Let Me Tell You All About Them!
One of the classic “Stupid Shit Cheaters Say” utterances is, “You know, if you met (the affair partner), you’d really like (him/her)! They’re a lot like you!”
Yeah, you know if the circumstances were different, and this person wasn’t fucking your spouse, I’m sure you’d really enjoy hand bell choir together.
It’s a patently moronic cake fantasy come to life. You’re all just interchangeable really, united in your love for the cheater. How can you take offense? They’re a GOOD PERSON just like you! If you could get over your unreasonable prejudice, you’d see that! But I guess you’re just too consumed with bitterness and jealousy, alas.
I see this again and again in my mail from chumps — once outed, the cheater feels totally emboldened to talk about the affair partner in glowing terms to the chump. Of course, this has the intended effect of goading the chump into more frenetic pick-me dancing. I’m sure part of the Mindy-Is-So-Awesome! phenomenon is deliberate and intentionally hurtful, but the other part is narcissistic cluelessness. Hey, what really matters here is MY happiness.
Can’t you be happy for them?
I’ve never felt a love like this before!
She has really big tits!
He so gets me. Like, the REAL me. He believes in my natural selection/screen play/get rich quick scheme unlike YOU.
What are cheaters thinking here? That you’re going to slap them on the back and congratulate them on their good fortune? Well DONE, Forsythe! You really bagged a gem there!
Or perhaps they’re thinking that you’ll just graciously concede defeat and walk off the field? It would be really unsportsmanlike of you to ask for a decent divorce settlement.
Or maybe you’re supposed to nod in agreement? “Oh yeah, Bob is ALL THAT. And did you notice what a fine head of hair he has? Is that his natural color? Just wow.”
Here’s some advice, chumps — shut that shit down.
The minute your cheater starts playing compare and contrast to their fuckbuddy? You’re DONE. The conversation is OVER.
I realize some therapists encourage this crap, so you know, you examine all the dynamics that drove them to cheat, and what needs you weren’t meeting, like your male pattern baldness and such. (Did you see Bob’s hair?)
But really, why would you spend one second competing with an affair partner? This is a marriage commitment, not the Hunger Games.
Know your worth.
Yep. Definitely one of the most insulting and rage-inducing statements ex ever uttered. It took all my will not to physically attack him when that one came out. All I could do was reply through gritted teeth, “You’d better never say anything like that ever again, and clearly, you don’t know me very well.” We had some similarities, but they definitely stopped where morals, fucking married people and shattering families were concerned.
I was married 20 years. After I discovered the affair thru phone records, I made the mistake of asking, who is this woman, what does she even look like? I got, she is very beautiful, 5 foot 7 and about 110 pounds. (I am overweight and he knows it bothers me) I think if you got to know her you would really like her. Another time he showed up at the house, we had not even discussed divorce yet, and he said, Do you mind if I take her to my niece’s wedding? I said, No, why would I mind? And obviously that was not a good enough answer, because he then went on to say, well it is on your birthday and all, I just wanted to make sure you did not mind. I said, nope, you go right ahead. I wasn’t going to let him know that he was just throwing my heart further into a chipper. And so even with that, he then continues on and says, oh, good, well can you help me pick out a tie to wear to the wedding? And this f*cking wedding was not even for 2 more months! So he went to this giant family wedding with his whore, and we had not even discussed divorce yet. This is just the very tip of the iceberg. This man did and said horrible horrible things to me. Unimagineable things. When I had finally had enough, I pulled my doormat self out of the chipper, went and located this whores ex husband, and f*cked him for 3 months and hung out with him and her son. Invited him over to our house all the time. You want to violate my life whore? Help destroy a family? Well I just sprayed my mark all over yours. At my age, this shit is now an eye for an eye in my book. When my ex found out he said, HE’s been in OUR house? I said, yep. He said, and he’s drinking our liquor? I said, yep, drinking it down. 20 years of marriage and he was disturbed that someone was drinking the liquor in our house. Still no divorce proceedings, he (Norman Bates) moves his whore into his mother’s house with him and his mother. I took time off of work because I needed mental rest. He shows up at our house, when I should have been at work and says, OMG why are you home? How are we going to pay our bills if you are missing work? I cannot make this shit up people.
One bat to the skull…Period
5’7 and 110 pounds. I’m 5’2 and fine boned and 110 is pretty thin on me. I read that a 5’7 woman with a small frame should weight about 123-136.
Honestly, cheaters like to hit where it hurts. I’m fairly thin so my ex made plenty of nasty comments about my introversion instead. It doesn’t matter if you are a supermodel sex kitten who cooks gourmet meals. It doesn’t matter if everyone else in the world thinks you are awesome. Cheaters will STILL find a reason to cut you down. The very fact that they say such shit says A LOT about them. Truth be told, I have some friends who would be considered 100+ pounds overweight. They are well loved by husbands who are faithful.
Yes!!! 100 lbs overweight and adored by their faithful husbands! Mindboggling — yes.
I’m also 5’2 and 110 is thin on me. Doctor will call me on it. So, I think on a 5’8″ frame, you may be a little underweight, darlin. The infidelity diet is tough on folks like us. I eat well enough but I exercise a lot. Funny thing with my situation is the X was a health-fanatic for 25 yrs. Did the body-building muscle thing and oh my – the women that loved his tripceps. I kept up in the gym with him for years but I preferred swimming and not dead-lifts. Therefore, my joints are fine compared to his which are all messed up like his are 35 yrs later, with arthritis and this one big muscular man turned into a limping Festis (Gunsmoke).
Then he got really fat. I never said a word. And, this is when he had his affair. He didn’t care about working out anymore, taking the dogs for walks, nothing to keep himself happy. He never once complimented me on my body that I worked so hard to keep healthy. In fact, we never made love. I guess maybe, he wanted another type of body?
Seriously, you cannot put a label on these folks for WHY they do it.
It makes no sense at all when you read all the stories here.
Yes, I agree 5 foot 7 110 pounds is skeletor. I’ve seen the OW, she is not 110. She is thinner than me, but just an average weight person. Just another lie of his to try and make me feel bad about myself. And I am a bigger woman, but my new man told me the minute he saw me has was instantly attracted, so I know it wasn’t my looks. It wasn’t anything about me. My ex and I were together 20 years and had a rockin sex life. This crap he created was all about the misery inside of him. Someday I know he will realize that, but that is not my concern. I am working on me and trying to get back to a normal life and have a relationship with a man who sees my value. I also plan on writing a book about my ordeal. I think my story is one of the more insane ones, and I want to help others.
You write that book, honey! I’m a professional writer and editor, and I’m doing the same. Calling it fiction, and the plot is, in fact, fiction… and a lot easier, actually, than the shit sandwich buffet that was my life for years. `Seriously, it was a real interesting moment when I realized that my real life was too awful for a novel, and that I had to tone it down a lot to make it a better reading experience for the average reader. There’s only so much shit that a reader will take.
My ex told me, repeatedly, that something was “wrong” with me because I refused to accept that he and OW were not “good and fine people doing the very best they could.” He pontificates for a living, he’s a new agey type, so this was a “proclamation” that came with references, documentation, and footnotes.
My only revenge, aside from the novel I’m writing, and yes that feels goooood…..is that I told my ex’s ex (which will get back to him, because he’s so so so “close” to all his exes but me….) that I had to fantasize about someone who was not-him our entire sex life, or I couldn’t come. He was an awful lay. And he had herpes (which I got). I put up with it all, because who’s perfect? Not me. And I didn’t want to hurt his feelings and knew full well that he just didn’t have a clue about how to do a better job of sexually delighting a woman.
Interestingly, the OW gave up on sex with him right away. But she kept him wanting her, kept his ope alive, so she could get thousands of dollars of free writing/editing services from him re: the business my ex and I used to run together. I’m kind of bummed that she didn’t get herpes too, but at least she can’t write to save her life, even with ALL his devotion and help. She doesn’t have talent. His talent is limited. I’m the caged bird who sang, but I’m caged no more. Just sad. And I’m healing from that, thanks to Tracy, our cynical, brilliant, saint of Chump Nation.
IntotheChipperChump,
Welcome. So sorry you’re going through this.
I applaud your revenge fucking. If match stick had had a wife, I’d have made it my life’s mission to get in her pants. Sadly, he’s twice divorced.
Nevertheless, you’ve shot yourself in the foot legally here. By not filing for divorce and then committing adultery yourself, you have gotten yourself into a pickle.
Do you live in a fault divorce state? Do you live in an “equitable property,” or a “community property” state. Do you want to get divorced? Why haven’t you filed.
We take a very dim view of wreckonciliation around here. Unicorns are a fantasy. But it doesn’t sound like you are looking for a unicorn, you are riding a jackass at this point.
If you want to get off the ride, we are here to help.
Hi, Ian Dubito. My story is a past story. I am divorced now for 2 years. I live in a no fault state. My story got more bizarre as the days went on. Still no divorce talks at that point, he took his whore away for an expensive weekend on our anniversary weekend. I was at home on a Sunday summer afternoon cleaning out the gutters on the house, (quite the glamorous weekend for me). Husband came right over to the house after he returned from his weekend. His adulterous weekend was so wonderful on his marriage anniversary that he needed to return and visit the wife??? Argued with me about money, I called his Ow a whore, and he then grabbed me and slammed his head into my face. Broke my nose bone from the top to the bottom, straight down the middle. In broad daylight, in our driveway, ON CAMERA! We have cameras on the front of our house to protect our expensive decorations during Halloween and Christmas. I called the cops, and he was arrested. I filed for divorce the next day. He refused to plead guilty, even though it was all on tape and took it to trial. A 7 woman 1 man jury. 9 hour trial that was like Law and Order on LSD – a complete circus on his part. Found guilty. 30 days in county jail. I have a 5 year restraining order on him. He married the OW. His story continues to get weirder, but I no longer have to endure the craziness. I met a nice man and am in a normal relationship. My story sounds like I am some Jerry Springer creation, but we really were a quiet, nice, normal couple and then all hell broke loose. WHat I have learned through this is you throw that Mol a tov cock tail through my picture window as one chumper described, I will eventually crawl out of the explosion and throw one back at you. This chump let you push her into a chipper, but I survived and thrived. It is all very sad, and I feel so sorry for all of us chumps because of the sheer waste that our ex’s caused. Great marriages all ruined, and for what?
I thought about going to the bar and picking up the first available man. I might have if I could have stopped throwing up long enough. We all know the physical reactions caused by this sort of betrayal. Then I thought I’d lie and tell him I beat him to the punch and I’ve been fucking around for years. No fault state and equitable distribution. I’m not sure why I didn’t. I really don’t care what his opinion of me is, but I’m not a liar and never have been. I’ve only lied to make him feel good about his sexual abilities. Yep, I have had better, and no it hasn’t been good for awhile.
Totally get that, Anne. I’d have had to stop vomiting first too before any sexual conquests. Plus, the legal ramifications of me committing adultery immediately entered my mind.
You are cracking me up. You said:
Throw in a: “I never had one orgasm, I always faked it; I cheated on you while we were dating; I had threesomes with women before we met; and you’re penis is laughably tiny.” and you’ve got the perfect recipe to destroy a man’s confidence.
If there was a way to avoid breaking no-contact and give him this messages, it’d be so worth it.
(BTW, nice job posting that image yesterday.)
I guess I wasn’t aware of the premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction comments. Those really put the cherry on top. Maybe also tell him you posted photos of him naked online as well as sex videos of you and another man. Yeah. He’s in for it now. (Love me some CN. What a twisted thread this is. Kinky revenge. Ha.) Laugh away the pain.
NC is the answer. It allows for us to understand the truth of many shit sandwiches we’ve eaten without the twisted lies that try to manipulate our feeling into thinking that they are tasty treats when they’re really just shit. Without NC I would still be trying to figure him, now I’m just working on me and I can get out the inner storm in the safety of CN.
*your (sorry, grammar pedant)
I think the “you’re penis” was a Freudian slip since I could actually tell him, “Yes, you are a dick” and be completely truthful. Good to know about the other stuff. As soon as divorce is final and house is in my name, the gloves come off and the shit storm begins anytime he dares to try and make contact.
How about, “Look Mr. Premature ejaculator, I just don’t want to talk to you. Now that I know what a fully erect penis feels like and I no longer have to fake pleasure that lasts way longer than I’m used to, you know, the usual 2-3 minutes, I’ve got way more interesting things to do. Give my condolences to whatshername.”
Lol yes girl. Know your worth. Check out Trent Shelton too…he’s big on this
I follow Trent Shelton on FB too, I LOVE that guy!!!! SO empowering and encouraging!!!!
I love Trent Shelton. Follow him on FB. May be one of the only reasons I keep myself on that site. He kicks my ass into gear daily!
OMG I was just thinking about this yesterday…. you know those flashbacks? Mine felt it necessary to laud over me how good a person she was and that she came from a good family (whatever the F that means) and…. Drumroll…. What s good influence she would be on our kids and how she could really help them because she’s such a good person.
Jeez theses Aholes are all the same.
Lisa, yes, THIS! They truly think that the whore is a good influence on the kids. She is the perfect example of what I want, and expect, my daughter NOT to be.
The whore in my situation is the biggest doormat and people pleaser in the universe. I want my daughter to have firm boundaries and high morals, ergo, the whore can never be a “good influence”. Miss me with that shit, please.
Yeah, the OW/OM is a great teaching lesson for your kids. Just tell your son or daughter to do the exact opposite of what the OW/OM does. Then the kids will have a good life.
Yes! I asked “did she cheat on her husband in her previous marriage?” Answer “she hasn’t been perfect in her past. But she stayed married for 10 years. As long as you!” Ok. Bravo to her. She stayed married as long as me while cheating on her spouse. Great job. She’s awesome.
Yesterday on this board, I was enlightened to what a “bitch cookie” is. Sounds like she deserves a big, giant bitch cookie! Yay for you and your overworked vagina!! Cookie for you!
Yay for you for working that vagina. Now, you shall be rewarded with the herpes. Keep going and maybe next year you can get the syphillis trophy.
I suspect that I actually embraced one of her cheaters accepting him in our group of “friends.” So chump of me!
Prior to DDAY #1 (emotional affair dday), my cheater invited (E)AP and his family to stay with us. She even tried to get me to buy a new bed for the guestroom first, and they were emailing about which expensive champagne to serve.
DDAY #1 came before the weekend the AP’s family was due to arrive, and my cheating wife had the gall to say something like “but I can’t just tell them they can’t stay here at such a late notice…”
That calls for a:
Go Edvard Munch. Perhaps he heard some cheater shit and decided to paint a paint expressing his amazement at stupid.
What. The. Ffffffuck?!?!?!? Speechless…
I know of two of his APs, and he encouraged me to be friends with both of them. (Before I knew about the affairs of course). One of them I was pretty close to. Now there are several other women I wonder if he slept with (or wanted to) because of how he similarly encouraged me to be friends with them. I think he must have used it to rationalize or legitimize his relationship with them. Or maybe cover his tracks…
I think they think it is okay if you like the people they’re banging.
My CheaterX had a very weird quid pro quo kind of thing going. I was invited to Schmoopie’s birthday party before I knew of the affair. CheaterX volunteered me to help Schmoopie with grilling sausages he’d bought for the party. Schmoopie wasn’t happy, nor was I.
I think CheaterX figured that the two of us would bond over his sausages.;)
Only if you LItERALLY get to grill it. The actual sausage. Jeebuzz.
Yeah. Cheaters are so unoriginal.
“You really bagged a gem there!”
This is a great way to start my day, CL! It would have been my 38th wedding anniversary today.
For me the comparison started and ended with, “She knew I was married and didn’t care.”
Reconcilliation WAS off the table from the get go THIS time thanks to you.
He had loving, kind, and loyal and ended up with a sociopath who fought like hell to keep triangulation going. She thought she won a prize.
The best revenge is living better.
I won my life back, thank you!
Congratulations on your narcissistic douchebag boyfriend with great hair! You must be so happy with Mr. Douchebag. Wish I could bag me a gem of an asshole like that!
“The Best Revenge is Living Better”, man if that isn’t true! Life is so much better without the asshole. When he told me that they were good together and told him that was wonderful. “She knows your problem solving skills involve fucking someone else, and you know she doesn’t give a shit about commitment or family. You two enjoy that”.
Best I can tell is that they never let each other out of their sights. Go figure!
Love it Stayin Strong! Wish I had said that too!!!! Damn! I wish I had found this site way back when it all started! satan’s flippin HEAD would’ve EXPLODED!!!
I did have my ‘moment’ though… 😀 …once I’d seen the super secret cell phone and knew for sure I was dealing with a cheater and not a brain tumor or possession…I went right out and bought myself a really NICE EXPENSIVE camera, binoculars and a Dyson 😀 …when satan saw all the loot he said, ‘WHAT THE FUCK DID ALL THAT SHIT COST?’ …I smiled sweetly at him and said, ‘Probably nowhere near what all the hotels, dinners and gifts for your hos cost.’ …his head exploded 😀
…his head probably just keeps exploding to this day 😀 YA FOR US!!!!
OMG, Jeep, you are my hero!!!!
StayingStrong
He bragged about being single and told me he thinks about me all the time. She keeps him on a cuntdog leash too. When I do think about him I picture how drunk and stoned he has to get waking up with a needy clingy ugly skank.
Single? That’s me. Never looking back.
Excellent, Staying Strong! Way to nail it! You two enjoy that. Haaahaa.
+1
“She knows your problem solving skills involve fucking someone else, and you know she doesn’t give a shit about commitment or family. You two enjoy that”.
^^ LOVE this! God I wish i had thought to say that!
My ex feeds our kids that BS!!! My 22 year old son told me the OW was very nice. I replied nice women don’t sleep with married men! He told me that comment was inappropriate.
Inappropriate: not suitable or proper in the circumstances.
Inconvenient: causing trouble, difficulties, or discomfort.
Sometimes the truth is inconvenient, but that doesn’t make it inappropriate. Unfortunately, as CL says, the price of a relationship with the other parent involves acceptance of the OW/OM. So, he is going to be very compelled to want to try to accept her and see her as nice. Any deviation of that vision is going to be very inconvenient.
My son live through the heartbreak that he saw his father put me thur. He didn’t have to choose sides, he saw that a loving father and a man he thought the world of doesn’t do what he did to me and to him ((son)) who was 21 when hubby affair was found out.
He use to always say he wanted to be just like dad when he grew up, not so now. He always looked at our marriage as good, almost 30 yrs, as it was, and now not sure what good is anymore.
This May starts my 6th yr from hubby’s affair and no intimacy w him, we are now separated,but 24/7 contact. Son has a ok relationship w father now, but it will never be the same. In fact the other day he even told me, he can have gf, but I hope he never finds happiness.
I think the idea of a toast at your sons wedding Jenn should be, “maybe man or women come between you!”
May , not maybe… Typo
grrrrr… Let me try again…
May a man nor women come between you,
Dealing with this kind of issue is so painful, Jenn. You’d think grown children would know how to behave, but the desire to see both parents as unblemished lasts a lot longer than puberty for many people. My therapist would tell me to concentrate on showing my kids why comments about the OW are unempathetic. He might tell me to say, “When you say the OW is ‘so nice,’ it feels to me like you are saying that it is okay Dad cheated on me because she is nicer than I am. It feels to me like you are justifying Dad’s behavior and implying I deserved it. Maybe that is not what you mean, but if you can try to understand how your comments make me feel, I think you’ll see why it is just best we not talk about her. I am never going to see her as “nice;” but I don’t have to complain about her to you, and you do not have to praise her to me.”
That’s a pretty useful explanation.
Response ”how so?” wait for him to reply. He wants to be a happy family again, bless him, and he’s young and obviously loves his dad, and it’s quite possible that his dad’s Little Miss New Boobs is being nice and kind to him for a whole variety of reasons. Which is great, of course, we want our kids treated well by the people in their lives. But stating that nice and good people don’t have sex with married people is just a basic statement. It’s not mean. It’s not defamatory, it’s just… true. It’s like saying ”Bob spent 10 years inside for murdering his sister” ”oh he’s really nice, don’t say that, it’s inappropriate”. Why? Get him to clarify why he feels it’s inappropriate, he will have to examine whatever crap his dad has fed him and do the mental gymnastics to try and align the two fundamentally incompatible statements; ”I’m really nice and a good person. I slept with a married person and broke up their family”.
This week, a person in my town was arrested for impersonating a police officer and using it (the take badge and id) to force a minor into “acts of a sexual nature”. This man was put on the sex offender list years ago for another such thing.
So the PD put it up on their Facebook page and people are screaming at everyone about how they have no right to judge, ‘only God knows what really happened’ and how “he’s a really nice guy, he just made a few bad choices”.
WTF?! Impersonating an officer and sexual assault on a minor are just BAD CHOICES? Just bad choices, not heinous crimes. He goes to church, so that makes it not as bad?
As a rule, I stay off the comment sections in news pages as arguing on the internet is an exercise in futility. But I’m really wanting to scream “Nice / Good people do NOT do shit like that!”
It’s the same logic used here.
“people are screaming at everyone about how they have no right to judge, ‘only God knows what really happened’ and how “he’s a really nice guy, he just made a few bad choices”.
FeralBlue, WTF are these people drinking? Heinous crime.
Virago, I don’t know what these people are drinking but I will tell you what they should be drinking…..Pruno (prison home-made wine)
“Idi Amin was a swell guy!! I know he engaged in genocide, but he was so much fun at parties with his jokes and his humorous stories! Don’t judge him. Plus, he made a mean chicken cordon bleu.”
We’ve all made bad choices. Bad choices do not hurt innocent people, they only hurt the person that made them. I had one more class of wine than I should have and suffered a headache, bad choice. This man made a deliberate decision to deceive others into thinking he was in a position of trust and authority so that he could violate a child in the most horrible way possible. It was not a bad choice, it was criminal and no punishment can possibly fit the crime.
I rarely mention X in front or to our son. I have been accused of being inappropriate among other things when on the rare occasion i mention his father. I never have said anything negative about his father in front of him. It can be something as neutral as asking where they went to dinner the night before. I’m afraid of offending him, it’s awkward . it’s like walking on eggshells when my son visits.
My son clearly has sided with his father.
Brit – I have similar issues. I have NO IDEA what is going on in my kids’ heads, but I’m sure Judas has convinced them that I am the problem. One thing Judas did was tell my son that I had had an affair with his friend 16 years ago. This was of course after my son found Judas’s fuck phone. Judas had to justify his behaviour by spinning it around on me. I was SO pissed at Judas – he had NO RIGHT to tell my kid that! It is one thing for an obvious idiot to believe I had an affair, but to tell our kid! WTF! Now – I don’t believe my son beleives it, but the damage is done. It will always be in the back of his head. Did my mom cheat on my dad 16 years ago? My oldest son (not Judas’s) still hangs out with the asswipe. My daughter rarely talks to me. I’m pretty sure Judas has manipulated them into thinking it was my fault we are divorced. I’m very sad about it – no doubt, but I guess I just have to wait it out until they figure out his mind games and manipulation techniques.
Apparently Judas has had people question him about his fuck phone: “Did you really get a fuck phone behind your wifes back?” Well, of course he has to admit it, otherwise he’d be calling our son a liar. I guess Judas’s response is “Yes. I did get a phone. FOR YEARS I’ve been treated so horribly and I never talked to anybody about her abuse.” Their response (according to Judas) “Oh you poor thing. You were abused for that long and NEVER talked to anyone? Poor poor Judas.” WTF???? I’m quite certain if he has convinced all these other idiots HE was the abused one and had EVERY RIGHT to go out and fuck around on me – my kids have probably heard the same line of bullshit and has them convinced of the very same shit.
LadyStrange, X has demonized me since the day he walked out. X has rewritten our history to make himself out to be the victim. He told one neighbor that he tried everything to save our marriage. X tells people he just couldn’t take it anymore,he claims I’m mentally unstable but refused to go for help, thats a lie. I was seeing a therapist at that time hoping he would eventually go with me. He’s claimed I’m an alcoholic, who knows what other things he’s said.
He’s able to tell lies and pretend to cry to gain sympathy and justify leaving.
No doubt he’s done the same with our son. Telling the same lies and playing the sad, abused, victim of abuse. He’s apparently very convincing by the loyal group of followers he has.
During the divorce X told our son every little thing and claiming to be the victim. Has my son feeling sorry for him.
I rarely see my son anymore, lately he has been ignoring my texts and phone calls .
Makes me wonder if X has something to he wants to hide.
Son doesn’t contact me on holidays or mothers day or my birthday. I’ve tried everything to have a relationship with him. I was a devoted mom, my son was my life but he prefers to stay with his Dad or should I say in the apartment. X stays at his GF’s. Who I might add is at least 15 years younger than I am.
I am sorry you are going through that. That must be terrible.
So sorry brit. They are very manipulative. I’m certain Judas has lied and told my kids tales. My x is an alcoholic and I’m pretty sure he believes his own lies. My kids – not one of them – want to BELIEVE their dad is sick. I was told “He doesn’t drink to get drunk.” or “His drinking is just the way things are….” My kids are idiots when it comes to alcoholism. Judas has a huge tolerance (and beer gut), therefore they rarely see him drunk. He goes to work practically every day and he has never been caught drinking and driving (somehow!) I’m convinced my oldest son is also an alcoholic – that is why he ‘hangs’ out with the x because the x ALWAYS has beer. The other two – I’m not sure what is going on there. Dear old dad was buying them cars while mom was paying for school – what the hell fun is that – paying for school? But hey – dad buys me sports cars even though I got into a major car accident and hit a semi 2 years ago, broke my back, my femur, punctured my colon. BUT – DAD buys me cool cars – mom only cares about my education. Bitch.
Jenn, X has been telling our 22 year old son the same garbage. Son has mentioned many of AP’s
great attributes that I know are his father’s words. She is well educated, she runs marathon’s, and the best one, they get along so well, Dad says they have a lot in common.
What do you think “they get along so well” implies? Knowing X he has emphasized the “they get along so well” to our son to make a point…, unlike you mother and me, clearly your mother is why we divorced son…
If your Mom was stable and more like AP there wouldn’t be a divorce.
Conclusion=Mom caused the divorce because she’s a loser, a parasite, boring, doesn’t have an exciting job and mentally unstable.
Mom would have an exciting career if Mom wasn’t traveling all over the country to further “our” career.
I sacrificed my career so your Dad could work towards “our” career goal (his).
After devoting 23 years of my life for our son and followed X so our family would be together, now I’m the dull stay at home wife, mother and school volunteer, band booster parent, etc.
Maybe Mom and Dad would still be married if Dad wasn’t looking for someone different.
I’m so sorry if your son thought your comment was inappropriate. Tell him that when he gets married you’ll remind him on his wedding day that nice men might end up sleeping with his bride in the future and that’s entirely appropriate according to his and his father’s values.
Plan on reminding him once he is married lol
Your comment was NOT inappropriate, especially for a 22 year old. “So is cheating” would’ve been my response.
Anyone can ACT nice, it’s all about maintaining an image for these dirtbags.
That’s what my X-hole says about his troll “She’s NICE.” Sure she is, for now, just wait until your selfishness and disordered BS affects her finances, future and children and let’s see how she maintains nice.
We get labeled as “not nice” for insisting on accountability and expecting them to behave like normal adults.
I’m glad you said that. Your comment was not inappropriate, especially to a 22-year old. His response is inappropriate because he’s clearly drinking the “infidelity isn’t all that bad” Kool-Aid. Keep fighting the good fight so that your son doesn’t become your ex.
Thank you! Any comment I make it, which is very rare comes back at me and I am told that I am not over Dad and just bitter.
I needed this support! I am so so over their Dad but don’t want this brushed under the rug like it is all good!
I rarely speak of him in any way, act like he is gone or dead.
My response wouldn’t have been very nice… “This ladies vagina mattered more than you, me, the family, a whole life. It’s not just your dad I’ve lost. It’s loss of the wholistic life and family you had. For example- look at how this is coming between me and my kid-you! I get screwed out of our family, and you defend dad because his penis fell into a “nice” one? Yep. Dad sure had everyone’s best interest at heart. Stick that in your man bun and smoke it you little twerp. ” but maybe that’s why I don’t have kids….
I have kids, and I would have been willing to say that ; )
Jenn,
I haven’t had either of my kids say anything about the OW yet. They’re 22 & 26 and old enough to know that she should not be discussed with me. There is no point and it would be hurtful. I haven’t said this to them yet, but your post got me thinking about what I will say if they bring her up. I like your nice woman don’t sleep with married me comment. I also think I will just tell them that if they feel the need to bring her up again, they should just save their breath and leave and come back when they no longer feel the need.
I’d say to your son, “It’s inappropriate to sleep with married men.” A 22 year old is old enough to hear that.
I tell my daughter that her Dad made some unfortunate choices that caused a lot of pain and she’s no idiot, she gets it. I also told her (as kindergarten kids know) that cheating and lying are not ok.
As for her relationship with her Father, I stay out of the way and let her figure out the rest.
Oh, they know that. Believe me when I say that my sons know exactly how I feel about what their dad did. In fact I think I told both of them that if they took after their father and ever cheated on someone they proclaimed to love, that if they came running to me like he did his mother, the reception they receive would not be the same. They don’t discuss him around me. If something needs to be said, it’s done quickly. I asked my eldest about his truck and he said his dad helped him fix the cold air intake. Normally I would have asked questions about the process but I just said okay and changed the subject. But they have never brought up OW to me. I don’t think they will but if they do, or anyone else does, I really like snarky, “nice women don’t fuck other women’s husbands” and then walk away. Snarky because someone would only say it to get cause harm to me, and NO ONE will ever do that again and get away with it.
Oh, Jenn, to get that from your son is too much. He needs telling off. Spell it out for him–“How would you feel if you had pledged your life to someone, raised his children, and he had emotionally stabbed you in the back and upended your entire life after ___ number of years?”
Bitter is the only rational emotion to what has happened to us; any more palatable emotion (sadz) means we’re still being doormats.
He told me “I don’t distinguish between the two of you “. He regarded her and me as the same person. Just members of his fan club. So messed up in so many ways.
A divorce judge will though…living in fantasy land he is.
My Cheater did the opposite actually. Even HE couldn’t imagine that I would be buddies with a superficial, entitled woman, seven years my senior (10 years older than him!), who had never worked a day in her life. However, instead of that path, he tried to make me feel ridiculously inferior to her. He took the three items he knew were my most bitter regrets and pointed out that the two women he had slept with on a regular basis (while I was at work) had both accomplished those three things – and then refused to tell me anything further about them (until months later, when I had already found out most of it for myself). It’s only my opinion, but neither of them are role models for anything other than self-indulgence and self-justification.
I am 5’7” and weigh 128 pounds, and yet for 20 years he nagged me about my diet and the fact that I wouldn’t hit the gym to create bulging muscles – then he goes out and chooses a series of short, overweight women. Don’t get me wrong! There’s nothing wrong with overweight if you are comfortable with it. I was just appalled by the hypocrisy of him making me feel like I wasn’t trying hard enough (while I was attending college classes, working full time and running a small business on the side – all while taking care of my parents who were in their 80s at the time and lived 50 miles away), yet he was happy enough with women who had all the time in the world and did nothing but entertain themselves on their ex-husband’s money.
My ex did too. He picked overweight mistresses and then when they left, he found a new overweight woman to marry. They now have an open marriage. I think part of the reason our exes like women who are lazy is because those women make adoration of a jerk their full time job, whereas a real women would never have that much time to fawn over someone. On the other hand, we’re often expected to meet their unexpressed or vague needs and make them super happy even when they couldn’t care less about our expressed needs and happiness.
Yep, the ex also made nasty remarks about overweight women and yet he married the short overweight mistress. Meanwhile, I’ll take my 5’7 130 pound self off to the store to buy my size 4 clothes. =)
Not selling my worth to anyone. The best thing I committed to do after I was told he was leaving. There had been enough shit sandwich eating. Every last one of them were jettisoned from my life. It was so traumatic and sad. I found other ways to self soothe and cope. Oddly my x wasband would go through episodes at the end screaming about what a good and nice man everyone thought he was.. they can have him! I was not going to play the game anymore. Thankfully they are all out of my life.
Good for you, EchoNoMorr! I like your steps to self-care and self-love. Jettison them out of your life! Bravo!
Echo
For years I heard the only person he had a hard time getting along with was me. Yet he has an audience of one since I divorced him. He has no intact relationships. My daughter didn’t want to see him last year in Father’s Day, she told him she was spending it with me instead. We didn’t have plans. They dread seeing him. Thank you for the reminder. It made me smile.
*snort* – hand bell choir. You crack me up, Tracy!
Once again, it’s all about THEM. Impression management at its finest. The AP, by definition, is a selfish scumbag who has insinuated themselves into a marriage that one partner holds precious. They have made the decision to fuck up innocent childrens lives (often their own as well as yours). These cheating pieces of shit don’t judge that as a character flaw because they themselves have no character. If they AP thinks the cheater is wonderful then they, by extension, must be wonderful themselves. How could they not be?
I said to my asshole X that I couldn’t believe that he would team up with a whore to ruin our child’s life. He looked incredulous and said, “That’s not how it is”. I said, “That’s exactly how it is, fucker. You let some stranger who has no respect for your child, or you as a father, slaughter this kid’s childhood. She’s a real lady.” Once this was pointed out to him, he devalued and discarded her so fast she’s probably still trying to figure out what kind of bus hit her.
Bottom line – anyone who will tell you that the person who has decided to wage war on you (behind your back -pussies) is a “good” person must be completely evil themselves. When you hear that shit – RUN.
How about the AP’s that are responsible for blowing up kids lives, ruining relationships between parents and fathers/ mothers and then tell the gem (douchebag) that they won that they the crazy ex is the reason the kids are fucked up.
My ex husbands AP said this:
“Once the kids see how amazing and in love we are and that this was all for the best, they’ll come around. I fully support you in anything you want to do to heal your relationship with your children but they have to want it. Until they do I think we need to just be focused on our new family and hope they come around.”
Yep….he doesn’t come to resent her for driving the wedge between the kids and him, apparently according to her Isis that. She’s just the supportive girlfriend that we all could of been best friends with had we recognized how great she is.
I just threw up in my mouth a little….
My ex’s main AP, who we learned on D-Day had been having an affair and group sex with him (along with her best friend) for 15 years, and insinuated herself in our family as a “friend”, had the nerve to message my then-18 year old daughter to tell her: “Maybe one day you too will find your true love and then you will understand.”
Can’t. Make. This. Shit. Up.
My children apparently learned from their father, the narcissist king, how to do the “discard”– and they discarded him. They have no contact with their father or the whore, who he has now married, and are at peace with that.
Gosh Paintwidow that must have been infuriating! Next time she makes a comment like that, don’t throw up in your mouth – be sure to let it all out all over her smug inept face.
Paintwidow – she’s a supportive girlfriend because she helps carry on his delusion that he wasn’t the wrecking ball to your family. In reality, she’s a Molotov Cock(sucker)tail that hurled itself through your picture window. Sickening.
Molotov Cock(sucker)tail !!!! HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW HAWWW. Oh hell, uneffing, you just made my morning!!!! Spit up coffee and all…..HAAW. HAW HAW HAW
Glad you enjoyed it, Calimity Jane! I calls ’em as I sees ’em!
Yep, she’ll be the “supportive girlfriend” until the new love high wears off. By then, it’s too late. He will either have to live with and tolerate the molatovcock(sucker)tail or he will have to discard and devalue her. Then, find someone new to blow up his life and repeat. At least we were able to distance ourselves from the blast.
I didn’t experience this with my own cheater but yes my serial cheating father said this when he spoke of his new wife… “You’d like her, she’s a firecracker!” I said nothing but thought “Um no I like my mother who was faithful to you and was the sane parent for myself and my brother, NOT the ‘firecracker’ who cheated on her husband.”
They don’t get it. They never will get it. LOSERS.
I have posted about this before. It’s one of the ridiculous and trite comments that my ex made to me a few days after DDay. He said something moronic like, “In other circumstances, you would like her/you two might be friends.” I was still in shock at that point, but I think I said something like, “I would never be friends with someone who cheated on her husband.” What an asinine and selfish thing to say. Their narc qualities never cease to amaze me; instead of shutting their traps, they make it worse by saying shit like this. I guess I should be glad– the more crap like this that came out of his mouth, the easier it made it for me to leave him.
My cheating ex husband said “you would like her. She’s a really good person” Grr.. I felt like slugging him after this. This coming out of his mouth after the MOW was threatening to sue me if I told anyone including her husband about her indiscretions. I did not tell her hubs but let her mother know. I would have loved to have sat in on that conversation.
My ex told me that the AP and I would be friends too….wtf?? On what planet would I care to be friends with this whore?
You know, my 17 year old daughter who has not spoken a kind word to her dad since D day or a word period since last October figured it out long before me. She said it doesn’t matter what they say, what they do, how they try to repackage their affair to be an okay thing ( “you’ll see, it’s best for everybody. We’re all happy now”…..ugh!!) what they did speaks to their character and that’s not anything that she cares to be around……period. I’m sure she’s amazing….lets hope so, she cost you everything, asshole.
The tribe has spoken.
Most times, affairs don’t work out. They leave everything to get nothing. I know that doesn’t undo our wounds or put back together our lives. But, it does give us enough information to protect ourselves from having our lives blown up by the same person again.
The Entitled One didn’t leave for a particular OW, but left so he could take a seat at the pussy buffet. About two weeks after he detonated our marriage, he told me how fun it would be now. He and I were going to remain BFFs, and we could sit around together, laughing and joking about our dates. Another time, he shared how he and his enabling shrink compared and contrasted me with two of the vagina options (I’ll always thank Fred Armisen and the CL column for that gem) he was pursuing when we were married. They were like me in some ways, but more “into him” and probably willing to pursue his interests more fully and make him feel special.
That might have been funny if it wasn’t so rage-inducing.
“into him”. Yeah, they are not into him. They are suckubuses who are willing to put up with devouring his cock so they can later devour his soul and some of his cold hard cash.
This “buffet” would be the one Ian was going to feature in a meme, I believe!
Yep. BFF. I got that. I replied, “Nope.”
Then, “Could I stay at your place while I go to a wedding near you?”
“Nope.”
Dope.
“into him” that delusional man. I’d like to put something into him (like a strong gardening tool). Shove him full of his interests.
CL – you are so right on. My cheater told me ‘she reminds me of you’. Well all her co-workers who many know me always even now express how unbelievable the affair was to them because…..(wait for it) she so trashy..Universal description.
As soon as he told me ‘she reminds me of you’ I literally lost all respect for him. I knew of her and couldn’t even fathom the connection other than she was the one who wouldn’t say no.
I was done at that point. Emotional period to a 20+ year marriage.
He started off with ILYBINILWY, to which I replied “Really” in the most sarcastic tone I could muster while giving him a most frigid stare. Then, apparently being clueless on anything remotely resembling empathy or morals , he thought to close the deal with the “You will really like her” speech. He then proceeded to tell me some of her problems and asked me to help brainstorm with him to help him find some solutions for poor widdle schmoopie.
My brain was reeling. I went numb emotionally. I was literally speechless. I did not confront him at that point. All I could was muster an “Ah, NO! I just walked away shaking my head thinking that he had lost his mind. That was the moment my love for him died. I knew I had just been discarded ….being very familiar with the scapegoating behavior because of my FOO.
I also decided that I was done and it was time to get my ducks in a row. I had a couple of months of nursing school left, and then state boards, and then he was history.
He obviously thought he had just gotten away with it, that he had won. Didn’t know me too well. Schmoopie either since she had only targeted him for his wallet. Didn’t work out too well for him actually. She dumped him when he moved to a much lower paying job to avoid paying child support. He lost everything once I finished school, and passed my boards, took my kids and left his sorry ass.
Of course it was all my fault. In his mind I was supposed stay, get a good job to support him and schmoopie, STFU and put him through college. Yep he actually told me that. Laughed in his face……… evil twit.
My boys and I got away from him, but we wound up paying a high price in the end. Some people are beyond evil. Too bad they don’t come with warning labels.
I think I know one way you could really help the schmoopie with one of her problems. Tell her to leave him for a better guy. That will solve a BIG problem for her.
You know, my ex’s mistress was a poor schmoopie too. I don’t know if they’ve got some damsel in distress complex, but they seem to like to spend their hard earned money that you helped earn to rescue her. My ex’s mistress had formerly had cancer which caused her to have financial problems. She had taken out a second mortgage on her house to pay off like 50,000 in medical bills. She couldn’t sell her house because it needed to be fixed up first and she wasn’t willing to move into an apartment and have to get rid of her cat. Before I knew she was a mistress, I thought the solution to her problems were simple. All she had to do was sell her house, as is, if needed. I’m sure she could get more than 50,000 for it. Then, she could take the extra money, put some in savings and use the rest for a security deposit and first months rent. Some apartments let you have cats – mine does. The thing is – if she solved her own problems, she wouldn’t be able to continue being a victim – I mean damsel in distress. My ex and the mistress broke up before our divorce was final. I’m not sure what happened to her, but for her sake, I hope she stopped acting like a victim.
*hugs* I’m so sorry. You did all the right things. It just sucks. I appreciate that you still post here. Your story is cautionary and important. You also have incredible strength to talk about more than just the tragic side of what happened, but also the outcome which was ok, or.. Good? You got out. You left, and you are still here.
Yep, still sassy and kicking…..getting on with the business of life…..and asshat free. Add me to the staying single for the rest of my life crowd.
Thanks for the virtual hugs, creativerational, they are much appreciated. I try not to dwell too much on tragedy when posting, but I will get down to the nitty gritty if my story can help someone stay safe. It’s a good thing to share all of the things that went down in order to help newbies identify what’s going on in their own situation. Personally, I had no idea of what I was dealing with in terms of cluster “B” behaviors at the time. A lot of what I learned here helped me quit blaming myself for not seeing cheater exe’s shitty games sooner, and for not being to protect my children. This is a truly healing place.
Remember my past with this topic there were two times my X did this crap.
First was before I realized (confirmed) they had an affair. I had my suspicions but she denied etc… and talked about how nice of person he is. Hell I even spoke to him on the phone once to give him financial advice because he was having issues.
The second one was the day after the divorce. Her and I met at a coffee shop to go over things that the judge did not cover in regards to our daughter. At the end she brings up her boyfriend and tells me she wants to introduce me to him and that I would like him. I put my hands on the table and looked up at her and said, “I don’t want to meet him, not now and not ever. In my mind he has no morals and he is a piece of shit so I would never want to waste my time with someone like that.” Needless to say she was not happy and dropped the subject.
Fast forward to a year later, (I warned him 3 years ago what kind of person my x-wife was). He is now 60k in debt, bought a 350k home for her and he makes a lot less money than I do. I cut off her alimony because of the home purchase (cohabitation FTW!) and their financial world is struggling.
Oh and I forgot to mention my daughter has finally figured out her mom and decided she wants to live with me full time. I told her lets give it 2 more months and talk to your therapist, if you still feel that way at the end of May I will file the paperwork and get you (her) an attorney to represent her that will be appointed by the court. We went over all the potential bad things that may happen if she makes this decision but my daughter is standing firm right now and this is what she wants. May 31st will be a big day!
Awesome Lothos – you are a cool cat!!
Congrats, Lothos! So nice to read of a male chump getting out of the alimony shit sandwich. I’m loving how your story is getting a better ending! Rock on!
I am glad you got out of the alimony. Good to know that the cohabitation thing might get some ex-spouses out of having to pay alimony.
Good for you. I wish you and your daughter the best. Every parent just wants the best for their kids and that’s why it’s so hard to see them subjugated to cheater characteristics and cheater behaviors. How can they grow the be solid and decent people when one of the people who are suppose to guide them and teach them has to idea what decent means?
Nicely done, Lothos!
Congratulations Lothos, your story gives me hope!
You are mighty, Lothos!
I never competed nor asked about whore juice but asswipe proceeded to tell me anyway.
Shes exactly what i need in my life at this moment ive never been really in love before.
(She was looking for a sucker didnt care he was married and amazing how cheaters dont remember theyve been in love before she just wanted a man any man)
Shes perfect and flawless.
(Uh huh. She has a huge ego she buys attention will do anything to keep the attention on her has weight problems health issues and looks down on anything and everything that doesnt go her way ran his credit cards up cause she has no control over spending)
She has her hair and nails done every month.
(I wasnt allowed to have hair and nails done i had to hand my paycheck over and was told i was beautiful the way i was and who was i trying to impress)
Epitimy of a perfect female.
(Uh no. Whiny demanding tries to tell him what to do the opposite of who he is)
I can beat the shit out of her during vicious s and m sex and she loves it. I am the master in every thing.
(Missed the memo on the bondage sex and he and i were always a team)
Her family and children and friends are perfect unlike our family and kids who are fucked up and very dissapointing he never mentioned any of that til he met her.
(She and her family are fucked up shes the boss and they all cow to her for money and ass kiss her and asswipe unlike our kids and family who are independent and kiss no ass.)
And heres the big one she has scads and scads of money she buys what she wants pays all our bills and i dont have to shell out a dime.
( i thought this from day one mostly he mentioned her money buy anything go anywhere do anything hes swimming in money now. My kids picked up on that one too only talks about the money mostly)
And these were just the highlights there are dozens more.
And i trust completely they both suck. My kids have distanced themselves by his actions. He will pay a big big price for fucking up his familys life but who cares all about the money and his decision to become a destroyer.
Good post today.
Kar, that’s all awful, but for some reason the one about the hair and nails makes my skin crawl the most, especially for him making you turn over your money. Glad you’re free of this prick.
I can’t imagine turning my paycheck over to someone else. My mom, however, actually turns her money over and my dad gives her an allowance to spend and then the rest goes towards household expenses. Sometimes, my mom doesn’t think she has enough, so she will write the check for $20 or $40 over the actual amount of groceries and just tell my dad she spent more on groceries. The money thing comes off as controlling, but I kind of understand why my dad is so controlling about money. My dad grew up in poverty. He never wants to experience that again, so he is frugal. My mom says money burns a hole in her pocket and she has to spend it once it is in there. I think I would be going crazy if I was my mom, but, at least my dad has much better character than our cheaters. They’ve been married for over 30 years.
Mine was:
“OW wouldn’t stalk you online. I know the caliber of woman she is.”
(It was her husband checking me out – probably her, too.)
Also it was:
“I’m not as RUDE a person as you. I don’t want to be associated with a rude person like you.”
(Insinuating OW was such a nice, together they were “not rude” people. Pretty rude to f*ck someone else’s spouse.)
You know, before I caught on to my exho’s affair with his best friends longtime girlfriend, I had been to their house. She’s hugged me. We’d made plans to do things together, I even wondered why we hadn’t been friends before this point. I know why now. I’ve scrubbed myself raw trying to get the stench of skank off to no avail… We are not anything alike, physically, morally. I recall asking him why his best friend wouldn’t (and I stress WOULDN’T) marry her, and he replied “she’s got problems”… She sure does. They both do. He wouldn’t dare compare the two of us or encourage any interactions.. That would be like swimming with a cut when there is a Great White shark in the water… you just don’t do it. Shut it down is my phrase from now on, in all things exho related.. Or I will chum those waters…
Pondscumbgone, don’t scrub. Nothing on you. And you can’t clean their act up by scrubbing yourself.
Mine didn’t leave for just one either. I divorced him when it became apparent he was never going to quit his serial cheating and there may be one he’s trying to impress at this point, but I also know he’s still very busy with several others online and when he travels.
He’s stupid comment, and like so many of you there were a lot, came shortly after D day#2. While telling me about some of his conquests during a ” truth” telling episode, he shared that he had met a nurse from a local hospital in the city he had gone to to interview for his new position, which he ended up taking.
But Jen, she was a GOOD person. I asked, “did she know you were married?” Well, yes, he replied, after all he found her on Ashly Madison, his tool of choice, quarunteed fuck for $249. I replied to him very calmly, then she’s NOT a good person, good people don’t fuck other people’s spouses. He was shocked. If she’s not a good person, then does that mean you don’t think I’m a good person? Duh, no, no I do not think your a Good person either.
He just was stunned that after his ten years of screwing hundreds of women behind my back, losing over a half million of our retirement account not to mention the 100,000 plus spent on his fun, risking my health with unprotected sex, all the lies and manipulation and he wasn’t a good person in my eyes. WTF.
They are delusional, there’s no other way to describe it how people who look like adults on the outside sputter nonsense that any 5 year old can detect as bullshit or a non-truth. From the outside looking in, it’s quite fascinating.
“You know, if you met D., you’d really like her! She’s a lot like you! A good person”
That’s exactly what he said! How unoriginal can they be?
the one affair that I know about, he said that to me about his whore. “you would like her if you got to know her. She is a lot like you, and reminds me of the way you USED to be when we first got married”… ..
well, when we first got married we fucked like rabbits. and I drank a lot more then I do now. which is basically hardly ever… … therefore, she likes to fuck and drink and THAT makes him think she is a lot like me???
whatever…. I would have fucked him more if I wasn’t so stressed over paying the bills, taking care of everything inside and outside the house, raising and caring for 5 kids, and wondering what the fuck my husband was doing that he was never home to help, and never had money to help….. of course his shallow little mind never THOUGHT of those things. he is like a teenager, only living in the here and now, trying to look cool and want other people to envy him, always ready for a good time or a party but sulks when it is time to act like an adult and work. I used to beg him to help me more, tell him that I couldn’t handle it all on my own. of course his answer for that was to drink more and to stay away from home more… gee thanks…
maybe if he acted with me the way he acted with her, or if he talked to me the way he talked to her, or he took me the places he took her…. well then maybe I would be more up for a fuck. but that is something he never figured out even after I told him…
fucking loser
It’s like they read it from a que card.
I didn’t know it at the time of course because she was just a friend at his work. Same words. She also loved animals as much as I do and that I would like her. ( WTF) What bothers me the most is that I guess he thought I was a scank like she is who 1 month after her husband died of cancer my hero X
moved in and jumped right into her bed.
Guess the Cancer was a blessing. Oh but don’t forget that she tells me that her dead husband really liked my X.
It’s really hard to comprehend how I so much like her. NOOOOOOOOOT
Heard the exact same from now XH! Here’s just a quick run down on how alike AP and I are:
I’m American…she’s Thailand. ( Totally different culture!)
I’m Christian…she’s a Buddhist. ( Totally different religion!)
I speak English… she speaks Thai. (Totally different language!)
I’m college educated… she has some training. (Totally different career skills!)
I have good morals ….she has the lack of any morals. (Totally different character!)
I am trustworthy, honest, and faithful… she is deceiving, lying, money grabber. ( Totally so alike NOT!)
Ex trickled truthed me so I’ll never know the full extent of his serial cheating. Interestingly though, he left one, long term ho worker off the list for quite a while even though I specifically asked about her because I had seen some questionable comments between the two of them. I have no idea why he held out on telling me about her because according to him, their hook ups spanned a 6-8 year time frame but they had stopped f’ing about 2 years before I caught him. When he finally admitted she was one on the long list, he said that she reminded him of me because we are of the same ethnicity and he was missing me so much. Missing me? Hell, I was right there and he was f’ing me too during this time. I called bs on that pretty quickly.
This is insane.
What?????
He’s a loon. I have a middle eastern ancestry and according to him, she (that OW) does too and he was attracted to her during a time he felt I was “absent” from our relationship. Yep, both my parents were in dire health during this time (and passed away) so I was busy with them, work, parenting, and everything else. I guess he took the opportunity to screw her and then, when he eventually told me about her, just had to mention that it was because of that shared trait. At the point that he owned up to her as being an OW, it really didn’t matter because he had so many OWs. It just pissed me off that he said that was the reason he was attracted to her. The BS is that he was simply attracted to anyone that would spread their legs for him.
What a slime bucket to cheat on you when both your parents were dying.
“This is a marriage commitment, not the Hunger Games.”
PREACH.
I knew it was over when . . .
I had moved out of our house where we had lived for 18+ years. I was struggling to clear my head and move forward. My now-Ex and I were working through custody even though I hadn’t filed yet. So he’s over one Sunday morning dropping off the kids. We are several affairs into the marriage by now and I now realize that he is a serial cheater, but this last AP throws me for a loop. She’s homely, uneducated, 2 kids, from his backwater hometown (an easy target). “I say, why Pammie?” (not her real name). He says, and I quote: “God gave everybody something”.
WHAT THE FUCK?
As I said, I knew then that it was over. I filed for divorce shortly after that and before our 20th anniversary; nothing left to celebrate at that point.
As usual we were all married to the same person so we all got the how much we’re alike the AP thing. I shut that down its the phrase “except I’m not a whore”
Comparisons are a really good reason to go No Contact!!!!!
She is so much “like me” that it is CREEPY… except she’s 10 years younger… the age I was when I met Mr. Sparkles. It is like is trying to get a do-over since he f*cked up our marriage so badly.
But knowing NPDs, he just has a “type”… and he’s like them damaged (her husband left her and the two kids for someone else). So, she was ripe.
It’s hard to be around their love-shine… but then I just pull out my copy of his Adult Friend Finder ad that is STILL POSTED and I think, “Nah, I’m good.”
And, given that she is #4, her demise is inevitable. Maybe I’ll give her a copy of CL’s book for Christmas 🙂
I had to listen to the same drivel……you and ‘she’ are so much alike. You would like her and could be friends. To which I replied, “We are NOTHING alike. I don’t fuck married men and destroy families.” HUGE DIFFERENCE!
Oh, the Magical Whores. So lovely. So intelligent. So amusing. Such good parents. Such high morals. So many virtues. Where to begin?
Anyone who thinks it is OK to date while married or to date some one who is married is a a fucking wingnut and NONE of the above.
I’m putting this one in my text (to myself) archives. So tragically funny. Thank you.
My cheater never said I’d like OW, but he said several times she “reminded him of his mother” and that I was NOTHING like his mother. It always seemed like a ludicrous statement to me because I was close to his mother and felt like we had a lot in common…all I can guess is that being his former grad student, OW praised my ex and looked up to him for guidance. She sort of worshipped the ground he walked on. Maybe it reminded my ex of the way his mother looked up to his father. My mother-in-law never seemed to have her own interests, she just did whatever her husband wanted to do. She forced herself to like whatever he did. She often told me I should learn to like football…my ex used to watch hours and hours of it while ignoring everyone around him for days. I just couldn’t do it. It seemed so unfair to me to sacrifice my own interests in order to support his. In the mean time, my ex could never be bothered to do anything I wanted.
Mine also said his final AP reminded him of his mother. Gross.
Wouldn’t matter Lyn. I went into marriage loving baseball and basketball. Within a month of us being married I realized that I would be a football widow if I didn’t get on board. Anyway, I had a lot of training from dad about all things sports related so it was an easy transition. After a while I started watching the games because I wanted to and eventually I knew more about the rules and league news than he did.
I adopted it initially however because he loved the game. He wanted to travel to different football venues every year and I said “Hell yeah, let’s do it.” Dozens of times people would tell him how lucky he was that he had a wife that loved the game and knew so much about it.
It doesn’t matter with these asshats. Nothing makes them happy because they just move the proverbial goal post. By the end of our marriage, I was “too passionate” about football. WTF ever!
I met my wife’s OM about 12 years ago. She and her friend went out one night, I stayed at home and watched our infant son, and the next morning when I was playing with my son on the family room floor, here comes OM having spent the night in our guest room with my wife’s friend. He just says “hey” and leaves, and I’m just sitting there thinking what a loser that guy is. Now 12 years later, I find out my wife evidently thought this guy was my perfect replacement since she went ahead and had a LTA with him.
I think my wife knows better than to compliment (or mention) this guy in any way around me. She knows I’ve thought the OM was a scumbag since the first day I met him, and given he’s been married to his wife for a whole 5 years (and been cheating on her the whole time), she knows there’s no argument. I just don’t see what she saw in him.
The comparison came from my preteen daughter, poor thing. She spent a summer with her father and OWife, and came back all confused. She told me I would like her, she was nice. They also spent the summer telling her what a great relationship they (finally) had and made not so subtle digs at the exes. Her father also moved 2,000 miles away and started a new family. End result– feelings of abandonment and a suicide attempt.
My STBX got offended when I called the women he was chatting with on pornography sites his Porn Whores. He said I was judgemental. Um, yes.
Mine too! When I used the correct language to describe the many different cultures he was dipping into, as a way of simply describing WHICH AP I was talking about, he told me I was prejudiced against other races. Um, no. Just women who screw my husband behind my back!
My stupid ex said this to the kids the last time he saw them 15 MONTHS AGO!!! He is so unplugged from their lives and could only talk about himself, “You’re going to have to face it she’s part of my life. You guys would really like her, her and I are a lot like you and Natalie, Hayden!” (What the moron didn’t know was that my son’s gf just dumped him a week prior, waking him in the middle of the night to do so) My son says back to him, “Oh yeah, does your gf wake you up in the middle of the night to break up with you?” Of course their father looks like a complete ass for not knowing what’s going on in his own kids’ lives and trying to sell them on his affair partner. No sir, they don’t ever have to like her, has nothing to do with respecting their father, but everything to do with respecting themselves and sticking to their core values and morals. Accepting her is accepting the affair and that doesn’t ever have to happen if they don’t want it to. Doesn’t matter anyway, my ex refuses to speak to his own kids.
Kind of like shit and chocolate are both brown.
BWAHAHAHA!
What can I say? Almost speechless.
Do all these cheaters sing from the same crappy hymnsheet ??!
My (ex)H said to me after DD, “It’s a shame you couldn’t have met X under different circumstances, I am sure you would have got on you are so alike” !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You what ?? What did I have in common with some slutty thick-piece tramp who was sleeping in our bed (unbeknown to me) when I wasn’t there.?
Oh my goodness, these guys are really operating in some parallel universe!
So beam me up Scottie, out of this mishmash !!
“He told me that comment was inappropriate.”
I guess your son is getting himself ready for a career in PR.
Anything can be called “inappropriate.” Inappropriate to whom? exactly.
I heard that one as well. Do these cheaters ever have an original thought? Cause I’ve yet to see or hear one…
Okay, gather ’round kids…. here’s one for all you ex-wives of whore fuckers:
After D-Day and during wreconciliation, my whore fucker and I were attending these sex addiction couples group meetings every Tuesday. Part of the SA/S-Sanon 12 step program, we’d all sit in a big circle and talk, very gently, about how the asshole sitting next to us nuked our world and then the assholes would talk about how they are “working the program” so as not to “act out” again. (read: “If I come to these meetings will you please cut me some addiction-entitled slack if I fuck more whores?”) But I digress:
After each meeting, we’d all go out to dinner together like happy members of some kind of “our spouses like to fuck everything in site, but let’s all share a giant plate of french fries! yay!” PTA group.
During one of these dinners, I walked up while one of the other whore fuckers was speaking to my whore fucker. I heard him saying “Yeah, the I know the girls are really hot and young, but the truth is, they’re not worth losing our wives. Our wives are what’s important.” Yeah, he was saying that to my husband, and didn’t stop talking when I was clearly standing there hearing this shit…. about how young and hot and tempting and sexy PROSTITUTES are. And then, some backhanded “compliment “(??) to me because I’m even more important than a hot, sexy young cumdumpster. And my whore fucker was actually NODDING in agreement!!
I didn’t manage to keep my composure and abide by the 12-step guidelines. I lost it. “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU AGREEING TO? THAT YOUR WHORES ARE YOUNG AND HOT? FUCK, FUCK, FUCK THEM AND FUCK YOU AND THEY’RE LIKE COCKROACHES UNDER MY FEET THAT ARE TOO FUCKING NASTY FOR ME TO EVEN STEP ON AND SQUISH IN MY CHEAPEST, SHITTIEST SHOES!!!!”
And my whore fucker told me to quiet down.
We didn’t attend another gathering.
Have I mentioned how glad I am that I divorced that piece of shit?
Yes, but they were hot, young PAID cumdumpsters. I’d say all us wives had so much in common with these whores and would love to be friends with them, too!
That doesn’t sounds like an addition – that just sounds like guys with entitlement, lack of any empathy, and doing whatever pleases them with no regard to the impact on others.
Wholeheartedly agree, Buddy. After 2 years of independent research, I personally don’t believe in “sex addiction.” I believe it’s exactly what you said: guys (or girls too, I guess) with entitlement, lack of any empathy, and doing whatever pleases them with no regard to the impact on others.
Oh S-Anon. How I don’t miss that group. Being told having a basic expectation of not getting fucked around on is “controlling.” And that “we have to deal with our own issues and let the Sparkly Addict deal with theirs.”
Except….. The Sparkly Addict doesn’t want to stop fucking around. But that’s “their problem?” No fucking way. He made it my fucking problem. And having a pretty clear expectation of “I don’t want to be a STD dumping ground” was not “controlling” or “lacking in empathy” for my “poor, afflicted partner.”
It was like being chumped all over again. The only thing I got out of it was seeing women with 20+ more years of marriage pick-me dancing harder than ever and trying to hold themselves back from years every week. I just thought “fuck that. That’s not going to be me in 20 years. I’m not ‘co-dependently’ brushing this shit under the carpet and I’d rather be ‘controlling’ than broken down and shit on for the next 20.”
We aren’t divorced. But sure as shit if I find one fart going in the wrong direction ever again, he might as well just keep a suitcase packed. I ran out of patience a long time ago and kicked him out until he attended treatment and broke right down etc.
S-Anon be damned. I, and everyone else deserves more respect than that shit sandwich. Who do they think they are calling me ‘co-dependently’ because my HUSBAND was a fucktard? “Wife of a Fucktard” isn’t in the DSM-IV or V.
OMG GiveTmeTime I love your outburst! I have only shouted in private or in the car to him. Sometimes I want to shout out in front of everyone about how he fucked my friend and recite some of the sappy messages they exchanged. But I don’t want to hurt the kids so I feel stuck. But good for you!!!
Yep, And as an ironic note, the affair partner was indeed named Mindy!
Everyone, this sounds like another example of how very alike cheaters are. What the hell is WrOnG with them?! Maybe they’re all robots, pre-programmed to run exactly the same crummy scripts, to have the same cognitive dissonance malfunctions, and say the same weird things. It’s eerie, folks.
I was told that my ex’s AP thought I was ‘cool’. Well gosh I was touched. How wonderful to be held up as a paragon of coolness by someone like that.
“I was told that my ex’s AP thought I was ‘cool’. Well gosh I was touched. How wonderful to be held up as a paragon of coolness by someone like that.”
Lol! Love it.
My Ex’s AP complained that I obviously didn’t want her there when I got home from work late one night and she was hanging around my house… and I just went straight to OUR bedroom. And Ex had the gaul to suggest I could be more friendly. I did have the guts to say “that’s not going to happen”.
At least it stopped her from coming over. In hindsight I wish I had just called the cops and said there was someone trespassing in my house.
I have to say my ex cheater said nothing about her could even stack up to me and compared in everyway imaginable to how I “came out on top”.
Together 23 years, two businesses, house, nice car, great life, savings ( all of it gone now) This 27 year old lived with mom with two children by two men never married, never had car, never had job… But she had long brown hair, funny feet and was great in bed and made him come alive. YUP he got all this out to me in like 30 seconds. She was fun. She was naturally pretty… didn’t need make up or spend anytime doing her hair.
But, I did come out on top when compared!!! Then all the other AP’s started to surface and boy DID I SIT ON A LARGE STACK, BUT I WAS ON TOP!!!!!!
Yep, I was also offered this wonderful option! He tried like hell to get me to accept her, and really wanted her to ‘sleep’ with us one night. Too sad for him, I told him to fuck off. I know what I want from life, even though I was confused by his last blatant cheating (out of a lifetime of it, but I didn’t realize), I knew I didn’t want to roll around in bed with HER. I hate people like her, superficial Phonies, who act all New-Agey while they stab everyone in the back!
One good thing that’s come frome this, is being able to define, and keep, my set of morals!
I have long wondered about this. The justification that must go on in their minds is amazing…sort of like those people that believe that if you order salad and fries — then the salad cancels out the calories from the fries.
With my EX it was part of his mindfuckery and gaslighting campaign. In retrospect, it is obviously a way to DEFLECT from the real issues.
My regret was not meeting OW#1 when given the opportunity when they were ‘just friends’. Perhaps it would have changed things. Fast forward to OW#2 – also ‘just friends’ – being a regular guest at dinner parties, etc.
“This is a marriage commitment, not the Hunger Games.” Mmmm, I can just picture it. Florence, trapped in the Arena with me, a bow and a magically refilling quiver of arrows ;O
Asshat desperately wanted me to meet Florence and be friends with her. Funny he never noticed she avoided me like the plague and months after he first started gushing about her, she made herself scarce when I would go to the clinic. She was moved to another location and ended up being Little Elf’s nurse (if indeed she truly is one). The awesome pop star genius never introduced herself. Pretty rude considering I had not long before that GIVEN HER A G-D THANK YOU PRESENT (that Asshat forced me to buy) for taking care of his dying ass. Whatever. Maybe she was offended I got her a food treat when he had told me he suspected she had an eating disorder. She still has no friends in town after over two years, other than Asshat. LOL.
He sure was shocked when I got to turn it around on him. “Let me tell you all about Florence and her multiple crimes….”
Some insight:
When my parents divorced because my dad cheated. I ended up living with him, I was 14 years old. He was never around when I was a child and now I had his attention.
Many years later, I am now the one who was cheated on and feel horrible about how I treated my mom. I know now that my mom handled it the best she could. She did say mean things about him and that it was drove me a way.
I luckily have learned and say very little if nothing to my children about their father. If they say something to me, I know it is just his words coming out of them. I still say nothing other than this: One day you might get married and when you do I hope your spouse cherishes you for the rest of your life. This usually stops them in their tracks.
Now what I really want to say is all the stuff my mom said to me. However, it didn’t do anything but fuel the fire for more.
This 2–it’s a thorny issue, I agree. However, I opt for telling kids the truth. No need to embellish or rant in front of them, but they deserve to know how/why their family split up. Some kids will ask more questions, some will not want to hear any more information at all.
If your mother was angry without telling you why she despised your father, I imagine that was a major mindfuck for you. If the story was known, but you opted for your father, it’s quite common for children to gravitate toward an abusive or absent parent in hopes of getting what they need.
Exactly! We are so lucky to have been The Chosen Ones and, yes, we are interchangeable!!
When my ex announced to me that he was engaged (we have kids together) he said she was really nice and had a good job and was ‘normal’ (like me)… That I would like her! I asked him if she was one of his old “friends” — he said no, that he had met her AFTER our split. Knowing his habit of lying to me, I took that tidbit of info with a grain of salt. I don’t know when or how he met her and I actually didn’t care.
I commented that he certainly didn’t waste any time finding a replacement for me. His response: “Well, you know me. I couldn’t be alone for long.” Yes, my friends, my ex verified out loud to my face that we ARE merely appliances. There to serve and make their lives comfortable. (Of course, it was my fault that I couldn’t forgive his serial cheating. I wanted a divorce, therefore, the man-baby had to immediately find someone else to take care of him.)
I had the “pleasure” of meeting Ms Wonderful on several occasions during and after our divorce because he brought her to EVERY school event that our kids were involved in. She was always nervous to be around me even though I was civil. (I thought she was an idiot to be with him, but didn’t have a beef with her.) She even started wearing her hair like me and would dress like I did when I first met my ex in college. It was weird. He used to tell me he liked it when I wore certain things — I know he was telling her the same. But my style evolved from the 80s… Plus some outfits just aren’t appropriate for school functions.
At my son’s high school graduation she was newly married to my ex and admitted to me that she was afraid he would want to get back together with me if I ever said I wanted him back. I told her straight up that he was ALL hers — no way in hell would I ever want him back. She didn’t ask me what happened in our marriage to elicit such a response, but THANKED me for easing her mind and said she hoped we could be friends! I told her that her decision to marry HIM kinda ruined the “we can be friends” scenario.
At my son’s college graduation she tried the whole “let’s all be friends” thing again. Wanted me to go to the luncheon they were having after the ceremony. Also said we should plan a girls weekend with me and my ex-sisters-in-law at my place because my ex SILs always say such nice things about me and FL is a great vacation spot!! (Ain’t gonna happen.) When I politely declined, I got lectured about how I needed to let go of the past and I should be friendly with them for the sake of our kids. I just smiled — she only has his side of “the past” and I’m pretty sure her future with him will not be rosy.
O&O, I will secretly hope her future (lawn) will be sprinkled with adult toys ;O
LOL!! Thank you, CE… I would have gladly filled her in on what she was getting herself into IF she had only asked me. However, she thinks she landed a real catch. I’m sure he has filled her head with BS just like he did with me. I’m just glad I got out and will not be around when he loses his health… Someone else can wipe his ass and change his adult diapers!!
She’ll catch on eventually.
I think all chumps should carry tasers specifically for people who tell us to “get over it.” Two taser shots if they add “for the sake of the children.”
Thank you! Love it how you put my sentiments into words, sometimes I feel I might be harsh, unforgiving or petty. Especially since so many people echo the ‘get over it’ mantra. I don’t write here often. But love reading I’m not the only one.
Hey, DutchChump, great to see you back commenting!
No one, not even a therapist, has the right to tell someone how long they are allowed to be angry at grave injustice. Unless a person is acting out that anger by turfing old men out of the “elderly” seats on the bus, their emotions after infidelity are valid, and not on a time line.
Yes! I think that the judge should be mandated to made the cheater pay for the chump’s taser. This way every time there is an excuse, a comparison, a request for kibble, Zap! They get it too.
“Two taser shots if they add “for the sake of the children.”….HAW HAW HAWWWWW..rolling on the floor howling….HAW HAW
TeeHee…. That’s funny 🙂
This 2: My Dad tells me that the reason for my parent’s divorce (when I was 9) is because my Mom was cheating. My Mom passed over 10 years ago and I’ll never know the truth, nor do I want to. Even though I’m a victim of infidelity, and am always glad to speak with other people who have survived what I’m going through, I just don’t want to hear anything about what my Mom may have done. I loved her with all my heart and don’t have any desire to have her memory scared in my brain in any way, especially now that she’s gone. So yes, from my perspective, I think your decision to not discuss details with your children is a good one.
GTT, I’m sorry your dad waited to tell you something like that until after your mother had passed. It’s a conversation that should have happened before your own experience with infidelity. I can understand how it would scar your memories of her since you had a close relationship with her. Perhaps your dad was only trying to let you know that he understands what you are going through. It seems rather pointless for him to have brought it up otherwise. I don’t blame you one bit for not wanting to hear details. I don’t think our kids, no matter how old they are, need to know the gory details but they need to know a simple explanation of the truth about why their parents are splitting up. (((Hugs to you)))
Had to share:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/science/2016/04/27/women-who-are-cheated-on-win-in-long-term-while-other-woman-lose/
“Women who lose their partner to a love-rival are better off in the long term, the biggest ever study of break-ups has found.
Although being cheated on might initially seem devastating, in fact, it leaves the victim with a ‘higher mating intelligence’ which helps her to choose a more faithful partner in the future.
In contrast, the ‘other woman’ ends up with a partner with a track record of being deceptive and a cheat, meaning that she is the long-term loser, according to psychologists.
“
A baboon would be a better and more faithful partner. Just saying.
My rescue dog with aggression issues who still craps on the rug is a better and more faithful partner.
Thank you for sharing that, Finally Awake. I hope it is true. I also heard how the OW and I would be friends, how she is ‘such a loving person’ and that he finally left because he missed her ‘so much’. I told him I would never have sex with a married man and destroy someone else’s family. He couldn’t even think of one thing bad to say about her because she’s wonderful!!! So I hope she is as miserable with him as I was! And I hope he breaks her heart, lies to her (which I am sure he has already done because he is a pathological liar), and makes her feel like an invisible nothing pos like he did to me.
Great post! Yup, the OW is getting a loser on all counts. They can have the cheater, who has low morals and non existent values. And I like the term “higher mating intelligence”! I learn something new every day on this site.