Stupid Shit the Affair Partner Says
By popular request… I bring you “Stupid Shit the Affair Partner Says”! Some of you chumps have had the misfortune of having direct communication with your home wreckers. Even more of us have had the nauseating experience of reading the soul mate schmoopie texts and emails. And some of us have even walked in on the bozos.
So, now’s your chance — lay it on me. What’s the dumbest thing they said?
I’ll start off — the long-term OW in my ex’s story (through three marriages and counting) called me 6 months into my marriage to tell me she existed. At the end of one of her calls she said
“You sound like a nice person.”
O-keey.
Later though, when I didn’t vacate the marriage as quickly as she’d hoped, she had different words for me — she told me I was a whore. (Yeah, the one with the marriage license and the ring. Not the person who was a side dish fuck through three marriages. I replied “that’s Mrs. Whore to you.”)
You got better? I’m all ears.
quote …are you ready…”IT’S YOUR FAULT MAKING ME SLEEP WITH OTHER GUYS”….yeah did your head kinda do that move that dogs do when they don’t know what your saying…that little crank sideways??…mine did too….lol…..yes…true statement that actually came from her lips when I confronted her after yet again leaving her 9 year old alone at her apartment where he doesn’t feel comfortable and mom has dissappeared for a couple hours at night…again .
So I waited in the car with him in the driveway until she showed up. And stupidly wasted a bunch of words out of my vocabulary cache that I will never get back because they bounced of those common sense force fields that surround her EARS…(or maybe they still hurt from someone holding on to them)…but yes in her stammering to come up with an excuse of where she had been thats the SHIT THEY SAY…and only those of us that understand the types we are dealing with believe it…cuz no one else does.
Nice imagery soyouseeit2!
Soyouseeit2- you’ve got a way with words. These cake eating freaks’ claims are mind blowing!
thank you…there were no conversations between me and Other Dude(s)….there would be no words just more action and I would be in jail…and she just was not worth it…the fun part now is watch her wither because all the fun guys are gone…no one to look after her….ahhhhh thats toooo bad….they loved you so much too…LMDO…such an idiot….and yes it was hard living in the same house and smiling knowing she was fu king around and eating that shit fillet minion day after day but 6 and half years later the judge awarded me the house and her practically nothing….people asked me why I didnt react and now my patience payed off…now the real payback starts
sorry thats OUR 9 yr old…well mostly mine now…hes 12 now and see’s mom’s short comings for himself
Hmmm…one OW, who was my friend, said to me when I finally spoke to her (only that once) ‘We didn’t actually fuck’. Which really made me feel better, obviously.
She tells me “I don’t even fuck my husband, I only fuck you” when being jealous of an ex trying to contact me
my h ow told me 4 months after he left me for her “all we do is f ck.” well thats messed up then she told me other ignorant stuff like how she OWNS him. she owns him physically mentally n emotionally. and when i asked her she willingly wants to be in a relationship with a man who straight up told her she was not his first affair she responded because i’m a stupid b tch. she also kept repeating how she just wanted to DEVOUR him, she sounded like an obssessed crazy person.
Oh, and current OW said she understood the kids were upset but that they’d be over it in a year or so. Mind you, she’s very young and has no children but hey, she has friends whose parents got divorced so she was a fountain of knowledge.
Speaking of trading down… what an insensitive, horrible bunch your x surrounds himself with.
Yes, I’ve certainly come to that conclusion. And I’ve had to do some serious thinking about the sort of people I’ve allowed to be in my life. Obviously I’ve needed to rethink my friendships and bit and start looking at people more carefully.
I had gone from oblivious sucker to being 5 steps ahead of them overnight. After overhearing them strategize over what to say to me and wondering how I could know so much (I’m not a person of insubstantial technical means – I’ll leave it at that), he sent me a text saying “What’s up? Haven’t heard from you in a while. Wanna train some time?”
I don’t know what his game was but, in my PTSD state, it left me feeling really creeped out and weird. Since we’re talking about AP’s, I’ll share a few thoughts I had while trying to untangle that skein (before CL taught me that all I had to do was cut the Gordian Knot, if I may thoroughly mix my metaphors). I think there are 2 main reasons why my STB STBX’s last AP prefers married women. First they’re low commitment and he probably keeps 2 or 3 going at any time (despite the fact that my wife thought they were soul-mates (I mean she had sparks and butterflies and everything)). Secondly I think he likes the conflict. I heard him describe trying in vain to provoke a confrontation with a previous skank’s poor husband. I didn’t give him that satisfaction, which is I think, what he was trying to set up with his text. I’m a black belt and an avid shooter with a ridiculous arsenal so I could have handled it differently if so inclined.
I hope this is relevant to the topic. It seemed like it was at the beginning but I always seem to end up rambling.
Oooooo HB, I am having happy visions of you kicking squash-faced AP’s ass (today’s an “s” day– squash-faced, sick MF, skank, shitbag, slut). But I digress, now where was I? Oh yes, you kicking AP’s butt….. Anyhow, no, no don’t go there, you’re clearly too smart for that and too smart for either of those mental midgets, but it is fun to fantasize……
Too funny Kelly! My daughter came over and asked me what was so funny and I had to think of a joke fast. I love “s” day.
yeah, my ex’s affair partner kept telling me she knew I wanted to talk to her and offering to come over so I could punch her. Um, actually no I don’t. And wha?
Other than one night/weak moment when I did confront her (just via text – no punching as she so maturely offered) I pretty much only responded to anything she sent me with a brief message not to bother me or no response at all. I didn’t give her the satisfaction of getting worked up or even addressing anything she said. I assume “meh” bothers these people just like it bothers the cheating spouse. They want want you to get pissed… they want the attention, even if it’s negative. It means you’re jealous, threatened by them.
Ah yes, the power if meh. Quick everyone, strike your favorite Freddie Mercury pose and sing with me “We are the chumpians, WE ARE THE CHUMPIANS! No time for losers ’cause we are the chumpians… of the world.”
aE–did you see this one?
Omg!! Hahaha!! This is the best ever!
Stephanie,
I copied this pic, going to print a few and laminate to pass out when I am “approached” by any OW. And him. I know it’s coming and it may very well save me bail $. Thank You! Hopefully the OW’s can read and comprehend.
In response to stupid shit the ow says I heard the perfect reply recently: I would slap you but I don’t want to get slut on my hand
OMG I love that wish I could send it to here facebook page.
LOL! I hadn’t. Maybe I’ll send it to her on my 2 year Dday anniversary 🙂
At daughter (who knew about the betrayal) having trouble when going to her dad’s, which was part of divorce agreement, where instead OW was immediately ensconced with her brood– OW saying “I will do everything I can to help do what’s best for her. I hope that’s what we all want.” Huh?
Also, “sorry I unintentionally hurt you”.
And, “I had so many people to think about that I couldn’t think about how this was affecting someone i didn’t know.”
.
Oh, this crap is part of STBX’s and OW’s propaganda– if you recall, I posted an email that STBX sent to me about how and OW had “a plan” to become better people and handle things the right way from here on out. It was amazing how much he talked down to me like I was some sort of bottom feeder with very little intelligence– like I’d be awed by his condescending tone and amazed by how he and the OW were now mature and thoughtful people who were going to put their children first. And sickeningly enough, they want me to help promote the propaganda, talking up how lovely life with the OW and her two kids will be once STBX marries her and moves them in.
If they wanted what was best for the kids, then they wouldn’t have had an A. Period.
She had so many people to think about she couldn’t think about how her affair was affecting someone she didn’t know? The person she doesn’t know of course going to be one of those most affected. And how many people did she need to think of when sleeping with your husband?
The mind boggles doesn’t it. Who doesn’t think about the person most affected when involved in a deception?
I’m more curious about the (apparently) huge number of people she did need to think of. Did she need to think of the feelings of the mailman? The person taking the drink order at whatever resturants they ate at? Maybe she was to caught up in thinking about the model clerk to think of the betrayed spouse.
Lol! I’m thinking her family. It was an excuse of someone just so entitled and the way it was expressed just gave me a creepy feeling of someone used to getting their way, yet trying to be sweet to the pathetic people that get trampled on. Normal person wouldn’t have even said something so lame.
“I hope that’s what we all want”?? So condescending.
She sucks
I know, so maddening. What I WANTED was for her to not wreck my daughter’s family.
My favorite line she ever wrote me has to be…
“I don’t blame u at all for the way u r acting”
Aw, isn’t that nice of her? SHE doesn’t blame ME? I was really worried about that… it was keeping me up at night!!
That’s her being the better person. Don’t you recognize it? Hysterical. What a delusional whore.
oh wait, I can’t believe I forgot this one!
“I would like u to do something for me. Make him happy…”
uh WTF… it’s wrong on so many levels.
Love the text speak. You know when you have something really important to convey (like… barf… make him happy) you should use u for you. I can feel the gravitas.
yep, I felt the need to type it exactly as I was reading it… glad you noticed 🙂
I guess I really should delete those texts… but then how could I post them on days like today?!?
Someone’s been watching too many sappy films, where the one who REALLY loves him just loves him so darn much she’s willing to ask another woman to make him happy. Too funny.
yeah, namely to ask his WIFE to do something for her… I mean, in his best interests of course.
It’s weird that after finding out my husband betrayed me with another woman and lied to my face my top concern in life was not maintaining his happiness. I’m super selfish that way.
What? You mean your life doesn’t revolve around making him happy? No wonder he slept around.
My ex’s last night at home: he had spent a week or so coming and going as he pleased, telling me he’d be home around 10pm and then either not coming home until 2am or not returning at all, which would have me awake all night thinking every sound was him coming through the door. After so long with very little sleep I was pretty much delirious and going insane so I asked him to just stay in one night so I could catch up on sleep and get back to semi-normal function. Well this drove OW crazy (because she couldn’t trust him, ya know). She began texting him as soon as I hit the pillow, just random crap, whatever she could think of. Every couple minutes another text just as I was falling asleep. In one message she wrote that she hoped he was doing the “right thing”, which he explained meant that he’d better not be sleeping with his wife. Like I was that desperate to come near the thing that had been hangin’ out in her bumhole earlier that day. No thanks. I responded, through him, that if she didn’t shut up I was gonna have sex with her idiot boyfriend every time she texted. She shut up then.
Hahahahahahaha.”Like i was that desperate to come near the thing that had been hang in’ out in her bum hole earlier that day.”Hahahahah. That was the best line I have ever heard. hahahahahahahahahahah
it also explains why i will never go near my stbx husband again. hahahahahahahahahah.
I’m with Pearl… best comback!
First AP didn’t like how I visited her workplace. She said ‘she had no right to intrude on my life like that.’
Yeah. Mine said “never call me at work.”
Okay. How about you never fuck my husband? Deal?
I heard it was disrespectful to email her while she was working. I said I thought it was disrespectful to fuck my husband. She never wrote back.
The gall! She wants to talk about respect?!? There is some kind of disconnect at work here.
I know. But she’s in her 20s and thinks she has all the answers. What she’s really doing is playing at being a grownup and it’s my impression that she’s deeply scared she really fucked up and is looking to my ex to take the lead…not realising he’s a man child and all she’s going to get is lessons in how to blame other people.
I’m so glad that when I was her age I only dated garden variety inappropriate men…and stayed the hell away from losers. Until I met the ex, of course. I had no idea that serial cheaters could come wrapped up in such pretty, nice, fake-loving paper.
One sang like a bird, telling me every detail of the encounter.
Another didn’t respond to a single — might I add, very politely-worded — email asking for compassion. I probably sent about 8 in the course of 1.5 years just asking for the truth so I could move on with my life.
Did she reply? Nope. What did she do instead? Complained to the police that I was harassing her. I told the officer that perhaps he should caution her that she should not get involved with married men. And that was that.
Let me quote you some of her word salad:
“This isn’t about a marriage. This isn’t about my relationship with him. We have to look past our loving yet selfish hearts and make sure Andy is making this decision without our influence. This is about what will make Andy happy.
And what may make him happy is neither of us. I’ve known this day one of me falling for him. And I’m willing to leave him be if that is what he wants.
Can you leave him be if that is what he wants?
I don’t know how much experience you have with relationships, but letting someone go who doesn’t truly love you with their heart, mind, and soul is difficult to do. But I’ve had my share of relationships, and have seen how happy the man from a couple of my past relationships have been after I let them go, and how successful they were without me. It hurts more than I can describe.
I’ve been hurt, and I frankly doubt you have been. So when I realized I had feelings for Andy, yes, I didn’t care, because if he reciprocated, a part of him didn’t care either.
I will though step away if that is what he wants, but if he wants me, I’ll remember the day he chose me, and will never take that decision for granted .
This isn’t a fling for me. I love Andy immensely. And that is important for you to know, because if he choses you, you need to know how truly special that man is, and never take him for granted EVER AGAIN!”
What will make Andy happy is cake.
Your AP is a tool.
Wow, I feel pissed on your behalf. It’s not too far off from some of the crap I received as well.
I think saying that shit about letting him choose and that they just want him to be happy is the AP’s weird version of the pick me dance. Or something. Trying to show you and the cheater spouse how selfless they are and how all they care about is the cheater’s happiness. Unlike you, of course – the evil spouse who was making him so miserable that it drove him to cheat. And by saying that they are hoping that the cheater will pick them.
OMG, that AP is one fucked up monster. Andy deserves her and the nightmare she undoubtedly will unleash in his life or whatever other man is stupid enough to take her.
Funny how I thought this was about the 5 year old child listening to her father threaten suicide every time he came back and demanded I take let him back in my life?
I love how the AP announces she’s entitled because of how much her husband hurt her–and she’s not divorced yet, thank you *very much*!–but announces her fucking my husband isn’t hurting me.
If I could make this shit up, I’d be rich.
The b**** told me that I sounded like a nice woman that if I ever needed someone to talk to or a friend that I could call her. Yeah right, like I wanted to have whore friends.
Cinthia! I’m “nice” too!
LOL at “like I wanted to have whore friends.” 😮
Ditto CL. Laughing hysterically at “like i wanted to have whore friends.” you guys are killing it today
“You sound like a nice woman.”
That is smug condescension. You see, she sees herself as superior to you. She won, after all.
Let her have him. They deserve each other. Won’t take long before she she is ashamed of her ignorant arrogance.
The more outrageous their behavior, the worse they will feel eventually.
I’d ask her how many of her friends’ husbands she sleeps with on a regular basis, and how many she sleeps with as a one-time thing.
Second AP I impersonated my ex and texted her all afternoon and one of her favorite things to say was, “you know how I like my privacy” and “I don’t want any drama in my life.”
JBaby, love the impersonation all’s fair – and for someone who doesn’t want any drama in life – they need to revisit that.
in the day’s before we all had cells and certainly before texting, my X and I often used a pager. I traveled for work and he had a couple different office locations, and we wanted to be sure that childcare could reach us in event of emergencies… so I took the pager one day and started going thru the page history – and then decided to call the unfamiliar number, asked who was on the phone and claimed wrong number….
boy did the shit hit the fan. The AP was nervous and figured out it was likely me and as I was in the middle of the “pick me dance” he threatened to not pick me as it were if I ever contacted AP again…. how dare I interfere?
I found a little note from the AP next to the ex’s bed. At that point, he had dumped me but we were still stuck in the same house. He was sleeping in the spare bedroom.
Her darling little note said: “I can’t wait to be the one making your coffee every morning.”
She dotted the “i”s with little hearts like a junior high girl. Awww, isn’t that so sweet!
It’s weird…so many seem to fall for that jr high school stuff. It’s like they want to be back to before they were an actual grownup and just be all fluffy bunnies and googly eyes. I have no desire to go back to that. I want romance but I want romance of the grownup variety.
+1 I know exactly what you mean Nord!
We need to form a grown up romance club.
I’m in! Or at least I will be in about a year. 🙁 BS’s only?
anyone who carries a non-cheater card is welcome. My divorce is just about final but I think I’ll need some time so yeah, see you in a year.
Definitely BE&B. I like the idea of pre-dating in a safe place among friends. I would settle for an annual gathering (anywhere really but Austin’s such a cool city). I can see my name badge:
HELLO MY NAME IS
HearthBuilder
We should form a grown up “casual socializing until you are ready to date for real again” club.
We could be practice dates for each other?!
lol.
Speaking for myself, I haven’t been on a “date” in more than a decade, and I know I can’t be the only person who finds the whole idea intimidating.
yak.
Lucky you, he’s stuck with her.
One thing all the APs had in common was that they all said to my ex (when he was fence-sitting) that he had to do whatever made him happy. And if he leaned toward staying with his family, they all expressed support and told him they were glad he was making the right choice. Obviously part of his performance was immense fake-guilt, an attempt to appear noble and self-sacrificing. He looooved that kind of attention and is probably still getting it from his AP-turned-live-in-whore.
Totally agree, Jbaby. I think it’s the AP mindfuck. They sense, at some level, that their affair partner has a bad case of “you’re not the boss of me!” so they manipulate with this, oh, whatever makes you happy, sweetums, stratagem. They’re calling it! It’s all about the cheater’s kibbles. And they’re saying… oh, hey, go on, wherever the kibbles are best (aka happiness — real life responsibilities, kids, etc. are not equal to happiness). They know appealing to “happiness” is a sure win for them. They represent fantasy.
YOu nailed it, CL. Final OW (for now) played the whole ‘I don’t know what to do and I feel so bad about breaking up a family so I don’t want to be a part of these problems’. Apparently she thought she had nothing to do with any problems, even the financial ones that arose when it became glaringly apparent that two homes were going to be tough to support. Little does she know about some recent financial fuckery on his part that I just found out. She’s in for a big surprise. 🙂
Jbaby – I think so too! Said something similar to Blue Eyes & Bruises… my ex’s AP said the same kind of shit. She said it to me, and I can only assume also to him.
Once your ex is living with the AP though, she can’t sustain such selflessness for long in the face of actual real life. So he’ll be looking for the next one soon!
You’ve got that right. Young OW has been quite stroppy lately. Guess it’s not as much fun as she thought it would be, having two teenagers hanging out and no schmoopie time when they’re around.
I’ve never spoken to the OW (to my knowledge), and I hope to never do so. She and I have nothing in common, no basis on which to communicate. We don’t think alike AT ALL. I thank GOD for that–we are not on the same wavelength. Nothing I could say to her would make any sense to her.
I have had the privilege of reading her FB page, what with all it’s shared posts of quotes from the Dalai Lama, and other inane “spiritual” blatherings that appeal to someone as vapid and shallow as people like her. It’s really uncanny how so many of them do this. xH, too–they live and love a good cliche, and they comfort the nagging little voices in their empty heads with insipid, trite sayings. “Children are resilient.” “It takes two!” “You have to forgive.” They’re disgusting.
Does your AP write for HuffPo? There’s a lot of that “you have to forgive” New Agey stuff there.
Yes, there certainly is. On their Facebook page they had a quote about forgiving transforming you from a victim to a survivor. WTF. My husband can go fuck himself. I survived him walking out. I don’t need to forgive him to say that.
You should reply, “Actually it took three”, or however many ap’s he had.
When Andy’s “friends” tried to point out to me that it took two, I was able to respond, “Actually it took at least 5 over the course of 6 years. Not exactly a one-time mistake exit-affair”.
That shut them up and wiped the smug fucktards faces clean.
Oh, the smugness! I’m smug right back, because their smugness is based on complete ignorance. Whatevs, right? My best friends know right from wrong, as opposed to making their tiny little minds up based on cliches.
It takes two? Sure. I can’t keep a marriage together by myself. Lord knows I tried. It took the two of them to trash it.
The whore did me a favor. The thought of him makes me ill.
I have not had much direct communication with the OW in my case — thank God! But I have heard the stupid shit she says to my kids.
My ex and I were high school sweethearts and went to college together. We spent 7 years dating and were married 18 years. Through it, he had long term affairs (he is good at keeping secrets, it seems), that I did not learn about until our divorce. His latest OW, who he is living with now, also went to high school with us. She was a few years older than us, so I did not know her really, but my ex had some classes with her.
So, after he introduces the kids to her, one night at dinner, she says to the kids how she and my ex were soulmates and destined to be together. My kids come home and tell me this and then burst into tears –“if she is dad’s soulmate, then what about his time with you, mom? What about us? Does that mean he doesn’t really want us since they are soulmates?”
Makes me want to vomit! F’ ing soulmates, indeed!
…what a souless POS saying that to your children…..
Your kids will know what’s what with both parents, and they’ll have no doubt who was there for them, and who was chosen over them -when it’s all said and done. Most of us would like our kids to have the comfort of respecting both parents and they get robbed of that. Mine certainly did – but that’s another post.
Soulmates huh? Precious.
Current Hubby and I went to wedding 3 years ago for his long term (former) good friend, who was remarrying his AP – a girl half his age – after his wife of 20 years kicked him to the curb. (The wedding party looked like a group of lechers – all these 50 year old groomsmen escorting 22 year old women, but I digress.) The AP/new wife had been his daughters’ music tutor. Groom made these sappy “I knew the moment I met you that I’d met my true soulmate” vows – and they were both oblivious to his 14 year daughter standing up there as a bridesmaid as tears rolled down her cheeks upon hearing that.
All I could do not to walk up there and slap the shit out of both of them during their ceremony. Until that point current Hubby (has his own chump history) tried to not pass judgement. Don’t think he ever called him again after that wedding.
Lastly, it’s sad but ironic justice; the older 17 yr old daughter refused to attend the wedding and apparently went out and got picked up that night at a party as minor in possession. The ex-wife of something like 5 mintues called the lovely couple on their wedding night and said to groom, “It’s your visitation weekend, so what ever you’re doing, you need to haul your butt out, as you have to go pick her up in jail”. Heard he did.
They will be cellmates in Hell but they are too young to realize it, is what she meant to say.
What a horrible thing to say to your kids! Unbelievably selfish!
My ex and his skankfriend are soulmates, too! They “were meant to be together but we were too young to know it back then”!! Awesome!
I hope you told your kids not to believe anything that comes out of a liar’s mouth.
Yeah, and it doesn’t sound like their knowledge or beliefs about what relationships should be like matured any after high school. Butterflies! Soulmates!
I have the opposite situation… I was too young to know we were NOT meant to be.
Computers are wonderful ways to catch people in utter fuck ups and lies. It is how I learned that my husband was unfaithful and calculating in ending our 18-year marriage. More recently, it is how I discovered what a conniving, manipulative asshole he is to his children, and what a complete idiot the bimbo is, making them PERFECT for each other.
Our two teens decided to sneak out of our house, pick up a friend, drive to their father’s house, where he is living with his “co-worker, tenant” (that’s how he described his mistress of two years when he was deposed after deposing me first), her nineteen-year old daughter and occasionally, the nineteen-year old daughter’s boyfriend (that is of course, when he’s not in jail for selling narcotics). Yes folks, it’s one carnival tent away from a freak show. I can’t tell you how delighted I am that my three children have been exposed to all that and are expected to just roll with it.
So, the kids put water in the girlfriend’s daughter’s gas tank because she deliberately agreed to spy on the boys for their father. Needless to say, I found out about it.
Concerned for the kid’s safety, I called the (hopefully) STBX out of an ethical responsibility. That turned out to be a BIG mistake, but I stand by my action. Within 24 hours, I received a “Letter of Concern” from [cross-eyed bimbo homewrecker] to me, my children’s counselors (WTF!) and STBX, the “love of her life.” She wanted to assure me that she is “no stranger to the pains of divorce, having just come out of a 28-year marriage.” It read like a resume, all the way down to how fabulous she is as a parent and PRACTICING CATHOLIC! She wanted to “work with” me to heal the children’s pain” and “stop the fueled hate.”
Um, perhaps if you didn’t collude with my husband to wait until his parents died until you made your relationship “Facebook official,” the kids wouldn’t be so pissed off that you are fucking their father AND living with him with your family while he is still MARRIED to me? Just sayin.
I never responded, and received a message from STBX on Monday, telling me how I “dehumanized and hated her” because I refused to meet with both of them to discuss the “serious domestic discipline” I was supposed to administer to the kids. Oh, and that I”m an irresponsible mother. Hmmmm, they were grounded for leaving the our home in the middle of the night, and their father is making them pay for the damage to the car. As far as I’m concerned, this is between father and children. I’m out of it.
Me thinks the douchebag(s) doth project too much! And, they have clearly confused hate with my pure disgust. I could never “hate” a delusional idiot, but I can be disgusted by her unbelievably inappropriate and misguided attempt to contact me. Hate requires a lot of nurturing, and at this point, I don’t want to spend another second even caring about STBX, let alone nurture a hatred of two people who are going to implode on themselves when their lies and actions catch up to them. I just want them to stop abusing the family court system and get it over with!! The scumbag father of the year told one of our kids that between him and his bimbo, they make “six figures” and have “enough money to drag out the process” until I run out of money and quit.
Back to computers being lie detectors. Apparently, when you write a Word document, it shows the author, editor and how long the document took to write. MY STBX was the author, and his bimbo just signed it. When I found her love emails to him last June (they had been dating and planning his exit for over a year), she wrote like an uneducated dope, complete with bad grammar, malapropisms and poor sentence structure. This letter on the other hand, was crafted by a well-trained writer. Did I mention my STBX is a writer? Oh, and that they work together in the same office at a local college? And it was written at work? And it took 6 HOURS? I wonder how their human resource department would feel about that, let alone their inappropriate work relationship?
That is the end of any contact from me. I thought I was doing the right thing to let them know, and I stand by that decision. But essentially, in doing the right thing, I also gave them a shovel to bang me over the head with before trying to bury me.
I get accused of hating every so often and weirdly I don’t actually hate him. I still hate what he did but he himself? As I told him at one point, he’s simply not worth that kind of energy.
I saw him the other day for the first time in eons and I felt absolutely nothing, other than mild disgust. I didn’t get any physical response, I kind of didn’t actually even ‘see’ him. He was just this blur of a person who meant nothing. All I want is for him to live up to his financial obligations and the rest is irrelevant.
Nord, I’m getting there. I think when the divorce is actually done and I have a better idea of where I am financially with three heartbroken kids, I’ll feel as you do, too. When I hurt, it is because of what he is doing to his kids now. I accept that he cheated and dismissed me. His scumbag ways did me a huge favor. But my heart bleeds to watch him pretend his kids are a hobby.
So sorry SuckerP for your kids. Mine too have had to witness and be exposed to some really dysfunctional interactions with their father and his subseqeunt partners. I would have really liked to have split up with the kids being able to view their dad with respect and reliance. We’re adults and it’s hard enough, but at a certain age they are so aware but have far fewer emotional tools.
One of my sons (now an adult) has suffered some emotional and addiction issues that frankly I think can be fairly attriubted to some of the things that his father’s behavior exposed him to – and I’m devasted by that impact on him and it’s been really really difficult to watch and deal with. The gift that keeps on giving.
My son is 16, and wow, the ex does some astonishingly inappropriate things. Our son considers his dad a loser and knows he is a cheater, but it’s very hard for him. He loves his dad, yet hates him at the same time.
One recent event is the ex (this is the guy who quit his six-figure career to follow his “calling and destiny” of becoming an actor) insisted our son watch some videoed scene the ex had written and performed to use on his actor’s reel (basically a resume for actors, it’s little clips of their work). Son said the scene was ex lying in bed with a woman talking about all his experiences using drugs, and then a second woman in skimpy lingerie walks and and joins them in bed for a threesome.
Can you imagine showing something like this to your own 16 year old son?
I’m trying to imagine a situation in which I would be alright watching one of my parents have sex.
….
None. Teenagers, boy and girls, do start getting interested in sex around this time. Flipping through Magazines, search for pictures of skimpily dressed or naked movie stars, getting detracted by a person’s assets in class, looking for videos online… Teenagers and young adults are thinking about sex and they’re looking for it. No matter how horny I got, I cannot imagine watching a sex tape staring my dad and not trying to desperately turn it off and forget it ever happened.
Maybe he’s trying to prove to his son how good at sex Dad is or present the “see I’m cool with sex” attitude so the teen will come to him for advice about sex not Mom. More likely your kid is trying to find brain bleach.
AnotherERica – sadly, you just won’t know everything and legally you can’t control soooo much of it. Unless there’s neglect or abuse tough shit according to the courts. Hopefully, your STBX is just a run of the mill general shitty person and not a disturbed nut.
If I had to do it over again I would have severed his parental rights. I just didn’t know what was being faced and I really wanted them to have open access to their father who they loved and was more or less around for them (at least the first few years after split).
I have to say that I knew he’d always be an AHole but I seriously underesimated how fundamentally unbalanced he was… I had dealt with his alcoholiosm and narcissistic philandering but the total meltdown in conscience wasn’t yet evident until the last 7 or so years. I did get an attorney to set up complicated guardianship arrangements in the event I passed away, as ex moved out of state without notifying me. .. severing rights would have meant my 15 yr old testifying against his dad and that made me sick too.
OMG.
if you haven’t already considered or investigated it – has your son had the opportunity to work thru some of this with a professional? Asking because in hindsight I really wish I’d aggressively pursued serious counseling for my then teenage son – these types of things can come back and really run a mindf*ck on the kids long after we think they’ve worked thru it and the divorce is long over……
My youngest son copes pretty well. My oldest son is now 22 and just out of rehab and is undergoing expensive therapy – but he’s telling me things now that happened or he observed with his father’s lifestyle and it makes my skin crawl..and I’ve been divorced from his father 14 yrs. Some things I knew or partially knew, other stuff I didn’t know at the time. My son’s issues are his to deal with but I lay the fact that he turned to anthestizing himself squarely at the feet of his seriously disburbed father.
Your ex sounds scarily similar. Same book different story.
Things like, his dad’s pregnant GF moving in two days after ex’s second wife (who was a seriously wonderful person) moved out – then my kids hearing them yell at each other for a week about whether she should have an abortion or not….. (BTW 18 months later babymama filed a restraining order that my kids has pleasure to get by answering the door at their dad’s one Tgiving night, and they never saw their baby brother again).
…or going to visitation one weekend (the weekend my son was graduating from HS days later so that got spoiled) and noticing a wedding ring on dad’s finger; when son asked, ex told him “yes I got married” (Wife #3 – two years older than my son – who my kids had never met).
Ex had met her 5 days earlier – FIVE DAYS. They got married because God told them it was destiny – and they knew it was destiny because she was the checkout girl at the market and he noticed her Superman emblem tatoo when he was buying groceries and HE had a Superman emblem tattoo TOO -!!! WTF – a 45 yr old man for criss sake and “..BTW you and your brother now have to sleep on the hideabed when you’re here, beause her 3 yr old daughter (who she had at 17 by a 37 yr old man who already had 6 children) gets your room…”
Oh, and after knowing her a full week this 21 year old ‘bride’ told my then 17 and 12 yr old sons how her stepfather ended up in jail because he had taken naked pictures of her when she was 13 and she had married the father of her child so he wouldn’t get in trouble… (actually my heart broke for this girl and her daughter – I don’t know what happened to her after she finally left my ex but my kids were told by him how rotten she was).
I ran into the 2nd ex wife a couple yrs ago, and she shared that the child bride 3rd wife had called and told her things that had happened – His 2nd wife thinks he’s a total sociopath and I think she may be right.
The ex was a licensed therapist. Don’t know if he still is – I do know he couldn’t hold a job in his industry and has had to move out of state. 3 degrees under his belt (that I paid and supported family for – thank you very much) and he has lived a life that just makes me want to vomit. Case study in personality disorder coupled with substance abuse. I can believe that mental illness may be in play but won’t forgive the fact that he has the professional background and wherewithall to understand he may need to be treated. I really think he was at his best with me – which is really really a sick thought.
Now I and my current hubby – who has treated those boys as his own for 8 yrs – get to pick up the long term pieces.
This is the kind of shit that freaks me out… how even if he’s out of my life he won’t be out of my kids lives. And I can’t control the stuff that he does with and in front of them. I’ve gotten a lot better about giving up control, but I don’t know what I would do if I found out he were doing really fucked up stuff. It really is hard to trust that they’ll be a good person around the kids because they have already broken your trust and showed you the kind of person they really are.
That’s abusive, straight up. Your ex and his OW have serious boundary issues.
…Baahahahah! (Duh!)
But it’s not funny, really, exposing your 16-year-old to soft-core starring his own father. That’s REALLY inappropriate NPD behavior.
Yep, the way he manipulates the kids and then projects his shit on me, saying ‘they’ll know one day just who did what’. Erm, yes, one day they’ll know it wasn’t current OW who broke up their family but your inability to keep it in your pants, over and over again.
I have a couple that stand out. During false reconciliation, and while I was doing pick me dance, my STBX suggested some things that would help me improve myself. He said that OW had told him “I think it is ridiculous that your wife does not get ALL your kids to bed by 8:00.” (Meaning 16 year old son, 17 now.) “ALL of her kids are in bed by 8:00.” A few months ago STBX called the kids to let them know he would not be able to visit them. (Yet again) His reason? “OW’s daughter is in the hospital having her baby, and I have to stay with them right now.” OW’s daughter had just turned 13 a few weeks prior!!! The other was during one of his less than 30 minutes visits with the kids. (STBX literally has to stay on the phone with OW while visiting the kids.) When he asked OW if he could call her back 9 & 10 year old daughters overheard her yell “NO you can’t! I’m making sure those kids don’t manipulate you.” Yes lady…that is what 3, 9, 10, and 17 year old kids want to do when they get to see Dad for a few minutes every few months…manipulate HIM:(
In your post, two things jump out at me. The first is this:
“my STBX suggested some things that would help me improve myself.” I mean, the audacity of these jackasses, combined with our absolute chumpiness, that we put UP with this!!!! Thank God CL pointed out to us that this is the “Pick Me Dance.” We all did it. So weird how down we all were, even though we were matched with complete cowards. Wow.
Then this: “He said that OW had told him ‘I think it is ridiculous that your wife…'”
One uniVERSAL truth of an AP–ALWAYS. They are FULL OF SHIT. And, yet, the coward cheater cannot or will not see it. I guess it is so unbelievable that someone could be so full of shit, that there must be another explanation, so we and they go looking for it, or refuse to acknowledge it. Nobody could be that full of shit. Except that, as we have all seen, they can and they are. ALWAYS.
Stephanie you are so right! I want to go back in time to D day and smack the shit out of myself for ever listening to the idiot. What can I say, I was in absolute shock, and I honestly believed his “We were just co-worker/friends and SHE is the one who wants more. She is stalking me Lina.” LOL (Thankfully my false R only lasted about a week before I caught him.) Funny, after he was exposed all sorts of other affairs came out, and when asked about those “A lot of women at work want to be with me, I have stalkers Lina.” Yes…stalkers…They are all full of shit.
Thought of another one. Final and current OW told me, when I had to ring her and ask that she stop trying to force a meeting with my kids as they were freaking out (this was 2 months after dray) that she was still ‘really angry’ that I told her live-in boyfriend about the affair. Apparently it was wrong of me to do that and ‘ruined everything’.
Huh. She didn’t want her boyfriend to know that while he was out at a sporting event she was cooking dinner for my husband before fucking him in the bed she shared with her boyfriend? Weird.
I found out that my ex had been having “affairs” with 2 co-workers who we all thought were “family friends” for at least 17 years of our 25 year marriage. During this time, the married AP went out of her way to befriend me and our children. The “affairs” included group sex, sometimes in our home with my kids and me sleeping upstairs.
So…..after learning about the “affairs,” my then- 19 year old daughter (who was away at college at the time) was devastated, and messaged the married AP on Facebook, telling the AP that she was disgusting and that she along with my ex had ruined my daughter’s life. The AP’s response?
“Maybe one day YOU’LL meet the love of your life like I have with your father.”
Of all the things she/they did, nothing moved me to consider violence (no I know violence is never the answer) more than this deranged wacky-eyed she-man looking skank spouting off this shit to my sweet daughter. In fact, I am getting enraged just thinking about it now………..Ugh………
dont apologize I have been very close to commiting major crime when my kids were getting hurt as well…I only went as far as telling her that she best keep the kids and him apart and if you force a relationship with them I will make sure that all my time is focused on destroying her with the information I had – online porn chats , a few other things that would not have been looked upon kindly as she worked in the educational field…mhmmm yes that got her attention…and I showed her a couple dating site conversations that i had printed off that convinced her…but fuck with me all you want but dont dare dump her shit near these kids they had enough to deal with….did I mention I’m very patient?…lol
Ugh is right! Do not mess with the kids. She could have just said ” You’re right, I’m sorry” but she had to twist the knife. Enough is enough you hell hound! I should have saved that one for “h” day.
Hellhound, I like it, you’ve got class HB. I’m definitely adding that to my list!
“So…..after learning about the “affairs,” my then- 19 year old daughter (who was away at college at the time) was devastated, and messaged the married AP on Facebook, telling the AP that she was disgusting and that she along with my ex had ruined my daughter’s life. The AP’s response?
“Maybe one day YOU’LL meet the love of your life like I have with your father.””
OMG, Kelly, there are no words for what a POS that AP is. Unfuckingbelievable.
Also, my kids went on a messaging and texting rampage the first few months and really told off OW in some pretty nasty terms. She naturally boo hooed to the ex, who came down on the kids. At one point she dumped him over this stuff and he turned around and told the kids that they’d ‘ruined his life’. Yep.
Current OW said something like that to the kids. I think it was when they asked what she saw in a balding middle aged man past his prime who had jacked up his career and had no money since he was supporting two households. She said something about ‘what about love?’. My kids said ‘if it’s love we’re not seeing much of it around here’. 🙂
I’m in our local mall doing some shopping when I notice ow who proceeds to sashay right past me. I stop in my tracks, thinking that bitch isn’t going to walk past me like I don’t exist. I find her at a makeup counter and proceed to give her a good piece of my mind, while the clerk is standing there with her mouth open. After telling ow that it was really disgusting for her to be doing it with my husband IN MY HOUSE, (we had a lake house), she says “We didn’t just do it there, we went to motels too”. Like that makes it less skanky? Anyway, I made sure that the next time she sees me she will do a u-turn and flee in another direction.
I got a letter from the bitch. Boy do they feel smug when they think they’ve won.
She left her husband for my ex lickity-split, no muss, no fuss with a cheap quickie divorce (no assets). Our divorce took considerably longer (30 years married plus teenage children, and at one point she must have been fed the line that I was dragging it out hoping that she would get tired of waiting and just go away so that my husband would have to come back to the family like a lost puppy. (I actually think that may have been what he was hoping)
So, she just wanted to let me know that that was never going to happen so I should just move on with my life. Written like a cat fighting Jr. High girl. Don’t they know it’s not their brains that’s attracting these older has-been men?
That cost the ex custody right there. No problem — they just had their own! Now I know he’s just as stupid as she is. Old enough to be his own kids great granddaddy. I’m sure the kids will appreciate it when they’re old enough. (NOT — I never met a luv child who thought it was cool to be the product of two people’s infatuated fucking)
Meanwhile, MY kids are doing fine.
I think my ex was doing the same thing, dragging out the divorce, etc. So I put that to bed by finally responding to an email from her and saying ‘my husband’ whenever I had to speak of him. He went nuts and bingo, things started to move forward. I understand she didn’t realise that things weren’t moving forward due to him and went crazy. Hahahaha
That’s not the only lie she was being fed. I wonder if she’s woken up to the fact that our substantial assets were NOT the result of his income only, but a generous inheritance from my parents. As property values had bubbled, I got all my inheritance out and now collect a nice residual from the former partnership, for which she is now legally on the hook for too once they tied the knot.
I pretty much leave her alone — if figure she did me a huge favor.
Yes, there’s a few things I’m pretty sure she doesn’t know but although I did tell her about all the affairs I found out (including those that were going on while he was already involved with her – one planned meeting with another OW for the day after dray) I*m sure she doesn’t know about a lot of other stuff. She’ll find out the hard way. It should be fun to watch.
I called the OW a homewrecker.
Her response? “You don’t have a home. You live in an apartment and don’t have children. There is no home to wreck.”
It’s okay to screw someone’s husband so long as they don’t own property or have kids. Gotcha.
I bet she felt all good about how witty she was when she said that. Not only a whore but an idiot as well. Perfect. I wish them much happiness.
The OW in my case was genuinely bat shit crazy. This included writing letters to herself and to us under assorted other names/personalities.
She had been amping up her harassment efforts for about 5 months after D-day. One fine spring day, shortly after the cheater arrived home, we heard the dogs barking madly out front. We went out to investigate, and found her standing on the front lawn with a large, black plastic trash bag in her hands. She proceeded scream about what what a low-life, lying cheat Mr. Cheater was, and then started pulling items from the bag and throwing them around our front yard. Copies of the emails he had sent her, sex toys, lubes, costumes (my personal favorite – her grass skirt & coconut bra). She finally threw a heavy glass jar of lube at me and barely hit my head. I had already called the police, and they blocked her from leaving the drive, but Mr. Cheater told them not to arrest her, since her driver was a young stripper who had brought along her 3 year old daughter. Can’t make this shit up.
Anyway, a few days later we were treated to a “copy” of a letter one of her “friends” had sent to another “friend” describing the scene on our front lawn. She described herself (OW) as “looking like Vanna White – standing so proudly declaring her truth”. Seriously – that is her highest aspiration – to be Vanna White? As we say in the South, bless her heart!
Coconuts and grass skirt for the win!
That ensemble was my fav, too CL!
OMFG. Vanna White?! Wow, she must have rode the short bus.
Apologies in advance, mcjj – but I can seriously see a Lifetime movie here! You’ve painted a scene with all the elements of despair, anger, fury, humility, degredation, shock… and somehow, post even humor.
We need some kind of abbreviation for the disclaimer: OK, I know it was painful at the time, and I don’t mean to insult or devalue you, but I hope you know that for me, reading how your wrote this here, now; this is some seriously funny shit! 😉
Moda I agree, mcjj you post was SO fabulously funny! I almost spit out my ice tea all over the computer- Lifetime movie indeed!!!
(note to self… use the damn ieSpellCheck…)
That was supposed to say “post event humor”
OMG! That is so bizarrely hilarious and creepy! “Declaring her truth”?? Wow, is your ex still getting down with her? She sounds like the type likely to cut his bojangle off when he eventually cheats on her.
‘The Truth’? Was she channeling Leann fucking Rimes? I hear this shit sometimes. ‘It’s your opinion, Nord’ or ‘That your version of the truth’. Well, no, it’s not my version, it’s the actual truth: ex fucked around a lot and I had no clue. End of.
I think all soon to be ex-husbands should be gifted copies of the movies “Dream Lover” and “Fatal Attraction”. And all betrayed wives should be caught with an internet copy of the Betty Broderick story on their computer. They’re all paranoid anyway — may as well go for the jugular.
Here are two gems (or droppings) of wisdom I was told:
1. “I can’t just leave – I’m in too deep”
Yes, because screwing your former teacher for a year provides much more connection than almost 15 years of marriage, two kids, buying/selling a starter home, and emotional support through the sickness/deaths of STBX’s parents.
And, from an email:
2. “Yes, I got involved with (STBX), he chased me. I kept away until he kept pushing. I didn’t pick him, he chose me! Yes 18 years (how long STBX and I had been together) is a lot, I guess not to (STBX), he screwed you over.”
Of course, what could she do? How could she not succumb to the temptations of a middle-aged married father of two, who used to be her teacher and who apparently gets involved with former students every five years or so? They’re living together (ah joy!) so who’s screwed over now?
Really,
Your ex may get in trouble for this. I’ve known of two cases where teachers had students with whom they had had affairs come back to haunt them years and years later. That said, if your ex waits until after they’ve graduated, he can probably get away with it.
You are better off without him.
Hang in there.
I can finally see him for what he is, and you are correct – I am better off without him.
Thank you – I’ve gotten more lasting emotional support from everyone here at Chump Lady than I ever did from STBX.
WEird, isn’t it, when we finally really see them for who they are? NOt the sparkly love of our lives/best friend/most perfect person for lucky, lucky us. Instead we see manipulative assholes who don’t give a shit about anyone but themselves. Hell, even with current OW it’s still all about him when he talks about their relationship. The man really does love himself quite a lot.
For what I have seen proof of, the STBX’s sides were over 18. But then again, I only know of the ones he told me about, and he has told me that he lied to me over the years (that “it was easier to lie and keep the peace” in his words).
Yes, because had I found out after the (supposedly, from what I was told) first affair, with someone who may or may not have been underage, I would have left him right then and there. No reconciliation. No negotiation. Nothing.
But he waited to spring this on me (yes, I was completely in the dark) once his “soulmate” urged him to because as she put it, “it wasn’t right for (me) not to know”. Oh, how thoughtful of both of them! STBX for waiting until I had a son (he has the traditional thing going on) and financially we were finally in a good place; and the OW for being so concerned about me that she insisted he tell the truth. To echo some of the other posts here today, she wasn’t so concerned for me that she stopped herself from getting involved with a married man in the first place; she was just concerned that I know.
Well, I know now. And what I don’t know about the affairs he had/has/will have I don’t want to know and I don’t need to know. The divorce should be final in 47 days, and in just slightly under nine years, once my youngest turns 18, I will finally never have to see, hear, or talk to STBX again. Yes, I’m counting the days.
Yes, the ‘it was too strong to ignore’ thing. What chaps my ass is that all the years of struggle I went through with him she will probably bypass because he’s a successful guy. My only hope is that once I get my career back on track (it’s starting to happen, by the way!) and no longer need support from him that he loses his job and/or cheats on her. Then we’ll see if she’s into him as much when the big struggles come, with the added bonus of two growing kids who cost lots of money.
You sound rather like me in my situation. Yes, he’s prominent in his field now and making big bucks and has a big ego, but I had him when he was in his prime and much more fun to be with. He made a better father then too.
I get to miss all the older man ordeals — the first thing that happened after he moved out to play house was he needed a colonoscopy (dx: internal hemorrhoid) I occasionally remind him that karma’s a bitch, and what will probably happen is she’ll cheat on him. It freaks him out. I think he’s terrified of spending his golden years alone.
Yep, I got the golden years, the years where he had hair, where he had the energy for sex all the time, the fun, pre-kid times, the travel, the building a life without worry or shit hanging over us like, oh, say, the pesky ex wife and the kids hanging around.
She, at her very young age, gets a middle aged man with two kids and a very smart exwife who is getting her mojo back bigtime and who won’t take any shit. She is known as teh woman who came into the family. He has no friends to speak of, his family is back with their noses up his ass and they don’t much like her (they adored me until I went public with everything), the family bitches to my kids about what they think of her (which is wrong but still makes me laugh), she might possibly be seeing that he’s not all that and a bag of chips and his career has stalled somewhat.
Meanwhile my stock is going up and while he may have kids with her (which would be awesome since he never wanted more and was so happy to be out of the baby stage) I won’t have more kids and as my kids get older I get all that grownup time to do grownup things.
The best part? He kind of HAS to make it work with her to ‘prove’ he isn’t a total dickhead. But the man won’t be able to do it and it’s going to be fun to watch him jack up his life again.
yep, xzactly.
Mine decided to start going to church so that he could be seen a setting a good example. Nobody was supposed to find out about the affair until after the divorce was over. Now, he’s got to keep going……. got to provide an example of a healthy relationship for our kids……. (that’s not too going well)
Word gets back…….they fight in ways we never dreamed of. I never liked nagging so I just let him be a slob when he wanted to……..hahahaha — his slave driver is 20 years younger than him. She’s gonna kill him for sure. And before she does, he’s sure gonna miss me. Careful what you wish for, asshole.
Yes, apparently he tries to do with her all the stuff he did with me, even taking her to the same restaurants, etc. (actually, that stopped when I told him to grow an imagination). When he has the kids they do the same stuff we did as a family except she’s there, not me. Drives the kids batty. Makes me laugh.
He’s going to end up in the same situation, mainly because he’s not changed, learned or grown from this hellish mess. It’s still all my fault that he ‘had’ to cheat and he still sucks with his money.
🙂
Big ego as in seriously, seriously messianic. He divorced me because that’s God’s will and judgment upon me. LOLz. That infatuation neurochemistry must be some head trip.
I’ll post as soon as it happens. I haven’t had the pleasure of meeting Her Royal Whoreness, but I’m sure that she’ll be stupid enough to think that we can some day have a conversation and put our differences aside for the sake of the kids. I imagine she’ll attempt some kind of contact in the near future if she’s as dumb as my STBX is. He’s really out in left field as far as his behavior is concerned, so I imagine that she’s as deluded a looney toon as he is.
Skanky whore said she cared about him too much to let him go once she found out he was married. I guess she thought I’d be touched by the power of their love. Not so much. Go fuck yourself.
” It was bigger than both of them”
Of course it was. It always is. Well, it should be interesting to see how big it is when his true self fully emerges and she realises she wasted her younger years on a serial cheating loser. From what I hear his old self is starting to come out and she’s already getting stroppy. Sigh. Poor thing. At least I got his young, hot years.
Yes, it was too strong to ignore. Well, once that fucking like bunnies infatuation stage wears off they’re just going to be two assholes with little in common and a whole host of problems due to their bad reputations. The ex still bitches that I ruined his reputation. It’s bizarre, almost like I was there inserting his penis into various women. Oh, no, wait, I wasn’t. I was home with my kids doing nice things for my family.
Mine took out a restraining order…for harassment (by *me*) in a state where I had and still have never been…and will never go! Lawyers did say there was an interesting question of jurisdiction, therefore.
In the end, (after several thousand dollars in legal fees) we got a settlement constraining her from any contact with me or character, and vice vera, by any means, electronic, via 3rd parties or otherwise. Which is a good thing, since she turns out to be a bonafide bunny boiler. I pulled her (public, 3 year long) divorce records. Wow those depositions make for some interesting reading…. she slept with ALL kinds of people she waren’t married to–seems to have had a special kink for ministers (she’s a “kurschun” type of self-forgiving Christian, amirite?). Best part– she made up a stalker who left notes on her car, in her own handwriting.
Yeah, crazy as a loon. I’m glad we are (meaning me & my kid) legally protected from her. The character can have her if he so chooses. I pointed out, it took me 2–two– Google jumps to figure all this out about her. geeze.
But yeah, when I told her to get lost, she actually had the brass ones to take me to court for harassment…. delusional, no kidding.
Damn – if your OW isn’t my OW, then they are separated at birth twins. Especially the notes to self as a stalker.
As I said earlier – mine had lots of different “personalities”. Although I never figured out if she had a genuine multiple personality disorder or just made this shit up as part of her harassment campaign. She lived with her elderly, sickly mother and had a son and his wife living nearby with her grandson. Apparently she had lots of blackmail on them that she used to keep them close. The stripper chick with the young child that she used to drive her to our house was also a blackmail victim. They were in a nursing program together, and apparently the stripper had a history of drug abuse that would prevent her getting a license if it came out, and OW used that to keep her in line.
During her harassment phase she sent us a certified letter that was 2 1/2 typed pages,
single spaced, from an “attorney in Michigan”. She was always threatening to sue us, although for the life of me I couldn’t figure out what the basis of her lawsuit would be. I found the attorney letter hilarious though. She tried to use lots of big words and legalese that she didn’t quite know how to use, and of course couldn’t spell. By this time I already recognized all her stock phrases. The funniest part – the letter was postmarked from her itty bitty town in Alabama and included his cell phone number to reach him. We would need that because he was on his way to Washington, DC and could not be reached at his office (I assume that would be the hand typed letterhead) in Michigan for the next few weeks while he tried the very important case in DC. Of course just for grins I googled both the office address (didn’t exist) and the name (also didn’t exist).
At least when we finally got law enforcement involved – it took 2 1/2 years – and they seized her computers, she cheerfully and proudly confessed to making it all up and being the author of everything. Kind of sad really – she truly has no friends, and even her family can’t stand her.
My life is full of strange premonitions that become truths. I’ve learned to listen to them. This was one I knew was an absolute truth.
My first clue that my ex was cheating was when I discovered his activity in my cell bill. He lied and denied. I used an online service to get all her data, kept that info to myself, and I thought I might catch him red-handed. Fast forward about 4 weeks to more lies, a couple of more clues, and Fuck That Shit I’m Out Of Here.
So, a couple of weeks later and a girl friend and I are on our way home from shopping one night when she stops and a convenience store for cigarettes. As we’re walking in the store, she remarks about the “strange looking” clerk, and a black wave goes through my system from top to bottom, and I knew.
Standing at the counter with my friend, the clerk’s back to us, I touch my friend on the arm and whisper “That’s her.” Now, mind you, I have never seen this woman before in my life. Never seen a picture of her. But I knew. She turns around, sees me, looks away, and begins to tremble. This bitch can barely speak as she asks my friend what she needs and completes the sale.
I never took my eyes off her. She never looked at me again. My insides were screaming, as if to say, “Warning! Evil! Run!” Just to make matters worse for her, I ordered another pack of cigarettes for my friend, slowly took out my wallet for the money, slowly pulled out the cash, etc. I never said another fucking word.
Weird how our gut tells us stuff that we have no real proof of but end up being right. I had a couple of those after I found out about the serial cheating. Some incidents between me and ex came back to me and I suddenly was like ‘wow, you were fucking so and so’ and he was so shocked he admitted it and wanted to know how I found out.
Then again, he says I act like he cheated all the time and it wasn’t like that, meaning the 6 or 7 affairs I actually learned about weren’t all that bad or something.
“…he says I act like he cheated all the time and it wasn’t like that, meaning the 6 or 7 affairs I actually learned about weren’t all that bad or something.”
Mine said almost the same thing. Really!? It’s like being a vegetarian between the meals.
Wow. YOurs said that as well? My ex acts like it was not a big thing because there were periods where he was ‘good’. Apparently if things weren’t fantastic at home he saw this as an invitation to chase other women and not be home as much. I thought things weren’t great at home because he was ‘working’ so much. Kind of a chicken and egg situation for him. For me it’s ‘dude, your chasing other women would absolutely make our marraige more difficult’. What a twat.
That’s reassuring, isn’t it? Yeah, looking back on it, I have little doubt there were at least 2 or 3 more over the 15 years. If I had paid closer attention to my hinky alarms, maybe more; and maybe I would’ve been out sooner. Damn!
Now that I think abt it, that really doesn’t fit the topic so well, but it’s all I had.
Hey Moda – I have definitely. Absolutely. Positively. Felt that. She knew I knew too. Crazy huh?
It is. Glad I’m not the only one. People sometimes don’t believe my stories, so I don’t tell just everyone. Thanks!
I never talk about it either! It’s like you get a hot flash or something and all of a sudden YOU KNOW. I used to think I was crazy but I never doubted that I was right. Wow, Thanks to you too!
I have never met the OW. I am told she “feels terrible” about breaking up my marriage. After much reflection this is perhaps not entirely true. Obviously my husband was unhappy and she just snuck right in and fed him ego kibbles. I have begun to focus less on her and more on the pr—k my husband has become.
They all feed the ‘I feel terrible’ line to the cheating spouse, because then the cheating spouse can feel like the AP is not such a bad person. My ex told me the exact same thing ‘she feels really terrible’. Of course she does. So terrible she kept fucking him, even when my kids were out of their minds with grief.
I got the same line from my husband, letting me know that his AP “felt really bad” about the affair. I think he really believed that bullsh**. Of course, it was just the AP’s way of making herself not look so bad. Because she didn’t feel bad at all. She kept right on texting my husband, meeting up with him, and fucking him. The fact that he couldn’t see through her phony guilt was mindboggling.
Not all. I never got the “I feel terrible” line. Just the opposite.
She kept insisting that the affair was all my fault and I had ruined her life and her 80+ year old mother’s life by driving the cheater out to prey upon innocents like herself. While it’s true they met through an online dating service, I’m pretty sure she was looking for married men. Her father had been a cheater – dragged his mistress across a couple of states and kept her for years. Then her ex had been a cheater. I think she flipped and just wanted to wreak vengeance on cheating men. Told mine that she would “ruin his life” if he ever left her. Did a damn good job of it, too!
McJJ
WTF? All your fault? All YOUR fault??? I’m mind boggled here. They are some really sick people out there aren’t there?
Exactly. I saw an email from the AP to ex NPD fucktard and she wrote how bad she felt about being a “homewrecker” and hurting me and our son. Yeah, I guess she didn’t feel THAT bad, because she sure kept right on fucking my husband. She knew me, we were acquaintances. Had played tennis together, I’d gone to her home for dinner, helped her dog rescue, given advice to her on homeschooling her autistic kids.
He actually gave her conditions for their affair. I saw his email to her stating them. Keep in mind this woman was married with two little autistic boys under the age of five. My ex wrote to her that for their affair to continue, she:
1. Had to spend one weekend day/night with him each week
2. Had to get her own cell phone that her husband had no access to
3. Had to meet him for dinner at least once during the week
Whether or not she met these conditions, I don’t know. Their affair eventually fizzled out as far as I know, though I suspect he at least tried to get her back later.
Never met or spoken with the affair partner but my understanding is he’s dumber than rocks and has trouble with compound sentences.
Sooo it’s a safe bet that everything that comes out of his mouth is “stupid shit”.
I told her “You are the load your mother should have swallowed.”
Hahahaha…that is so brilliantly rude!
Where I come from, the worst thing you can call a person is a “TWOS”
Total Waste of Sperm
Now, that’s a new one on me.. and I’ve been around for a while. I like it!
C. Rex I had to read that twice to get it; but when I did I actually snorted. There are some funny posts today and it feels so good to laugh at something that is so awful.
So here I go…will try and make it as short as I can but…..there are several “parts/participants” to this sewer he dragged me into. Hope it makes sense.
#1 – The letter with some explanations in ( )’s.
Toni,
“You don’t know me (Yes I do, She lives on the streets, is an alcoholic/addict and over the years I tried to help her with, food, clothing support in reuniting with her parents, etc.), but we have a couple of things in common, Kim and our husbands.” (she’s not married, see above)
“6 months ago I caught my husband cheating with that skank. He was buying her drugs so he could have sex with her. (Blahblahblahblahblah..etc) I broke it up (blahblah..etc) But unfortunately that made her set her sights on your husband, (more blahblah)
I’m sorry I have to be the one to tell you this and that you have to find out this way but us girls need to stick together, and you deserve to know. I just wanted to warn you about that homewrecking crack whore. I hope you can make things work out, like my and my husband did.”
#2 Translation – he told me who wrote this (Virginia) and when I said in shock…”You F’d her too??!!” He answered, “No, that was when you and I were first together…years ago” and I said “So the girl I saw you with this morning on my way to work was Kim?” He says “No, that was Tish”.
I am not making any of this up, although I can bet you all here on CL are the only one’s that aren’t shocked at this shit.
Also he was still living with me – my Controller at work read the letter, then I see him with some chick in his truck on my way to work???
Oh and I did not change any names because none of them were innocent.
I threw him out, a 2 month ordeal, he moved into a homeless shelter with Tish, but then had to leave her because she lied to him about doing drugs……
So, it’s not exactly dumb shit the OW ‘said’ it’s ALL the dumb shit that was written, said by by ALL of them that I’m still trying to recover from because you see all the times he wasn’t home I thought he was working. For 12 years.
NC are the two most beautiful letters in the alphabet to me…but any wonder my head is so F-d up? :/
I had multiple affair partners to deal with and yep, I thought he was working his ass off all those years. HOw dumb could I be that only he worked late at teh office all the time. Seriously, do you know how dumb I feel?
We’ll get through this. NC is the best thing in the world.
God I hate the gullibility aspect of this. It certainly doesn’t help to feel like a fool on top of everything else. Even worse, the “I should have seen…” part is intrinsic to the BS. It’s something we could or should have done differently. If you’re like me, those are the things that really gnaw at you in the sleepless hours. I keep telling myself that there’s an innocence that allows us to trust and that’s a good thing. We tend to judge other people and predict their behaviors in the context of our own character; so Nord the way I see it, the more you feel like a fool, the more beautiful of a person you are.
Awww…thanks Hearth. You made me feel a bit sniffly. 🙂
I was too trusting because it just simply never occurred to me that anyone could behave that way outside of a soap opera. Real life and acting like that? How? How do you live with yourself? How can you actually act that way? It’s absolutely astounding to me still and yes, I do have those moments at 4am when I wake up and I think ‘why didn’t I see?’. It’s hard but you know what? I’m going to be a little less blind but I am hopeful I’ll find a man who deserves the trust I have to offer and who honours it.
I struggle quite a bit with shame. I am embarrassed and ashamed at how easily the monster fooled me for so many years. Married 20 years and he fucked hundreds (he admits to hundreds so I figure it’s probably around 1000) of men and I’m not entirely sure how many things with women up until the two affairs at the end. When I think of how incredibly easy it was to fool me, I’m really ashamed. I realize the shame belongs to HIM, and I shouldn’t feel bad about trusting my husband, but God, it was so easy for him. He was a salesman, so he didn’t have a punch-a-time-clock kind of job. He had long, irregular hours and was out on the road, so it was so easy for him to visit the gay bathhouse and suck some guy’s dick in the steam room or get boned himself.
Anyway, now I look back at all those, “I’m working late tonight” and “Just have to go into the office for a few hours on Saturday” and the unbelievably lame excuses that I believed and I want to hang my head at my own stupidity. The only thing I can say in my own defense is my ex is an UNBELIEVABLY good liar, a sociopath and his manipulation skills are impeccable. He fools most everyone and he fooled me with ease. The worst part is knowing the contempt he must have felt for me, how he had to be laughing inside at my gullibility. I realize he absolutely hated me and that is a hard pill to swallow.
GladIt’sOver,
Please, please believe me when I say the guilt will fade. I don’t know why we feel it but I know I had the guilt really bad. I didn’t even want to set foot out of he house or look my neighbors in the eye. And when I did I cried. And cried. Lucky for me my neighbors starting avoiding me because they were afraid for awhile there they would get stuck with me crying again.
I don’t even know the extent of what he did and I don’t want to . I can’t even imagine how you are getting by and I admire you and appreciate how you have been here for the rest of us.
Besides the guilt I was struck by what you said about him hating you. I know my X hates women in general, and for a long time, I’m sure me in particular. I think that what a lot of what he was trying to do, get back at me. Because you know what? The person he REALLY hates is himself.
I finally figured out his rage and hatred towards me were really about himself. He can’t face up to that fact that he royally fucked up a lot of lives so he has to project all those nasty feelings on to someone and that someone is me. Unfortunately for him I simply don’t care anymore. I think he’s a silly, silly person and I know now, after seeing him several times recently after a long time of not seeing him in person that I make him really uncomfortable and I like it. We were together for 20 years, we have two kids and he literally hates my guts because I found out about all his affairs. And he won’t be in the same room as me…or wouldn’t. Tht seems to have changed. He asked to stop by later this week to see something one of the kids had done. I didn’t even answer. NO way is his skanky ass darkening my doorstep.
HB, beautifully said, brought tears to my eyes. We were innocent and loving, and that is why evil could take such advantage of us. And I do now believe that evil people exist, and that we were married to such soulless creatures. But I hope we chumps don’t completely lose our innocence and trust, because without those qualities I don’t believe we can truly and wholly love again.
I learned that from you my dear sweet friend.
I believe it Moda! And fuck her. Bybthe way, I have had those kinds of “insights” all my life about everyone other than my ex. Funny how that works! 🙂
Oops sorry HB, something wacked out on my computer. This post was for Moda above.
I meant to post to you the following:
🙂
Toni –
OMG, All I can say is “STD testing, anyone?” Hey, I had the full battery of tests after I found out my ex had cheated with that skank he denied fucking, but referred to as a crack whore.
These narcs and their loves are VERY image-sensitive, so there is a lot of gyrating going on as they try to pretzel-twist the situation so that they come out looking human to others in the community. Among the rationalizations is a common one: It was true, passionate love and we just couldn’t resist! Of course, the question is NOT that they could not have resisted, but that, if this true love were truly the case, that they should have been transparent about it. In any case, CL has this right. The moral doublespeak that this topic raises simply amazes. And yet, there is one truth in all this. No one would want to be involved with folks who could say such imbecilities or with their partners.
CL, another breakthrough. You have a knack for finding the right raw nerve.
One thing I read in one of my many books on narcissism was a chapter called “the fusion delusion.” It basically said that the narcs live in an infantile, delusional world where they idealize then demonize their partners. I doubt that many of the leave-takers will wind up happy. Since the problem is them, they will carry their problems forward with them. Meanwhile, Chumps walk proudly toward “Meh,” guided in part by the courageous CL.
Your Continued Admirer,
Chump Son
David, absolutely awesomely profound!
Thanks Nord and Kelly. Those are very kind words. Much appreciated.
I had the privilege of observing narcissism in close relations and in the abandoning father/cheating husband of a friend. Of course, examples abound throughout our society, too. In the case of the friend, I heard it on a reliable source that the OW had complained that “it’s been hard” for her. After all, the community is so utterly judgmental when she breaks up someone another woman’s marriage where there are multiple kids! The poor thing! (NOT!!!)
But back to my point, these folks — the narcs and their fling-things — are very sensitive and image-conscious, so they need to hide somewhere. The irony, of course, is that narcs themselves often are very judgmental. So, the abandoning hubby narc, for example, may have a history of denouncing others for various alleged flaws. But then when the spit (or some other substance) hits the fan, and the new relationship becomes public, they (the narc running off and the new partner) have to invent an elaborate camouflage, a plumage really, to rationalize what they have done. So, to them, it’s all a struggle so they can be their inner selves. Society is narrow-minded. Passion overwhelms, etc. ad nauseum.
Now, I’m not saying that folks can’t change their minds about a marriage. But, here again, the answer would be to say to your partner, “This isn’t working for me,” and to move out. Then the response would be to be generous and flexible (and apologetic) in ending it. The departing, wandering narc should not be looking at the kids and saying, “See how happy I am….” He (or she) should be saying, “I understand how angry/hurt you are.” And the narc would have to say that and act on it. Of course, in the cases described here, that doesn’t happen. CL nails it. The ego-kibbles, the fun of secrecy/sneaking around, the rebirth of passion in intrigue, the newness, etc. are all too much fun.
So, these folks with the the stupid things are really just twisting in the moral wind. Their incoherent, inappropriate and frankly weird, weird statements are just brief stops on the road to “Meh,” that CL has described. In fact, let’s call it “The Road to Meh,” and give it the quality of a long, painful but necessary and ultimately good journey, almost a mythic odyssey. [My apologies if this has already been done.] I’m not kidding. It’s a long road, but a good one. Along the way, we chumps lose some of our illusions, but we get a lot smarter and, in the end, we’ll invest our nice qualities more carefully in the future. We will still give to charities, volunteer in the soup kitchen, and help a lost kid in the store find her/his Mom. And we’ll meet some nice people along the way, since we’ll be far less likely to be distracted by the sparkles of the kind of shallow fireworks that the narcs fire off. Live and learn, as they say.
Chump Son
“The Road to Meh”
I hope you are a writer David, again, that was amazing.
And I am definitely traveling down that road thanks to all my chump pals.
Well, I’m working on the writing thing. CL is an inspiration. She is a great writer, and she is building this awesome liberation-vocabulary that is psychological but not/not/not cold, clinical and distant. Think of: ego-kibbles, the humiliating dance of “pick-me,” untangling the skein of fuckedupedness, etc. She has done a lot of thinking and has this figured out.
But thanks for the compliment. Am working on the writing thing, mostly on other topics. Last thing I wrote was on military-political strategy, which, come to think of it, is not irrelevant at all for this forum!
Chump Strategy. Machiavelli for Chumps. Hmmmmm. Might be something there……
All well said and the one thing that stands out is the AP saying ‘it’s been hard’ or having the cheater say that about their AP. My ex said that to me, that it’s been ‘really hard for AP’. yes, I can imagine having your parents, when you’re barely out of uni, know you’ve not only been fucking a married guy behind your live-in boyfriend’s back but that you were sending sexy pictures of yourself to said married guy. And that your live in boyfriend found out he was living with a slag.
Poor thing, she must feel really bad about all this and why is eeryone so judgemental??? Can’t they see that this is TRUE LOVE???
God, I can’t wait until my serial cheating ex starts screwing around again. He was cheating on me with her AND with other women right up to the day I found out. Yet current/final OW thinks it is a) not true and b)it won’t happen to her.
I don’t want him back but I don’t want that slag in my life or my kid’s lives for any longer than she has to be. My one fear is that they’ll both stick it out just to prove something, and that means I have to see her for the rest of my life here and there. Fuck me. Just let her find someone her own age.
YOu are so right about the idealise and demonise thing. I was the greatest thing ever for years, even when he apparently was having other affairs. They were just outlets or something but ‘didn’t mean anything’. Then I went through a very rough patch after a few years of upheaval and whoops, he found his soul mate! As soon as he did I started to get a lot of criticism and weird anger and after I threw him out? NOTHING I did or even do now is anything but crap to him, while the young thang is the GREATEST THING SINCE SLICED BREAD. There is no in between, there is no ‘warts and all but I love her’ approach. But even now, when he’s sparkling for her he still makes fun of things about her.
He won’t be happy. He’ll never be happy. Because no one will be perfect in just the way he needs them to be perfect and no one can shine like a sparkler forever.
Yuck.
I should add that now pretty much everything I did while we were together for 20 years is now devalued. All those years of how great I was and now it seems he thought I was awful the whole time. It’s pretty sick, to be honest.
Nord, the same here. For twenty years the ex said I was his best friend, he was happy, he would never want a divorce. Once he dumped me, it changed to he never loved me, never should have married me, felt no passion for me ever, we had nothing in common and leaving me was the best thing he could possibly do for our family.
Oh, he says he loved me and that we had all those great years together but my anger destroyed all those good feelings. You see? It’s my fault. Again. Whatever, dickhead.
“I don’t regret it.”
“I’ve learnt so much from him sexually.”
“Remember when you were young and in love. That’s how we feel now.”
All said with a straight face.
Irris,
Amazing. All unbelievably stupid comments from this person. But what’s most interesting is that all this sounds like the “fusion delusion,” like a person who knows that this is a crack high that isn’t going to last, but can’t help but indulge anyway.
The comments are very telling about the person’s (lack of) character, maturity and perspective. Very infantile. You are good to be gone.
Thank you. I think she is borderline and narc. He dumped her right after DDay and she was completely shocked.
Surprise, surprise…. Character (or lack thereof) is very consistent.
As a contribution to the topic, I know of one cheating Dad narc who, after abandoning his family (wife and multiple kids), simply couldn’t understand why his kids didn’t embrace is new love. He said, “Can’t they see how happy I [now] am?”
This was after he’d ripped out the kids’ old bedrooms to create a new master bedroom for himself and his new, younger partner.
This is the kind of thing that says it all. It’s all about me. Well, I say, goody for you and congrats to the people who get away!
Ugh, David… that is what STBX has done, to an extent. Not only did he take the large bedroom that our sons used to share and banish them to the smaller, back bedroom so that he could have the huge one for himself and OW, but now her son and daughter will be moving in and sharing my kids’ bedrooms (which are already fairly small… but now three boys will be in that back bedroom). My kids are little and don’t see it now, but he’s made it very clearly who is important in the house– the cheaters. They are expecting the five kids to put up and shut up, happily going along with the insta-family they’ve created.
MovingOn,
I’m sorry about that. But I’m glad that your moving on! I think the architectural choices of these n-characters says a lot about their (lack of!) character. It’s also interesting — to repeat a point I made earlier (below) — just how primitive and patterned these characters are.
I also believe that there are men who lack “paternal instinct.” They just don’t have “Dad” in them. (I’m sure this affects n-women, too, but I’m focusing on what I know/what I’ve seen.) To these n-guys being a father is a source of privilege, not a responsibility. They essentially think of kids as clones, often with Dad bonding with a son at the expense of daughters. (Again, I’m following the lines I know, not excluding n-women from pulling stuff like this.) For them, parenting is a form of non-laboratory cloning. But as the kids grow up and become more complex — as the football player’s son decides he loves violin, for example — they can’t handle the changes. (Often, the narc-father or n-father looks like a good Dad when the kids, particularly the favored child, is very young because that’s when n-Dad can mold the young kid according to his self-replicating fantasies.) Adolescence is too much. “What! You dare to have a thought of your own!!!” I think that explains the room-destruction that takes place in this example and the one I sighted. These n-Dads also deeply resent having to work to support a family that is not completely obedient. Finally, when they hit their midlife crises, they look elsewhere for the ego-kibbles that CL so well defines.
Anyway, it’s cheap, primitive, patterned and tawdry. And it’s best to escape.
Hang in MovingOn. You are heading in the right direction. “Meh” is just ahead!
Christ, you just described my ex. He is so pissed he has to support me. He says he’s happy to support the kids but whenever they need anything he says ‘take it out of what I give you, Nord.’ Erm, dude? Not much left out of what you give me. Thank god I’m getting my career back on track. I’m probably going to be poor for a long, long time but at least I won’t have his financial fuckery hanging over me.
Some guys just don’t have paternal instinct, or “Dad,” in their DNA. They hit mid-life, see that the end is approaching, and decide they have to grab what fun they can. It’s an empty and stupid choice, since we are all only here temporarily, and our close relations and especially our children are the only ones who carry part of us onward.
But they don’t see it that way.
You have great insight here. I might add that these guys can be identified ahead of time (I didn’t know this, unfortunately) by examining their relationship with both their mother and father. My ex dissed his mother as being stupid, and couldn’t stand to be in the same room as his father. What that got me was no in-law troubles as we moved far, far, away, but I should have realized there was a reason he felt that way about his folks. Seriously abused in childhood.
Chumpalicious,
This early-identification thing is very important. Sometimes we chumps get sucked in because we feel sorry for someone because of their “tough childhood.” In fact, the person may well have had a tough childhood, but the issue is two-fold:
1. Has the person recovered from the tough childhood, or did they adapt to that experience by developing narcissistic defenses that are now permanent scars, perma-scars on their psyche.
2. Remember, Chumps, we are not counselors/psychologists. We are just people. Don’t take on too much. The same goes true for people with addictions.
Now, I’m not saying that good people can’t recover, but we have to know that they have recovered. Narcissists get through tough situations by building a hard egotistical shell. They also may have a sob story to tell, and it may be true! But chumps, nice guys/nice girls, have to be careful and observe how they behave and not try to save such people if they’ve chosen the narc route.
Yes, the ex bangs on a lot about his happiness, as does OW. Whatever. I’m pretty happy myself and I got here without crushing my kids.
“I’m pretty happy myself and I got here without crushing my kids.” That’s a great line Nord. I’d love to text that to my husband but I’d get the same response that I always get about anything to do with how our children are doing/handling the divorce.
ohhhhh very much all about them…everything they do is contained in that little bubble they live in.
Meant to say “his new love” in the above post. Not “is.” Apologies!
Sometimes one gets emotional even typing these things.
Here. An entire article about stupid things.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tammy-nelson-phd/never-say-this-to-a-frien_b_3155847.html?utm_hp_ref=divorce&ir=Divorce
Oo, here’s a good one from the one I caught red-handed:
“I really love him, and I think that you should move on so we could be happy. I’m so sorry you’re hurting. I care about you and I didn’t mean to cause you pain.”
This was said by the AP.
Yeah, I did need to move on. But not so those f*cks could be happy, so I could be happy. For MY sake. Not hers. Or his. Or anyone else he f*cked.
Oh, she also gave me some long-assed diatribe sob-story about all her health issues and her dad’s health issues. I was thinking, what, are you telling me your life story because you think it makes your slutting-around valid? Like you deserve SOMEONE ELSE’S boyfriend? Boo-hoo. Kiss my ass.
He also tried to tell me that she didn’t know about me, but that sure as hell wasn’t what she told ME.
Love it.
Andy’s AP told our daughter that she loved me and considered me “family”.
Keep in mind she’s never met me, and the few times we could have met, she put her head in her lap and hid her face.
I wanted to ask her how many of her brothers-in-law she screws on a regular basis, as opposed to a one-night stand?
The AP emailed me once. She had been a family friend, so I guess after she heard that I discovered the affair, she felt comfortable emailing me (barf). She said some really idiotic, insensitive things, but probably the worst were:
1. “I have said from the beginning for [ex] to figure his situation out and that I strongly supported him if that decision was to make things work in his marriage. Was I as strong as perhaps I should have been in saying that? Obviously no.” (Um, yeah, I’d say that fucking him for months, texting and calling him a bazillion times a day, inviting him to abandon his wife and 3 young kids to move cross-country to live with her, uh, yeah, that sounds VERY supportive of our fucking marriage. What a whore.)
2. “However I do not want to continue in the middle of whatever conversation or relationship you two have.” (wtf, “whatever conversation or relationship we have”? Um, you mean out fucking marriage, you stupid whore?! Yes, at that time he was living with me, on my side of the country, having daily sex with me, wearing his wedding ring, telling me that he was madly in love with me, plus of course, he was my god-damned Husband!!! Which she obviously knew since she was a family friend. Yeah, “whatever conversation or relationship we have,” my ass! And, of course, she certainly had no problem inserting herself into our marriage and then destroying it…
What a F-ing bitch Sunshine, this whole post is starting to freak me out!
How the hell do we EVER locate a normal person when there are SO many people like her? And him? And…and…
I’m not looking for anyone but it’s so discouraging, when so many of them spent so long being loving and THERE with us…….
Thanks for the kind words, Toni. I agree, this shit really shakes us to our core. Thank goodness for this blog and our fellow chumps who offer compassion. Just your few words really made me feel better today :€
Oh Sunshine,
I understand. I am the CL page stalker. It just boggles my mind how MUCH pain they inflict and how LITTLE they care. Rat Bastards/Bitches, all of ’em. XO
Oh, one more I thought of: after telling the final AP sarcastically that I hoped they could just be deliriously happy together so that they would leave me out of it and I could get on with my single life, she said, “don’t worry. I’m sure you’ll find somebody”.
Ahem, sweetie, I did find somebody. You’re sleeping with him.
Heh, I would have been like, “Dearie, that’s not what I’m talking about. I ain’t worried about finding someone else. I’m worried about your skank ass poisoning my life again.”
Oh the irony Jbaby. I never know whether to laugh or cry.
OW has never spoken to me directly… but she has spoken of me often. When I became a superior private detective, soon after DDay, I “uncovered” a half dozen or so emails from the OW to Stbx. I have each and every one memorized verbatim (I hope to undo that waste of brain cells someday). In one she writes:
“Hi, I don’t know if you’ll see this or not or if M****** is still treating you like a child. Just know that ILUAMUSM” (I love you and miss you so much, **gags**)
I know this will sound odd…. but in that email the thing that bothered me the most wasn’t that she said I was treating him like a child or telling him how much she missed him or loved him… it was that she had the audacity to fucking type MY name. To this day, I can’t even say her name out loud let alone type it. And of all the things that make me angry about her, the fact that she knows intimate details about me and has frequently discussed them makes me very angry in a very primal Scooby Doo Banshee kind of way.