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We Reconciled… He Cheated Again

February 16, 2021 by Chump Lady

The Unicorn of Reconciliation

Hi Chump Lady, I just finished your book… For the second time. Two years ago I found out he had an affair with a 20-something from work. (He was 56 at the time). We were married for 30 years at the time, and, things were great. We traveled, socialized, and had great sex. I thought […]

Filed Under: Reconciliation, Sex addiction Tagged With: reconciliation, Reconciliation Industrial Complex, Sex addiction

UBT: The Apology That Never Came

January 4, 2021 by Chump Lady

Hopium

Hello Chump Lady! I’ve got a fine bit of BS here and I’d like to see what you think. Brief background: My ex-wife had an affair with her boss, assumed it was going somewhere, and divorced my chump-ass without a lick of remorse. Last year, about 2 years later, their relationship ended. Still high on […]

Filed Under: Cake Eating, Hopium Tagged With: cake eating, Genuine Imitation Naugahyde Remorse, Hopium, reconciliation, Remorse, Universal Bullshit Translator

‘Why Do Reconciliation Bloggers Annoy Me?’

November 30, 2020 by Chump Lady

Dearest Chump Lady, Why does the Reconciliation Industrial Complex annoy me so much? I don’t want to name any names, but while looking for support groups, I come across a Twitter of an infidelity survivor who has done podcasts, books, you name it. After some research I find out it’s only been two years. The […]

Filed Under: Hopium, Limbo, Reconciliation Tagged With: reconciliation, Reconciliation Industrial Complex

The Pretzel Logic of the 180

August 6, 2020 by Chump Lady

If you’ve spent any time reading the reconciliation literature, you’ll notice a lot of reference to the “180.” She won’t stop seeing her affair partner? “Do the 180!” He still works with his ho-worker? “Do the 180!” What is this powerful 180? It was a concept developed by Michelle Weiner-Davis of “Divorce Busters.” The 180 […]

Filed Under: Quacks, Reconciliation, Trust that they suck Tagged With: 180, Divorce Busters, manipulation, Michelle Weiner-Davis, reconciliation

No One Is Entitled to Reconciliation

August 4, 2020 by Chump Lady

I know my message — “leave a cheater, gain a life” is not popular with cheaters and the Reconciliation Industrial Complex. I mean, duh. At times, I’m asked do I mean all cheaters? Shouldn’t I distinguish between the remorseful and the remorseless cheaters? Remorseless? My answer is leave. Get the hell out. Remorseful? Your odds are long, […]

Filed Under: Genuine Imitation Naugahyde Remorse, Reconciliation Tagged With: Entitlement, reconciliation

UBT: Gottman’s ‘Reviving Trust After an Affair’

July 16, 2020 by Chump Lady

Yesterday, when we discussed Gottman’s The Four Horseman as an instrument of cheater mindfuckery, an alert chump sent me further reading on the Gottman’s. Apparently they were gods of relationship research and then seem to have veered off the rails into full blown Reconciliation Industrial Complex madness. I give you this sales and marketing pamphlet, “Reviving […]

Filed Under: Blameshifting, Quacks, Reconciliation Tagged With: Gottman, reconciliation, Reconciliation Industrial Complex

UBT: “Your Cheating Spouse Is the Victim, NOT You!”

July 9, 2020 by Chump Lady

Oh hey, were we talking about DARVO this week? (Deny, attack, reverse victim offender.) Do I ever have a heaping pile o’ mindfuckery for you today. Introducing Reconciliation Industrial Complex therapist quack, Dr. Robert Huizenga. A chump on his mailing list sent me his super special offer to Save My Marriage from my imaginary trauma. […]

Filed Under: Blameshifting, Quacks, Reconciliation, universal bullshit translator Tagged With: Dr. Robert Huizenga, reconciliation, Reconciliation Industrial Complex

How Do I Find the Courage to Leave?

May 18, 2020 by Chump Lady

limbo

Dear Chump Lady, I married my husband in June of 2015 after being together for 6 years. He is the only man I have ever been in a serious relationship with. In December of 2015, my mother died unexpectedly. I was a complete wreck for at least a year. He was my ROCK. In June […]

Filed Under: Limbo Tagged With: Limbo, reconciliation

Is It Okay to Give a Cheater a Second Chance?

April 27, 2020 by Chump Lady

The Unicorn of Reconciliation

Dear Chump Lady, I find your advice spot-on, and I share you skepticism of the Reconciliation Industrial Complex. I’m wondering if you ever could be convinced in any case of reconciliation? The cheater in my life’s affair wasn’t nearly as egregious as the people who write in — I get that isn’t saying much since […]

Filed Under: Reconciliation Tagged With: reconciliation, Reconciliation Industrial Complex

What Kept You Stuck with a Cheater?

April 24, 2020 by Chump Lady

Very few people react to betrayal with calm and clarity. We’re broadsided. Flattened. Confused. Most of us ran with the unicorn herd for awhile and tried to reconcile. Some are still working it out, either hanging in there to see if the remorse is real, or lining up the ducks in case it isn’t. I’ve […]

Filed Under: Early days after discovery, Reconciliation Tagged With: reconciliation

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