Dear Chump Lady, First time chump and I would have bet my life on the fact I’d never be in this position. I had a genuinely lovely husband, together 14 years, married 8 years. My best friend and partner and a nicer man you would have struggled to meet. We got through 7 recurrent miscarriages […]
“I Didn’t Mean To” Debunked
Dear Chump Lady, I was married to a very lovely man for 15 years. He was “nice,” yet he needed parenting. That’s where I came in. There were days when I felt as though I were married to a teenager. He was self-sufficient, held a job, appeared responsible with money, but he CONSTANTLY made bad […]
The Fog Comes Softly on Little Cheater Feet
I was going to write a column today, but I realized this morning I was out of milk. And that meant no oat squares for breakfast. Plus, I had squandered all of the blueberries on my husband yesterday (and milk) making him a milkshake. So I wasn’t in my right mind when I did the […]
‘Is it my fault my ex ran off with our nanny?’
Dear Chump Lady, My ex-husband cheated and ran off with the nanny. According to my ‘friends’ and family, it’s all my fault and they knew all along that this was coming. I feel like I’m being abused and cheated on all over again when they say these things. Can you please please put these sentences […]
Playing the Victim?
Dear Chump Lady, During my shock of learning and trying to understand why he cheated on me, when I thought we had a great relationship (he was full of remorse after girlfriend #1 and begged for forgiveness..) — he is now leaving me for girlfriend #2. I have stated the obvious to him that what […]
Dear Chump Lady, Why do people assume cheating is the chump’s fault?
Dear Chump Lady, I’ve recently been pondering something that irks me, and would really appreciate your opinion. In various conversations with some friends over the last couple of years, if a case of infidelity is ever discussed, usually the first thing people comment on, is their opinion of the chump. For example: A dear friend […]
Let’s blame the children?
An alert chump sent this article in Today’s Parent: “What happens after the affair—when you have kids?” Apparently, children are hindering Otherwise Good People from their journeys of epic self-discovery. What with their teething and their sticky fingers and inconvenient vulnerability, mommy and daddy can’t get any sleep, no I mean strange. What are you […]
Dear Chump Lady, Is pain a choice?
Dear Chump Lady As I try to heal in the most graceful way (suppressing my revenge fantasies) this is what I am struggling with… Like many of you, I buy self-help books, read blogs, watch videos. One of the major shifts for me has been on a spiritual level (not religious – more like healing […]
Tell Me How You Suck
I have a confession. I make pasta wrong. Also coffee. Also stewed tomatoes. Moreover, I cannot properly close a drawer and because of this I am crazy and should be medicated. These are just a few of the myriad ways in which I suck, according to fat, bald, thrice-divorced (although the body count could be […]
Dear Chump Lady, Do cheaters blameshift?
Dear Chump Lady, I was wondering if this is a common saying that chumps hear on D-day. Upon discovering my husband’ s texts to another person, he quickly said, “I’m done!” I answered with, “You’re done? I’m the one that’s done!” Here’s the kicker — he then says, “You’re doing exactly what she wants you […]
