Happy Blog Birthday!
Today the Chump Lady blog is three years old! Cranky, mercurial, verbal — it’s definitely in its toddler stages of development. But boy how it’s grown!
After one year, in 2013, Chump Lady had 78,000 page views a month. By 2014 — 114,000. Today? The blog gets well over 300,000 page views a month — and the blog odometer is 5.1 MILLION.
Apparently, a lot of people out there failed at affair proofing their marriages.
Together we have built a Chump Nation that is challenging the conventional wisdom about infidelity — that we drive people to cheat on us, that betrayal can be casual and fun if it’s for the pursuit of happiness, that chumps already knew.
Every time you speak up, comment on an article, tell someone you know they’re being chumped, don’t accept the blameshifting — you are changing the narrative. This is a big ship to turn around, but you guys are doing it!
Keep being mighty! And have some cake today! (The real kind, not the affair stuff.) Happy birthday!
Wow! I’m first!!! Happy happy birthday Chumplady! So many would be lost without you and this wonderful community space you have created.
Congratulations.
With love
x
Tracy, without you, we’d all still be rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. Thanks to you, we’re sailing off on calmer seas to peaceful places of our own.
I can only hope that your blog is part of a bigger narrative that’s needed to turn this morally bankrupt country around. So goes the home so goes the Nation. Keep up the good work!
Morally bankrupt world, you mean. America is not the only country which has fucktards.
My thoughts exactly.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! I’m so grateful for your work. I guarantee you have saved lives. Mine especially. Keep it up.
This site, your point of view and thoughts on affairs and cheating, the comments of other members of Chump Nation, have proven a beacon of light for me in some very dark times. I am so grateful. Happy Birthday Chump Lady – please know how much you’ve done for so many of us.
Totally agree. Most everything out there about infidelity blames the chump, and leaves chumps living with a lifetime of serial cheaters, because you think it’s you, and you live a life time of the “pick me dance”. How many of our chump forefathers from generations ago wasted their lives on these disordered, character deficient freaks because they had no other path to show them another way? CL and everyone here are literally saving lives and changing future generations! Happy, happy birthday and here’s to many, many more!!
I think we need a flag!
Too funny! Love the flag ideas. Didn’t realize the blog is only three years old! Congratulations on three years! I’ve been reading it for 18 months…started when two friends told me within 48hours of each other that their husbands had cheated in them. I NEVER thought I’d be s Chump but thanks to this blog I knew something was up right at the beginning of the affair. Once I got the truth out, I told him – I did not ask him – to move out. I did go through all the things like the pick me dance that Chump Lady says NOT to do. Yet, I did not linger. I did not wait to be his Plan B. I filed and had him served. Now, if he would just cooperate with divorce proceedings….. will just have to get a court order I guess. Looking forward to going No Contact – forever!
imadeitthrutherain, so glad you moved fast and I had a similar foot dragging asshole because he thought he could have both. Well done & have your lawyer go to the judge on the lack of response, my judge charged ex with contempt for failing to respond to discovery.
Yay! Good for you! And great that you got a Judge who charged your ex with contempt.
Good idea! Any suggestions on the design and colors – fellow Chumps? This could be fun ;^)
It needs some symbol to indicate boundaries–perhaps a white picket fence for irony?
Depends what it represnts… The chump nation… Or the road to Meh
For the Road to Meh…. A honey badger( cause honey badgers dont give a fuck) with the dead snake in his mouth. I think you can figure out who the dead snake is.
Tracy,
Your work on this blog has been incredibly helpful to so many lost and devastated people out there, myself included. It has helped us put words and even some explanations in place about events and behaviours that only defied logic.
For me, it has made me learn to pay attention to the right things in relationships, and I think this will save me a lot of grief in the coming years. Thank you for your great work.
Yes.
Tracy wasn’t around when I first got chumped, but her blog helped me see the light and I finally got meh back.
Happy Birthday, many thanks, and long live Chump Lady!
I concur with Marci! This blog saved me and woke me up to a world of reality. I would have never started working towards MEH without Tracy’s work and words of wisdom. This is truly a birthday to celebrate!
I remember the day I found this site and thought, finally someone gets it. Chump Lady and Chump Nation have given me a clear perspective and truly changed my thinking. I can’t thank you enough!!! (Just so you know I told my attorney and therapist about CL so they can pass it on to their clients.) Congratulations on creating something that was so obviously needed. You are the best!
I told my therapist about this blog too!
Thank you and congratulations CL. The blog has helped me immensely!
Me too.
same here, I sent my therapist to CL and she was receptive.
I know, Lina. I have spread the word to two therapists (mine & brief MC), my lawyer and one of her colleagues., several hundred university students….
As therapist and a former chump, I am eternally grateful for your blog!! I have directed both friends and clients to your site. Keep up the good work. You ROCK!!!!!
Happy Birthday Chump Lady! Thank god for your wisdom! Forever Grateful!
I still want to start Chump meetups. So we can strengthen your vision and spread the word!
Yes yes happy birthday! I read this everyday and helps me so much!! I’m understood here and I’m not alone. I live way out in the boonies with no support help or friends. The phone is my only friend here. Waiting for house price to stabilize so I can sell and be totally free!!! Ex moved us here to hide his business in the woods. Business is still here. Chump meetups would be terrific!!! Thank you from all of my heart chump nation and chump lady!!
Yay! Happy Blog Birthday. It’s important to celebrate our accomplishments! Good for you! And Thank You for being who and what you are…a champion of damaged souls and a platform for sharing and caring. I couldn’t have done it without you!
Congratulations to you, Tracy, and to all the articulate people who share their stories. I am so dedicated to this blog that I troll the other bs blogs to tell them about you. There are still many bs who believe one, two or more years after that they can find joy in their marriages. Their blogs show the opposite. What you and your fellow chumps have done is show them the first step toward freedom is manageable. Scary, but doable. I hope at some point there is a way for all of you to find each other face to face. What a concept! Decent people who find each other.
I bought your e book over the past winter & it saved my life. That & reading these daily posts and responses. I would still be sitting here, waiting for rollerdick ( he roller skates….. Shuffle skates to be exact). Google it…. He and his rollerwhore only like it if there is live organ music! I had myself convinced, after following the advice on other sites, that he was having a major mid life crisis & the roller skating was ” the replay” stage. I was the “left behind spouse” & I was my job to remain “standing” while I waited (years??, maybe never??) for him to go thru all the stages. What a load of crap.
Let me abandon our 39 year marriage, 4 kids, 5 grandkids for some adolescent dream & subsequent cheating to add the whipped cream with cherry on top. His family would have turned on me in a heartbeat. But they all think he just needs some prayers to make him snap out of it.
Rollerwhore can have him. He’s damaged, unfixable goods to me now.
Can’t wait til he is out of my life for good.
13 months since he dumped me & I moved out 5 months ago & finally found proof that his much younger whore on wheels was in his life months before he blindsided me with his wanting to be single line when he asked out of our marriage.
Now looking back, he was never emotionally present with our children or grandchildren. That’s why he can shove them aside for his new fuckbuddy. The kids say she can have him too.
Ain’t life grand !!!!!
Funny how they won’t admit it. Mine says he just wants to live alone. Bullshit.. how many guys leave their secure homes to “live alone and find themselves”… especially when talking to a MOWhore daily.
They think we are so guillable.
Totally agree! Mine kept saying before he moved into his apartment to “work on himself” that he wasn’t sure he was doing the right thing, but needed to be “happy”. However, never really articulated what exactly he was unhappy about. Now I know that it was the OWhore and he wanted his little slutshack. And wanted me to dance. Once DDay hit, I put the rest of his stuff in storage and not a peep from him sense.
Like everyone else, I was saved by this blog and the straight talk, common sense, slap upside the head wisdom of Chump Lady and everyone who has bravely posted here sharing your pain and camaraderie and your good advice. Thank you a million times!!
Happy, Happy Blog birthday, CL!! There aren’t enough words to express how thankful I am for you and Chump Nation. I KNOW I would not have made it this far if not for your book and reading this site. Thanks for sharing what is so difficult to understand AND to articulate to those who just don’t get it!! Love to you and all of Chump Nation!!
Tracy
It’s not an understatement that you, your book, and this blog saved me. I was completely blindsided by my now ex’s abandonment and I was a mess. Still a bit of a mess but much better because of the help and support I’ve received here.
A thousand thank-yous to you and…..i know your book and this blog will continue to be successful.
Happy Burthday,
Very Grareful Chumpfor21
I agree Chumpfor21, this site saved my life and sanity. Thank you Tracy !! And every chump here !! Happy Birthday!!
I might not have completely reached the other side, but I’m farther down the road than I ever thought possible when my heart and life were decimated, and that’s because of Tracy, her blog and all the fellow chumps here. I’m smiling/laughing, I feel worthwhile and of value (things he NEVER made me feel), and more importantly my kids are healing and thriving too. He’ll never get close enough to break our spirit or hearts again.
(((Hugs to all those who are struggling through those early days))). I will never understand why a twenty eight year relationship (and raising three beautiful children together) did not merit one talk about our future, or lack thereof. No integrity or respect whatsoever. And then to heap abuse on top, it is just so mind boggling. So Chumps, Hang in there, life is so much better without dishonest and disordered in it. Kathy, I totally get this, “He’ll never get close enough to break our spirit or hearts again.”
Thanks so much Drew !
After 30+ years together, we didn’t merit one talk either (and you are so right – that truly shows a complete lack of integrity and respect !!). “The abuse heaped on top was mind boggling” ….even more so was the pure hatred he has for me, it’s so strong he’s passed it on to his own kids, because they’re a part of me.
Coming here, and thanks to all of you here, I’m learning, my kids are learning …how much better life is “without dishonest and disordered in it”.
Happiest Birthday! THANK YOU for all of your wisdom! I look forward to your post every day and have shared with countless friends in need!
Count me another life gained
CL, many thanks for putting in so much care and work into this site. You started a mere two months after I discovered my ex-wife’s secret life, and I was lucky enough to Google-stumble upon you.
Getting chumped is such a crazy journey of mind-f#ckery. Your fundamental, clear headed and amusing approach has been a great tonic. Happy birthday.
As a blog birthday gift and way of saying thank you, I’m going to donate the most I can afford to your site/cause (Donate button upper right).
Anyone with me? Let’s show CL our gratitude! 🙂
Great idea!
Happy Birthday! Life saving and life changing!
I have been so grateful for this place of refuge. I only wish I had found it sooner. There was so much nonsense to plow through only to realize there was really nothing out there making sense until finding you. Thank you so much.
My dday occurred March 26, 2012. I was hooked on how to save your marriage alone websites, then I found you around June 2012. I’m pretty sure without you I would still be “standing for my marriage”. Instead, I’m divorced, run 2 businesses, and sitting back enjoying life without the daily mindfuck. Some of my best comebacks to manipulators (which I can spot better now) have been borrowed from you. Thank you just doesn’t express the gratitude I have for you.
Happy birthday! I am so inredibly thankful I found this blog only about six weeks or so past dday. It has been an absolute lifeline for me. Tracy, your great wisdom and strength (and that of Chump Nation) have taught me so much and have shown me that it is possible to survive this and come out happy, and maybe even better off, on the other side. It’s nice to have such smart, sensitive, kind companions with great senses of humor on the jnourney to Meh. Thank you, Tracy, for all your hard work and investment in creating this space that means so much and that has saved so many.
I discovered this blog in 2013. I was going into year 3 of chasing unicorns with the ex. I can’t even call it reconciliation because I was the only one reconciling over something he did.
I think I knew deep down that our marriage was over the day he decided to have an affair but I was so afraid to leave. I was with the ex for almost 24 years at that point and I married him when I was 20. It was the only life I knew. I spackled and saw remorse when there was none. I knew a lot of the things he was saying was bullshit but our marriage counselor was part of the RIC and my individual therapist wasn’t much better.
It wasn’t until I found chump lady-a link from an infidelity forum steeped deeply in RIC- that things started making sense. All the things my gut told me was wrong had some pretty common sense explanations.
I finally told him I was done by the end of 2013, got divorced in the beginning of 2014 and I’ve been no contact since March of 2014. It hasn’t been easy but if it wasn’t for chump lady and all the story here, I never would’ve had the courage to take those next steps. Seeing that so many other people survived really helped me.
Thanks to Chump Lady and Chump Nation for my cheater free life!
Your story is so much like mine but I am in the beginning. All conversations with my STBX seem to lead back to me apologizing for the things he won’t admit he’s doing/done.
I can’t wait for it to be over. I am so worn out by him. I can’t imagine 3 years. So glad you saved yourself! Thank goodness for this site.. my STBX has a way of making me feel stupid and paranoid but I know that I am NOT.
Our ill fated MC was also a part of the complex… what a waste of time, resources and energy!
newchumpatl? You do not apologise for shit he is doing – he is a fuckwit.
If he starts his narc-rage shit, you just ignore and walk away.
A very Happy Birthday to ChumpLady.com! There are no words that I can express more than just Thank you and Thank you again for developing this site and speaking the TRUTH of what these cheaters do to our lives and the people around them! I owe it to you for giving me the strength to find out the truth and the knowledge for me to educate myself about these Cluster-B Personality Disorder individuals. Thank you again!!!!! I look forward to reading your blog everyday and getting me closer to my “Tuesday-meh day”. *hugs* to you Chump Lady!
oops! I forgot to say Happy Birthday! Where are my manners?
Happy Birthday Chump Lady!
Congratulations, Tracy! So thankful for this website. It is truly a prophetic voice calling out in the RIC wilderness.
Any word on signing with a book agent and spreading the word more that way?
Hi DM. I’ve had an agent since last summer (when the book went #1 on Amazon in divorce 🙂 ) And I got a book deal in January. I’m waiting to sign the final contract (any day now….) before I make a big announcement, but I’ve mentioned it a few times here. I’ll share more details on New Book soon! But it’s with Running Press (Perseus) and comes out in March 2016!
May I take a guess as to the title of your forthcoming book?
Chump Lady – An Erotic Life
or
Jim Beam and Eggs for Breakfast – A Divorce Cookbook
I think you need a tv show, or at least a radio show. Pitch it to OWN, or Ellen, or Bravo. There is such a huge need your your point of view. Happy Birthday!
Congrats to you. You put things in to such honest perspective
Yeah, congratulations! I remember now you sharing about getting an agent. Looking forward to hearing more about the upcoming book!!!
She means 2016! lol
Oops. Corrected thanks.
Would be PERFECT if your book was released on…
TUESDAY!
Wow, congrats Chump Lady! I’m so happy for you. I’m looking forward to your new book.
Oh my goodness, congratulations! and thank you so very much for everything.
It’s Patriots Day up heah: where they fired the shot heard ’round the world (Lexington Green, Captain John Parker, grandfather of famous abolitionist Rev. Theodore Parker).
Relevant bon mots from this family:
JP: If they mean to have a revolution, let it begin here. (which he didn’t actually say..)
TP: The arc of the moral Universe is long, but it bends toward Justice (which, he actually did say.)
Thanks for all the kind regards you guys. Getting a little misty over here. Sniff!
Between all the emotional abuse, reconciliation industrial complex being shoved down my throat, and a bad therapist, I thought I was going crazy. Why wasn’t anyone calling this what it was?!? I felt alone, depressed and trapped. And then I found Chump Lady, breathed a sigh of relief, and finally gathered my strength through all of you. I simply wouldn’t have had the strength to leave without chump nation. Period. I’m almost a year post-divorce and I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. I gained a life, it’s all mine, and it feels amazing.
happy almost freedom anniversary to you singed! 🙂
Tracy, Happy Anniversary and congratulations on your impressive numbers and books. I’ve been glued to your website for over a year and it’s helped me through the worst time of my life. Thanks for creating this safe place filled with encouragement, bravery, and love.
xox
Happy birthday Chump Lady!!!! Your blog and CN has been a life saver for me.
Happy Blog Birthday! You have helped me so much get through a horrible time in my life and continuely helping me into the future. Thank you doesn’t seem like enough to repay you for what I believe is free therapy sessions!!!!
Happy Birthday CN! Boy, did you come along just in time. I didn’t realize you were so young! Keep up the good fight, and thanks for constantly reminding me where my spine is. Love Tracy, love you all!
Happy birthday! You have been a God send for me. Finally I found the vocabulary I needed to describe what was going on- blame shifting, mindfuckery and so on. Being understood and gaining understanding are priceless. Thank you so much!
Happy Birhday, and many more!
You have created a sanctuary of sanity with this site.
Your words accelerated my healing through the Troubles, and your wit made me laugh on some of the darkest days of my life. I am ever grateful.
Happy Birthday chumplady,
CL and CN are truly the best therapy,
Sanity savers !
Love the name, ha ha wish I thought of that. Thank you Tracy you have saved my sanity
I don’t know if it was your intention to change lives when you spoke the truth, but you have, Tracy.
Thanks for that.
Happy Birthday to something you should be really proud of.
Namedforvera, Revolution is right! 😉
Tracy, I am so Thankful for your blog, the wisdom you provide, and the gifts you have.
Too, a great big Thank You to all in Chump Nation who share their stories, and their wit, and who have bared their souls here.
Happy 3rd Birthday, CHUMP LADY! And I will have that piece of cake!
Happy Birthday and congrats, Tracy. Thank you for your wit and wisdom.
I liken cheating to having a dead cow in the dining room. The RC complex says That’s not a dead cow! It’s not really lying there stinking, oozing and getting ready to explode! See, it’s really a table. It’s in your dining room, isn’t it? Throw a table cloth over it. Set it for dinner with your best china and candles! ”
You, on the other hand, walked into our dining rooms and told it like it really was.” Hey, did you know you have a dead bovine set for dinner?” Yup, it’r really a dead cow. Here, I’ll help you drag it outside.”
That is just one of the things I love about this blog. You and all my sisters and brothers in the chump nation helped me to connect the dots and finally quit blaming myself for my supposed 50 percent of the craziness that went down when cheater ex imploded everything. Thank you, Tracy
Love the analogy! Cheating is a dead carcass, but once we drag that sucker out of our lives, we box it up and let the cheaters have it for their “love nests”! Their “fantasy” actually believes it’s a table and they get to live with the oozing, gross remains for the rest of their miserable lives! Good riddance!
Just wanted to celebrate the CL birthday by posting this link to a NY Times article that supports the ‘you only control you’ position in marriage, counters the ‘divorce-proofing and affair-proofing’ bullshit, and reminds us that part of marriage success is sheer luck in who we marry!
http://op-talk.blogs.nytimes.com/2015/02/09/can-scientific-relationship-advice-save-your-marriage/?rref=fashion/weddings&module=Ribbon&version=origin®ion=Header&action=click&contentCollection=Weddings&pgtype=article
I love the CL is getting these messages out to people who need it most! Perhaps the culture is starting a little shift, that can grow ….
Happy birthday! I found this blog when it was about six months old. I had been googling sites on verbal abuse and domestic violence. They all left me feeling depressed and not very hopeful, like many of you say about the save your marriage sites. Finally someone who not only said you can escape a bad marriage, but also talked about how to keep and regain your life once you had. You gave me the strength of anger, and righteous indignation to be able to begin the terrifying task of leaving a scary monster.
Now, the paperwork is nearly done on my divorce and he has been out of my house for two weeks. I could never have done it without the help of Chump Lady and all of Chump Nation. You saved my life Tracy, and I will be eternally grateful.
Happy happy Birthday! Thanks, your blog is awesome and so are you.
Happy Birthday!
CL has been a huge part of my ongoing healing. I’m so grateful that this blog is here. It’s been a comfort and an inspiration to me.
Thank you Tracy and CN.
I have never commented before but have been reading your posts since I discovered it a few weeks after my D-Day (November 2014). I want to echo what countless others have said – your blog has been a life saver. My D-Day happened when my daughter was 17 months old – I have few friends and am living 9,000 miles away from family. I don’t know what I would have done without you and your readers …so a HUGE thank you 🙂 Now I need to get up the courage to actually participate in the forum and/or comment threads…
Seconding Moving Liquid, you are welcome to speak up NewLife. Jedi Hugs to you and glad you found your voice here!
NewLife, no courage necessary to join us in the forum sections. Come on over! xox
Happy Birthday,Chump Lady! And thank you for your wonderful blog. I think most infidelity advice on the internet is such garbage and it’s really disturbing that most of the things suggested on them ( don’t expose the Cheaters, don’t tell the other spouse, figure out how you caused them to cheat, etc) are actually contributing to the moral decay that we see today by letting the Cheaters suffer no consequences. What we allow as a society allow to flourish in the dark does exactly that, flourish. Let the sun shine on cheaters like the bitches they are by exposing them. You might “save a little trouble for the next girl”. Thanks, Carrie Underwood, for that one.
If they shrivel in direct sunlight then they are likely vampires, just saying…
Congratulations Tracy. Although my divorce was 18 years ago, I find your blog to be so very enlightening for me. Until I started reading CL about a year ago, I accepted at least 50% blame for his affair, his lying, gas-lighting, blame-shifting and all the rest of the crap that goes with it. I can see now that he is a narcissistic asshole. Thank you for the new perspective..
Exactly right, Valerie. My shit hit the fan in 1996, when there was no Chump Lady around to tell it like it was, I had a fabulous therapist who spoke of gaslighting and such and told me I was not to blame, but I don’t think I really believed that until I happened upon this site. I’ve been laughing ever since, and it’s pure joy to see other chumps being gently helped along their journey of truth and freedom. “No, you are not alone. Down is not up. Trust that cheaters suck.” Chump Nation rocks! Thank you, Tracy, and congratulations to you for bringing your special brand of snark and support to to chumps everywhere. You are mighty.
Tracy,
I found this site way after my divorce, when I was still shooting for meh, but failing. After years of research on the subject of adultery, in an attempt at self healing, I found your site. It was the kick in the pants I needed to get to “the other side.”
The sticking point with me was that I secretly (even to myself) blamed myself for the constant cheating, deceit, and devaluing, and I bought into the mask, even though it had more than slipped, it had dematerialized before my eyes during the divorce.
When I came to Chump Lady, I found your perspective so new and refreshing! You totally freed me from buying into the “blaming the victim” mentality. Because of you, I am finally into my new life. It is clear to me what happened now, and it all makes sense. So I was able to finally let go, and even pity the OW a little.
I still come back to the site everyday, because your snark and irreverence makes me laugh and see the funny side of what I could only see as a tragedy before. But I also see all the pain of other chumps and am so grateful to you that you continue to help them get free of the culturally imposed guilt that is force fed on us chumps. Thank you, and long live Chump Nation!
I’m so thankful. I was so alone. I truly wanted to die. CL, you are a real life saver.
I am so glad you found CL Twitching. Jedi Hugs!
Happy birthday! I’m so grateful for the common-sense message of this blog and the community that has emerged around it. Reading here helped give me the strength to get away from the creep and the compassion to forgive myself for letting him get away with it for so long. Onward to meh!
Happy Birthday ChumpLady
Thank you challenging the cheater narrative and all those flaky “so called” relationship experts, and the bull crap reconciliation industry that has “shit sandwiches” on the menu.
Thank you for translating word salad bull crap “paradigm” from those who romanticize cheaters and minimize the damage they cause.
CL, you are the voice of reason, common sense, and regaining life without a cheater. Your intelligence, wit, and good heart is much appreciated.