Stupidest Blameshifting You Got?

stupidest blameshifting

According to Andrew G. Marshall, some of the forces that compel cheaters to cheat are nagging and childrearing.

Yesterday, a chump recounted that her husband told her he cheated on her because…. she didn’t shave her armpits.

God, are cheaters reduced to such thin excuses as ARM PITS? Really? That’s the best you got?

So tell me chumps, in a just a few sentences — the stupidest blameshifting you received. The one that made you scratch your head and go, huh?

“I cheated on you because….”

You make coffee wrong.

You just didn’t need all of me, and it didn’t really take much time. (Would you begrudge someone a small hobby, Tracy?)

So chumps with hairy armpits, chumps with bad coffee, chumps with children — tell me — what’s the STUPIDEST blameshifting reason you got for being chumped?

We might have to name this contest The Andrew G. Marshall Blameshifting Compendium.

Lay it on me.

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bogie
bogie
10 years ago

He said he didn’t want “all this” When pressed, all this included the pets, and the house (dogs and cats). So he chose a girlfriend with a dog? And, he decided he wanted to keep the house (fine by me).

But seriously, he didn’t get away from “all this” now did he?

Kay Harris
Kay Harris
10 years ago
Reply to  bogie

What an idiot. It’s almost laughable.

Scoops
Scoops
10 years ago
Reply to  Kay Harris

Crazy!

An English Lady
An English Lady
10 years ago

One of the reasons my ex-H cheated on me because I was “so tired”. How very dare I! A toddler (undiagnosed autistic), a baby, a part-time job, on my own 5 days a week and he comes home at the weekend having stayed in a 5 star hotel and had 5 unbroken nights of sleep to be disappointed/annoyed/disgusted by my tiredness and then use it as one of the reasons for having an affair.

Nat1
Nat1
10 years ago

You know what….even if you weren’t tired it’d be that you jad too much energy for him. It’s a no win situation isn’t it?!

LiningUpDucks
LiningUpDucks
10 years ago

Similar here. The injustice of it is beyond words.

Nat1
Nat1
10 years ago

When we were in Turkey 3 years ago on our 2nd honeymoon “YOU were sick all the time and we couldn’t have sex.” Only HE was sick all the time and I went to bed most nights crying. 🙁 oh and apparently he is getting remarried to his new baby momma on Monday so it really must be twu wuv…..he hasn’t had any contact with our kids so no one knew. Um….

Chump in the Sand
Chump in the Sand
10 years ago
Reply to  Nat1

I was student teaching and got the chicken pox–and I WAS sick all the time!

Nat1
Nat1
10 years ago
Reply to  Nat1

Oh and ” when we first met I thought we had the same morals and values”. Sorry I disappointed you by not sinking to your level Fuckup!

Maree
Maree
10 years ago
Reply to  Nat1

Nat1, I always said that I couldn’t bring my ex husband up to my level, so he dragged me down to his!! Just before he pulled the plug, he looked in my direction but over my shoulder, so he wasn’t looking directly at me and said “not everyone has your standards you know”!! Apparently my standards were/are too high. That is what 1st attracted him to me besides my good looks (ha ha) and that is what apparently pushed him away. Damned if you do and damned if you don’t.

Akko
Akko
10 years ago
Reply to  Maree

That’s what happened to me, Maree! My ex was attracted to me because I wasn’t like “other girls” (I’m educated, with a secure full-time ‘white collar’ job, and with enough money to live comfortably), but then he said he hated feeling like he was “inferior” (he made half I did when he WASN’T “between jobs”, never finished college even though he kept saying he was going to go back, and basically a giant mooch).

Keep in mind I never rubbed it in his face (I even stopped sharing the news with him whenever I got a bonus/raise after the first time), but he said his family and friends making comments about how I was “too good for him” (jokingly) made him lash out at ME. Oh, really, don’t try and improve yourself one bit, just bring your “trophy” girlfriend down to your level! FEH!

Nat1
Nat1
10 years ago
Reply to  Nat1

Oh and our crap sex life was all my fault because he was always brought up to not believe in sex before marriage, even after 18 years of marriage. I guess getting the 22 year old slut pregnant was ok because well, he was married! Albeit to me, but he WAS married!!!!!!

PattyToo
PattyToo
10 years ago
Reply to  Nat1

Sorry you had to get smacked in the face with the cheater’s second try at marriage. That really sucks. Try to go do something special for you and your kids that day. Sending you Chump Love.
And may their marital bed be forever filled with huge and hungry bedbugs!

DeltaGirl65
DeltaGirl65
10 years ago

“You carry that dayplanner everywhere you go. You write everything down in it. If it is not written in that dayplanner, it doesn’t exist. Now, Lisa (a.k.a. OW), she wakes up in the morning. She thinks of the six things she needs to do. And she does them!”

(Of course, I was working in an executive position running a national marketing department, setting him up in YET ANOTHER business, managing a toddler and a newborn, volunteering with church, managing our household including housework and personal finances. etc. Lisa, on the other hand, was a stay at home mom who lived with her mother.)

Nicole
Nicole
10 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Priceless!! CL – you are truly the funniest woman on this earth in a good, inspiring and awesome sort of way!!

Kelly
Kelly
10 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

And what are those precious six things Lisa thinks about in the morning?:
“what time is it? Is it morning yet? Will my mom watch my toddler while I go out on another date? Which married man shall I fuck today? Should I get my nails done? Should I have a Hot Pocket for lunch?”

DeltaGirl, CL took the words right out of my mouth (except I would have worded it more as: “divorce dead-ass fuckup”).

Kat
Kat
10 years ago
Reply to  Kelly

Lol. Don’t knock Hot Pockets 😉

Telo
Telo
10 years ago
Reply to  Kelly

This. ^^^

FoolMeTwice
FoolMeTwice
10 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

(Delta scribbles in day planner… “Divorce husband.”)

Hahahaha! 🙂

Nord
Nord
10 years ago
Reply to  FoolMeTwice

My reaction as well. We should all have scribbled that.

LiningUpDucks
LiningUpDucks
10 years ago

“You never want to go out (and get drunk) with me.”

Gee, you think not? I was at home raising 2 preschoolers, while he was out at the bar and gambling.

Kat
Kat
10 years ago
Reply to  LiningUpDucks

Yep, effing Karaoke three times a week with the same people. And I don’t sing. After three years you get awfully tired of hearing the same songs. Good thing we’re not still together or I’d probably be stuck home with a newborn while he went out and had shots with “the group”. That shit is fine when you’re 23, but not in your forties. Grow the eff up! Or don’t get married and have kids because then you can’t hang out with your loser friends all of the time.

Marcie
Marcie
10 years ago
Reply to  LiningUpDucks

me too

LilyBart
LilyBart
10 years ago
Reply to  LiningUpDucks

Me too! I didn’t show sufficient interest in his hobby (ie., going to a local dive bar every night until closing).

jinx
jinx
10 years ago
Reply to  LiningUpDucks

I heard that one too.

With Brave Wings
With Brave Wings
10 years ago
Reply to  jinx

Yep, got that too! Oh and who was going to watch the baby??? Yep, he never thought about that.

LiningUpDucks
LiningUpDucks
10 years ago

“I don’t respect you anymore” for being a stay-at-home mom.

Okay, ouch that hurt, but fine, I can fix this. I got another high-paying job in my career, within months of his request. But he still couldn’t muster up any respect for me. I guess I could have guessed he had no respect because he was a serial cheater (in hindsight).

blue
blue
10 years ago
Reply to  LiningUpDucks

Well, I got, “You’re too focused on your career. I want someone who is more domestic. My second wife will be a SAHM.”

FoolMeTwice
FoolMeTwice
10 years ago
Reply to  LiningUpDucks

Ah, man, that’s hard to read. “I don’t respect you anymore” for being a SAHM. There’s just no way to win with that one. Their respect is a false contingency. Either you lose their respect because you’re “too focused on your career” or because being a SAHM doesn’t turn their crank anymore. Either way, you’re hooped.

But good on you for getting your high-paying job, Ducks. Hope it made divorcing him a whole lot more expeditious!

LiningUpDucks
LiningUpDucks
10 years ago
Reply to  FoolMeTwice

It did. I could afford a lawyer, thanks to that.

kb
kb
10 years ago
Reply to  LiningUpDucks

Sweet! Great going, LUD!

Kelly
Kelly
10 years ago
Reply to  LiningUpDucks

Good for you LUD!

ffghtr67
ffghtr67
10 years ago

“All I did was look for what I wasn’t getting at home” and “a husband should just know”…I suppose I’m supposed to be a psychic or have ESP or something. Fuck Her!

Sick of HER Chump
Sick of HER Chump
10 years ago
Reply to  ffghtr67

I got that too! Apparently I was supposed to KNOW that he was unhappy. I guess I should have realized that our conversation 4 weeks prior when I ASKED him if he was ok and he responded with “of course I am, why wouldn’t I be”, was a complete lie. Good luck to the new Owife…hope she can read his fucking mind!

horsesrcumin
horsesrcumin
10 years ago

Repeatedly asked if there was anything wrong. Nope. “I think we should get some counselling, something is off.” “Nah, don’t be silly, snooks, we’re fine.” So, I go to marriage counselling, alone, having no fucking idea why I am there. None, ‘cos I had no idea he was fucking my childhood friend, FOR FIFTEEN MONTHS, while she continued to pretend to be my friend.

Best blameshifting (and to be fair – I know, I know! – he hasn’t used it as an “excuse” more an explanation of his brain explosion for fifteen months) was that when he moved me and our kids from our “life property” in less than five weeks, by buying a huge new farm, without having sold the original, his fourth generation family property we fought to afford and convince all that we desperately wanted and would cherish seventeen years earlier (financial stress, hell yeah) WITHOUT CONSULTING ME, I lay in bed with him the night we moved and suggested I move back TEMPORARILY to run the other property from there while I got my head around it all, but that I was definitely not leaving him, just trying to share homes until I got my head straight. He cried, the first time I ever saw him full on cry in over 20 years. So, I backtracked, and promised I would never leave, I was with him, whatever the circumstances. Apparently I emotionally abandoned him that night. Mmmmm, so it’s okay to fuck a diseased whore then. Of course! Why didn’t I KNOW this shit??? Of course putting his needs first meant I emotionally abandoned him. Lord, I must be some kind of special idiot not to understand that. So, never tell me you are pissed at me, not even when I dig for about a year about why things felt “off,” although the sex, and everything else was still great, just go fuck a whore, bring disease and a sociopath into our life, into my body, that’s a perfect solution. Problem solving at its best!

Nord
Nord
10 years ago

I’m guessing many of us had similar situations. I asked ex if anything was wrong and nope, nothing, all good Nord. 6 weeks later and bam. Wish I hadn’t married a man child.

Lyn
Lyn
10 years ago
Reply to  Nord

Yes, I asked my ex all the time to talk to me. He would say “men don’t think about emotional stuff.” The only thing he’d ever talk about was work or sports. When I got upset about his relationship with a coworker I went to counseling because I thought I had a jealousy problem, an insecurity issue. I managed to talk my ex into coming to two meetings which he barely participated in, but things seem to get better after that for a few years.

When he told me he’d fallen out of love he said “We went to marriage counseling and it didn’t work.” Well, it didn’t work because only one of us was putting any effort into it!

Kelly
Kelly
10 years ago
Reply to  Lyn

Ugh, Lyn, so you go to marriage counseling because you think you are inappropriately jealous, only to find out later that you were right. And he says the marriage counseling didn’t “work?” Well of course it didn’t, unless they could have found a way to make a pathological liar (and a pretty cruel human being besides) tell the truth and grow a heart. Imagine knowingly putting your spouse through the humiliation and soul searching of believing they are insanely jealous, when in fact they were simply RIGHT. Will the mind fucks ever end???

BloomingRoseinWinter
BloomingRoseinWinter
10 years ago
Reply to  Kelly

T H I S.

TwinsDad
TwinsDad
10 years ago
Reply to  ffghtr67

Yeah, I got that one too. Here’s why we can’t read their minds, we’re not psychotic!

kb
kb
10 years ago
Reply to  ffghtr67

I am never sure how your spouse is supposed to “just know” what’ s going on unless you happen to say something like, “hey, honey, squeezing the toothpaste tube in the middle just frosts me.” Okay, it’s silly, but it’s there. I squeeze the tube from the bottom. STBX just reaches and squeezes, which is weird since he’s so anal in the rest of his life. Still, we compromised. He gets his own tube, so I don’t have to deal. Also, I introduced him to the stand-up tube that always looks neat.

So, a teensy bit of communication, an easy compromise and workaround.

This is what grownups do. They talk. They work things out.

TimeHeals
TimeHeals
10 years ago
Reply to  ffghtr67

If you aren’t “psychic” (and nobody is), it’s proof you aren’t as “spiritual” as her (see my response below for explanation of that inside joke).

MovingOn
MovingOn
10 years ago

Are you ready for this?

One of the reasons he cited for cheating is… I still can’t believe this came out of his mouth…

I was too sad when Borders closed.

Yes, I was sad when that bookstore closed, and I probably talked about it. This did not, however, involve crying, a period of mourning, obsessive discussions about it that went on for months, or any other type of extreme behavior. Aren’t you allowed to be a little bit bummed when a place you like closes? No? My bad. *eye roll*

All of the other reasons were big cliches– not enough sex, not giving him enough attention, hitting middle age, not caring for the reality of what having children really is like, etc. Of course, he then marries his AP who is older than he is and has two children of her own, so I hope that he’s enjoying the reboot of the life that supposedly drove him to an affair in the first place.

Chump Princess
Chump Princess
10 years ago
Reply to  MovingOn

MovingOn,

I laughed so hard when I read this I almost peed my pants!!!! I am an AVID (and when I say avid, I mean I never have less that two books at a time with me) reader and I, too, was sad when Borders closed. I’m sad when any bookstore closes. I don’t do the sackcloth and ashes, dress all in black or drape purple bunting, but I’m pretty fucking bummed.

What would he have done if you had been really devastated about a loss, maybe of a loved one? Hosted an orgy, Caligula style? Fucked a donkey?

You win, hands down!! Your Ex is a truly disordered POS – you are well rid of him.

MovingOn
MovingOn
10 years ago
Reply to  Chump Princess

CP, a good friend of mine was diagnosed with cancer several years ago. She went into remission and returned to work right around the time that the A hit. When I told her what was going on and how my STBX was behaving, her comment was: “What would you have done if you had gotten cancer? He would NEVER have been there for you!”

Yeah, the psycho Borders comment made that pretty evident!

Ruby Gained A Life
Ruby Gained A Life
1 month ago
Reply to  MovingOn

And yet my husband was there for every doctor appointment, lab visit, imaging study, surgery and radiation therapy when I had cancer. As in he was physically present but not emotionally there. Of course, he was the house nursing supervisor and everyone in every department knew him. He was charming and very, very shiny when we were at those appointments in the hospital where we both worked. In the car, coming and going not so much. At home, he mostly ignored me. Everyone in the whole house was comforting HIM, and sympathetic to HIM, emotionally supporting HIM because his wife had cancer. I got absolutely no emotional support until six months after I was changed to “cancer survivor” status and went to a support group for survivors. I was so used to the lack of support from him that I didn’t even notice I wasn’t getting any until I got it from the other women in that group.

Oh, and he had to cheat because my body changed with the cancer treatment. He liked long, straight blonde hair and mine grew back brown and curly. “Oh, and your stomach sticks out more than your tits, so I can’t achieve satisfaction.”

Kelly
Kelly
10 years ago
Reply to  Chump Princess

“What would he have done if you had been really devastated about a loss, maybe of a loved one? Hosted an orgy, Caligula style? Fucked a donkey?”

Princess, you’re the best I’m still laughing out loud….hard….

Lyn
Lyn
10 years ago
Reply to  MovingOn

Were you diagnosed with bibliodepression?

MovingOn
MovingOn
10 years ago
Reply to  Lyn

Yes, Lyn. I had to go straight into bibliotherapy. 😀

Kat
Kat
10 years ago
Reply to  Lyn

Hahaha..hehehe. Book jokes are funny.

ffghtr67
ffghtr67
10 years ago
Reply to  MovingOn

You win. Simply amazing.

Jayne
Jayne
10 years ago
Reply to  MovingOn

‘Yes, I was sad when that bookstore closed, and I probably talked about it. This did not, however, involve crying, a period of mourning, obsessive discussions about it that went on for months, or any other type of extreme behavior’.

Lol Lol Snort! Snort! – what else can you do when faced with such idiocy – very funny MovingOn 😀

Kelly
Kelly
10 years ago
Reply to  MovingOn

You were “too sad” when Borders closed?

OMG, MovingOn, I just sat straight up in my chair and my mouth fell open. You win the contest, jeezus these guys are freaks.

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
10 years ago
Reply to  MovingOn

That he went to a situation not any different from the one he had (but probably with a skank who doesn’t read) just shows how none of his reasons was really a reason; they were just justifications for his inability to live up to his commitments.

Nat1
Nat1
10 years ago
Reply to  MovingOn

Damn. I was sad too, if only I’d known how to fix what ailed me 🙁

TimeHeals
TimeHeals
10 years ago

I’ve covered this before, but here’s the top 4 list:

1. Socks on bathroom floor
2. Rolls eyes
3. Not ‘spiritual’ enough
4. Not a Ken doll (refused to let her pick out my clothes).

BloomingRoseinWinter
BloomingRoseinWinter
10 years ago
Reply to  TimeHeals

Jeez…Time, Compared to MY EX, You’re a SAINT.

Nord
Nord
10 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

I bitched about ex leaving clothes all over the house (and I mean everywhere) for years. This was apparently a terrible, terrible thing that I would have liked him to put him clothes in the hamper/back in the drawer/thrown over a chair in the bedroom. I’m a horrible, nagging bitch.

PattyToo
PattyToo
10 years ago
Reply to  Nord

Ugh, this brings back a memory, from the Pick Me era, when I used to sometimes tell X – Jeeze, why don’t you just leave me alone, move across the street, and she can have you!
Know what he said? ‘I can’t picture her picking up my dirty socks.’

TimeHeals
TimeHeals
10 years ago
Reply to  PattyToo

Guess he had better watch out. Socks have been known to cause cheating.

nicolette14
nicolette14
10 years ago
Reply to  Nord

now his OW can deal with his mess and picking up his dirty clothes off the floor. I wonder what she would say “oh ok sweetie, don’t worry about it” NOT! Everything he did to you, he will do it to her, now that’s the best revenge! 🙂

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
10 years ago
Reply to  nicolette14

Oh yeah, I was evil because I complained when ex dropped trash on the kitchen floor or spilled shit and left it on the floor when I should have just cleaned it up because he just didn’t notice. poor thing

nicolette14
nicolette14
10 years ago
Reply to  Datdamwuf

oh yeah, we all were evil, horrible nagging bitches! that’s why I say let their OW clean up after them, deal with all the bullshit they bring and lets see how much fun it is now and live in the real world. But now we don’t have to worry about cleaning after them and what they are doing with whom, they are someone else’s problem now and that itself is a blessing 🙂

LiningUpDucks
LiningUpDucks
10 years ago

“You don’t give me the sex I want.”

Narc translation: I want to shirk all child rearing and house-tending responsibility (even though you work full-time now, just like me) then go get drunk at the bar then come home at 3am and expect instant sex. What, you don’t feel like being woken up out of the rare bit of sleep you get while tending to a toddler and newborn? How come you’re not horny?!?

With Brave Wings
With Brave Wings
10 years ago
Reply to  LiningUpDucks

SAME! Oh, the boner shoved onto my thigh to wake me up is an instant turn on. PUH-LEASE.

kb
kb
10 years ago

And the lack of reciprocity. Hey, if you want to wake me up out of a sound sleep for sex, you have to be okay for the times when I want to wake you up? You’re not? Well then!

Lavinia
Lavinia
10 years ago
Reply to  kb

They don’t even care if it’s necessarily *better* sex. What they want is simply some “strange”, as my cousin used to say.

BloomingRoseinWinter
BloomingRoseinWinter
10 years ago
Reply to  Lavinia

Yep.

Lake
Lake
10 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Exactly. He said those very words when I found out about strip clubs 9 months after affair dday. Except he “needs” variety and can’t understand how ppl don’t.

Emily
Emily
10 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

I wasn’t a nympho and he warned me!!!!

Nord
Nord
10 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

They also want that fresh, new pussy that isn’t readily available or oh-so-familiar. Sorry my friend, but I was dealing with the same penis all those years and didn’t complain.

Current chump
Current chump
10 years ago
Reply to  Nord

I never thought of it that way Nord-even when he he had me on “penis- rations” over the years…….cuz you know he had to save his energy (any money) for the 19 year old Asian hookers

SeeTheLight
SeeTheLight
10 years ago
Reply to  Current chump

Hah! Penis Rations! I often felt that way too… even on my honeymoon! BIG RED FLAG!
Current Chump, seems like we were the ones deprived of sex and should have been the ones cheating based on cheater blame-shifting 101.

current chump
current chump
10 years ago
Reply to  SeeTheLight

Oh man SeeTheLight-I did get the same thing on my honeymoon too. He told me the sex filled honeymoons were for people who got married that hadn’t lived together before like we did………..Of course it was a HUGE RED FLAG THAT I MISSED cuz in was in Wuv with him. Blech! Little did I know he had a secret porn & hooker addiction. I’m convinced I was the chump he used to maintain a good family man/person image to the outside world to cover up what a disordered fucknut he really is

Kat
Kat
10 years ago
Reply to  current chump

We didn’t have sex on our wedding night. Come to think of it, my ex got exponentially weirder and more obnoxious the moment we got married. If he needed to act single and fuck everything that moved I honestly don’t understand what the hell possessed him to get married. I mean, I’m sure he could explain that one away, but to try for MONTHS for a baby while cheating….yeah, there’s no rationale that explains that one.

Drew
Drew
10 years ago
Reply to  current chump

Oh! I win this! After a five year courtship and eighteen month engagement, my ex spent entire wedding night out gambling and partying with his bf (and mine!) while I stayed in our hotel room with our nine month old baby. What I should have done that day was leave. It was the biggest RED FLAG….Of course he did not understand why I was so disappointed by his selfish behavior. I don’t get how these people can live with themselves when they have wasted so much of our lives with lies. Oh his best lines on wanting a divorce, ” you know I just thought getting married was something I had to do” , even when he had plenty of opportunities to end our relationship as those first few years we were attending colleges a great distance from one another. “I stayed because of the kids” and “I have been unhappy our whole marriage.” One day he was there the next day planning a future with his new love. Although looking back there were a lot of signs he wasn’t who I thought he was. 🙁 One minute an involved father the next gone! He does show up at their graduations though. Him and ugly. Yes, one can not compete with 1 new pussy, let alone 77! Hey I am not against those who want that, just practice responsible sex and DON’T MARRY (which entertains the idea of monogamy over many many years!) When I began dating the dork my ex’s father once said, “A hard dick has no conscience,” maybe I should have asked him how that was relevant!

TwinsDad
TwinsDad
10 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

“— you don’t give me the sex I want (when I want, how I want).” Of course, what I want tomorrow, next week/month/year may be different and you should know that because if you loved me you would know.

Kat
Kat
10 years ago
Reply to  TwinsDad

TwinsDad, that game is rigged. Even if you did know she would still have cheated. It’s frustrating because in a relationship we’re so close to the other person we can’t see that there is no cause and effect. There is only the completely separate unrelated decision the cheater makes.

Current chump
Current chump
10 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

THIS! Cheaters cheat because they can, they want to & feel entitled to it. And it is so easy especially for men with everything available on the internet right at their fingertips-especially when it is accessible on their smartphones………..as Tracy puts it, 77 flavors of pussy (and then some)

Kathy
Kathy
10 years ago
Reply to  LiningUpDucks

Wow, my ex said that too.

Gracie
Gracie
10 years ago

“You breastfed the children and I felt excluded from the family.”

“You are boring, our marriage is boring, we don’t have enough sex and I am entitled to my fun.”

He worked away driving trucks for weeks at a time (often his choice to accept the work away from home) leaving me to raise the children, work the farm, administer his business and work part time outside the farm. He got to sleep with truck stop whores, drink with his mates, snort speed and live his dream of zero responsibility and drive big trucks and I was no fun to be around when he came home? Especially no fun after I found out about the third affair.
Feeling excluded from the family relationship – maybe be home more often and when you are home, involve yourself in the family, take the kids to the park or just spend some time with them and you might actually be included. Ignore the kids, sleep on the couch all day, drink rum with your mates all night and talk/text on the phone for hours to your ‘customers’ (slutty married girlfriend) and you wont feel included in family life.

Sandy R
Sandy R
10 years ago
Reply to  Gracie

Gracie..Mine is a over the road truck driver as well. HIS choice to take a job that kept him away from his family, just like yours. I was home raising the children; handling the finances; working full time; holding down the fort. He’s galavanting around America, having the time of his life, and most likely screwing any lot lizard that knocked on his window. I am not sure how many long-term affairs he had..of course the 3 year one he’s in now; but I am pretty sure there was another long term affair right before this current one, because all of the same signs were there. Of course, the few times he came home he spent dozing on the couch, spending no time with me or the kids. Turns out he’d been spending the majority of his “home time” with the current whore and her family. MUCH more time with them then with ours. Best of all? His piece of shit truck driving friends knew all about the affair..and none of them cares one little bit. I was probably the running joke on the road.

Scotty
Scotty
10 years ago

“I’m 35 years old! I shouldn’t have to park on the street!”
Yes, to XW, not having a driveway = license to fuck around.

Maybe if she didn’t spend us into ruin we could’ve afforded a new house, but come on, that would’ve required a contribution on her part. Pfffffft. Not interested. Easier to just leave and find a new chump with deeper pockets.

bogie
bogie
10 years ago
Reply to  Scotty

Really? The parking situation drove her to it (no pun intended). Sheesh!

Kelly
Kelly
10 years ago
Reply to  Scotty

My kingdom for a….driveway?!? Yes that’ll solve all my problems.

Helen
Helen
10 years ago
Reply to  Scotty

We had a 3.5 car garage

Didn’t keep him home

kb
kb
10 years ago
Reply to  Scotty

I’ve not divorced mine yet, but this whole issue of spending is just nuts! If I made what STBX makes, I could afford to keep the house. Why STBX keeps running out of money, I’ll never know.

Well, it could be that living a double life is expensive, but hey, other than that! 😛

cheaterssuck
cheaterssuck
10 years ago
Reply to  kb

kb-does he even know that you know about his affair? Kudos for keeping that crap under wraps for so long while collecting evidence. You have some incredible intestinal fortitude girl!

Nord
Nord
10 years ago
Reply to  kb

Funny but since divesting myself of ex I make a hell of a lot less money but actually have enough. He was spending a lot of money on who knows what. Don’t care but it wasn’t me.

Eilonwy
Eilonwy
10 years ago
Reply to  Nord

I’ve discovered this too. I was absolutely stunned to realize how far my paycheck went (I provide entirely for our kids) once the EX (and his paycheck) had left. I knew what some of his financial excesses were . . . now I know there must have been others I didn’t know about.

Marie
Marie
10 years ago
Reply to  Eilonwy

Ditto here, I now get to bank my bonuses and my tax refund. My ex used to have them spent three times over before I even got them. I am getting a barrage of debt collectors calling – thank god I kicked him out when I did and made sure all the credit cards were paid off and cancelled all the joint ones – my credit score is golden and his is crap now. “ex, no he doesn’t live here anymore, no I will not give him a message, I try very hard not talk to him.” My biggest fear is that he will end up mooching off the kids when they are older – he still is in deep denial. I also fear identity theft since he knows all my data etc.

Kat
Kat
10 years ago
Reply to  Marie

Well it stands to reason that cheaters probably have less impulse control. So that’s going to cross over to spending. And driving as far as I can tell. Mine was incapable of forgoing his habits and crap spending to save towards anything important.

Kelly
Kelly
10 years ago
Reply to  Marie

Me too, my ex pays nothing, no child support, nada, and we used to “split” the bills for our house, etc. At least I thought we did. My ex was a financial advisor so invested and controlled our money and I obviously did not pay enough attention.

Because it seems to last soooooo much longer now that he is gone and I am paying for the same house, all the same utilities, all of our kids’ cars, all the insurances, etc., by myself. What the hell was he doing with it? Some I can guess (a double life is expensive). And the rest? I’m sure I don’t want to know.

Scotty
Scotty
10 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Eh, It could’ve been paved with gold bars and she’d have bitched that it was too slick when it rained.

Toni
Toni
10 years ago
Reply to  Scotty

Wow!

TimeHeals
TimeHeals
10 years ago
Reply to  Scotty

lol – a 3 -car garage didn’t work for me 🙂

March
March
10 years ago

I never cleaned the baseboards.

Kay Harris
Kay Harris
10 years ago
Reply to  March

Well, that’s perfectly understandable then. Clean baseboards are very VERY important.

jinx
jinx
10 years ago
Reply to  March

My laundry room-small closet- was never organized. Translation I didn’t immediately fold his clothes after drying.

Cas
Cas
10 years ago
Reply to  March

Oooo. I’ve heard that so many times! Both when I was working full time with an infant while he was getting his MBA (party school) and as a SAHM. Guess I should have known it was one of those “top signs your husband is having an affair.”

4evertrue
4evertrue
10 years ago
Reply to  March

Let me guess how many times you were helped with the house work….hmmm….I’m coming up with a bog fat zero. Am I close?

4evertrue
4evertrue
10 years ago
Reply to  4evertrue

Oops, big.

Julie
Julie
10 years ago
Reply to  March

Well there you go, it all makes sense now, sheesh!

Frannie
Frannie
10 years ago

Reason for wanting out of marriage:
I just want to be alone. Only to find out a couple weeks after I left that he was having an affair. Whats wrong with this picture……. he’s wants to be on his own alright……. with her.
Real prise!!!!!

TimeHeals
TimeHeals
10 years ago
Reply to  Frannie

That’s a more typical dating break-up line.

I just want to be alone… to pursue somebody else.
I don’t think I am ready for a relationship… with you, but there’s somebody I have my eye on that might do.

The great thing about going through a divorce is that you can look back at every dishonest line ever uttered by anybody you ever dated who dumped you and realize that they did you a favor because they spoke cheatereese.

Louise
Louise
10 years ago

I got the opposite. ” She never meant anything to me.” What the fuck??? He was willing to throw away our marriage and the love of his children for someone he dumped the minute she began to affect his image. What an asshole.

Ironically, I was also told she “worshipped” him and that’s what he needed. Truer words were never spoken, but I have never been into hero worship. At that point in time it didn’t really matter what he said. His actions told me everything I needed to know,

TimeHeals
TimeHeals
10 years ago
Reply to  Louise

Great. She doesn’t mean anything but she worships him, and he needs that.

Sounds like a match made in …. lol

nic
nic
10 years ago
Reply to  TimeHeals

Same here – she blew sunshine up his ass, I didn’t. The fact I didn’t was why he married me. And she blew sunshine up an ass that was a successful CEO married to a bitch, not the ass I had that was a financial mess and surrounding himself with idiots who made horrific decisions. trust me, I wanted the successful CEO, not the ass. Ugh.

Nord
Nord
10 years ago
Reply to  nic

I loved my ex and I was a big cheerleader for him. But after many years of marriage I wasn’t exactly looking at him with stars in my eyes, probably because I had lived through too many farts, illnesses, and various other real life experiences with him. I didn’t make me love him less but I was well beyond the gaga phase that you have when you first fall for each other. My ex is addicted to the thrill of the first attraction. Good luck to final OW. 🙂

NorthernLight
NorthernLight
10 years ago
Reply to  Nord

“My ex is addicted to the thrill of the first attraction.”

Mine too.

Next
Next
10 years ago
Reply to  NorthernLight

These idiots think that the thrill of the first attraction is love!! How pathetic!! Lust does not pay the bills, raise the children, keep a clean house! F off!!

BloomingRoseinWinter
BloomingRoseinWinter
10 years ago
Reply to  Next

Fucking adrenaline Junkies.

Kat
Kat
10 years ago
Reply to  Nord

Yes, the farts thing. What is it with these idiots over forty chasing the first attraction thing repeatedly? It’s like watching someone push against a door that says pull over and over again. Bleh. I don’t know why I even care at this point.

BloomingRoseinWinter
BloomingRoseinWinter
10 years ago
Reply to  Kat

Great Analogy about the Door.

Sick of HER Chump
Sick of HER Chump
10 years ago

I was never even given a reason. When I asked him why, he simply said “I didn’t think you would find out”. Asshole.

Sandy R
Sandy R
10 years ago

Sick of HER Chump..that’s exactly what I got, too. “I just hoped you’d never find out.” Of course not..the best of both worlds, you know. Once I found out he booked on out with the OW anyway.

Kelly
Kelly
10 years ago

Oooooh, Sick of HER Chump, that’s about what I got on D-Day. When I asked whether he intended to ever tell me before I caught him he said no, and he just kept repeating: “I just always thought we’d (he and I) would be together,” along with: “There is no reason I can give you that would make sense now.” Ya think???!?!?! At least 15 years of cheating and group sex?

Later he waffled back and forth saying he always loved me and still did (to explain why till D-Day he was still telling me daily how much he loved me) but that maybe now he loved one of his AP’s more than me and would marry her. Barf.

Chump in the Sand
Chump in the Sand
10 years ago
Reply to  Kelly

Maybe when group marriage becomes legal group sex won’t be as exciting anymore?

Kelly
Kelly
10 years ago

Ah, interesting thought CITS, yes without the edgy badness, it might just be dumb and gross!

Louise
Louise
10 years ago

Yeah, I heard that one, too. Probably shouldn’t have been caught fucking in a car during the day if he wanted to keep it a secret…

Sick of HER Chump
Sick of HER Chump
10 years ago
Reply to  Louise

My paramedic douchebag ex was caught getting out of the back of the ambulance with her! Wonder what happened in there…

Red
Red
10 years ago

“You give the kids too much attention. They add no value to my life. I’d rather have the money I spent on them than them.”

current chump
current chump
10 years ago
Reply to  Red

My stbx has said to me many times that we would have so much more money if we didn’t have to pay for daycare/pre-school for our son (when both of us work full time). Who does he think is going to watch him? I make just as much money when I had a job if not more than he does & you don’t see me complaining about paying for that. What an asshole!

ReDefiningMe
ReDefiningMe
10 years ago
Reply to  Red

Maybe triplets?

Mine said (about his 5 year old daughter) “I look at her and fell absolutely nothing.”

About his 2 year old son, “Don’t you ever feel like an unpaid babysitter?” He also wanted to know if I ever thought of “taking him back” (he’s adopted).

That was a week before final d-day, and despite lots of prior abusive behavior to me – was that first time I was really afraid, because my mommy instincts told me that he was capable of hurting the kids – since he clearly had no feelings toward them.

Fast forward – he hasn’t seen them in six years. I think that was maybe the only time in our marriage he actually told the truth.

marley
marley
10 years ago
Reply to  ReDefiningMe

I had several reasons:
1. Life with me and my kids was boring.
2. He didn’t want to have sex while I was pregnant as the baby grossed him out.
3. I didn’t give him enough attention and focused on the kids to much.
4. The OW listened to all his problems about our relationship (rather than communicate to me!)
5. I was on my phone to much- umm hello he had sent the OW 1500 text messages in a month (including 16 when I was delivering our second child!)

And so on and so on….Foff, he’s done me a fucking favour if that’s the way he is!

Red
Red
10 years ago
Reply to  marley

Marley – I got a lot of these same complaints. They won’t help with the kids to ease your burden so you CAN spend more time with them, they just complain that you’re spending too much time helping little people who can’t do anything for themselves. It’s infuriating.

As for sending texts to OW while you’re birthing his child – SO selfish! I feel your pain. XH went on a job interview out of town and called to tell me about it. I put all the kids on the phone to say hello. Length of call: 7 minutes. He then spent 3 HOURS on the phone with OW, debating the pros and cons of taking the job. Because, you know, it was HER future that was going to be impacted, not his family’s…

Kat
Kat
10 years ago
Reply to  ReDefiningMe

Sociopaths.

Kelly
Kelly
10 years ago
Reply to  ReDefiningMe

Redefining, I can sympathize. I just had this conversation with my mother this afternoon. My oldest son is graduating from law school next month, my daughter will graduate from college next year Phi Beta Kappa, and my youngest son is a handsome and active 14 year old with all the trials and tribulations of middle school. My ex left on D-Day, texted them a few times, refused my repeated suggestions he attend family counseling with them, and knows nothing about what is happening to them at this point at all. He never even asks me how our 14 year old son is doing. Ever. At. All.

His ability to detach from even his own children both frightens me and breaks my heart, our children deserve so much more than to have fathers who are monsters.

FoolMeTwice
FoolMeTwice
10 years ago
Reply to  Kelly

PS Kelly, WAY TO GO for your kids.

FoolMeTwice
FoolMeTwice
10 years ago
Reply to  Kelly

Kelly, I’m so sorry to hear this, especially when he’s missing out on some stellar achievements. My ex has also made very little effort to stay involved with my kids, and that’s been very painful for me to see. Like a snake shedding its skin: goodbye old life, and just slither away. The day after we moved out, my girls wanted to go back and clear out the last few bits from their old room. He said: “Sorry; it’s not convenient.” That was lots of fun trying to explain on the phone to my 11 year-old daughter when she was already almost there on her way back from school. One day we lived there; the next they weren’t allowed to come by for 15 minutes. And then he was actually going to text her to ask for her key back so he could give it to the housekeeper he hired right after I left. But we weren’t together nearly as long as you and your ex were, and I’m hoping my kids can detoxify and understand that is NOT how honourable men treat women–or kids. Or anyone, for that matter. You called it: “Our children deserve so much more than to have fathers [or mothers] who are monsters.” Thank GOD they have you there lighting their paths and standing for what’s right!

Kelly
Kelly
10 years ago
Reply to  FoolMeTwice

“Like a snake shedding its skin: goodbye old life, and just slither away.”

Thanks FoolMe. Your observation is so true. I’m saving that one.

My daughter told me that she can no longer have any contact with her father as “every contact is another chance for him to abandon me again.” That is what your ex is doing too, denying his own children every day.

I was online recently and a new photo of my ex appeared with “people you may know” kind of thing. His life of debauchery appears to be catching up with him from what I could see, and I know he is not doing as well as he expected financially, and recently lost another position. (Surprise! It really was me carrying us all of that time). I sometimes worry what he will do when the karma bus hits him, and I think that bus is fast approaching. I pray he latches onto one of his demented AP’s and leaves our children alone.

We are tough mamas (and papas), you will get your daughters through with your love.

Kathy
Kathy
10 years ago
Reply to  Kelly

I know Kelly,

How these men can just wipe us clean out of their lives is one thing, but the way they erase their kids (mine replaced them with the OW’s kid as easily as you’d change an old pair of shoes), is heartbreaking.

You’re right they are monsters.

Kathy
Kathy
10 years ago
Reply to  ReDefiningMe

That’s so awful ReDefining!! What a monster!

6years !! And I thought my ex was a cold, unfeeling jerk because he hasn’t seen his kids in over a year, and they’re not young, they’re 20 an 23. They are better off without him. And you and your kids are so much richer for it!

My Dad believed that family was everything, that you could have all the money and the possessions in the world, but without family, you have nothing. My XH and his Dad were all about the money. The signs were there I just had speckle in my eyes.

Lyn
Lyn
10 years ago
Reply to  ReDefiningMe

My sister’s ex told her the best thing he could do for his daughter was to stay out of her life. Turns out he was right. The guy was a womanizer and drug addict who ended up “falling off a cliff” while he was “hiking” in the middle of the night at age 35.

BloomingRoseinWinter
BloomingRoseinWinter
10 years ago
Reply to  Lyn

Did he DIE ?
PLEASE Tell me he Died.

Red
Red
10 years ago
Reply to  ReDefiningMe

Redefining – wow! “Take him back?” Like he’s a pair of curtains that didn’t match the wallpaper?

I don’t get it, I really don’t. My children has never been disposable to me, so I can’t comprehend that line of thinking. But it’s a good thing yours is out of the picture – you don’t want your kids burdened with his toxicity.

kb
kb
10 years ago
Reply to  ReDefiningMe

I absolutely do not understand these parents who blow off their kids!

Really, it infuriates me, since I know that these people are the same ones who’ll decide that they need to spend some time getting to know their progeny once the kids have grown up, i.e. after all the hard work has been done by the children’s real parent.

Red
Red
10 years ago
Reply to  kb

^^^. My XFIL walked out when XH was 17, but pats HIMSELF on the back that XH has a PhD.

XH moved out 4 years ago. Who’s he congratulating now that his kids are getting academic scholarships? HIMSELF. It’s ridiculous!

We tell him as little as possible these days…

FoolMeTwice
FoolMeTwice
10 years ago
Reply to  Red

Red, that is one of the sickest things I’ve ever heard. I can’t even imagine how even the shittiest, most absentee parent could ever think something like that, much less say it out loud, especially to the other parent!

Do you think your kids knew their dad’s real feelings? How about now?

Red
Red
10 years ago
Reply to  Red

I will NEVER forget that conversation.

I just stared at him for five minutes with my mouth open, aghast. I think it was the single nastiest thing he ever said to me. A real Twilight Zone moment, where the fun-loving man I’d spent nearly 30 years with suddenly turned into an alien I’d never seen before.

My father always put his kids first. My XH – like his father – always put HIMSELF first. The clues were there 30 years ago, and my mother saw them and tried to warn me. But I just spackled and spackled because XH was so sparkly. I won’t be fooled again.

In fact, I will be thoroughly vetting my children’s prospective mates in the years to come. No more nut jobs in the family, if I can help it!

kb
kb
10 years ago
Reply to  Red

Ugh. What a total jackass!

You didn’t make those kids by yourself, did you? Thought not. If he’d have rather had the money to spend on something else, then he should have told you he didn’t want children, and taken the comparatively simple step to ensure that would never be the case!

Kelly
Kelly
10 years ago
Reply to  Red

Red, that is vile and disgusting. I hope he never sees those children again. What a monster.

Red
Red
10 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Childrearing DOES take a lot of time, particularly when one parent does 95% of it. Had it been 50/50, or even 70/30, I could have more time for him. But no, he wasn’t willing to step up, and he still isn’t.

All these people who think child care isn’t a big deal have clearly NEVER spent much time raising kids. You have to take what they say with a grain of salt.

Sick of HER Chump
Sick of HER Chump
10 years ago
Reply to  Red

I’m speechless. My ex also thought I gave the kids too much attention, but that second part…”they add no value to my life” is awful 🙁

Miss Sunshine
Miss Sunshine
10 years ago

Many of them think/feel that but realize it’s not in their interests to SAY IT out loud. But how else can you explain abandoning your family, whether by cheating on your family time, or, in my case, bailing on them and me and just seeing them a few hours a month? Actions speak louder than words.
Obviously these people do not care about their kids. If they did, they would have acted like it.

Drew
Drew
10 years ago
Reply to  Miss Sunshine

Totally agree with All of these. Honestly, my ex did not love me. I think for all our exes love is sex. Once he stated “he could live alone and be happy,” and I believed him because he spent more time at the racquet club than he did with his family. After dday he stated that “he loves the children but they have their own lives now” (17, 19, 21. Two in HS and our son’s senior year and one left hanging as a junior in college!) and he has abandoned them too. Oh he supports them a little bit financially but it’s more for SHOW. Lol. As for spending any real time with them, like all the work part, like they are all getting through college, and dealing with life and the mindfuck he left and he is living his new shiny life w/OW. No. SOS. He is still absent. Does show up for big occasions though. And at first he even brought them souvenirs from the exotic places he travelled to, and shared how much fun he was having now with ugly. Cause it was all so new and wonderful. Yeah. Give me another Chump and I will show you a life that can be good every day. Cheaters are delusional. Sometimes I wonder what it must be like to make a decision without thinking about it. Lol

Kathy
Kathy
10 years ago
Reply to  Red

Wow Red, reading your posts it sounds exactly like my XH. Never knew he had a twin. And he doesn’t understand why his kids cut him completely from their lives. That’s my fault along with everything else.

Red
Red
10 years ago
Reply to  Kathy

A twin?! Good Lord! One is MORE than enough! Aaack!

Julie
Julie
10 years ago
Reply to  Red

Wow, holy crap that’s evil.

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
10 years ago
Reply to  Julie

What Julie said. I am shocked. Really. Poor kids. So sorry anyone ever said that to another human.

Carol
Carol
10 years ago

“You always sit in the Lazy Boy instead of on the couch with me.” (He bought the Lazy Boy for me. I assumed he knew I’d likely sit in it. Nevermind the fact that they freakin’ sell Lazy Boy couches, if he wanted me to be joined at the hip all the freakin’ time. Asshole.)

“I never felt loved by you.” (My kids, when they heard that, vowed to never speak to him again. And I guess fucking his whore co-worker made him feel loved.)

“We don’t have anything in common.” I’m assuming he meant I didn’t rock and mountain climb. Funny thing is, I didn’t do those things when he begged me to marry him, along with the fact that I wasn’t a vegetarian and he was, etc. etc. I’m not sure when it started to matter. I also note that he never liked to scrapbook. It never would have occurred to me to cheat on him and abandon him because of that. I also note that we DID have much in common. Three kids, a home, friends, family, a shared history, shared interests other than climbing and scrapbooking. In fact, up until I told him I knew he was cheating on me, he seemed to be perfectly devoted to me.

“I don’t want to be in a relationship right now.” (Gee, how nice of you to unilaterally make that decision for me, too.) WTH???

NorthernLight
NorthernLight
10 years ago
Reply to  Carol

Exactly to your next to last paragraph. I was told that I was not a musican.

Lyn
Lyn
10 years ago
Reply to  Carol

Yeah, mine said we never had anything in common but the kids. After 36 years together that really hurt. He told my youngest son “this has been coming for a long time.” I sure wish he’d have told me and I wouldn’t have wasted so many years waiting for him to come back from business trips!!!

Chrissybob
Chrissybob
10 years ago
Reply to  Carol

UGH the we don’t have anything in common – that one was the killer because in his mind he did all these things but in reality he wasn’t doing any of them. He’s a runner….but he only runs like 1-2 times a month? He snowboards but hasn’t gone in years? He simultaneously berated me for not having anything in common and at the same time said I needed to do things by myself, on my own.

TimeHeals
TimeHeals
10 years ago
Reply to  Carol

I said it up-upthread, but “I don’t want to be in a relationship right now” is just classic break-up nonsense speech if you are in a relationship with that person. Now, if they are cheating, it’s “I don’t want to be in a relationship with you because I am pursuing somebody else”, but in any case it’s somebody being passive and using your ego against you instead of just saying, “I don’t want to be in a relationship with you anymore”, and it works because your first thought was probably about yourself “What do you mean you don’t want to be in a relationship? You are in one with me!”, but it’s not about you. It’s about them.

It’s just a dishonest thing to say. “It’s not you; it’s me” is more honest because that’s only a half-truth, IMO. It is them. They found somebody else. It’s all about them. You aren’t part of the equation.

coralf
coralf
10 years ago
Reply to  TimeHeals

Nope. You definately aren’t part of the equation

Red
Red
10 years ago
Reply to  Carol

“I don’t want to be in a relationship right now.” (Gee, how nice of you to unilaterally make that decision for me, too.) WTH???

^^^This ticked me off as well. XH made the decision to divorce without bothering to discuss it with me, as if my input was of no importance. Now, I discuss very little with him – just the facts, ma’am. He doesn’t deserve more.

Kathy
Kathy
10 years ago
Reply to  Red

Wow Carol, what an ass.

And I too, Red and Carol, heard that from him, he was so full of anger and hate when he said it. I wasn’t given a choice either, no input, no discussion…but I was the horrible person.

nutmegpixy
nutmegpixy
10 years ago

My father wasnt around when i was growing up.
I was sexually abused…
I have trouble making friends
I didnt cheat on you..I was helping a buddy buy hotel rooms and jewlery..
God told me to let go…of you and the kids
A girl was in the room but i swear nothing happened!

Harmonysmine
Harmonysmine
10 years ago
Reply to  nutmegpixy

“God told me to let go…of you and the kids.” Unbelievable….

FoolMeTwice
FoolMeTwice
10 years ago
Reply to  Harmonysmine

Ah yes, the old “burning bush” defense. Gotta love that one.

Julie
Julie
10 years ago

Occasionally(I would say this) when he would abandon me and the kids every weekend, I would make a joke just like on the movie the Hangover, “what happens in Vegas stay in Vegas……. . He said he took that to mean that for the last 5 years we had an open marriage. It was a fucking joke, idiot! That boy is not too swooft.

Kathy
Kathy
10 years ago

9 years ago when our son was 14, he made a circle in that little patch of grass to the side of our house while mowing the lawn for the first time, and instead of yelling at him like my ex I had the audacity to think it was creative and funny.

When I was battling cancer, I only cleaned up the dog poop from the back yard once a day NOT every time they went out.

I didn’t think his jokes about child, animal or spouse abuse were funny like the OW does.

Every time I got sick I took care of myself and didn’t devote all my attention on him.

Chump in the Sand
Chump in the Sand
10 years ago
Reply to  Kathy

” when our son was 14, he made a circle in that little patch of grass to the side of our house “… of course your ex wouldn’t find that funny. He knows that the crop circle is the signal for his family to come and find him to take him home.

Kathy
Kathy
10 years ago

OMG Chump in the Sand that’s so funny!!! I can’t stop laughing. My son will get a huge kick out of that ! Thanks for the smile!

Kelly
Kelly
10 years ago
Reply to  Kathy

Oh hahaha CITS, that is hilarious!

Michelle
Michelle
10 years ago

“I cheated on you because you didn’t wear enough make- up.” I guess going to grad school full-time, working, raising 3 small children and taking care of a house and yard largely by myself didn’t leave me enough time for eyeliner and contouring eye shadow. So very sorry. It must have been horrible to see my naked eyelids every day. I understand why you HAD to screw somebody who looked like she collided with an Avon truck.

NewChump
NewChump
9 years ago
Reply to  Michelle

I was given a hard time for not wearing high heels!

coralf
coralf
10 years ago
Reply to  Michelle

You don’t wear toenail polish anymore…

( But not wearing make-up wasn’t an issue o_O )

bogie
bogie
10 years ago
Reply to  Michelle

“I understand why you HAD to screw somebody who looked like she collided with an Avon truck.”

OMG – that is sooo funny!

Ashley
Ashley
10 years ago

-I called him stupid 1 time at a party 5 years ago (which I did apologize for and never let happen again)
-he asked my opinion on the placement of the light fixture in the shed, I told him I didn’t like it and preferred it to be in its old location
-I got mad because we had plans and instead of doing the plans with me, he interrupted them to help an acquatinance move and I told him I felt like I was playing second fiddle to everyone else….this meant I was selfish
-I took the loss of my best friend of 15 years too hard

Man, I beat myself up over those things for nearly 2 years because they were all true. Now I just laugh

4evertrue
4evertrue
10 years ago
Reply to  Ashley

Ashley,
Don’t you just love the selfish projection crap? Ugh.

Condolences on the loss of a long time friend. That’s a tough one. Peace.

Amy
Amy
10 years ago

“It’s been dead for years.”

bogie
bogie
10 years ago
Reply to  Amy

Oh yeah, he hadn’t loved me for 10 years. Then when I asked “Really? since you went to [bikefest]?”

When put that way he decided it hadn’t been 10 years, but had “been a while”. Yeah, whatever.

Bella
Bella
10 years ago
Reply to  Amy

Oh, I got a variation of this one! “Our marriage was dead for years. I am just the coroner calling the time of death” .

jinx
jinx
10 years ago
Reply to  Bella

Our marriage was dead for ten years.

coralf
coralf
10 years ago
Reply to  jinx

Yep. This is on page one of “Cheaters 101”.

Didn’t stop him from bringing me flowers, sending me affectionate smses and taking romantic baths with me the week before BD. I guess you have to keep the kibbles going somehow!!!

It Is What It Is
It Is What It Is
10 years ago
Reply to  coralf

I got this: “you killed our love in Arizona 10 years ago so I didn’t feel married.” Giving himself permission to find love elesewhere with a double life of debauchery. So of course being the chump that I was I asked HIS forgiveness and pleaded for him to tell me what I could do to fix it. I asked him what specifically I had done to “kill our love” and he really couldn’t tell me anything. The only concrete answer he gave was that I had forced him to have a fourth child, our only daughter. Wow, I was floored because I’m pretty sure he was in on her conception plus she is the most delightful, beautiful person What a douche!!!

With Brave Wings
With Brave Wings
10 years ago
Reply to  coralf

My ex wanted another baby just 6 weeks before he started the affair. Then, after I found out about said affair, he also said “our marriage has been over for a very long time now.” Ha, but 6 weeks prior, he wanted that baby. They are masters at re writing history. Pathetic losers.

Nord
Nord
10 years ago

Our marriage was crumbling for 1, 2, 4, 5 10 years. Take your pick depending on the day and the weather. Yet I heard how much he loved me every single day.

marley
marley
10 years ago
Reply to  Nord

I also had the “we lost the love” speech! Was news to me buddy, you used to tell me you loved me everyday! When I asked why he used to tell me he loved me he said “I was just telling you what you wanted to hear!” Bastard glad to be rid of him!!

Kathy
Kathy
10 years ago
Reply to  Nord

It’s the ever changing timetable I heard too, as I’m sure so many of us have. I couldn’t keep track (and neither could he) as to how many years it was. And then I stopped caring.

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
10 years ago
Reply to  Nord

“Our marriage was already dead” has to be the quintessential cheater phrase, I’m sure we all heard some version of that at least once.

Kammie
Kammie
10 years ago

This is the gem that I got just last week:

“There was obviously something seriously wrong in our marriage that caused me to do it.”

“It” being checking out of our 35 year marriage to spend two years and half our life savings on private sex chats with his online, video slut – the one that was his “girlfriend in real life.”

Seriously wrong? As far as I knew we were still deeply in love, had an abiding respect for each other and looking forward to spending the rest of our lives together. But I’m being “hard and unforgiving” because “it was just a game and it was FUN!”

The constant lies, the blatant disrespect, the selfishness and supreme sense of entitlement don’t feel particularly fun to me.

Diana L
Diana L
10 years ago
Reply to  Kammie

“There was obviously something seriously wrong in our marriage that caused me to do it.” This is one of the weird things that comes from the way our society looks at affairs. The guy doesn’t know what’s wrong with his marriage or what made him cheat, but he’s positive that something about the marriage must be wrong because he did something bad and that can’t possibly be about him.

current chump
current chump
10 years ago
Reply to  Diana L

THIS. Of course it is never about them……………my stbx thinks he walks on water, is god’s gift to women, and poops in little baggies with bows…………..

Miss Sunshine
Miss Sunshine
10 years ago
Reply to  Kammie

“There was obviously something seriously wrong in our marriage that caused me to do it.”

You DO know that half the shit that comes out of their mouth was whispered into their ear by the AP, right? And then they bring it home and drop it like it’s REALLY insightful and interesting. Because it seemed like SUCH a revelation when it was said by The One Who Can Do No Wrong.

Idiots.

KarenE
KarenE
10 years ago
Reply to  Miss Sunshine

Yeah, my narc ex’s mistress told him the kids would be fine if I kicked him out. THAT he took seriously. So seriously he then went on to use the kids entirely to fulfill his needs, never thinking of their well-being or the consequences for them (by his own admission) for a year and a half, until they started refusing to have anything to do with him. And of course, I later find out that the OW’s kids are pretty fucked up – maybe because she cheated on their dad, leading to that divorce? Maybe because her current bf (my ex) is also a self-centered asshole?

The stupidity is monumental.

Nord
Nord
10 years ago
Reply to  KarenE

Final OW told ex the kids would be fine. Why? Because her father cheated on her mother and it only took her a year to get over it. Of course, she has a fucked up relationship with her parents but nope, she’s fine!

Still a Chump
Still a Chump
10 years ago
Reply to  Nord

So fine that she spreads her legs for married men. Boy, she’s just fine!

Nat1
Nat1
10 years ago
Reply to  Kammie

See now this shit puts me off relatipnships for life!

Bella
Bella
10 years ago

Wow! I thought I was the only one with craptastic excuses thrown at me:
1. Your post-partum depression affected me more than you.
2.Your professional success makes you a bad wife. You are not the boss of me.
3. You only care about the children and your career, your family (and his) and our friends. I get the left overs.
4. You conned me into believing that our sex life would always be great. Now you are always tired and boring in bed (i.e. I am not into porn and super kinky sex, preferences he developed after 18 years together). And you never bothered to lose the baby weight.
5. You painted our bedroom purple – I hate purple (I asked and he told me he didn’t care)
6. I always make the coffee in morning for you, you never make it for me (because I am making the breakfast for everybody – and we have a freaking Kuering machine!!!!!)

marley
marley
10 years ago
Reply to  Bella

Bella what a selfish prick!,

I found out about my STBXH’s affair a few weeks after giving birth and he told people that our marriage problems were due to post natal depression!! Not him having bum sex with a whore from work!!

With Brave Wings
With Brave Wings
10 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

I asked for a Kuerig and that was me wanting to “keep up with the Joneses.” REALLY?!?!?!

kb
kb
10 years ago

I actually am not a huge Kuerig fan, but STBX desperately wants one. Why, I don’t know, since I know that he’d not actually use it. I mean, it’s a kitchen thing and he does not do kitchen anything.

However, I’ll be thrilled to take the Bona Vita and the burr grinder with me–both of which I bought–and then he can buy his own damn Kuerig and have OW make coffee for him from it!

TimeHeals
TimeHeals
10 years ago
Reply to  kb

No offense to Kuerig users, but my ex was a fan of those too, but… they make the coffee have a plastic undertone (probably the little plastic cups getting hot) kind of like how new coffee makers have similar after-tastes until they get broke in.

Nord
Nord
10 years ago

Ugh. Ex insisted we move into an upscale area that he’d been keen on for years. It wasn’t really my kind of place but decided to give it a go. When I kicked him out it was ‘And you just want to swan around like the bored rich housewife!’. Yeah, um, no.

Psyche
Psyche
10 years ago
Reply to  Bella

“1. Your post-partum depression affected me more than you.”

God almighty… Actually, all of these are unfathomably terrible. But yep, I heard several of them, too. Aren’t you glad you’re free? I know I am!

Kat
Kat
10 years ago
Reply to  Psyche

“1. Your post-partum depression affected me more than you.”

What a selfish piece of shit. Seriously.

Bella
Bella
10 years ago
Reply to  Psyche

Psyche, I am still in the process of getting rid of this douchbag, but yes, I am very glad I will soon be free. A pity I wasted almost 20 years of my life on this BS.

4evertrue
4evertrue
10 years ago

Verbatim, “I never would have cheated on you in the beginning but you changed.”
Translation, I expected things like time and truth in some consistent manner instead of continued chaos and confusion, so he had to.
I wanted a partner not a panderer.

Nord
Nord
10 years ago
Reply to  4evertrue

You weren’t supposed to grow and change and develop as a person…didn’t you know that wasn’t part of the deal? You were supposed to stay frozen in time, looking, acting, thinking and being exactly like you were in that window of falling in love. Sheesh. EVERYONE KNOWS THIS!

4evertrue
4evertrue
10 years ago
Reply to  Nord

Silly me. Yea, I’d lost weight and got a better job, owned my own home, loved his kids, worked at getting along with his ex. She and I actually threw the kids a b day party together shortly before d day. The girls and all their friends loved it.
I probably should have apologized like the quackmeister said I should have done!
(snark)

Kat
Kat
10 years ago
Reply to  4evertrue

Damn. Do you know the reason why he and his ex divorced?

4evertrue
4evertrue
10 years ago
Reply to  Kat

Yea Kat, he’s a serial ass. The same woman that his ex caught him with twice had apparently been around the whole time we were together.
So why be with me at all?

Kat
Kat
10 years ago
Reply to  4evertrue

Damn, I feel for you. I was a step-mom to two kids that I really loved. My ex married me and knocked me up in the middle of all sorts of nasty sexual activities so he was well aware of what he was. I think at that time he liked having someone take care of his kids and provide extra financial stability. But I also don’t understand what hell he was thinking making a baby knowing full well it would mean a larger commitment on his part in every way.

They must be able to do this shit because they have a divided personality. They keep thinking they can get it all without having to put anything in. What they don’t realize is that you have to choose…either being married and committed with a family or being single and chasing tail. The two things don’t go together. That isn’t a failure to obtain happiness, that’s just fucking life. I don’t think they ever realize it though and continue to Jekyll and Hyde it.

Kat
Kat
10 years ago
Reply to  Kat

Yeah, I told the idiot I’d be gone if he ever cheated. It took me a while to get proof but I told him I was leaving the day I found out. What’s so weird is that when we were first together he couldn’t lie to save his life. Boy did he become an expert at it. Lie lie lie.

PattyToo
PattyToo
10 years ago
Reply to  Kat

The cozy home life, loving wife, kids looking up to you…..AND dirty, hidden sex no one’s supposed to ever find out about.
They honestly think they can pull that off.
(We aren’t that dumb)

4evertrue
4evertrue
10 years ago
Reply to  4evertrue

I started to get “crazy” thoughts of him cheating when some strange stuff started happening on the stepmom support site I was on which he knew all about. Long story short, she trolled me and after he got tossed out, never was the “new member” heard from again. Surprise!