Dear Chump Lady, I just finished reading your book. Your words about using caution when finding the right therapist were life changing for me. I found out after 24 years of marriage that my husband had been having an affair for over a year. In the many counseling sessions I have attended since D-Day, I […]
Dear Chump Lady, What’s my ‘role’ in the break-up?
Dear Chump Lady, I have started my divorce, working on the settlement, and I’m a few months after my D-Day with a spouse of 20+ years. The cheater is planning to marry the Other Woman. He told me a few months ago that we need to go our separate ways, etc. So I’m on the […]
The Pollyanna Blameshift
When fuckwits are caught doing something they shouldn’t, there are only a few moves on the chessboard. Admit it. Deny it. Or blameshift it. Although there is a certain elegance in just denying wrongdoing — It never happened! (aka gaslighting) — the more pernicious mindfuckery is blameshifting — Okay, it happened, but the real crime is […]
Stupid Shit I Thought About Infidelity Until It Happened to Me
In the past, we’ve catalogued Stupid Shit Other People Say about cheating. However, I feel it’s only fair to acknowledge that I was once capable of saying such stupid shit myself. Maybe you were too. One lasting gift of infidelity is that you’re never so smug again. What did I learn? Well, I thought I’d make a […]
Cheating Wife Needs a ‘Safe Space’
Dear Chump Lady, I got married 3 years ago and recently my wife and I had a baby. My wife and baby are both gorgeous, by the way. But a few weeks ago at a therapy session my wife wanted me to go to with her (she’d been a little depressed lately) — I was […]
Which Came First, The Dead Marriage or the Affair?
Dear Chump Lady, I spend a lot of time thinking about the chicken and egg question — which came first, the death of the marriage or the affair? My soon-to-be-ex said that it was never good from the beginning, (which would be 35 years ago). I know that isn’t true, but I don’t know when things started to go bad. […]
Blameshifting Jujitso
Today’s Fun Friday Challenge is flip the blameshifting script. Slam it on the mat and bounce it a few times for good measure. In yesterday’s post, BeardBoy was told his wife had to cheat because he was a homebody and didn’t throw enough parties. He wrote: I never thought being a responsible father and husband […]
Dear Chump Lady, How did he turn into a douche?
Dear Chump Lady, First time chump and I would have bet my life on the fact I’d never be in this position. I had a genuinely lovely husband, together 14 years, married 8 years. My best friend and partner and a nicer man you would have struggled to meet. We got through 7 recurrent miscarriages […]
“I Didn’t Mean To” Debunked
Dear Chump Lady, I was married to a very lovely man for 15 years. He was “nice,” yet he needed parenting. That’s where I came in. There were days when I felt as though I were married to a teenager. He was self-sufficient, held a job, appeared responsible with money, but he CONSTANTLY made bad […]
The Fog Comes Softly on Little Cheater Feet
I was going to write a column today, but I realized this morning I was out of milk. And that meant no oat squares for breakfast. Plus, I had squandered all of the blueberries on my husband yesterday (and milk) making him a milkshake. So I wasn’t in my right mind when I did the […]
