Chump Lady, Please help me respond to well-meaning therapists or friends who say hurtful things like “You need to do self examining to see what it is about you that allowed yourself to be treated that way.” Have heard this way too many times I need a good response! The best I could come up […]
‘Bagged Salad’ and Other Excuses
You drove ’em to it. That’s the blameshifting of the RIC and cheaters themselves. Your superpowers of suckitude could launch a thousand ships or create Adult Friend Finder accounts. You! You did that! So, Today’s Friday Challenge, by popular demand, is to share all the “bagged salad” reasons given. FourLeaf shared the genesis story of […]
Idolized, Devalued and Dumped
Dear Chump Lady, I’m a professionally successful gay man in his mid-thirties. I live and work in the U.K. as a doctor and am on the cusp of my board level examinations. I should be the equivalent of an attending within a year. With me, for the last five-and-a-bit years, until the end of February […]
What Makes the New Guy Better?
Dear Chump Lady, I wasn’t married, but had been seriously dating someone for a year. I know this is nothing compared to a long marriage with kids and a house etc…but… It’s been 7 months since D-day and 6 months of no contact, yet I still have days where I feel like I’m slogging up […]
Jealousy and ‘Just Friends’
Dear Chump Lady, My wife and I were having issues. It got incredibly bad. I found evidence of something going on. I got suspicious when she suddenly was wearing kits of makeup and sexy underwear, I didn’t get to see. So I accused her of cheating when I saw a message. She admitted having feelings […]
‘I Haven’t Been Happy for a Long Time’
The other week someone asked me to decode, “I haven’t been happy for a long time.” (Also sometimes expressed as “WE haven’t been happy for a long time.”) It’s trotted out when the chump is looking for an explanation as to why their family life just blew up. Well DUH. “I haven’t been happy for […]
Why Is He So Mad at Me?
Dear Chump Lady, My husband and I were together for 8 years. We moved overseas together shortly after our wedding 2 years ago, so I could attend graduate school. He found a job in the new country and I thought we had a good life! Then, COVID happened, and since he was an essential worker, […]
When the Other Woman Was a Frienemy
Dear Chump Lady, I struggle so much with my situation. My husband of 15 years had an affair with someone I considered a close friend. For over a year. Their lies and manipulation are astounding. We went on trips together with our families (she’s a stay at home mom and was married with kids too), […]
“Our Marriage Was Already Over”
Here’s some one-size-fits-all cheater bullshit for you — “Our marriage was already over.” Cheaters say it to affair partners, “We’re all but divorced!” “We’re separated!” “Just roommates!” And cheaters say it to their spouses when they’ve been discovered cheating. Our marriage was already over. Well, yes, it is now. But did chumpy you get that […]
The Wrong Pickle and Other Sins
If you’re responsible for their cheating, (thanks RIC!) then it stands to reason you’re responsible for all the other slings and arrows of their outrageous annoyance too. In Tuesday’s column, The Mindfuckery of Reverse Victim Offender, “Xmaschump” shared a gem. “I got chased down in the shower with xh holding a pickle that he needed […]
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