Stupid Stuff Cake Eaters Say

cakeHey, are you the one they really love? Is the cheating okay because they’ll always come back to you? Your Friday Challenge is to talk cake to me. Big, fluffy, moist cake.

“After we divorce, we could always date, you know.”

“He’s like my best-friend, but you’re my husband!”

So tell me, chumps — what is the cake-iest thing a cheater ever said to you?

At the risk of having many predictable cheaters (“We can still be friends, right?”), I’m guessing some of you guys can out-freak the rest of us.

So lay it on me — Stupidest Cake Speak ever.

TGIF!

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Pepper
Pepper
2 years ago

I only talk to all those women because I need help understanding you. I’m trying to HELP you and that makes me the bad guy? I don’t know why I even try with you anymore, you’re clearly crazy.

What he was trying to help me with, I never found out. These were women I’d never met so they knew nothing about me. Clearly talking to ME was not a reasonable idea. But other vaginas, yeah that always helps marriages.

the.truth.is.out.there
the.truth.is.out.there
2 years ago
Reply to  Pepper

Wow!

Jae
Jae
2 years ago
Reply to  Pepper

“I only talk to all those women because I need help understanding you.”

My jaw is on the FLOOR. I heard a version of this, too!

KatiePig
KatiePig
2 years ago
Reply to  Jae

Yep, I heard it too. He’d tell his other women super personal things about me and I had some of those things thrown in my face by them later. Cue “I was trying to get advice from her about our marriage!!!”

A childless, unmarried woman young enough to be our daughter?! What in the fuck would she know about my life or being married or raising kids or long term relationships to give you advice about us?!

Jae
Jae
2 years ago
Reply to  KatiePig

I’m so sorry that he did that. I went through the same thing, and thought I was alone in it. He’d tell me all about AP’s great ideas on how to save our marriage. We both deserved better.

Ro
Ro
2 years ago
Reply to  Pepper

I’m going through a selfish period right now. (Yes, he really did say that!!)

Adp
Adp
2 years ago
Reply to  Ro

This is a quote from the movie look who’s talking… he stole the line

blessingindisguise
blessingindisguise
2 years ago
Reply to  Ro

Mine said the *exact* same thing!!!

Spoonriver
Spoonriver
2 years ago

“I want to grow old with you. I just don’t want to be with you now.”

Mary King
Mary King
2 years ago
Reply to  Spoonriver

This is classic.
I got that he can totally see us back together at some unspecified point in the future.
He needs to be with OW for now and wants to be with her for a long time but not forever.
Roll on our dotage then…can’t wait.

Onwards
Onwards
2 years ago
Reply to  Spoonriver

Got “but I want to grow old with you” too. It certainly was aging me fast!

Mitz
Mitz
2 years ago
Reply to  Spoonriver

You can buy my Depends and clean my dentures when I am too old to attract strange pvssy

OHFFS
OHFFS
2 years ago
Reply to  Mitz

Whaaaaat? Tell me he did not actually say that!????

Faithful Rage
Faithful Rage
2 years ago
Reply to  Spoonriver

I got that one too. I want to grow old with you but “need this time right now to see what else is out there. It’s not lecherous, it’s an adventure. You deserve a little excitement in your life too. I’m excited you get to explore other men”. Um really? I thought I was married and have no desire to explore other men. He wanted to see where his relationship with a prostitute would go “wanted to know her mind” and “see if they have a future together”. Of course, I’d still be his best friend, and “soothe” him.

OHFFS
OHFFS
2 years ago
Reply to  Faithful Rage

Oh barf! Soothe him? I don’t even want to think about how he expected you to do that.

Mine offered me this lovely consolation; “You can fuck other men. Then you’ll have all the power.”
Admitting that cheating is done for a sick power trip and expecting me to want the same. Utterly shameless.

Backtoreality
Backtoreality
2 years ago
Reply to  Faithful Rage

I got, ‘I was hoping that you would let me get this out of my system (her cheating) and then we could grow old together…’

ChumpyJ
ChumpyJ
2 years ago
Reply to  Spoonriver

Back up plan. Unbelievable.

Kara
Kara
2 years ago

“I just want to see how many people numbers I can get, I promise I didn’t plan on actually calling any of them, but my brother said German girls love American guys!”

First cheater when I asked him why he was talking to his brother about how to get girl’s numbers in German bars, and why they were planning this trip to Germany behind my back and why wasn’t I invited.

Velvet Hammer ????????❤️
Velvet Hammer ????????❤️
2 years ago
Reply to  Kara

I only recently realized why Traitor X, who is first generation American, never planned a trip to Germany with me to meet relatives and friends. Likely they knew about his drinking and female associates from his trip there without me early on in our relationship. Like me, he is an alcoholic and was alleging to be in recovery like me.

We were supposed to go on a trip there after we had been together about four years. We had been invited by family friends. Two weeks or so before departure, when pressed to make the airline reservations, he told me that I’d have to pay my own expenses (aside from airfare). For example, we’d be going out to dinner and I’d be paying my check and he would be included on their check, etc. Not the arrangements of the original invitation. I had no time to save the required funds. I stayed home. He went. When he returned and developed the photos, there he was at Fasching, one of a jillion German drinking festivals. Sitting at a table, Pilsner in hand, alcohol of all kinds lined up on the table in front of him. When the photo was taken he had just taken a big swig by the look on his face. I don’t even remember what BS explanation he came up with but I speckled and stayed.

It was only in the last year I realized he did not want me to go.

Chump hindsight is better than 20/20 and I get gobsmacked often by what I was in denial about.

Unicornomore
Unicornomore
2 years ago

Velvet hammer…I feel like the stupidest person in the world for not realizing how many times he made plans deliberately excluding me and I speckled into believing that he had no ulterior motive. When I drive alone these days (for whatever reason) I end up remembering time after time that he said he “had to work” (on Thanksgiving for a job that didn’t have a holiday requirement?)….

The biggest case of this was when he was in the military and assigned a school that was 2.25 years long and he suggested that me and the kids just stay where we were and he move alone. I realized MUCH later that he was serious…he really didn’t want us moving with him. At the time I chalked it up to “crazy talk” having zero grasp that he meant it

MrWonderful’sEx
MrWonderful’sEx
2 years ago

We were both supposed to remain alcohol free while going through infertility treatments. He “had” to go on a two week trip to Europe “for work.” He was drunk off his ass every night. The guys he went with were calling their wives on video chat and there was klootzak in the background drinking like a fish. And he would lie and say he didn’t. He would conveniently forget commitments he made the moment he was out of my sight. It extended to everything. He always wanted to travel without me, too. I totally get it. They are top notch asshats.

MichelleShocked
MichelleShocked
2 years ago

About 2 days after walking out on me and my son and moving directly in with his AP coworker and her 2 boys, he sent me a “cute” article about how rookies for the Cubs were required to do Starbucks runs for the other players at Wrigley Field. I responded with “what is this? I don’t think you meant to send this to me.” He responded with something along the lines of “I thought you’d enjoy this.” He also started picking personal gifts for me (like books I might enjoy reading and tight little t-shirts and body lotions). Evrything was returned and I let him know I had zero interest in getting crap from him. It was creepy. But truthfully I think it wasn’t really for “friendship”…. he was hoping I was still in a fog and he could control me and keep me at bay. Dumbass… I filed for divorce under adultery within 2 weeks of him walking out. He didn’t get much cake from me.

FormerlyKnownAs
FormerlyKnownAs
2 years ago

During the hideous time right after DDay when I was in bed not eating and vomiting all the time, my husband kept sending me emails with Netflix recommendations. Like “Hey I think you’d love this”. Um right. Like I was going to want to watch Netflix and think of him. How selfish and weird. It took me 15 months to be able to watch anything on a screen. That’s how bad my PTSD was. He also sent me cute Bitmojis of himself in texts as if we were still lovers.

KatiePig
KatiePig
2 years ago

Mine sent me a video with my face plastered on celebrities like Britney Spears and Katie Perry in their music videos. No explanation, just sent me that days into the divorce after saying the most horrible things to me about hating me and wanting me dead.

I remember I drove to the gym and sat in the parking lot and called my best friend and sobbed. What kind of psychopath is he? Why would he send me this?! She said he is a sick fuck.

I’ll never forget that. The worst time of my life, all that pain, I couldn’t eat and kept vomiting. Lost 30 pounds in three weeks and went below my high school weight. And he literally mocked me by pasting my face into music videos and sending it to me. The good thing is he could never, ever convince me he’s human after that. He’s missing the parts that make us human. He’s just a monster.

It’s Over
It’s Over
2 years ago
Reply to  KatiePig

I’m so sorry KatiePig. What a horrible time. Hope you are healthier and feeling better now.

I really appreciated this line. I feel the same in many ways. “ The good thing is he could never, ever convince me he’s human after that. He’s missing the parts that make us human. He’s just a monster.”

I’m still in the process of divorce, but this line and the feelings associated with it have officially killed the hopium. Thank goodness.

FormerlyKnownAs
FormerlyKnownAs
2 years ago
Reply to  KatiePig

What a creep KatiePig. There are no words. What a sick and childish weird fuck.

Susie Lee
Susie Lee
2 years ago

I don’t get how these assholes think we want to see them after they destroy us. They act as if, this is just like high school and no biggie.

If we treated them the way they treated us, no way would they be wanting to be friends.

My fw after he treated me like dog shit between his toes for a year, was busted in rank and discarded by the mayor as his right hand man. Asshole had the nerve to complain to my son that Mayor S, was a back stabber, and friends don’t do that to friends. Ass wipe didn’t compare the situation to what he did to me at all.

You would think he would understand that he was just no longer politically of use to the mayor, just like he decided I was of no long use to him as a wife. He and the mayor were two peas in a pod, yet I guess he thought the mayor wouldn’t treat him like he himself treated me.

No ability to self reflect at all.

Sunrise
Sunrise
2 years ago

My ex was completely caught off guard when I filed and kicked him out on my timetable, not his. Two weeks later, he wanted to come to my grandmother’s funeralr and I told him absolutely not and if he showed up my uncles and cousins were ready to take care of him. He also told the kids we’d have Thanksgiving together and I said no to that too. I kept punching holes in his ilybinilwy narrative.

Jill
Jill
2 years ago

Mine sent me inspirational quotes about being “a beautiful friend”. I threw up a little in my mouth. He also said that when our kids get married when we’re 60, we could hook up at their wedding! ???? I guess he just watched the movie “It’s Complicated”. No thank you, I don’t think my husband would like that. (I hope to married by then!)

Gonegirl
Gonegirl
2 years ago

He was probably trying to “butter you up” to stick it to you in the divorce proceedings.

MD
MD
2 years ago

This is the best response! I wish i had done that at the beginning….wasted a few more years with him and moved 500 miles to a new state for him ???? but it’s been nearly 10 years since the last time he left!

Chumped2017
Chumped2017
2 years ago

I haven’t ruled out the possibility of us getting back together if I find things don’t work out with [affair partner]. After all, I’ve always known no matter what happens, I’ll always have a safe space to come home to with you, and that’s the real meaning of home and family.

OzChump
OzChump
2 years ago
Reply to  Chumped2017

What a fair dinkum fw moron. A nice warm fuzzy place to come home to? Home to mummy? What was he on? My fw told me his 30 years younger slut made him feel like a man which he didn’t feel like in his marriage. Perhaps because he’d been Peter Pan for 40 years and his mummy was to blame for treating him like the child he was??

Chumpington Bear
Chumpington Bear
2 years ago
Reply to  OzChump

My ex said that OW made him feel like a man, but also she saw the “lost little boy inside him.” Weird thing is he was a domineering bully to me for 20 yrs but apparently he told her he was a timid abused forest creature.

FormerlyKnownAs
FormerlyKnownAs
2 years ago
Reply to  Chumped2017

The real meaning of family is to go out and fuck other people and then be allowed to come and go as if you didn’t hurt anyone? Wow

Chumpnomore6
Chumpnomore6
2 years ago
Reply to  Chumped2017

!!!!!

Dear God, the insane entitlement is gobsmacking.

I hate that fucker for you!????????????

I’d love to know what you said, or were you just speechless?

Chumpnomore6
Chumpnomore6
2 years ago
Reply to  Chumpnomore6

That was to Chumped 2017.

Chumpnomore6
Chumpnomore6
2 years ago
Reply to  Chumped2017

That was to Chumped 2017.

QuantumChump
QuantumChump
2 years ago
Reply to  Chumped2017

Sometimes the narcs accidently speak the unvarnished truth.

Unicornomore
Unicornomore
2 years ago
Reply to  QuantumChump

This is true. I got so used to him saying such stupid crap that , on occasion, he would speak truth and I didn’t recognize it.

This is a serious lesson that I wish I could pass down to the newbies

seripanther
seripanther
2 years ago
Reply to  Chumped2017

“I’ll always have a safe space to come home to with you.”

The fork you will.

Off the crazy train
Off the crazy train
2 years ago
Reply to  Chumped2017

Unbelievable!! Please share with us how you responded to that!

Velvet Hammer ????????❤️
Velvet Hammer ????????❤️
2 years ago
Reply to  Chumped2017

HE hasn’t ruled it out? JFC.

I’ll help you, bro.

Overruled. Bye!

Georgie
Georgie
2 years ago

Velvet Hammer, yes! Way to go!!

Susie Lee
Susie Lee
2 years ago
Reply to  Chumped2017

Good Lord.

My ex said his version of that, he just wasn’t as creative. He used the “set it free” shit.

Spoonriver
Spoonriver
2 years ago
Reply to  Chumped2017

What the hell Chumped2017!? The craziness is breathtaking.

Strugglingnomore
Strugglingnomore
2 years ago

“I love you AND her. It’s like when you have a child, it doesn’t mean you don’t want another child to love”

ChumpNeedsSunlight
ChumpNeedsSunlight
2 years ago

My cheater said almost the exact same thing, about it being possible to love more than one person.

He also suggested that we all go on ski vacations together – him, me, the OW, the kids. ???? WTF.

MrWonderful’sEx
MrWonderful’sEx
2 years ago

Klootzak and one of his APs would email each other (she was married, too, until I shared all her emails to him and he dumped her ass hahaha) the same tripe about how they believed it must be possible to love more than one person but it was more about how she thought she still loved her husband and mine at the same time. No mentioned by klootzak of him loving AP and me, so I assume he only loved her. Don’t care. F him. And now that she’s divorced, I wish she’d come get him.

SeenTooMuch
SeenTooMuch
2 years ago

Sister wives?

Nina
Nina
2 years ago
Reply to  SeenTooMuch

My ex told me the AP had only sent him photos of her vagina to cheer him up as his friend.

Since then I offer all my sad friends photos of my vagina to cheer them up. Not one person has taken up the offer.

Beetle
Beetle
2 years ago
Reply to  Nina

Oh you need to go to therapy and let them enjoy and charge you for gossip so they calm jerk off to the tears. $125.00. Man I tell you it worth wasteing time on an investment that will double time you wasted it boohooing again .

Samsara
Samsara
2 years ago
Reply to  Nina

Seriously you win Nina. Gold!!

Georgie
Georgie
2 years ago
Reply to  Nina

Nina????????????????????????!!!!

Kara
Kara
2 years ago

I would have said “So she’s a child? You’re having an affair with a child?”

????

ICanSeeTheMehComing!
ICanSeeTheMehComing!
2 years ago

After a year of pick me dancing after the discard for the OW, I invited Mr. Sparkles over to my house (our marital home) to discuss the divorce. He showed up with two bottles of wine and the DVD “Jersey Boys” … when I tried to broach the subject he dismissed me and instead said “Wouldn’t it be romantic if we got remarried after our divorce?”

That was when I knew in my heart of heart I was dealing with a personality disordered narcissist. I filed pro se 60 days later and when he ignored that, I hired an attorney (which sent him in to a rage and he yelled at me once… “I could’ve f*cked you that night if I had wanted to….”)

Always amazed me that someone who adamantly didn’t want to be married to me any longer and wanted his OW (“twu luv”)… but felt no sense of urgency to get the divorce settled. Took me 2 years to get it done… and the best part was the OW dumped him about six months before it was finalized because she found out he was cheating on her.

Rock on Chump Nation!

Susie Lee
Susie Lee
2 years ago

I love when they get dumped. My fw’s whore was never going to dump her meal ticket; but he did cheat on her per my daughter in law. She eventually caught him, and I am sure he stopped it. Lol.

She once told my daughter in law that she thinks God sent her to fw just when he needed her. Wonder what she thought about the whores he cheated on her (his main whore) with.

My daughter in law told her God does not send another woman to steal a woman’s husband. I can’t even imagine having the nerve to say that about God, by a person claiming to be a Christian. But, then again, she screwed multiple married men, until she got her meal ticket, so…

Chumpedonthewayout
Chumpedonthewayout
2 years ago

“It’s what friends do.” (Said about portioning assets, but before I found out about the other women.)

Nina
Nina
2 years ago

My ex told me the AP had only sent him photos of her vagina to cheer him up as his friend.

Since then I offer all my sad friends photos of my vagina to cheer them up. Not one person has taken up the offer.

bread&roses
bread&roses
2 years ago
Reply to  Nina

Sending married men photos of your vagina is the compassionate thing to do when they’re blue. Doesn’t everyone that? Holy crap, the “conversations” we’ve had! Can you imagine this conversation in any other context, with anyone else in your life? And yet this sort of thing is normal with a cheater.

Sucker Punched by a Saffa
Sucker Punched by a Saffa
2 years ago
Reply to  bread&roses

???? shot ? What the hell is wrong with some women ? What happened to modesty, privacy and NOT getting involved with married/partnered men ?

Nina
Nina
2 years ago
Reply to  bread&roses

Exactly! Who does that? Apparently my upset over it was completely uncalled for because it was ‘innocent ‘. The real kicker was him asking me to think about how she feels about me being upset. Can’t make this shit up. Haha.

Chumpedonthewayout
Chumpedonthewayout
2 years ago

Another one: “A divorce isn’t given, we just need time apart.” (Again, said before I knew about other women.)

LookingForwardsToTuesday
LookingForwardsToTuesday
2 years ago

2 1/2 years after she walked out on the kids and I, and about 6 weeks after the divorce was finalised, Ex-Mrs LFTT had to go into hospital for an operation on her back.

Almost as soon as the anaesthetic wore off she emailed to castigate me for: failing to ask her how she was; failing to have asked her what I could do to help her and; failing to do anything about the fact that many of her friends (who were appalled at what she had done) were not responding to her her texts/emails/phone calls.

I did not reply to the email.

LFTT

MrWonderful’sEx
MrWonderful’sEx
2 years ago

After D-day, klootzak needed a hernia operation and asked me to drive him to the hospital because no one else would. I took him, waited, and then drove him back. A friend later asked me why I bothered. I’m really not sure why I did, either, but she said, “Well, if anything had gone wrong, you would have been the first to know about something going on with him for maybe the first time.” And it was true. I told her if they had lost him on the operating table, I would have had no obituary or service for him. Just cremation and sprinkle him somewhere he would have liked. Maybe seedy hotel parking lots.

Sucker Punched by a Saffa
Sucker Punched by a Saffa
2 years ago

Or on the manure pile at a local stable ????

LookingForwardsToTuesday
LookingForwardsToTuesday
2 years ago

L, R & QC,

If I can answer you all in one go:

– L; Sadly (for me) she thought that I still felt some kind of moral responsibility to look after her. Sadly (for her) she was wrong, but she didn’t take it well. Apparently I am a terrible person.
– R; you are too kind!
– QC; you couldn’t be more right. I also considered myself fired from having to listen to her BS and deal with her tantrums when things didn’t go her way.

The funniest thing though, was that she then doubled down and threatened to sue me if I didn’t allow her access to the rented house where the kids and I lived so that she could take “her half of the contents.” The flaw in her plan (and the thing that rendered her threat toothless) was that our divorce agreement (which she’d already signed and had been signed off by the Judge) included me getting all of the contents of the house. Now that email I did respond to; I simply replied “Get your lawyer to explain what paragraph 3 of the agreement means. If you take me to court you will lose and I will seek costs.”

LFTT

QuantumChump
QuantumChump
2 years ago

Deja Vu. Mine has the same clause in it. She kept wanting to come in and look for “stuff rightfully hers” to take. I refused her shopping spree requests and changed the locks. She had almost 2 years to come take her crap. She removed all the good $$$ stuff before I even knew she was cheating. You don’t get to murder your family then pretend to be sentimental about family vacation souvenirs.

LookingForwardsToTuesday
LookingForwardsToTuesday
2 years ago
Reply to  QuantumChump

QC,

You refer to it as the “shopping spree.” I think of it as “the supermarket trolley-dash.”

I remember Ex-Mrs LFTT, not long after she left but before the divorce was finalised, coming back on some pretence or other relating to the kids only to find her dividing up the contents of the wine rack (she’s a functioning alcoholic, one of the things I learned about her after D Day). Imagine my surprise when I found that she’d put all the cheap stuff she’d bought in a pile for me and all the nice stuff (mostly gifts from my family) in her pile!

They really are f*cking idiots.

LFTT

FormerlyKnownAs
FormerlyKnownAs
2 years ago

I’m going through this now. Ex left without taking anything except our most valuable artwork and expensive wine glasses. He now wants to come through the home and take everything else he wants. It’s been almost 2 years. My lawyer said to let him come but he has to make a list for negotiating the things he wants. So I had someone here to walk him through the house and he didn’t show up!

LookingForwardsToTuesday
LookingForwardsToTuesday
2 years ago

FKA,

Once I had established with Ex-Mrs LFTT that she was not coming for the “supermarket-trolley dash” as she had hoped and that she wasn’t taking anything of value from the house …… she started giving me lists of things that she expected me to keep; it was like she expected to be able to contract out her tendency to hoard to me.

I had to make it very clear that if I didn’t want or need it and she didn’t come and get it (eg clothes and shoes from when the kids were tiny) then it was going to the dump. I really don’t understand how to square her ability to nuke our family with her sentimentality about things from when the kids were young.

LFTT

FormerlyKnownAs
FormerlyKnownAs
2 years ago

LFTT

Why are they all the same? My STBX hoarded papers. He had really tiny handwriting and he had screeds of papers with illegible ant-size writing that he said were his important thoughts. I used to move his papers from the office into boxes. Then I’d shift the boxes to the garage. After DDay, he expected me to keep them all for when he wanted them. Also, he didn’t ever ask for anything sentimental such as family or baby photos of our daughter. I guess he doesn’t care. He did, however, come and get his giant box of Magic cards. That what his favourite past time – playing Magic with his friends. Oh, and fucking hookers.

NoMoreSchmucks
NoMoreSchmucks
2 years ago
Reply to  QuantumChump

“You don’t get to murder your family then pretend to be sentimental about family vacation souvenirs.”

Righteo. How about leaving your family with only your high school year books, college photo albums, gf pics (all at least 30 years old), then doubling back AFTER the decree and asking for actual family pics.

Really. He got NOTHING. He’ll have to be happy with those HS gf pics and the porn he’s been collecting.

Sucker Punched by a Saffa
Sucker Punched by a Saffa
2 years ago
Reply to  NoMoreSchmucks

Or not taking a single photo of your children from the albums and then complaining years later “I don’t have any photos of my kids growing up ????!” Somebody probably noticed the glaring omission when they visited his apartment, where he lives with wife 3.0. Golddigger has tons of photos of her extended family, a very homely clan. As my aunt says “Her son is one of the ugliest men I’ve ever seen”

Sunrise
Sunrise
2 years ago

How about not taking all your shit? My ex left a garage full of crap that he was supposed to take per the agreement. The man couldn’t buy a fifty cent box of nails, he had to get the 2 lb box of every single nut, bolt, screw and nail he ever needed for a project. A dozen hinges for the gate that takes two. huge spools of wire, pvc pipe, 2x4s, rolls of plastic sheeting. I had a mini Home Depot but not any useful tools because he took them all, including the ones with my name etched on them.

Attie
Attie
2 years ago
Reply to  Sunrise

Oh God mine was exactly the same. Why by 2 of anything when you can buy 200 (and then he used to throw a wobbly because he couldn’t find space to store everything)! The good news is that my younger son is a plumber and will be renovating his house at some point and I think I might have everything he will ever need in my basement!

Paula
Paula
2 years ago

You’re my hero today!

QuantumChump
QuantumChump
2 years ago

She fired you from that job

Robin
Robin
2 years ago

You are my hero today.

LIsa
LIsa
2 years ago

Wow, just Wow ! That she still expected you to take care of her.

ChumpTight
ChumpTight
2 years ago

My serial cheating ex-wife said, “We can divorce now, then we can remarry in 2 years.”

Jill
Jill
2 years ago
Reply to  ChumpTight

Mine said we could divorce and then start over with a clean slate! Hmmmm….doesn’t work that way!

LifeIsGood
LifeIsGood
2 years ago
Reply to  Jill

Mine tried that line, too. NOPE!

QuantumChump
QuantumChump
2 years ago
Reply to  ChumpTight

Mine wanted to stay married (of course, I paid for everything) while she “found herself” and we could get divorced in 5 years if we didn’t “find our way back to each other”. I filed and said “lets get divorced now and we can remarry in 5 years if we find our way back to each other”.

Davidb
Davidb
2 years ago
Reply to  ChumpTight

Yep…. if we are meant to be we will get back together. Or, my mom separated with her husband and partied/cheated. Then they got back together they were happier than ever.

ChumpTight
ChumpTight
2 years ago
Reply to  ChumpTight

And she also told me she needed 6 months to decide who she wanted to be with. I filed the next week.

Susie Lee
Susie Lee
2 years ago
Reply to  ChumpTight

After letting my ex come home for a horrible week where he treated me like shit. I told him to leave, and that he had one week to get with our preacher (who was the police chaplain) and set up counseling for himself to see if we could be salvaged. I told him to call me the following Sunday with his decision. He never called.

I called him late that Sunday evening and said you never called. he said “I can’t decide what I want” I said well you don’t have to, I am done”.

It kills me that I let him come back for a week, but I did hold true to “we are done”.

Sandyfeet
Sandyfeet
2 years ago
Reply to  Susie Lee

My three adult children were upset I let him back home for Christmas, after he finally fired the OW. (Hired her back a few weeks letter). It was an awkward time, I regret.

Susie Lee
Susie Lee
2 years ago
Reply to  Sandyfeet

I told my son (via phone, he was stationed in AZ in the Air Force ) that we were going to try again, my son said and I quote “be careful mom, he is messed up” Wish I had listened. Only took me a few days to figure out his angle.

Wormfree
Wormfree
2 years ago

Two classics;
“I always come home to you” Gee that makes me feel so much better…..
“I want to drink your coffee for the rest of my life”
I alone have the power to make delicious coffee?????????????

Longtime Chump
Longtime Chump
2 years ago
Reply to  Wormfree

“I always come home to you” that one is one I heard too and just is just a confession of guilt. I would also hear “but I’m here now.
That’s when he would come home smelling of other woman.
It was as if any lies were just too much work for him and I was just supposed to be so thankful he was home?! Wtf

BeyondChumped
BeyondChumped
2 years ago
Reply to  Longtime Chump

I translate that as ‘I need you to wash my socks’

Francesco
Francesco
2 years ago

I don’t wanna lose either of you. ????‍♂️

Faithful Rage
Faithful Rage
2 years ago
Reply to  Francesco

Oh God, I got that one too.

Chumpawumba
Chumpawumba
2 years ago
Reply to  Faithful Rage

I got “I was loyal to both of you. That’s why it went on so long” (12 years). And also “You were always the main person. I never saw myself ending up with her.”

He checked himself into a hotel the day after D-day, made one feeble attempt to reconcile before disappearing 100 miles away to rent an apartment near Schmoopie. He later accused me of “unilaterally ending the marriage and removing [him] from the house”.

After more than 18 months of me making him go through my lawyer, he ambushed me and, in between making various legal threats told me he still loved me, wish he’d never met her and that the affair was “this biggest mistake he’d ever made and he’d regret it for the rest of his life”.

They are of course still together, even though for the last seven years of our marriage he pretended he was divorced and his new place was too grimy for her to visit. They are both garbage people and will make each other miserable in their dumpster relationship.

Sucker Punched by a Saffa
Sucker Punched by a Saffa
2 years ago
Reply to  Chumpawumba

She “dated” him for SEVEN years and never saw his apartment ? That is one dumb bitch. They deserve each other.
You’re free !

Chumpawumba
Chumpawumba
2 years ago

She knew he was married for the first five years of the affair and that we were having fertility treatment, but was happy to have unprotected sex with him anyway. Probably hoping she’s get pregnant first. She is both nasty and desperate.

Weirdly though, the one time I spoke to her, she apologised and things had got “out of hand” and she wished none of it had ever happened. So both of them somehow seem to have accidentally and unintentionally ended up having an affair for 12 years. The lack of taking responsibility is unreal.

Hurt1
Hurt1
2 years ago

Happened to me…cheating boyfriend’s other girlfriend (we didn’t know about each other) never visited his apartment in the 5 years they were together. He told her it was messy. No, it was because there were signs that he already had a girlfriend: clothes, female toiletries, placements for 2, magazines with my address, etc.

Turns out she is “one dumb bitch” as she went back to him not too long after his double life was exposed.

Sucker Punched by a Saffa
Sucker Punched by a Saffa
2 years ago
Reply to  Hurt1

Members of the Desperate Dumb Bitch Club ????

Kim
Kim
2 years ago

Better to stay with the devil you know.

UXworld
UXworld
2 years ago

No anecdote can possibly top visual proof of a chump and his cheater wearing t-shirts that say “CAKE” on them — behold, Chump Nation, I am the cakeiest caker of all . . .

https://link.shutterfly.com/gXZbDlcmrgb

Marzy-d
Marzy-d
2 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

I don’t know if you care, but your real name is on the top of the photo album!

Sucker Punched by a Saffa
Sucker Punched by a Saffa
2 years ago
Reply to  Marzy-d

I was going to point this out too but he doesn’t have anything to be ashamed of. His ex-twat does !

Marzy-d
Marzy-d
2 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

I think the woman is the cheater, and the gentleman is the chump…no shame in love handles ????

Marie Antoinette
Marie Antoinette
2 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

I approve of this photo.

Velvet Hammer ????????❤️
Velvet Hammer ????????❤️
2 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

Well, I know you had to airbrush her head out of the photo to follow the rules here, but it really makes it a more accurate depiction of the situation…..

Discarded Wife
Discarded Wife
2 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

Wow! Love the photo editing where you chopped off her head!

LifeIsGood
LifeIsGood
2 years ago

“It doesn’t matter if we get divorced, I’m just going to sweep you off your feet and we will get remarried someday.”

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. NO.

bread&roses
bread&roses
2 years ago
Reply to  LifeIsGood

So devoted! I’m sure he’s still dedicated to making this plan come true: living like a monk, pining for you, working on himself, and doing everything he can to prove his love and win you back some day 😉

Newlady15
Newlady15
2 years ago

My ex, while in the middle of divorce and having moved in with Schmoopie said—“ ypu go to the apartment, work on yourself( huh?), I’ll come to see you every day amd maybe in 6 months we can get remarried”. I said “funny, I think ypu actually have to be divorced to get remarried”. By the way I didn’t leave the house and bought him out. Asshole.

MrWonderful’sEx
MrWonderful’sEx
2 years ago
Reply to  Newlady15

Good for you buying him out! He thought YOU should go to an apartment? That was some nerve!

Chumpington Bear
Chumpington Bear
2 years ago

My cheater did this too. On the very night of D-Day while I was gobsmacked trying to process what was happening, he blurted out, “I brought her here to the house, and she loved it. She wants to move in here with me. I’ll find you an apartment in [city where I work] and help you move.” I was so shocked but had the good sense to say, absolutely not, I’m not leaving my home, you can leave.

Curtis
Curtis
2 years ago

“I think we should see other people…” I found out later she told me this after she had been f*king other guys.

Nemo
Nemo
2 years ago
Reply to  Curtis

Upon receiving a request for an open relationship, assume it’s already been opened.

Mitz
Mitz
2 years ago
Reply to  Nemo

And get tested for STI’s

ChumpDownUnder
ChumpDownUnder
2 years ago
Reply to  Nemo

Yes I got the whole ‘open our relationship to other people to spice up our sex life’ crap. But he forgot to tell me he’d already been doing this for at least a year.

QuantumChump
QuantumChump
2 years ago
Reply to  Curtis

A monkey never lets go of the branch she’s holding until she has a firm grip on the next branch…..

Thirtythreeyearsachump
Thirtythreeyearsachump
2 years ago

“I haven’t been happy for a long time.”
( He was unconcern for my happiness. That was never a concern for LTC Fuckface.)

“It is only a problem if you make it a problem.”
( I made it a problem.)

“You would really like her if you’d just get to know her. You have a lot in common.”
( I have nothing in common with that home wrecking whore.)

“It didn’t mean anything.”
( It meant the end of our marriage.)

“I sleep here every night.”
(Until he didn’t. I caught him sneaking out like a rebellious teenager.)

Now I understand that anything he says is a lie. He is a known liar and never to be trusted again.

MsMachete
MsMachete
2 years ago

“I sleep here every night” is narcissist-speak for “Be grateful I fart in your bed.” Naw, I’ll pass ????????

Sucker Punched by a Saffa
Sucker Punched by a Saffa
2 years ago
Reply to  MsMachete

Get rid of the Dutch oven. How disgusting ????

Elderly Chump
Elderly Chump
2 years ago

TTYAC.

“You would really like her if you got to know her. You have a lot in common.”

I remember where we were and what we were doing when he uttered those words to me.

I was still trying to win the RIC GRAND prize so my response was not what it would be today – post LACGAL.

Thanks to that book my decades of trying to attain sainthood, via being THE BEST martyr I knew, is no longer a value of mine.

As a good friend says to me often, “My two favorite words are, ‘fuck off” “.

Today, about 4 years out, I can honestly say I am very grateful to the OW for she is the one that brought all his ‘bad behavior’ into the light thus showing me who he really is/was….a serial cheater wrapped up in a covert passive aggressive personality all stuffed into his one little body.

I may even like her….No, that is stretching it too far. She is a cheater too. One who has caused the end many marriages including her own.

Her values and mine will NEVER be the same.

Carol39
Carol39
2 years ago

I love your response “I made it a problem.”

Yep, me too! I’m not going down quietly.

ChumpyNoLove
ChumpyNoLove
2 years ago

Maybe he was just sneaking out in middle of night to go sit in a Walmart car park. Seems a favourite of cheaters. My ex wife used that excuse ????‍♂️

Longtime Chump
Longtime Chump
2 years ago
Reply to  ChumpyNoLove

Walmart Parking lot?! Is that a hook up place?

Faithful Rage
Faithful Rage
2 years ago
Reply to  ChumpyNoLove

My x used Walmart excuse too—except he wasn’t at Walmart. He was at a casino trolling for hookers. The one he got obsessed with, literally stalked, was the one he said I’d really like if I got to know her. A high school dropout, drug addicted hooker with two small kids, too many to count ex’s whose mother is younger than me—yes, of course we’d be best buds.

Thirtythreeyearsachump
Thirtythreeyearsachump
2 years ago
Reply to  ChumpyNoLove

Funny you know the cheater so well. He had a wal-mart bag and an excuse that he needed body wash and had to go buy it. This announced in a very peeved voice insinuating that I didn’t meet his needs again. He left at 2:00 a.m. and returned at 6:30 a.m., the receipt was time stamped at 6:00 a.m. Wal-Mart was indeed his excuse!

Sandyfeet
Sandyfeet
2 years ago

Mine was at an NA meeting, on his way home. The next morning I find a receipt in kitchen sink (odd). Receipt is for 2 ice cream cones. Called him out. Said it wasn’t his, just picked it up. What are the odds? Clerked typed your name on it. Then said oh yeah, they messed up it was supposed to be swirl. Lies, lies

bread&roses
bread&roses
2 years ago
Reply to  Sandyfeet

They’re so quick to lie! Everything, always. Did you question this lie, Sandyfeet? And if so, how did the cheater respond? I can guess…

bev
bev
2 years ago
Reply to  ChumpyNoLove

Or take photographs of his tractor by moonlight – you wouldn’t think I had a degree – face plant

bread&roses
bread&roses
2 years ago
Reply to  bev

Oh my god! What a rat. This sounds like something my ex would’ve said, and I would’ve completely trusted him and happily gone to sleep.

Speaking of absurd in hindsight… This challenge has reminded me of a time, years ago, in the early years of the double life (as far as I know). FW was freshly sober and needed a lot of “time and space” to figure himself out. It turned my life upside down, but I was worried for him and as supportive and patient as I possibly could be. When he arranged a few days of flying around random airports to “see the vast humanity and change his perspective” (free, because his best friend was a pilot), I bought it. No suspicions, whatsoever. He wrote that it was possibly “the most selfish of many selfish acts.” I thought it odd at the time that he volunteered that. Well, years later, I learned that he was flying to see the young intern he’d been romancing all summer behind my back. Cake? “I love you and can’t wait to be back, snuggled on the couch with you and the cat.”

DuddersGetsChumped
DuddersGetsChumped
2 years ago
Reply to  bev

Yeah but Bev that’s so off the wall!!! I mean when has ‘taking photos of tractors by moonlight’ been an acronym for seeing other women? But it is now. I mean I’ll give him a 10 for originality and a 0 for character.

My cousin got dicked around a lot by this guy she was seeing and he was really into the band The Fall and was writing a book about them. Fortunately for my cousin she could see through all this and knew it was a load of bullshit but our phrase, if you are not going to be doing what you say are doing, is ‘I’m going to write a book about The Fall’ and now I’ll add to that ‘I’m going to take some pictures of tractors by moonlight’.

When you look back you feel so stupid don’t you but we shouldn’t cause it’s normal to trust your nearest and dearest.

Susie Lee
Susie Lee
2 years ago

That is awful, they are engrained lyers.

My ex in the last few months, would sit up at night and then come in when I was about asleep and say “I can’t sleep, I am going to ride around with one of the guys” (Police Officer).

I bought it. I mean I knew we were having trouble by then, but he put it off to work stress, and since he was in a new office job, he had said he still likes to stay in touch with they guys… So yeah, did I feel stupid.

Wonder what kind of excuses he made after he and schmoops married. I am sure they had a laugh over that one at my expense, so likely he had to dig a little deeper.

ChumpToTheMax
ChumpToTheMax
2 years ago

More creepy than cakey–after the divorce, he used to text or email me and always end with “Till death do us part.” Like we were still married, creeped me out so I blocked him.

All of his affairs had the same cakey theme, he was helping her with her home repairs, or with her dog, or with her kids…he was always helping someone else while me and my kids lived in a hoarded up, unfinished house, broken down cars with no support from him. I ate it up, like we didn’t deserve better, what a crappy cake.

Newlady15
Newlady15
2 years ago

What is with them thinking we’ll remarry them? ????????????????????

Carol39
Carol39
2 years ago
Reply to  Newlady15

Narcissism, I think. They honestly think we can’t survive without them. My ex recently sent me an email informing me that he still loved me and would take me back if I changed my attitude toward him. He added, “Otherwise you will continue to suffer.”

Suffer? Oh, my friends and I had a laugh over that one. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my life right now. The only part of my life that is suffering at all is the part wherein I still have to deal with him sometimes. But apparently, he pictures me sitting in my beautiful little home a mile from the ocean with my daughters, lonely and sad, bewailing the loss of the greatness that is him and dreaming of a second chance at his awesomeness. Probably in his dream, there is a carefully-tended shrine with a picture of him, surrounded by piles of handwritten, tear-stained poetry with titles like “Alas for Lost Love!”

Dream on, Loser. I’ve got a nice job, great friends, a very full social schedule, and (now that COVID restrictions are lifting and we’re vaccinated) some fun dates. No shrine here.

MrWonderful’sEx
MrWonderful’sEx
2 years ago
Reply to  Carol39

I dare say that even if you lived in a hovel far from the beach, you would not “suffer” without him. lol They really believe that, though! ????

DOCTOR's1stWife&3Kids
DOCTOR's1stWife&3Kids
2 years ago

—otherwise you will continue to suffer???

“Dear FW, I apologize for not being clearer with you.

I am not suffering now that we are not married. You were dishonest and cruel to me. I am MUCH happier without you.

The End”

Newlady15
Newlady15
2 years ago
Reply to  Carol39

Omg Carol39 thanks for the laugh! You enjoy the heck out of your loving complete home!

Sandyfeet
Sandyfeet
2 years ago
Reply to  Carol39

Oh my gosh. So ridiculous.

Fearful&loathing
Fearful&loathing
2 years ago
Reply to  Carol39

“Otherwise you will continue to suffer”. OH MY WORD!

Thanks for the laugh Carol!

Adelante
Adelante
2 years ago

The cake-iest thing my now-ex ever said to me came during the time I was naked pick-me dancing. I was dealing with two “other women”: one, an ex student my now-ex had long had an inappropriate relationship with, including when she was a student, and two, the “woman” my now-ex likes to pretend he is when he dresses up in women’s lingerie. Both had assumed monster proportions in my marriage, with the ex-student encouraging my now-ex in his “woman” persona, telling him he was transgendered. (Funny, though, how my husband’s idea of himself of a woman was focused exclusively on sexual gratification.)

I agreed to participate in my now-ex’s sexual fantasies, which involved me shaving his legs and putting fishnet stockings on him (this is only the most G-rated of his fantasies–and what I did to gratify them). After this session he cried out “I want to spend the rest of my life with you!”

I was so deep in denial and hopium that even though a little part of my rational mind said to me, “Really? That sounds like something he got out of a romance novel,” I clung to it for far longer than the evidence before my eyes was telling me.

PS: Although the ex-student was a fixture in my now-ex’s life for years, he always had some other woman he was fixated on, and the more overt his dress-up/masturbation sessions became, the more he paraded these fixations of his in front of me. With the last woman he fixated on, a younger professor in our department, he started modeling himself on her behavior, to the point that after a “welcome back students” party at her house he told me she didn’t have her air conditioner on, so we should turn ours off. (For the record, she did in fact have it on.)

PrincipledLife
PrincipledLife
2 years ago
Reply to  Adelante

OMG Adelante, my husband too. They never want to dress up as a regular woman in age-appropriate clothes, it’s always teenage tramp/streetwalker clothes. Clownish, freaky and ugly. And very scary. They so want to be central, that they even insist on being the OW.

Incandescent
Incandescent
2 years ago
Reply to  PrincipledLife

About the lack of age appropriateness in the dress-up– I think there are two reasons– one is that the teen-early twenties is the only time in a womans life where a misogynist thinks she has real value, and the time she has the most social power over men. They don’t want the real life of real women, with the daily casual putdowns and lifetime economic discrimination. The other is that they are mostly terrified of getting old in general…they think being a woman will make them young again because young women are the only ones they notice.

ChumpyNoLove
ChumpyNoLove
2 years ago
Reply to  Adelante

He sounds very easily influenced by others. Must be some real deep seated issues for a man to be like that and cause so much damage to yourself. Awful stuff.

Adelante
Adelante
2 years ago
Reply to  ChumpyNoLove

Awful stuff, indeed. As my sister and my best friend have said to me, many time, “He’s really f**ked up.”

Thirty-two years of his serial infatuations with women (colleagues and students) and his devaluing of me were bad enough. But the three years I spent naked pick-me dancing and smoking hopium after he revealed his predilection for fetish cross-dressing did a lot of damage to me that I am still not over, especially when added to that the devalue and discard of having my now-ex decide that dressing up in women’s lingerie, masturbating (and taking selfies of both) was preferable to being married to me.

My advice to all newbies is to get out as soon as possible. That was my first impulse, and I’m so sorry I fell for his manipulation (his sad sausage appeal).

ChumpyNoLove
ChumpyNoLove
2 years ago
Reply to  Adelante

I know everyone has their kinks but there is just something about men and I am a man saying this, it just strikes me as beyond strange the amount of men there appears to be who want to dress in women’s clothing or the married men sneaking off for gay sex. It really is disturbing. I had a manager years ago who was gay but stayed married and in a lie whilst he sneaked away for gay sex and I believe he was married near 20 years then came out and it wrecked his wife and kids. His kids were same age as me and I had asked him if he knew he was gay then why did he do that to her.

I honestly feel that extreme fetishes is something a partner should be made fully aware of before marriage and then allowed the opportunity to decide if how they feel about that. My ex GF had a serious rape fantasy and it was a major factor in me breaking up with her. She full on wanted me to break in and rape her. If I had married her for talk sake and she then wanted that I would have felt really uncomfortable and probably would have divorced her.

Blinders and Hopiun
Blinders and Hopiun
2 years ago
Reply to  ChumpyNoLove

I know mine cheated with women but in all my review trying to unravel my life with him, I’ve found some things that make me wonder if he’s gay or had male hookups. He also doesn’t follow the pattern of typical hetero guy cheater. It’s just really a weird thing, I was not aware it was as common as it is.

Honeyandthehomewrecker.com
Honeyandthehomewrecker.com
2 years ago

Blinders, me too! There were things I looked back on that clearly screamed he was cheating with women AND men, but I just believed so many lies back then. I get so mad at myself for being such a trusting chump, but I’m working on giving myself grace. The full picture didn’t emerge until after he’d already left me and our two toddlers for a stripper on the opposite coast. Wonder if she knows about his secret meetups with men by now?

AFS
AFS
2 years ago
Reply to  ChumpyNoLove

I hate the subsequent narrative that they have been “so brave “ for finally coming out .
Brave after endless lies and the former partners not knowing what to do with all this crap.

Mitz
Mitz
2 years ago
Reply to  Adelante

You have a good heart. None of us knew how deep their character disorders ran.

TruthBeTold
TruthBeTold
2 years ago

“Divorce!? We can’t get a divorce. Imagine if the kids find out I cheated on you. Their image of me will be ruined!”

QuantumChump
QuantumChump
2 years ago
Reply to  TruthBeTold

Mine still accuses me of “turning the kids against her”. They had turned 18 (thank god) and we were a 3-man detective team trying to figure out why mom was suddenly never home, sometimes for days. We finally figured it out together. Any image tarnishment was of her own doing.

ChumpQueen
ChumpQueen
2 years ago
Reply to  QuantumChump

Same!

My 12 year old son found his text messages to the OW “family friend.” He was heartbroken, and I was furious for being so fucking careless. Fast forward a couple years and somehow the story is that I told the kids, which turned them against him.

The truth is that they told me much more than I ever knew, and he’s a pathetic, shameless, blame-shifting coward.

I can’t even begin to describe the torture of my little children knowing what their father was doing. He was so self-absorbed that he didn’t even see them watching. I want to strangle him whenever I think about it. ????????

Sandyfeet
Sandyfeet
2 years ago
Reply to  TruthBeTold

They’re really something. Mine doubled over when I said the manager of our grocery store got tears in his eyes when I told him you were cheating with someone 33 years younger than you, manager had dated OW mother. “You told him”!!! Well, yeah. He ask me how the old man was……I wasn’t going to lie.

Thirtythreeyearsachump
Thirtythreeyearsachump
2 years ago
Reply to  TruthBeTold

TruthBeTold, OH OH OH Please tell me you divorced him and his image was ruined at his own hands, by his own deeds.

TruthBeTold
TruthBeTold
2 years ago

Time will tell! Working on the divorce now. I can’t wait until it’s done and I can join in the story telling here instead of just lurking! UBT, watch out.

So far, he has moved out and schmoopie dumped him pretty much immediately. I really wish she’d take him back. Cake eaters without any cake are very, very intolerable. Meanwhile, kids have barely noticed he’s gone. They do miss the dog though. lol.

Thirtythreeyearsachump
Thirtythreeyearsachump
2 years ago
Reply to  TruthBeTold

Truth Be Told, your response to my inquiry was simply delightful. I am still chuckling. Thank You!

I hope he gets to live the “devalue/discard” cycle for an eternity, freeing you from his unwanted attention.

MrWonderful’sEx
MrWonderful’sEx
2 years ago
Reply to  TruthBeTold

It’s funny that FWs work so hard on image management but the image people – including their own kids – have of them is not what they think. My son has said he was glad when company would come over because “Daddy pretends he is nice when people come over.” I have had neighbors tell me they think he’s weird. Twice they had parties and said it was a “ladies’ night” get together in the text to me so I would be invited over but not FW. The wife and husband and some of her husband’s work friends and their wives were there, too. It was a full on party. But they wanted me to come over and relax without FW and that was their way of doing it. If I had a get together while FW was out of town, people would come but when he was home, they would decline the invitation or stop by and leave early. FW was oblivious because he knew two narc buddies and as long as they came and drank with him, that was all he cared. But he would say how people loved to come to “his” parties and I said not a word. He believed he had the image of a great guy and everyone liked him. I think he still does. He lives in his own little alternate reality. They all do. Maybe they should try harder to be decent human being who are actually loved and respected for a change, but I guess cheating and being a jerk is just easier.

ChumpyNoLove
ChumpyNoLove
2 years ago

My ex wife said “I can’t imagine life without you” whilst cheating with dozens of men.

She said “I don’t want a divorce, I don’t want to lose you” whilst cheating with dozens of men and did absolutely nothing to try and stop a divorce.

She said “You’re the other half of who I am, we’ve been together near all our 20’s and 30’s” whilst fucking dozens of men.

She said during xmas when she was over with the kids before our divorce was even finished “ I don’t want to hurt you, I love you too much” whilst still cheating.

She said about my new house “I cling on to the hope that someday we can get back together and I can come live in your new house and be a family again”, whilst she was still cheating.

She said “ I can’t ever imagine having another man in my life, it just feels wrong” whilst fucking dozens of men.

I could probably write a novel with all her BS.

AFS
AFS
2 years ago
Reply to  ChumpyNoLove

Tough times and we laugh about it now .
But it must have been awful when it all happened.

ChumpyNoLove
ChumpyNoLove
2 years ago
Reply to  AFS

It’s hard to believe that was my everyday reality this time last year. So glad I divorced her. Even whilst she was saying all that crap to me I mentioned above, she had no idea I had already filed.

AFS
AFS
2 years ago
Reply to  ChumpyNoLove

Work on yourself .
Give it time.
One day you will even look at 2021 and think – I’m better off than I was in that year.
Tuesday is coming

Carol39
Carol39
2 years ago

The cakiest thing my ex ever said? Well, he said a lot of cakey things, but the one that takes the cake (heh) is probably this one: “I want a divorce because I want freedom to have sex with other women without you getting all in my business about it. But I think we should keep it a secret. You are a good friend and a good mom to the kids, and there’s no reason to split expenses. Let’s just keep living together, you can keep cleaning the house and we can have family dinners every night. But I don’t want you trying to control my life and who I have sex with.”

He was shocked when I declined his generous offer. Just shocked.

Elderly Chump
Elderly Chump
2 years ago
Reply to  Carol39

Carol39,

HaHaHaHa….At least now, at almost 4 years I can laugh instead of cry…

Mine said something along the same lines but his had the twist of, “I want to ‘date’ other women without feeling guilty.”

Hummmm

I am no contact so I don’t know how the ‘dating’ is panning out for him but, from what I have learned about these NWD types (My newest favorite phrase learned here = Nasty Wandering Dick.) is that he is probably free from guilt as well as the stress of leading a double life.

I am not even sure he ever did feel guilty….just the stress of double-life’ing it…..so he probably just tossed in the guilt part to look good.

Incandescent
Incandescent
2 years ago
Reply to  Carol39

Wow, “you can keep cleaning the house”!!?!??? That is the height and depth of blatant chutzpah!!!

Carol39
Carol39
2 years ago
Reply to  Incandescent

Yep, he said that for real. He also speculated that he could get his own apartment, but he would keep a key to the house so that he could wander over whenever he felt like it and hang out with me and the kids. Now he is so mad because I ruined all his happy fantasies.

Limbo Chumpian
Limbo Chumpian
2 years ago
Reply to  Carol39

Mine gave me the same offer but without a legal divorce so I could stay on his health insurance. He’s generous like that.

Susie Lee
Susie Lee
2 years ago
Reply to  Carol39

Yes, I think they truly are shocked when they realize we are not going to keep serving them in their awesomeness.

I have absolutely no doubt that in my fws mind, he would D me, I would get lonely and call him to come back. Me and the whore would essentially trade places. What ass wipes they are.

ChumpyNoLove
ChumpyNoLove
2 years ago
Reply to  Carol39

So basically he wants a female appliance for all washing and cleaning and cooking whilst he runs around do whatever he wants! These people are insane.

Carol39
Carol39
2 years ago
Reply to  Carol39

Oh, and he also wanted me to keep it a secret from our church, because he “didn’t think it was their business.” In his mind, it was perfectly normal for us to keep going to church as a family and pretending we were still happily married when we were divorced and he had a girlfriend.

That was a revelation to me: This is how he thinks all the time. He is the sort of guy who is totally okay with living a double life that deceives everyone around him if it gets him ahead and gives him what he wants.

Ewwww.

Susie Lee
Susie Lee
2 years ago
Reply to  Carol39

I believe that was the opportunity I missed.

When I realized soon after his promotion, at the beginning of our last year he was pulling away and things just felt weird, I should have gone to our pastor to talk to. He was the police chaplain (our pastor), I am betting if I had gone to him he would have picked up right away on what the real issue was. It would not have changed the outcome as far and our marriage, as he had already unknown to me destroyed that. However, it would have very likely forced him to come clean, and I could have been out of the mess a lot sooner.

It is too long to explain the reasons, but there is no doubt in my mind had I gone for counseling from our pastor, he would have been outed, at the very least to me.

But, of course I didn’t because he was telling me “work stress” and I believed him. He wasn’t yet ready to walk. I suspect he wanted to hold his Captains position long enough to secure it, and he also needed my help in paying for the River property set up. After all he and schmoops needed a place to escape to when the shit hit the fan.

Hcard
Hcard
2 years ago
Reply to  Carol39

Carol39, my dead H would have been in heaven with your ex’s ideas. He had the exact same expectations. It seems crazy to us, but to a true narcissist, makes sense.

Susie Lee
Susie Lee
2 years ago
Reply to  Hcard

It really does make sense for them.

If my ex could have kept a lid on the schmoops, I have no doubt he would have dragged it on for another year or so with me being the wife to do his bidding, and keep his standing in the church and community, and schmoops I assume providing the extra kicks.

Schmoops wasn’t the only one, as she found out after they married; but she was his main side fuck.

kathy
kathy
2 years ago

so many, but 2 of my favorites: “it was something I wanted to try and now I am done with it”.
hmmm.. lying, cheating, or blow jobs and anal sex with male massage therapists and complete strangers? a decade long trial and done with it because he got caught.

and, “if we stay together or if we don’t, we will both always know what happened. We should just stay together, so we don’t grow old alone.” What a big pile of lying, cheating, gas lighting POS he is! how did it take me so long to figure it out?

David
David
2 years ago

Said to our marriage therapist (when she wouldn’t give up the affair and I was frantically pick-me-dancing and dying inside):

“I feel like I’m in the first real adult relationship of my life.”

My jaw dropped: I was and am a tenured college professor for over twenty years, responsible and loving father of our two children, we’d been married eight years, I’ve owned homes, I don’t smoke, drink, excellent credit…. In other words an adult to a fault. What the hell was she talking about?

Incandescent
Incandescent
2 years ago
Reply to  David

Sounds like she was accidentally admitting her own despicable lack of maturity; she not qualified to be an arbiter of yours.

Bruno
Bruno
2 years ago
Reply to  David

They gotta say something…

Magnolia
Magnolia
2 years ago
Reply to  David

I’m guessing she meant the first time SHE felt like an adult. Because she was seeing you as provider/parent, and feeling grown up for making a decision without parent’s input … people with the emotional age of 10 are going to feel like they’re Big People when they start taking 13-year-old sneak-something-on-mom-and-dad actions.

OHFFS
OHFFS
2 years ago
Reply to  David

????
The hypocrisy and inauthenticity of these freaks makes your head spin.

Spinach@35
Spinach@35
2 years ago

Here’s one (of many):

“If it had been a two-week affair or a two-year affair, you never would have forgiven me.”

So he went for the 2.5-year affair. It was the only rational course of action because I’m such an unforgiving bitch. MY FAULT!

Tanya
Tanya
2 years ago
Reply to  Spinach@35

Why do we have to tell the kids? What if I want to come back in a few weeks. He also told his dad. I will come home in a year. I just want a year with the ow. I filed after a six months of pick me dancing.

LezChump
LezChump
2 years ago
Reply to  Tanya

Oh, and the affair partners just looove it when our spouses tell them that they’re only good for a brief fling, don’t they? I have a dump of texts between my STBX and her most recent affair partner that would be comical if it weren’t so sad. (We are all women.) In them, AP kept passive-aggressively nudging STBX to leave me and choose her, while STBX kept reminding her that she did not plan to leave me. “Can’t we just get together every six weeks and enjoy ourselves?” Then AP complained about feeling used, but kept coming back for more…
So much disorder, so little time.

CumpJ
CumpJ
2 years ago

I love you, but I love myself more.

We can be friends with benefits.

Him at 43, I don’t find women over 25 attractive. (But I don’t want to let you go) Then he asks Me @ 43, let’s renew our wedding vowels, ????‍♀️Ummmm yeah nah! How about No?

KatiePig
KatiePig
2 years ago
Reply to  CumpJ

My ex said similar things about only being attracted to very young women. He told me I couldn’t expect him to be attracted to me at my age, no man can be attracted to a woman my age, it’s unreasonable to expect that. (We are the same age.) Then he told me he looks like a child in high school and I look like his mom. At 40. He said he has to keep a beard or people think he’s a teen. No one will take him seriously at work without a beard because he looks like a child.

I was so confused, everyone I told was so confused. He doesn’t look like a child at all and why would he think it was a a good thing if he did?

Because he’s an adult baby. As are his girlfriends. They wear diapers and adult size baby onesies and suck on pacifiers while they have sex. I was apparently the mean mom who wouldn’t let him play with the other babies. *shudder*

Life isWinderful
Life isWinderful
2 years ago
Reply to  KatiePig

When I confronted my ex about how young the women were that he was contacting, he’s 52 and trying for 20-25 yr old girls. He said yeah I’m not having much luck. As though I would be sympathetic to him. What a jerk.

When I found teenager incest porn on a shared computer that my 10 year old uses, I reported my ex to the Australian federal police and child protection services.
He is totally out of control. I don’t even know who that person I was with for 33 years is anymore. Sad dirty liar.

There was something someone wrote on CN a while ago that resonates deeply with me…

When you see one cockroach, chances are there are 40,000 more behind the wall, so whatever it is you have actually seen in regards to them watching porn, chance are it is worse that you could ever imagine. And it just escalates.

I will never forget the disgust I felt when I found his secret double life.

Chumpedlindyhopper
Chumpedlindyhopper
2 years ago
Reply to  KatiePig

This is the most common sign of porn addiction.

KatiePig
KatiePig
2 years ago

I didn’t know that about the adult baby thing specifically but I believe it. He definitely has a porn addiction. It’s beyond excessive. And I was stunned because I never thought he had these “fantasies” when we were married or were younger but I’ve read that porn addicts develop new perversions because they get bored. I’ve had a lot of talks with my young adult son about it and I’m hoping it serves as a cautionary tale to him. Look what dad turned himself into. He’s as horrified by it all as I am.

OHFFS
OHFFS
2 years ago
Reply to  KatiePig

Whoa! I just crossed myself, and I’m not even religious, let alone Catholic.

I wonder what % of cheaters are sexual deviants. I would guess it’s pretty high.

Sucker Punched by a Saffa
Sucker Punched by a Saffa
2 years ago
Reply to  KatiePig

????????????Jiminy Christmas

Spinach@35
Spinach@35
2 years ago
Reply to  CumpJ

OMG! This takes the cake.

LISA A MOAK
LISA A MOAK
2 years ago

Carol39–at least he said what most of them are thinking, they want their cake and eat it too, they want a cleaner, babysitter, bill payer, admin assistant, but they also want the uncommitted sex on the side. So immature and gross. Mine proposed we have an open marriage. They just can’t understand why they can’t sleep around!

QuantumChump
QuantumChump
2 years ago
Reply to  LISA A MOAK

It’s not an “open marriage” AFTER the cheater gets caught. Open marriage is an agreement PRIOR to getting naked with someone other than your spouse. Either way it wouldn’t work for me.

Backtoreality
Backtoreality
2 years ago
Reply to  QuantumChump

Yeah, mine did the ‘open relationship’ thing. Posthumously. At least five years into cheating with multiple partners.

Found out later that she’d been telling her work colleagues and our mutual friends for years that we were in an open realtionship. I was the only person who didn;t know this.

KatiePig
KatiePig
2 years ago
Reply to  Backtoreality

Mine called himself an “ethical non monogamist” while lying to me and gaslighting me. It’s funny to me now, I don’t know if he got off more with that lie or if he’s just too stupid to know what ethical means. LOL

Incandescent
Incandescent
2 years ago
Reply to  KatiePig

Inigo Montoya ” I do not think that word means what he thinks it means” LOLOL. Maybe he thinks it is a fancy way to say “frequent” or “sleazy”

kb
kb
2 years ago

About 6 months after I’d moved out and CheaterX had married Schmoopie, he discovered that Schmoopie had been cheating on him while he’d been cheating on me. She was also filing for divorce, since apparently her Married AP’s chump wife finally had had enough with the cheating and was also filing.

CheaterX left me the sad sausage voicemail, telling me I was right, that Schmoopie was in it for the money (I never told him that Schmoopie was a gold-digger. That was self evident to anyone who had half a brain). Life was hard and he’d do “anything, anything at all” to have me and the dogs back in the house.

Best line: “When the dust settles, you and I can sit down to see where we go from here.”

Uh, no. We are divorced. I am no person’s Plan B.

Of course I didn’t tell him that. No Contact is the way to peace.

Gonegirl
Gonegirl
2 years ago

My dumba$$ ex told my best friend of 20+ years that I “would be back, all she wanted was a trophy husband”

Her response: “I don’t think she’ll be back, you gave her a STD”

She proceeded to tell me he was delusional and she would not support a reconciliation.

The point to all these stories is the same. These people are personally disordered wing nuts. Staying far far away from them should be one of our purposes in life.

NoMoreNarcs
NoMoreNarcs
2 years ago

My ex wanted us to have dinner every Thursday after separation. Apparently, I was good at making him laugh. I didn’t fall for this even though months after separation I fell for a hoover and a brief wreconciliation. Thankfully, that’s all over now.

DuddersGetsChumped
DuddersGetsChumped
2 years ago
Reply to  NoMoreNarcs

Mine did something similar when joyfully setting up his new pad and being so glad about his new life in front of me and getting my daughter all involved in how exciting it was. He said let’s called it Family Headquarters No. 2 and you can come round for dinner and I’ll still come round here.

What a mindfuck. He didn’t know I knew about the affair at that point and the guilt was strong so he did a fair bit of DIY and paid half of stripping the floors and putting in a new shower and these lovely old-fashioned radiators which are known amongst my friends as the ‘radiators of guilt’.

Obviously the dinner invites were immediately curtailed once I told him I knew he’d had an affair for a year and a half. Then I was the meanest awfullest person in the world. (what a surprise hey!)

DontFeelLikeDancin
DontFeelLikeDancin
2 years ago
Reply to  NoMoreNarcs

Wow, Thursdays, that’s so specific. Glad he could squeeze you in to his busy schedule. Not.

Chumperella
Chumperella
2 years ago

On DDay: “If you and the kids really love me then you should be happy for me – I have finally found my happiness”(with OW).
Still makes me sick to my stomach – feeling queasy just typing it.

And later in multiple email and text screeds: “You have to talk to the kids and get them to talk to me. They need both parents.” Um buddy, once you left for OW my to do list regarding your needs officially ended and BTW our kids are adults and have decided not to talk to you on their own accord.

Spinach@35
Spinach@35
2 years ago
Reply to  Chumperella

“Um buddy, once you left for OW my to do list regarding your needs officially ended and BTW our kids are adults and have decided not to talk to you on their own accord.”

That’s also true of my own adult kids, contrary to what my ex says. (He says I poisoned them to go against him. Nope. He did that all by himself. It was years in the making. It wasn’t even about the affair, although that was the final straw. Turns out that years of emotional abuse will alienate the kids.)

Chumperella
Chumperella
2 years ago
Reply to  Spinach@35

It’s funny isn’t it, but for us long-timers (and sometimes our children) the affair isn’t the catalyst that brings it all down, it is the just final straw, the one that can’t be ignored or explained away with some lame excuses about trauma in his childhood. My youngest actually said that she immediately felt relieved that he was gone.

bread&roses
bread&roses
2 years ago
Reply to  Chumperella

Yes.

QuantumChump
QuantumChump
2 years ago
Reply to  Chumperella

Wow. Mine said “I’m really sorry for you dad, but I’m kinda glad mom left, the house is so peaceful now”. The biggest benefit to CL is realizing that my situation is (unfortunately) not unique. Its oddly comforting.

Claire
Claire
2 years ago
Reply to  QuantumChump

QC I feel the same. Reading everyone’s stories brings me huge comfort. It’s sad to be part of a club you didn’t want to be in, but the support and strength I gain is incredible.

AFS
AFS
2 years ago
Reply to  QuantumChump

Yes , I kicked my ex-wife out and spent my time turning the house into a home for me and the kids .
I have 50% custody – the kids refer to my place at home and her place as “mum’s house “.
But it is a reflection of what you spend your time and energy on : you can either create a home or you can be busy on tinder dates .
The way your place looks will be a reflection of your actions .

Chumperella
Chumperella
2 years ago
Reply to  QuantumChump

This ^^^

Spinach@35
Spinach@35
2 years ago
Reply to  Chumperella

Yes. Mine felt relieved. The tension in our house disappeared. None of them shed a tear to have him out of their lives.

I See Light!
I See Light!
2 years ago
Reply to  Spinach@35

Ditto. I thought it was going to be traumatic for the kids (5&10) when we left, but not a tear shed from them. It was a relief to leave and it was actually traumatic to stay. I am sorry I stayed dysfunctional with him so long. We just moved and this home is stress-free! (Except when he tries to stir it up)

NotAnymore
NotAnymore
2 years ago
Reply to  I See Light!

I hope this gives strength to the chumps out there who are “staying for the kids,” my teen didn’t shed a single tear either.

When I told him Dad wouldn’t be living with us anymore because he broke our family rules too many times, my kid just shrugged and said “okay.”

He is a calmer and happier kid now that the stress and drama is out of the house.

Spinach@35
Spinach@35
2 years ago
Reply to  NotAnymore

Why doesn’t my ex write this to me: “Hey, I respect that the kids don’t want to communicate with me, but could you reassure me that they are doing ok? ”

The guy I thought I thought I was married to would have asked that question. Alas, now that the curtain has fallen, he isn’t even pretending that he cares.

LeavingToxicTown
LeavingToxicTown
2 years ago

I asked mine how he’d feel if I was the one cheating. He said he wouldn’t like it. I asked why. He said because I was his wife. So like a possession? WTF?

He told me after d-day #3 that he deeply loves me and that he’ll do anything to rebuild our love and earn back my trust….. so d-day #4 was a month later. Also found out he hired at least one hooker during that time.

While having sex, he told me that I was so good at it, I could be paid for it. WTF?

He said his greatest fear was losing me. Um….. really? So why continue to neglect, devalue, discard, gaslight, blame shift, lie, deceive, betray….. Guess the fear wasn’t to lose me as a person, but the image and usefulness of me. Douchbag.

ChumpActualized
ChumpActualized
2 years ago

“Just give me a few months to see if I like being with her and if I don’t I’ll come back to you”

“I gave you so many chances to make me happy”

Spinach@35
Spinach@35
2 years ago

Mine said of his AP, “I know the games she plays.”

My thought: “What? And yet you still want to give up your entire life for her.”

Games R Him

Sirchumpalot
Sirchumpalot
2 years ago

“Why can’t I love two men like the men in the Bible who had more then one wife” “You don’t have Biblical grounds for divorce because I didn’t leave you for AP” “You are more attractive to me then the AP(s)” and was genuinely shocked when I was pissed that she would uglier men. There was more but she was pissed that I didn’t just forgive her and stay with her.

QuantumChump
QuantumChump
2 years ago
Reply to  Sirchumpalot

I get it. Her first (of many) AP looked like a tattooed ghostly white Shrek. My first thought was “If she found a buff tall/dark/handsome rich doctor/lawyer, I can’t compete with that, but this gorilla? WTF?

AFS
AFS
2 years ago
Reply to  QuantumChump

They always down grade .
I’m a doctor ( I leave others to judge if I’m handsome ) and athletic, have hair on my head.
She left me for an overweight, bold company rep for theatre equipment.
Sales people – bottom feeders .
During pick me dance time , I used to look at his social media photos trying to figure out what he had .
He is long blocked of course but nowadays I’d shake his hand , and thank him for all the positive changes he initiated in my life .

LeavingToxicTown
LeavingToxicTown
2 years ago
Reply to  AFS

Same here (um well, not a doctor.). I’ve been told that I’m attractive. She, on the other hand, looks like a bobble head. Friends couldn’t believe that this unattractive woman was the OW. “That’s a joke, right?” Interestingly, he would tell me that I was naturally beautiful but he could see a beautiful woman and not be attractive to her. I was also the kindest person he had ever met. I read that the AP is purposely not attractive so that FW feels more attractive. They like to use us on their arms but secretly despise us for being more attractive. All image management and completely F*cked Up.

Fearful&loathing
Fearful&loathing
2 years ago
Reply to