jim we run into
Um yeah… this is about this particular Jim not a statement about all persons named Jim. I’m pretty sure any good guys named Jim who read this can figure that out. 🙂
No, actually there was a study and it was found that all Jims are bad people who spout nonsense shit their wife supposedly says. Google it.
Not to mention that other jims, who have read the article, probably realize that since they didnt write the featured letter, that none of these comments are about them.
Just like whenever i see comedians making fun of chris, i know it isnt me, because, well, i dont know these comedians.
My son (20) can have a bit of a potty mouth at times. Yeah, he got it from us. The in-laws have said they feel he shouldn’t use that language. I say to them that if that’s the biggest problem we’ve had raising him (and it has been), then we’re okay with that. Jim, the situation we’ve been put in without our consent, is worthy of asshole, prick, fucker, and whatever else we choose to say!
I’m very pissed off by the cheater’s mind games. Leave me the fuck alone!!!! We’re divorced. Stop trying to control me and my child. A simple scheduling issue always becomes a huge drama and tons of text exchange. I’m exhausted of his manipulative tactics. I wish I can completely leave the chess game. I must have said a lot of bad words over the past weekend to myself because this subject makes me angry. Schmoopie pretending to be the sweetest soul to my 5-year old makes me angry. So, fuck them!!! Fuck fuck fuck!!!
Here you go, Jim. Keep the trend alive.
Preach girl! Wtf is this about? Asshat got what he wanted, so why the fuck cant he just move along? And why does every small thing about our kid have to result in way more communication than necessary?
Because they hate us. Our authenticity, our decision to carry on, our ability to get to meh……it infuriates them. so they attack in anyway possible the only Avenue we are forced to keep open – the kid.
Just remember:
1. Who cares if they think they are winning bc you stop arguing, stop defending yourself; you aren’t playing the same game.
2.everytime you refuse to react with any emotion to their bs, you are telling them how unimportant they are.
I think Jim’s wife joined the site, he bought the book in order to find out how she’s coping, and what he needs to do to keep her dancing the Pick Me. With knowing what she is reading, he can maneuver accordingly, starting with badmouthing the language that is saving his ‘wouldn’t say shit if she had a mouthful’ devoted hopium smoker. Thanks CL & CN for always telling it like it is. You’re a lifeline in a very choppy unpredictable sea. I’ve spotted the shore, thanks to you, and I was pretty far out there. PS If I’m not wrong, she’ll be posting here in a year or two.
Traci I love the foul language your awesome please keep it! It makes it more fun.