Dear Chump Lady, Here is what would have helped move me forward, something that seems more rare than unicorns themselves: unicorn research. I’d expected that relationship experts would have gobs of years-long, scientifically blessed research on topics that really matter when you’re struggling to figure out what to do, right? Because when you go unicorn […]
‘Should I Divorce Him?’
Dear Chump Lady, My husband of 15 years had been having an affair for over three years. Should I divorce him? I feel like our marriage is over, but I haven’t left him yet. I threw my wedding ring into a canyon in Utah, but I’m still living with him and clinging to the idea that […]
How to Save Your Marriage After Infidelity
(No, not really. I’m just trying to mess with Google Analytics today.) Many people tell me they wish they’d found Chump Lady sooner, before their ex inflicted another affair/ran off with the 401K/impregnated the schmoopie — but alas they were googling “How to save my marriage” instead of “How to leave a cheater.” So, all you […]
RIC Tag Lines?
I got a Twitter response to yesterday’s column taking me to task for encouraging “irresponsible” behavior (lawyering up and leaving a cheating husband) within two months. I’m not here to savage that response, it’s a typical RIC tenet of faith — don’t make any decisions for at least 6 months! — obviously this person is […]
When You Piss Off the Unicorns
I’m sure it will come as a surprise to no one to discover that I am not exactly revered in RIC circles. You’d think given the entire internet to preach the good news that Affairs Make Your Marriage Stronger (Send Me $400 and I’ll Show You How), they’d leave me out of it. But occasionally […]
Beware the Timid Forest Creatures
After you’ve been cheated on, you’d think it’s a pretty simple decision tree — reconcile or divorce. Choose divorce, it doesn’t matter if your cheater is sorry or not sorry, the infidelity is a deal breaker. If you choose reconciliation, however, the matter of How Sorry Are They comes to the forefront of the decision. […]
Pain Shopping, Anyone?
A chump wrote to ask me what I thought about “pain shopping.” I had no idea what it was. So I asked her, “What’s pain shopping?” She wrote back, “Like when I ask my husband about his affair.” Oh. So I googled. Apparently, in unicorn circles, “pain shopping” is that chump habit of hyper-vigilance, you […]
Dear Chump Lady, Is this a unicorn?
Dear Chump Lady: I potentially have that mythical unicorn in my life. It shares its body with the original transformer that sadly still becomes my spouse on occasion. In the morning light with dew on the grass, the unicorn seems legit. Doing and saying the right things. Making good changes and taking responsibility for his […]
Are Cheaters Timid Forest Creatures?
After you’ve been cheated on, you’d think it’s a pretty simple decision tree — reconcile or divorce. Choose divorce, it doesn’t matter if your cheater is sorry or not sorry, the infidelity is a deal breaker. If you choose reconciliation, however, the matter of How Sorry Are They comes to the forefront of the decision. […]
Making the Marriage ‘A Good Place to Be’
One piece of advice the Reconciliation Industrial Complex likes to give after D-Day is telling chumps it is their responsibility to make the marriage “a good place to be” after an affair. That way your cake-eating spouse will see what they’re missing. Often this advice is combined with the contradictory advice to be all 180 […]
