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Reconciliation with the Timid Forest Creature

February 22, 2021 by Chump Lady

timid forest creature

After you’ve been cheated on, you’d think it’s a pretty simple decision tree — reconcile or divorce. Choose divorce, it doesn’t matter if your cheater is sorry or not sorry, the infidelity is a deal breaker. If you choose reconciliation, however, the matter of How Sorry Are They comes to the forefront of the decision. […]

Filed Under: Gaslighting, Reconciliation Tagged With: Genuine Imitation Naugahyde Remorse, Reconciliation Industrial Complex, Sorry Not Sorry 222 Comments

We Reconciled… He Cheated Again

February 16, 2021 by Chump Lady

The Unicorn of Reconciliation

Hi Chump Lady, I just finished your book… For the second time. Two years ago I found out he had an affair with a 20-something from work. (He was 56 at the time). We were married for 30 years at the time, and, things were great. We traveled, socialized, and had great sex. I thought […]

Filed Under: Reconciliation, Sex addiction Tagged With: reconciliation, Reconciliation Industrial Complex, Sex addiction

Debunking ‘Affair Fog’

December 8, 2020 by Chump Lady

Dear Chump Lady, My husband had drunk sex with a woman who works for him when our little boy was 9 months old and we had been married for just a couple of years. He was remorseful (well he cried a bit and said sorry and, hey, at least he told me — yeah right, […]

Filed Under: Blameshifting, Fog, Trust that they suck Tagged With: Affair fog, Reconciliation Industrial Complex

‘Why Do Reconciliation Bloggers Annoy Me?’

November 30, 2020 by Chump Lady

Dearest Chump Lady, Why does the Reconciliation Industrial Complex annoy me so much? I don’t want to name any names, but while looking for support groups, I come across a Twitter of an infidelity survivor who has done podcasts, books, you name it. After some research I find out it’s only been two years. The […]

Filed Under: Hopium, Limbo, Reconciliation Tagged With: reconciliation, Reconciliation Industrial Complex

UBT: Gottman’s ‘Reviving Trust After an Affair’

July 16, 2020 by Chump Lady

Yesterday, when we discussed Gottman’s The Four Horseman as an instrument of cheater mindfuckery, an alert chump sent me further reading on the Gottman’s. Apparently they were gods of relationship research and then seem to have veered off the rails into full blown Reconciliation Industrial Complex madness. I give you this sales and marketing pamphlet, “Reviving […]

Filed Under: Blameshifting, Quacks, Reconciliation Tagged With: Gottman, reconciliation, Reconciliation Industrial Complex

UBT: “Your Cheating Spouse Is the Victim, NOT You!”

July 9, 2020 by Chump Lady

Oh hey, were we talking about DARVO this week? (Deny, attack, reverse victim offender.) Do I ever have a heaping pile o’ mindfuckery for you today. Introducing Reconciliation Industrial Complex therapist quack, Dr. Robert Huizenga. A chump on his mailing list sent me his super special offer to Save My Marriage from my imaginary trauma. […]

Filed Under: Blameshifting, Quacks, Reconciliation, universal bullshit translator Tagged With: Dr. Robert Huizenga, reconciliation, Reconciliation Industrial Complex

Is It Okay to Give a Cheater a Second Chance?

April 27, 2020 by Chump Lady

The Unicorn of Reconciliation

Dear Chump Lady, I find your advice spot-on, and I share you skepticism of the Reconciliation Industrial Complex. I’m wondering if you ever could be convinced in any case of reconciliation? The cheater in my life’s affair wasn’t nearly as egregious as the people who write in — I get that isn’t saying much since […]

Filed Under: Reconciliation Tagged With: reconciliation, Reconciliation Industrial Complex

Grieving the Affair Partner and Other BS

March 10, 2020 by Chump Lady

cake

Here’s a Reconciliation Industrial Complex trope that can die in ignominy — chumps being patient as their cheater “grieves” the affair partner. Ain’t that special? What sort of quack gives license to the mope-fest that is the tragic loss of cake? “Oh, if you reconcile, you must show love and understanding to your partner right […]

Filed Under: Cake Eating, Quacks, Reconciliation Tagged With: Grieving affair partner, reconciliation, Reconciliation Industrial Complex

Apologize to Your Cheater, Says RIC Quack

February 19, 2020 by Chump Lady

In my inbox this morning was a note from the publicist of Andrew G. Marshall, British “therapist”. Hello Tracy, I saw your article about infidelity “7 Idiotic Things Cheaters Say, and How to Respond” and wanted to share with you the exclusive interview with the UK’s most famous relationships therapist Andrew G. Marshall who reveals […]

Filed Under: Quacks Tagged With: Andrew G. Marshall, Reconciliation Industrial Complex

Where’s the Data on Reconciliation?

December 11, 2019 by Chump Lady

Dear Chump Lady, Here is what would have helped move me forward, something that seems more rare than unicorns themselves: unicorn research. I’d expected that relationship experts would have gobs of years-long, scientifically blessed research on topics that really matter when you’re struggling to figure out what to do, right? Because when you go unicorn […]

Filed Under: Quacks, Reconciliation Tagged With: reconciliation, Reconciliation Industrial Complex

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