Yesterday, when we discussed Gottman’s The Four Horseman as an instrument of cheater mindfuckery, an alert chump sent me further reading on the Gottman’s. Apparently they were gods of relationship research and then seem to have veered off the rails into full blown Reconciliation Industrial Complex madness. I give you this sales and marketing pamphlet, “Reviving […]
UBT: “Your Cheating Spouse Is the Victim, NOT You!”
Oh hey, were we talking about DARVO this week? (Deny, attack, reverse victim offender.) Do I ever have a heaping pile o’ mindfuckery for you today. Introducing Reconciliation Industrial Complex therapist quack, Dr. Robert Huizenga. A chump on his mailing list sent me his super special offer to Save My Marriage from my imaginary trauma. […]
Is It Okay to Give a Cheater a Second Chance?
Dear Chump Lady, I find your advice spot-on, and I share you skepticism of the Reconciliation Industrial Complex. I’m wondering if you ever could be convinced in any case of reconciliation? The cheater in my life’s affair wasn’t nearly as egregious as the people who write in — I get that isn’t saying much since […]
Grieving the Affair Partner and Other BS
Here’s a Reconciliation Industrial Complex trope that can die in ignominy — chumps being patient as their cheater “grieves” the affair partner. Ain’t that special? What sort of quack gives license to the mope-fest that is the tragic loss of cake? “Oh, if you reconcile, you must show love and understanding to your partner right […]
Apologize to Your Cheater, Says RIC Quack
In my inbox this morning was a note from the publicist of Andrew G. Marshall, British “therapist”. Hello Tracy, I saw your article about infidelity “7 Idiotic Things Cheaters Say, and How to Respond” and wanted to share with you the exclusive interview with the UK’s most famous relationships therapist Andrew G. Marshall who reveals […]
Where’s the Data on Reconciliation?
Dear Chump Lady, Here is what would have helped move me forward, something that seems more rare than unicorns themselves: unicorn research. I’d expected that relationship experts would have gobs of years-long, scientifically blessed research on topics that really matter when you’re struggling to figure out what to do, right? Because when you go unicorn […]
RIC Tag Lines?
I got a Twitter response to yesterday’s column taking me to task for encouraging “irresponsible” behavior (lawyering up and leaving a cheating husband) within two months. I’m not here to savage that response, it’s a typical RIC tenet of faith — don’t make any decisions for at least 6 months! — obviously this person is […]
