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Why Is He So Mad at Me?

December 30, 2020 by Chump Lady

Voodoo doll

Dear Chump Lady, My husband and I were together for 8 years. We moved overseas together shortly after our wedding 2 years ago, so I could attend graduate school. He found a job in the new country and I thought we had a good life! Then, COVID happened, and since he was an essential worker, […]

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Blameshifting, DARVO, Gaslighting, Untangling the Skein

When the Other Woman Was a Frienemy

November 2, 2020 by Chump Lady

Dear Chump Lady, I struggle so much with my situation. My husband of 15 years had an affair with someone I considered a close friend. For over a year. Their lies and manipulation are astounding. We went on trips together with our families (she’s a stay at home mom and was married with kids too), […]

Filed Under: Blameshifting, Other Women, Switzerland Friends Tagged With: Blameshifting

“Our Marriage Was Already Over”

July 30, 2020 by Chump Lady

Here’s some one-size-fits-all cheater bullshit for you — “Our marriage was already over.” Cheaters say it to affair partners, “We’re all but divorced!” “We’re separated!” “Just roommates!” And cheaters say it to their spouses when they’ve been discovered cheating. Our marriage was already over. Well, yes, it is now. But did chumpy you get that […]

Filed Under: Blameshifting, Cake Eating, Pick me dance Tagged With: Blameshifting, Marriage Over

The Wrong Pickle and Other Sins

July 10, 2020 by Chump Lady

If you’re responsible for their cheating, (thanks RIC!) then it stands to reason you’re responsible for all the other slings and arrows of their outrageous annoyance too. In Tuesday’s column, The Mindfuckery of Reverse Victim Offender, “Xmaschump” shared a gem. “I got chased down in the shower with xh holding a pickle that he needed […]

Filed Under: Blameshifting, Trust that they suck Tagged With: Blameshifting, false equivalence

‘Maybe He Was Right About Me?’

June 8, 2020 by Chump Lady

Dear Chump Lady, I was totally blindsided by my husband a year ago. (Before D-Day I’d say we were a happy marriage, you heard it thousands of times…) He cheated, I was shocked (perfect life we had, right?), antidepressants, reconciliation, later it turns out he was still in contact with his co-worker, then he fell […]

Filed Under: Blameshifting, Trust that they suck, Untangling the skein of fuckupedness Tagged With: Blameshifting

Why Blame the Chump?

May 19, 2020 by Chump Lady

Dear Chump Lady, Why are these so called experts so rabid about blaming chumps for their part in creating a situation where they got betrayed? Can’t they just admit that cheaters are sick fucks?  Ugh. I loved my ex-husband and he knew it.  I did the whole forgiveness thing and he acted remorseful and ultra […]

Filed Under: Blameshifting, Quacks, Reconciliation, Trust that they suck Tagged With: Blameshifting

‘I Thought You Were Okay With It’

March 23, 2020 by Chump Lady

This nugget of Stupid Shit Cheaters Say was recently submitted to me: “Let’s be honest. You’ve had another man in your life for the past 5 years”. This is referring to our 5-year-old son! “I thought you were ok with it. Whenever I went out, the next day you just asked if I had fun.“ […]

Filed Under: Blameshifting, Narcissism Tagged With: Blameshifting

So Why the Hell Isn’t She Happy Now?

March 12, 2020 by Chump Lady

Hi Chump Lady, So my wife had an affair and after being found out asked for a trial separation. She said she had been “struggling with her feelings for me”, that whilst I was a great dad and someone she admired, she had changed and we had “drifted apart”. Yadda Yadda Yadda. I told her […]

Filed Under: Blameshifting, Cheaters Decoded, Trust that they suck Tagged With: Blameshifting, Happiness

Is He Gay? A Lost Soul? A Sex Addict?

February 27, 2020 by Chump Lady

Untangling the skein of fuckupedness

Dear Chump Lady, I’m writing to you as I was forwarded your website by my therapist. I found myself in a shrink’s chair when I caught my husband out meeting a gay man he had found on Adam4Adam. My husband and I have been together for seven years, married for 2.3, separated since Valentines Day. […]

Filed Under: Gay cheating, Untangling the skein of fuckupedness Tagged With: Blameshifting, Gay husband, Untangling the Skein

‘My therapist wants to know how I caused my husband to cheat’

December 23, 2019 by Chump Lady

Dear Chump Lady, I just finished reading your book. Your words about using caution when finding the right therapist were life changing for me. I found out after 24 years of marriage that my husband had been having an affair for over a year. In the many counseling sessions I have attended since D-Day, I […]

Filed Under: Blameshifting, Quacks, Reconciliation Tagged With: Bad therapy, Blameshifting

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