He’s Cheating on the Other Woman and She Thinks We’re Allies

Universal Bullshit Translator

He cheated on the Other Woman and now she thinks she and the chump are allies. Why this is not the Universal Sisterhood.

***

Hi Chump Lady,

I kicked my FW out about a year ago when I learned that his “drunken one-night stand mistake” was actually an ongoing affair. His Schmoopie outed him (or I suspect) as I got an anonymous email with affair details.

He’s been hoovering ever since, adamant that he ended things with her and he made a huge mistake. He even gave me a year of prepaid rent to the tune of $20K so I didn’t have to get a roommate while transitioning. You know the BS (although the $$ was a surprise).

I’ll admit, I’ve gotten a little too casual with him and stopped no contact because we shared a dog.

I dog sit when he travels for work or (in this case) a Schmoopie visit. I’ve sent him pictures and such of the dog when he asks. I really miss my dog and have loved having her over the last year.

While taking a shower last night, Schmoopie left me a voicemail as well as some text messages.

I guess he’s been stepping out on her and she thinks we are now part of the sisterhood.

I haven’t responded to her or him and do not plan to. Honestly, this was the cold splash of water I needed to show me who he is. Every doubt I had is gone. They don’t get a character transplant. He isn’t better for “her” or anyone.

I thought the UBT might enjoy this as much as I did (names changed to protect the innocent and guilty). I find it so bizarre that these Other Women become such victims and then expect the Chump to link arm and arm with them singing “I will survive.” As far as I’m concerned, she got what she paid for — a sparkly cheating turd.

Here’s the voicemail:

“Hi Chump! This is Twat Waffle! I’m in Miami right now with the Fuckwit. Guess what? He’s been fucking me for over a year and a half. And guess what else? He’s been cheating on me just like he did on you, girl. And guess what else? I saw you texting him all the time. Guess what else? He’s right in front of me, trying to snatch the phone away from me. Guess what else? He’s lying to you about being in Miami almost every single fucking time. It’s never been for work. And guess what else, girl? When he was in Japan he went through thousands of women’s pages looking to meet up with prostitutes. His email address has the proof of the ones he reached out to, text messages as well. [Screaming at FW] Get the fuck away from me! You should be embarrassed. You want to tell chump something? I’m sure you’ll keep adding with everything you have done to her FW! Don’t worry, he wants you back. I highly suggest you fucking get some STD tests, girl.”

She then followed up with a photo…

of her throwing all of his things into the hallway (hilarious) and the following (typos and errors are hers):

“i didn’t know he lied to you. thought you knew we were exclusive and official as of recent. His move to miami isn’t for work, it was my ultimatum. I won’t text anymore.”

He’s since been blowing up my phone. I’ve declined all of his calls and left every message on read. I’ve never been so done. I didn’t know he was planning to move back to Miami and I really hope he does. When he returns to get the dog, I will tell him I am no longer dog sitting and block him on my phone. Maybe without a free dog sitter, he’ll just give her to me…

Double Chump

***

Dear Double Chump,

Thank you for the public service announcement that they don’t change for the next one. All those shitty life skills go with him. Schmoopie just thought (dimly, narcissistically) that she was special. And you were, whatever lie he spun. Sexless. Controlling. A jealous ex who couldn’t get over the wonderfulness of him.

I would give her the pass that she was an unwitting OW, except that she found you over a year ago and spilled the details — and yet continued to date him. Also, we don’t give ultimatums to people we’re in secure relationships with. That’s some pick me dance shit.

So, now that it’s all blown up in her face, she’d like some chump solidarity. Or a rapt audience for her psychodrama. (Give her that. The picture she sent of a sad pig man reduced to his socks, wandering aimlessly in a hallway is pure schadenfreude porn.)

I thought the UBT might enjoy this as much as I did

The Universal Bullshit Translator is distracted by Lebkuchen season right now and is not taking new bullshit.

But there is a sad pig man! With a precariously perched laptop. He’s missing a tennis shoe and probably a Horcrux. Can no one help him? 

The UBT rolled its sockets at me and sighed.

The Other Woman thinks we’re allies.

“Hi Chump! This is Twat Waffle! I’m in Miami right now with the Fuckwit. He’s been fucking me for over a year and a half.

Yes. That same year and half since I discovered you, his girlfriend! Never in a million years did I think he was a person that fucks over people, except you. So imagine my horror upon discovering that — OMG — he’s a people-fucking-over cheater who cheats.

I think we should get matching tattoos or braid each other’s hair or something.

#twinsies

And guess what else?

He’s G. Gordon Liddy’s love child? He has a diaper fetish? He likes his elbow tickled? What? The UBT is breathless with anticipation.

Stop with the snark and get back to translating — or no Lebkuchen!

He’s been cheating on me just like he did on you, girl.

We’re sister wives now united in fuckupedness.

And guess what else?

Feral pigs nibbled his dick. He’s a cross-dressing Mormon. His middle name is Wenceslas.

I saw you texting him all the time.

And thought, that’s quaint. He’s texting his ex-girlfriend all the time. Cheaters never do that. Especially the guy who, I, uh, outed to you as a cheater.

Guess what else?

You’ve got syphilitic dementia. Extraterrestrials ate your lunch. Your mother smells.

How many guesses are there? 

He’s right in front of me, trying to snatch the phone away from me.

PickMeDanceForYourPhoneMotherfuckerHOWDOYOULIKEITNOW???!!!

Guess what else?

You have webbed feet and a fear of rabbits.

Will the guesses never end?

He’s lying to you about being in Miami almost every single fucking time. It’s never been for work.

A lying liar who lies is not where he says he is. I know this must come as a shock.

And guess what else, girl?

That isn’t his dog you’re sitting. It belongs to a different girlfriend. It’s not really a dog. It’s a porcupine disguised as a dog.

You’ll never believe it… I’m not special.

When he was in Japan he went through thousands of women’s pages looking to meet up with prostitutes. His email address has the proof of the ones he reached out to, text messages as well.

You won’t believe this — but a man who discards women like crumpled up tissues is the same misogynistic dick dribble who buys sex. Shocker, a man no deeper than dandruff has intimacy problems.

[Screaming at FW] Get the fuck away from me! You should be embarrassed. You want to tell chump something? I’m sure you’ll keep adding with everything you have done to her FW!

I keep a tally of all the ways he’s hurt you. I care! In that way someone who is fucking your boyfriend does. #shouldBembarrassed

Don’t worry, he wants you back.

I imagine you still thrill to the pick me dance, so I shall play the jaded-but-wiser woman, and you the naive ingenue who needs my hard-bitten wisdom.

I imagine you wonder if he wants you. I’m above such petty feelings. Which is why I’ve sent you a picture of me throwing all his shit into a hallway.

I highly suggest you fucking get some STD tests, girl.”

I have clap. #GuessWhat

***

Double chumped, please keep up the no contact. I hope you get the dog — but in the future, never agree to dog sit for a FW. It’s just hopium and an excuse to be in touch. Your sanity isn’t worth it. There will be other dogs… and much better boyfriends. Steer clear of the drama and trust the suck.

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LookingForwardsToTuesday
LookingForwardsToTuesday
2 months ago

I never cease to be amazed that someone who would knowingly cheat with your partner thinks that the shared experience of being cheated on themselves by the aforementioned partner somehow creates a bond between the two of you and that you are now “besties.” Yet more proof that cheaters of all flavours are idiots with the emotional intelligence of a packet of crisps.

Fundamentally, DC is doing a great job of keeping her former cheater at a distance, but might want to tighten up a little on the whole “no contact” thing and realise that her cheater is using the dog as leverage to maintain communications.

LFTT

Cam
Cam
2 months ago

I’m grateful to the letter writer for sharing her story and showing us, once again, that Fuckwits don’t change. We chumps really struggle internalizing this, for some reason.

ChumpedAndDumped
ChumpedAndDumped
2 months ago

I can understand DC’s feelings about the dog. I really miss the cats that went to my ex, and it was hard to say goodbye to them the last time I saw them, knowing that I’d never see them again. After the divorce was finalized, she emailed me asking if I wanted to pet sit the cats. She had quite the nerve asking for that after the way she treated me during the breakup and divorce (full DARVO), but it was still hard to say no.

It’s been two years since that request, and I’ve been no contact since then, although I cannot block her email entirely because I still have a share in a mutual business interest where I receive financial and tax documents from her from time to to time. They go into a quarantine folder that I rarely check. Recently, I saw that she had reached out with a personal message about one of the older cats being sick, and I wondered too if she was trying to use the cats as a way to stay in contact, and it’s really kind of mean to try to use the cat being sick to get me to respond.

In the end, I agree with CL that it’s better not to let the love of an animal cause us to break contact with a FW, hard as it is.

doublechump
doublechump
2 months ago

Yep, it was a mistake. I won’t be dog sitting. He has documentation that he owns the dog so I can’t just keep her. Just one more shit sandwich from the FW.

Mehitable
Mehitable
2 months ago

Unfortunately it’s just a way of suckering Chumps back in because….Chumps have big hearts anyway or they wouldn’t BE Chumps and who doesn’t love these little guys. But you can’t allow the FWs access to your heart or they’ll abuse it again. It’s what they do.

Hell of a Chump
Hell of a Chump
2 months ago

I wasn’t raised religious but find that some of the moral guidelines in scripture can be quite poetic and apt, like the distinction between “biblical tragedy” and “biblical irony.”

Loyal partner being betrayed and cheated on = biblical tragedy.
Side piece/proxy cheater being cheated on = biblical irony.

Attie
Attie
2 months ago

My case is slightly different in that my FW (married 26 years) didn’t cheat on Schmoops. She cheated on him after three years and he was DEVASTATED! HOW COULD SHE DO THIS TO HIM? I guess the wake-up call for Schmoops was that he beat the shit out of me for years but of course he would never do that to her. I heard after she left that she was telling people she HAD to leave him because she was afraid he would kill her! Honey, as his wife I could have told you that if you had but asked!

Hell of a Chump
Hell of a Chump
2 months ago
Reply to  Attie

Researchers argued that many crime accomplices or “murderers’ apprentices” get romantically involved with killers because of how “special” if feels to be “spared” when others weren’t. I guess it’s a category of hybristophilia.

doublechump
doublechump
2 months ago

He’s a monster, but not for me!

slow
slow
2 months ago

This is exactly like the FW’s OW in my case. FW impregnated her after she knew of my existence and 5 miscarriages and the 6 month old rainbow baby at home. OW thought she was above being cheated on….only to find out that I had been pregnant on the day I delivered my 2nd baby. (I had picked me danced while he was with both at the same time ,was in the dark then) oh she was in agony and dared to compare her finding out about my pregnancy to when I found out about hers. Suddenly its lets trade notes…he does this and this, he’s controlling, jealous etc all the while trying to still win him over to herself. Sending me stupid shit like my children are resilient that they’ll survive ,that I deserved better while she was dancing harder on the other end. Finally put an end to that shit show and moved away with my kids and no I won’t facilitate my children knowing hers .it’s not my job and no, she can get a sibling for that if she wishes. My kids have suffered unimaginable neglect and abandonment not mentioned here due to her involvement. If in future they’d wish to meet the half sibling their dad can do it, as for me….I’m indifferent. Trying to forge a bond only made them have sex while laughing at my gullibility. So now she’s inherited my problem, not my man and good luck because she is going to need it. These OW are delusional as the FW they cheat with. Go no contact. Or get a new dog that’s solely yours. Shut that hoovering door forever

Elsie_
Elsie_
2 months ago

Hope springs eternal! I guess that people like to live in the moment and make assumptions, but they’re not asking the right questions. I get that these types can also be so slimy that they fool the professionals.

As our mutual therapist liked to say, “Wherever they go, there they are.” They take their ugly selves into the next relationship and very likely will do it all over again.

Mighty Warrior
Mighty Warrior
2 months ago

Oh the drama! What I love about being divorced from the ex, one thing amongst many, is the lack of fabricated drama in my life. The energy previously spent on talking him down off the ceiling is now spent on enjoying my life!

ChumpDchump
ChumpDchump
2 months ago
Reply to  Mighty Warrior

If we could harness the energy of narcissists’ drama, we could end global warming.

Mighty Warrior
Mighty Warrior
2 months ago
Reply to  ChumpDchump

My theory is that it’s the narcissists’ drama causing global warming: there’s so many of them and they create so much noxious hot air 😂

ChumpDchump
ChumpDchump
2 months ago
Reply to  Mighty Warrior

Hahaha, “bullshit” is a greenhouse gas.

Hell of a Chump
Hell of a Chump
2 months ago
Reply to  ChumpDchump

All that methane from brain farts.

hush
hush
2 months ago

“Unwitting OW” vs “Knowing OW” … meh. Not your problem. These are unbalanced folks – this is unhinged behavior. Cognitive dissonance isn’t to be trifled with (they usually go back multiple times), and we can’t fix or save people. Block & delete these jerky weirdos if you do not have court-ordered shared custody. And go ahead and keep the dog next time if you were never married to the FW. The end.

doublechump
doublechump
2 months ago
Reply to  hush

She was a VERY knowing AP.

hush
hush
2 months ago
Reply to  doublechump

Oh yes. I was referring to this part of your letter: “His Schmoopie outed him (or I suspect) as I got an anonymous email with affair details.”

Doesn’t matter if he had a harem and that was another OW. Trust That He Sucks!

Orlando
Orlando
2 months ago

I fully expect to get a communication like this in the future, or not. I did threaten legal action that one time OW contacted me after all. You can take care of the dog without communicating with him you know. Many of us with kids do that very same thing. Have him contact a friend or your family member to arrange drop offs & pick ups. Then you can avoid crazy drama queens like the Schmoopie!

doublechump
doublechump
2 months ago
Reply to  Orlando

I’m just going to forgo watching the dog going forward and fully go NC. It’s on me for keeping that door open. Slimy FWs will schmooze their way in any opening.

ChumpDchump
ChumpDchump
2 months ago
Reply to  doublechump

You see how messed up this is? They take advantage of your kindness – that you are a caring person who won’t let harm come to an animal – to manipulate you and keep you in their orbit. For the rest of us, abandoning our dog to an Ex is simply not an option. I’m sure if you said something like “pick up your dog by the end of the week or I am sending it to a shelter” that you would be accused of being heartless, even though he abandoned his dog.

doublechump
doublechump
2 months ago
Reply to  ChumpDchump

I simply texted him that I wouldn’t be watching her going forward and that if he was unable to keep her without a free dog sitter, I would take her. I love the dog. I would keep her in a heart beat. It’s why I’ve been dog sitting.

Mehitable
Mehitable
2 months ago
Reply to  doublechump

If you get a chance, you should keep the dog. Fuck that asshole. I mean it. He doesn’t deserve the love of an animal or anything else. He’s not gonna treat that dog right, going forward, you know that.

OHFFS
OHFFS
2 months ago
Reply to  Mehitable

Absolutely!

Other Kat
Other Kat
2 months ago
Reply to  doublechump

Here’s my totally unsolicited opinion after years of learning the hard way, but I think you’ve left him with too many options that add up to allowing him to maintain control of both you and the dog. As things stand, he may or may not decide to keep her, you may or may not be informed of his decision, and you may or may not end up with the dog. If he knows you actually love the dog and would gladly keep her, there’s a good chance he’ll keep her himself and/or do something disturbing like give her to someone else or worse.

As so many of us here have discovered with parallel parenting, it generally works best with FWs to make your own decisions to the degree your custody arrangements allow and act accordingly. Inform the other party as needed but don’t offer alternative options or justify, explain, or excuse your decisions. If you share the dog and there are no legal arrangements in place, you could just as easily decide to keep her and let him decide if he wants to make an issue of it. Based on what you’ve shared, this option would objectively be “in the best interests” of the dog if you did keep her and he tried to take some kind of legal action.

Either way, I hope you and the dog get some resolution soon, and congratulations on your forward progress with no contact!

Josh McDowell
Josh McDowell
2 months ago

Disordered people want to live in a soap opera, life is too boring or not “fun” for them.

Shadow
Shadow
2 months ago
Reply to  Josh McDowell

I think mine wants to live in a gangster drama! We were watching a drama series about an Irish crime family called “Kin” , late last year I think it was and he said to me when they had pissed off another gangster and he was going after them “I want the Kinsellas to win! Who do you want?”! I replied that I didn’t care because they were all despicable as far as I was concerned and he looked at me gobsmacked, like he just couldn’t possibly understand why I would despise such lovely people as super-rich, murdering dealers of deadly, destructive substances like cocaine and heroin! This was before I knew he was sniffing.
I strongly suspect he’s now “living his dream” doing some dealing for “The Boys”, the low-level dealer scum he befriended in the nearby city, which is notorious for gang crime and hard drugs! I very much doubt he’s sitting in with his ageing Mammy night after night, drinking tea and watching Coronation Street anyway!He probably thinks he’s going to end up rich and powerful like the Kinsellas! Silly bugger!

Mehitable
Mehitable
2 months ago
Reply to  Shadow

If he’s not careful, he’ll end up in a box. I grew up around guys like that, and I would not even tell some of the stories I know in public – the stuff they would do to those who crossed them was THAT bad.

Shadow
Shadow
2 months ago
Reply to  Mehitable

He’s an awful eejit, because he knows the score and what happens to people in that life! There was a long feud between crime families in the nearby city that carried on through the 2000s. It was constantly on the News and in the papers. There were that many murders, one family were dubbed “Murder Inc.” and there is both a book and a TV documentary of that name about the whole carry on. Some of them are dead, more in prison. I don’t think any of them are really living their best lives nowadays!
He was no gullible teenager when he decided to start sniffing coke either! He’s as daft as a brush really, playing Russian Roulette, but that’s his lookout! He wouldn’t listen to me anyway! So long as it’s all kept away from my son and me, that’s the what matters to me now!

OHFFS
OHFFS
2 months ago
Reply to  Shadow

I can relate to this. My FW was obsessed with mobsters. He played Mafia Wars compulsively and would heavily get into any show featuring gangsters. In his fantasies, he was a mob boss. In reality, he was a wimp.

Shadow
Shadow
2 months ago
Reply to  OHFFS

It’s funny in a way, isn’t it? I do like those sorts of programmes and films myself, but not because I admire those sorts of people! I like seeing them get their come-uppance in the end, and tend to look at them as warnings or morality tales!
I suspect our Xs admire gangsters because they’re overgrown, damaged teenagers in adult bodies. It’s funny, with distance, but sad as well!

Hell of a Chump
Hell of a Chump
2 months ago
Reply to  Shadow

LOL. I think you got a rare glimpse into the inner workings of a FW. Your observations could be useful to science!

In my experience, even pretty dumb narcissists tend to be far too guarded to share their secret juvenile fantasies but, if they did, it would be no surprise that most draw their delusions of grandeur or romanticized daydreams from very cheesy sources like TV shows. Just like their fake external identities are unoriginal and borrowed and their abuse tactics and defenses are all the same, their delusions of grandeur/romance are unoriginal and borrowed.

Shadow
Shadow
2 months ago

Looking back, I can see he always had a fascination with that life and those sorts of people, even though he knew from what was going on in the nearest city, never mind in Dublin, that most of the end up either in the grave or in a cell! His cousin has been dealing with one family for quite a while now, but not drugs, I remember FW telling me how the top fella in that family picked him up when he was thumbing a lift years ago and how he was ” the finest! Sound out!” and would often say that they’re sound so long as you don’t cross them! I’d remind him of the murders of Shane Geoghan and a poor young fella of only 17 years above in Dublin, both of whom had not done anything to cross any of them but still got killed- mistaken identity and wrong place, wrong time! He’d agree, but thinking back, he wasn’t as disgusted and outraged by those murders as me and most of the nation of Ireland were!

Hell of a Chump
Hell of a Chump
2 months ago
Reply to  Shadow

It’s one thing for little kids to daydream about being badass but it’s a red flag for anti-social personality disorder in an adult.

Shadow
Shadow
2 months ago

It sure is! TBH I’m kicking myself at times about all the red flags that I didn’t cop on to or dismissed. I trying to forgive myself and it’s not that easy as it turns out! We can’t undo what we already done though, can we? All I can do is learn from my mistakes and fix my picker!

Hell of a Chump
Hell of a Chump
2 months ago
Reply to  Shadow

For the longest time I would think that people who said outrageous things were just kidding or being ironic or hyperbolic. My parents were both sort of wry and dry or would say hyperbolic things to firmly establish their perspective that they’d never carry out in a million years (eg: I was assaulted as a college intern and my parents expressed their deep desire to “hire a leg breaker”). Consequently, I just assumed everyone else was like this. Man did I get a wake-up call later. Turns out, some people who blurt out criminal intentions actually mean it. Who knew???

Every functioning human being needs a little bit of protective narcissism. Arguably, the most harmless kind is the tendency to project one’s own stringent morals on other people. So don’t kick yourself. You’re not the only chump/turnip who fell off the turnip truck!

ChumpDchump
ChumpDchump
2 months ago

Meanwhile, in the brain of Fuckwit during this phone conversation: “Yay! Everyone is fighting over ME!!”

Hell of a Chump
Hell of a Chump
2 months ago
Reply to  ChumpDchump

Oh God, cringy memories of myself at 14 listening to heartbreak ballads and imagining myself to be the object of those romantic fixation. Because… 14, hilariously awkward and insecure with no understanding of anything real (like, for one, the stalkery dark side of romantic fixation, eek). The same goofy, delusional centrality isn’t as cute or harmless in a 25 yr old, 36 yr old or 63 yr old.

Chump-Domain Cleric
Chump-Domain Cleric
2 months ago
Reply to  ChumpDchump

Absolutely. I bet he loves picturing the two of them being “bitter and heartbroken” over him.

Double Chump, I say hit no contact again. You’re feeding this FW kibbles and inviting unnecessary drama in! Yes, you’ll miss the dog, but it’s not worth the shitshow.

doublechump
doublechump
2 months ago

100% agree. After he picks up the dog, he will be blocked on all channels.

Shadow
Shadow
2 months ago
Reply to  doublechump

Fair play to you Doublechump! He’ll hate it but that’s the right job for him and as for her, she’s no one to blame but herself!
I wouldn’t be at all surprised if you find out he’s farmed the poor dog out to someone else, or a shelter, or that you even find her on your doorstep one day in the not too distant! I mean, she’s a responsibility isn’t she? A living creature that requires one to care for them, and put the before oneself on occasions! He won’t be up for that!

doublechump
doublechump
2 months ago
Reply to  Shadow

Yep. I offered to take her off his hands. I’d be fine to find her on my doorstep.

Shadow
Shadow
2 months ago
Reply to  doublechump

I hope he gives her to you. FWs are often lazy so he may well do as it’d be the easiest option for him! Anyway, FW doesn’t deserve either you nor your lovely dog!

David
David
2 months ago

D-day 2013, divorced 2014.

For years, a significant part of me still harbored blame for my XW leaving me for the AP. Another part of me feared that she really had found her Soulmate in this guy.

New Year’s Day 2021, AP threw her out. He’d discovered that she’d been cheating on him for at least a year (that he knew of).

From what I gathered (I found all this out from AP’s texts to my son), she pulled the same nonsense on him: she blame-shifted (it was AP’s fault) and then pivoted to attributing her affair to her Issues.

No free will, this one.

Within two weeks he took her back. They are still together and from what it sounds like, they are predictably miserable together.

I doubt he sleeps well at night any more.

Karma was sweet, of course, but more importantly, it purged me of self-blame as well as the delusion that she’d found true love in AP and it was worth destroying our family.

She is terrified of being alone with no man to take care of her so my prediction is that she will either find another AP and leave the current one or that AP will reach his own breaking point and dump her.

Then again, maybe they will cling together in misery for the rest of their lives.

In any case, the point is: they do not change for the AP. To say the least.

Beth
Beth
2 months ago

The first Christmas after the divorce the Edgar Suit’s current stripper gf (now the Stripper Wife) called me to complain that, among other things, the Edgar Suit was cheating on her with strippers. I had to laugh. Considering that she was one of a long line of stripper girl friends, this should not have been a surprise to either one of us. When that didn’t establish an instant connection between us, she tried to tell me that he was a raging alcoholic and had started hitting her. I suggested she call a domestic violence hotline. I also told her no take-backs. Not my circus. Not my monkeys. Not my problem. I don’t have any hard feelings for her – like I said, she was just one in a looooooong line of stripper girlfriends and in my opinion she and her stripper sisters were just trying to make a living – I know where to blame lies and it’s with the men who make the decision to risk their partner’s physical, mental and financial health by using their services. But I’m still not taking on her mess.

OHFFS
OHFFS
2 months ago
Reply to  Beth

“the Edgar Suit’s current stripper gf (now the Stripper Wife) called me to complain that, among other things, the Edgar Suit was cheating on her with strippers.”

That is hilarious!

hush
hush
2 months ago
Reply to  Beth

I absolutely love your responses & strong boundaries, Beth.

ChumpDchump
ChumpDchump
2 months ago

This may be the first UBT that I’ve seen that involves the feeding if literal kibbles.

ThreeTimesAChump
ThreeTimesAChump
2 months ago

Just keep your (shared) dog, and block him.

vetbod8472
vetbod8472
2 months ago

My FW built an emotional relationship with her AP, physically cheated on me while I was away, then married him a year (and five months into her pregnancy) after I threw her out upon my return home. I would not be the least bit surprised if she cheated on him. (Which I can only assume because I refuse to be drawn back into the cesspool that is her and don’t care.)

SOMETHING is going on, and I only know that because I got an email from him (it’s the only thing I can’t block completely) asking if I could help him understand her better because they were having some difficulties. I debated whether I should respond but, against my better judgement, I sent a link (read only) to all my journal entries from the time I learned about his existence to the day of my last contact with her. Nothing else. Just the link. It contains everything, from the moment I knew of his existence, to meeting him, (FW’s and my) conversations about him and our marriage, my thoughts on what I felt happening, my suspicions, what I learned, hows, whens, wheres, and all of the emotional convulsions and mental gymnastics I went through, along with her entire text history, social media messages, and emails where she talked about the affair with him to others. (The only thing I could never obtain was her Snapchat stuff because there isn’t any, of course; secrecy being what it was designed for.)

He messaged me back a few days later claiming he “understood now but didn’t then,” tried to apologize because he “ignored the red flags,” and wanted to know if we could get together. My response was longer than I intended, but:

“I understand ignoring red flags, but a married woman who communicates with you over Snapchat for a year, who still lives with her husband, waits until he is a thousand miles away to have sex with you, suddenly asks if she can move in with you IMMEDIATELY AFTER her husband gets back without any sort of prior planning, has no contact with her husband from that point on, and is divorced 3 months later, WASN’T separated and seeking a new relationship… She was cheating. There is simply no possible way to NOT know. You just thought you were special and different and thought she would be different for you. And now you’re realizing that you aren’t special, and she certainly isn’t different. I simply don’t care about, or have any sympathy for, either of you. The only reason I gave you what I did is because everyone, even if they are garbage, is entitled to the truth. Do NOT contact me again. I will not answer any further correspondence from you from this point onward.”

Surprisingly, I haven’t heard from him since, which I am perfectly happy with. I’ve already done the math, though… It could have been her emailing me and not him. She’s attempted contact before, so I wouldn’t put it past her. I just don’t know.

Nor do I care…

OHFFS
OHFFS
2 months ago
Reply to  vetbod8472

You were very generous with that shitheel. I love your response to the half-assed apology.

2xchump
2xchump
2 months ago

DDay #1cheater 1988, divorce 1989. D-Day #2 cheater 2022,Divorced 2023.Pick me dances of any kind and any length for any reason enlarges your cheaters arsenal of lies, coercion, violence, entitlement, arrogance and more covert activities ..becoming a better lier. For chumps this dance leads to anxiety, exhaustion,
ability to get diseases and quickly dehumanizing his prey( you ). Dog or no dog, kids or no kids you are helping the drama and adding pounds of entitlement kibbles by engaging on any level with OW of any flavor. Just adding to the cheaters image of a wanted / centrally needed/ adored man.

Is this what you want
?

JeffWashington
JeffWashington
2 months ago

“Anybody that would cheat WITH you would cheat ON you.”

Love makes us all stupid. Sadly it seems to take getting chumped for most of us to realize we aren’t going to be the ones that they are going to fix their problems over-that shit is indelibly part of them.” Love is transforming…the problem is you sorta need to be able to actually love somebody for that shit to work. 

I am excited for when my ex’s OM inevitably reaches out(which I would imagine would be around when she comes crawling back). Could use the laugh right now.

Josh McDowell
Josh McDowell
2 months ago
Reply to  JeffWashington

Don’t count on it, better to go gray rock. The AP reached out because he wanted have coffee and get to know me since he’s in my boy’s lives now, told him to pound sand. Don’t waste your time on thinking she’ll come crawling back, there are better women out there once you fix yourself.

JeffWashington
JeffWashington
2 months ago
Reply to  Josh McDowell

Oh she did the deathblow to any possibility of me taking her back. I am not living the rest of my life wondering if she’s going to cheat again-a year of pick-me dance before D-Day is all I needed to teach me that lesson(well, probably like 3 months but hopium and all.) As far as the AP, I could just use the laugh. He tried to make friends with me when the pick-me dance started. Yeah no. I wasn’t THAT stupid!

Have a Mighty Day!

vetbod8472
vetbod8472
2 months ago
Reply to  JeffWashington

It isn’t about you taking them back with these freaks… All they really care about is the feeling of centrality, no matter how faint… Ego Kibbles, remember? Responding in any way is just ego kibbles to narcissists and other assorted FW’s. The thought that went through my mind when reading through my FW’s AP’s email was that it was actually her trying to get her kibbles by goading me into saying how angry or hurt I still was, or that I would go off on him because I “lost” her to him, or some other such nonsense… Anger, laughter, ANYTHING other than gray rock would have been something for her to latch onto that proves that a) she still holds some real estate inside my head, and b) I still have feelings for her… Fiery love or raging hatred makes no difference, they’re both feelings, and to FW’s that means you’re still carrying water for them. And they’re right. You are. The other thing I wondered was whether she was doing it to set me up as a patsy for forcing more pick-me-dancing out of her current chump. Or divert attention away from whoever the current AP is… FW’s are slimy, devious, and come up with seriously complicated plots to get their kibbles. And we chumps usually fall for them. There is serious wisdom in the old adage, “the only way to win is to refuse to play the game.”

Hell of a Chump
Hell of a Chump
2 months ago

I strongly suspect the AP in my situation blabbed so much about the affair to colleagues in the secret hopes the gossip might eventually reach my ears (that part worked), expedite marital rupture (that worked too) and she would win the turdy prize (oops, not how the cookie crumbled).

Though the nauseating specter of that pathological barfly getting anywhere near my kids or their child support makes me glad the affair flipped into a ditch on D-Day (the AP’s self-pitying howls could be heard from space), part of me wishes it hadn’t if just for the stinky fun of both FWs getting a stiff dose of reality at the other’s hands.

I don’t know what the fascination is with probability but sometimes I wish I had a magic screen that showed me how every possible outcome would play out. Maybe I’m just a fan of parallel universe-themed sci fi or want confirmation that the kids and I are living the best possible outcome following a major trauma. Obviously I’m still rattled or I wouldn’t be pondering about any of it though, come to think of it, I still laugh over the fact that a particularly vicious third grade bully was eventually indicted on corporate fraud charges, shut out of his family company and exposed in the headlines for running a creepy sex club in his $16m townhouse.

Maybe really corrective Schadenfreude is an Everlasting Gobstopper? Whatever is the case, I’m grateful to the chumps that share their hilarious FWs-hoisted-on-petard stories since they fill in the “what ifs” a bit. But it’s really only at a safe distance and in hindsight that this kind of thing seems funny so I wouldn’t wish having to go through this on any innocent person.

OHFFS
OHFFS
2 months ago

The sick fuck OW in my case wanted FW to get found out by me as well. She repeatedly demanded he put himself in a position where it was likely he would be caught, knowing he would never say no to her. This was not because she wanted him to be free to be with her, because she absolutely did not want to leave her marriage, but for sheer sadistic pleasure. I had never even met her and she wanted to destroy my life.
The OW in your case is probably a sadist too. I think most APs are to some degree. How else could a person stand to do that to somebody who had done her/him no harm?

Hell of a Chump
Hell of a Chump
2 months ago
Reply to  OHFFS

AP in my situation was a rabid fan of James Patterson’s torture-porn crime fiction. Come for the shockingly awful ghost-written prose, stay for the surgically detailed genital dissection.

In the documentary The Making of a Murderer, Brendan Dassey tries to recant his confession of rape, murder and mutilation of a corpse by saying he cobbled the confession together from a James Patterson novel. The crime and gruesome passages from the novel were a good enough match to suggest “inspiration” for the killing more than basis for fabrication and Dassey was convicted.

Mehitable
Mehitable
2 months ago
Reply to  OHFFS

At times the old joke “It’s good to be King!” pops into my mind, and I think a lot of them like this kind of fantasy about control and being the King/Queen of all the trash they survey.

Mehitable
Mehitable
2 months ago

I know we all say No Contact (although if I had a real nastygram I’d probably break that because I’m just a wolverine in a human suit) but I have a one sentence reply for that whore: WHAT DID YOU EXPECT?

Mehitable
Mehitable
2 months ago
Reply to  Mehitable

AND KEEP THE DOG, DC. FUCK THAT FW. The dog’s too good for him.

ISawTheLight
ISawTheLight
2 months ago

In my case it wasn’t cheating, it was abuse.

When I called out FW’s abuse (particularly in the divorce paperwork) OW called me a liar who was trying to “smear FW’s good name” because I was bitter or whatever. She was sure I was the one who had abused her poor “boyfriend” because he was such a great person and would have been much more emotionally stable if it weren’t for me. She and FW called me crazy, accused me of everything under the sun (including child abuse, parental alienation, mental illness, breaking and entering, stalking, you name it).

Until … he abused her too. She lasted three weeks in the same house with him before she fled the state (they’d been together for 4 years at that point).

Now her social media is covered in her stories of how she’s “a survivor” and how she thinks we should all “believe women” and “I support Amber Heard”. All the comments are from people saying things like “you go girl!”, “good for you”, “glad you made it out alive”, “you’re so strong”, “don’t let anyone dim your light”, blah blah blah. As if she didn’t walk right into that situation knowing FW was married. She somehow thought that a guy who was cheating on his wife was a good person, and couldn’t possibly be LYING about what he’d done to his wife. Just today she reposted a Tweet that said “don’t tell people to hurt themselves” which I find so ironic, because according to FW’s suicide note, she told him he was “too much of a p*ssy” to go through with it. I think part of his motivation was to show her how wrong she was about that.

I would love to say something in the replies, but it’s pointless. OW is once again deceiving people into thinking she’s kind and good and noble, when she’s a disgusting backstabbing bitch. She abused me right alongside FW and took pleasure in watching me fall apart while she lied to my face about what was going on. (I’m mostly at meh now that FW is dead and my life is fabulous, but there’s a part of me that really wants to see OW fall on her ass and get exposed as the awful person she is. Oh well. I guess I have a little healing left to do.)

Hell of a Chump
Hell of a Chump
2 months ago
Reply to  ISawTheLight

I was in a situation as a college intern where several women sided with the violent workplace stalker whom I prosecuted. You’ll want to avert your eyes when that collaborator karma train goes off the rails which it eventually will.

gonegirl
gonegirl
2 months ago

Ditch the ex. Keep the dog. Seriously. Keep the dog and don’t give it back.

Mehitable
Mehitable
2 months ago
Reply to  gonegirl

THIS. If DC gets her hands on the dog again, she should keep it. This man does not deserve a pet. The dog needs a better home with someone who really loves him and can be responsible. FW can do neither.

OHFFS
OHFFS
2 months ago

Possession is 9/10 of the law. Do not give the dog you love back. Do not give anything to this pig, including photos, your time and your attention. Block his calls. If he loved the dog he would have kept the dog with him instead of dumping her and running off to be with that crazy skank.