If you’ve spent any time reading the reconciliation literature, you’ll notice a lot of reference to the “180.” She won’t stop seeing her affair partner? “Do the 180!” He still works with his ho-worker? “Do the 180!” What is this powerful 180? It was a concept developed by Michelle Weiner-Davis of “Divorce Busters.” The 180 […]
No One Is Entitled to Reconciliation
I know my message — “leave a cheater, gain a life” is not popular with cheaters and the Reconciliation Industrial Complex. I mean, duh. At times, I’m asked do I mean all cheaters? Shouldn’t I distinguish between the remorseful and the remorseless cheaters? Remorseless? My answer is leave. Get the hell out. Remorseful? Your odds are long, […]
UBT: Gottman’s ‘Reviving Trust After an Affair’
Yesterday, when we discussed Gottman’s The Four Horseman as an instrument of cheater mindfuckery, an alert chump sent me further reading on the Gottman’s. Apparently they were gods of relationship research and then seem to have veered off the rails into full blown Reconciliation Industrial Complex madness. I give you this sales and marketing pamphlet, “Reviving […]
UBT: “Your Cheating Spouse Is the Victim, NOT You!”
Oh hey, were we talking about DARVO this week? (Deny, attack, reverse victim offender.) Do I ever have a heaping pile o’ mindfuckery for you today. Introducing Reconciliation Industrial Complex therapist quack, Dr. Robert Huizenga. A chump on his mailing list sent me his super special offer to Save My Marriage from my imaginary trauma. […]
How Do I Find the Courage to Leave?
Dear Chump Lady, I married my husband in June of 2015 after being together for 6 years. He is the only man I have ever been in a serious relationship with. In December of 2015, my mother died unexpectedly. I was a complete wreck for at least a year. He was my ROCK. In June […]
Is It Okay to Give a Cheater a Second Chance?
Dear Chump Lady, I find your advice spot-on, and I share you skepticism of the Reconciliation Industrial Complex. I’m wondering if you ever could be convinced in any case of reconciliation? The cheater in my life’s affair wasn’t nearly as egregious as the people who write in — I get that isn’t saying much since […]
What Kept You Stuck with a Cheater?
Very few people react to betrayal with calm and clarity. We’re broadsided. Flattened. Confused. Most of us ran with the unicorn herd for awhile and tried to reconcile. Some are still working it out, either hanging in there to see if the remorse is real, or lining up the ducks in case it isn’t. I’ve […]
My Sister Is the Marriage Police
Dear Chump Lady, My sister is a chump, she actually sent me to your site years ago when she still seemed to have some sense. I still read your articles (as I love your humour and spot-on advice) — but she doesn’t read this blog anymore as she is a firm unicorn believer. So, it’s […]
Is This Meh or Did I Just Give Up?
Dear Chump Lady, Here’s my problem (and I’m sure this is due to hopium): Three years ago I caught my cheating husband in an emotional affair with a friend of mine. Went to counseling. He used it as a shield to continue and escalate the affair to a 2.5 year physical affair. All the time, I feel […]
Grieving the Affair Partner and Other BS
Here’s a Reconciliation Industrial Complex trope that can die in ignominy — chumps being patient as their cheater “grieves” the affair partner. Ain’t that special? What sort of quack gives license to the mope-fest that is the tragic loss of cake? “Oh, if you reconcile, you must show love and understanding to your partner right […]
