Stupid Shit Other People Say
It’s not just cheaters who say stupid shit. Other people are horribly insensitive too! Everything from the grossly mistaken — gee, the affair partner doesn’t seem all that bad! To the dunderheaded smugness of, “I’m so glad my husband would never cheat on me.” (Bully for you.)
Chumps, being pretty nice people, are usually taken completely off guard. Did you really just say that? To help you identify Stupid Shit Other People Say in the future, I’ve broken down the SSOPS into a few categories.
1. Your Misfortune Is Very Threatening to Me. See “dunderheaded smugness” above. If a comment seems oddly competitive — “I’m so lucky that my biggest marital crisis was my husband buying a Trans Am!” — you can rest assured that this person is deeply freaked out by you. So let’s heartily avow that Bad Things could never, ever happen to them. Why did a bad thing happen to you? Well, because you brought it on yourself. And in that respect, we’re very, very different people. Unless we’re not. In which case your misfortune may be contagious, so I’m going to avoid you entirely in any case to make sure I don’t catch it.
2. You’re Doing It All Wrong. You know what you need right now? Someone yelling at you from the sidelines of your life. “You should wait 6 months before you make a decision. You didn’t wait 6 months? OMG! Everyone knows you have to wait 6 months!” Chances are this person has never experienced your particular calamity, but they are well versed in exactly how you are fucking this up. You really should thank them. No? What’s wrong with you?
3. Damning with Faint Comparisons. Let’s say you share that your wife cheated on you with 15 men she met on Craigslist. This is the person formerly-known-as-your-friend who replies, “Wow. That reminds me of like, when my car wouldn’t start. I thought it was the battery, but no, the whole alternator was bad. Cost me $700. Can you believe it?” No. No we cannot believe it.
4. Norman Vincent Unreal. “Think outside the box! Shift the paradigm! Breathe!” Are you feeling suicidal? Norman has exactly the right sunny cliche to make it all better. “Everything happens for a reason.” You can’t find a reason? “Every cloud has a silver lining!” Please God make him stop. “A smile is just a frown turned upside down!” “You’ll find someone when you least expect it!” “It’s always darkest before the dawn!”
So I’m curious — what sort of stupid shit did other people say to you? (Not including the cheater, of course, who has their own page of Stupid Shit entirely.)
This column ran previously, but the Stupid Shit lives on.
“People don’t cheat for no reason”
My former spouse had our dog minder cover for him – taking photos of our girls when I was away so he could send them to me to look like he was home (yes I know WTF). When I found out what she’d done for him I sacked her and among the many charming things she said was “he had to do something he wasn’t getting his needs met at home” – apart from being a lot of rubbish, its massively none of her business and how’s #arsehat’s form saying that in the first place
Thanks to CL, I respond to this one, “Yes, they cheat because they have poor character, lacking integrity and dignity.”
The stupid person typically gets quiet and offended, unable to grasp the all-too-reasonable conclusion I just presented them. Then they call me bitter.
Fuck them.
oh yeah – lost count of how many helpful people chimed in the ‘don’t become bitter and twisted’ like that is what I’m aiming for. Also, “there’s 2 sides to every story” was a regular as well. Yep – I had no idea marriage was in trouble because he told me it was fine – and he was telling everyone else ‘she knew for ages the marriage was in trouble and didnt want to admit it’ – oh those 2 sides of the story….
Hahahaha. I too have been met with blank stares when I have used that same response. When they say I am bitter, I reply, ” yes I am bitter and you would be too if your most trusted person wasted x years of your life, betrayed you, and then tried to take all your money to boot simply because you forgot to remind them they wanted a glass of wine at Epcot Center” (actual reason I was given for his actions)
I bought a new garbage can for our kitchen, that’s what brought our marriage to a screeching halt.
I said the kids didn’t like pizza covered in onions and peppers 10 years ago but now they like it. See? He lied about cheating and I lied about pizza, pretty much the same thing.
None of my friends are Switzerland but they do wonder why it is taking so long to line up ducks. I haven’t worked for an employer for 9 years, not many are beating down my door yet.
A new garbage can? wow!
When they reach for the bitter followup after the stunned silence I respond with “nope, I’m empowered” and then walk away.
That’s an excellent response Geode. I will file this away for the next time I get similar comments.
Oh I love that Geode! Going to use that!!
Nodancing – I bought 4 bar stools and that brought our marriage to a screeching halt, as well.
As Oprah would say, honey – you got more problems than just bar stools.
Funny how it all comes out with the simplest things.
I love this, Geode. I’m going to borrow it if I ever need it.
I’ve kicked all the narcs and cheater enablers out of my life, so I rarely hear crap anymore. But I’ll be ready if I do!
Similar to “oh your husband had an affair? You need to look at your marriage and see what you were both doing wrong”.
Of course, I made him sleep with other women and treat me like shit.
I’ve been getting “Oh, did you know something was wrong with the marriage?” Yes I knew. I didn’t know he was trying to fix it by sleeping with two women.
I got that from the marriage counselor that we went to 1 time before he decided he HAD to “see where this goes” with his slut puppy. The MC asked me if I was ready to accept my part in the affair. I said “yes – I had ZERO part in the affair. We both made mistakes in our marriage but the decision to find answers to our marital issues by sleeping with a co-worker lies entirely at the feet to the sleeper and sleepee” MC was stunned and meekly asked – “cheater, how do YOU feel about that?” And this was Before I had found Chump Nation – I would have had SO much more to say if I had known then what I know now!
Got this from my pastor! “I’ve done enough marriage council ing to know that it takes two to get this bad.”
Hell, yeah- it takes two. Him and any willing whore. Smh.
I got a few “there’s two sides to every story” – to which the response is “yes and he’s a douche in both of them”
Omg???
My ex-pastor tried his best to make me take part of the blame. Hell to the NO!
Doing more for the lying, cheating bastard was not going to fix his character problems. I tried for over 20 years to be the best wife, mother, friend that I could be. Not perfect, but I kept trying to fix what I thought was something lacking in me. I’ve come to realize that there is nothing I could have done to stop him lying and cheating. Bye bye to people who put the blame on me. I’m not carrying that burden anymore.
Yes, similar to being told by a “friend” who was aware of X’s change in attitude towards me, and verbal abuse. “Well, you two weren’t getting along.”
Really?? Your spouse chooses to cheat and is sneaking around usually has some affect on the marriage. A cheaters choice to cheat might have something to do with a couple “not getting along.” This same person was aware of X’s increasing abuse towards me before he left. A Switzerland friend and neighbor who I no longer speak to.
“It’s on the same lines as “it takes two” as someone said in an earlier post, it does takes two, the cheater and the AP. It takes one to make the choice to cheat which destroys a marriage and shatters lives.
Yes it bloody annoys me the way that people seem to think that the cheating was a consequence of a poor marriage when in fact it’s the other way round. Us gormless chumps are running around doing everything to make the marriage work often not realising that the lack of kindness, engagement, commitment and presence of one’s partner is because they are busy spending all their time fucking other people
Thank you so very much for the out loud laugh asi sit at a bar at a ski resort feeling absolutely invisible.
Same shit, different dickhead.
He cheated for YEARS and his pat excuse is “it’s a symptom of a deeper
problem.” Yeah, you shithead. You are a fucking narcissist and only do things that serve your ego. (Oh and he thinks our teenage daughter should realize he cheated on me, not her — wtf?)
Anyway, I digress, which I’m prone to so these days. It didn’t take too long to realize it wasn’t something I did or did not do. It took a lot longer to realize he would have cheated NO MATTER WHAT I DID — stay home, work part time, full time. All the while taking of the kid, the dogs, the house and the vacation cabin.
What did he do? Travel, earn mileage points. Have affair after affair after affair. He’s fucking George Clooney in Up in the Air — but he’s not. Just another middle aged man, fucking around on the road because he’s entitled.
While I have the truly exciting job of taking care of our daughter and house. The thrills of shopping and cooking and driving!! The flexibility he thinks — not!!
I am a child of divorce and swore to myself I’d never been dependent on a man. But little by little, for my daughter and the asshole of a husband, I set my career aside, only to be taken advantage of in the end. Fifteen years later, my career is gone (tech — too old, skills are outdated) while he’s at the pinnacle of his career, finally making the big bucks.
Daughter is great — straight A’s in he honors classes and ivy league bound. He has the audacity to tell me that I have been sitting on my ass for 15 years! Yes, our beautiful, confident, brilliant daughter raised herself while you were traveling and I was eating bonbons. (For the record, I remodeled a house, volunteered at school, wrote two business plans, worked part time for 3 years and took my 13yo to Europe for six months because 8th grade was going to be a real problem.
Ok, I went off on a rant of my own. But you are not alone my friend. You give your heart someone who is supposed to love and protect you — the one person in this world who is supposed to “have your back” and they betray your trust and then try to brush it off and tell you to “move on.” No — the time to move on was 12 YEARS AGO!! When I could have recovered my career and rebuilt my life.
Oh, and get this. First DDay was 4 years prior and was supposedly an “emotional affair”with a high school sweetheart (through FB of course.). He was genuinely surprised that I hadn’t had an affair. We did the obligatory MC, wheee he continued to lie. My guess is he had an affair going while we were in MC.
Anyway, after DDay2, I asked him what his plan was. He said he didn’t
have a plan. Maybe he’d have done something after daughter went to college.
No surprise, since I was OF USE, but the rat bastard had no qualms about taking another 4 years of my life.
Yeah, I’ll cheat on her all through her 30’s, 40’s and 50’s and then cut her loose.
Or maybe his dick wouldn’t work anymore by then and he’s stick around for my cooking, companionship and most importantly for the IMAGE of retiring well.
Fuckwad lives life at such a superficial level. Go forth and bore someone else.
Likewise. Together 17/years married 14 yrs and 3 Children, 2 boys 14 n 9, 5 yr old girl. Thk the Lord for them,<3 <3 <3 …my reason too b strong and live HAPPY. My 43 yr old husband whom is a deputy still breaks up with me(by word of mouth) whenever we have a planned by him disagreement….subtly mentally/emotionally abuses and controls with his stupid interrogations (my dad and boss HA!!) frustrates the Shit out of me and has manipulated me into stupid arguments and down right mental anguish in the part for years straight. So glad I know know he is And has always only been interested In power n control and never an intention of going back to the sweet heart who supposedly thought the world of me, made me feel special, over complementing me, etc., they were just grooming techniques to build HIS ego and turn on me 5 yrs into the marriage til present x. Sad stupid narcotic immature people actually exist that don't give a rat ass about who they hurt as long as they feeel big 4 a min. Cop at that, asshole, neglecting husband, has a top notch wife That looks amazing after kids get hit on ask the x and my stupid morals keep me stuck with him unloved, un appreciated and basically invisible but am beginning to accept that this asshole is never going to Change and at 37=yrs old I need to enjoy some other people I mms due x. Hate that I actually believed he really did LUV n care about me when he doesn't know how to love genuinely, needs professional help to not destroy his children's souls!!!!
^^ this ^^ “You give your heart someone who is supposed to love and protect you — the one person in this world who is supposed to “have your back” and they betray your trust and then try to brush it off and tell you to “move on.” ”
… and you wonder how you could have been duped for so long and wasted so much time on him! ?
one word – gas lighting. You are ‘duped’ for so long because they lie/tell you that you have the problem/use you for sex/’future fake’ ie talk constantly about the plans you are making for christmas-next years holiday…. endless confusion until your brain is screaming ‘wtf is going on what I am feeling doesn’t match the words”! I really dont think I could have been justified in acting on this ‘cognitive dissonance’ there was no concrete evidence. Hindsight is a different matter – that’s where you feel completely dense for letting it all play out. but as you say well rid – you believed ‘they had your back’ why would you wake up one morning and decide he was no on your side. Well that day did come; he literally turned to me and said after 25 years and 3 beautiful kids together – fantastic life – ‘maybe familiarity does breed contempt’ …just like that – then I knew what my brain was screaming at me was just under the surface for him and he had kept it in check until his dramatic / hollywood type exit. Now I have nightmares trying to replay what I should have done in circumstances where my intuition was telling me to get out. Most bizarre year of my life… so far anyway!
So true… After 3 kids sahm for a lot of it but still shoring up the finances I sacrificed a pharma job plus car to do his laundry and cook . after we decided I should cut down hours to ferry child about to finish school to help him pass important exams HE decides he’s done after 25 years and last day of school tells kids he’s off to start a new chapter of his life .!? Now the line I get is ‘ you need to get a full time job like you said you would when the kids finish school …’ No hint of irony. NPD to the end .
“He has the audacity to tell me that I have been sitting on my ass for 15 years!”
My Dickhead wrote me a letter stating “If he’d done what I did, he’d be called a Deadbeat”… and ” I could have done anything I wanted for 15 years”. While he lived and worked across the country and I raised two children, through the teen years, so fun!, sports, band, volunteered on several boards and took care of literally everything (including HIS aging parents) so when he would be home he could ‘relax’.
My goodness! How do they just think they wind up with these great kids, like it’s a lucky draw or that like you said the kids “just raise themselves”??????
I didn’t stop working when I had my boy but I did professionally stagnate because I could not put in any extra effort. Why? Because I had to raise my son while Narkles the Clown traveled the world. I don’t slack! I take that job seriously! It’s the most important thing I have to do. I mentioned multiple times that I wanted to get my Masters Degree and he would just say “then go do it” knowing full well you can’t leave a two year old at home alone when you’re at night school.
The boy has straight A’s and is a permanent fixture on the honor roll while maintaining two extra circular activities that he has excelled in. Who takes him to these activities? Who meets all the teachers? Who signs permission slips for field trips? Takes him to doctors appointments? Gets uniforms handled? Buys materials for projects? It never was Narkles the Clown and it certainly isn’t now.
Sorry to rant, you may have hit a nerve, but Lord Almighty you are not alone!
I did all the above and worked full-time while raising two great boys! But, I did not deserve half his police pension because I was not out on the streets like he was! Really? who do you think was taking care of the kids while you were out riding all the whores!
Fucktard!
Yes. My masters. I kept saying I wanted to go back to school, for it to be “my turn” since I put him through med school. First, he said we couldn’t afford it, then he told me to just “figure it out” – because arranging transportation and child care for 3 kids on the autism spectrum is that easy. When I put together child care costs, he said I had to choose: child care OR school, because we couldn’t afford both.
Giddy, you just described my life almost word for word, I sacrificed my career for his. Raised our son while he traveled the world.
He’s now making big bucks. His attitude is the same “I sat on my ass” for twenty years, I deserve nothing.
I volunteered did all the same things as you did.
I hate them.
Giddy.
Ditto. Only difference three boys and 21 year marriage.
Same here. Forty years together. Then he “found” somebody.
Ugh that’s horrible. Keep the faith though….God does not want you in these situations. My church were amazing, I was encouraged (through scripture with Matthew) to leave. They saw I had tried (Hopedum) but said only God could help him. I had to get away fast and focus on me. He was cheating and emotionally abusive and my church said no to that.
That’s so good you were supported by your church. And I agree, God doesn’t want us in these situations. My sister has told me quite a few times, “Martha, you don’t know what else God is protecting you from.” My ex is a pathological liar. Lies even about stupid stuff. Who knows what else he’s done and what has transpired behind my back all these years. It’s quite possible his hiding stuff that I need to be protected from. Only God knows. I’ve have told my ex so many times, “God has seen it all.” He has never replied back when I said that. This whole situation has challenged my faith, because I was not only lied to by my “Christian” ex. But his “Christian” mom and my ex-pastor lied to me three times. But God has been so good to me the past two years. I could go on and on about the little miracles in my life. I’m keeping my faith. 🙂
I hope you’ve left that church!
AMEN, KM.
Preach!
Ooh, and I got this one for. My now ex mother in law:
“If you hadn’t checked on her emails you may never have found out, she would have got it out of her system and you might still be together” ergo it’s your stupid fault for snooping to verify your suspicion
Matthew Webb, With that kind of reasoning from a mother, no wonder her daughter is a cheater. Horrible!
Wtf?
Getting it out of her system?? Like a flu bug? Yeah, she’s not responsible at all for her decisions and choices. It was just something she caught that was going around. The more I read here, the more I see how the Cheater’s family system helped create the cheater mindset. They are all so toxic.
Sorry you endured this shit. I’m glad you’re free of all of them.
The cheater’s family absolutely plays a role. It was discovered at the time of my FIL’s death on Thanksgiving 2014 that he’d been cheating on my MIL for decades. She was devastated. Then it was revealed that my cheater’s grandpa, FIL’s dad, had also cheated for decades. So, yeah. But MIL claims that family history has nothing to do with my cheater’s choices. That’s different. It’s all my fault that he cheated. SMH.
How about getting her out of YOUR system like a colonoscopy prep. Sorry if too graphic.
When my SIL called to see how I was doing, she told me that she just wants her brother to be happy. Such sage wisdom coming from the woman on her fourth husband. She couldn’t understand why I unfriended her from every aspect of my life.
OMG! This was my SIL too!! She’s on her 4th (or 5th?) marriage and told me that SHE had forgiven ALL of her cheaters, so why couldn’t I? It clearly works out so well….
Horrid. My sil sent me an email that said I’m so sorry, I love you both, I’m here for you if you need me.
It meant the world to me. And our relationship wasn’t impacted, I think, because this was her immediate reaction.
My SIL said the same thing. But it meant her being Switzerland. She knows a lot of the horrible stuff he did to me but never said a word to him about it because “he didn’t share that information” with her. In other words, if he didn’t admit to wrongdoing, she didn’t hold him accountable. And she never asked him about any of it. I really loved my SIL – she was almost like a sister to me, but I couldn’t live like that. See, in order to be my friend, you have to actually be willing to stand up for and support me.
She is the one thing I lost in the divorce.
Matthew
I had quite a few of these comments along the lines of well if you hadn’t found out then you would be much happier now. So many people asked me “don’t you wish you had never found out? I wouldn’t like to know.”
The rest of friends I used to have said “didn’t you know though really, they say wives always know.”
One of the thing that chills me the most is thinking what if I had not found out, what if it was still going on now. That makes my blood run cold.
”They say that wives (or spouses) always know”… hmm… well there’s no way to prove or disprove that theory. I mean… you presume Jim Bob would never, but can you be 100% certain? Well… can you? How’s your intuition?
hehe.
No kidding. However there’s a part of me that wishes I didn’t know — he stopped being a “husband ” a long time ago an evolved into a “business Partner” only he forgot to tell me about the change in status. So while I was faithful and questioning what was wrong, he was getting his dick sucked or fucked or whatever by some whore of a woman who justifies her actions bt whatever means necessary.
I forgot to mention that had he been my “business partner” and not my husband, I’d be able to sue his ass for lack of “good faith” and embezzlement and deception.
Ok, I get that they want to get out of the he said/she said in regards to the actual affairs, but what about the YEARS of deceit? I would have made very different decisions about my life had I known my marriage was a lie. At 43, I could have recovered my career and most likely would have found a real man and be remarried. At 55 — 15 years out of the industry, my career is GONE. I can’t commute or travel because I’m still caring for my 15 yo daughter.
So the spousal support fight is on — he looks me straight in the face and says he’s going to “do the right thing, but not be stupid” but he’s hired the most aggressive lawyer in town.
Oh, I forgot to mention that I outearned him 2-1 in the early years of our marriage. We used $$ from my separate property to buy our first house. (Legally, I get that back, unless he decides to challenge me and I’m supposed to provide proof from 23 years ago.) But the additional $$, which is 4 times the original investment it split 50/50.
Oh, and had I not caught him, he would have just carried on. I asked him what his plan was and he said he didn’t have one. Maybe he’d do something when our daughter went to college.
One last thing — when I caught him he said “I deserve to be happy.” Mr. I Have Been Having Affairs for 15 years while I’ve been faithful, untouched and doing all the boring stuff deserves to be happy. Could he be any more narcissistic?
Exactly….I had that same bullshit. My own sister said it was ‘just timing’, she (OW) was convenient and it snowballed…..if I’d not found out then ‘who knows, you might still be together!! There’s still hope’
Oh, I know…I would have been in that miserable cycle of narcissistic abuse for another 12 years. Luckily I found CL and had support of my friends/church and got the hell out. I found meh…..and breathe…..it’s there.
Shortly after my now-ex moved out, I found out my dentist had been having a NINE-YEARS-LONG affair with his assistant. It had been announced to the office, and their receptionist was visibly shaken. At least my ex only made an ass out of me with the OW for a few months at most. And we didn’t have any children.
Is stealing money from someone who trusts you with their checkbook okay so long as they don’t find out?
Two thumbs-up!
Ha! My ex did that too and I didn’t find out about it for years. Funny you should use this example because it happens to be one of the few aspects of my story that doesn’t elicit SSOPS comments. Hm, maybe that’s because not knowing about a betrayal does not make it right, duh.
What a horrible hag of a MIL. Proper response to this verbal knee capping: “Yeah, still being with that slut, that’s a terrifying thought. Thanks for confirming that my snooping saved my soul.”
Perfect, Nomar! Maybe toss in, “and I’d still have you for a MIL”…. LOL!
Here is my ex monster in law of a story… my ex cheated with one of his employees, family business. My ex MIL said to me, “If you were nicer to him, this wouldn’t have happened.” My response, “You’re the one who hired the whore.”
Same work situation. From mil, I got, “well she’s been here a long time so I will not change the reporting structure. Ow will continue to be my son’s only direct report.” I was never considered. And at that point, I’d been in the family 25 yrs. The ow, 10, so she trumped my contributions somehow. That was my last contact with mil. February 2014. She’s never reached out since, nor to our kids. She’s a marital therapist. I’d believed her for all those years that when she told me she loved me and cared about me, that it was true. Her betrayal was a real crush to me, I’d met her when I was 18 and loved her and trusted her. No contact however has been very liberating. What I learned was that the mow worshipped mil, and no narc will give that up. And my role was to look good in family pictures. I’m more educated than both women, so that was threatening, but mil knew I’d overdress for functions she attended and the hillbilly would not, so she needed us both in her life. There’s a reason mow only wears cargo pants with reinforced knees (blow jobs), and that same reason is why she was a better listener than most (hard to ever contradict men or nag or blather on with a dick in your mouth all the time).
My x best friend, a cheater apologist (gee, why?) told me angrily that had I been doing the job of blowing sunshine up my h’s ass, he wouldn’t have cheated. That one hurt a lot. I’d dealt with her dramas for 30 years with nothing but total access and support.
I actually consider myself lucky that only those 2 said hurtful things. I really had great friends otherwise.
Unreal, nic! I am sorry that thing is your kids’ grandmother.
My ex mother in law said to my cheater when he hooked up with a new piece inside of 2 weeks (probably not “new”), “I’m glad you aren’t going through this alone.”
By “this” she meant the divorce.
She never reached out to support me. Or his entire family. The apple doesn’t fall far…
Same here too. His whole family blamed me for his cheating and his having to divorce me. Yeah, like I’m responsible for his weak character, his lack of morals and his poor life choices. Oh hell no!
His whole family imploded when he was a toddler as his father cheated on his mother, so she went out and revenge-cheated on him for paybacks?!? Yeah, I just can’t imagine where he’d ever get an idea like CHEATING from? His whole family is a bunch of fuck-ups and they’ve all been divorced b/c of one or both partners cheating. Welcome to the family, OW…but don’t get too comfortable since I’m sure EX will cheat on you soon too. No worries, it’s in his DNA and men are not naturally meant to be monogamous! And I’m sure it will last for you both since you too were also divorced twice before you erected this house of cards you’re living in with my Ex. May you both feel the pain you caused those of us you left behind in the wake of your trail of mayhem. Neither of you deserves any happiness in this life!
Same here
Same here. the MIL stopped talking to me the day I threw her SOB son out. I was part of the family for 32 years and then nothing. Her loss not mine.
Well, for stupid shit, we really should be interviewing some marriage counsellors to good the real good shit. Let’s face it, they have an incredibly hard job and have to Polish turds all day.
Mine suggested I do nothing and let the affair fizzle out. When that didn’t work, she then told me to “claim” my cheating wife (as if she was some sort of prize). She also suggested it was OK to stay in an abusive relationship. Then there was the “needs” analysis, which the cheater loved as it allowed her to blame me (ie I wasn’t meeting her needs…. So it was OK to cheat).
And I all I wanted from the MC when I first saw her was to have her explain in simple terms to my child-woman ex that it is in fact necessary to stop lying before someone can trust you… MC never once brought up lying again. It was taboo in MC apparently.
FSTL – I’m so sorry you had a therapist that added salt and guilt to your wound!
Some therapists are good though. Upon finding out about his affair, I knew I was in the one and done camp. I got referrals from friends and colleagues and was diligent in picking a counselor that listed marriage AND divorce counseling as the services she offered.
I believe at the time my then-husband believed we were in her office to get wrekonciled. When the therapist asked me while I was there I said I was there to learn how to best navigate the aftermath of his affair so we could be the best possible parents to our kiddo. When the therapist asked my then-husband why he was there, he said “to help chumptitude deal with her trust issues.”
It did take two sessions for the therapist to see that my then-husband was unable to translate the promises he made during our therapy sessions into action between sessions. When I asked him to make the next appointment, it never happened. The week after, he insisted we sat down to “talk and resolved our differences amicably.” WOWZA, this is when I saw him for what he is: a lying cheating cowards that had reached the pinnacle of suckitude by being found out by his trusting chump. He pulled all the mindfuckery he could, from threats to pity to charm.
After that day, I have refused to meet him in person alone. I have only communicated with him over email and txt for kid or divorce-related logistics, and met with him with my lawyer present during our negotiations.
I am still working with that same therapist, she has great insights because she has witnessed him flipping through the 3 channels of mindfuck in her very office.
Chumps, I would only select therapists specialized in domestic abuse and/or who include divorce counseling to their service offerings, these are the ones who can more likely unmask cheating turds and help with chump recovery.
Wow, great story Chumtitude! I, too, am in the One and Done camp but didn’t know it at first. Luckily, I had outside intervention from truly caring friends who gave me tips and evidence of his daliance. It was because of these people that I finally put two and two together to see the real situation. Internally, I already know STBX sucks, but these outside perspective (plus you guys at CN) validated that I am in an abusive and lopsided relationship with a manboy. Then I kind of realized that I really don’t have anything to work on. So I decided it is not worth dealing with this shit anymore..
No kidding. However there’s a part of me that wishes I didn’t know — he stopped being a “husband ” a long time ago an evolved into a “business Partner” only he forgot to tell me about the change in status. So while I was faithful and questioning what was wrong, he was getting his dick sucked or fucked or whatever by some whore of a woman who justifies her actions bt whatever means necessary.
Before my marriage shattered X and I were talking about a neighbor who we found out was cheating. I mentioned to X how badly I felt for her husband, X replied with “Well, if they weren’t getting along.” as if it were no big deal. That should have been a red flag for me.
There are means of solving marital disagreements, I don’t believe cheating has ever been known to solve a marriage when a couple isn’t “getting along.”
That is so transparent Brit….in hindsight of course…. For months I got a run down of everyone elses marriage woes – little did I know he was attempting to give me coded messages about ours!? probably mentally comparing me to the OW with all the suggestions of why dont I do more exercise, why dont i like such and such … towards D day I got ‘I’ve never lived on my own’… musing to himself! The sick bastard insisted on sleeping with me until the week he left because ‘ he knew no other life’ . If I hadnt found out about NPD I would have spent the last year in more of a mind fuck than I am in already. Its all about them all of the time, the OW is their new mirror minus all the stuff about their old life they don’t want reflected back and they argue and lie like a 6 year old – whats not to like?
Yep, lying, cruelty, exploitation of my trust, and my time, never ever discussed, considered, by MC. The exploitative aspect of cheating is never considered by anyone I talk to, I am always the one bringing it up and explaining it over and over again: while the cheaters carry on, the chump is cleaning, looking after kids, working, contributing to common finances, expenses, supporting and counselling children, talking to school, driving kids around, making excuses for whatever deadlines cheater is not meeting because cheater is too busy cheating, all of that FOR FREE!! Yay, slave labour, food on the table and sex at home. Doesn’t get any better. Then they want half of everything on top.
I agree kiwichump–there is an odd gap in understanding. People seem to presume that while he was meeting up with his “soul mate,” spending our money on his pleasures, and losing his job, I was having fun my own way. Affairs are like icebergs–even when outsiders see them, they only seeing a small proportion of the problem. Those of us who’ve been floundering in the water know darn well how big and deep the damn thing is.
I was married to a (cheating) professional marriage therapist. So, yeah, I believe some people shouldn’t be counselors, IMO.
There are many therapists who should not be counseling cheaters. The counselor we saw make it clear she would not discuss the affair itself. Instead,she wanted to discuss “the reasons for the affair.” Ugh, because X was an entitled narcissist, who didn’t think the rules applied to him. But no, it was because I had failed to “put my marriage first.” What bullshit. Of course, when I later learned that she was OW’s cousin, it all made sense. Interestingly, during one of our solo sessions, she told (without disclosing her kinship) that OW’s whole family was basically a nest of vipers, a bunch of malignant narcissists who kept their divorce attorneys on retainer. At least she wasn’t wrong about that part…
I learned the hard way that if there is an abuse issue, you have to find a therapist who understands abuse dynamics. Not all of them are trained.
I know this falls under useless platitudes but it is repeated so often I had to mention it: “Just let it go.” My ex didn’t cheat on me but I did feel like I had to compete with his mother. Doesn’t matter. When something grief-worthy happens people feel like they need to fix you so it doesn’t happen again, especially if you’re a woman.
My ex cheated on me ….a lot. I am now dating a really great guy who has a very dysfunctional relationship with his mother.
She’s had some unsuccessful back surgeries that have left her chronically painful and narcotic addicted. When my boyfriends marriage ended the mother moved in with him (she was living with his sister and her family, since he was now single….his turn) she’s a shopping addict and addicted to pills and not fixing her issues.
Sweet southern lady…gets very Scarlett O’Hara dramatic when he tries to leave the house. He spends two nights a week with me and whenever he does she will always have to call and say she’s lost a cat and he needs to come home or just sound sad and alone….she’s QUEEN of the guilt trip.
A 50yr old man shouldn’t be in a shared custody situation because his mom might feel lonely, or get depressed,or not be able to reach something on a high shelf, or OD on oxy…
I had kind of been rolling with things because I LOVE him, and I like my life even without him. But…..I’m starting to feel like the third party in my relationship again. I’m the mistress….
If nothing else, I’ve learned what not to do to my kids.
Overbearing mothers are the worst,sorry that happened, I totally feel your pain.
End this relationship immediately. Do it kindly and in a constructive way, but no thank you. It’s a 5 alarm signal that this is unhealthy. Tell him why, give true and undramatic examples. Don’t be fooled by promises to change. Give him the gift – because he does sound like he’s between a rock and a very hard place and probably isn’t a bad guy, just weak – of knowing clearly and simply why his relationships fail. Be the one that gets away. Fast, ideally.
I dated 4 momma’s boys in a row (married the last one)–narcs to a one.
Unless he sets limits with his mother, consider running.
Where were you 46 years ago Tempest?? I needed that advice way back then sadly. 🙂
Watch out. You can’t win with a mama’s boy. It is the ultimate triangulation. It is a terrible toxic stew of guilt, manipulation and family ick.
It is like an affair, but you can’t call her a whore. And, if you disparage her, you are trashing his mother. You can’t win.
Even if you LOVE him, I would start slowly detaching with kindness. Maybe when his mother dies, he will reappear in your life, out of slavery to the omnipotent MOTHER. 🙁
absolutely – if they haven’t cut that umbilical cord – you can’t do it for them. The mother will have a hold over them like no one else on the planet. It will be nothing to do with you – you can be the best wife/girlfriend – but she will have a psychic hold over him till they both die – its weird but I think alot of us have been here before and it definately has something to do with NPD as well I think.
Wise words, Carmela. You’re right, you can never win. And if you ever empathize with him when he’s fuming at her, well it was YOU who never liked his mother.
My ex was afraid of his mother for years – then bailed out of the marriage not long after she died. She once told me that he had a habit of lying ever since childhood. I used to do his dirty work by standing up to her and then got the blame for causing problems.
My new partners mum became very competitive with me after her husband died – coming to stay for weeks on end – wanting me to sit in the back of the car – making passive agressive remarks. I gave up fighting with him over her and opted out of lengthy times in her presence – polite but short and sweet. I make myself scarce and keep busy when she is around and that has proved far more effective than any amount of getting upset about her.
When I first met my future husband’s mother she told me what a perfect son he’d been, always did what she wanted, always did everything right. I wish I’d run like hell at hearing that.
Yep. I missed that red flag as well. The second red flag was how he basked in his mother’s attention. A mature adult would be a bit sheepish to hear his or her second grade accomplishments praised decades later by a parent.
After a marriage of 28 years (and living together 5 years prior) my EX “found someone”. I went to be with family for Christmas and got:
From my sister, as she grabbed her hubbie’s hand said, “I got one of the GOOD ones.”.
My mom, “I would be in the same boat if I hadn’t divorced your father .” (she decided she needed her own life – then remarried him 14 years later – yes they are still married), then she added, “not that he ever cheated on me, nor would he.”
And then there are co-workers who come up with
And, I constantly get, “Everything happens for a reason.” God, how I hate that one; After 3.5 years I still want to just chop the tongues off people who tell me that (especially the one who works in the next desk over who tells that to me at least once a week).
And several times, “Well my sister [or friend or cousin] had that happen and she met this fabulous guy, who makes great money, treats her like a queen, and is living the high life in a huge gorgeous house in Florida [or wherever].”
Then there is the always fabulous, “Your life is a result of your choices, if you don’t like your life, make different choices.”
“Smile, you’ll feel better.” Yeah, I plastered a smile on my face for almost 2 years and the only ones who felt better where people around me. After all, I was told, “You look [or sound] so HAPPY.”. Eff that, I finally quit faking it to make them feel better.
yeah – I had a ‘friend’ that smugly told me ‘she got one of the good ones’ – and now see her posting frantically all over face book selfies of them at every opportunity… must have given her a bit of a wobble maybe!
Annoying but actually true – things do happen for a reason. The reason being that they wanted to cheat and lacked the intergrity to let you know what was going on in your own life. There are choices – being honest or deceitful – being chumpy or being mighty – getting a lawyer and getting out or trying to fix it even if it kills you. The smartest way to get that smile your face is to remove yourself from the toxic shit of chumpdom/fake/trying to fix the unfixable and going NC, getting the best settlement possible and losing that creep.
I especially hate the ‘everything happens for a reason’ bullshit line. I haven’t encountered it much, but the one time I did, I just asked very calmly ‘really? What reason do you think it is, with this situation?’. Got a blank look in return, change of subject. Too many people just want to feel better, themselves, and don’t want to think about what they’re saying might mean to you, or might mean at all.
bogieb, can you shut down the “Everything happens for a reason shit” once and for all? Tell her it is beyond offensive to you and you don’t want to hear it ever again.
When I was pink slipped while barely holding it together in the midst of a contentious divorce and a kid in the hospital for suicidal attempts, some dimwit said, “Well I really believe everything happens for a reason.” I replied, “I agree. But it’s not a result of some master plan. Sometimes things happen because people are just mean. Or stupid.”
I’ve discovered that people who resort to platitudes usually have their head really far up their own assholes.
Amen! My cheating SIL who is diagnosed with BPD is forever posting inspirational memes on facebook that paint herself as the loving, sensitive, and ever-sacrificing victim, with no sense of irony. I shudder to think what she would say to me about my STXH’s cheating. Luckily, now that my marriage is over, I never have to speak to her again! Silver linings…
I think the people that tell you stories of success/happiness/true love after a marriage blows up are sincere in their attempt to make you feel better and want to give you hope for the future. They just may be a little clumsy in their attempt. The other people are smug, self righteous asswipes that deep down feel pleasure in someone else’s misery. These people are a whole other post.
I agree. I know I myself truly wish each chump here to find a happy life as soon as is reasonably possible. It doesn’t mean the person offering that hopeful vision doesn’t understand you still have pain and healing ahead of you. Although some do not get that part and think you can just put it all on a shelf and “move on” instantly. My mother thought 9 weeks was more than enough time to be done “looking backwards” … snort.
I agree with this. I do think people who genuinely care about you want to give you hope AND to try to reassure you that not all spouses are like this…there are good ones. As much as we have a right to feel incredible wronged, people who truly care about us do not want to see us bitter. They want to see us “win”. And by that I mean that they want to see us get to what we call “meh” here.
The people who don’t truly care or empathize are the ones who say the stupid stuff. I just close a door emotionally to these people.
Yep, I got the ” my husband deserted me, but at least it wasn’t for another woman.” I think my neighbor is lying to herself.
So with you that one renew. You think the deserting man is out there living a celebate life? Not likely. It’s still sad though. She needs counseling for sure.
Yes she does. He wanted find himself, so he moved out of state to go biking? Yea sure.
There’s stupid shit in what some people don’t say….
Still amazes me that some people don’t express their sorrow when you tell the. Not “of, that’s sad for your, I am sorry”. Instead it’s something like “sometimes it’s for the best”.
Yeh, betrayal is always for the best….
It’s like being betrayed all over again.
I’ve dropped many people from my life who didn’t have the brains or hearts to respond with compassion. I didn’t want a pity party; just some understanding.
I have to say this betrayal stuff really helps you sort out the friends doesn’t it?
One excuse and or platitude was all it took for me to go No Contact.
No Contact, it’s not just for abusive fuckwits!
Exactly.
I agree about the platitudes. My friends and family were angry for me (and still hate my ex), which was exactly what I needed. I can’t imagine sharing some sort of “Look on the bright side!” Pollyanna crap with someone who was cheated on even before it happened to me.
People say all kinds of dumb stuff that they think is comforting, whether it’s about someone’s divorce, a death in his/her family, or a terrible illness. Is that an attempt to actually make the person struggling feel better, or is it more about the messenger feeling good about him/herself because he/she shared some sort of hokey “pearl of wisdom”?
A colleague’s mom just died. When I saw him, I told him how sorry I was and hugged him. It never occurred to me to say, “She’s in a better place… things happen for a reason.” We need to just say sorry and mean it, no matter the circumstances.
I’m with you, MovingOn. Takes me 20 minutes to find a sympathy card. Won’t do the preachy…won’t do the “pearls of wisdom.” So presumptuous.
Getting quite tired of hearing “oh I know you are feeling sad but U know , affairs are really very very common…” (So how come it’s not happening to U – I feel like asking ). So , because it’s common, I have no right up feel angry and aggrieved ? I should just suck it up since , hey, it’s happening all the time . What a moronic thing to say.
So is cancer! So is stillbirth! Just get over it!
A-holes.
Mehmehdancer – I respond with the childbirth argument – Childbirth happens everyday, that does not change the pain level for each mom giving birth…
kiwichump – Good point on death/grieving too :)!
Death happens, it’s really very very common, but when it does, you get plenty of support. And death is usually accidental or disease, out of people’s hands, not a result of bad choices. But when you are cheated on, deliberately deceived and taken advantage of, oh, it’s really common so get over it!
Lol x 1000!
“Aww.., poor fella , he must be having a tough time balancing both families…” When I say that cheater Ex only spends less than 4 hours seeing the kids every week . Since when does a cheater deserve to be cast as a martyr ? What’s wrong with people whom I have known since High School? Should I pass the hat around for the cheater?
Aww poor guy! Someone should really cut his dick off so he has more time to spend with your kids! (Hopefully that was the right answer!)
Ding!
This !
My ex-MIL, although generally very kind and supportive during the initial trauma of D-Day, came out with this gem, “I’m so upset with (CheaterEx), I don’t know what’s wrong with him! I told him he needed to sacrifice for you and the kids!” She then offered to send us on a cruise so we could sweep the whole mess under the rug!
No, ex-MIL, the children and I are not something one must make sacrifices to endure.
My FIL said “I’m so disappointed in my son. We didn’t raise him to be this way.” Well, actually, you did. The STBX’s mother has a black belt in narcissism and his father is a preacher on the down-low. Their whole perfect Christian family is a facade. When the STBXH’s sister (diagnosed BPD) cheated on her husband and he left her, she accused him (falsely) of kidnapping their 3-yr old daughter. MIL and FIL spent $175k to win back primary physical custody for SIL. She then tried to abandon her daughter with me and my husband indefinitely, but I put my foot down and said we would have to notify the child’s father. Instead, she dumped her on my MIL and FIL (her parents), who kept her for months, hiding the child from her father (who shares legal custody), and telling me a thousand lies about him to convince me to keep my mouth shut. When I investigated their lies and found out the truth, my husband wouldn’t call them on it. I notified the father and then I became the scapegoat and they began a new campaign of lies targeting me. Three days after I declared to my husband that I could not and would no longer stay Switzerland on this matter when a child’s well being was involved, I got DDay 4. STBXH declared, from the safety of Burning Man, that he had “discovered” an affinity for S&M and possibly bisexuality, and wanted an open marriage to explore it. I said no thank you to that shit sandwich and now STBXH is living the dream that his father couldn’t. Unfortunately, he is living in his parents’ basement, so my kids are exposed to the full brunt of that family’s insanity 50% of the time. The post nup I made him sign after Dday 1 is the only thing standing between me and the MIL /FIL trying to fight me for primary physical custody of my kids. Meanwhile, he hasn’t told them the truth of why we split, so they assume it was a garden variety affair. They smile at me and express pity for my plight, and I smile back. They don’t know that I’m keeping evidence of their web of lies in case I ever have to use it.
After 5 months since D Day (divirce just finalised), and slowly hearing all the patronizing and condescending advice from
Others ” affairs are really very very common” , ” if things have not been good between you , it’s really best to separate …”, ” when U look back next time, U will realise that its a good thing (U split up)…” . I started to stop mentioning even the slightest information Abt the ex . They simply don’t undetstand, they downplay our pain, nightmares, depression, PTSD. If I were to walk around with my emtional scars , I believe I would look like a zombie from the Living Dead in all its gory horror. They look puzzled when I use words like “touched by evil”, ” PTSD” , “monster” etc deserving the entire episode . So sod it, will not be sharing my experience with these naive, sheltered souls .
I have been married 26 years and I was told last night but my sister, live life for yourself. Do things you want to do. Find your inner happy and people would be attracted to you. Do hot yoga, eat salmon and beets, they are high in omega 3’s. Don’t look for someone. They will find you.
I hate that live life for you stuff too. Do everything you always wanted to do but couldn’t because you were married. Okay. Because I’m a millionaire without a care in the world and now that I live in half my income and magically don’t have any more responsibilities I can just jet off to find myself in Bora Bora and I can live a new life! It’s a nice idea… I think what REALLY happens is that people don’t get that affairs are a SHOCK. This isn’t a normal divorce situation where you see it coming for months or years. You slowly fall out of love or argue too much or grow apart and it’s inevitable. One of the partners was living a HAPPY normal marriage. The OTHER is a two faced fucking SNEAK! Then ? and life as you knew it is over now
exactly – you are dropped from a great height – and the cheater is sorrowfully telling everyone you’re having a hard time accepting its over…. I got from family ‘Its good to be single’….is it? You’re not so how does that work!?
It might be good to be single. If you are SINGLE and its by choice! I didn’t WANT to be single. I LOVED being married. I found the person I wanted to be with. And married that person. So I could have a partner. Someone that had my back and would hold my hand during the hard times. Someone to turn to when I needed a laugh or wanted to tell about my day or talk about what was happening in the world. I don’t WANT to have to date around and learn all about someone new or get dressed up and go out in awkward situations. Try to find someone that matches me, that I can trust, that cares about me and has my back. That shit takes YEARS! I’m only 32 but have to start all over again? We had enough to get by together but I’ll have to move into someone’s extra bedroom once we sell the condo we saved and saved for. I’ll basically be reverting to teenage years. Really?! This is NOT living the single life. It’s NOT Sex and the City. I am a real life person that wanted real things in my marriage and now this half life and “single hood” has been thrust upon me. I don’t live in a TV show (although this does feel like he worst telenovela EVER written sometimes!) I live in life and this is not the life I chose. And if being single is so great then why aren’t all the people we know divorcing and living it up as single people?! I call bullshit!
Sad Shelby I so agree with what you’ve said. And I’m 58 and have lost companionship in old age, and the father of my children and am now a single parent. But you have so much more time on your side. I know it’s difficult but I would jump in there now and try to find yourself a much better new partner.
Living a single life for me is better than what i had. I have had to start over after 30 years not what i wanted or envisioned but it happened nonethe less. I loved that son of a bitch with all my heart and he tried to destroy me mentally someone who had always been kind turned on me like i was shit. Im 62 one next birthday. I cant and wont start up a new future life with someone new. I dont have the time or patience left. You are only 32 give yourself time, grieve, rant, rave. Its safe here for you. We got your back. Youve time to rebuild with or without a marriage. Take time for you ss. We are all here for weve all been there and all of us here have stories many many heartbreaking. Oh my god heartbreaking. This place is for people like us we get it we got you weve all been there. I choose to be single and will stay single im not living it up im finding my way again, rediscovering me and enjoying the hell out of not dealing with a flaming asshole. I choose me and my happiness over all. Its hard i know its hard. Ive moved away and sometimes i still cry over what was. It gone he loses not me i escaped his life he didnt. Fuck my asswipe and fuck yours. The best revenge us living well shelby i intend to, we all do. Ive gotten a fantastic friend through all this through this place and i love her dearly. Huge shout out to jeep tess! I dont buy that shit everything happens for a reason but out of bad does come good. I feel like i know lots of people here even though ive never met them. We are strong and we are mighty we are a nation and a movement and nobody but nobody can bring us down. Big hugs to you shelby.
Kar Marie is absolutely correct Sad Shelby. We got this and you will too! I promise! It just takes time and the time it takes is different for all of us. Just take your time and keep breathing and NC with your cheating coward! It will happen for you. Sad Shelby will emerge out the other side smiling and grateful not to be tied for decades to a man that lacks basic human decency.
Beau and I love you Kar!!!!! Rock on sister!!! 🙂
sad shelby – too right – 32 might sound like you have ‘done’ the dating game, but really you have got it all to go! – Its the cheaters that calculatedly use you up for all the hard yards with kids and domestic stuff then fuck you over when they believe you’re off the market, but they can tap into another desperate female market when they jump ship. This ensures that they win and you lose because thats what it is with these sick bastards. Dont fall into that mentality – you have it all to go for the future – just right now you can’t imagine it.
I hate that live life for you stuff too. Do everything you always wanted to do but couldn’t because you were married. Okay. Because I’m a millionaire without a care in the world and now that I live in half my income and magically don’t have any more responsibilities I can just jet off to find myself in Bora Bora and I can live a new life! It’s a nice idea… I think what REALLY happens is that people don’t get that affairs are a SHOCK. This isn’t a normal divorce situation where you see it coming for months or years. You slowly fall out of love or argue too much or grow apart and it’s inevitable. One of the partners was living a HAPPY normal marriage. The OTHER is a two faced fucking SNEAK! Then ? and life as you knew it is over now.b
x infinity
X1000. Earth shattering to us, PI gossip to others .
Exactly. Exactly.
Do you need any help with hiding the body?
Sorry for the late reply. I was traveling all day. Just arrived home from visiting my sister for the holiday. No, 🙂 I don’t need help. :). She tried her best. And that was good if you knew my sister.
I’ll have you all over for a meal & wine post-deed fellow chumps, you rock :)!
I hope you’ll be serving salmon and beets
Absolutely, and no cake for dessert, I’ll bake pies instead :)!
GIRL YAAAAASSS
I lol’ed hard.
Salmon and beets. excellent advice, that! Now why didn’t I think of that myself!!!
Butterfly98 and following
Now this is what we should hear!! I have shovels!! ???
Only chumps ‘get’ chumps and wickedly funny chumps are the best.
I’ll help with the body…
I spit my coffee out on that one Lola! I was showing my mom a picture on the other woman’s fb page. She’s a designer and my sister looked at her page and said…” Oh..I love that bathroom and sent the picture of the bathroom she had done to herself”…I said ..” You do realize that’s the other woman’s page and design stuff. She said yes and she loved the bathroom”…That is my sister!!
KM, I am sorry. It must feel so lonely when your sister is to selfish and insensitive about your pain.
a double grave it is! 😉
If there’s one thing I’ve learned during my own divorce and my chumped friend’s divorces, is that CHEATING ALWAYS PAYS!
It seems like even the courts are all for cheaters these days! My chump friends are getting raked over the coals by the court systems and are getting left almost destitute by the court, while the cheaters go on to live their lives in comfort with their OW. The courts are destroying not only marriages, but the lives of those chump survivors and their children in the process.
No-Fault divorce came about to allow abused spouses to get out of their marriages much easier. But somewhere along the line that idea failed and now is allowing cheating spouse a free ride out of their familial responsibilities and moral obligations.
While courts state they are only interested in the equal division of property between the divorcing parties, they need to take into consideration that they’re aiding in the destruction the fiscal, moral and mental health’s of the cheater’s surviving spouses and children! Many of them, who haven’t worked for years at their spouse’s request to raise the kids, are now finding themselves living at, or below, poverty level, while the cheating spouse lives in the manner they are accustomed. Just sickening, and the courts need to stop this destructive behavior ruling!!
But as long as the judges in my county’s court system who dabble in this destructive cheating behavior themselves are allowed to continue to sit on the bench, this “good ol’ boys club” mentality will continue to destroy more lives than they’ll ever save and cheating will continue to pay-off big time…
Infidelity should be compensated for.
It should be recognised as not a ‘distress symptom’ the RIC call it, but for the aggressive act it actually is. Nobody should be allowed to hurt other people this bad and not pay damages for it.
Fucktard walked out on our mortgage in the two years it took us to divorce in CA, house foreclosed, kids and I scrambled to relocate and he just purchased a second house (all this within five years of divorce). Ex worked pt for our court whose last motion was granting me $70/month spousal support (on his 100k salary. Not including perks.) So happy half “his” pension is mine.
I have shovels 🙂
And black clothes for cover.
I’ll bring the toilet paper we’ll all need after pissing on the graves.
Does anyone deserve to be cheated on and betrayed and humiliated (over and over) simply for loving and putting up with a cheater to keep the family and kids together ? And does such a crime against humanity (becoz the devastation inflicted for years to come ) justify the cheater’s vision of a better and happier future ? (We have to go thru the worst to get to a better place .) really , seriously ? It looks like pure selfishness to me !
That is something that just PISSED ME OFF. “I’m not happy. Don’t you WANT me to be happy?!” Well no fucktard. I DON’T! You just SHIT on my life and blew it the fuck up. I want you to be just as fucking miserable as I am! SUFFER you fuck! ?
“One day you’ll find someone new.” Or maybe I won’t. It’s WAY easier for men to find new relationships than it is for women. That might have been my only option. My mom was single after her divorce (no infidelity she just married young to someone disordered with severe FOO issues) for TWENTY YEARS! It wasn’t that she wasn’t open or looking. Because she was. It just happened that it never worked out for her.
Pisses me off the platitudes and “it’ll all work out for the best!” BS. I’m not normal anymore and will never be the same person again, happy, innocent, trusting, scar free. Hopefully I’ll recover and be able to be in a normal relationship again possibly YEARS down the line.
I can totally relate. Sorry for your pain.
I got the statement “I DESERVE to be happy JUST ONCE before I die” as if marriage to me, nice house, great kids, all the new cars and toys he ever wanted was just a living nightmare. SMDH
Apparently I was misery wife. And he was unhappy for years. And then the story has changed. It wasn’t actually the entire marriage or the 5 years or 1 year. Or whatever stupid thing it was he said. Wait. Maybe life with you ISN’T that terrible… I can’t even imagine the PAIN and SUFFERING these POOR POOR men had to suffer through! I have 100% confidence you ladies were NOT misery wife and I wasn’t either. It must be hard to not be able to trust your own thoughts and feelings because you’ve turned into a crazy liar crazy person!
SadShelby, count me in the misery wives club. And my cheater in the Unhappy men club. “I could never make you happy! I tried hard. I failed!” These words started long before DDays when I know now he was preparing to exit, but I didn’t know then. I don’t know how many hundres of liters of tears I cried. “You will make a good wife to somebody else. We are just too different. My interests have never been yours.
.” And I cry again. All of that going on for 3 years was to push me into taking the decision to divorce. Then he would be the good guy in the eyes of other people. “Poor guy, wife left him and lives in another country with the kid for 6 years, she probably has cheated on him, and this poor guy is here taking care of family properties and fully sustaining his family in another country.” THIS IS WHAT HE WANTED AND WAS PUSHING ME into with his unhappy talks.
Then the AP with whom he was planning his exit was offered a great opportunity in her country. She chose her government career over my husband. They still maintained their meetings here and there and now were planning a different thing: my husband would visit with me and our son for 6 months and spend the other 6 months in her country to be close to her.
And this is when the “unhappy husband and misery wife” talks stopped and he actually started re-connecting with me on all levels, physical and emotional. And I was still totally confused but in the hard-core pick me dancing mode because while I saw him “returning” into the family deep down in my guts I KNEW he was still checked out. I read about intermittent reinforcement experiment. It helped a lot in understanding why we get hooked to such idiots.
I am not misery. If I was, people would not like to be around me. Somehow I attract people. I have great friends. Some of them may yet to become Switzerland- need to wait and see. Except I can’t attract my husband. And I realise today it’s for better.
Mine used very similar lines – I can’t believe it. We’re divorced but he keeps asking why we can’t be together since it’s been 3 years now. He has no clue the pain he’s caused. And he’s only gotten worse – he has not improved himself. I wish you joy in 2017
Tobe, I wonder in amazement at their stupidity. I have a feeling I will be dealing with this “take me back” down the road.
Today we discussed the separation terms. Joint custody. Kid lives with me. He visits twice a year, stays over at his mom’s, and the kid is with him for 2 weeks over christmas holidays. He told me you are welcome to come visit too! The sun/sea combination over cold winters in canada is enticing but he comes in with this package!
I said we should tell our 9 year old why. He has been sensing it for the past 3 years (my mood swings and tension and endless conversations) and he knows I always loved his dad. So for now I told my son I am upset with the lies but refused to explain more. And I know he gets angry and more insecure with this confusion.
If the truth is what I advocate from now on in my life then I think it should be disclosed to our kid as well. I can’t just say a common BS that your parents grew apart, stopped loving each other, bla bla bla. I think adults are adults for a reason. They don’t divorce just because they feel they are suddenly out of love and they try hard to figure things out with their spouse instead of jumping into other people’s beds.
So…the cheater goes, “Fine! We can tell him. But it’s not about the infidelity for me. It’s about my personal freedom. I will just tell him that I was always like this and I was not going to stop just because I got married!”
And I said, that’s fine (“dig your own grave”-in between the lines.) You’ll let our son know about your truth and I will let him know about mine. For me, that freedom of yours is a dealbreaker. And he needs to know about the dealbreakers so he can be more mature in his own relationships.”
Now the irony. If you, the cheater, were always like this and were not going to change, as you claim, why did you not inform me about your peculiar preferences 12 years ago? If this is what you are and you have just admitted this, then why did you blame, criticize, gaslight me, accuse of not being able to meet your needs on both physical and emotional levels? Why all that? Whatever I was/wasn’t or did/didn’t do, you were going to do what you pleased anyway…
Silence…
So similar, frightening! You will get thru this dear. Baby steps! Protect yourself and your boy financially. Trust me! And the freedom part. Mine said the same thing at some point. They use all the lines to try to justify their actions. Nothing gives them peace of mind in the end. It’s sad. Stay strong!!
It is eerie how these cheaters all sound the same. Wow!
Wishing you a great 2017.
I got the same remark from my x. He’s living the life now but yet still miserable as in no joy.
my mom still tells me, “there’s two sides to every story” No mom there is not, what I am telling you is the truth, actual facts, it is not a story, you almost lost your son based on the events going on. And for the love of god, please stop talking about what you saw the kids were doing with her on facebook, ask me about the times I shared, talk to me about that, not what the kids were doing during the ex’s time. I had to block the ex, even though I knew it would mean that I wouldn’t see pictures of my kids.
The whole mom thing! Don’t get me started? I will say I know how you feel. Mine tells me how she is here for me, feels bad about what happened and is angry about it. Then in front of me talks to the kid about what he did with his dad, his dad’s family, his dad’s work. She never asks him about what he has done with me or what he wants to do with me, or anything about me. Until recently there wasn’t even a picture of me in her home that cold be seen by a visitor. Pics of my siblings, pics of my kid, pic of my kid with my sibling, all over. I wasn’t sure if I was dead to her or she was just ashamed of me. But hey, she’s here for me. She said so.
I spent twice as much time in therapy dealing with my mother and how to keep her at arms length so she can’t hurt me as I do dealing with the divorce and what cause it. You gotta learn to keep mom at bay. Stewing in that kind of crazy is pretty dangerous.
Just really glad my mother is dead. The hurtful things she said and did when she thought I had a happy marriage were bad enough. She’d have really had a time of it if she’d been around when I discovered my husband’s infidelity.
Oh xtk, I’m so sorry. Sorry for you, too, Tessie. This comment sucks big time. She’s clearly not in your corner. It reveals a lot about who your mother is (and perhaps always has been). As KB22 stated, she’s passive aggressive, and you really ought to consider removing her from your life…for as long as you want to. Good for you for blocking…Stay strong ~ Stay mighty!
When someone lies, cheats and destroys, there is never “two sides to every story”. Would your mother say that to a young victim of a pedophile? Sorry but your mum is a passive aggressive twit and for your own sake you should take a break from her for a bit.
That was exactly what my mother said to me after my 1st husband cheated on me. Dear old mom was a highly abusive covert narc. Consider the source.
Ex MIL 4 days after DDay and XH driving off to personally tell his friends n family we were done (before he had actually fully explained to me and has still not to this day)
Sent a text that said ” look after yourself”
18 years and I get a text……
Neighbours ” we can’t take sides- we like you both”
Narc mother ” where you not a good wife?” ……..btw I never got a Xmas present ?
Sister initially pretty good and very supportive but after nearly 5 years since DDay she now seems to think the marraige was doomed from the beginning as “I did everything ” – that’s where I went wrong …..”you need to move on now”
Other sister (Narc)” sorry you were having problems”(we weren’t).
Best mate – rang at 4 am when I couldn’t breathe or even speak, has been a rock the whole way……… Still shocked and has never indicated there appeared to have been issued or I deserved it – still can’t believe he turned out to be an asshole / had her fooled big time.
Everyone else – I was a bitch and deserved it – we had “problems” despite never having a major argument the whole 18 years we were together – could you blame him for cheating?
Boss at work – very supportive once I told her 3 mths after DDay – helped me with my exit plan and to secure my overseas work visa, still in touch.
My boss was amazing too “whatever you need” and he meant it.
Found out later his mom cheated on his dad when he was a teen and they divorced.
Barely know the guy, only talk every other month, more supportive than people I had known for decades. I honestly believe only those who have been there can possibly understand.
Digbert – People we went camping and outings with over the last 10+ years said: “We like you both – we can’t take sides. We don’t agree with what he’s doing to you, it’s terrible, but we love him as our friend. And you are our friend, too.”
Well, if you can love a person who cold-heartedly dumped his family and took his daughter to his house where he moved in with 22 y.o. coworker two months later…and then you are aware of the lies, the evil, sneaky, underhanded things he has done – and continues to do – to screw me out of as much as possible in the divorce and mess with our daughter’s head with his lies, etc. ( Like claiming he has no money and if I have him pay me spousal support his daughter will lose her house and have to move while he lives the high life – he makes 6 figures. The list goes on)
Says quite a bit about their character. What’s interesting is they are cheaters themselves, too. Cheaters stick together. I relate to some of your other statements, too.
Even the boss at work – very supportive. Awesome person. 🙂
Big time difference here other side of the world Findingpeace but I agree with the “cheaters stick together” although one of my neighbours was seriously chumped so I expected better from her, the other neighbour has stopped really communicating after 5 years and I suspect she assumes that there really were marraige issues that I never told her about.
All the Switzerland friends were cheaters (including a couple that were blatant swingers and heavily into porn/ creating online videos etc.) that was the XH’s best mate so I was doomed from the get go, although my XH regularly expressed his disgust about their activities and I was wary of them and didn’t approve really, he was secretly indulging in his own sick fantasies over the years and probably helped by his best mate too!
XH timed his exit to coincide with my work redundancy (he didn’t fuck up- it was all premeditated) my boss and our department were amalgamating (or getting made redundant) into a bigger company – this process was very structured, it took 18-24 mths and I could have taken another role but my XH went mad and encouraged me to take the redundancy package and get out ( surprise surprise!!! ). My boss helped me enormously once she saw me crack and lose it one day as I had never missed a work day since he had walked out. I told her what had happened and we kept it quiet from everyone else and she supported me before I left the country and whilst I was abroad sorting my paperwork, nice to know someone has your back eh?
The woman who I thought was ons of my best friends, tolde me ‘Well, you just had a difficult relationship with your ex, so this is much beter for you. You must be relieved that he’s gone and you just have to move forward. And so must he (I found out my ex is stille in touch with her and her husband and is acting like he is the victim, he cheated on me with at least 4 women. And he was never interested in my friend and her husband while we wereld married).
Same thing happened to me with my “friends” he never had anything to do with.
Right after he moved out he was having dinner with them going places on weekends
with them X never would do any of these things with them when we were married.
Now they’re close friends with X and I don’t speak with them.
Sorry, my phone keeps switchin to dutch….
Yep, Judy. They are so much the ‘victim.’ While we are the ones being cheated to and lied to. I realized he’d been cheating for years and bringing people in our home. In our camper. So gross
After I got the emergency protective order dear MIL called to convince me to drop it… During this conversation she said some truly stupid shit. Because it makes me laugh now, my all time favorite is: “HE said you stopped shaving your legs”.
I was post-Holidays sad today. But, after reading about Datdamwuf’s MIL justifying son’s cheating because “HE said you stopped shaving your legs” and so many other sickening examples of Stupid Shit Other People Say, I managed my contribution to Chump Lady’s collection.
One of my SEVEN BILs (so many males wanting to be the alpha male explains a LOT of jealousy and stupid shit that has increased with old age) recently wrote to me, almost one year after total silence from all In-Laws after D-Day, to tell me that:
…he hasn´t been in touch with me so HE (!!??) could “give me enough space to dialogue with STBXH”
…he is also upset with my complaints about mean-spirited STBXH and BILs.
…he “understands” my complaints because “your family has its share of cheaters too”.
I had told one BIL, for example, to go to hell after he complained that I fixed a termite-infested table, ready to crash the TV on the floor, from the soon-to-be-ex-family weekend place that I helped support. Believe me, they got jealous if I cleaned lizard shit from the laundry room.
Another BIL serves cheese and beer to a circle of friends and family and on purpose walks straight past me and STBXH says nothing, probably because he is lost in thought about Flatterfuck.
And many other examples from mean-spirited BILs and lazy, Switzerland SILs.
All this pettiness and mean-spiritedness started about 15 years ago, after 24 years of marriage, which I now know coincides with cheater’s “conversion”. I think there is some kind of Freudian solidarity going on among BILs in spite of all the alpha male competition. Meh will include freedom from being treated like a concierge on my weekends.
A Meh-filled 2017 to all of Chump Nation.
Mine cheated because I turned into a werewolf.
Dat, this has to be the all-time stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. What a load of crap. I guess mommy dearest had a hand in creating your ex’s screwed up mind.
R u serious ? ???!!!!!!!
Absolutely serious. Her son brings a gun, threatens to kill himself, threatens me and this is what I hear. The not so funny thing she said that day was “HE said the gun wasn’t loaded”. Like that would make it OK? FWIW, the gun was loaded and a bullet was chambered, no safety. I know, I convinced him to unload it but he was drunk and I wasn’t sure all the bullets were out by the time he was chasing me to my car. But hey, MIL is sure he didn’t mean to hurt me…sigh. The insanity of it all.
Omg – well you dodged a bullet there ……literally…… but shame on you for not shaving you legs!!!! The mothers of these fuckwits have a lot to answer for- my XMIL was a cold cold woman-collected Eagles, owls and wolves instead of pics of family over the years my wedding pic ( one of the few that was allowed) would have been removed and replaced by another laminated wolf pic within minutes of her son’s arrival to announce the demise of our marraige – he only told them about the cheating part a couple of months later but as the older cheating brother was on his 3rd wife they would inevitably blame everything on me ‘the big bad wifey’ regardless.
OMFG. I’m so sorry you had to go through that. How the hell can people spackle it to themselves when you have to get an EPO? [and I know of what I speak] I’m so sorry.
This little nugget came from someone who I thought was a good friend. Her husband is also my exes supposedly best male friend (and he’s a cheater too as he had a one night stand while they were dating and she knows nothing of it.).
So she said to me, “Well, I think that Cheater married you, because we all were getting married at the time. He felt pressured to marry you.” Two guys my ex went to high school with all got married the same year. Gosh! The pressure! Guys don’t pressure each other to get married.
Wow. I could have sworn he repeatedly said I was the love of his life. The perfect woman for him. That woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with and go gray with. And lots of other things that lead me to believe he wanted to marry me. Stupid me. He was pressured to marry me. And that’s why he lied to me constantly for 25 years and cheated me. It was all the pressure.
Sometimes I think the “good friend” betrayals are even worse than the cheater. I can sort of accept that I had one person in my life who had me totally bamboozled, that I was a fool for love and missed clues. But having both of our best friends (a married couple) choose him even after I told them EVERYthing, that was really the straw that broke the camel’s back, y’know?
She said a couple of really hurtful things, mostly I think because of how SOON she came up with, “Well, it’s just EASIER to see him, because he lives nearby so he just pops over.” and “He’s easier because he’s happy and you’re so… sad!” And “I had to stop and ask myself why you & I are actually friends, like, what’s your value to me?” And “Isn’t it exciting to think about going out now and finding someone else for yourself? A whole new man??”
In hindsight — two+ years now — it seems ridiculous that I ever wanted to get any of that back: XH, Switzerland friends, … But those emotional memories run deep. Sad to realize the relationships themselves were so shallow.
This sounds similar to my Switzerland best friend. Her husband was BFF with my ex. I had to back off our friendship when my ex was finding out a whole lot of detail about my personal life after we separated (like a guy I was dating). It could only have come from her. I decided I couldn’t make her choose between me and her husband who had my ex over to their house all the time. I backed off and went NC with her.
The killer punch came from another best friend when about 3years post d-day, after her being such a support for me, decided my ex “but really, he’s not a bad person and he’s a good father.” AND “if you want home to treat you better, you need to be nicer to him.” REALLY!? When he only went for more custody so he wouldn’t have to pay as much child support cos he gets his parents to look after them anyway, he goes to the other side of the world FOR CHRISTMAS with his gf and leaves them again, with his parents, he is only reasonable when he is getting what he wants. So I had to cut ties with this one. I need my friends to support me, not my ex.
I am 5 years post d-day and I have moved towns (which my ex best friend also had an issue with as I was not “putting my children first” … well he certainly wasn’t either when he was getting sucked off by the DFW (dirty fucking whore AP)) I have cut ties with most of the people from my old life, and I have a new partner. I remember being in the pit of darkness and people would say “it will get better”, I couldn’t believe them then but it was true. I have become more spiritual and have followed my dream of being a counselor for teens, I would never have had the courage to do that if I was still with my ex. He wouldn’t have seen the point as he has zero empathy and just doesn’t get how to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. (Narc).
Cut ties with the Switzerland friends and anyone else who doesn’t have your back. Move on without them. I have found you don’t need many friend, just true ones.
Emmsnearmeh,
Good for you for following your dreams by becoming a counselor for teens! 🙂
And getting rid of the Switzerland friends and anyone else who doesn’t have your back — absolutely 100% agree!
Mine cheated with my best friend. She was my maid of honor. It was all very convenient because she was over a lot, while I was recovering from cancer treatment, to help with the kids, etc. They spent a lot of time together and got to know each other well and fell in love. She was married too.
Hope you had a good holiday, LotusDancer. I am thinking of you with your very awesome Christmas decorations. 🙂
Fabulous Christmas thanks chumpiest!! Several great verbal acknowledgments of awesomeness from the kids. 🙂
Thanks findingbliss. 🙂 it’s still strange to think it really happened. But it’s been a year since dday and it’s starting to fade, the shock.
So sorry, Lotus. I can’t stand these lowlife lying scumbags and their whores. During your cancer recovery? A special place in hell awaits.
If I hear one more person say , no I think he did love you, or dose love you its just that…………………
He probably wasn’t happy
He just has issues
It was just sex, your the one he comes home to
(His response) it was just fantasy
He was just chasing the fantasy sex that every man is chasing but it doesn’t exist
Join the club
Well if that’s love, sneakily visiting sex/workers and escorts for at least 5 years without me knowing and spending significant amounts of money on the best, ‘including the girlfriend experience’ its gone a little further than just sex, its fantasy girlfriend, he even had a favourite when I found out, he knew plenty about her for a prostitute, hell, he even left a photo of her for me to find in amongst photos of my children on the computer, how thoughtful.
My favourite is, ‘well if that happened to me, I certainly wouldn’t/I would etc
Yes, but it didn’t and hasn’t happened to you, but feel free to tell me how to DO things. Uuugghhh
This is what I get too…if that happened to me I would do this or that….
I don’t judge them though as I was there myself once. When my close friend’s husband was regularly cheating on her (for 11 years of which 7 years was with the same woman) and she was going through motions of leaving him with her two boys then coming back because they both continuously professed love to each other ( !), I kept telling her to leave him for good. She was financially totally dependent on him and his entire family was very supportive of her which kept her in the fighting and fixing mode for all these years. The husband kept swinging between the wife and the OW and appearing at a loss (sad sausage) because he loved them both and could not choose. I recall my own self-righteous ways of saying that THIS COULD NEVER HAPPEN WITH ME BECAUSE I WOULD NEVER TOLERATE IT. And if I was in her place then I would have left the cheater no matter what..Well, it’s always easy to say things when you are not invested and can see things as a third party (usually more objectively).
This friend’s husband then moved to work in another country and she was happy because the OW was not part of his life anymore and he was just having casual sex in the absence of his wife and she was totally fine with that and accepted that “men have different needs.” When I started living long distance with my husband she appeared to be very wise advising me to just accept the biological need and not make a fuss about it. I remember having these outbursts with her when she woul tell me matter-of-factly that for sure my husband was having sex on the side because I was not always available and so I just had to accept it because it’s not really cheating as he was not going to leave me for another one. I used to tell her I trusted my husband and he was the man of high integrity and would not do it. I was convinced that if he wanted to be with another woman he would first advise me of his need and then make a move. Ha!
When I spoke to this friend of mine last summer about my situation and asked for her advise (primarily on how to handle this from an emotional point of view) she told me her husband stopped cheating and she is 100% sure because they now live together and she satisfies all his sex needs. She also told me his attitude towards her changed and he is just more loving, attentive etc. But she then added that it’s not because she fought hard but just because he got tired of it and decided to change himself. This was my ticket to the 2-month long failed wreckonciliation. I hoped that, contrary to the common wisdom, a cheater is not always a cheater and leopard can (sometimes) change the spots and that if my friend could have her husband back then so can I.
I know better now. I don’t want to break my friend’s heart, she recently lost her younger son at 18 yrs old. She genuinely believes her hubby is back to her. I sincerely wish that it was true. I don’t know it for sure but a serial cheater wouldn’t stop just because s/he CAN.
While there have been many stupid comments lobbed my way in the last 6 months, (why don’t you just move on, blah blah..) I think what hurt the worst was my STBX StepMIL’s comment: “What was your part in all this?” And this woman is a marriage counselor – sadly, with the same oldschool RIC training that makes me want to vom. I’m a trauma counselor myself, so there is that whole other level of grief and shame for me to digest/process beacause of that.
However, hearing that bit from her cut deep, coming from one who “should know better” and had previously (I thought) been supportive of me during the last few years of Narkle’s antics and my efforts to start to free myself. What I’m seeing is the the apple didn’t fall far from the tree, and calling out my STBX draws attention to the pervasive culture of enabling my cheating (aslso drug and sex-addicted ) STBX, as well as the other pervasive narc-enabling patterns in the family – like enabling his dad, sister, etc. God forbid we all actually tell the truth and hold people accountable.
One more stupid thing, from Narklrs himself: “She loves me – all of me- just as I am.” Maybe she does love the drug and sex-addicted parts of him…and maybe she is as big a narc as he is and thinks the magical spackling elixir of her special two wuv will save him. Good luck with that.
She loves you…yea yea yea!!
Yeah, my ex liked that OW didn’t judge him and make him feel like a bad person, because she had cheated on her husband and broken up her family that way, too. She understood!
They truly did deserve each other.
Mine, too. — Two cheaters married to each other. The trust must run deep in those relationships now.
My priest: “Only take responsibility for your 50 percent of the problem.”
My father: “give the boy some rope.”
My stepmom: “But look on the bright side. You got two beautiful children out of the deal.”
My sister: “It’s what men “DO!”
My good friend’s husband upon declaring his intend to continue to be friends with my STBX: “No one really cares (about the affair.)”
“But you knew what he was like….”
I got this one too. Um, not so much.
Miss delta
Men and cheating
Oh I hear that a lot or it is the undertone that is present in any conversation to do with cheating – “that’s what men do”. So many people believe that as marriages get longer men will be unable to fight their natural urge to have sex with anything that moves. Cheating is inevitable in a long marriage, it’s just men being men, the opportunity was there so of course they take it. This is the implicit view for most people it seems. Men cheat. It’s depressing.
I wonder what comments male chumps get?
That “men cheat, it’s what they do” comment gets me every time. Judging by the amount of dick I willingly and firmly turned down over a twenty year period , I can confirm that it’s easy to say “no thanks, I’m married” to any number of constant and bewildering offers to stray.
Crotch punches to anyone who uses the “all men /(and also women) stray” line. It’s total crap.
Guys get: “well I guess you weren’t handling your business,” (read – you aren’t wealthy, well hung, controlling enough).
More than once I’ve been told “if a woman cheats it’s because her emotional needs weren’t being met by the husband”?
Cheaters don’t have emotional needs. They don’t have emotions. Because they’re soulless superficial two-dimensional versions of humans beings. Therefore, that can’t be the reason he cheated.
Q.E.D.
What a piece of crap.
That does not explain the gaping empty black hole/s of the decade-long MOW I experienced.
I spent time early on being a detective because of the huge blindside, the WTF?!! and The Who IS this person(the MOW). Complete BS her needs not being met by her spouse. She too is a serial cheating loser from Corona CA selling MK, picking up losers in bars (the asshat I know) hiding her creepy second life from her spouse…..until she told her spouse a year or two before I busted my asshat. The guy is still doing the pickmedance with her. Alas! His marriage to her was the result of him cheating on his spouse with her.
Chumpy dad, don’t believe that BS. It’s meant to keep you silent. You married a horrid, soul sucking loser who will forever be filling her empty holes with strange dick….because, ya know, her emotional needs are not being met.
ANC-
Every time I see a pink MK car I laugh & think to myself “I wonder if that is the cheater pig mobile?”
(I am in somewhat close proximity to her stomping grounds……………)
Haha! Maybe…. she was the Hog Queen in her teen years and proud of it. I found it fitting when I learned about her identity with this quip: you can put lipstick on a pig and it’s STILL a pig. The Hog Queen, the Rectum of Wonder, sells MK! Yeesh.
The Hog Queen, the Rectum of Wonder, describes the traitor’s whore perfectly too!
Such mind-blowing BS. No amount of evidence or testimony to the contrary will get them to admit the truth. Hundreds of thousands of Chump wives on this site can state truthfully that their emotional needs were never met, and they never cheated.
So sorry you hear this crap, Chump dad.
Hear, hear!
Boys will be boys type BS.
Told my MIL, this shit, the generational serial cheating and rug sweeping with the inlaw family, stops with me and my kids. I am raising men and women of character. Not fucking douchebags and ho’s. That shut her up FAST.