Need some tunes to get you through?
Hey, I just discovered something quite cool. I can share a playlist on Spotify here. I will refine this over time, but here’s all the music that helped me survive this mess (well, that Spotify has rights to share, I had to leave some off). You can listen to the entire playlist, and share your own (although I haven’t quite figured that out for comments, you have to embed HTML code).
Anywho, as you can see I have some eclectic taste that weighs heavily toward classic soul and R&B.
My suggested listening fav’s for infidelity would be. (That I can figure out how to add, I’m still working out the glitches here… argh.)
1. Aretha. Anything Aretha.
2. Solomon Burke “You Can Make It If You Try.”
3. Bobby Blue Bland “That Did It” (if you need any help finding your anger — “I found your man wearing my brand news shoes/Oh that did it, babe.”)
4. David Bromberg — “Will Not Be Your Fool” — wait for the end. Memorize it and scream along.
5. Dayna Kurtz — “Not the Only Fool in Town.”
I have a lot of favorites, and would love to hear yours. Enjoy!
“Rearviewmirror” by Pearl Jam
“Someone I used to know” by Goyte
“Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over. But had me believing it was always something that I’d done. But I don’t want to live that way, reading into every word you say…”
Phil Collins – “I Don’t Care Anymore”
Perfect anthem for “meh” with a kick.
Dealing with my cheating BITCH STBX, and ongoing divorce:
NOW YOU’RE MESSIN WITH A SON-OF-A-BITCH… Compliments of Nazareth’s “Hair of the dog.”
YES to Phil Collins! Perhaps “In the Air Tonight” as a complement? 😉
Oh dear, I am a closet Nazereth fan and once had the pleasure of seeing them live. *hangs head in shame*
“Goodbye Horses” by Q Lazzarus; “Meh”, with a Hindu twist.
Goodbye Horses is one of my favorite songs ever! I read that it is about overcoming the 5 senses (those are the horses) and living a life completely detached from all things.
That’s a bit too meh for me, personally. But it just is so great a song from one of the creepiest movie scenes EVER.
FYI — Airborne Toxic Event has a good cover version of it.
“FYI — Airborne Toxic Event has a good cover version of it.”
Listened to the live version on YouTube; nice, I liked it!
It really is some kind of crazy synchronicity that you brought up Goodbye Horses! This song was tremendously signficant to me for a couple of reasons, but the main one was during the period when I was seriously working on breaking down ego and working towards self awareness, I really did get so involved in the meaning behind this song. It gave me so much strength.
It was during a time when I was really breaking free from all the things that tie people to their ego (and therefore external validation). I loved the lyrics, I always imagined it a conversation between the self and the ego (which, obviously, I was totally projecting, but it worked for me). So, the self is saying, very pragmatically: “I see the rise, but it always falls…All things pass into the night…” and the ego resists and says: “Oh no sir…I must say you’re wrong…” But the transcendent part — the “goodbye horses — I’m flying over you..” is the self winning out. Because truly the ego wants us to think that all things do NOT pass into the night, that things should be static and unchanging, that people, and people’s good (or bad) opinion of us actually make a difference in who we are as individuals, when honestly, none of it does. Not really.
We’re still good and valuable people even if someone rejects us or betrays us or we betray ourselves. Ego wants us to believe in unchanging 4-ever and ever and tricks us into believing that we can actually control things so that they don’t change, and when that is taken away, we feel as if our “souls have been ripped out” (which is obviously nonsensical hyperbole at it’s finest). Ego ties us to the whims of others. Selfhood allows us to enjoy things while they are good and let go when it turns bad, all along being confident in ourselves to sustain ourselves.
The fact that this song came back to me from the universe at this point in time was fortuitous. It reminded me to refocus my attention where it needs to be. It reminds me to just let go. Enjoy the now, deal with things when they aren’t good, and know that all things will pass into the night but will rise again (and then fall… and rise… haha).
Oh boy… me waxing lyrical. Hahaha. Sorry about that!
FANTASTIC song. Thanks for reminding me of this, Jay!!
Very welcome, and very nice explanation and interpretation Kristina; seems we are of a kindred spirit.
Cool, thanks for the recommend… Along a similar vein of SOTL creepy, search You tube for:
Greenskeepers – Lotion
Maybe you have heard it; Love it!!!!
“Sleep To Dream” – Fiona Apple
Really good to get angry, and every word just perfect.
Here are my favorite lines:
“You say love is a Hell you cannot bear, I say give me mine back and go there for all I care!”
“I’ve got my feet on the ground and I don’t go to sleep to dream. You’ve got your head in the clouds, you’re not at all what you seem!”
“This mind, this body, and this voice cannot be stifled by your deviant ways. So don’t forget what I told ya, don’t come around, I got my own Hell to raise!”
“Take all the sorrow you gave and all the stakes you claimed – AND DON’T FORGET THE BLAME!”
This is very aggravating — things in my “approved list” seem to not be transferring over. Grr. Well, enjoy what’s up there, suggest your own and I’ll figure this out in time.
Don Henley. Heart of the matter. Yep chumps its about forgiveness but to yourself
Better man. Pearl jam
Lost for words pink flood. ‘ and I ask my energies can we wipe the slate clean , and tell me to please go fuck myself, you sometimes you just can’t win.
Pink Floyd again- ‘ and if the band you’re in starts playing different tunes ill see you on the dark side of the moon’
Monty Python – Always look on the bright side of life- Life is just a shit when you look at it’
LOL! The second Pink Floyd song you cited is called “Brain Damage.”
Sums up most cheaters, I would say! :-p
Actually, it’s called drian bamage.. which is even more perfect, in it’s own way.
Lol
Henley’s “Heart of the Matter” has been one of my daily listens for quite a while …
Heart of the matter is on there — check out India.Arie’s version — I think it’s the best!
That should be enemies
Let it be. The Beatles
We are never getting back together
Love so right The Bee Gees.
But the in morning when I woke up i was here and she was gone
How a love so right can turn out to be so wrong.
I thought she came forever but she came to break my heart
Where are the fucking tissues!!!!
“Mr. Know It All” by Kelly Clarkson
This is great for regarding any arrogant assholes in your life!
“Stronger” is a great one too!
Got that one on there. Power pop anthems… guilty pleasure.
Walking on broken glass. Annie Lennox
Since you abandoned me my whole world has crashed.
I’m living in an empty room with all the windows smashed.
Does my ring burn your finger Lee Ann Womack
Love the name!
Would I lie to you. The eurythmics
Let’s see if David Bromberg works as a link..
Okay, everyone check this one out!
Good ones: “He Wasn’t Man Enough” -Toni Braxton
“It’s Not Right”-Whitney Houston
Dance to a little JT: “What Goes Around” and “Cry Me A River”-
Justin Timberlake
Country fans: “Cheatin”-
Sara Evans
Jay, love that Phil Collins tune!!!!
Genesis.
Invisible Touch.
She grabs hold of your heart and slowly tears it aart
And though she will FUCK up your life
You love her just the same
( Phil actually sang this live in Europe).
Adele and Amy Winehouse did entire albums that could be on the list.
Whose been sleeping in my bed- Glen Frey
“Sail On”-Lionel Richie
“Since You’ve Been Gone”-Kelly Clarkson
Bobby Bland’s “That Did It!”
Can anyone help me out — does this link work for you? It’s weird, some come through, others do not.
CL – All I can see is blank blue space. Do we need to sign up with spotify to hear the first list?
You do have to download Spotify to listen, but it’s free and not terribly obnoxious. http://www.spotify.com
Not playing for me, I get Shazam…been desperately been needing to know the names of songs lately (wonder why?). I also love Someone I used to know” by Goyte, and Gloria Gaynor – I Will Survive! What can I say, I was a disco girl, danced my ASS off to that one (also hangs head in shame)
http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=Faf1ch7Q9XE&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DFaf1ch7Q9XE
ooohh! One the recent songs from Pink – Blow Me (One Last Kiss) has definitely been on heavy rotation for me. Found a few lyrics:
I think I’ve finally had enough – I think I maybe think too much
I think this might be it for us (blow me one last kiss)
you think I’m just too serious – I think you’re full of shit
I will do what I please, anything that I want
I will breathe, I won’t breathe, I won’t worry at all
You will pay for your sins, you’ll be sorry my dear
All the lies, all the wise, will be crystal clear
Now that I have a 14-year old daughter,
I find myself listening more to pop music again (after _____years LOL.)
The new tune by FUN has become my theme song.
“Carry On.”
My teenager would die of mortification if I listened to the same music he does. Maybe girls are different!
It’s one of the few things we can bond over (since, as you may know, parents are stupid and embarrassing at this time.) We listen in the car. I’m not cranking the tunes in the house – I leave that to here. LOL
Or to “her”, rather – not “here.”
“Lost Cause” and “It’s All In Your Mind” by Beck
I think I read somewhere the entire Sea Change album is about his relationship with a severely narcissistic person. If he wasn’t he sure knows how to write as if he had been!
F you by Celo Green
Landslide by Stevie Nicks
Also Amy Winehouse ” what kind of fuckery are we? These days you don’t mean dick to me…”
OK, from a guys perspective:
45- Shinedown. Some think it’s about an abortion but I find that to be a reach. Brent Smith of Shinedown said it’s about hope.
What ever happened to the young man’s heart
Swallowed by pain, as he slowly fell apart
And I’m staring down the barrel of a 45,
I’m swimming through the ashes of another life
There’s no real reason to accept the way things have changed
Staring down the barrel of a 45
The 45 is supposed to be a metaphor for the world but those of us who are here know otherwise.
Drops of Jupiter -Train. I’m not a big Train fan and this song is about losing his mom but it fits for those of us who are dealing a cheater and thier fantacy land bullshit.
Simple Man – Lynard Skynard and Shinedown versions.
Comfortably Numb – Pink Floyd. No explanation there.
Ohhh! “Simple Man” by Lynard Skynard is awesome. One of my all-time faves!
I’m not even a country music fan, but Carrie Underwood’s “Before He Cheats” is perfect.
I would love to be that badass about it.
Train in Vain by The Clash
No break-up list is complete without “Love Bites” by Def Leppard 🙂
I also really liked listening to “More than This” by Roxy Music, but I would not call it super empowering… it’s a bittersweet song that mostly turned me into a weepy mess early on after I kicked him out.
“Nothing That You Are” by Mandy Moore (this is newer stuff, not crap bubblegum pop). Pretty much about catching and leaving a cheater… got me through some dark nights.
Anything from Alanis Morissette’s Jagged Little Pill is also pretty good for the angry moments.
Oh, I got this…
Miss you being gone – The Band Perry
Wide Awake – Katy Perry
Back to Black – Amy Winehouse
The Chokin’Kind – Joss Stone
Don’t Call Me Baby – Madison Avenue
Every Word – Sade
Far Behind – Candlebox
Let it Flow – Toni Braxton
I Knew You Were Trouble – Taylor Swift
I Used to Love Him – Lauren Hill
Jar of Hearts – Christina Perri
Love Shoulda Brought You Home – Toni Braxton
Mercy – Duffy
My Immortal – Evanescence
Not Falling Apart – Maroon 5
Put the Gun Down – ZZ Ward (kind of a OW song, but I freaking love this whole album)
Run Right Back – The Black Keys
Titanium – David Guetta & Sia
Torn – Natalie Imbrulia
Turning Tables – Adele
Unfoolish Remix – Ashanti
Wake Up Alone – Amy Winehouse
We Need a Resolution – Aaliyah
Who the Hell Are You – Madison Avenue
Chris Issacs-Somebodies Lying
I also like that song that has the line “are you strong enough to be my manetc”
Perfect theme song of a BPD/NPD woman.
“Strong Enough” by Sheryl Crow
“Special Ones” by the band George.
Not specifically about cheating, but she describes so poetically and powerfully, escaping from an abusive relationship with a total mindfuck narcissist.
I listened to this song every day for a year after Dday.
My list tends towards the ‘get pissed off and stay strong’
Girl with One Eye – Florence and the Machine
Taking Back My Life – Kim Caldwell
I Will Surive You – BC Jean
I Will Survive – Gloria Gaynor
Love Lies Bleeding – Elton John
Quicksilver – Cruxshadows
Rolling in the Deep – Adele
Shake It Out – Florence and the Machine
I LOVE that Elton John song! I used to listen to “Goodbye Yellow Brick Road” album until I wore out the grooves.
“I Can’t Stand Still” by Don Henley (for anybody who’s ever had to see their ex and the OW/OM together)
“Hit ‘Em Up Style” by Blu Cantrell (for vengeful chumps who went crazy with their cheating spouses’ credit cards)
“Run Run Run” by Concrete Blonde (a song about BPDs and their need for chaos/ego kibbles)
“Policy of Truth” (about lying cheaters)
“In My Darkest Hour” by Megadeth (about heartless ex’s)
“Would I Lie To You” by Eurythmics (one of the ultimate self-empowering songs for chumps)
“Gold Dust Woman” by Fleetwood Mac (everybody thinks it’s about doing coke…Stevie Nicks herself has said it’s about a girl pulling herself out of a bad relationship)
“Jesus To A Child” by George Michael (George wrote it about his ex who died of AIDS…but it’s a great song for chumps who want a good cry over their lost love).
“Thief of Hearts” by Madonna (if you’ve ever had your man stolen by a girl who thinks her shit doesn’t stink…LISTEN TO THIS SONG!)
“Sin” by Nine Inch Nails (an aggressive break-up song about heartless ex’s if there ever was one..)
“King of Sorrow” by Sade (for chumps who were chumped but still cry over the love that was lost…this is your song. Sade really nails it).
“You Lost Me” by Christina Aguilera (a gorgeous little ballad about cheaters/abusers)
“Karma” by Alicia Keys (I swear to God Alicia was spying on me…cause this is song is me and my cheating ex to a T! Got a fickle cheater in your life? Listen to this one!)
I think this is good for starters! 🙂
I totally forgot about the Blu Cantrell song. Love that one. If only my cheater had a credit card that wasn’t maxed out… And you are right about the Sade song. She does nail it. I love her albums, but can’t listen to them yet because some many songs are schmoopy… But this one and her song Every Word are perfect.
Seriously… written about a cheater.
Hope it felt good… Nikka Costa
Nothing…………….. Nikka Costa
So have I for you…Nikka Costa
“I have justified every wave in our ocean…”
Think she’s been there?
And my anthem for a very long time:
I don’t ever give up…. Patty Griffin
I got to say for me, its
Time For Me To Fly – Reo Speedwagon
You said we’d work it out
You said that you had no doubt that deep down we were really in love
Oh, but I’m tired of holding on to a feeling I know is gone
I do believe that I’ve had enough
I’ve had enough of the falseness of a worn out relation
Enough of the jealousy and the intoleration
Oh, I make you laugh and you make me cry
I believe it’s time for me to fly
I just added a lengthy list of songs from my playlist entitled “do the right thing” to remind myself that leaving IS THE RIGHT THING!!
Time For Me to Fly is a great one. On my list for sure!! 🙂
Yes!! Great tune!
Again, CL, I thank you/salute you for your innovations to what we call therapy. Before therapy (which I am in no way opposed to) there was common sense. Both can work well together. You used Brute Force Poetry/Haikus, and how you are hitting other senses. Music is a great mood mover. There are other mood movers out there — like drinking — that ultimately leave us down and debilitated. I think that good, empowering pop music to exercise could be just the endorphin-releasing thing (as well as have good effects on health) that could help heal chumps and turn chumps into champs.
Excellent, CL. For the nerdier among us, history works, too. Narcissists came in the form of folks like Khadafy and Nero. But there were anti-narcissists, like Frederick Douglass, who are also worth studying. I recommending reading his autobiography, which you can get on the Internet for free if you just Google his name. After all, what system could produce more narcissism than slavery?
Rock on, CL. Well done! Yet again!
Yes, David, re music! … and Frederick Douglass — I’ve just begun to learn of him. Beautiful, stalwart soul.
The music … my list of songs grows and grows from reading the comments …
How about JLo, “Let’s get Loud.” Not romantically themed, but a mood mover for sure! And good for excerise.
I like Corduroy by Pearl Jam. He wrote it, I guess, about his relationship with fame (Saints preserve us from the earnest grunge stars of the 90s and their false antipathy towards fame!!), but for me, it really is a great break up song.
The waiting drove me mad
You’re finally here and I’m a mess
I take your entrance back
Can’t let you roam inside my head
I don’t want to take what you can give
I would rather starve than eat your bread
I would rather run but I can’t walk
Guess I’ll lie alone just like before
I’ll take the Varmints path
Oh, and I must refuse your test
Push me and I will resist
This behavior’s not unique
I don’t want to hear from those who know
They can buy, but can’t put on my clothes
I don’t want to limp for them to walk
Never would have known of me before
I don’t want to be held in your debt
I’ll pay it off in blood, let I be wed
I’m already cut up and half-dead
I’ll end up alone like I began
Everything has chains
Absolutely nothing’s changed
Take my hand, not my picture, spilled my tincture…
I don’t want to take what you can give
I would rather starve than eat your bread
All the things that others want for me
Can’t buy what I want because it’s free
Can’t buy what I want because it’s free
Can’t be what you want because I’m…
Ain’t supposed to be just one
Oh, to live and die, let it be done
I figure I’ll be damned, all alone like I began
It’s your move now
I thought you were a friend
But I guess I… I guess I hate you…
Countless songs, depending on the moment and memory (I’m coming up on three years post-break) … Here are a few …
* Moby: “Why Does My Heart Feel So Bad?” (That, basically, is the entire lyric. Perfect for chest-clutching ‘Am I having a heart attack?!’ moments.)
* Bruce Springsteen: “The Wrestler” (Pure wreckage…pure Bruce.)
* Paul Simon: “Love & Hard Times” (Exquisite. “It’s easy to be generous when you’re owed / It’s hard to be grateful / when you’re out of control / and love is gone … The light at the edge of the curtain / is the quiet dawn …”)
* Sting: “If I Ever Lose My Faith In You” (I’m singing this one to *myself* 🙂 )
* Harry Manx and Kevin Breit: “Unmoved By Love” (“…but hope has gone missing / You’re unmoved by love … Know that you complete me / but you’re unmoved by love …” ~ Mournful; gorgeous. One voice and a few guitars.)
* Gordon Lightfoot: “If You Could Read My Mind” (Like “The Wrestler”, a song that speaks to me of the breakage in my ex)
* Al Green: “How Can You Mend A Broken Heart” (just because…Al Green.)
*Alanis Morissette: “Torch” (“… I miss your take / on anything / and the music you would play / Miss cracking up / miss wrestling / miss our debriefs at end of day … I never dreamed / I would have to lay down / my torch for you / like this …”)
* Sting: “Why Should I Cry For You?” (Heh.)
* Elton John: “Goodbye” (A gem at the end of the album Madman Across The Water … “I’m sorry I took your time / I am the poem that doesn’t rhyme / Just turn back a page / I’ll waste away … I’ll waste away …” ~ Listened to this a lot early on.)
* The Eagles: “Desperado” (CLASSIC…perennial fave)
* Mary Chapin Carpenter: “Iceland” (“Last night I dreamed of icy cliffs / Standing on the precipice / I leaned to see just where the edge would take me …” ~ I clung to this song during the first months…)
* Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young: “Carry On” (YEAH!! “… I knew I would see the dawn / … Knew I woud carry on …”)
* Sheryl Crow: “A Change Would Do You Good” (Really into excellent rock anthems like this right now!)
Narcissus” — by Alanis Morissette
Some lyrics
Dear egotist boy you’ve never really had to suffer any consequence
You’ve never stayed with anyone longer than ten minutes
You’d never understand anyone showing resistance
Dear popular boy I know you’re used to getting everything so easily
A stranger to the concept of reciprocity
People honor boys like you in this society
And any talk of selflessness
And any talk of working at this
And any talk of being of service
Leaves you running for the door
Right out of my Rhapsody “fuck the cake-eaters” playlist, my favorites:
Peter Gabriel, “More than this”
Alanis Morissette, “Thank you”, “Not As We”
Deadmau5, “I Remember”
Gloria Gaynor, “Let Me Know (I Have a Right)”
Sinead O’Connor, “Last Day of Our Acquaintance”
C Lo Green, “Fuck You”
Annie Lennox “No More ‘I Love You’s”
And for those who like their catharsis bilingual:
Ana Torroja, “Ya No Te Quiero”, “Te He Querido Tanto”, “Partir”
La Ley, “Mentira”, “Al Final”
Shakira, “No”
Alejandra Guzmán, “No Voy a Esperar”, “Ahogada en Tu Tristeza”, “Algo Que No Está”
Bebe, “Tu Silencio”, “Siempre Me Quedará”, “Razones (a Capella)”
Miguel Bosé, “Hay?”, “Dame Argumentos”, “No Hay Ni Un Corazón Que Valga la Pena”
Defying Gravity from Wicked. (I listen to it as if I’m BOTH of the witches, lol)
“Well if that’s love, it comes at much to great a cost”
“And if I’m flying solo, at least I’m flying free. To those who try to ground me, take a message back
from me.”
Time for me to Fly, REO Speedwagon “I make you laugh and you make me cry, I believe it’s time for me to fly”
Teach Your Children, Crosby Stills & Nash- must have a code that you can live by.
Suite: Judy Blue Eyes, CSN- It’s getting to the point where I’m no fun anymore
Few and Far Between, 10,000 Maniacs- Drop that heavy baggage your dragging behind
Never Going Back Again, Fleetwood Mac- Been down one time, been down two times (I was thinking of this line the SECOND time I filed for divorce. Never gonna file again, so I better follow through!)
Calling All Angels, Train- provides hope that there are still good people out there trying to do the right thing!!!
This Is It, Kenny Loggins
Love Will Find a Way, Pablo Cruise
Stuck in a Moment, U2- You can’t get enough of what you don’t really need.
Don’t Think Twice, It’s Alright- Peter, Paul and Mary- You just sort of wasted my precious time, but don’t think twice, it’s alright
Every Picture Tells a Story, Rod Stweart- There’s No Time For Feeling Inferior
It Ain’t Me Babe, Johnny Cash
King of Anything, Sara Barielles
Fighter, Christina Aguilera
AND OF COURSE, I WILL SURVIVE, GLORIA GAYNOR!!!