Ever Run into Your Ex?
OptionNoMore suggested a column the other day — share the time you stood tall after having to face your ex or Schmoopie 5.0 at an event.
Then, Mr. CL offered this twisted suggestion — or share the time you failed miserably at this.
Was there glorious meh? Fifty-yard death stares? Vomiting on someone’s party shoes?
I know the interwebz are full of listicles on how to Clairvoyantly Uncouple for The Children. (Sticking jade eggs where the sun doesn’t shine?) But they never include the kind of advice you really need. Like a mantra of positivity so you’ll forget that time he fucked hookers while you were 7 months pregnant.
(This may be why no one puts me in charge of magazine listicles.)
We all know how hard it is to brighten up when the turd arrives in the punchbowl. For anyone who has 14 years of hostage drop-offs child exchanges ahead of you, please be assured that meh is real. You CAN rewire all those neural networks to yawn at their idiocy instead of cowering in a corner away from it. But it takes time — and really, who wants to do this work? To get over phobias, you’re supposed to expose yourself to them. Touch a spider, drive over a bridge, ride in the airplane.
Great. Now what if that spider BIT you, the bridge collapsed, and the airplane crashed into a ball of flames. Would you want to go anywhere NEAR that shit?
But chumps, this is what we’re called upon to do — gain a life. Triumph over fuckwits. Ascribe them non-meaning. Feed no kibbles.
How’d you do it?
TGIF!
I don’t know if I’m quite at meh, but I treat him like a horrible customer. I am pleasant and bland and all noteworthy things are in writing. We were both at an event for our kid recently and of course he sat right next to me. I spent the whole time euphoric that his sweaty, hairy legs were no longer my problem. And went home after to a house free of him.
I keep myself as far away as possible from him. Pretty sure if I come within arms length, I won’t be able to keep my fingernails out of his jugular. That’s not a joke.
My daughter (11) and I (54) signed up for karate yesterday. It’s time. The affair has been like being kicked 24/7 for months and we are going to learn to fight back in a positive way. Our first class is next Tuesday night at 7pm…we are both excited. It is actually the first time I have felt excited about anything since April 2017. Feeling powerful will help me when have to face him, which is a lot because we have the business and our daughter. My rage alternates with pity….affairs are sorry and pathetic and gross and so are the people who engage in them. I aspire to mature love and am beginning with me by letting go of Mr. Sorry Pathetic and Gross. If he’s with her, she’s not going to get anything I didn’t and I want real love from a partner. Anyone who knowingly gets involved with committed people have rocks for brains and I do not want a partner with rocks for brains…..the good ones don’t cheat and I deserve a good one.
PS….for you spiritual chumps, grab a copy of Emmett Fox’s booklet, “The Golden Key”. I Golden Key everything problematic and it has never ceased to amaze me. I Golden Key the AP, my husband, any person, place, thing, situation, or problem that comes my way, sit back, and watch the perfect solution happen. I have years of personal experiences with this, one of my favorite coping tools!
Thanks for that! It’s beautiful and I had never heard of it before.
That’s exactly where I’m at.
I do this as well. I try to avoid him. Switched days I shop at Costco because my friend ran into him and Schmoopie on that day of the week at Costco. Friend said ex, who has known this friend (formerly our friend that we vacationed with, he ran with, we hung out with) for 20+ years, just said: “Hey, how’s it going…” and kept walking. The wifetress looked away.
If I ran into him and/or her, I wouldn’t acknowledge either of them. Schmoopie-fest 2013 is probably dying a slow, agonizing death. They don’t need me fanning the fire of their twu-luv.
Then you should take up Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu to channel this impulse. Great sport, great exercise, and you’ll learn a wide variety of non-lethal chokes. Triangle choke, clock choke, baseball choke…even one called the rear naked choke (which isn’t quite what it sounds). He’ll pass out but he won’t die. Draw a permanent ink Hitler moustache on him while he’s out. He’ll keep his distance going forward and you probably won’t get any long term jail time.
That’s what sharpies are for.
First thing I did 2 1/2 yrs ago when I knew she was cheating again after reconciliation was find a gym. Puttimg someone to sleep is life changing, as is practicing the ability to focus and stay calm while someone tries to put you to sleep (or break an arm, or wrist, or leg).
FWIW chokes are only non lethal IF you let go, which is something I encourage everyone to do.
I shudder to think how often we played this very dangerous ‘game’ in our early teen years. I’m not even sure why we were doing it.
This is so good TKO, I’m getting spasms just thinking of the Hitler stache on him. *furiously googles how to master Brazilian Jiu Jitsu overnight*
TKO that is so hilarious. You made my morning.
How about the LETHAL chokes?!! I vote for learning those first!
They’re all lethal if you hold them long enough.
If ever there was a justification for the thumbs-up emoji, this is it.
I’m with Dixie! If you’re going to do it, do it right the first time!
It fades, I can relate exactly to that
Okay, since CL mentioned me, the story of my failure.
Sat next to cheater ex-wife at the HS graduation of our oldest child a month or two after the divorce was final. At this point I knew she was hot and heavy with one of her APs, who she’d eventually convince to leave his wife and kids to marry her. Feeling some gesture of gratitude was expected, I turned to XW and said, “Whatever our failures, we sure made some amazing kids together.” I expected her to say something positive—anything, though perhaps generic and pro forms—in return. Something that might put a positive gloss on what should by all rights be a happy occasion. Instead, cheater glanced at me, nodded slightly, and said, “mmm.” The way a teenage babysitter might absentmindedly respond to an annoying child next to them on the sofa.
I learned my lesson. Last kibble I ever gave her.
Moral of the story: it never pays to try to frost those turds with positive sentiments, even if superficial and ordinarily appropriate. Hold your nose and just step over them.
I messaged the ex something similar, “we’ve done good, well done us” for being decent parents during our first year of co parenting, a few nights later my kid (10) rings me in tears coz she couldn’t find her mum, I raced over just in time to see ex wife exit some guys car! (she only has our kid weekends). Now I just tell myself I’ve done well.
Now I feel totally vindicated seeing you on here Mr. CL. Very few men commenters. We need more not afraid to tell it and I know they’re out there.
I posted in another forum last year before finding CN seeking advice on what to do if I saw my x with her camperboy at a local venue featuring a band I loved. Truth was I was scared how I would react. I thought it best to take a possee with me, moreso for me than anyone else. I have no Fucking Idea why I was afraid of a confrontation.
On one of her, “mail collection, UN-announced, drive-by manipulation/hurt visits”- she gloated over her new status and truwuv in her new floral dress and boots. I sat watching the acting out of a 12 year old, spoiled girl…My early days of 180. (After making every mistake possible no less)
She made the comment after I let her know I was planning on attending this event, “WE might just see You there!” A challenge.
Now in reality I was freaked she’d show up to make it a public spectacle. All our kids are grown. I’d had movies playing of Handcuffs, Orange jumpsuits or an ambulance ride for someone. I went with Tracy’s words ringing in my ears, “Find Your Badass”. I’d been told, “Go and Live Your Life. Don’t change your plans. Do YOU.
I didn’t realize at the time (and hindsight) that IRL to show up in public would risk the destruction of the Operating Narrative put in place by the Dragon. I hadn’t fully comprehended that serial cheaters protect their APs. Loyally. Triangulation method one. Array the competing forces against each other. Even if they’re avatars.
Today, I don’t think I’d react at all other than laugh in her face. I feel like I’d walk up, introduce myself, shake the man’s hand and say ThankYou for relieving me of duty. Good Luck with That.
FEAR.
Future. Events. Aren’t. Real.
False.Evidence.Affecting.Reality.
For me, I’d call that a WIN. The first of Many on my path to Badass MEH. I hold fast to the promise of MEH. It is the last toll across the bridge of humiliation.
Face Everything And Recover!
OMG! “Serial cheaters protect their Ap’s. Loyally.” That was my stbx. The threats if he thought I would talk to the howorker. I now see that he was terrified of me exposing his constant lies. I have yet to meet her face to face. She wasn’t even born when my stbx and I began dating. Now as the end is near, I think if she is stupid enough to have an affair with a man as old as her dad then she can wipe his sparkly old turds. I’m done with being the marriage police.
Dear Mr. Chumplady,
Your child is amazing because of you and her resilience to adversity. Your cheater is the adversity. Anything else is purely spackle.
Hehehe, nice one, Mr ChumpLady!! “It never pays to frost those turds…” ????????????
“Hold your nose and just step over them.”
Priceless MCL.
My stbx’s sister gave him a frosted plastic dog turd Christmas ornament one year for a joke. I hated it. Guess she was prescient.
They make that?
OMG – that would be the ultimate prize in a gag gift exchange!
Or…offer it to ChumpLady as a prize to be given to the author of the wittiest post of the year.
Wut?
Can you post a photo of that frosted dog turd ornament?
Sorry, no. Last Christmas, I knew I wouldn’t be spending another with him, so I packed up our ornaments in separate boxes and left his with him when I moved out. Just think, circular, all piled up, with a pointed tip, and all covered in silver glitter. It came wrapped in cellophane and tied with a red ribbon. If you google “turd christmas ornament,” and search images, it looked a lot like the very first one.
Good Idea! It coukd make a nice birthday card for sparkledick if it weren’t for NC and zero kibbles
Mr. CL… I learned that same lesson.
I’m the full-time parent. Uncle Dad takes our son for dinner one night a week and then every other weekend (where the pick-up/drop-up seems to get shorter and shorter).
I’m the one cooking, cleaning, working full-time, teaching our son personal hygiene; how to dance with girls; doing homework; chasing down doctor appointments; finding summer camps. You get it.
In the beginning, as our son was continuing to do so well in school and with friends and excelling in sports and activities in spite of the abandonment and the OW and her kids, I said something similar and expected him to acknowledge that it was really all that I was doing (I know that sounds narcissistic, but it is just a tired Mom who gives her all 24/7 looking for a kibble!)… and all I got was “YUP”
Moral of the story: don’t go to a dry well for a drink of water.
Thanks for the reminder–I remember telling my ex-boyfriend, who I hadn’t seen in over a week, that I missed him, which I thought was a positive gesture, before his first discard of me. He told me, ‘It hasn’t been that long.’ I told him that his response felt invalidating and hurtful.’ If he couldn’t say, ‘I miss you, too,’ or at least ‘Thank you,’ why couldn’t he just keep his mouth shut or better yet break up with me? Several weeks later, I said the same thing to him, and he responded the same way! And this is coming from a guy who has the memory of an elephant. I should have permanently left him then, if not a lot sooner. He was frequently willing to show me his contempt for me in overt or covert ways. What a fool I was to let him routinely mistreat me in a variety of ways.
“Uncle Dad” …that’s hilarious
I call mine Uncle Daddy. What a coincidence.
It really is hilarious and sums things up very well. It’s now part of my CN-acquired repertoire of terms, snarks and definitions. Uncle Dad…
I love it. I say that my ex “gay uncles” instead of parents – he wants to take them out for an afternoon of fair rides, balloons, ice cream and glittery arts and crafts projects, and then drop them back home so I get to deal with the sugar crash, nausea and sunburn after the fact…
(No offense to actual gay uncles who may in fact look past the sparkly fun afternoon of accessorizing with children!)
Oh mine is the opposite. I get told by my ex that I’m a good mum all the time. I ignore it or I grunt. Because I don’t need his validation, his opinion of my parenting means nothing at all.
His parenting on the other hand deserves about a 3/10 so how would this idiot even recognise a good parent anyway
Oh, mine does this all the time. It’s not touching or poignant, it’s sad sausage all the way. When I bought my first house (a few years after divorce since he wasn’t sucking away my money anymore) he said “You deserve a nice house”. All I said was “Yup, I do”. If he feels the need to acknowledge my greatness, I’ll agree. But he hopefully has stopped expecting anything from me, because I can’t be bothered.
Just for funsies, last month he had to sign the first check for child support with my married name on it. He misspelled the last name, the one my SO has had for the entire 6+ years we’ve been together. We had a great laugh at that, he probably thought I’d have to talk to him again to get him to fix it. Nope. I fixed it and deposited that sucker because no kibble for you!
Meh is such a wonderful place.
Mine is also all accolades about my mothering. Has said several times that the kids couldn’t have a better role model. That I go beyond to take care of them (not sure if that is a backhanded compliment). Says that he couldn’t ask for a better mother for the kids.
So, let me get this straight. I possess all the qualities of a great role model. I am caring for the needs of others. I am responsible and thoughtful. But, not good enough to be your wife? Some OW is better suited to you?
Well, thanks. I’m basically the cow that birthed your children, milked them and now finish raising them beautifully. Isn’t it ironic that the OW does not have custody of her three children? But, hey, “She’s just a good person who’s made some mistakes in her life…”
Wow me too! I am an incredible mother, business partner, amazing, brilliant, trustworthy beautiful ethical etc but you don’t want me to be your wife? Maybe it’s because birds of a feather flock together…explains the Craigslist hooker/soulmate….I better start accepting his rejection as a compliment…..
They are just giving you compliments so you will keep doing all the work.
Of course they don’t think you’re wonderful or brilliant or better than their AP. If they thought you were a prize- they would not have cheated on you.
Because they respond to kibble, they are manipulating you with fake accolades so you will keep making their life easy. Hard work is for the little people.
Wake up!
Yeah, same. I got the, “You’re just too judgmental. She’s made mistakes, just like all of us have, but people aren’t defined by their mistakes. It’s how they deal with them that counts.” Puh-lease. I have never been married to a felon and I have certainly never dated one married man after another, ditching my kids with whomever so I could travel all over with my married man of the month, until I finally found the one stupid enough to blow up his family for me. Nope, not “everyone has” made those mistakes. Ever.
We see each other several times a week. 99% of the time, his newest gf and their infant are there too.
We share several small children from our marriage and he comes to most sports, drop off, pick up, extra events like school functions. Glad he does for their sake.
The thing is, there is a learning curve. I’ve gotten to the point where my opinionated self has learned to stay mostly quiet around him.
At first it felt like torture to have an OW hanging around constantly. Now I feel some sadness for her that she is stuck with him. I’m very neutral on the whole thing now. Maybe that’s my “meh.”
Dear SeeyaPeterPan-I think the best, most blessed, most peaceful, miraculous place to be is at neutral. It would be my “meh”, if it ever happens. It is the one thing I want now-just to feel nothing about him anymore. Congratulations, I think you’re there.
I managed not to run into my ex for 10 months, but inevitably I ran into him and his newest victim at an event. I forgot everything I had rehearsed in preparation for the occasion and just froze in place like a deaf mute. Then when I recovered I just sputtered a great to see you response and hightailed it out of there. My new beau who was nearby at the concession stand and witnessed it all came smiling up to us with our snacks in hand and they exchange introductions because I’m comatose again. Then when the narc leaves asks me “who was that?” Now here’s the funny part that I REALLY want a do over on. My response? I squeaked ” heartbreaker! Heartbreaker! Heartbreaker!” And nearly collapsed in his arms. Yeah. None of that was in the script. I hope there is no next time but if there is hopefully I’ll be ready lol!
Luckily, ex narcopath and I do not have kids together, so the most contact I have is driving by him.
Lately the universe has put him across my path daily for example, I’ll be pulling out of a street and he’s driving up the road and then I’ll end up directly behind him at a stop sign. Or me behind him.
He remains delusional in that he thinks I will still be friends with him. I ignore him look away while he waves like a fan girl or gapes at me in the mirror. His waving is so ridiculous that it would be comical if I didn’t hate him so much.
Most of the time I ignore him and turn my head away. Eye contact with that sort of evil makes me sick.
I know this is not very meh, but I particularly love this strategy because being ignored drives him nuts. After him using all my weaknesses against me this is the one of his that hurts him the most and gives me a bit of satisfaction for about 5 seconds. And then I drive away and forget about him.
I could have written this comment for it used to happen to me daily. I kept wondering why he was continually being placed on my path. One day I actually screamed out to the cosmos ~ WHY!!!!
I suddenly began to write this, which I share with you. I think the cosmos answered my scream …
On 9/17/16 ~ I cried out to the cosmos – why are you constantly putting him on my path?
The answer I got was – Dear one, it isn’t. The cosmos as you call us is putting YOU on his path. HE is the one who has made all the bad choices. But bad or good, the choices are his to make. HE knows what he should do but as the Tarot continually says ~ he is a currently a force that cannot be diverted from his path, even if the path is not the correct one. He must choose ~ right or wrong ~ he is not above this, life is about changes and growth ~ he has not faced that and has hidden with alcohol abuse, addiction abuse ~ and even psychological abuse of those around him.
By putting YOU on his path the cosmos is presenting further choices that are his to make. A reminder of what is good and what has sustained him in the past is all that is being done. The choices he currently makes are selfish and egotistical choices. He says he is trying to find God but his actions show different. God can only present choices and hopefully he will see these choices and act accordingly. Until he does there is nothing like the Tarot says that can divert him from his destructive path.
The cosmos would also like to remind you that his current bad choices are nothing new ~ they are only supplemental bad choices adding to the life he has lead for several if not many years. He is lost and may not be found. He may choose to remain in the life he has chosen and several years down the road realize the path he has been on ~ or choose to die on that path. It is his choice ~ just as it has been your choice to put other’s needs ahead of your own.
Do not be afraid of the future. All will be okay. The pain you are feeling now will subside ~ new choices will be presented to you at the proper time. We thank you for the love you have shown for him and the support given to him over the years. It was decided that enough was enough. He would continue to take and you would continue to give. He must be free to make his own choices and to either grow to be the person he should be or to forever remain in his ‘lostness’.
When I read what I had wrote, I was stunned. A friend told me it looked like ‘Godwriting’ so I researched that for a bit and just went on with my life. Strange, huh?
@JodyLynch, this is amazing and exactly right. It’s so helpful to get an amazing jolt in perspective. THEY are the assholes. We’re THEIR penance.
The last time I saw x (I’ve only seen him about four times in almost 3 years since D-day) we were perpendicular to one another at a four-way stop.
The 57-year-old pedophile who advertised himself as “28” on his Craigslist ads had become very appearance conscious in the last few years. Especially with manscaping and his hair. He was super vain about it in an utter 180 degree pivot from the man I married. Anyway, when I saw him at the stop sign, his dyed-dark-brown color and cut looked exactly like the Lego hair piece you can stick on a square-headed Lego man. Hahahaha. I’m sure the tween Filipina prostitutes he favors are fooled.
In 1988 I was cheated on by a live-in boyfriend. In the ensuing years, I have ended up being seated at tables next to him in various restaurants around the county no less than 6 times. The first time was immediately after he moved out (he had assaulted me and broke my foot; I was on crutches and when I realized he and the OW were at the next table, I packed my food and left). With each encounter, I noticed feeling more and more neutral, until the last encounter 8 years ago when I realized I felt 200% neutral and totally unruffled. The encounter also revealed that he was evidently feeling guilt or some kind of ick, which I did not at all. That experience is helping me now to realize that I will reach the land of Meh with my little girl and without my husband, in my soon to be restored beloved car. Someone told me long ago that “why” is not a spiritual question….I never ask why but try to stay alert for the gifts and lessons inherent in the circumstances…..
I came across this months ago and posted it on my FB page:
“As Christians, we want to believe that God brings things TO us. But, we must also accept God’s love in removing things or taking things FROM us that are causing harm.”
What we something wish for isn’t always what we actually need. And, sometimes, losing something may be the best thing ever.
Option No More,
I am agnostic, but I appreciate you reminding us that losing something may be the best thing ever–like not getting a ticket on the Titanic. I am going to tell myself that last partner. post-separation boyfriend/’friend’ of 30 years discarding me for his work subordinate may have been a blessing, even if I never again have an intimate partner. I’ll never know for sure, but I won’t rule out the tiny possibility that I might be better off without him, a controlling, disrespectful liar in sheep’s (Mr. Nice Guy) clothing.
RSW what happened to you becoming a Buddhist nun? Agnostic?
I heard somewhere that when things aren’t going the way you want, you are being protected. I can say that is the truth looking back and I am trusting that it is so now….
Jodi, I also had a similar epiphany when questioning why ex narcopath was increasingly crossing my path in the past few weeks.
One, this is my one year anniversary of being free from him. I have been doing a lot of comparing in my head, of how I was feeling and acting one year ago vs. Now. I have found my peace that I desperately prayed for and am in a much better place emotionally.
Two, I also think that seeing him is not about me anymore and its about HIM seeing ME. I know that he regrets I am no longer his kibble dispenser. Sure, he has a new supply, but I was good and I know this because after every new supply breakup, he tries to come back. Except this time, I am extreme no contact.
nicely done! what a great connection you have with the universal spirit or whatever you call the higher power. we have just learned that a grandchild is on the way. i broke CN rule and reached out to him to exchange celebratory exclamations of joy. then i cried that we couldnt be together for this experience. then i remembered that he cared so little about the family he threw us under the bus without a thought. what an emotional roller coaster. i want meh but still at pissed off and sadness. it is a process..good grief!
Jodi that was beautiful!
Thank you Jodi!
“We thank you for the love you have shown for him and the support given to him over the years. It was decided that enough was enough.”
Something changed inside of me when my mother died. As much as I loved her she lost herself in the never ending cycle of abuse. Broken months later, I knew I could no longer follow his path. I was told it would kill me. Things fell into place with a great therapist within weeks and then in my desperate search for answers I found this nation.
Damn Jodi. That was beautiful. Thanks.
Thanks Jodi. I have recently realized that God did answer my prayers. Delivered me from the hell of narco boy. It was not the answer that I thought I wanted. It was the answer that I needed.
I love this. ❤️
Hi Jodi. This helped me!
I’m deeply religious and (long story) gave up the love of my life when I was 25 because he was not of my faith. I married within my faith my stbx who ended up being emotionally abusive and who cheated on me for 10 years with 2 mistresses. I’ve spent years asking God to explain please…
Your post helps me reframe it. Thank you.
Cloud, I was speaking about my story to a co-worker and we were talking about how faith is a gift and how I didn’t really get how God would give this gift to me and not others (namely my ex). She pointed out that it is given to everyone, just not everyone accepts it. She said faith was there for my ex to receive through me for 17yrs and he chose not to. Your right about reframing!
Beautiful. Thanks so much for sharing. I feel like it spoke to me, as well, dear Jodi Lynch. Precious. Thanks again.
After almost eight years I can usually muster up enough indifference to treat him like an unpopular distant relative that nobody wants to sit next to.
Which is pretty much what he is.
This 🙂
Yes! This exactly!
My first encounter post break up with The Turd occurred quite unexpectedly almost two years after I began NC. I was headed to a concert for an obscure band that I’ve loved forever. I parked my car and headed to the venue, prepared to take my place in the line waiting to get in. As I was walking toward the end of the line who do I see at the very end – right in front of where I’ll be standing – but The Turd himself. Alone.
I sneered at him, and he sneered back. Then I took my place immediately behind him in line. I kept my composure. I never acknowledged his existence for the hour we stood out there. I could only see him from the back, but to watch his posture slowly wilt like a dying flower as I pleasantly chatted up other concertgoers in the line was glorious. So glorious that I took a picture of it to laugh at later. It looks like he’s trying to merge with the wall he’s leaning on. I still go back and look at that picture every so often when I want to laugh.
Despite my cool and collected outward appearance (I would never give him the satisfaction of falling apart – we may be chumps but dammit we’re stubborn), I was freaking out inside and on my phone, where I immediately starting sending all caps texts to my bestie.
In true BFF fashion, she called another friend, circled the wagons and came down there. Not to go to the concert. Not to confront The Turd. Merely to be my cheering section while I tried to be mighty in that line. We laughed, joked and had a great time. Then the line began to move. I went in and they went home.
Inside, The Turd stood three people over from me near the stage. I had the good fortune of being surrounded by fun people – including lots of guys that I flirted with for his benefit – and we chatted each other up, talked, laughed and sang together and generally had a fantastic time. I’m still friends with some of those folks. He stood there like a statue all night, even during the show, not smiling, not singing, not dancing, not even moving. What a drip.
The most surprising part of the whole thing is that a year earlier, while I was being unknowingly discarded, I bought tickets to this band’s show for us, and he blew me off the night before. Later, when I figured out I’d been chumped, I figured he’d been pretending to like the band for my benefit all along.
I’m still not sure if he showed up because he liked them or because he knew I’d be there, but I’m pretty sure he didn’t expect the (non)reaction he got.
I love your friends!
A tangential version of a small triumph:
A few years ago my ex-in-laws were in town when my EX did not have custody, and at their request I took the kids to the local hotel where they were staying and dropped them off for a meal with their grandparents. I was polite and bland and brief in my interaction with them. My ex-father-in-law did all the talking for himself and his wife–he was similarly civil and distant.
When I returned to pick the kids up, my ex-father-in-law asked if I would take a picture of the group together on his camera in the hotel lobby. I agreed. But, my ex-mother-in-law was furious, she didn’t want to pose for me; she was mad that I was there. She called me names under her breath. I just kept on not engaging–talking with my kids and admiring the “art” on the walls. Her husband pointed out that the photo was for them. The photo would be on his camera. It was not going to include me, etc. She was 80-years-old at the time. Due to their son’s unwillingness to make much time for them when he had custody, they were lucky to see the kids once a year. And this was how she chose to close out their dinner together.
She finally agreed to stand in the photo. She closed her eyes and scrunched up her face. I took a few shots and said, “I don’t think everyone’s eyes are open in any of these.” My ex-father-in-law just thanked me for trying and took his camera back. The kids and I left.
After my divorce, it became clearer and clearer where my EX developed his entitled, angry attitudes. I almost felt sorry for my ex-father-in-law with his jackass son and wretched wife.
What a cunt.
You have remarkable patience!
This is incredibly childish. But I wish you could’ve Photoshop her face out of the pictures. And then shown them to the family and exclaimed: it’s the darndest thing! she just doesn’t show up – like Bram Stoker’s Dracula.
Maybe next time you will have to tell them, “sorry we have plans”. I can’t imagine your kids would enjoy spending time with your ex MIL.
I was a loyal, devoted daughter-in-law for 25 years. I never missed an invitation, had my in-laws over for meals, brought nice gifts for every occasion, brought good food to every potluck, washed dishes, made pleasant conversation, never had a hard word with any of them. After DDay and X’s decision to abandon me and our 4 kids, they never spoke to me or their 4 grandkids again (the youngest is 10 years old). My SILs never invited my kids to any of the cousins’ birthdays, etc., ever again. They are the most judgmental, clannish Norwegians ever but yet they permitted X to bring young (15 years younger) golddigging (Italian) whore to their family functions before we were even divorcing. Makes me sick.
I didn’t blame them for X’s choices, and I would have been happy to bring my kids to see them. The one time my son (then 19) called his grandpa on Father’s Day crying about the pain of what X did in abandoning him and the family his grandpa said: “X was desperately unhappy and his happiness matters most.” Fucker! My son said he will NEVER see any of them again. I hope grandpa regrets his choices every day for the rest of his life.
MC 99, you could be writing my story. Its unbelievable isn’t it? My ex mil said “he deserves to be happy” as well. Never mind the hell he put his kids and me through. They too invited the gf to a family dinner. I was part of the family for 20 years but they haven’t spoken to me since ex walked out. We arent even divorced yet! My mil asked one of my daughters how she liked having someone new in her life. She said, shes not exactly new, shes been there since before dad left. But since you ask, I hate her. Mil said “oh ok”, and changed the subject. Deep as apuddle!
I love your daughter’s honesty. Strong girl. I wonder if the MIL drank the Kool-aid or knows of the affair and just doesn’t care. Narcs often don’t fall far from the tree.
Yuk. What a piece of work! However, your father-in-law should have set her ass straight, apparently a long time ago as his relationship with his grandkids will suffer. He should leave her home the next time he wants to visit the grandchildren.
It’s been almost 5 years and I guess since we’re separated by about 50 miles, that’s enough to keep me from ever seeing him. I can’t say that I’m sad. I did see the OWife in a random airport out of state. That was unnerving for a minute or so. Haven’t had the pleasure of running into them together yet but since the ex and I have two adult children, it’s bound to happen some day. Meh, like verity297 said, I will treat him/her like unpopular distant relatives that nobody wants to sit next to.
same. it is been 4 and half years since our divorce. he moved to a town 90 miles away. i never see him or his troll. .. . although we have 2 boys, he has chosen to be an absent father. we have not seen him since January 2017 until last month. apparently he broke up with his thing and so he called me. i foolishly drove that 90 miles so my boys could see their dad. we actually had a good visit. and he and i were talking for the first time since our divorce. .. . it only lasted 2 weeks since he got back with the demon troll and has ghosted us again. .. . however, i was polite and nice but tried not to be overly friendly. i also tried to keep space between us. only talking about the children and did not get roped in when he started complaining about his then ex girlfriend or how much his life sucked. ..
i doubt that he will share in our childrens lives. one boy is a junior this year, i honestly do not see wasband going to his graduation. and by the time my 12 year and 16 year old get married he will be long gone and we most likely will not even know where he lives. however, it might happen. i will probably treat him the same way i did this time. i dont know any other way to be but i am good at keeping the crazy away from my life. i wish i could ignore him completely but i am just not built that way. even after he allowed his demon troll to harass me. ..
fortunately it is not something i have to worry about since she keeps him away from me and away from our boys. i believe he will regret it one of these days when the boys are older and dont want anything to do with him.. . .. but that is neither my problem or my worry. i have the kids in my life every single day. i have peace and happiness. .. life is good for me
You ran into the OW at an airport somewhere else? Wow! What are the odds of that?
Right? I thought the same thing traveling the World. Someone told me to play the lottery that night because clearly the odds gods were working with me (sort of). I never did though.
My daughter and I has the misfortune of running into Dr. Dumbass at the airport in a different state just 2 weeks after I found out about mistress and he moved out. We both just said “hi” and moved on. He looked like a sad sausage and texted to say he’s sorry if it was awkward for us. Ya think? Moron.
He was coming back from a religion conference which was his whore’s next hook-up place. He swore she didn’t come. I’ll believe that never.
My daughter and I were headed to Thanksgiving without him.
My storytelling tales (with KK in attendance, with RPD in attendance, with RPD’s ex in attendance, blah blah blah) are well documented in the General Forums.
Less well known are the more frequent, less spectacular instances when we are in the same space — E the Elder’s gymnastics meets, M the Younger’s drama performances — where she either puts on some type of “show” (walking by my seat, holding hands with RPD) or forces some type of interaction that includes her regrets that I’m “not more of a mature person, for the sake of your daughters.”
Last year I had to meet her at the post office so she could submit new passport applications for the girls. Always so prideful of her organizational skills, it was great fun watching her argue with the post office clerk when it was determined that she’d done a ton of pre-work on the wrong forms. It was also determined that she needed additional copies of birth certificate copies, which I had at our marital home. As I explained to her exasperated face why I couldn’t go retrieve them that very second like she insisted I should, and that I would get them to her within a few days, I was focused like a laser on her latest adornment: a nose stud.
I broke out in semi-stifled giggles of relief as I considered how lucky I was that I was not still married to this 45-year old wannabe teenager, devolving into the ‘cool kid’ she always secretly wanted to be but never was.
(Postscript: last night E the Elder mentioned that “Mom says this all the time: ‘I’m the cool mom in your friend group, right?’ And I’m, like: ‘No…’,”)
Cool moms don’t cheat.
“I’m the cool mom, right?” LOL – reminds me of an ex-boyfriend from HS, who is actually my oldest son’s biological father. He was a pretty good looking guy – and he knew it. When I would introduce him to people he would later ask me what those people said about him. After awhile I realized what he was expecting to hear (how great looking he was.) I would just respond with “Oh, they thought you seemed like a nice guy.” I think he was disappointed with THAT comment. He ended up to be a complete loser too.
“If you have to say you is, you ain’t.” Something about cheaters and needing to be perceived as something noble while behaving like a knob. It’s the easy way out: I want to be cool and good and respected, but it’s soooooo much work and soooooo hard to go against type, so I’ll just say that I am and hope it sticks to the wall – then do whatever the fuck I want, still proclaiming.
Since I’ve managed to not see anyone (thank you geography and my scorched earth approach), I have the reputation of being the total bitter bitch who can’t get over herself enough to sit for family portraits or hug in public. Because I can avoid all uncomfortable contact with people who never liked me to begin with, I’m the sore victim. It’s so nauseating.
Bitter bitch? Nope … Smart Cookie!
Postscript: last night E the Elder mentioned that “Mom says this all the time: ‘I’m the cool mom in your friend group, right?’ And I’m, like: ‘No…’,”)
Hahahahaha! That must kill her every time!
“I’m not like a regular mom; I’m a cool mom.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yEQV2OJVBx4&start_radio=1&list=RDtO07InCjcLs
I haven’t seen or heard from him since the day I dumped him 2 and a half years ago. Maybe he moved far away.
Ha! Your indifference is truly mighty.
The singular reason I occasionally search for my ex is to be sure I know it if he ever moves back here.
Love it so much that he is gone!
I avoid my ex at all costs. It is tough, being we live in a very small town and both work in the same small town.
My ex not only was a cheater and was abusive and continuing the abuse through the older teenager children.
I am not sure if I will every get completely to “Meh” because of the abuse. If avoiding him and his flying monkeys make me deal with it better, then so be it.
My ex is abusing me by proxy, too.
Total no contact for two years since august 2016 isn’t enough.
Our daughter’s graduation in October is going to be a torture for me. His family especially his sister are his best allies. He cheated, yet he gets support. He’s smearing me and telling lies to deny or minimize what he did. I’m telling the truth, I can show evidence. I have to prove it and everybody’s telling me what I did wrong…the sexless marriage, me being suspicious, cold and controlling. He can just deny everything. My Switzerland family will come up with some new advice that will make me feel inadequate and guilty for him being a serial cheater. His sister with no evidence of cheating slapped her husband on Christmas Day in front of a room full of guests. According to her point of view instead I was supposed to keep his brother, the sick serial cheater, despite the proof of massive fraud, hundreds of thousands of euros.
I count on karma timing, in October one of the many jealous angry husbands will find out and send him to the ER. Just in time for him not to come to graduation day with a broken nose.
It’s the only solution I can find. I’m already upset thinking of how that day he or his family will hurt me in one way or another. Fingers crossed.
Merry Chump, Graduation day for your daughter should be a time of celebration for you as the person who brought your lovely daughter into the world, and raised her up, giving her the tools and support to achieve all that she has so far. Take along a good thick & thin buddy who will support you on that day, run interference on the fuckwit inlaws and encourage you to enjoy it for what it is, a celebration of your daughter’s achievement. Ex’s sister sounds like a drama queen who likes the spotlight and needs to be grey rocked as much as possible, she probably gets off on seeing your upset. You have nothing to be ashamed of, your exes behaviour is unacceptable, and you imposed consequences, not just for your sake, but for your child’s. I am sure if you spoke to your daughter and she is sympathetic she could spend time with Dad’s side of the family for part of the day, and you and her could have a more meaningful, private celebration separately. I am sure your daughter is aware of the sacrifices that you have made for her, and that bond is worth more than any stupid shit that the family attempts to throw your way. Good luck, I hope you find a solution that works and you can enjoy the day.
Oh, and I am sure if anyone tries to bring up anything on the day, you or your friend are quite within your rights to point out that that kind of conversation is for another situation and let’s keep the focus on DD’s day. If anyone is offended by that kind of asanine comment, then they are looking for offence, and more than likely to cause a scene. Then one or the other of you is quite within your rights to say, I’m not listening to this today, and walk away. The sister might take the opportunity of having you in proximity to be a bitch, but you don’t have to engage.
Ex left us to move with 22 y.o. from work. A few months later our daughter had a performance at school. He brought his girlfriend. I just acted like nothing. My daughter’s friend’s mom was asking, “Who is that?” Oh, that’s my husband’s girlfriend….. Lol The next time they came to performance and in-laws came. The in laws sat with me. At our daughter’s graduation from middle school, in-laws sat with me. Ex was so mad. MIL said sorry my son’s an asshole.
MIL also said that that girl has no idea what she’s gotten herself into. She doesn’t know his past or what he’s about.
Nope. And he’s all hers. I am enjoying a clean bath tube free of nasty soap scum. My bed sheets and the drawers under bed are no longer covered in his body dandruff flakes. No bed sheets with his greasy body stain on his side. Everything is cleaner!
We are divorced now. He was so shocked being served at work. He wanted to keep things the same. Me living here. Him living with gf and us sharing in all of our insurance discounts. My name on his new truck. Nope. I was immediately separating all that, I didn’t care if I did have to pay more without him. He raged that his new truck payment would go up with my name off – cussed me out. Whatever. Off.
The last time our daughter and I saw him was 8 months ago when he dropped her off to me in at 2 a.m. from their camping trip. Because she told him she didn’t like what he did to us. She’s my strong girl.
Seems when the kids no longer give kibble, the narc leaves.
Exactly. She’s not buying his BS so he’s out. She told me that she broke down today and looked at the girlfriend’s IG and saw pictures of her dad, gf and their one y.o. baby ‘all happy.’ She said he’s happy without her – and she’s hurting. And it breaks my heart.
How can I tell her that he’s not really happy? How can I tell her he’ll do the same to them if given the opportunity? I told her looks can be deceiving. But she sees what she sees.
It really gets to me the suffering the childen go through.
When a parent betrays the spouse, they also betray their children.
“The last time our daughter and I saw him was 8 months ago when he dropped her off to me in at 2 a.m. from their camping trip. Because she told him she didn’t like what he did to us. She’s my strong girl.”
She had a good example to follow. Yours!
Realising your cant control someone, or expect them to have the same standards as you. When your ex tries to belittle you or insult, their trying to gain some control over you. They have f….. up their lives, you dont have to f… up your own life.
When our son was admitted to his umpteenth detox, X and I accidentally met while walking to the facility from our cars in the parking lot. My stomach dropped, but I he saw me, so I continued to walk to the entrance and met him at the door.
As I reached for the door, he made a point to rush to get it first, like a schoolboy who wanted to be first in line. He actually started to go in ahead of me, but when we both noticed a man inside watching us, X made a cartoon-ish gesture for me to enter first. And I said thank you. The niceties stopped there; we moved to the admitting desk without speaking.
I was bringing our son’s medical history, some clean clothes, his medication I had just bought from the pharmacy, and a $600 copay that X refused (against our divorce agreement) to help me pay. Have I mentioned he’s a trust fund baby sitting on millions?
X brought him a bible that looked pinched from a hotel. As I asked to speak to my son’s case manager, X bolted like the place was on fire, probably to get home to the skank he fucked while married to me. Maybe they had to get to mass.
Maybe to avoid accountability.
Oh, absolutely to avoid accountability. And to avoid seeing you carry on perfectly fine without him. AND being reminded, by your very presence, that he IS, in fact, and asshat.
Yep, I run into him all of the time in Smaltimore. Ijust laugh and shake my head, he’s the same awkward guy he always was, hasn’t changed a bit. Just a reminder that Chumps tend to settle for less than they deserve at the outset.
We still have school-aged kids, so I have to deal with mine multiple times per week. Sure I did the pick-me dance after d-day, but ever since the day I finally filed for divorce, I must say I’ve done really well with just limiting my conversations with her to just kids’ stuff. I hate having to deal with her, so I keep the conversations as short and productive as I can.
I genuinely couldn’t care less about her life or anything else she does (so long as it doesn’t impact the kids, which so far it hasn’t) — and I couldn’t begin to tell you the amount of stress that I’ve been relieved from by simply not giving a shit about her any more. Life’s so much better at Meh, and you can still get there even if you have to deal with your fuckwit more often than you’d like.
Same here, I see ex nearly every day, and I’m getting to meh about it, no APs to deal with, yet… though she can’t seem to keep anyone longer than a night or 2 (ha!). Though the few days that I don’t have to see her such bliss, feels like a reward or gift! (I got good advice here once, “you would take a bullet for your kid won’t you? So take those bullets!”.
I love this second paragraph. Meh is out there, fellow chumps!
Still being in the throes of divorce, trial, mediations and court ordered ‘parenting coordination counselling’ with the abusive, cheating ex makes it super hard to be meh. When in court mediation and sitting across the table from one another, i refuse to look at him. Eyes on the lawyer only. Or my phone. I have caught him through my peripheral vision rolling up his t-shirt sleeve to show his bicep off. LMAO. He used to do this when we were married an attractive woman was around. What a superficial loser. I look forward to not having to see him, but – yes – 12 more years of parenting, unless he finds new prey.
Maybe not 12 years….things happen. Break this down into one day at a time mentally. That helps me a lot. Just For Today is keeping me sane. Often it’s Just This Morning….or Just This Afternoon….Just This Evening….
At mediation, I held my ground psychologically. I stared at him the whole time. I made careful notes of every single gesture, shift in position, or change in voice tone, meticulously noting the topic or statement being discussed at the time.
These ‘tells’ were invaluable to me in negotiating my settlement.
I remember joking with my ex that I could tell when he was lying because he’d look away right before he lied.
NEVER TELL THEM THEIR TELLS!!
He got really good at looking at me, right in my eyes, when he told his lies, though he’d still get tense in his shoulders. I got in a habit of looking away from him when he spoke, so I could hear what he was saying and judge for myself rather than be influenced by the crocodile tears and mock sincerity in his voice.
My STBXH doesn’t yet know that I discovered the email account he created two weeks after begging me to come home and work on this marriage back in October after carrying on his affair for almost a year (and I was doing the pick me dance trying to save the marriage). He left after Christmas, after not trying very hard to make amends. The emails he sent her are a vomitous collection of shameless love-bombing and ended up detailing their entire relationship up to that point, which was far more than I was told by him.
Now I’ll challenge him about facts of the affair that I know to be true, and he continues to outright lie (even lied sitting in church when our kids were in their communion prep meeting). The other night, I even said to him that I’m starting to think that he really believes his lies and thinks he’s telling the truth because his head is that messed up. I’ll tell him that I can see on his face that he’s lying. He still holds on to his lies with dear life. This week was us arguing about the date of legal separation for divorce proceedings. He wants end of year as that is when he physically left us. I want Oct. 31st (as I have his emails to her around this time of him professing his love to her and asking her to wait while he gets things ready to leave home for good). Of course, he’s so confused about why I want that date. I tell him that looking back it’s clear to me that was preparing to leave the marriage and home for good. He denies and says to me that even until the final moments of leaving, he had doubts that he was doing the right thing. Well, I’ve got an entire binder of lovebomb emails from Oct.-Dec. that says otherwise, so either he’s lying to me or he was lying to her (really he was lying to both of us in his sick triangulation).
That is what seeing him during kid pick-up and drop-off is like. Ugh! I’ve been pretty much grey rock since the new year, but now we’re having more conversations hammering out a legal separation deal as amicably as possible in order to keep lawyer costs down. Rather eat shards of glass. I swear as soon as he signs his name on the line of that agreement, I am going to reveal those emails to him and let him know that his family and some of his friends have had the opportunity to read some of them, and everyone has known he’s been lying this entire time. Let the spackle of image management come tumbling down.
One of our sons got married last year. It would mean sitting by her at the family table along with my parents, my ex’s parents and the bride’s parents. This is a woman who called me and begged me to leave my marriage because it was the best thing for everybody. But my children know nothing of the circumstances and I was determined that they were only going to see my graciousness. So I insisted on sitting by her and asking about her children and grandchildren. All of it was lost on her, because she is too dense to determine if she is being played or if somebody is sincere. Perhaps that’s because she so often mixes the two in her own interactions with people. I felt it went really well and that I had one of life’s biggest hurdles behind me. Until breakfast the next morning, where she loudly told the story of how she was the one who got to go help my new daughter-in-law out of her wedding gown at 2 in the morning, and how she presented the new couples gifts to them with stories about how hard she worked to find them. The icing on the cake was when my own mother thanked my ex-husband for hosting the rehearsal dinner and for his nice toast. That was a toast, by the way, that included no mention of me…the woman who raised children with him for 25 years. My mother, seeming to realize her faux pas, attempted to include me by asking if there was anything I had done to help get ready for the wedding. The entire room went silent. I guess there’s just no way that these types of occasions can ever be pain-free.
Next time, with a classy smile: “Yes. I raised the groom.”
Is your other son married yet?
I hope not, because second time around will be healing.
What. The ever living fuck. What the fuck.
I am so sorry you had to sit through that bullshit.
Sometimes I think the chump’s parents work a little too hard to prove that they are gracious, and they forget how hurtful and insulting they are being.
Ugh. I’m sorry!
I will be at my son’s wedding in two weeks. Not divorced two years yet and it will be the FIRST time I am in a room with the ex since Divorce Court. This is the son that I am estranged from due to ex’s “parental alienation”. All I know is I am invited and SCHMOOPIE is not. I already have my toast prepared and am planning on holding my head high. Yes, this is the son that I gave birth too and raised because of Uncle Daddy!
Your own mother? I am continually amazed at how selfish and clueless people are. I shouldn’t be, but I just want better from humanity. Keep being awesome ZMichelle! I hope at least your son appreciates all you have done to bring him into this world and raise him.
ZMichelle, I read your post and it made me feel so angry. I know you took the high road and went along for the sake of your Son and his bride. But it makes me livid to think how it is always the chump, that has to suck it up and go along for everyone else’s sake. I have been doing that for 50 odd years and I’ve had enough of it! I have played second fiddle to a narcissistic sister, a first alcoholic husband, a second narcissistic cheateing husband, his demanding mother, my kids inlaws, and always put everyone’s needs first. Afterall, I was always taught to take the high road, be the bigger person. Well, no more! I will not compromise myself ever again for kids, inlaws, family. Just not doing it. I have travelled all over the globe to visit lonely kids, babysit grandkids, put parents in nursing home cause no one else could do it, done all the “motherly/wifey” things we are expected to do. Well if someone including family wants a relationship with me now they will have to do it on my terms. My new motto “Change is good, I’m first”
I sorry you had to experience that, one more thing on the list of unfairness 🙁 This is the reason I hope all of mine elope! I think my daughter will never get married after watching what an asshole her dad is.
Zmichelle, you did a ton to help get ready for the wedding. One huge thing that none of them could or did do that tops anything and everything they did: You gave birth to the groom! See if they can top that next time they get snippy about who did what for the wedding.
This is brilliant, genius, gracious, and I am SO putting this in my archives/arsenal. My daughter is 11 and I may someday get the opportunity to say “I gave birth to the bride”.
LOVE TO YOU!!! My motivation for NOT being a lying cheating scheming manipulator is that I want to use my brain cells for brilliance!
I’m sorry the event was so awkward and painful. You deserved better.
When I see him I don’t even look at him or acknowledge him, sometimes I think that might get back at him, but other times I figure he gets to say “see she can’t even look at me she misses me so much, or she can’t look at me because of how terrible she was”. Either way I just don’t look or acknowledge him if I see him in person. He does text and sometimes calls, the kids talk to him everyday so I hear his voice. I am no where near meh but I hope someday I won’t care when I see him and AP. Right now he can’t attend school events or anything I am attending so I don’t have to run into them for those things, I don’t know how I will handle that. I would like to say I will be strong, but I feel like I might fall apart.
Toohurttobemad, I’m the same way, I just can’t really acknowledge his existence. It’s actually changed from a defense mechanism to just how I feel about him, he’s basically a stranger to me. Like a co-worker I don’t care for but who’s long-term on a project I love (my kids, in this analogy). There’s some times recently when he’s at a school function and I, literally, forgot he was there. That must be a step to meh. I’m not weird about it, I never put anyone in an awkward position, I just don’t interact with him, unless absolutely necessary. I used to care “how he saw it”, but slowly came to the realization that I don’t give a damn. It’s gotten easier over the last two years. So much so that I actually enjoyed my son’s 6th birthday party today, which had a bunch of his Kindergarten friends, their parents, his dad’s AP and my hypocrite religious ex-in-laws there. And you know what? I played with my kids, chatted with the parents I liked, and ignored everyone else. It’s super freeing once you’ve discarded all your uneccessary f*cks.
I haven’t seen him in 1 1/2 years, but my best friend and her husband saw him when going to the grocery store. They waited in their car until he was done … She said he doesn’t look good. So if I ever do run into him, I may not recognize him. He’s busy raising her two kids while our kids are adults. Cheers to that.
In the beginning, I had to consciously remind myself whenever I was near him that he is a SOCIOPATH. I would silently say in my head “Ted Bundy, Charles Manson, Mr. Sparkles”… I would run through his actions in my mind while he sat across the room at school functions “online personals looking for Women, Couples, Groups; … using a picture of himself from our wedding day and from our son’s baptism day for his personal ads; how he would leave family vacations early “to work” at home; how he lied and hid money; how he gaslighted me; how he destroyed my son’s childhood”… it took effort to change the trauma-bonding from the love-bombing. PTSD from this shit is real.
BUT in TIME… fucking TIME… it gets better. You start to accept the OW or the new Schmoopie is just the next victim getting lured into the white van to see puppies and eat candy. Don’t waste a minute on envy. GO find your joy. I can assure you… it isn’t in your X.
“Ted Bundy, Charles Manson, Mr. Sparkles…” LMAO (although I know it’s not really funny). Reminding ourselves of the company in which they revealed they belong by the actions they chose to engage in is a great strategy, and I believe I will adopt it, because I still work with my stbx in a small department and as soon as school starts up again I will have to pass by his office daily on the way to mine, and sit with him in department meetings. I’m actually thinking putting the details for these mantras together might provide me with some levity.
TFM… nothing like sitting across a table from them and thinking “likes role play; just wants to feel alive again; group sex with strangers by the airport; picks his ears and toes and flicks whatever comes out on to the carpet”… we had them on pedestals when they really belong six feet under.
The White Van.
That’s priceless.
BAM, who has not chosen to attend one band concert, chess tournament, piano recital, etc etc etc for 2 years, decided that our son’s induction into NHS might require his presence. Since half of son’s intelligence could potentially come from him? ha ha. My plan was to sit far away from him and just ignore. Didn’t work out that way.
When I arrived, I saw him sitting in the middle of the front row (natch … self appointed VIP don’t you know) and he looked old and miserable. He knew not one parent in the room. Being a narc and going completely unnoticed and ignored … oh the horror. So I decided to improve his situation by rubbing it in.
I went and sat with him. And by the way, I looked fabulous! I interacted with many friends and co-volunteers without ever bothering to introduce him or even acknowledge we were (sort of) there together. I also pointed out to him which kids were Travis’ close friends, their names, and how Travis knew them. Because he had no clue. And when the event was over, Travis was very pleased to see me and we said our goodbyes to BAM and walked off laughing together, while he skulked off alone to his car (with the rubber floor mats) to return to his swinging bachelor life. Looking old and tired and irrelevant. The End.
Sixteen years ago, my first marriage of 9 years ended. I met now-exh2 within 6 weeks later and ended up with him for 13 years total.
Back then with exh1, the boys were involved with sports, so along with visitation pickup/dropoffs, I was around exh1 a lot. I had The Evil One with me 99.99999% of the time, as exh1 had OWife#3 with him 99.999999% percent of the time. The rare times I had to be around exh1 alone, I would compare it to Daniel in the Lions’ Den, would pray for protection and most of the time it went fine, though my insides felt like liquid goo.
Time passed, the boys activites weren’t as dominant other than school, I found meh about exh1, got pregnant with DD, the boys were older, life happened, and it got better…
Then, owife#3 threw exh1 out, he was literally suicidal and Karma finally kicked him in the teeth — he finally realized just how much he had decimated me, my life, etc. Even better, as a result of the divorce HIS family told exh1 that they were keeping OWife#3 in their family and essentially disowned their son/brother/uncle/nephew, HA! Double-Karma!!!
Now, with The Evil One, I’ve been around him and Mrs. Dumbass solo, with people, or without. Always at the gas station or public place for DD exchanges, but one time does stick out as an epic fail for my standing as Mayor of MEH-topia:
About 5 months after D-Day, our divorce wasn’t yet finalized, but had been filed, I’m at the grocery store with DD checking out and DD looked out the window and saw TEO’s Shiterado in the parking lot and exclaimed, “Look! Daddy truck!”
My body went cold and numb and I went into flight mode, I looked around panicking about him seeing me and said out loud, “dammit! You’ve got to be shitting me” as I was hurrying to get everything bagged and paid for. I felt like I was going to pass out on the store’s floor.
Just as I was escaping, DD shouts, “daddy! Hi Daddy!”
TEO is right there in my face asking me why I had said what I said. He said he saw me and heard me react…he was attending to DD, so I was scurrying to my car, all the while he’s keeping up with me and DD and all I wanted to do was get away from him and all he wanted to do was act like we were best buds hanging out at the grocery store.
He asked me again why I reacted like that and I finally had to say that I reacted like that because I didn’t want to be around him, ever. He became annoyed and defensive saying I was stalking him, I actually laughed at him for that, which made him more angry and annoyed.
By this time, stuff was loaded in the car, DD was safely strapped in and I tried not to, but damnit I started to cry in front of him, big ugly crying… He asked me why I was crying and I refused to answer just got in my car and tried to leave, but my car had a tick at the time that it wouldn’t start, so I sat there, ugly crying, DD trying to comfort me, and my car won’t start.
TEO came around to my side and offered to help start my car. At that moment, my car decided to start, so I rolled the window up on him and got the hell out if there ugly crying and all.
Not my best moment, but I recovered and since then when I see him, I’m grey rock like a boss.
Just about every single time I see him, with or without Mrs dumbass, he tries to talk to me, not about DD but himself, I shut that shit down and leave. He never asks me about myself and I’m not going to offer him anything about me either.
They truly don’t understand the depth of the devastation to us. I’ve had those moments on occasion before the divorce. He just got mad because I was crying and it ’embarrassed’ him…omg…..all the humiliating things he did to me and my crying in extreme pain embarrassed him. You were being a soul-crushed woman who was reacting in a perfectly normal way to being around an ass who abused your love, trust, family, safety, ect. I hope in the night for the rest of his life he sees how much pain he put you in and feels like the utter shit he is. Hugs.
Hugs back!!!
It’s so true!!!
They don’t care. They truly suck.
Hahaha, you are the SHIT, Dixie!!!! That is awesome!!!
Bahahahahah!!! Oh, my goodness, Miss Dixie, you CRACK me up!! OMG you are so hilarious!
Just so you know, its been proven that a child’s intelligence comes directly from the mother not the father.
Right!!! I just found this.
‘A category of genes known as “conditioned genes” are thought to work only if they come from the mother in some cases and the father in other cases. Intelligence is believed to be among the conditioned genes that have to come from the mother.
Laboratory studies using genetically modified mice found that those with an extra dose of maternal genes developed bigger heads and brains, but had little bodies. Those with an extra dose of paternal genes had small brains and larger bodies. ‘
https://www.independent.co.uk/news/science/children-intelligence-iq-mother-inherit-inheritance-genetics-genes-a7345596.html
Well, he might have had more sartorial splendor if you hadn’t taken 70% of his assets. Bwahaha!!
(Hence his moniker, BAM–Broke Ass Mountain)
Bwahahaha! I’m totally stealing that nickname.
Mic drop. That’s all kinds of mighty!
Nice!!
Mighty!
Dixie, BOOM! Having met you in person, I can totally see this in my mind’s eyes. I put double butter on my popcorn reading this magnificent piece!
lol … my chosen option was slightly more dignified than the alternative, which was to bend the knees to get a really good, solid foundation before giving him a really strong “FAWK (pause for effect) YOOOOUUUU!” as taught to me by the master, NMSB!!!
Instead, I did a fair amount of Marsha Brady hair flips to accentuate the fact that he is most definitely going bald in the back … one of his biggest fears come to life!!! ha ha
Dixie, I need a hall pass on this one. My grandfather and father were drill sgts, I had 6 bothers (2 bio, 4 step) ALL told me take no prisoners! AND, you know what, I never even broke a sweat!
Please allow me to clarify…..to take no prisoners WHILE being attacked!
That said, I won the gold medal for the Hefty Tossing Competition! (And the crowd goes wild!)
I am still not at Meh, yet. However I have learned not to engage my stbx because everything I say and do will he held against me. Heck, everything I DON’T say or do will be held against me!
I have had to bite my tongue to keep what I really want to say. I had an epic fail when we were dropping off our child at a public parking lot. He set me off and then I verbally called him bad names. Next thing I know, my attorney is getting an email from his attorney stating that I am the one being uncooperative. Apparently I embarrased him when I defended myself and told him that I will never teach our child that adultery is OK. (I stated this VERY loudly and with emphasis!)
So since then, I have gone as NC as possible. I barely speak to him and only communicate through text and email. It’s rough but it hs truly helped my sanity and kept me from makibg a complete ass of myself.
My ex accused me of calling him names because I replied to his request to have a beer and talk about why I am filing against him for full custody, with a “no thanks, I don’t talk things out with people I don’t trust because they already lied and cheated on me previously.” I had taped the encounter so he was forced to admit later that I had not actually called him any bad names, “but the name calling was implied.” Bwahahaha! I can’t help it if his own actions impugn his character.
Not at MEH, but much closer than I used to be.
I’m preparing myself for a setback, should the judge assigned to our 5 days of trial fall for Mr. Charm Covered Shit.
I’ve accepted the world isn’t a fair place, but there’s is still a bit of hopium lingering in the back of my mind that fuckwits can’t just do whatever they want without the justice system doing something. I know The civil system is anything but just, yet I can’t help holding onto the hopium.
I know the things I still need to work on…
– Letting turd sparles (impression management) get under my skin. Hearing “Gee he’s such a great guy” is like someone plunging a knife into my scull!
– The desire to point out his manipulations of the kids to them (I don’t, but boy do I really want to).
He’s the master of Fear, obligation and guilt!
—-He was diagnosed with beneign esophagus polyps and told the kids he was taking anti-cancer medication; really he takes prescription antacid.
—-If you don’t do/say/go to school where I want, I’m not paying for your college. (He’s working hard to get the kids to want to move where he wants to move, so of course is encouraging them to look at colleges in his desired location.
—“Sorry I missed your special event, I’m busy working my ass off to provide for you! Aka, to provide for HIS lifestyle, and make the kids beg for things they NEED (contact solution, tampons, deodorant, etc.) while he spends 20k a year on suits. Yet, never misses an opportunity to post “dad of the year” photos on social media. “He’s such a great guy” PUKE ????.
I have reached MEH in the kibbles department. No more hopium (when he’s being nice) that maybe he’s changed. Actually I’ve learned when he’s nice, I better get ready for whatever bomb is about to drop in my lap. Keeping me off balance no longer works… I trust that he sucks!
-I’ve reached MEH about his girlfriend. She’s nice to the kids and wasn’t one of the hookers who participated in braking up a marriage. She’s as clueless as I was, and that makes her a fellow chump (she just doesn’t know it).
See? Got-a-Brain —
Your situation of hoping that the world is just is exactly why I am not so sad to now know what I know about cheaters (manipulators, deceivers and narcissists), because it is such useful knowledge in helping other chumps!!! We need judges who can see behind the mask. Personally, I think must, if not all, can. You don’t get to be a judge by being a little fool.
Got-a-Brain –
FB works two ways. The kiddos can take photos of what they need (contact solution, tampons, deodorant, etc.) and post it for Daddy-o and ask him to pick it up at the drug store and they’ll get it next time they’re over.
I’d like to see a cartoon of James Bond. Smarmy, “handsome”, shifty-eyed, leering. Half-smile (Jekyll is smiling / Hyde is serious). Dressed like John Travolta in Saturday Night Figure, swaggering. Oh! And stink wiggles coming off his body for the Michael Kors $400 cologne. Yah, that about covers his cartoon. Oh! wait one more thing: with a beautiful woman, oogling another.
I was petrified at preschool graduation this year when he texts me last minute that he’s bringing his wife, their new baby, and an ex-mutual friend, while I would be there all alone. Turns out I needn’t have been. The previously doting dad sat in the back, took no pictures, did not shed a single tear. I sat up in the very front, took a gazillion pictures, and my kid only had eyes for me. I dutifully chatted, admired the baby, and picked up on the not-too-subtle hints that all is not well in paradise. I ended up feeling awful for his wife, because I know what it is like to try and fiend off his manipulative attacks while trying to nurse an infant. I left feeling relieved I didn’t have to go home with him. Long live freedom.
Well done Betty!
#2 cheater lives in another country and #3 cheater lives about 3 hours away in a huge city so no, I never see either of them.
I had a #1 as well but he wasn’t a cheater, we just got married too young. He died some years after we were divorced. Creepily enough I saw his gravestone online at this site called billiongraves.com. He had a tiny little stone, and I had no idea who he was married to at the time or anything, only that he lived in Florida (several states away from me)
I think of him as if he’s a stranger because that’s what he became to me: someone I didn’t know.
I’ve been thinking and listening a lot to the song, “Someobody That I Used to Know,” by Goyte. It’s that last thing I want to say to the STBXH when our legal separation is finalized. I want to let him know that I have every intention of him becoming simply “someone that I used to know” in my life.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8UVNT4wvIGY
I have to endure once yearly ‘gonna meet them both at a four day agricultural show.
First year (2016) I didn’t go, couldn’t face it but my son did (approx. a month after he was disowned) and Chuckles also didn’t go. Slaggy-Anne did but kept herself at a discrete distance.
Second year (2017) Everyone was present, I was apprehensive about attending but cross with myself for not going the previous year. But as he was on suspension from the Police under investigation for theft and fraud – they kept their distance from us in the accommodation and we did likewise – although they did sit close to the showring my son was exhibiting in and in key spots near the exit. Luckily one of the days he was injured and spent one afternoon and evening in hospital – Slaggy-Anne reluctantly went with him but was more concerned about who would show their animals. They both had to watch us win two awesome high profile prizes with our animals. I was also pleased that they both looked miserable the entire duration and he did not touch her, even recoiled when she touched him… happy??
Third year (2018) Everyone present. Not even a twinge of worry in the lead up. We were sensible and made sure our animals were at the furthest point they could be from the angry duo. Now sacked from the police he had no restraints on his behaviour and attacked my friend (who I think he thinks I’m sleeping with) physically and verbally and verbally threatened his own son, saying he was going to rip his face off you cunt…. so all nice there. The no touching theme between them was again replayed but I couldn’t have cared what they did. She did trot round behind him just in case another woman rubbed his arm and said I wish I had a man like you…. that’s all it took from her in 2015 at the same show! Although I was pleased he had even more teeth missing so maybe not Meh enough yet
Good points, I did not worry about seeing him, I felt nothing when I did see him, or her for that matter. Their few friends were glaring at any opportunity and I couldn’t have cared less. My friends (20 x more than them) spotted this and started to glare back. I told them not to bother as it just gives them kibbles…. I then explained kibbles to my friends…. no more from my side.
Hopefully his behaviour will earn him a future ban from that show… fingers crossed.
We both work and live in downtown Chicago. But in almost a year and a half we have not bumped into each other. Or atleast i haven’t seen him. The thought has crossed my mind though, seeing him with another girl, I introduce myself and let her know who he really is and then walk away with a smile. Maybe once or twice it has crossed my mind ????
it would not be worth it. she would not believe you anyway and he will just use it as an excuse that you were the crazy one.
You’re prob right ????
Oh and after full NC since Feb 2016 after financial separation Agreement signed, he tries to call me a couple of weeks later… didn’t answer and logged it with the police on my established timeline
The first event we were at together post my knowledge of his fucking strange, was last weekend. We’ve been apart for almost 2 years. He brought the wife appliance and (supposedly) his four month old Honey Boo Boo to our girls’ event. He’s almost 50 with a scraggly beard that he attempted to dye a few weeks back and turned out the same color as a 12 pack a day yellow. He managed to get it to look more brown now, but he needs a beard root job because he’s got about a 1/2 inch of undyed root growth.
The event our girls’ are in, was in Mr. Twatwaffles’ town and the other parents have been amazingly sympathetic. I just kept busy, helping with the event and stayed away from them, and laughed at the random comments from the other parents as they observed him and his train wreck of life choices. One such comment was from a flamboyant man who works as a stylist in the beauty shop I go to. He made the BEST remarks about the beard job that MADE MY DAY.
It helps so much that others can SEE how completely ridiculous he is.
Any time I see a dyed beard (or head, sorry, and that’s perhaps a double standard) I immediately know there isn’t a full deck. It’s just creepy red flag.
Yes!! It is not just your imagination … he really is a complete Twatwaffle and the whole world can see it!!
My only Hannibal sightings are when he drives up to pick up my 17 year old daughter for visitation, and parks half-block down the road rather than pull into the driveway. Last time I watched, he picked her up for a trip to Mexico wearing his white Islands shirt (not tucked in) and all I could think was “Mr. Roarke” from Fantasy Island. He must have suspected I was watching out the window as he put DD’s suitcase in the trunk and scurried back into the car as fast as he could.
Scurried like a roach. Mr. Roach. Ew.
Isn’t it a relief that YOU didn’t have to have the stress of being on what is supposed to be a happy vacation with Hannibal. Vacations with these guys are never stress relievers. Great for image, not great in reality.
Way to insult Mr. Roarke Tempest!
Mine parks down the block, too, sometimes. They are weird little narcs indeed.
My EX pulled up and parked in the garage of MY house once with his car when he came to pick up our son for the weekend! What an entitled dipshit.
Oooo…what a jerk.
This just totally cracks me up! Mr. Important-As-Shit demonstates same by driving a Tesla, yet has balls so small he cannot park in his ex’s driveway for a scant minute.
The last time our lives intersected was years ago at my granddaughters play. I sat with her dad and his girlfriend. I left a few minutes early to avoid them. Driving Dow the road a car traveling st a high speed nearly sideswiped me and ran me off the road. I was shaking and as I approached the red light the car was to my left. Nanthiny was driving and screaming like a lunatic. The limited gave the dead eye stare. I filed a police report.
I’m no contact for life. Not a smile or acknowledgement will ever happen, ever. They aim to maim.
Suddenly, he’s telling my adult daughter that he’d be willing to talk to me. After 41 years of abuse and personal attacks four years after dday i have no interest in spackling evil.
Supposedly, he couldn’t get anywhere with me. I’ve gotten somewhere without him. My life no longer revolves around my past. The present is my freedom. I’m living it.
I’ve avoided Dr. Cheaterpants like the plague. I’m not spoken to him verbally in the 2 years since I kicked him out/he left the house all giddy to pursue his new sparkly life with DD14’s 20-something asst sports coach in our kids’ Catholic high school. Only email for divorce/division or property/custody issues. And occasional texts that ignore if possible and don’t require a reply.
Young teenagedbarbieschmoopie kept a low profile the first year then he started bringing her to our kids’ sporting events at their Catholic school. Parading her around like a prize and not realizing what a spectacle this 50 year old, completely bald headed, nerdy and walks with a limp man looks like with this pencil thin, bleach blonde girl. They had both been fired from coaching and he was no longer on the school board but no matter, all these parents and kids should be happy for those twu wuvs.
I still get a little happiness now remembering my attorney (who has a kid in one of my kid’s class) reflected on both of them and the situation and said ‘it’s always surprising just how attractive that M.D. at the end of one’s name can be’.
I ignore them both. They are still together and just took a sparkly trip to Hawaii with my teenagers.
Doingme: “Supposedly, he couldn’t get anywhere with me. I’ve gotten somewhere without him.”
Fantabulous! I’m copying that and printing it out. It is so true and defines “mighty”!
I am definitely very very far from meh at this point – I just filed in Court after 1.5 year attempt to mediate and stay out of court. Unfortunately, I allowed myself to be cornered by STBX, staunch narcissist whose hate for me has no limits, and the mediator, into 50-50 custody arrangement, which I will be trying to persuade the Judge does not work – very uncertain and steep battle ahead of me.
The mediation was extremely hostile and left me always in such an emotional mess, that to this day, I have panic attacks and flashbacks, and get physically sick in proximity or even in anticipation of proximity of him. So, some encounters are ok, some are failures….it’s still a learning process for me.
Recently, an encounter happened that might seem small and insignificant, but looking back is so petty and ridiculous, and once again helped me realize that this disorder is real and they really suck. But I think I managed it well and after bursting into laugh right in his face, I just spent the rest of the time in the situation with my head high and grey rock face. So I guess, for this one, I claim a little victory with respect to my reaction.
Our two girls (11 and 14) usually spend summers with my family in Europe. Obviously, Mr. Amazing Dad showed up at the airport (which he has the right to do) to say good bye (although was not part of any planning or financing the trip)..As we all absorbed the travel rush and excitement of the airport, both taking pictures of the girls, I got carried away in the moment and asked him to take a picture of me with the girls before they leave….If his eyes could shoot bullets, I would be dead many time over at that moment…..the look of hate and nasty refusal to take that picture right in front on the girls, took my breath away…..(but in hindsight, that was quite naive for me to even ask….I should have expected it…but the chump I am, I really did not)…Still a long way for me to go………And I think its time for me to truly believe that He totally sucks……
2 years post divorce and over a year of NC – I have been lucky and haven’t had to see the POS. The 2 kids we share are in college and are both slated to graduate this fall. I’m dreading their graduations. However, my daughter doesn’t talk to me, so I probably won’t be invited to that anyway. About 1 1/2 years ago I got the final stupid ass text from dipshit (telling me about a song he heard on the radio. What the fuck do I care?) where I decided that was enough. My kids can contact me if I need to know about something – I don’t need an asswipe texting me meaningless shit. He is blocked. Forever. But get this. My oldest son informed me the other day (Asswipe is not my oldest son’s biological father) that Judas has been hanging out at the bar in my town!!! I moved 30 minutes away from fuck face……why the hell would he be hanging out at a bar 30 minutes away from where he lives??? And just so happens to be in the town I live in? I don’t know if he is stalking me? Trying to get a glimpse of what he fucked up? And it is really odd cuz the bar he is hanging out at doesn’t even have a pool table – which is ALL HE DOES (Drink and play pool). Good thing I don’t hang out at the bars where I live.
During the divorce I had to drop off paperwork to x at his business. He very smugly told me I could leave the paperwork in his vehicle as ow was there and he thought it might be “hard for me to see her”. I was going to do that when I thought, Fuck that shit, I don’t have anything to be embarrassed about. So I put down the top on my little red convertible (a birthday present I had brought myself years earlier) roared up to his business with Meatloaf blaring Bat out of Hell and parked right in front. Through the storefront window I saw ow scurrying to the bathroom to hide. I waltzed in like I didn’t have a care in the world and handed him the paperwork. And because I knew she was hiding in the bathroom I spent 20 minutes chatting up Switzerland friends, reminiscing about old trips we had taken together. It was extremely uncomfortable for everyone but me. Then got in my car and roared off. I later heard that x was butt hurt that I didn’t seem to care that he was divorcing me. Best day ever!
Bravo! Bravo! I want to be as cool and poised as you when I grow up!
About 3 months after the divorce, Dr. Dumbass had gotten a 12K annual raise and THEN took me to court to reduce child support by 12K a year, and that’s around the time I saw him and his homely mistress. Needless to say, I was rage incarnate. I was driving along on a main drag through town headed to lunch with a friend. Dr. Dumbass had mentioned he was moving apartments because he “deserved to live away from millennials.” Ok. Whatever. Of course, he told my daughter that he was moving so she would have a nicer place to visit. Ok. Whatever.
Then I saw it. There was his mistress (married with 3 kids) helping him load his Uhaul. I slammed on the brakes and parked my happy ass in the middle of the road to film it just to have as evidence for her chump husband that “no, actually, she wasn’t gone to an ethics conference after all.” She is an ethics professor and minister, naturally. She’s also freakishly obsessed with musicals. Just throwing that in so you can get a picture of what a prize she is.
She probably thought she was free and clear because her family lives in another state.
I just filmed for about 45 seconds with her ugly butt not 12 feet away. The long line of cars behind me didn’t honk, just waited patiently, as if they knew they better not interfere with the unholy level of crazy in front of them. She and my greasy ex (who is a religion professor, of course) had NO idea I was filming. And then I drove away.
Later one of his buddies helping him move said he was horrified she was there and when Dr. Dumbass told him he really needed to keep this a secret so her husband didn’t find out, he nearly puked.
Unfortunately, Dr. Dumbass and I work at the same small institution. Fortunately, he is universally hated and has been since forever. I was the last to know. I try to ghost him and give him zero kibbles but some days I have to stay in my office for fear I might go nuclear if our paths intersect. I have been reassured that if I ever lose it on him, the entire campus community would just applaud and I have nothing to fear.
Still, I don’t want to be that person so I stay away from him. I’ve been NC for over 1.5 years. My daughter is slowly drawing away from him on her own. Things will get better.
Happy Friday CN! We are rid of these rodents!
-Tuesday
That is amazing! Did you send the video to the ethical whores husband?
I haven’t yet. I have SO much evidence and it haunts me for this poor guy but I have been advised against sending because she is unstable, would lose her job and her preaching gig (she’s at a very religious school) and might come down and shoot me. I still want to send it and all the emails about their trips along with her secret credit card though.
It bothers me so much that he doesn’t have this evidence. I’m trying to be wise and think of me and my daughter, but it eats away at me. A friend of mine, who happens to be a priest and advised strongly against contacting the chump husband, commented how odd it was that I was suffering from this ethical dilemma while the two who caused it seemed to have no worries in the world.
send it anonymously. create a hotmail email just for this purposely. then email it to him. using the wifi at mcdonalds. then what he does with it is up to him.
he needs to know. anyone who advises you NOT to contact the chump husband is wrong. i only wish one person had the strength to contact me when i was the chump wife. .. .
Yes, send the proof to the husband. So many people knew (some of) what Golden D##k was doing during our 40+ years married. NONE of them told me. MANY of them told me what they knew or suspected after the facts came out. Yeah, thanks for nothing. I would be in a different place now if anyone had done the right thing and let me know YEARS ago. Even my own son had doubts about the long-term relationship Golden D##k had with our neighbor (his most recent long-term AP), but he didn’t want to say anything without absolute proof. I know our son struggles with this now, and to be honest, so do I. Please tell. The OW in my case is batshit-crazy. She has harassed, stalked and even threatened me through a third-party flying monkey after Golden D##k confessed to me and dumped her. This went on for 8 MONTHS (last contact was a few weeks ago) and she is probably just biding her time trying to figure out what she can do to hurt me that won’t fall back on her or alienate Golden D##k even more. To HIM she was all sweetness and light. Still wanted him to be her BFF(!). Couldn’t understand why he didn’t want her anymore. But what about our twu luv? Yes honey, it was twu luv; he loved a conveniently located side piece and you loved his money. I filed a police report and got a restraining order against her. Yes she’s crazy, but she also doesn’t want to go to jail. So, as much as she hates me for losing her access to the gravy train with Golden D##k, she hasn’t physically harmed me (except for some random STDS she was kind enough to share during their pretend “marriage”). So tell the husband; the OW probably has a lot more interest in her freedom and well-being than to do anything to harm you. She’s probably a narcissist like my stalker, and they might look/act crazy but they love themselves way too much to endanger their lifestyle in any way.
Please be careful how you do this. I was sent an anonymous email, calmly packed my bags, and then totaled my car by never seeing a red light.
Fail, mostly at meh till he takes advanatage of school events to push my buttons.
Recenty the Ex invaded my space folloing a school play that both our girls were in. He came to where we were gathered and after demaneding hugs from both his girls for him and wife 2.0 instead of walking away he decided to size up to me and attempt the lets be BFF’s routine infont of all who were gathered which I shut down becasue he had been a nasty prick to me and our eldest daughter in the days leading up to the event becuse he could not get his own way and I do all I can to remain no contact with him, undetered he leant into me and stated that if he could show everyone present how terrible I have been to him in the past five years it would be a very different story. Seriously they cannot live without some form of drama, as I laughed at him and suggested he grow up, wife 2.0 steps in and grabs him by the arm and tries to drag him away telling him to “leave it”, finally getting her way she looks me up and down and declairing “it’s not worth it”. I totally lost my meh at this point, who did she think she was? But then it struck me, she is the new me. It is now her job to protect him against the consequences of his own stupid actions. So now far from Meh, I ask her in a really loud voice with as much calm as I can muster “how does it feel to be just like me? do you realise how much like me you are? and he is nothing but a Fucking Time Bomb’!!!!! as the crowd of conservitive christian families around me took a collective gasp at my colourful language I instantly began to dreed my decision and in the days that followed patiently waited for a summons to the school office. Thankfully that did not happen. Not my finest moment. But am happily back on the road to meh!
My apologies for all the spelling errors, I think it is time for bed.
I actually think that went well! Well played!
Because I am an eternally awkward nerd girl, I only ever see people I know when out and about if I am decked out in yardwork clothes, free of makeup, and with hair in a haphazard ponytail.
So of course the last time I saw the idiot, that was the case. Bugged me for a second. After all, since I am devastatingly cute the vast majority of the time (hah!), seems only fair that the cosmos would arrange things so that these run-ins would transpire during peak cuteness. Alas, no.
Fortunately, have been an awkward nerd girl long enough to laugh at myself about this. Also fortunately, DD claims that my cuteness shines through even extreme grunge. (Gotta love that girl.) She also noted that he stared at me the entire time during our last encounter, and was apparently chagrined that I gave him barely a glance. During that glance, I noted how incredibly old he looks. Thinning hair, growing bald spot, total wrinkles. Yuck. I am older than cheater by a little bit, but he looks older than me by a whole lot. Life choices show.
I would be perfectly content never to encounter him again.
Oh boy…
So recently I had to emergency move to a new apartment. Very long story of finding out my roommate had been pocketing my utilities/rent money…it’s fun having your power go out for 8 days because of non payment folks! It ain’t just cheaters who can commit financial fraud… So I was stressed as hell. I had been staying at a friend’s house because well…my power was out for 8 days. I had been running back and forth between three different places, not including work (which I commute 90 minutes every day…) so I was living out of a suitcase, trying to pack up my stuff without my (thieving) roommate noticing (she didn’t) and trying to find a new place to live as fast as possible (I did.)
I get off work, I’m on my way to my old place to pack up more of my stuff, the landlord of the new place had been sitting on my application for two days, not answering anyone’s phone calls, and I was about 4 days away from the first of the month and the (thieving thief…) roommate was already asking me for more money. I was tired, I hadn’t showered in two days, my makeup was smudged. I get on the train and sit down, then a large figure passed by me and sat on the seat less than ten feet away. I looked up.
It’s my fucking ex. He smiled at me and said “Hi!” like he’s not the scum of the earth.
I just stared at him, unblinking. Stared. Said nothing.
Then I looked down at my phone and texted my mom, who obviously knew about everything that had been going on for the last few days, and told her who was sitting in front of me. She just said keep holding strong. This is the last thing I need, but I can get through this shit. Don’t say anything, don’t let him see the stress.
Eventually I got off the train and texted my best friend. Told her who I’d just seen. She said “EW” with about twelve w’s.
The next day the landlord answered his phone, I got approved for my apartment, wrote the check for the first (and last) moth’s rent, and ate a bunch of ice cream. Heaved a sigh of relief.
My makeup was smudged that day, but so what? I can fix that. A friend of mine came to visit the other day and we went to the gym. She said she can see my abs now. And my leg muscles. He’s still fat. I think he may have lost more hair too.
Last year I had the intersection of younger DD’s dance recital and older DD’s HS graduation falling on the same day (I told my parents to stock up on that astronaut underwear). So all the grandparents would be in town and I didn’t want to stress out either of my daughters on their big day by causing drama at seeing ex.
Now my parents, on the other hand…. so later I find out that my sweet southern mom had been practicing what she would say if forced to converse with him. Her solution? In her best Georgia peach drawl, “God has a plan for all of us”, but she adds, “he’d know I meant the vengeful God. Like in the Old Testament.” I joke that if he starts down a dark alley & sees my mom, he’d best just turn around—or maybe just back up slowly.
Your mom us my new favorite! ????
The last time I saw Fucktard X, he was breaking into my apartment, just before I moved to another city. My replacement part was sitting out front in the getaway car. I peeled back the curtain next to the front door with a phone to my ear, flicked on the porch light, smiled and waved. I’ve never seen anyone move so fast. They were off and gone, peeling rubber with the headlights off.
Unfortunately, I have to see my ex on occasion since we work for the same agency. Thank god we share no children together. When I do have the unfortunate circumstance of seeing him, I look past him, around him or through him, never acknowledging his existence. I used to wonder if I had been drunk for those 9 years we spent together… now he gets no rent free time in my head.
I saw him out once with his OW turned baby mama. She’s a “former” heroin and crack addict- I’m pretty sure I stared at her for a bit, wondering how many times she shot up to make her hands look like footballs. Then, I finished my shopping with my hubby.
For whatever reason, Princess Cheaterpants wants to stand near me at our daughter’s events (dance recitals, class Halloween parties, etc.), and try to make a big show of it. I’m guessing she wants to appear to the rest of the world as a better person than she really is. “See, I’m not so bad! My ex-husband is fine with being near me!” I would rather have to stand near radioactive waste for 5 minutes, but, obviously, you can’t get away all the time for kids’ events.
Before last year’s big dance recital, I took the other kid and sat down in the enormous auditorium. She promptly walked down to where we were so she could sit in the same row. I then got up and went two rows away. She got up and followed me there. I finally gave up, but made sure both kids were between us. When she wanted to take pictures afterward, I made sure I was NOT in any picture with her.
Perhaps, she has some misguided notion that placing herself physically near you will bring up some nostalgia about her and leave you walking away filled with longing thoughts for her. Hahaha!
I saw X a few weekends ago at our daughter’s event. Felt okay most of the time, but when my extended family arrived, I felt safer. My sister saw X for the first time since and they were pleasant.
While delivering daughter’s clothing to X’s car, X asked to move kid-related conversations from email to phone. I held my ground. In the moment, it felt like an normal argument.
X got angry, X played victim, and flipped back and forth. I watched and held my ground.
X later tried charm in an email thanking me for the discussion.
I realized, for the first time, she was trying to hook me and nothing worked.
Pretty empowering. I’ve come a long way.
Yes, it absolutely empowering once you know what the manipulation looks like, and you realize you don’t have to fall for it anymore. You know better, you do better. Congrats, that’s some nice mighty!
Yes you have, doesn’t it feel great!